Chapter Text
Some dude just appears. Funny Meme Man’s the name, hosting this show’s the game.
FMM: It’s a me, that bitch. It’s time for DOGSHIT Reboot. For context, read the 1 singular chapter of the first DOGSHIT version alpha beta gamma 0.0.1
The boi summoneth Orange (from Among Us), along with several others.
(A/N: Oh btw, I only feel like doing intros for newbies, so I’ll say the names & series of those returning.)
Orange: Eh- What- Why-
Funny Meme Man: Make teams.
Orange: …I’m not doing this joke agai-
Funny Meme Man: Make teams.
Orange: Fuck.
Cut on over to some other folks, IDK. Specifically Uncle Grandpa (from Uncle Grandpa) and Bob (from Literally every fnf mod ever) .
UG: Hey kids, I’m returning!
Bob: Yo, wassup?
UG: You wanna be on the same this time, Bob?
Bob: Haha, no. Rivalry and all that, lmao.
UG: Didn’t think so!
Cut to some more peeps, aka Himiko Toga (from My Hero Academia) , Michael J. Caboose (from Red vs Blue) , Tenko Chabashira, and Korekiyo Shinguji (both from Danganronpa) .
Toga: Most of the dream team’s staying together!
Caboose: Hooray! Now we can throw a birthday party!
Toga: Oh, Caboose. It’s not anybody’s birthday!
Caboose: Can we still have cake?
Kork: Of course.
Caboose: Hooray!
Tenko: I’m glad that most of the male contestants were sent home! If only all of them were.
Caboose: Even me?
Tenko: Except you.
UG: Even me ?
Tenko: You too. Wait, when’d you get here?
UG: Silly Tenko! That’s a simple explanation.
Kork: Do go on…
Kork takes out a pencil and notepad from hell knows where.
UG: I’m omnipresent!
Kork: Interesting…
Caboose: Like a birthday present?
UG: That’s right, Caboose!
Caboose: Wow, cake and presents! If only Simmons was here. He’s in charge of confetti!
*static*
Kork: (Confessional) I truly am glad I stayed. The people here are so interesting, and I love to hear what it’s like in their universes. I do wish to decipher what Caboose is saying, though…
*static*
Orange walks in.
Orange: Hey, guys. Looks like I’m back here.
Tenko: Glad to have you as well, Orange! The male-female ratio was getting uneven!
FMM: And that’s one team done!
UG: Oh, already? That was quick!
Cut on over to the other two. Bob and Chansin (from Yo-Kai Watch) .
Chansin: How did I fail to join a team with the numbers advantage?!
Bob: You also failed to get screentime before this scene.
Chansin: I did? NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bob: Yeah, my man’s right. We only got 2 members.
Cindy: Yeah! 2 members.
Bob: Nah, not you. I meant Chansin.
Cindy: Who’s Chansin?
Chansin: I’m right over here! Hello?
Cindy does not see anything.
Bob: You can’t see him.
Cindy: 3 members, then!
Bob: Bitch thinks she’s part of the team. Imagine being her, lmao.
Chansin: Damn.
FMM: Yeah, Cindy. You’re going on your own solo team.
Cindy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bob grabs Cindy like she’s a dialogue box and throws her at the moon so hard it cracks.
Chansin: What about our numbers, though? I don’t wanna lose to an unfair disadvantage!
Bob: Yeah, he could at least lose fairly.
FMM: I gotchu, fam.
Chansin: Don’t call us “fam”. It’s weird.
FMM: I gotchu, virgins.
Bob: Welp, he’s got us there.
FMM summons a green girl on her smartphone, a guy in a wizard outfit, a purple girl with a book, and a delinquent looking girl.
Wizard: Huh. I don’t remember casting a teleportation spell.
They all land in a pile, with the purple girl lands in the delinquent girl’s breasts. The delinquent immediately socks her in the face.
Purple: Ow!
Delinquent: Don’t do that!
Purple: It wasn’t on purpose!
Delinquent: … (sigh) I guess I’ll let it slide this time.
Green: Didn’t you already punch her in the face, though?
Wizard: I could cast a time reversal spell if you want.
Delinquent: Eh, I guess I owe you one now.
Purple: Ow… I suppose so…
FMM: This is Midori, Leonard, Yoshida, and Yuri.
Midori Gurin
“Strong at bad emails.”
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Origin: Yandere Simulator
Deaths: Too Many
Leonard
“Nobody’s favorite wizard.”
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Origin: Total Drama
Result: 1d20 ( 1)
Masaki Yoshida
“Delinquent. That’s it.”
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Origin: Watamote
Likes: Her Friends, Disney, Cute Things
Yuri
“Best Girl IMO, but all girls are good.”
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Origin: Doki Doki Literature Club!
Amount of CECU Shows She’s In: Too Little
Midori: Oh, is this one of those CECU shows?
FMM: Mhm!
Yoshida: The hell’s that?
Yuri: It’s like a competition, but with people from different universes. Plus, the ones who watch said competition vote people off.
Leonard: Another competition? Huzzah! My quest to win begins again!
*static*
Yoshida: (Confessional) Don’t really wanna be here, but ‘snot like I have a choice. Might as well win.
*static*
Leonard: (Confessional) The Dungeon Masters in the sky have blessed me with this opportunity! My last two campaigns were rough, but this time, the competition is mine!
Leonard raises his fists. Lightning comes out of nowhere.
Leonard: (Confessional) I hope I’m not first boot again.
*static*
Yuri: (Confessional) It’ll be nice to meet new people, but I’m not quite sure about competing… I really don’t want to get out first.
*static*
Midori: (Confessional) Is this camera on? How do I know if the camera’s on? Do I just walk in here and start talking?
*static*
FMM: Team naming time! The next words I hear are your guys’ team name!
Midori: Huh? What?
Huh? What?:
Bob
Chansin
Masaki Yoshida
Leonard
Midori Gurin
Yuri
Bob: lmao.
Yoshida: Damnit.
Midori: Whoops! My bad, guys.
Bob: But tbh this accurately describes our team.
Yuri: …Who’s Chansin?
Chansin: I’m here! I’m right here!
Chansin jumps and waves his arms.
Yoshida: …I don’t see jackshit.
Bob: Damn, bro.
Leonard: Reveal yourself at once!
Leonard points in a random direction.
Yuri: …He’s not in front of you, is he?
Leonard: Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with that-
Midori: Oh, maybe he’s a ghost, or something!
Chansin: Exactly! She gets it!
Yoshida: Yeah, right. And that girl’s not cosplaying.
Yoshida gestures at Yuri.
Yuri: …I’m not cosplaying.
Midori: Yeah, what do you think she meant by different universes?
Bob: Is she stupid?
Yoshida: …
Yoshida fucking faints.
Leonard: … I’m cosplaying.
Yuri: We know.
Midori: What’s the beard for?
*static*
Yoshida: (Confessional) I can’t believe it. It’s the real Yuri from DDLC! I love DDLC! It got all creepy and shit at the end, but I liked the beginning. I even have a plush of all the Dokis.
*static*
Yoshida has recovered.
Midori: Oh! Oh! Oh!
FMM: Yeah, Midori?
Midori: Are the confessionals private?
Yoshida: Of course they are! Why wouldn’t they be?
Midori: Oh yeah, fair enough.
Leonard: Only to other contestants, though. The audience still sees them.
FMM: Yeah, he’s right!
Yoshida: …
*static*
Yoshida is grabbing the camera.
Yoshida: (Confessional) I want the tape back. GIMME THE FUCKING TAPE! How do you open this damn thing?!
*static*
Cut to the other team.
FMM: And what’s your name?
The team is distracted.
Toga: I can really have some of your guys’ blood? Really?
Kork: Sure. I’ll allow you to take some.
Caboose: Sharing blood is the same as sharing cookies, so sure!
Tenko: You’re not gonna sacrifice Tenko’s blood to some crackpot god, are you?
Toga: What? No! I’m just gonna drink it.
Tenko: Oh, okay! Sure!
Toga: …You guys are the best!
UG: I would, but all my blood is hot dogs.
Orange: …
*static*
Orange: (Confessional) …I think my team is crazy.
*static*
Toga is ecstatically sucking out some of Kork’s hot pink blood with a syringe. Kork is simply writing things down.
*static*
Orange: (Confessional) Definitely crazy.
*static*
FMM: Hellooooooo? People? Team name?
Toga turns around.
Toga: Oh, that’s us. …Wait-
That’s Us:
Uncle Grandpa
Orange
Tenko Chabashira
Korekiyo Shinguji
Himiko Toga
Tenko: Eh, at least it’s better than the last name!
Toga: True…
FMM: Oh, and Cindy’s team is called “Cin-Deez Nuts”, ‘cuz fuck her.
Cin-Deez Nuts:
Cindy
Everybody begins laughing at Cindy’s misfortune. They are unable to stop. Cut to a screen showing them laughing. That’s right, bitches! It’s the Bad Dude Ensemble!
Villain: Alright, guys. It’s been a while, but I’ve decided to continue our conquest of this show!
Moxxie: That’s nice sir, but may I ask you something?
Villain: Fire away, Moxx.
Moxxie: Why did you get rid of over half our troops?
The only ones currently at the table are The Villain, Moxxie, Doc, and Scary Girl.
Doc: Yeah, it’s kinda feeling empty in here. AS EMPTY AS MY SOUL! …In a bad way.
Villain: Oh, they were just being uncooperative. I decided to put them in their place.
*static*
Moxxie: (Confessional) …I’m concerned.
*static*
Villain: And by their place, I mean their respective universes. I sent them home.
*static*
Moxxie: (Confessional) Or not.
*static*
Doc: Phew! I thought you killed them, or something. I’m disappointed by that fact.
Moxxie: What about Yuri and Midori? They’re clearly not at home.
Villain: Yuri’s gonna be our woman on the inside, so she’s still in the ensemble. Plus, she needs to be in more CECU shows.
Doc: Wait, how’d you get Funny Meme Man to add Yuri?
Villain: Well…
(Flashback)
Funny Meme Man is writing in a notebook. The Villain is in a nearby bush.
FMM: Hmm… Cast renovations… I don’t give a shit, so I’ll take suggestions from the voices in my head!
Villain: You should add Yuri from DDLC!
FMM: Thanks, voices!
(Flashback End)
Villain: Watch this!
The Villain brings out a mic and switches the screen to Yuri.
Villain: Yuri! You copy?
Yuri: (screen) Ahaha- Huh? Oh, I hear you. What do you need?
Villain: Nothin’, that was just for demonstration purposes.
Yuri: (screen) Oh, alright then.
Midori: (screen) Hey Yuri, why are you talking to yourself?
Yuri: (screen) Oh, uh… I’m doing an… internal monologue.
Midori: (screen) …
Yuri: (screen) …
Midori: (screen) …Oh, okay!
Yuri: (screen) Phew…
Moxxie: Well, that explains that, but what about Midori?
Villain: Oh yeah, her. I figured it’d be more villainous to send Midori to annoy the host.
Moxxie: Is she still a part of the ensemble, too?
Villain: Nope!
Moxxie: Oh, thank Satan.
Doc: She was nice and all, but I don’t think I could handle any more of her “Why does this hurt” questions. She was getting on my nerves. It’s better that she’s away, for her own safety.
Villain: I even convinced FMM in the same way!
(Flashback)
The scene from the first flashback is continued.
Villain: Also add Midori Gurin from Yansim!
FMM: Why Midori?
Villain: ‘Cuz fuck you!
FMM: Fair enough.
(Flashback End)
Moxxie: But sir…
Villain: Yeeeeeees?
Moxxie: (whispering) If you sent people home due to lack of cooperation, then why didn’t you send back… her ?
Moxxie points at Scary Girl twisting the head of a doll 180.
Villain: (whispering) I tried, believe me! She just wouldn’t go home!
Scary Girl suddenly appears behind them and grabs their shoulders.
Scary Girl: Whatcha guys talkin’ about?
Moxxie: Well, uh- We’re… Uh…
Villain: Taxes.
Scary Girl: Aw, shucks!
Scary Girl disappears.
Villain: …We need to keep a leash on her, or something.
Moxxie: …So, what about our current lack of personnel?
Villain: Yeah, I’ve got 2 choices in mind.
The Villain spawns in a demon in a sweater and a girl with a large bow.
Demon: Hello…
Girl: …EHHHHHH?!?!
Villain: Guys, this is Modeus.
Modeus
“Hell yeah.”
Gender: Female
Species: Demon
Origin: Helltaker
Harem Size: N/A
Villain: She’s a demon like you, Moxxie!
Moxxie: …I’m an imp, sir.
Villain: Really? Well, shit. Anyways, welcome to the Bad Dude Ensemble!
Modeus: …I thought this would be a harem.
…
Villain: …Never said that.
Modeus: Damnit. …Is anybody interested?
Villain: Oh, I definitely am. About the rest of us… Scary Girl and Mai are minors, and Moxxie is married. Doc and Yuri might be down, though.
Doc: Oh, I don’t know… We’ll join!
The Villain grabs the mic.
Villain: Yuri, are you down to join a harem?
Yuri: (screen) A what?! Well, uh, I- Maybe-
Villain: That's a yes.
Modeus: Hooray.
Villain: Speaking of Mai… You’re not Mai. You’re Annaka.
Haruna Annaka
“Doesn’t know why she’s here.”
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Origin: Nichijou
Cause of Death: Beetle
Annaka: Oh, you wanted Mai?
Villain: Yeah. I guess the teleport thing can be a bit finicky.
Annaka: So, uh… Could you send me back now?
Villain: Oh, sure.
The Villain opens up a portal to Egypt.
Annaka: Eh?!
Villain: Whoopsies!
The Villain opens up a new portal to an apocalyptic alien invasion.
Annaka: EHHHH?!
Villain: This usually works… Man, your luck must be real rotten.
Moxxie: …Would you like to just stay here with us while we figure this out?
Annaka: Oh, sure?
Scary Girl grabs Annaka’s shoulder.
Scary Girl: (creepily) The more the merrier~
Annaka: AH!
Scary Girl skips away.
Villain: Alrighty, then! My name’s The Villain, and it’s a pleasure to meet you two.
Annaka: …Your name is “The Villain”?
Modeus: …Not very creative.
Villain: I’m not good at naming things, okay?! Moving on!
Moxxie: So, sir. Any plans about taking over DOGSHIT?
Villain: Oh yeah. I want you guys to do work on the next challenge.
Doc: All of us at once?
Villain: Yup!
Modeus: Works for me…
Annaka: Uh… Sure? I guess?
Scary Girl: Ehahaha! Yay! (singing) We’re gonna hide a body! We’re gonna hide a body!
Moxxie: What- WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?!
Scary Girl: We’re not? Aw…
Villain: …So, yeah. When the challenge rolls around, we’ll be there.
Everyone: (simultaneously) Right.
Villain: Hell yeah. Let’s fucking go…
Cut back over to the main competition area. Everyone has calmed down.
FMM: Hehe… Hoo-wee… Now, as for the challenge…
Midori: Which is?
FMM: Something I don’t know yet!
Toga: We could just do skiing again!
FMM: Nahhhhhh, I wanna do something original. Come back next time!
Cut to black.
Orange: …That’s it?
FMM: Yyyyyyyep!
Tenko: We’re not gonna have more banter, or something-
FMM: Nope!
Leonard: You sure? We could always-
FMM: We’ve cut to black already!
Midori: Why can’t we just-
FMM: END THE EPISODE ALREADY!
Episode ends.
FMM: Thanks.