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Chapter Text

Naruto was frantically leaping from tree branch to tree branch, clutching a huge scroll tightly on his back. His breath came in ragged gasps as he thought about his situation.

“What was I thinking?!” he cursed himself under his breath, his voice almost drowned by the wind rushing past his ears. “Listening to Mizuki like that—”

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the forest. It was Mizuki’s.

“Well, Iruka, I had nothing against you. But you put your nose where it doesn’t belong. Now, you can’t hide—”

Naruto froze mid-leap, his eyes wide with shock. Iruka-sensei was in danger? Because of him?!

A wave of panic surged through him, almost paralyzing him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The new clone technique he had learned from the scroll might be useless against someone as skilled as Mizuki. He needed something more powerful. 

He quickly unrolled the scroll, scanning its contents again. The jumbled mess of complicated techniques made his head spin.

“Shadow Clone Technique. Already done that.” He mumbled, his eyes darting over the text. “Flying Thunder God. Looks way too complicated. Reanimation Technique. Sounds creepy. Reaper Summoning Technique. Nope, no way. Domain Expansion… too much text.”

His eyes landed on something that caught his attention.

“Android…?”

Naruto squinted at the scroll, trying to make sense of the complex words.

“Android: Model 2B

Construction and Properties:

The body of Model 2B has been crafted using Hashirama's sage wood, endowing it with exceptional elasticity and durability. This unique material allows the body to physically grow and adapt through the absorption of natural energy.

Development and Capabilities:

In collaboration with Mito, I ensured that this body is capable of storing a tailed beast. Initially designed to serve as a vessel for the Reanimation Jutsu, I later determined that the technique requires a living sacrifice, rendering this use impractical.

Operational Requirements:

This body necessitates a mind to function. I refuse to use any Uchiha for this purpose, as I despise the thought of granting such destructive power to a member of their clan. Lacking suitable Uchiha prisoners for testing and being utterly unwilling to bestow such a potent form upon any Uchiha, I refrained from this approach. Instead, I have imbued Model 2B with all my techniques. In a time of dire need, it can be activated to employ my skills.

Access Restrictions:

Access to Model 2B is restricted exclusively to members of the Senju or Uzumaki lineage.

—Tobirama Senju”

Naruto stared at it blankly. Most of the words flew right over his head, but it seemed like this was the easiest technique to try.

He shrugged, placing his hands on the seal that was drawn under the text. Right below the diagram, there was a warning:

Channel your Chakra here. WARNING: Use no more than 6 AsA chakra.

“6 AsA?” Naruto mused aloud, scratching his head. “Sounds like it needs a lot of chakra.” He grinned, the usual cocky glint returning to his eyes. “You’re on!”

He poured as much chakra as he could muster into the seal.

“I’m coming to save ya’, Iruka-sensei—”

There was a blinding flash of blue and white. The world around Naruto dissolved into an intense, searing light, engulfing him entirely. Every nerve in his body screamed in agony as if his entire being was being torn apart and reassembled simultaneously.

His vision blurred, the sensation of his physical form slipping away. His surroundings twisted and contorted, the pain reaching a crescendo. Just as suddenly as it began, the pain dulled, leaving an eerie silence in its wake.

Naruto tried to take a breath, but something felt different. His body felt... new, unfamiliar. He blinked, his vision now sharper and clearer than ever before. He looked down and saw not his usual attire, but sleek, dark clothes.

Confusion turned to realization as he took a tentative step. The movement was smooth, precise, and powerful—nothing like he had ever felt before. 

"Wait... What just happened?" Naruto's voice echoed, sounding both foreign.

|o—O—o|

Meanwhile, Mizuki, who was searching for Iruka, stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowing. “Huh? What just happened?”

Iruka, hidden but injured, paled. “Naruto…I hope you’re okay.” Ignoring the searing pain in his leg, he started crawling towards the direction of the flash. Before he could go any further, a sharp pain shot through his thigh. He looked down to see a kunai embedded in his leg. He collapsed to the ground, gritting his teeth in pain.

Mizuki appeared, a cruel smirk playing on his lips. “Huh, that kid is going to be your end now,” he sneered, raising a giant shuriken. “Prepare to die!”

He hurled the weapon towards Iruka. But just before it could hit its mark, a white and blue blur appeared out of nowhere. In a split second, the figure snatched Iruka up in their arms and leaped away, narrowly avoiding the deadly weapon.

Everyone stood stunned.

It was a girl with striking white hair and piercing blue eyes. She looked no older than a prepubescent girl, her body small and lithe. She was dressed in a strange, sleek outfit that seemed both futuristic and ancient at the same time.

Mizuki yelled, “Who are you?!”

The girl gave him a blank, emotionless stare. “Naruto Uzumaki,” she said in a monotone voice. “Dattebayo.”

Iruka, still reeling from the surprise, managed to ask, “Why are you lying? Naruto is a boy.”

She turned to Iruka, her expression unchanging. “I am not lying, Iruka-sensei. I am merely stating facts. I am Naruto Uzumaki.”

Mizuki, clearly infuriated, spat, “The demon child is a boy, not a girl!”

The girl gave him another blank look. “I foolishly did something.”

But Mizuki was already sprinting towards them, his speed alarmingly fast.

Naruto—or the girl who claimed to be Naruto—watched him approach with an eerie calmness. As Mizuki closed the distance, he pulled out several kunai and shuriken, launching them with deadly precision.

The girl moved swiftly, dodging each weapon with agile, almost inhuman movements. She did not counter with weapons but relied solely on her body. She sidestepped a kunai aimed at her head, ducked under a shuriken, and then spun gracefully to avoid another flurry of attacks.

Mizuki lunged forward, slashing with a kunai. The girl deflected the blow with a swift palm strike, redirecting his arm away from her. She stepped in close, delivering a quick knee to his abdomen, causing him to gasp in pain. Mizuki staggered but quickly regained his footing, slashing again.

The girl leaned back, narrowly avoiding the blade, and then countered with a spinning kick that Mizuki barely managed to block. She pressed the attack, her movements fluid and relentless. A high kick aimed at his head forced him to duck, but she followed up with a low sweep, tripping him.

Mizuki hit the ground hard but rolled to his feet, hurling another handful of shuriken. The girl twisted and turned, dodging them effortlessly. She closed the distance in an instant, delivering a powerful punch to Mizuki's chest, sending him flying back.

He landed with a thud, struggling to get up. The girl was already upon him, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back. Mizuki screamed in pain as she forced him to the ground, her grip like iron.

With a swift, precise motion, she struck a pressure point on his neck, and Mizuki's eyes rolled back as he lost consciousness.

The sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting a warm, gentle glow on the clearing. Iruka's mind was racing with confusion and relief, his heart torn between disbelief and hope. He looked at the girl standing before him, her white hair shimmering in the sunlight, her blue eyes devoid of emotion.

“Naruto…?” Iruka whispered, his voice trembling with emotion.

The girl turned to him, her expression softening ever so slightly. She approached Iruka with a calmness that bordered on obedience, her demeanor strangely reminiscent of a loyal puppy.

“I need to be sure,” Iruka said softly, his voice filled with both longing and uncertainty. “Tell me something only Naruto would know.”

The girl regarded him with her usual impassive gaze. “My favorite Ramen topping is extra pork, and my dream is to become the Hokage.”

Iruka's breath caught in his throat. Those were Naruto's words, spoken with a determination and innocence that were unmistakable. But Iruka needed more, something deeper that only Naruto could truly understand.

“Naruto,” Iruka began, his voice steady despite the turmoil within him. “Tell me about the time you pranked the entire village with hundreds of exploding tags.”

The girl blinked, her expression unchanged. “It was New Year's Day,” she said flatly. “I thought it would be funny.”

Iruka's heart sank. The answer was correct, but the delivery lacked the mischievous spark that Naruto always carried when reminiscing about his pranks.

“Alright, then tell me about the first time you used the Orioke-no-jutsu in front of the Third Hokage,” Iruka pressed on, his voice pleading for confirmation.

The girl hesitated for a moment, then answered mechanically, “It was july 7h, I desired to read a book named ‘Icha Icha Violence’ but the Hokage didn’t let me. Therefore, I used it to stun him and take the book. It was a…successful attempt..”

Iruka felt a pang of doubt. The answers were correct, but they lacked the heartfelt emotion and personal anecdotes that Naruto would normally include.

“Naruto,” Iruka said, his voice cracking with emotion. “Please, tell me something that only you and I know. Something that only the real Naruto would feel.”

The girl stared at Iruka for a long moment, her blue eyes searching his face as if contemplating her response. Finally, she spoke in a voice that was still devoid of emotion but carried a weight of truth.

“Iruka-sensei,” she began softly, “You had the chance to kill me three years ago. But you did not. You are the first person who acknowledged me. You said that I was important, even when everyone else ignored or hated me. You gave me hope and showed me that I can become someone worthy of respect and love.”

Tears welled up in Iruka's eyes as he listened to those words. They were not just a recollection of events but a reflection of Naruto's deepest feelings and memories. In that moment, Iruka knew without a doubt that this was Naruto standing before him.

“You… you really are Naruto,” Iruka murmured, his voice choked with emotion. “But how…?”

The girl remained silent, her gaze steady and unwavering. “Not enough information to answer this question.”

Iruka took a deep, shuddering breath, his hands trembling as he reached for the forehead protector. “Close your eyes,” he instructed gently.

The girl tilted her head slightly in confusion but complied, closing her eyes obediently.

Iruka's hands shook with a mixture of joy and sadness as he gently placed the forehead protector on her. He took a step back, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Open your eyes, Naruto,” Iruka said softly, his voice filled with love and pride.

The girl opened her eyes slowly, her fingers gently touching the forehead protector. Her expression softened, a glimmer of recognition flickering in her eyes.

“This is…” she began, her voice barely above a whisper.

Iruka's smile was radiant. “Yep, congratulations on your graduation, Naruto.”

Tears streamed down Iruka's cheeks as he pulled Naruto into a tight embrace, the sunlight bathing them in its warm embrace.

Naruto’s lips curled upwards. “I believe I can become the hokage now. Dattebayo.”

|o—O—o|

The Hokage rubbed his temple, the stress lines deepening on his forehead.

“Let me just clarify,” Hiruzen began, his tone weary. “Mizuki tricked Naruto into stealing the forbidden scroll of the Hokages, making him believe that if he learned a technique from it, he would pass the graduation exam. Is that correct?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Iruka nodded, his voice filled with conviction.

“Affirmative,” Naruto added. Everyone turned to stare at her. She blinked innocently. “Is there something on me?”

“...No, moving on,” Hiruzen said, shaking his head slightly. “Naruto learned the Shadow Clone Technique before Mizuki revealed an S-ranked secret?”

“Affirmative,” Naruto said blankly.

“Right… so, before Mizuki could do anything, Iruka arrived to protect Naruto. He created an opening for Naruto to escape; however, he himself was injured in the process. Then, a fleeing Naruto decided it would be a good idea to use a technique from the scroll to help Iruka. Is that correct?”

“You are correct, old man,” Naruto said. Hiruzen looked at her hopelessly.

“I am pretty sure this is Mito-sama and Tobirama-sensei's ‘top secret project’. The Senju symbol on your right arm and Uzumaki symbol on your left arm is a dead giveaway.”

Naruto stared at him with an unwavering gaze.

“Right, so, Naruto, how are you feeling?”

“I feel… angry.”

“Really? Why?”

“You are wasting invaluable time asking rhetorical questions. We have explained the situation thrice now.” She replied in a monotone. “Ichiraku’s has a ‘eat three, get one free’ offer and it expires in 37 minutes.”

“Oh, that’s… surprising,” Hiruzen mused. “Are you hungry? Can you eat?”

“...Perhaps I can store food inside me.”

“Absolutely not! I forbid you to break this masterpiece.”

“...I am not obliged to listen to you, old man.”

“Oh no, you are,” Iruka said, tapping on her forehead protector.

“Oh, shoot,” she sighed. Wait, could she breathe?

“Anyway, Naruto-ku…eh… your team assignments are tomorrow at the academy. Don’t be late.”

“Fine,” she said, turning and walking out of the room.

As the door closed behind her, Hiruzen sighed deeply. “Well, at least she knows about th—” His eyes widened in sudden realization. “The Kyuubi! What happened to the Fox?!”

Naruto's head popped back into the room. “The Fox? Oh, yeah, he’s still in here,” she said, tapping her belly. “And let me tell ya, he’s not thrilled about the whole android thing. Keeps growling about disrespect and dishonor.”

Hiruzen blinked, utterly bewildered. “So, the Kyuubi is... inside a doll now?”

“Affirmative,” Naruto said, giving a robotic salute.

Iruka sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

“Old man, can I go now? Thirty-four minutes left on that offer.”

“Yes, yes, Naruto, you may go,” Hiruzen said, waving her off. “And please, try not to cause any more... unexpected transformations.”

Naruto grinned, or at least attempted to, and saluted again. “Understood. And don't worry, I won’t turn into a toaster or anything. Dattebayo.”

As she left, Hiruzen leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples again. “Well, this is certainly... different.”

Iruka chuckled softly. “Naruto will always be Naruto, no matter what form he takes.”

Hiruzen nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Yes, indeed. The village is in for quite the surprise.”

Chapter Text

First Impressions

Naruto pushed the curtains aside and settled herself on a stool at the counter of Ichiraku Ramen. The familiar smell of miso broth filled the air, but the usual warmth and excitement were replaced by an odd, emotionless aura.

Teuchi, the ramen chef, looked up from his work, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Good evening, young lady. What can I get for you?" he asked politely.

Ayame, his daughter, also glanced over, her eyes narrowing as she tried to place the unfamiliar face. "You look kind of familiar. Have we met before?" she asked.

Naruto gave them both a blank stare. "I am Naruto Uzumaki," she stated flatly.

Teuchi blinked, then chuckled nervously. "Nice try, kid. But Naruto's a boy. And besides, he never talks like that."

Ayame nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Naruto is always full of energy and life. Not… robotic."

Naruto sighed, her shoulders dropping slightly. "I assure you, I am Naruto Uzumaki."

Teuchi and Ayame exchanged skeptical glances. "Sure, sure," Teuchi said, not convinced in the slightest. "So, what can I get for you?"

Naruto's expression remained unchanged. "I would like ten bowls of miso ramen, please."

Teuchi's eyes widened in surprise. "Ten bowls? Are you sure?"

"Affirmative," Naruto responded, her voice still devoid of any emotion.

Ayame leaned over the counter, her curiosity piqued. "Okay, but how do you plan to eat all that? You're not exactly, uh, built for it."

Naruto didn't answer, simply staring at them with her blank expression. After a moment, Teuchi shrugged and began preparing the order. "Alright, ten bowls coming right up."

As the bowls began to pile up in front of Naruto, Ayame couldn't help but watch with a mixture of fascination and disbelief. "This should be interesting," she muttered to herself.

Naruto picked up the first bowl, bringing it to her lips and slurping the noodles mechanically. The noodles and broth disappeared into her mouth, and instead of the usual satisfied sigh, there was nothing but the continued, methodical slurping.

Teuchi and Ayame watched, their jaws slowly dropping as Naruto moved on to the second bowl, then the third, without missing a beat. "How… how is she doing that?" Ayame whispered.

Teuchi shook his head in disbelief. "I have no idea, but she's definitely eating it."

Unbeknownst to them, Naruto's artificial stomach was working overtime, converting the consumed ramen directly into chakra. Each mouthful disappeared, absorbed and processed with precise efficiency.

As Naruto continued to slurp down bowl after bowl, Ayame finally couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, seriously, what's going on here? Are you some kind of ramen-eating robot?"

Naruto paused briefly, looking up at them. "I am Naruto Uzumaki. My body has undergone a transformation. My stomach converts food into chakra directly."

Teuchi scratched his head, still trying to wrap his mind around the situation. "Naruto, huh? Well, you're definitely eating like him. But why the change in… everything?"

Naruto shrugged, a surprisingly human gesture. "Long story. But I assure you, I am still Naruto Uzumaki. I still love your ramen."

Teuchi and Ayame exchanged another glance, this one filled with reluctant acceptance. "Well, if you say so, Naruto," Teuchi said with a chuckle. "You're certainly unique, I'll give you that."

Ayame smiled, shaking her head. "Only Naruto could come back like this and still make us laugh."

Naruto continued to slurp her ramen, her mechanical efficiency somehow endearing. As she finished the tenth bowl, she set it down gently and looked at them. "Thank you for the meal. It was delicious, as always."

But then, a hint of sadness flickered in her eyes. "Though… I couldn't properly taste them like I used to."

Teuchi's grin softened into a sympathetic smile. "Naruto, you'll always be welcome here. Maybe someday, you'll figure out a way to enjoy the taste again."

Ayame nodded. "Yeah, Naruto. No matter what happens, Ichiraku's will always be your place."

Naruto stood up, giving a small, almost imperceptible nod. "I appreciate it. Ichiraku's will always be my favorite."

As she pushed the curtains aside and left, Ayame sighed. "Well, that was something. Do you think he'll stop with this disguise?"

Teuchi laughed. "With Naruto, you never know. But one thing's for sure – life's never boring with that kid around."

And so, the legendary ramen shop had yet another unforgettable chapter added to its story, thanks to the ever-surprising Naruto Uzumaki. Despite her new form and the changes it brought, some things—like her love for Ichiraku's ramen—remained the same.

o—O—o

Naruto was passing through the bustling market district when she caught sight of a large mirror displayed outside a shop. Drawn by curiosity, she stopped in her tracks and moved closer to examine her reflection.

She saw a young girl staring back at her. The girl had shoulder-length white hair that framed a delicate face, with piercing blue eyes that seemed to gleam with an almost ethereal light. Her skin was flawless and smooth, with a slight sheen that indicated its synthetic nature. Her body, though that of a prepubescent girl, was perfectly proportioned and covered in a sleek, form-fitting black outfit that seemed both practical and oddly elegant.

Naruto was shocked. Her clothes were odd, yet they felt right, almost as if they were a second skin. She could feel everything but did not feel uncomfortable. Her body temperature was 99 F, perfect. She reached out to touch her reflection, her fingers grazing the cool glass as she marveled at the sight. Her skin was made of silicon coil, while her internal structure was based on wood. Her muscles and flesh were also silicon, designed to mimic the human body's function perfectly.

Two small bumps on her chest were there too—also silicon. She blinked, her eyes adjusting automatically to the light, and she realized that her vision was sharper than ever before. She could see every detail with crystal clarity, and her eyes had a faint, almost imperceptible glow. Fascinating.

"With this body, I can easily defeat the Old Man and become the Hokage," she noted to herself with satisfaction, though her face remained devoid of any emotion.

"I also have some techniques that are yet to be unlocked." She said as she felt it inside her. "Flying Thunder God, Infinite Darkness, Reanimation Technique, Sage Arts, Forbidden Water Ninjutsu. Sealing Arts. Interesting… I wonder how they work.

So if I am disconnected from natural energy for as much time as it takes for a person to die due to the lack of oxygen, I'll actually die…that's scary. Also, I can physically grow. I have Hashirama-level regeneration ability. That is good. Also, why is there a 'DESTROY All The Uchiha' slogan in my brain?"

She continued to study her reflection, noting the seamless integration of synthetic and organic components. Her eyes, gleaming with an unearthly blue light, could detect even the slightest hint of an illusion. Perfect Chakra control coursed through her body, allowing her to manipulate her energy with unprecedented precision.

Naruto's fingers brushed over her smooth, synthetic skin, marveling at the flawless construction. "Amazing," she murmured. "I can feel everything... yet it's different."

Despite her lack of outward emotion, there was a sense of pride and determination growing within her. This new body, with its superior abilities and enhancements, was a tool that could propel her toward her dreams. No longer would she be underestimated or dismissed. With this power, she could achieve her goal of becoming Hokage and earning the respect she had always craved.

She took a step back from the mirror, her eyes still locked on her reflection. "Fascinating," she repeated, her voice flat and robotic. "With this body, I am awesome."

Naruto inspected her reflection more closely, her curiosity leading her to touch the crotch area. Nothing. Of course. A doll doesn't need… such accessories.

"That's… disappointing," she mused aloud. "But I guess you can't have everything."

She sighed, realizing that she needed new clothes. Her current outfit, while functional, was far too conspicuous for everyday wear. Also, she did not want to buy anything else for shinobi work. But she could buy casual things for everyday purpose. Unfortunately, she was flat broke. Just as she was about to turn away from the mirror, Naruto nearly collided with Ino, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry, but are you a model?" Ino asked, her curiosity piqued.

Naruto's pranking instincts kicked in immediately. She could have a bit of fun with this. "I am indeed one," she said, her voice perfectly monotone. "I was just looking for… a wardrobe change and I have lost my purse."

Ino's eyes sparkled with excitement. "What's your name? What kinds of clothes do you want to buy?"

"I am… 2B. I wish to purchase shinobi attire for my next show."

"2B, huh? Must be your industry name. Well, I think I can help."

"Really? I do not wish to be a burden. I cannot pay you either."

"Nonsense! I just want to take a picture with you," Ino said, practically bouncing with enthusiasm.

"Okay, kunoichi-san, I will be in your care," Naruto said with a polite bow.

Ino beamed and led her to her family's tailor, who was also an avid model fan. Upon seeing the emotionless yet elegant girl, the tailor couldn't help but welcome '2B' with open arms.

"Oh my goodness, such grace! Such elegance!" the tailor exclaimed. "This is an honor!"

Naruto maintained her blank expression. "I appreciate your enthusiasm."

The woman immediately set to work, preparing a black, frilly dress for her. The outfit consisted of a sleek black top with intricate white embroidery, a high collar, and long sleeves that flared out at the wrists. The skirt was short and ruffled, with a lace trim that added a touch of sophistication. She also crafted matching black gloves that reached up to the elbows, completing the ensemble.

"So, 2B, how do you like this design?" the tailor asked, holding up the dress for Naruto to see.

Naruto inspected it, her expression remaining blank. "It is suitable. Thank you."

Ino watched eagerly as Naruto tried on the dress. "Wow, you look amazing! You could totally be a real model."

Naruto glanced at her reflection in the mirror. The dress fit perfectly, enhancing her new form in a way that was both elegant and functional. "I appreciate your assistance, kunoichi-san," she said, still in her monotone voice.

"No problem at all! Let's take that picture now!" Ino exclaimed, pulling out a camera.

Naruto stood beside Ino, posing stiffly as Ino snapped a few photos. "Thank you, 2B. This is going to be awesome!"

The tailor's husband walked in and did a double-take. "Is that… a model? From like the latest ninja modeling magazine?" he asked, clearly star-struck.

Naruto, ever the prankster, decided to roll with it. "Affirmative," she said. "I am here for a top-secret photo shoot."

The husband looked ready to faint. "Can I get an autograph?!"

Naruto took a deep breath. "I do not normally give autographs, but for you, I will make an exception."

As Naruto signed a piece of fabric, Ino leaned in and whispered, "You're really good at this, you know?"

"Thank you, kunoichi-san," Naruto replied, her voice still monotone but with a glint of mischief in her eyes.

Three hours later, Naruto emerged from the tailor's shop with her new dresses in a bag, Ino by her side. They had already taken the promised picture together.

"Thank you, Ino-san. That was very generous of you," Naruto said, her voice still devoid of emotion but with a hint of genuine gratitude.

"Nah, now I can show off this picture to Sakura, hehe!" Ino laughed, clearly pleased with herself.

"Okay then, Ino. Bye." '2B' walked away, her new clothes safely in tow.

Ino waved cheerfully but then paused, a frown of confusion crossing her face. "Wait! I never told you my name, how do you even know it?"

"Oh, that is a… model specialty. Dattebayo," Naruto replied over her shoulder.

"Ooooh, ok— wait! 'Dattebayo'? Naruto?!"

But the white-haired girl was already gone, leaving Ino standing in the middle of the street, her mouth hanging open in shock.

As Naruto walked away, she couldn't help but chuckle to herself. Despite her new form and the changes it brought, some things—like her ability to pull off a prank—remained the same.

o—O—o

Naruto discovered that she couldn't sleep. No matter how hard she tried, her eyes refused to close, and her mind wouldn't drift off into the comforting embrace of dreams. The realization hit her like a punch to the gut—this new body didn't require sleep. She was designed to be efficient, tireless, and relentless. But at what cost?

She climbed to the rooftop of her apartment building, her new black, frilly dress fluttering slightly in the night breeze. The village was quiet, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight. The stars twinkled above, scattered like diamonds across the velvet sky. She sat down, hugging her knees to her chest, and stared up at them.

Naruto had always loved looking at the stars. They had been a source of comfort during her loneliest nights, a reminder that there was a vast world beyond her troubles, filled with endless possibilities. But tonight, they felt different. Distant. Cold.

Her new body felt strange. She could feel everything, every touch, every sensation, but there was an underlying numbness. Her skin was smooth and flawless, her body temperature was a perfect 99, and her internal structure, made of wood and silicon, functioned impeccably. Yet, she felt hollow.

"I'm not even human anymore," she whispered to herself, her voice barely audible. It was a thought that had been nagging at her since the transformation, but she had pushed it aside, focusing on the immediate tasks and challenges. Now, in the stillness of the night, she couldn't escape it.

She touched her face, feeling the smoothness of her artificial skin. Her fingers traced the contours of her cheeks, her nose, her lips. It was her face, but it wasn't. It was a perfect replica, yet devoid of the imperfections that had made her… her.

"What have I become?" she wondered aloud, her voice trembling slightly. She missed the warmth of her old body, the way it ached after a long day of training, the way her stomach growled when she was hungry, the way her heart raced when she was excited or scared. Now, she was just a well-oiled machine, running on chakra and efficiency.

She tried to well up in her eyes with tears, but they didn't fall. She couldn't cry anymore. Even her emotions felt distant, muted by her new existence. She longed for the simple, human experience of shedding tears, of feeling the wetness on her cheeks, the release of pent-up sorrow. But that too had been taken from her.

She hugged herself tighter, trying to find some semblance of comfort. The stars above seemed to mock her, their cold light a stark contrast to the warmth she craved. She felt more alone than ever, trapped in a body that wasn't hers, living a life that felt increasingly foreign.

"What am I now?" she whispered, her voice breaking. "I used to be Naruto Uzumaki, the prankster, the outcast, the one who never gave up. Now I'm just… this."

The night stretched on, the stars continuing their silent vigil. Naruto remained on the rooftop, staring at the sky, her heart heavy with sadness and confusion. The dawn would come soon, bringing with it a new day and new challenges. But for now, she was just a lonely soul, lost in the vastness of the universe, searching for a way back to herself.

o—O—o

Naruto entered the Hokage's office, her steps precise and unwavering. It was time to submit a photo for her Shinobi registration. She approached Hiruzen's desk, her face devoid of any emotion, and handed him a photo.

Hiruzen sighed deeply, feeling the onset of a headache. "What is this, Naruto?"

Naruto's voice was flat and emotionless. "A photo."

Hiruzen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, I can see that. What is on the photo?"

"My picture."

Hiruzen squinted at the photo, his frown deepening. "What are you wearing?"

"My default uniform. I cannot wear anything else for official reasons. Maybe whoever made this body had character problems."

"No, I mean, what's with the whole makeup?" He held up the photo, displaying Naruto's face adorned with garish clown makeup.

"It is essential to keep my face hidden. Shinobi secrecy. Dattebayo."

"But clown makeup? Seriously?"

"It looks—"

"No, it looks scary. Bring me a normal photo."

Naruto's expression didn't change, but there was a hint of what might have been irritation in her eyes. She almost glared at him, almost.

Hiruzen rubbed his temples. "Naruto, you can't submit a photo like this. It has to be a proper, normal photo."

Naruto's tone remained monotone. "Define normal."

Hiruzen sighed. "No clown makeup. Just your face, as you are."

Naruto tilted her head. "That's… disappointing. I thought it was a clever way to maintain my anonymity."

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "Anonymity? You're one of the loudest, most recognizable people in the village."

"Former loudest, I intend to continue pranking people with secrecy." Naruto's foot began tapping again. "It was a precaution. Dattebayo."

Hiruzen waved a hand dismissively. "Just get a new photo, Naruto. No makeup, no weird costumes. Just you."

Just then, the door slid open, and a young boy burst in. He had a pot on his head and was wearing a t-shirt that declared his mischievous intentions. "I'm here to defeat you, old man, and become the Hokage!" he proclaimed with youthful bravado.

Before he could come any further, his feet tangled in the blue scarf he was wearing, and he crashed to the ground with a thud. Hiruzen sighed again, the weight of the day pressing down on him.

The boy scrambled to his feet, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He quickly surveyed the room, his eyes landing on Naruto. "You! You tripped me!"

Naruto's response was as monotone as ever. "It was your own fault."

The boy, now more indignant, pointed a finger at her. "No, you did it! I saw you!"

Naruto tilted her head slightly. "Incorrect. You tripped over your own scarf. I was standing here the entire time."

Konohamaru's face turned red with frustration. "You're lying! No one trips over their own scarf unless someone else makes them!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Your logic is flawed. Scarves are inherently trip hazards if not managed properly. Dattebayo."

The boy stomped his foot. "You're just making that up!"

At that moment, a man wearing sunglasses and a rather impressive scowl entered the room. "Konohamaru, this is not how you should behave as the honorable grandson of the Hokage."

Konohamaru huffed but quieted down, still glaring at Naruto. "But she—"

The tutor interrupted. "Enough. Apologize to the Hokage and our guest."

Konohamaru grumbled but muttered, "Sorry, old man. Sorry, weird girl."

Naruto shrugged, completely unbothered by the commotion. "It seems like a personal problem," she remarked, turning to leave the office.

As she walked away, Konohamaru shouted after her, "You are now my number one enemy, woman! I'll get you!"

Naruto paused at the door and turned her head slightly. "Good luck with that. Dattebayo."

Konohamaru fumed. "I'll show you! No one makes a fool out of me!"

The tutor sighed. "Konohamaru, you need to learn some respect. Now, let's get out of here before you cause more trouble."

Naruto turned back to Hiruzen. "I will get you a new photo, Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen sighed in relief. "Thank you, Naruto. Please, no more clown makeup."

Naruto nodded, her face still devoid of any emotion. "Understood. I will acquire a new photo. Dattebayo."

Hiruzen leaned back in his chair, watching as Naruto left the room. "Naruto," he called out.

She turned slightly, acknowledging him.

"You're doing well. Keep it up."

Naruto nodded again. "I intend to. Dattebayo."

She left the office, her mind already focused on the next task at hand: finding a way to get a more acceptable photo without compromising her so-called "shinobi secrecy." Meanwhile, Hiruzen rubbed his temples, muttering to himself. "What did I do to deserve this?"

The tutor adjusted his sunglasses, shaking his head. "It's just another day in Konoha, Hokage-sama. Just another day."

Meanwhile, Konohamaru stood fuming, plotting his next move against his newly declared nemesis, while Naruto continued on her way, her mind already focused on the next task at hand: finding a way to get a more acceptable photo without compromising her so-called "shinobi secrecy."

o—O—o

Then at the Academy, Naruto stepped inside the classroom, her new black frilly dress catching a few curious glances. She moved with an eerie grace and sat beside Sakura, who was busy doodling hearts around the name "Sasuke" in her notebook.

"Hello, Sakura-chan," Naruto greeted her, her voice devoid of emotion.

Sakura looked up, her eyes widening in surprise and suspicion. "Who are you?" she demanded, her mind racing with paranoia. 'She better not steal Sasuke away!'

"I am Naruto Uzumaki," Naruto replied in her monotone voice. "Dattebayo."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, right. Naruto is a loud, annoying boy. You're... you're a girl. And way too calm to be him."

Naruto tilted her head slightly, her expression blank. "It's a long story. But it is me, Sakura-chan."

"Prove it," Sakura challenged, folding her arms over her chest. "Tell me something only Naruto would know."

Naruto thought for a moment. "You have a birthmark shaped like a star on your lower back."

Sakura's face turned crimson. "How do you know that?!"

Naruto shrugged. "You showed it to me once when we were kids. You said it was your secret lucky charm."

Sakura's suspicion turned to confusion. "Well… that's… weird. But still, it doesn't mean you're Naruto."

Just then, Ino burst into the room, slightly out of breath. "Damn, I'm late to—YOU?!" She pointed an accusing finger at Naruto. "Naruto you freak, you emptied my wallet!"

Naruto looked at Ino, unperturbed. "Correction: you offered to pay for the clothes. Therefore, it was not theft but an accepted gift."

Ino's eyes flared with anger. "I didn't offer to pay for those clothes! You tricked me, you little—"

"I merely stated I was a model in need of assistance," Naruto said calmly. "Your assumption that I was wealthy was unfounded."

"What?!" Ino sputtered. "You lied! That's not logic, that's deceit!"

"It was a harmless prank," Naruto replied. "Besides, your generosity will be remembered. Dattebayo."

Ino fumed. "Generosity?! You conned me! And stop talking like a machine and saying 'dattebayo' like that, it's creepy!"

Sakura looked between them, her confusion growing. "Wait, Ino, you're saying this really is Naruto?"

Ino threw her hands up in exasperation. "I don't know what kind of crazy transformation jutsu this is, but yes! It's that idiot!"

"It was a jutsu accident."

Sakura turned to Naruto. "Okay, if you're really Naruto, what's your dream?"

"To become the greatest Hokage and have everyone in the village acknowledge my existence," Naruto replied without hesitation.

Sakura blinked, a hint of recognition dawning. "That… that sounds like Naruto."

Sasuke, who had been silently observing from his seat, finally spoke up. "You're really the loser?"

Naruto turned to him, her face emotionless but her words dripping with smugness. "I am, bastard."

"Prove it," Sasuke demanded, his eyes narrowing in challenge.

Naruto smirked ever so slightly. "I don't need to prove anything to you. But if you insist, I once pulled a prank on you by swapping your shampoo with hair dye."

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly. "That was you?"

Naruto nodded. "Indeed. Your hair was green for a week."

Before Sasuke could respond, Iruka entered the room, clipboard in hand. "Settle down, everyone," he called out, bringing the chatter to a halt. "Congratulations on your graduation. Today, we'll be assigning your teams."

The room buzzed with anticipation as Iruka began calling out names. "Team One—"

"Team Seven: Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno—"

"Ah-hah! Take that Ino-pig," Sakura exclaimed triumphantly.

"—and Naruto Uzumaki. Under Kakashi Hatake."

"Dattebayo," Naruto said, her voice still devoid of emotion but her words carrying a hint of satisfaction.

Sakura looked at her new teammate, still grappling with disbelief. "So, you really are Naruto? This is so weird."

Ino scowled. "Naruto, you better watch your back. I'm not done with you."

Naruto nodded. "Noted. Thank you for the clothes, Ino-san."

Sasuke simply shook his head, unable to make sense of the bizarre situation. "This is going to be interesting."

Meanwhile, Hinata was quietly sobbing at her desk, trying to hide her tears. Kiba, sitting beside her, sniffed the air curiously. "That new girl smells like silicon, wood, and paper," he remarked, his nose twitching. Shino, preoccupied with his own team assignments, didn't pay much attention. Choji munched on his chips, unfazed by the commotion around him, while Shikamaru was already snoring, head resting on his desk.

One by one, the new mentors arrived, taking their students along with them. Excited chatter filled the room as the newly formed teams left, eager to begin their ninja journeys. Team Seven, however, remained alone in the classroom, their new sensei nowhere in sight.

Three hours passed.

Sakura was growing impatient, tapping her fingers on her desk. "Where is he? This is ridiculous!" she exclaimed.

Sasuke leaned back in his bench, arms crossed, looking equally annoyed but keeping his cool. "Probably testing us or something," he muttered.

Naruto, meanwhile, sat perfectly still, save for her foot tapping rhythmically against the floor. The tension in the room grew until she finally stood up. "This is unacceptable," she declared in her emotionless tone. "If he is making us wait this long, he should be punished. I will prank him."

Sakura's eyes widened in horror. "No, Naruto! Don't do anything stupid that will get us into trouble. We can't afford to mess up on our first day as a team!"

Naruto ignored her, already scanning the room for potential prank materials. "He must learn that making us wait is a mistake," she said, her voice still flat but determined.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "What are you planning, loser?"

Naruto didn't respond directly, instead moving with purpose to gather supplies. She found some chalkboard erasers and rigged them above the door to fall when it was opened. Next, she set up a bucket of water balanced precariously on a ledge.

Sakura sighed in exasperation. "Naruto, this is a bad idea. What if he expels us from the shinobi programme before we even start?"

Naruto glanced at her. "If he expels us for this, then he is not the sensei we need."

Sasuke, despite his annoyance, couldn't help but be a little intrigued. "Fine, do what you want. Just don't drag me into it."

Naruto finished setting up her traps and stood back, admiring her work. "Perfect. Now we wait."

Sakura shook her head but couldn't help a small smile. "You're impossible, Naruto."

Minutes ticked by slowly, each one adding to the tension in the room. Sakura fidgeted nervously, Sasuke remained stoic, and Naruto stood by the door, ready to witness the results of her handiwork.

Finally, the door creaked open. The chalkboard erasers fell first, sending a cloud of white dust into the air. Almost simultaneously, the bucket of water tipped over, drenching the person who entered.

"Ah!" The voice of Kakashi Hatake came through the chaos. "Well, this is certainly an interesting welcome."

Naruto stepped forward, her face blank but her eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "Welcome, sensei. You were late."

Kakashi, wiping chalk dust and water off himself, looked at her with a mix of amusement and approval. "I see. Well, you're definitely not like other students. I suppose we should get started."

Sakura sighed in relief, realizing that Kakashi wasn't angry. Sasuke just shook his head, smirking slightly.

Naruto, her mission accomplished, simply said, "Dattebayo,"

As Kakashi entered the classroom, drenched and dusted, he looked around the room, his visible eye widening slightly in confusion. His gaze landed on the peculiar white-haired girl with blue eyes, dressed in a black, frilly outfit.

"Alright, which one of you is— wait, where's Uzumaki?" Kakashi asked, his confusion evident.

Naruto stepped forward, her expression blank. "I am Naruto Uzumaki. Dattebayo."

Kakashi stared at her for a long moment, processing this unexpected revelation. "You're Naruto? I thought he was a boy. What happened to you?"

Sakura, still a bit flustered from the prank and Kakashi's entrance, chimed in, "Yeah, sensei, it's a long story. Naruto kind of... changed."

Kakashi sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, this is certainly a new one. Alright, let's get outside and have a proper introduction. We need to talk."

As they headed out, Sasuke glanced at Naruto. "This is going to be interesting."

Once outside, Kakashi had them all sit down. "Alright, introductions. Let's start with you, white-haired girl—I mean, Naruto."

"You should go first, sensei," Sakura mumbled, shooting a wary glance at Naruto.

Kakashi's visible eye crinkled into a smile. "Me? Well, my name is Kakashi Hatake. I have no intention of telling you my likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future? I have lots of hobbies."

Sakura frowned, clearly annoyed. "What kind of introduction is that?"

Naruto, however, seemed unfazed. She looked at Kakashi, her face devoid of any emotion. "I am Naruto Uzumaki. My dream is to become the greatest Hokage and make everyone acknowledge me. Also, I love ramen. I hate the three minutes it takes for instant ramen to get ready. It's too long. Dattebayo."

Kakashi nodded slowly, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. "Alright, next. Pink hair."

Sakura took a deep breath, trying to focus on something other than the bizarre girl claiming to be Naruto. "I'm Sakura Haruno. My dream is... well..." She glanced at Sasuke and blushed. "Never mind." She then turned and glared at Naruto. "I hate people who are annoying and always getting in my way. Like Ino and... you."

Naruto remained expressionless. "Your hatred is noted, Sakura-chan."

Before Sakura could retort, Kakashi moved on. "And you, last but not least."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. I have no dreams, only an ambition to restore my clan and kill a certain someone."

Kakashi sighed. "Great. Well, now that we have the introductions out of the way, let's get to the real test."

Sakura looked alarmed. "Real test? But we already graduated!"

Kakashi's visible eye curved into a crescent, indicating a smile. "Oh, that was just to see if you had the basic skills. Tomorrow, we'll have a more advanced test to see if you're really ready to be Genin. It has a very high failure rate."

Naruto's foot began tapping again. "What's the test?"

Kakashi leaned in, his voice low and mysterious. "Survival training. Meet me at the training grounds at 5 AM. And don't eat breakfast—you might throw up."

Sakura's eyes widened in disbelief. "Survival training? That sounds... intense."

Naruto remained unfazed. "I do not need breakfast. Ramen takes three minutes to cook, and that is unacceptable."

Sakura shot her a puzzled look. "You're really weird, you know that?"

Naruto nodded. "Affirmative. I am aware."

Kakashi chuckled, clearly amused by the interaction. "Alright, team. See you all tomorrow morning. Don't be late."

As Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke, Sakura turned to Naruto, frustration evident on her face. "Listen, Naruto, or whoever you are. Don't screw this up for us, okay?"

Naruto tilted her head slightly. "I will do my best, Sakura-chan. Dattebayo."

Sasuke, who had been silent throughout the exchange, finally spoke up. "You better not hold us back."

Naruto looked at him, her expression as blank as ever. "I will surpass all expectations, including yours, bastard. Dattebayo."

Sakura groaned. "This is going to be a long day."

As they all dispersed, preparing themselves for the challenge ahead, Naruto couldn't help but feel a small spark of excitement. Despite her new form and the challenges it brought, she was still determined to prove herself. Tomorrow would be her chance to show them all what she was capable of.

TBC

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

First C Rank Went Wrong

Naruto was really annoyed, although it was not visible. She pondered if she should drown the cat that was in her arms or not. The thought of submerging the squirming creature in water gave her an odd sense of satisfaction. She tilted her head to one side, her mechanical mind calculating the probability of getting caught versus the relief it would bring. Her expression remained stoic, but her inner turmoil was palpable. The cat meowed pitifully, its wide eyes pleading for mercy, but Naruto's grip was unyielding.

"So, Team Seven retrieved the cat in nine minutes?" Hiruzen mused, his tone indicating mild surprise. He took a long puff of his pipe, the smoke curling around his head in lazy spirals. "Not bad," he continued, glancing at the mission report. His eyes sparkled with a hint of pride as he looked at the young team before him.

"Affirmative," Naruto responded in her monotone voice, handing the cat over to its owner, a fat woman who proceeded to choke the life out of it with an overly enthusiastic hug. Naruto felt a small, malicious satisfaction seeing the cat's misery. "Mission accomplished," she added, her eyes narrowing slightly as she observed the cat's futile struggles. Her robotic voice lacked the warmth of a typical human interaction, but she felt it conveyed efficiency.

"Let's see, we have babysitting jo—" Hiruzen started to say, scanning the list of available missions.

"We would like a more…dignifying mission," Sasuke interjected, gritting his teeth. The frustration was evident in his voice as he struggled to maintain his composure. "Sir," he added, almost as an afterthought, trying to appear respectful. His dark eyes burned with a fierce determination, the kind that came from a deep-seated desire to prove himself.

"How about cleaning the pa—" Hiruzen began again, seemingly ignoring Sasuke's request.

"Something dangerous," Sasuke added, his voice rising slightly in pitch as his irritation grew. He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. The thought of another mundane task made his blood boil. He longed for real action, something that would challenge him and push his limits.

"Working at the gate—" Hiruzen suggested, not missing a beat.

"Something that involves—"

"I think my cute little genin is trying to say that he wants a C-rank mission," Kakashi eye-smiled as he interrupted the exchange. His tone was light and teasing, which only served to heighten the tension between Sasuke and the Hokage. The masked jōnin's relaxed demeanor contrasted sharply with the intensity radiating from his students.

"Do you think they are ready?" Hiruzen asked, arching an eyebrow as he looked at the jōnin.

"Uh, no. But no one ever is," Kakashi shrugged, earning glares from Sasuke and Sakura. His casual demeanor was in stark contrast to the intensity of his students' expressions. "They need to be tested in real-world situations to truly grow," he added, his eye crinkling in amusement. He enjoyed seeing his students' fiery spirits.

"According to my calculations," Naruto chirped in, her voice devoid of any inflection. "This was our 30th D-rank mission. Therefore, we must be given a C-rank mission. Or else, there may be consequences." Was she threatening the Hokage? "Dattebayo," she added, her attempt at sounding human coming off as even more robotic. Her eyes blinked mechanically, and she stood rigid, like a soldier awaiting orders.

Hiruzen choked on his pipe smoke, coughing violently as he gestured for his ANBU. "Bring Tazuna," he managed to wheeze out between coughs. The room fell silent as the ANBU swiftly exited, their presence a reminder of the seriousness of the situation. Hiruzen's eyes followed them, a flicker of concern crossing his features.

A minute later, the ANBU returned with an old man who smelled like he had bathed in beer. His clothes were rumpled, and his eyes were bloodshot, giving him the appearance of someone who had seen better days. "Is this all the mighty Leaf has to offer?" the drunkard sneered, swaying slightly on his feet. "That boy looks like he never walked under sunlight." Sasuke's hands reached for his kunai pouch, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"That pinky looks like she's malnourished." Sakura's face flushed with anger as she cracked her knuckles, ready to pounce. Her usually composed demeanor was shattered by the man's harsh words. She glanced at Sasuke, hoping for some reassurance, but his focus was on Tazuna.

"And that girl looks like a model from those—" Tazuna's voice trailed off as he felt something sharp press against his throat.

"Old man, is this man sentenced to execution?" Naruto asked, her tone devoid of any emotion. "Should I carry out the task, dattebayo?" She held a kunai to Tazuna's neck, her face expressionless. Her robotic voice was unnervingly calm, and her grip was unyielding.

Hiruzen sighed deeply, rubbing his temples as if trying to ward off a headache. "That is not a prisoner sentenced to execution, Naruto. That is the person you need to escort to Wave Country."

"Oh," Naruto replied, releasing her hold on Tazuna. She bowed deeply to him, her movements stiff and awkward. "I am 'truly' sorry. I have the tendency to identify verbal abusers as enemies and sometimes I act out of pure instincts. Please forgive me."

"N-no problem!" Tazuna stammered, his face pale and his eyes wide with fear. He was already wetting his pants, the terror evident in his trembling voice. He backed away slowly, casting wary glances at Naruto.

Kakashi chuckled, his shoulders shaking with amusement. Sasuke had a satisfied smirk on his face, clearly enjoying the old man's discomfort. Sakura giggled, her earlier anger forgotten in the face of Tazuna's obvious panic. The room's tense atmosphere lightened slightly, but the mission ahead loomed large in their minds.

"Okay, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said, still chuckling. "We accept the mission." He turned to his team, his expression becoming serious. "We leave tomorrow at 10 AM sharp."

They nodded in unison, their faces determined. Despite the bizarre and comedic events of the day, they were ready to face their next challenge as a team. The prospect of a C-rank mission brought a mix of excitement and anxiety, but they were prepared to prove themselves.

o—O—o

The next day, they met at the gates of the village. They were surprised to see their teacher right on time. Naruto bluntly asked, "Why are you so punctual, Kakashi-sensei? Is it an anomaly in your usual behavior pattern?" Her robotic tone made the question sound more like an observation from a malfunctioning AI than genuine curiosity.

Kakashi chuckled, "Well, I thought it might be fun to surprise you for once." His eye crinkled in amusement as he observed their reactions. Sasuke looked mildly impressed, Sakura seemed relieved, and Naruto's face remained as stoic as ever.

They began their journey towards the Country of Waves with their client Tazuna. Sakura, ever the curious one, asked, "Tazuna-san, does the Wave Country have any ninja?" Her voice was polite but tinged with genuine curiosity.

Tazuna shook his head, a look of sorrow crossing his face. "No, our country is poor. We don't have a military system. That's why I need your protection." His words carried a weight of desperation and helplessness, making the team realize the gravity of their mission.

Kakashi was lazily reading his orange book as they walked. Naruto, noticing this, asked, "Is reading that book more important than the mission, Kakashi-sensei?"

He looked up, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Perhaps," he replied, then giggled like a schoolgirl at a particularly amusing passage. The contrast between his casual demeanor and the seriousness of their task was striking.

Sasuke was excited about the mission, but so far, they had not encountered any bandits or enemies. His anticipation was palpable, his eyes constantly scanning their surroundings for any sign of danger.

Just then, Naruto declared, "Two people are drowning in a puddle of water ahead." Her statement was delivered with the same robotic precision, but her words caused an immediate reaction.

Before Kakashi could say anything, Naruto rushed into action and pulled out two men from the puddle of water. The men were clearly not drowning, but Naruto, in her misguided attempt to save them, began to punch their chests to expel the nonexistent water.

No water was coming out of their mouths, so she assumed that the water was too deep inside their lungs and began to hit harder. "Water obstruction detected. Initiating emergency chest compressions," she said, her tone mechanical and devoid of empathy.

Sakura was yelling at her to stop, her voice filled with panic. "Naruto, stop! You're going to kill them!"

Kakashi was amused, watching the scene unfold with a bemused expression.

Sasuke was… confused, his brow furrowing as he tried to understand Naruto's actions. What idiots drown in a puddle? Also, how come punching someone's chest can be helpful in extracting water from lungs?

Naruto, undeterred, continued her efforts. "Saving lives is the duty of a Shinobi. Dattebayo." Her voice was unwavering, her dedication to the task evident despite the absurdity of the situation.

Within a minute, the two men were knocked out cold due to pain. Their bodies lay limp on the ground, a testament to Naruto's relentless determination.

"Naruto, that was a trap," Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "They are the Demon Brothers, C-rank missing ninja from Kiri." His voice was lighthearted, but his eyes held a glint of approval. Despite the bizarre method, Naruto had effectively neutralized the threat.

Naruto felt a twinge of embarrassment, though her expression remained unchanged. She tried to come up with a logical exc...'explanation'. "Assessing threat level and responding accordingly. Mission priority: neutralize enemies. Error in identification process. Adjustments will be made for future encounters," she stated, her tone as robotic as ever.

Sakura couldn't hold back a giggle. "You really are something else, Naruto," she teased, her earlier panic replaced by amusement. "But maybe next time, let Kakashi-sensei handle the identifying part."

Sasuke, on the other hand, looked annoyed, though there was a begrudging respect in his eyes. "Even if it was unintentional, you did take down two enemies," he muttered, his pride stinging at the thought that Naruto had beaten him to the punch.

Kakashi glanced at Tazuna, who was still visibly shaken by the sudden commotion. "Do you have something to say?" Kakashi asked, his tone suddenly serious.

The man gulped, his eyes darting between the unconscious Demon Brothers and the stoic genin. "I… I didn't mention everything about the mission," he confessed, his voice trembling. "The truth is, there are more dangerous people after me. The mission might be more than just a simple escort."

Kakashi's expression softened slightly. "I suspected as much but explain elaborately."

So he did.

"Well," Kakshi said as Tazuna finished his story, looking at his team. "Well, Team Seven, looks like our mission just got a bit more interesting." He turned to Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, his gaze lingering on each of them. "Mission is cancelled."

"N-no!" Tazuna cried. "I beg you! If I do not… If I do not build the bridge than my country will suffer and the children will be slaughtered. Women will be made slaves!"

"You lied about the mission," Kakashi shrugged. "It's at least A rank."

"Sensei…" Sasuke said. "We should…continue."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"I don't want to abandon my first C rank mission." He added.

"Okay~" Kakashi looked at Sakura.

"If Sasuke-kun says so…" she looked flustered.

"Naruto?"

"I do not know about the rules…" she replied monotone, but there was fire behind it. "But leaving people to suffer is unacceptable. If you do not wish to continue and leave, then I alone will go."

"Okay then, you win." Kakashi chuckled.

"Thank you, kid!" Tazuna ruffled her white hair as he began to cry.

Kakaho addressed his team. "Stay alert and be prepared for anything."

Naruto, her mechanical mind whirring, nodded. "Acknowledged. Mission parameters updated," she said, her voice steady. Despite her robotic nature, there was a hint of determination in her eyes.

Sakura, her earlier blush fading, nodded as well. "We can handle it," she said, her voice filled with a newfound resolve. She glanced at Sasuke, who gave a curt nod, his eyes reflecting his readiness.

Sasuke's excitement for the mission had returned tenfold. The prospect of facing real danger, of testing his skills against formidable opponents, was exactly what he had been yearning for. "Let's go," he said, his voice low and determined.

As they continued their journey, the atmosphere was tense but charged with anticipation. The team walked in a formation, with Kakashi leading, Tazuna close behind, and the three genin flanking the sides. The forest around them seemed to hold its breath, the silence broken only by the rustle of leaves and the occasional call of a distant bird.

Naruto's sensors were on high alert, her eyes scanning the surroundings with precision. "Scanning for threats," she murmured to herself, her tone methodical. "No immediate danger detected."

Sakura, walking beside her, said, "You really are like a walking, talking computer, aren't you?"

"Affirmative," Naruto replied, her face expressionless. "Efficiency in mission execution is paramount."

Sasuke, walking on the other side, shook his head. "Just don't punch any more puddles, alright?" he said, his tone dry but tinged with amusement.

Kakashi, still reading his orange book, glanced back at them. "Let's hope we don't encounter any more puddles then," he said, his eye crinkling in amusement. "But remember, stay vigilant. We don't know what else might be waiting for us."

The team continued to move forward, their senses heightened and their minds focused. They knew that this mission was more than just an escort now. It was a test of their skills, their teamwork, and their resolve. And they were ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

TBC

Chapter Text

Demon Vs Android

Team Seven and Tazuna were close to their destination; just a few more hours and they would arrive at the house of the bridge builder. The group was moving through a clearing when they heard a rustling sound from the bushes. Without hesitation, Sasuke hurled a kunai in the direction of the noise. Instead of a human enemy, a small rabbit with white fur emerged, scampering away in fright. The rabbit's fur was so pure and white it almost glowed in the dim light filtering through the trees, making it look like a tiny, frightened ghost. It darted away into the underbrush, its little heart no doubt pounding.

Naruto's eyes narrowed in on Sasuke, her mechanical tone cutting through the air. "Threat assessment failure. Probability of harm from small mammal: 0%," she stated, her voice as robotic as ever. This was her attempt at humor, her way of teasing Sasuke in her unique, emotionless style. The corners of her lips twitched slightly, an almost imperceptible sign that she found her own remark amusing. "Conclusion: Bastards are bad at aim"

Sakura immediately stepped in to defend Sasuke, her voice firm and protective. "He was just being cautious, Naruto. Better safe than sorry," she said, her hands on her hips and a determined look in her eyes. Her pink hair swayed slightly as she moved, emphasizing her point with a nod. She shot Sasuke a reassuring glance, silently supporting his actions.

Before anyone could say more, Kakashi's voice rang out sharply, cutting through the tension. "Duck!" he yelled, his tone urgent and commanding. Instinctively, the team hit the ground, their movements synchronized by training. A massive blade spun through the air above them, the sound of its passage like a low whistle. It embedded itself in a tree with a resounding thud, the force of the impact causing leaves to shake loose and flutter to the ground.

"Well, well, well," a voice boomed across the clearing. "I was told that the bridge-builder had hired shonobi from the Leaf. But…"

A man emerged from the shadows, his presence immediately imposing. He was tall and muscular, with bandages covering the lower half of his face and spiky, unkempt hair that framed his sharp, dangerous eyes. His attire was dark, accentuating the aura of menace that surrounded him. "Kakashi Hatake, the Copy Ninja," he said, his voice low and menacing, resonating with a chilling calm. "I'm truly honored to meet you."

Kakashi's expression turned serious, his visible eye narrowing as he assessed the threat. "Stay back," he instructed his team, his tone leaving no room for argument. "This is a fight way above your league. That's Zabuza Momochi, a rogue ninja from the Village Hidden in the Mist. He killed his entire graduation class to pass from the academy." His words were heavy with the gravity of the situation, a stark reminder of the dangers they faced.

"Oh, so you know who I am?" Zabuza mused aloud. "I am flattered."

With deliberate slowness, Kakashi lifted his headband, revealing the Sharingan in his left eye. The red, swirling pattern was both mesmerizing and intimidating. Sasuke's eyes widened in shock, his breath catching in his throat. A mix of awe and envy crossed his face, the realization that his sensei possessed such a powerful tool shaking him to his core.

"Sharingan right off the bat?" Zabuza chuckled, although his body stiffened.

"Can't underestimate you after what you cooked in Kiri."

"Well," Zabuza shrugged. "It was a good attempt. Though the Mizukage was not slouch. Now, enough talk!"

Zabuza didn't waste any time. He brought his hands together, forming a series of rapid hand seals. "Let's see how you handle this, Copy Ninja," he sneered, his voice dripping with contempt. In an instant, the area was shrouded in a thick, oppressive mist. Visibility dropped to near zero, the fog so dense it felt like a physical barrier. "Hidden Mist: Silent Killing!"

Sakura gasped as she took a defensive stance in front of Tazuna.

"Seven vital points— lungs, brain, kidney…"

Zabuza continued to name organs and Sasuke couldn't stop his legs from trembling. 'If only I was as strong as you…Itachi.'

"...which should I go for?" Zabuza finished.

Kakashi responded swiftly, his hands moving in a blur as he performed the Wind Style: Great Breakthrough technique. A powerful gust of wind surged from his position, dispersing the mist and clearing the field.

Zabuza was now visible, a grin on his masked face.

"Let's see how good you are, Kakashi of the Sharingan!"

The two ninja clashed fiercely, their movements a blur of speed and precision. At first, it was not understandable who was winning but soon it became clear who was the better one. Kakashi was faster and unlike his opponent he was using multiple weapons Zabuza created water clones to aid him, each one a perfect replica of the original. The clones moved in tandem, their attacks coordinated and relentless.

Kakashi seemed to be winning, his Sharingan allowing him to anticipate Zabuza's moves with uncanny accuracy. His movements were precise and deadly, each strike aimed to incapacitate or kill. But Zabuza, ever the cunning warrior, managed to trap Kakashi in a Water Prison. The spherical barrier of water held Kakashi in place, restricting his movements and slowly draining his strength.

Kakashi's voice echoed through the clearing, urgent and commanding despite his predicament. "Run! Take Tazuna and get out of here!" he yelled, his tone brooking no argument.

We will not leave you behind!" Saskue yelled, even though he was shaking violently.

Sakura was frozen. But managed to say, "N-never…"

Zabuza gave them a serious look before he began to laugh hysterically.

"Look at you, you think whatever they teach you in the academy is really the reality? You do not know what it means to be a true shinobi."

"Shut up—" Sasuke growled.

"Tell me, have you ever killed someone? Have you ever bathed in the blood of your enemies?"

No respond. Zabuza chuckled once more. "Now, be good kids and hand over Tazuna to me."

Tazuna looked like he was about to pass out.

"—and maybe I'll let you go. You know what? If you leave your headbands behind than I will definitely let you go."

"Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura…" they heard Kakashi say, who was having a hard time breathing. "R-run."

"We should abandon you?" Naruto, for the first time, spoke.

Zabuza looked at her. Other than her utility pouch attached to her thigh and the Leaf headband, there was actually no way for telling that she was a shinobi, instead she looked like a young model.

"Sensei," Naruto continued. "I believe the protocols say that we should listen to everything you say." She paused and raised her head, her sapphire eyes gleaming with determine. "But in the shinobi world, those who abandon their missions are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash."

The genin refused to leave, their loyalty and determination overriding their fear. Zabuza's mocking laughter filled the air, a cruel sound that sent chills down their spines.

"You definitely have balls kid—"

"No, I don't." She retorted emotionlessly. "Dattebayo."

"...oh, of course, you're a chick. So, correction: you've got guts."

"I don't have guts either." Naruto stated. "Dattebayo."

Zabuza gave her a blank look before he said, "Kakashi, do you think these brats have what it means to be a shinobi?" Zabuza taunted, his voice laced with scorn. "The little pink girl couldn't even move after seeing me, and the boy? He can't even hit a rabbit properly." His words were like poison, designed to undermine their confidence and break their spirit. "That little white haired brat looks pathetic. Is that how a shinobi should dress? Not even fit to be a ninja."

Sasuke's hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms. Anger and fear mingled in his eyes, the frustration of feeling powerless burning within him. Sakura's face was pale, her hands trembling slightly, but she stood her ground, her resolve unshaken. Tazuna was barely conscious, his body trembling with fear, his mind struggling to comprehend the peril they were in.

Meanwhile, inside Naruto's mind, a battle was raging. 'Kakashi-sensei is in danger,' she thought, her usually emotionless mind now filled with urgency. 'If we don't—'

-Fellow Leaf Ninja is in danger. Assessing threat level.

'Who? Oh, great, the artificial intelligence in my head,' she responded internally, her frustration mingling with her determination. 'Are you going to sabotage me once again?'

-Scan complete. Temporary access to 15% skills granted.

A sudden rush of information flooded Naruto's mind, a torrent of knowledge and instincts that overwhelmed her senses. Before she could fully process it, her body moved on its own, delivering a powerful kick to one of Zabuza's water clones. The force of the blow shattered the clone into a spray of water droplets. Zabuza's eyes widened in surprise, but his clones quickly engaged her in hand-to-hand combat. To everyone's astonishment, Naruto easily overwhelmed them, her movements swift and precise, her expression remaining emotionless.

The real Zabuza, still holding Kakashi in the water prison, along with the rest of Team Seven and Tazuna, watched with wide eyes. Naruto's movements were a blur, her strikes calculated and efficient. She moved with a grace and power that belied her petite frame, each attack perfectly timed and executed.

One of Zabuza's clones swung the Executioner's Blade at Naruto, aiming to cut her in half. The massive sword gleamed menacingly as it sliced through the air. Just as the blade was about to strike, there was a flash of yellow light.

"Senju Style: Kenjutsu."

When the light died down, there was the sound of electric—

Naruto now held a katana crackling with lightning chakra.

Kakashi and Zabuza's eyes widened in recognition. The Raijin, the legendary sword of the Second Hokage, was a weapon of immense power. Both men were stunned, knowing that the sword had been stolen years ago. How did she have it? The question hung in the air, unspoken but palpable.

Naruto had already defeated the water clones and was closing in on the real Zabuza. The eater under her steps vaporized and Sands turned solied. Her movements were fluid and unyielding, each step bringing her closer to her target.

"Objective: Neutralize the threat. Dattebayo."

Seeing no other option, Zabuza released Kakashi and prepared to fight Naruto directly. He swung the Executioner's Blade with all his might, but the Raijin cut through it effortlessly, the blade slicing through the thick metal like butter. A scratch appeared on Zabuza's arm, blood oozing from the wound.

He stared at Naruto, his mind racing. The girl in the frilly black dress with white hair was clearly not a fresh academy graduate. There was something about her, something that defied explanation. She was an enigma, a puzzle he could not solve.

Zabuza quickly humped back, switched to water ninjutsu, forming a Water Dragon to attack her. The massive creature surged forward, its jaws opening wide to engulf her.

"Senju Slash." But Naruto effortlessly destroyed it with a single swing of the Raijin, the dragon disintegrating into a spray of water.

Sasuke watched in shock, jealousy burning in his chest. His fists clenched, his nails digging into his palms. He could not believe what he was seeing. Naruto, the girl he had always thought of as strange and robotic, was displaying a level of skill and power that he had never imagined.

Sakura and Tazuna were dumbfounded, their eyes wide with disbelief. Sakura's mouth hung open, her mind struggling to process the events unfolding before her. Tazuna, his body still trembling with fear, felt a flicker of hope ignite within him.

Kakashi, still breathing heavily, was visibly confused. His mind raced as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. Naruto was not this good in training. So now— how? How does she have the Katana of Tobirama? She was a puzzle that defied explanation. There was more to her than met the eye, and he was determined to uncover the truth.

"Who are you?" Zabuza demanded, his voice a mix of anger and curiosity. He needed answers, and he needed them now.

Naruto's response was delivered in her usual robotic manner. "Naruto Uzumaki." She said. "Academy's Dead-la… brightest student and the future Hokage, dattebayo. Mission priority: protect teammates and client. Threat level: neutralized," she finished, her tone devoid of emotion. Her eyes, however, held a glint of determination.

Zabuza noticed the Senju symbol on her arm as he dodged a swing of the Katana. "A Senju…you are HIS descendant, aren't you?"

She gave him a blank look.

"Thought so," Realizing he was outmatched, Zabuza decided to use his ultimate technique.

With a series of rapid hand seals, Zabuza caused a small tsunami to rise, the water surging towards Naruto with ferocious speed. The sheer force of the wave threatened to engulf everything in its path, the sound of crashing water echoing through the clearing.

Naruto's expression remained calm, her mind calculating the best course of action. "Water Style: Nano-Tsunami!" she declared, her voice steady and unwavering.

Instantly, a massive wave formed, dwarfing Zabuza's attack in both size and power. The two waves collided with a thunderous roar, but Naruto's technique quickly overpowered Zabuza's, sending the rogue ninja tumbling backwards.

Zabuza was hit by the force of the water, his body slamming into the ground. He struggled to his feet, his vision blurred and his body aching from the impact. Blood trickled from a cut on his forehead, mixing with the water that soaked his clothes. He looked up, his eyes narrowing as he tried to focus on Naruto.

Before any of them could react, a masked figure landed gracefully beside Zabuza's prone form. The newcomer moved with the fluidity and precision of a trained ninja, their mask hiding their features but not their intent. "He's dead," the person announced, their voice calm and steady, cutting through the tension in the air.

Naruto's eyes narrowed, her instincts on high alert. "Identify yourself," she demanded, her voice carrying an edge of authority.

Kakashi stepped forward, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp. He recognized the attire and the aura of the figure. "It's a hunter-nin from the Hidden Mist," he explained, his voice carrying a note of caution. The masked ninja turned to face him, nodding in acknowledgment.

"Kiri has been looking for him for some time now."

The hunter-nin bowed slightly, their movements graceful and controlled. "Thank you for your assistance in defeating Zabuza," they said, their tone polite and formal. "The Mizukage will be notified about your contibution, Uzumaki-san." They swiftly tied Zabuza's body in a specialized cloth, preparing to take him away.

As the hunter-nin began to move, Naruto's sword, the Raijin, vanished back into her body, the crackling lightning chakra dissipating into the air. She felt the sudden drop in her abilities, her skills reverting to their usual 5%. The disorientation was brief, and she quickly regained her composure, her expression remaining stoic.

The hunter-nin gave a final nod of thanks before disappearing into the trees, Zabuza's body in tow. The clearing was silent for a moment, the tension slowly dissipating. The battle had ended, but the implications of what had happened were just beginning to sink in.

Kakashi approached Naruto, his visible eye filled with curiosity and concern. "Naruto, we'll need to talk about this later," he said, his voice gentle but firm. His mind was racing with questions, but he knew that now was not the time for answers. Just then, he fell on the ground with a thud.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura yelled as she rushed in.

"Must have inhaled water," Naruto stated. "Initiating—"

"No! You idiot, stay away from him."

"I wish to extract water."

"By punching his chest?!"

"Yes…"

"Ugh! Sasuke-kun, can you—"

Sasuke took Kakashi on his back as Team Seven gathered around, their expressions a mix of awe and confusion. Sasuke's jealousy simmered beneath the surface, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He couldn't understand how Naruto, of all people, had displayed such incredible power. Sakura's admiration for Naruto grew, her eyes wide with newfound respect. She had always seen Naruto as strange and robotic, but now she saw her as something more – a powerful and capable ally. Tazuna, still trembling from the recent events, felt a renewed sense of hope. If Naruto could defeat someone like Zabuza, then perhaps his village stood a chance after all.

Sasuke turned to the team, his expression serious. "We need to keep moving. We're not safe here," he said, his tone brooking no argument. The team nodded in agreement, their thoughts still swirling with the events of the past few minutes.

As they continued their journey, the atmosphere was thick with unspoken questions and simmering emotions. Sasuke's thoughts were a whirlwind of envy and frustration. He had always prided himself on his abilities, but seeing Naruto wield such power had shaken him to his core. He resolved to train harder, to become stronger, so that he could surpass her and prove his worth.

Sakura walked beside Naruto, her mind racing with questions. She wanted to understand what had just happened, to know more about the girl she thought she knew. "Naruto, that was amazing," she said quietly, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "How did you do that?"

Naruto glanced at her, her expression still emotionless. "Mission priority: protect teammates and client. Threat level: neutralized," she repeated, her voice robotic but with a hint of pride. Sakura nodded, realizing that she wouldn't get more than that for now. But she was determined to learn more, to understand the mystery that was Naruto Uzumaki.

Tazuna, walking a bit behind the group, felt a sense of relief wash over him. He had been terrified for his life, but now he felt a glimmer of hope. With protectors like these, perhaps his village had a chance. He looked at Naruto, a mix of gratitude and awe in his eyes.

"Old man Tazuna?"

"Y-yes?"

"Do you have Ramen in your village?"

"No, why?"

"I wish to consume some once we get there. Do you know who might have Ramen?"

"Probably Gatou. Why— wait?! You aren't plan—"

"I shall obtain my Ramen," Naruto declared in robotic determination. "Dattebayo."

TBC

1. .

Chapter Text

Land of Waves

Team Seven finally arrived at the house of the bridge builder, feeling the weight of their journey.

"Tsunami! I am home!"

"Oh, dad! Welcome back! Who are they?"

"These are the super cool ninjas who protected me."

"Dattebayo."

"Hello,"

"Hn."

"..."

"Is that a bandit on your back? The mask sure is scary."

"That is our sensei who is currently unconscious, he wouldn't have been if I was allowed to initiate chest compression—"

"Naruto…"

"I'll stop stating facts, for now. Dattebayo."

Then they were greeted by the bridge builder's daughter, a kind and welcoming woman named Tsunami. She introduced herself warmly, "Hello, I'm Tsunami. Please, come in and make yourselves at home."

With her help, they carefully carried their unconscious teacher, Kakashi, inside and placed him gently on a bed. Tsunami's concern for their well-being was evident as she offered them food. "You all must be starving. Please, have something to eat."

As they were about to settle in the living room, Tsunami paused and wrinkled her nose. "But before you eat, you really should wash up. You all smell... like you've been through quite an ordeal."

Naruto sniffed herself and grimaced. "This body is fresh like steaming ramen. No need for such mundane tasks."

Sakura turned pink with embarrassment. "A bath sounds like a good idea," she agreed as she nudged Naruto.

Tsunami led them to a pond in their backyard. "There's only one pond, so you'll have to take turns. Girls and boys at different times."

Sakura glanced nervously at Naruto, who stood stoically as ever. She had been skeptical about sharing a bath with Naruto, but seeing her indifferent demeanor, Sakura shrugged it off. "Alright, let's get this over with."

In no time, Sakura and Naruto found themselves at the pond, stripping down for their much-needed bath. The cool water was refreshing as they stepped in, and Sakura couldn't help but feel a bit awkward.

Naruto was staring at Sakura. Sakura shuddered. Was s/he a crossdresser? She glanced at Naruto's crotch just to be sure. Nothing. Thank…wait! There was nothing?! Like nothing-nothing?!

"Sakura-chan," Naruto said emotionlessly. "Is there something you want to say?"

"Uh…"

"Because I believe looking at my… is wrong."

"N-Naruto, do you want me to rub your back?" she offered, hoping to break the ice.

Naruto turned to her, expressionless as always, and cocked her head to the side before replying in a monotone voice, "That would be okay."

Sakura hesitated, then took a deep breath and began to scrub Naruto's back. To her surprise, Naruto's skin was flawless and smooth. "Wow, Naruto, your skin is so beautiful and flawless. What kind of beauty products do you use?"

Without a hint of emotion, Naruto responded, "My skin is made of silicon. It is dust and any sort of attack proof."

Sakura blinked, then burst into laughter. "Very funny, Naruto."

Naruto's face remained blank. "It's true. My hair is also—"

"Don't say anything more," Sakura cut her off, rolling her eyes. "You're so annoying sometimes."

Despite the absurdity of the situation, Sakura couldn't help but admire Naruto's white hair. "Your hair is great too."

Naruto remained unflustered, "My hair is made of—"

"Naruto!" Sakura splashed her with water, shaking her head. "Just... stop."

Naruto shrugged, her expression unchanged. Sakura sighed and continued scrubbing her back, unable to suppress a grin. There was something oddly comforting about Naruto's peculiar nature. Despite everything, she felt a strange camaraderie growing between them.

As they finished their bath, Sakura found herself laughing more freely. Naruto's unintentional humor had lightened the mood considerably. They stepped out of the pond, feeling refreshed and, for the first time in a while, genuinely amused.

"Thanks, Naruto," Sakura said, patting her on the back. "You always know how to make things interesting."

Naruto simply nodded, her face as stoic as ever. "You're welcome, Sakura-chan."

Naruto and Sakura headed back to the house, the aroma of Tsunami's cooking wafting through the air. As they entered, they saw Kakashi and Sasuke already seated at the table.

"Kakashi-sensei, are you feeling alright?" Sakura asked, concern lacing her voice.

Kakashi waved a hand dismissively. "I'm just fine as a horse, Sakura. Thanks for not letting Naruto hit my chest."

"You're wel—"

"Are you really okay, sensei?" Naruto cut in. "Shall I initiate emergency chest compression?"

Kakashi gulped. "Naruto, are you a medical ninja?"

"Negative."

"Then please don't try to treat me."

She gave him a blank look. "Dattebayo."

"That was a 'no', right?"

"Aaaanyways," The old bridge builder, Tazuna, smiled warmly. "Naruto's actions saved us multiple times during our travels together. We owe her a lot."

Naruto, sitting down at the table, replied sheepishly, albeit robotically. "I am aware of my awesomeness."

Tazuna leaned back, his eyes twinkling as he looked at Naruto. "You know, Naruto, when we first started this journey, I had my doubts about you. You seemed... different."

Naruto tilted her head, her face emotionless. "Different?"

"Yeah, different," Tazuna said, nodding. "But during our travels, you showed incredible bravery. You faced danger head-on and never backed down. You saved us from those thugs on the bridge. If it weren't for you, I don't know what would have happened to me."

Naruto's eyes flickered with a hint of emotion. "Thank you, old man."

Tazuna chuckled. "No need to call me 'old man.' Just Tazuna will do."

Sakura, who had been quietly listening, spoke up. "Naruto may be strange, but she's proven herself time and again. We couldn't ask for a better teammate."

Kakashi nodded. "Indeed. Naruto's resourcefulness and courage are invaluable. Although I still need answers."

"I shall provide them."

Sasuke clenched his hands. 'What is she? Is she like HIM? Beloved and trustworthy, center of attention before turning into a mass murderer?'

Just then, a childish voice cut through the warm atmosphere. "You are all going to die."

The team turned to see a small, stern-faced boy standing in the doorway. Tsunami introduced him as her son. "This is Inari, my child."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Why do you think we're going to die?"

Inari's expression was resolute. "Gatou is very strong. You can't defeat him no matter how hard you try."

Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but Inari cut her off. "You're too weak to fight someone like him."

Tsunami warned him, "Inari, don't misbehave with our guests."

"They are going to be corpses in a week!"

"Inari!"

Inari sneered, his eyes flashing with defiance. "The boys are going to die, and the girls are going to be made slaves."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah! And you are—"

"We can defeat this Gatou." Naruto stated. "I can easily take out all of his troops. Kakashi-sensei can assist too."

"Maa, maa, Naruto, I think I'll pass."

"Pass out?"

They blinked before Sakura yelled. "Hey, Baka! Don't skip about Sasuke-kun!"

"You all are pathetic," their attention shifted back to the boy. "You no nothing about suffering. You have no idea what it means to lose someone. You haven't faced the real world yet. You grew peacefully, founded by people you love, how can you understand the true pain?"

Naruto's expression remained robotic, but there was a flicker of something deeper in her eyes. "You think I know nothing about being in constant threat?"

Inari scoffed, "You don't understand anything."

Naruto cocked her head, her voice taking on an oddly mechanical tone. "How do you know that? Are you a spy?'

No reply.

"How do you know we're not under constant threat? Your information is incorrect."

The room fell silent. Inari stared at Naruto, his bravado faltering. There was an unexpected gravity to her words that resonated with everyone.

"We live in a military village where we are under the threat of being attacked every moment. There are 189 orphans living in the orphanage. There are 356 children who live in the alleys. There are 10965 graves in the cemetery—only shinobi. There are more than 300 children who live empty-stomached every night. There yes no one for them to sing a lullaby, no want to say 'Good morning', every month more than 10 of those children die. No, it isn't poverty that kills them— it's loneliness."

Her speech was robotic, but there was too much motion behind those words. Kakashi believed that if she could cry then she would've been streaming tears by now.

"No, you are the one who does not understand. It is you who doesn't know anything." She continued. "I do not have the information about whom you lost, but at least you have a grandfather for you to spend time with, a mother who looks after you. There are thousands of people out there living alone," she gazed at him, her eyes gleaming. "Are you really that knowledgeable about pain?"

Silence.

"No matter how strong Gatou is, we will definitely defeat him and take away all his Raman…eh…" Naruto faked a cough, catching herself. "We will liberate the country. Dattebayo."

Naruto then did something that left everyone slack-jawed. She opened her mouth so wide that it seemed a small ball could fit inside, and then she shoved an entire bowl of rice into her mouth in one go.

Sasuke and Sakura exchanged astonished glances. Tsunami and Tazuna looked equally bewildered. Kakashi just sighed and shook his head.

Naruto swallowed the rice and stood up. "I'm going to train in the woods for some time."

Without waiting for a response, she walked out, leaving the room in stunned silence. Inari watched her go, a mixture of confusion and something akin to respect and fear in his eyes. Sakura and Sasuke were left to ponder the odd blend of seriousness and humor that seemed to define their teammate.

Kakashi finally broke the silence, his voice soft. "Sometimes, the strongest resolve comes from the strangest places. Let's not underestimate Naruto."

oOo

The next day, as the sun climbed over the horizon, the group gathered around Kakashi, their eyes filled with anticipation. Kakashi, leaning nonchalantly against a tree, began, "I've got some news for you all. Zabuza is not dead. The hunter-ninja who took him away was fake."

Naruto's eyes glinted with a strange light as she replied in her usual monotone voice, "I knew it all along. It was merely a test to assess your observational skills, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi chuckled, amused by her robotic bravado. "Sure, Naruto. Well, in any case, we need to prepare for the possibility that Zabuza will return. So today, I'm going to teach you some techniques to strengthen your chakra control."

Sasuke, ever the skeptic, crossed his arms. "Techniques?"

Sakura, ever the diligent student, leaned in, eager to learn. "What kind of techniques, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi pushed himself off the tree and started walking towards the woods. "Follow me and you'll see."

The team followed him to a clearing surrounded by tall trees. Kakashi pointed to the trees. "Today, you'll learn how to climb trees using your chakra. It's an essential skill that will help you in battle."

Naruto tilted her head, her expression as blank as ever. "Climb trees? Using chakra? What is the purpose of this exercise?"

Sasuke huffed. "Sounds simple enough. We can climb trees already."

Kakashi's eye crinkled in amusement. "Not like this." He walked over to a tree and began to walk up its trunk, hands casually in his pockets. The team watched in awe as he made his way up to the first branch without using his hands.

Sakura's eyes widened. "Wow, that's incredible!"

Naruto's eyes followed him with mechanical precision. "Analyzing technique... Impressive."

Sasuke, always determined to be the best, immediately tried to mimic Kakashi's actions. He took a few steps up the tree before his chakra control wavered, and he slid back down. He tried again, his face set in concentration, but he kept falling.

Sakura, on the other hand, managed to walk up the tree on her first try, her control precise and efficient. Naruto, with her perfect chakra control, also climbed up effortlessly, her face still devoid of any emotion.

Sasuke glared at the two girls from the base of the tree, his frustration growing. Sakura tried to cheer him up. "Don't worry, Sasuke-kun. You'll get it. Just focus on your chakra."

Naruto, however, took a different approach. "Failure rate: 100%. Probability of success: minimal," she teased in her robotic monotone.

Sasuke's pride couldn't take the constant mockery. "That's it!" he snapped. "Naruto, I challenge you to a spar. Let's see if you can back up that big mouth of yours."

Naruto's head tilted slightly, as if calculating the odds. "Challenge accepted. Initiating Duck-butt-kicking mode."

The two squared off in the clearing, their teammates watching intently. Sasuke charged first, his speed and agility evident as he closed the distance between them. He threw a punch, which Naruto effortlessly dodged, her movements almost too smooth, too calculated.

But Sasuke wasn't done. He quickly followed up with a series of kicks and punches, pushing Naruto back. Her movements, though precise, seemed almost slow compared to his fury. With a final, swift move, Sasuke managed to trip Naruto, sending her to the ground. He pinned her down, his breath coming in quick gasps. "Get off me," Naruto said, her tone still robotic, despite being winded.

Sasuke's eyes blazed with anger. "Are you underestimating me by not using your full strength?" he yelled.

Inside Naruto's mind, a heated debate was raging. 'Grant me access to 100% potential of the body. I will make sure he cannot revive his clan anymore. Dattebayo.'

-Denied.

'Why?'

-The Leaf is not under attack. No Leaf ninja is in danger. No civilian—

'Silence.'

Before the debate could continue, Sasuke kicked her butt as he stood up. "Ouch, that was humiliating," Naruto muttered, more to herself than anyone else.

Sasuke shot her an angry look as he walked away, his pride still stinging from the earlier taunts.

Sakura ran after him, her voice filled with concern. "Sasuke-kun, wait!"

Naruto stood up, dusting off her butt, her face still devoid of any emotion. She looked at Kakashi, who was watching the entire scene with amusement. "Kakashi-sensei, shall we continue the tree climbing exercise?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Eh, no, Naruto. How about you accompany Tazuna today as his guard?"

"Assignment accepted."

oOo

"Are we going to light up the museum?"

"After I collect some puppets."

"Tch, always after those dolls, eh? That's what girls do."

"That's rich coming from someone who looks like a girl."

"Haaaaa! Take that back, old-timer!"

"I never gave you anything that I should take back."

"Ugh! So annoying. How far is the Land of Wave?"

"We'll be there in a week."

TBC

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Android Chef

Naruto crouched in the woods, her eyes gleaming with an almost maniacal fervor as she worked on her makeshift stove. She had stolen the Mr. Noodles packets, and now, nothing would stand between her and a steaming bowl of ramen. The water in her pot bubbled merrily, and she tossed in the noodles with the precision of a seasoned chef.

She could not taste food as she could before but he will make sure that every ramen she ever makes is going to be epic.

As the noodles cooked, her eyes darted around the forest floor, searching for potential toppings. Her gaze landed on a rabbit munching on some grass nearby. "Rabbit meat would make a delicious topping," she thought aloud, her voice devoid of emotion despite the hunger-driven madness in her eyes.

She sprang into action, her movements swift and mechanical. The rabbit, sensing danger, bolted. Naruto chased it with an intensity that bordered on absurdity, arms outstretched, her legs pumping like pistons. "Toppling acquisition in progress. Target: Rabbit," she muttered, her tone flat and unwavering.

The rabbit zigzagged through the underbrush, but Naruto was relentless. Just as she was about to pounce and snap its neck, a voice called out, "Hey, wait!"

Naruto halted mid-air, landing awkwardly but maintaining her grip on the rabbit. She turned to see a girl standing nearby, wearing a soft, flowing kimono and a gentle smile. The girl's long black hair framed her delicate features, and her eyes sparkled with kindness.

"Thank you for catching my bunny!" the girl said, her voice sweet and melodic.

Naruto, still holding the rabbit, quickly recalibrated her response. "I was not attempting to kill it for cooking purposes," she stated, her tone as mechanical as ever. "I was merely... uh... verifying ownership."

The girl gave her a puzzled look before introducing herself. "My name is Haku. Thank you for catching him." Naruto reluctantly handed the bunny over, her eyes lingering on the animal with a mix of longing and regret.

Haku noticed her lingering gaze and asked, "What are you doing out here so early in the morning?"

"Cooking ramen," Naruto replied matter-of-factly. "Dattebayo."

"Why?" Haku asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

Naruto launched into an explanation, her voice a monotone recital of bizarre logic. "Ramen is a highly esteemed culinary creation. Its noodles are the perfect carbohydrate base, and the broth, when prepared correctly, is an elixir of flavor. The toppings add layers of texture and taste, creating a harmonious symphony of gastronomic delight."

Haku blinked, clearly trying to process the robotic girl's strange obsession. Deciding to steer the conversation in another direction, she asked, "Do you have anyone you want to protect?"

Naruto paused, her expression as unreadable as ever. "I want to protect everyone I care about. It is my duty as a shinobi. Dattebayo."

Haku's face softened, and she smiled. "When you have someone precious to protect, you can become as strong as you need to be."

The early morning light filtered through the trees, casting a golden glow around them. The moment felt almost magical, a serene interlude in the midst of the chaos of their lives.

As Haku turned to leave, she glanced back and said, "By the way, I'm actually a boy."

Naruto cocked her head, processing this new information. "I thought you were a failed scientific experiment—neither boy nor girl."

Haku froze for a moment, then shook his head with a bemused smile. "No, just a boy," he said, walking away.

Naruto shrugged, her mind already shifting back to her culinary mission. She spotted a bird perched on a nearby tree branch. "Not a bunny, but perhaps some bird topping would suffice," she mused, her eyes narrowing with renewed determination as she plotted her next move.

o—O—o

Sasuke woke up early in Tsunami's house, the soft morning light filtering through the thin curtains of the small room he had been assigned. The house, modest yet warmly decorated, exuded a sense of care and home. Simple wooden furniture filled the room, and a faint scent of the sea lingered in the air. The walls were adorned with family photographs, hinting at the close-knit bond shared by Tsunami and her family.

Determined to train and surpass Naruto, Sasuke dressed swiftly in his ninja gear, the cool morning air sharp against his skin as he stepped outside. He made his way to the nearby woods, where the dense canopy of trees created a serene, natural training ground. Birds chirped overhead, and the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze provided a soothing soundtrack to his thoughts.

Reaching a suitable clearing, Sasuke began his chakra training, focusing intently on climbing trees without the aid of his hands. He recalled Kakashi's instructions, channeling his chakra to his feet, attempting to maintain the delicate balance required to stick to the tree's surface. With each step, he felt his control improving, but after a few minutes, he grew frustrated with his lack of progress.

Taking a break, Sasuke sat at the base of a tree, analyzing his technique. He needed to understand what he was doing wrong, what he could improve. Just then, he noticed a blur in the trees. Reacting instinctively, he reached for his kunai, ready to defend himself. But as the figure came into focus, he realized it was Naruto, chasing a squirrel with single-minded determination.

Naruto's voice, monotone and precise, cut through the stillness of the morning. "Target acquired: squirrel. Potential topping for ramen."

Sasuke watched in bewilderment as Naruto darted from tree to tree, her movements a strange blend of robotic efficiency and wild abandon. "Toopling... must secure toopling..."

He clenched his fists, a mixture of irritation and admiration surging through him. "So this is her secret. She practices with animals." Sasuke's eyes narrowed in determination as he spotted a beetle crawling nearby. "Hn, I'll surpass her."

Sasuke returned to his training with renewed vigor. He launched himself at the trees again, focusing his chakra with meticulous precision. Each step was deliberate, each movement controlled. He envisioned Naruto's relentless pursuit of the squirrel, her bizarre dedication, and it fueled his own resolve.

Meanwhile, Naruto's chase through the woods continued unabated. She moved with mechanical efficiency, her mind solely focused on capturing the elusive squirrel. "Toopling is essential for optimal ramen experience," she muttered, her eyes locked onto the small creature darting between the trees.

The squirrel, sensing it was being hunted, zigzagged through the underbrush, but Naruto was relentless. Her hands reached out, fingers splayed, as she closed in on her target.

The squirrel yelped in her grip.

"Target secured. It's time for some ramen." she nodded. "Dattebayo.'

o—O—o

Sakura woke up to the soft light of dawn filtering through the window. She rubbed her eyes, blinking away the remnants of sleep, and turned to find Naruto's bed empty. "Where could she be this early?" Sakura wondered aloud. She stretched and yawned, then made her way to the bathroom.

After taking care of business, she splashed her face with cold water to fully wake herself up. The bathroom was quaint, with old tiles and a slightly cracked mirror, but it served its purpose. Refreshed, she quickly changed into her ninja clothes, adjusting her headband and making sure every piece of her outfit was in place.

Once ready, she headed down the hallway and knocked on the boys' room door. There was no answer. "Hmm, maybe they're still asleep," she thought. A mischievous grin spread across her face. "Maybe I can catch a glimpse of Sasuke sleeping. That would be so cute!"

Giggling to herself, she gently opened the door and peeked inside. Her heart sank when she saw the neatly made bed with no Sasuke in sight. "Oh, come on," she muttered, closing the door behind her. She sighed in disappointment and began searching the house for her teammates.

The house was cozy, filled with the warmth of Tsunami's hospitality. She checked the kitchen, where the remnants of last night's dinner still lingered. The living room was empty, save for the faint smell of fresh tea. She even peeked into the small storage room but found nothing.

"Where could they be?" she asked herself, a sense of unease creeping in. Her mind began to spiral with wild thoughts. "What if Naruto and Sasuke are off training together without me? Or worse... what if they're doing something else together?" Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink at the thought.

Suddenly, her musings were interrupted by a distant voice coming from the woods. "Initiating the pleasurable—"

Her heart skipped a beat. "Oh no... are they..." Without wasting another second, she bolted out of the house, running faster than she ever had before. Her feet barely touched the ground as she raced towards the source of the voice, her mind filled with all sorts of wild and embarrassing scenarios.

As she reached the edge of the woods, she followed Naruto's voice, weaving through the trees with determination. Finally, she burst into a small clearing and froze in shock. There was Naruto, standing over a squirrel with a kitchen knife poised to strike.

"Naruto-Baka?! Why are you killing this innocent squirrel?" Sakura shouted, rushing forward to snatch the poor creature from Naruto's grasp.

Naruto turned to her, eyes blank and unblinking. "Squirrel topping would enhance the flavor profile of ramen significantly," she stated in her usual monotone voice. "Dattebayo."

Sakura shuddered at the thought, cradling the trembling squirrel in her arms. "No way! I'm not letting you kill this poor animal for your weird ramen experiments!"

Naruto took a step forward, her expression unchanging. "You will not take my food source," she said flatly. "Squirrel ramen would be delicious."

Sakura gulped, feeling a mix of fear and disbelief. "Naruto, you're not just being an idiot, you're being heartless!"

Before the situation could escalate, Kakashi appeared between them in a puff of smoke, his single visible eye glancing from one girl to the other. "What's going on here?"

Naruto immediately launched into an explanation. "Sakura is attempting to deprive me of my food source."

Sakura threw her hands up in exasperation. "Naruto is trying to kill a squirrel to make ramen! She's lost it!"

Kakashi scratched his head, his expression thoughtful. "Naruto, there's a pond nearby. You could use fish as a topping instead of this poor squirrel."

Naruto paused, considering the suggestion. "Fish topping is an acceptable substitute," she finally said, turning to walk away.

As she left, Sakura let out a sigh of relief, cradling the squirrel protectively. "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. I was really worried she'd go through with it."

Kakashi smiled under his mask. "Naruto's methods may be strange, but she means well. Let's keep an eye on her, okay?"

Sakura nodded, her heart still racing from the bizarre encounter. She watched as Naruto made her way towards the pond, still driven by her unwavering determination to create the perfect bowl of ramen, albeit with a more acceptable topping this time.

Meanwhile, Sasuke, who had been watching the entire scene from a distance, shook his head in disbelief. "Even if she is mentally unstable, is still a formidable ninja."

He turned back to his training, focusing his chakra with renewed determination. He would not let Naruto's eccentric methods distract him from his own goal of becoming stronger. And so, amidst the tranquility of the woods and the strange antics of his teammates, Sasuke redoubled his efforts, climbing the trees with increasing skill and precision.

TBC

Chapter Text

The Fight At The Bridge: I

Naruto couldn't help but wonder why everyone was looking at her as she guided the old bridge builder, Tazuna, through the village. She was a ninja, after all—perhaps that was the reason? Her bright white hair and black frilly dress did tend to draw attention.

As they walked, Naruto noticed a group of men ogling her. She turned to face them, her expression robotic and unblinking. "What are you looking at?" she asked innocently.

One of the men, a burly fellow with a scruffy beard, chuckled and elbowed his friend. "We're just admiring your... ninja skills," he said with a smirk.

Another man piped up, "Yeah, you're really... impressive. How about showing us a few moves, huh?"

Naruto tilted her head to the side, processing their words. "Thank you for the compliments," she said robotically. The men exchanged looks, thinking they had a chance.

One particularly bold man stepped forward, a sly grin spreading across his face. "Hey, sweetheart, why don't you come over here and give us a private demonstration of those ninja moves? I bet you could teach us a thing or two."

Naruto blinked, her innocent and robotic demeanor not catching the underlying meaning of their words. "Demonstration of ninja skills? Affirmative."

Thinking that they were acting very weird, Naruto decided to ask Bitch, the AI in her mind, for help. 'Bitch, why are these men acting strange?'

-Scanning. Conclusion: Their intentions are inappropriate. Administering a corrective measure may benefit them.

Naruto's hands crackled with lightning chakra as she raised them. The men began to back away, alarmed by the sudden display of power. "It's going to be okay. I am going to help you out of your misery," Naruto declared. "Dattebayo."

The burly man with the scruffy beard laughed nervously, raising his hands in a placating gesture. "Whoa, whoa, kid, no need to get violent. We were just having some fun!"

Naruto ignored their protests and took a step forward, her hands glowing with crackling blue energy. "Initiating corrective action, dattebayo."

With a swift motion, Naruto grabbed the arm of the bold man, sending a jolt of electricity through him. He convulsed and screamed, his eyes rolling back in his head as he collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

"Corrective action initiated," Naruto said, her tone flat and unwavering.

Another man tried to run, but Naruto was faster. She extended her hand and released a bolt of lightning that struck him square in the back. He yelped and crumpled to the ground, twitching.

"It's for your own good," Naruto said, stepping over the fallen men with a blank expression. "Dattebayo."

The remaining men, seeing how mentally dangerous she seemed, quickly backed away, not wanting to be her next patients. "Okay, okay! We get it! We won't bother you anymore!"

Naruto then turned to Tazuna. "There is no guarantee the men are completely healed. Further treatment may be required."

Just as she was about to administer another shock to the unconscious men, Tazuna waved his hands frantically. "Stop, stop! Crazy people are an asset to every country! You shouldn't heal them too much, or they'll be useless!"

Naruto paused, considering his words. "I understand. I will make them much more crazy." She raised her hands again, ready to deliver another dose of electricity.

Before she could proceed, a commotion erupted on the bridge. Thick mist began to envelop the place, obscuring their vision. Tazuna looked around nervously. "What's going on?"

Naruto stood at the ready, her eyes scanning the mist. "An enemy is approaching. Initiating defensive protocols."

Tazuna clung to her, his eyes wide with fear. "Just keep me safe, okay?"

Naruto nodded mechanically. "Affirmative. Protecting the client is the primary objective."

As the mist thickened, the eerie silence was broken only by the sound of Naruto's crackling chakra and the occasional groan from the men she had electrified. The atmosphere grew tense as they awaited whatever—or whoever—was coming their way.

Naruto was about to take Tazuna and run from the bridge when she was blindsided by a powerful kick to her abdomen, sending her flying through the air. She twisted mid-flight, landing gracefully on her feet like a seasoned gymnast.

'Bitch?'

-Enemy identification complete: Zabuza Momochi and the fake hunter-nin.

Her eyes narrowed, glowing with chakra as she activated her enhanced vision, piercing through the dense mist that surrounded them. She saw Zabuza's massive blade descending towards the defenseless Tazuna.

-Client in danger. 25% power of 2B granted.

"Dattebayo," she murmured, her voice tinged with excitement.

In an instant, she vanished from her spot, reappearing behind Tazuna and shoving him aside. Her hands shot up to catch Zabuza's massive sword, halting its deadly descent mere inches from her face. The force of the clash sent shockwaves through the air, the metallic screech echoing across the misty bridge.

Zabuza's eyes widened in surprise before narrowing in a snarl. "So, the little girl has some tricks up her sleeve."

Naruto's grip tightened on the blade, her expression cold and unyielding. "Incorrect. I am not a little girl. Dattebayo."

They launched into a whirlwind of motion, their figures blurring with the speed of their attacks. Zabuza swung his sword with brute force, attempting to overpower her, but Naruto moved with mechanical precision, dodging and parrying each strike with ease.

"You think you can stand against me, girl? You should be wearing something more appropriate than that frilly black dress if you want to be taken seriously as a shinobi," Zabuza taunted, a mocking grin spreading across his face.

Naruto's response was immediate and cutting. "Your attire is also ill-suited for combat. Suggestion: reconsider your fashion choices. Dattebayo."

With a powerful thrust, Naruto sent Zabuza skidding back across the bridge, his feet gouging deep ruts into the concrete. He recovered quickly, charging at her with renewed fury. The two clashed again, their movements so fast they were almost imperceptible to the naked eye.

Zabuza swung his sword in a wide arc, aiming to cleave Naruto in half. She nimbly sidestepped, her hands crackling with lightning chakra. Thrusting her palm forward, she released a bolt of electricity that Zabuza narrowly dodged.

"You're quick, I'll give you that," Zabuza growled, his voice dripping with venom. "But you're still just a little girl playing ninja."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Incorrect. I am a kunoichi, and you are obsolete. Dattebayo."

She closed the distance between them in an instant, delivering a series of lightning-fast punches and kicks that forced Zabuza on the defensive. Each blow landed with precision, targeting his pressure points and joints, disrupting his movements.

Zabuza retaliated with a brutal slash, but Naruto ducked under the blade, her fist connecting with his ribs with a bone-crushing impact. He staggered back, clutching his side.

"You're tough, but not tough enough," Zabuza spat, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. "Unlike last time, I am at my full strength as I have…" he showed her some green beans in his palm. "The Senzu Beans." He put them in his mask, eating them. Naruto narrowed her eyes as she saw his wounds getting healed instantly and his chakra refilling. "I can go on forever!"

Naruto's response was icy and relentless. "Your assessment is flawed. Dattebayo."

With a fluid motion, she flipped backward, her foot catching Zabuza under the chin and sending him airborne. Before he could recover, she was above him, her hand glowing with chakra. She brought it down with devastating force, sending him crashing into the bridge with a thunderous impact.

Zabuza lay in a crater, dazed and battered. He struggled to his feet, glaring at Naruto with a mixture of rage and disbelief. "How… how can a little girl have this much power?"

Naruto's eyes remained unyielding, her voice a monotone. "You have underestimated me. That is your error. Dattebayo."

As Zabuza prepared to launch another assault, Naruto's focus shifted momentarily. The fake hunter-nin emerged from the mist, targeting Tazuna. With a swift motion, Naruto intercepted, her speed blurring her form. She caught the hunter-nin's senbon needles with her fingertips, snapping them effortlessly.

"Protecting the client is my priority," she declared, her voice unwavering. "It was really idiotic of you to face such an excellent shinobi like me together. My sidekicks shall—"

"You really think we came here to fight you, a little girl, alone without a plan?"

"Dattebayo?"

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough!"

Zabuza and the hunter-nin regrouped, realizing they were facing an opponent unlike any they had encountered before. The tension thickened, the air charged with anticipation as they prepared for the next round of their battle.

But Naruto stood resolute, her robotic determination and unwavering focus a testament to her strength. She was ready to protect Tazuna at all costs, and nothing would stand in her way.

TBC

Chapter Text

The Fight At The Bridge: II

Zabuza, with an intense glare and a swift series of hand signs, conjured a torrent of Water Bullet jutsu, each projectile hurtling towards Naruto with deadly intent. The bullets whizzed through the air, slicing through the mist with hissing sounds, but Naruto dodged them with the agility of a gymnast, flipping and twisting mid-air. Her movements were fluid and precise, each dodge accompanied by the sharp crack of displaced air.

Zabuza, momentarily winded from his relentless assault, took a brief respite to catch his breath. In that split second, Naruto vanished from her position, reappearing above him like a shadow. With a powerful downward kick, she struck his shoulder, the impact reverberating through his body and sending him skidding perilously close to the edge of the bridge. The concrete beneath him cracked and groaned from the force.

As Zabuza struggled to regain his footing, the fake hunter-nin, Haku, appeared in a blur, catching Zabuza just in time to prevent him from falling off the bridge. Haku then turned his attention to Naruto, his eyes narrowing. With a swift movement, he summoned ice spears, their crystalline edges gleaming ominously in the dim light. He lunged at Naruto, who responded by flying through a series of hand signs.

"Water Style: Water Cannon!" she declared, her voice echoing with authority.

Three powerful jets of water burst forth, each one a miniature torrent aimed directly at Haku. The water roared as it surged towards him, forcing Haku to leap aside with agility, the ice spears shattering harmlessly against the ground.

Zabuza, now steady, created five water clones, each one armed with a massive blade identical to his own. They charged at Naruto in unison, the sound of their footfalls a synchronized rhythm of impending doom. Lightning chakra crackled around Naruto's hand as she conjured Raijin, the legendary katana of Tobirama Senju. The blade hummed with energy, illuminating her face with an ethereal glow.

Naruto met the oncoming assault head-on, her movements a blur of precision and power. She parried the first clone's attack with ease, the sound of clashing blades ringing through the mist. With a swift counter, she sliced through the clone, dispersing it into a spray of water. She continued to move with mechanical efficiency, each swing of her katana destroying a clone in a dazzling display of skill.

However, just as the last clone disintegrated, Haku appeared behind Naruto, his hands weaving a complex sign. "Ice Style: Ice Mirror Prison," he intoned, his voice cold and emotionless.

Mirrors of ice materialized around Naruto, encircling her in a crystalline cage. Haku's reflection appeared in each mirror, his image multiplying until it was impossible to discern the real one. "Nobody has ever escaped this technique," he declared with confidence.

Naruto's eyes narrowed as she recognized the voice. "You... you're that girly boy from the forest."

"Yes," Haku replied, his voice calm. "My name is Haku."

Zabuza, seeing an opportunity, dashed towards Tazuna, his sword poised for the kill. "I'll finish the old man, and you can't do anything about it!" he shouted, his voice filled with malice.

Tazuna trembled, his face pale with fear. But Naruto remained unfazed. "Do not underestimate me," she whispered, forming a hand sign. "Flying Thunder God."

In an instant, she vanished from the prison, leaving Haku stunned. Zabuza was mere inches away from striking Tazuna when a flash of white and black appeared before him. Naruto stood there, her sapphire eyes devoid of emotion.

"Senju Slash," she said, her voice a mere whisper.

In one fluid motion, she swung her katana, the blade slicing through the air with a high-pitched whistle. Zabuza barely had time to react as the upper part of his body was severed cleanly from the lower half. He fell in two pieces, a look of shock frozen on his face.

"Zabuza-sama!" Haku cried out, rushing to his fallen master. He pulled out a small green bean and shoved it into Zabuza's mouth. In a blinding flash of white light, Zabuza's body reassembled, the wound healing instantly.

Naruto narrowed her eyes, her mind racing. 'Bitch?'

The AI responded promptly. -Analyzing the bean. Analysis complete. This is a synthetically produced herbal bean that defies biological laws. Senzu Bean, as they call it, is not recorded in any medical books from the Elemental Nations.

'How do we defeat Zabuza?'

-Eliminate him.

'Without killing him.'

-Cut off his and Haku's limbs to prevent them from consuming more Senzu Beans.

'That's still brutal.' Naruto sighed internally. 'But it's the best option.'

With renewed determination, Naruto prepared for the next round, her eyes fixed on her adversaries.

o—O—o

TBC

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chunin Exams: Konoha 12; Assemble!

Gai woke up as early as possible, which was 3:00 a.m. for him. Today was a big day. Today was the day his students were going to attend the Chunin Exams.

He leaped out of bed with the enthusiasm of a thousand suns. "YOUTH!" he declared to the empty room, flexing his biceps at the mirror. He brushed his teeth with vigorous zeal, imagining each brushstroke as another step towards his students' success. After a trip to the bathroom and some dynamic stretching, he finished his morning routine, donning his signature green jumpsuit with pride. "Today is the day, my beloved students," he said to himself, striking a triumphant pose. "Today, we shall show the world the power of youth!"

It was 10:00 a.m. when he reached the academy, having jogged there at a brisk pace while doing handstands for the extra challenge. The area was full of students from all over the Elemental Nations. Strong ones, weak ones, nervous ones, and excited ones. Gai scanned the crowd, his eyes sparkling with determination.

"Neji Hyuga," he murmured to himself, spotting his student standing confidently among the throng. The boy was an absolute genius, a prodigy on par with the most talented chunin. He had the potential to go far, very far.

He turned his attention to Tenten and Lee. Tenten was meticulously checking her weapons, her brows furrowed in concentration. "She just needs a bit more proficiency," Gai thought, nodding approvingly. Lee was doing push-ups in the middle of the courtyard, shouting motivational phrases with every repetition. "And Lee... if only he could develop his strategic thinking a bit more."

His thoughts drifted to his eternal rival, Kakashi, who had also entered his students in this year's exam. Sasuke Uchiha, the Rookie of the Year and the solo survivor of the Uchiha clan, was undeniably talented. Sakura Haruno, a prodigy in terms of scriptural knowledge and the Kunoichi of the Year, had brains to spare. And then there was Naruto Uzumaki, the academy's dead last, and the son of the Fourth Hokage.

"Poor boy," Gai mused. "He's been overlooked, ignored, and avoided by the village. Even if he has Minato's genes, the environment he grew up in was not very helpful for his mental and intellectual development. But he has Kage-level chakra reserves. Maybe he has potential."

Gai smirked. Sasuke might be strong, Sakura might be smart, but his team would be the best. They stood no chance against his team.

Just at that moment, someone tapped on his shoulder. "Yo," came the lazy drawl.

"Kakashi! My eternal rival, you arrived early. Quite unusual for you," Gai exclaimed, spinning around.

"Ma, ma, Gai," Kakashi chuckled, his eye curving into a crescent. "I didn't want to miss all the entertainment I'm going to catch from here."

"Quite true, my friend!" Gai grinned broadly. "But it will not be as entertaining as it will be when your students fail the exam because my students are going to prevail!"

"So who is your best?"

"Neji Hyuga!"

"A Hyuga, huh?" Kakashi chuckled. "Well, I have a synthetic shinobi."

Gai's eyes widened in disbelief, his jaw practically hitting the floor. "A Synthetic Shinobi? What in the world does that even mean, Kakashi?"

Kakashi closed his book with a soft snap and finally looked up, his single visible eye crinkling in amusement. "It's quite simple, really. Naruto underwent an experimental procedure. She's now an android made of silicon and wood, designed to be stronger and more resilient."

Gai blinked rapidly, trying to process the information. "You mean to tell me that Naruto, the dead last of the academy, is now some kind of... of... super shinobi?"

Kakashi nodded. "Precisely. Her body is enhanced with advanced technology, giving her abilities far beyond what we initially expected. And she's still got that endless determination and spirit."

"Why do you refer Naruto as 'her'?"

"Because Naruto is a girl, I suppose."

Gai shook his head, still in disbelief. "I suppose I should have known better…but…you have creativity my friend… but... this is beyond my wildest expectations."

Kakashi chuckled. "Thanks."

"That wasn't a compliment!"

"Don't care."

"Huh? What does that even mean? And tell me the truth about Naruto!"

"Hm? You say something?" Kakashi said without looking up from the book he had just opened.

"Curse that hip and cool attitude of yours!"

o—O—o

Meanwhile, at the Academy, the atmosphere buzzed with excitement. Students from all over the elemental nations had gathered, creating a vibrant and competitive environment. Team Seven was among the crowd, their eyes scanning the faces of their fellow competitors.

As Team Seven entered the Academy building, they noticed people shooting them calculative looks, trying to gauge their strength and abilities.

Naruto blinked and was about to ask some of them why they were staring when Sasuke intervened. "Ignore them," he said curtly.

They saw a commotion in front of room 324.

"Please, let us through!" a boy pleaded desperately.

"Tch," scoffed a boy blocking the entrance, a toothpick in his mouth. "You don't have what it takes to be a chunin. Back off."

"I thought this was the second floor," Sakura observed.

"It is," Sasuke assured her. "They're trying to weed out those who lack potential through deception."

Naruto blinked. "So we should—"

"We should head to the third floor," Sasuke interjected. "Fewer competitors mean better chances for us."

"Ah," Naruto nodded. "So I should knock out everyone so we have no competitors at all." She looked quite satisfied with her plan. "I am a genius. Dattebayo."

Sakura quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her away before she could act on her impulsive idea.

Just as they were about to leave, a voice spoke behind them. "Identify yourself."

Naruto turned back mechanically. "I am Naruto Uzumaki, Rookie of the Year, and the most talented—"

"So you are not only the dead last," said a boy with pale eyes and long hair coldly, "but also a petty liar." He tapped his forehead protector. "I am a shinobi of this village who graduated last year, so I know exactly WHO Naruto Uzumaki is. This year's dead last. Although, I thought you were a boy."

His cold statement drew chuckles from those around them.

Naruto stuttered mechanically. "I…uh…was…assessing…your—"

A girl with two buns on her head stood beside the boy, she offered them a smile. She extended a hand towards Naruto who was still stuttering. "I am Tenten, this is Neji Hyuga. Nice to meet ya'!"

Naruto ignored her, still processing the fact that she was humiliated in front of so many people.

Sakura grabbed her hand and shook it. "I am Sakura and this is Sasuke."

Sasuke glared at the boy. "Sakura, these are our competitors, no need to get so friendly."

"Sasuke Uchiha," Neji took a step forward. "This year's Rookie of the Year. The last loyal Uchiha. I expect a good competition from you."

"Whatever," Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Loser, Sakura, let's go."

Just when they were about to leave, a green blur shot in front of them, and they were immediately on guard but relaxed when they saw the person wearing a Leaf headband.

"Yosh!" The boy clad in a strange green jumpsuit exclaimed. His eyebrows wiggled like maggots. He had a bowl-cut hairstyle. "Sasuke Uchiha! This year's Rookie of the Year! I hope we can have respectable battles."

"Back off, weirdo," Sasuke said, looking bored.

The boy turned his attention to the girls, his jaw dropping. Sakura gulped as he looked her up and down with his mouth open. Then he looked at Naruto.

"Who might these beautiful blossoms be?" he asked, his tone dramatically reverent, his eyes sparkling with admiration.

Naruto blinked mechanically, clearly uncomfortable. "I... uh... Naruto Uzumaki, dattebayo."

Sakura, equally unnerved, stammered, "I-I'm Sakura Haruno. Nice to meet you."

The boy's eyes widened further. "Ah, such lovely names! I am Rock Lee, and I must say, you are the most beautiful things I have ever seen!"

Naruto and Sakura exchanged bewildered glances.

Rock Lee continued, undeterred. "I vow to protect you both from the bottom of my heart for the rest of my life. But alas, you must choose only one of you to be my eternal love! Thus, I wish to know which one of you is better suited for me."

Naruto, looking puzzled, started to say something when Sasuke interjected. "Stop bothering us, or else—" he activated his two-tomoe Sharingan, "you'll wish you hadn't messed with us."

Naruto nodded in agreement. "Acknowledge it."

"Hmph!" Sakura added, folding her arms.

Lee's expression shifted from confusion to determination. He grinned like a madman. "Yosh! So you want to keep both of them to yourself? Very well, I challenge you to a spar as last year's top student." He declared, striking a pose. "If you lose, you will not claim any of them."

Sasuke blinked, his expression one of disbelief. "Hn?!"

Naruto blinked, equally baffled. "Uh… Dattebayo…?"

Sakura blinked, shaking her head. "...cha?"

"Yosh! It appears that you have accepted my challenge! Let's head to the Academy's indoor sparring ground! "

Sasuke sighed, clearly exasperated. "...oh, fuck."

Naruto looked equally resigned. "Dattebayo."

Just then, Kakashi arrived, having witnessed the entire exchange. He sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "This is going to be interesting," he muttered to himself as he moved closer to watch the impending spar without revealing himself.

o—O—o

Unfortunately, Sasuke lost the spar easily. He was now rubbing his head, which was swelling and was currently bigger than Sakura's blossoms.

"Yosh!" Lee declared, striking a dramatic pose. "Since I have won, thus, which one of you blossoms is going to be my eternal lover?"

"...ew," Sakura shuddered. "I would rather date Kiba."

"His character is…questionable," Naruto stated, her robotic voice adding an extra layer of awkwardness. "I suspect he has a hidden agenda."

Lee clenched his fists, his determination unwavering. "I shall not back down—"

Suddenly, a gust of wind swept through the entrance and a booming voice echoed. "Lee! What is the meaning of this?!"

Everyone turned to see a man in a bright green jumpsuit identical to Lee's, his bowl-cut hairstyle and thick eyebrows unmistakable. He posed dramatically, a sparkling smile lighting up his face. "I am Maito Gai, the noble and handsome Green Beast of Konoha!"

"Gai-sensei!" Lee exclaimed, looking both horrified and excited.

Gai's expression turned stern as he marched towards Lee. "Lee, you know better than to engage in sparring matches right before the Chunin Exams! You must conserve your youthful energy for the challenges ahead!"

"But Gai-sensei," Lee protested, "I was merely defending the honor of these beautiful blossoms!"

Gai's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at Team Seven. His gaze lingered on Naruto, who stood there with her white hair and frilly black dress, looking decidedly out of place. He didn't say anything about her appearance, but his shock was evident.

"Well," Gai said, recovering quickly, "it seems you have met my eternal rival's students. Team Seven, I presume?"

Kakashi, who had been quietly observing, raised a hand in greeting. "Yo, Gai."

Gai's eyes narrowed. "Kakashi! I see your hip and cool attitude remains unchanged. But today is not about our rivalry. It is about guiding our youthful students towards success!"

Before they parted ways, Lee turned to Naruto and Sakura, his eyes shining with determination. "I shall win each of your hearts!"

"Sasuke-kun's heart too?!" Sakura exclaimed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Sasuke looked horrified.

"I had already observed that he has a questionable character," Naruto stated with a nod. "Dattebayo."

"...no." Lee blinked, his confidence momentarily shaken. "But you blossoms shall indeed fall for me."

"Yeah, when hell freezes over," Sakura stated flatly.

"Indeed, when…I…uh…" Naruto stuttered, trying to come up with a metaphor.

"We shall see then," Lee declared, his resolve unshaken.

With that, Team Seven watched as Lee and Gai walked away, their matching green jumpsuits a bizarre yet memorable sight. The Chunin Exams were already proving to be more than they had expected, and this was just the beginning.

o—O—o

Pushing aside the doors of the exam hall, Team Seven entered. Immediately, they were swarmed by…

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino appeared before them, fangirling and annoying Sasuke.

"Cha! Hey, Pig! Keep your dirty hands off Sasuke-kun!" Sakura fumed.

"Indeed. Otherwise, they will get dirtier," Naruto added. "Dattebayo."

"Haaa?" Ino's eyes widened in anger as she recalled Naruto's prank where she had been tricked by the Uzumaki into buying expensive clothes. "Naruto-Baka!" She grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her furiously as she yelled. "You still haven't returned my money!"

Naruto remained unfazed, although she was looking for an escape route.

Sakura sighed in relief, grateful that Ino's attention had shifted away from Sasuke-kun. Sasuke rolled his eyes, clearly irritated by their antics.

"Shut up, troublesome woman," a lazy voice cut through the noise. Shikamaru and Choji appeared beside them, with Shikamaru looking as disinterested as ever and Choji munching on a bag of chips.

"Were you guys forced to enter the exam too?" Shikamaru asked, his tone betraying his boredom.

"No," Sasuke replied curtly.

Shikamaru sighed deeply. "I was forced by my mom to attend this exam. Our teacher also told us to participate…"

He glanced at Naruto, who was still being shaken by Ino. "So Naruto is really a girl now, eh?" He sighed again, rubbing his temple. "I lost a good friend."

"Why?" Sakura looked offended. "Can't girls be friends?"

"Nah, women are too troublesome," Shikamaru replied bluntly.

"At least she eats ramen, right?" Choji asked, munching another chip.

Sasuke and Sakura shared a glance, both thinking about Naruto's unhealthy obsession with ramen.

"Yeah," Sakura replied. "On our last mission, she went to catch a shark for ramen… She came back in bad shape. Let's just say… Kakashi-sensei fixed her."

"'Fixed her'?" Shikamaru frowned. "Is she what, a machine?"

Before they could respond, Team Eight appeared. Kiba, bold as ever, announced, "I'm gonna beat everyone's ass in this exam!" Shino greeted everyone by not greeting anyone, while Hinata had her Byakugan activated, staring at Naruto who was still being shaken by Ino.

Kiba's eyes widened as he looked at the white-haired girl in the frilly dress. "That girl is hot!"

Sakura smirked. "That's Naruto."

"No way!"

"Impossible. Why? Because Naruto Uzumaki is a boy and that girl is not under any henge. Although she feels…odd."

"It's true," Sasuke stated. "It's really the loser."

"The fuck?!"

"Really?"

Finally, Ino joined them, having beaten Naruto enough. "You have more beatings coming, asshole!"

Naruto dusted herself off, looking unfazed, but she was really sad. She couldn't fight back against Ino because her 2B body wouldn't allow her to hurt a 'loyal Leaf shinobi'. She had been humiliated by that pale-eyed boy earlier, and that green jumpsuit-wearing boy had also creeped her robotic self out.

"Dattebayo," she replied softly, her voice tinged with an unfamiliar sadness.

Shikamaru noticed the change in her tone and raised an eyebrow. "So, Naruto, how's life as a girl?"

Naruto cocked her head to the lefy. "It's… ok."

Choji offered her a chip, trying to lighten the mood. "Here, have a chip. Food always makes things better."

Naruto took the chip, grateful for the small kindness. "Thanks, Choji."

Kiba, still processing the revelation, shook his head. "This is too weird. Anyway, don't think I'm going easy on you just because you're a girl now, Naruto."

Naruto straightened, her resolve returning. "Do bring it on, Kiba. I have yet to use some of my new moves like the Reaper Death Seal technique. You will be a good practice dummy. Dattebayo."

Kiba sneered. "Like hell I'll let you!"

"Oh, indeed, you would." She countered. "I have a bridge named after me: The Great Naruto Uzumaki Bridge. What accomplishments do you have?"

"A bridge named after you? Stop throwing lies!"

"It is a fact. Dattebayo."

Hinata, who had been quietly observing, finally spoke up. "Naruto... you look… good."

Naruto blinked, surprised by the compliment. "Uh... thanks, Hinata. But I'll still try my new techniques on you if I get the chance. You stating facts about my looks changes nothing."

"Umm…you can try the Reaper Death Seal anytime on me if you want."

"Ok."

As the group settled into conversation, a boy slightly older than them with grey hair and round-shaped glasses approached them. "You know, you're drawing quite a lot of attention to yourselves," he remarked, gesturing subtly towards the room.

They turned to see that indeed, people were looking, or more precisely, glaring at them.

Naruto took a step forward, surprising everyone. "I am Naruto Uzumaki, the future Hokage, and I'll defeat every single one of you. Dattebayo."

There was a moment of stunned silence before the foreign shinobi erupted into laughter.

"She's nuts!"

"What an idiot,"

"Mother says you're annoying."

"Interesting…"

"She looks like a h—"

"Yeah, what a—"

Naruto looked unfazed, but mentally, she was seething.

'Bitch, Reaper Death Seal, now!'

-The targets are—

'Foreign shinobi. They are making fun of our village.'

-So we are showing them their place?

'Dattebayo.'

-Initiating Reaper Death Seal in 3, 2...

Naruto felt an odd sensation above her face, as if something was materializing. Knowledge flooded through her mind.

The Uzumaki Mask.

The temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees as a sinister-looking mask appeared over her face.

She began to form hand signs…

"Summoning—"

She halted as somebody tapped her shoulder.

She blinked behind the mask and looked back. It was the older Konoha shinobi. He smiled nervously, clearly terrified as he stared at the legendary mask. "Uh… Uzumaki-san, right? If you kill them all, then you'll be taken under law because you'd be starting a ninja war."

"They mocked our village," she stated flatly.

"Correction: They mocked YOU. Besides, I expected our future Hokage to have more control over her emotions."

"Fine," she relented, then looked at the frozen foreigners. "But if they mock US again, I'll try another technique on them: Domain Expansion."

With that, the mask disappeared. She returned to her friends, who were shocked. The amount of killing intent she had just radiated was something they had never experienced before.

The older Konoha shinobi introduced himself as Kabuto. "The exam is really hard," he told them. "This is my seventh time."

"Wow! You must be really experienced then!" Sakura exclaimed.

"He failed the exam six times, he is a loser," Naruto stated emotionlessly.

Everyone looked at her, noticing her bad mood.

Kabuto continued, unfazed. "Throughout my attempts, I've gathered information about the candidates." He showed them cards which resonated with his chakra, causing information to appear on the blank cards. "Do you have somebody in mind?" he asked them.

"Red hair, kanji for 'love' on the forehead," Sasuke said.

"Hmmm… there…" Kabuto located the card. "Gaara of the Sand." He proceeded to tell them about Gaara, including his formidable reputation. Sasuke then asked about Neji and Lee.

Finally, Hinata, with a shy glance at Naruto, asked about her.

Kabuto nervously brought out her card. "Naruto Uzumaki. Genin under Kakashi Hatake. Academy's dead last but… has defeated Zabuza Momochi of the Bloody Mist and the last Ice bloodline user. Has defeated Gato, the mafia in Wave Country. Has a three-kilometer-long bridge named after her there too…"

Everyone, except Sasuke and Sakura, listened with their jaws practically hitting the ground. Naruto looked visibly pleased, striking poses with each of her accomplishments being read aloud.

Suddenly, a scarred man with a hard face, wearing a trench coat, appeared on the dais.

"Silence, maggots! The first phase of the Chunin Exams begins now!"

TBC

Chapter Text

The Written Test

The exam began with an air of palpable tension. The students were handed papers and instructed to answer nine questions.

Ibiki, the head examiner, stood at the front of the room, his presence intimidating. "Listen up," he announced, his voice echoing through the silent room. "You have an hour to answer these questions. The final question will be given to you only after you have completed the first nine. Remember, if you're caught cheating, not only will you be disqualified, but your entire team will be as well. So think carefully before you decide to cheat."

They were also told that the tenth question would be given only after they finished the first nine. The catch? If anyone was caught cheating, they and their entire genin team would be disqualified and suspended.

As soon as he finished speaking, the students began to employ their unique methods of gathering information without getting caught. Ibiki watched them closely, his eyes sharp and discerning.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan, his eyes spinning with power. He pretended to be deep in thought, but in reality, he was copying the movements of another student's hand as they wrote the answers. 'This is easy,' he thought, a smirk forming on his lips. 'I can see every movement perfectly.'

Neji, with his Byakugan activated, was observing the answers from the smartest students in the room. He could see through the papers and walls, his vision extending far beyond the confines of his seat. 'These questions are a joke,' he mused, his expression remaining stoic as he wrote down the correct responses.

Lee, lacking such bloodline abilities, relied on Tenten. She expertly threw small mirrors that landed in precise positions, allowing Lee to see the reflections of answers from students ahead of him. Tenten subtly signaled Lee if any observers were watching too closely. "Thanks, Tenten," Lee whispered, his hand moving swiftly to write the answers. "You're the best."

Ino utilized her Mind Transfer Jutsu, her consciousness briefly entering the minds of other students. "Got it," she murmured, her body snapping back to life as she wrote down the answers she had gleaned. Choji, meanwhile, munched on his snacks, appearing oblivious. "Good job, Ino," he said between bites. "I knew we could count on you."

Gaara manipulated grains of sand to float across the room, subtly revealing answers on various students' papers. His siblings, Kankuro and Temari, used their own unique methods to gather information without drawing attention. "This is too easy," Kankuro muttered under his breath, his fingers deftly moving his puppets. "They don't stand a chance."

Sakura, Shikamaru and Kabuto were the only one who were able to write down all the answers without cheating.

Naruto, although appearing unfazed, was trembling with frustration internally. 'Bitch, help me out here,' she pleaded in her mind. 'I need to pass this exam.'

-Answer to the question number 1: When a metal ball imbued with wind chakra falls from 6 th—

Just as Bitch began to relay the answers, Naruto abruptly told her to stop. 'This is an exam. I won't cheat,' she whispered, her resolve firm. But Bitch tried to argue.

-The exam is all about cheating.

'I don't care,' Naruto insisted, shaking her head. 'I'm doing this on my own.'

Seeing Naruto not writing anything, Hinata, sitting beside her, leaned over and whispered, "D-do you want to look at my p-paper and write the a-answers?"

Naruto narrowed her eyes, thinking Hinata was trying to sabotage her by giving false answers. "I won't fall for such a trick," she replied curtly. "Mind your own…eh… stuff. Dattebayo."

Hinata looked heartbroken, retreating back into her seat. 'I just wanted to help,' she thought, her eyes downcast.

Ibiki, noticing Naruto staring blankly at her paper, approached her. "Why don't you write?" he tried to intimidate her. "Why don't you just give up and—"

Naruto tilted her head, her eyes determined. "I will...uh... pass this exam. Dattebayo."

Meanwhile, quite a few students were caught and expelled from the exam by the observing chunin. The room gradually emptied as nervous candidates were escorted out, their dreams of advancement dashed.

Naruto was desperately trying to come up with answers but failed to write a single word. The pressure mounted as the minutes ticked by.

Finally, the time was up. "Stop writing," Ibiki commanded. He then addressed the room, "Now, it's time for the tenth question. But first, if you don't believe you can answer it, you should leave now. If you stay and cannot answer correctly, you will remain a genin for the rest of your life."

A wave of uncertainty washed over the room. One by one, students began to stand and exit, not willing to risk their futures.

Sakura and Sasuke exchanged worried glances. They knew Naruto's strengths and weaknesses, and academics certainly fell into the latter category.

'Loser,' Sasuke clenched his fists. 'Now what?'

'Oh, Naruto…' Sakura was on the verge of raising her hand to give up, not wanting Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage to be crushed.

But then, they saw Naruto stand up. Everyone turned to look at her, and the examiner asked, "Do you want to give up?"

"Negative," she replied emotionlessly.

"Then?" Ibiki frowned, releasing a bit of killing intent. "Are you that confident that you can understand the question?"

Naruto's eyes pierced through the tension, her voice bold and unwavering. "I will become the Hokage no matter what happens, even if I have to stay a genin my entire life." She declared, striking a cool pose after standing on the table. "Dattebayo."

Her declaration sent a ripple through the remaining students. Inspired by her determination, many decided to stay.

Ibiki was highly impressed. "Congratulations," he said, "you all pass. You have the courage to face the unknown, and that's the real test."

The room erupted in a mix of relief and disbelief as Ibiki explained the true purpose of the exam.

Naruto looked at her fellow competitors. "I was already aware of the true purpose of the test."

Her teammates sighed while other students did not say anything, still traumatized about her earlier act.

Suddenly, the windows of the classroom shattered, and someone entered with a banner that was immediately pinned to the board on the wall. The banner read: The Sexy and Cool Anko Mitarashi.

Anko grinned at them. "Alright, maggots, this is no time to celebrate! I am your proctor for the second phase of the Chunin Exams." She glanced around the room before turning to Ibiki. "Wow, you must be getting soft, Ibiki. Twenty-four teams? I thought there would be much fewer."

Ibiki looked at Naruto, who puffed out her chest and struck a 'cool' pose. He smirked. "We have quite some unique ones this year."

Anko smirked back. "When I'm done with these brats, there will be less than half remaining." She then yelled, "Meet me at the Forest of Death's north gate in five minutes!"

The students quickly gathered their belongings, their minds already racing with the challenges ahead. The first phase was over, but the true trials were just beginning.

TBC

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Enter The Tower

Team Seven and Karin were mere steps away from entering the tower, their final destination after the grueling trek through the Forest of Death. The towering structure loomed before them, promising respite and the next stage of the Chunin Exams. But just as they thought they could relax, their path was blocked by a wave of Rain Ninja, their numbers almost absurdly overwhelming.

These weren't just any ordinary shinobi. The Rain Ninja were decked out in their usual ominous gear—heavy cloaks and strange, mask-like helmets that made them look like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. They appeared out of nowhere, like mushrooms after a rainstorm, multiplying at an alarming rate. There were so many of them that it seemed like the very air was filled with their presence, each one more menacing than the last. They moved with a fluid grace, their eyes sharp and focused, ready to take down their prey.

Sasuke, ever the stoic, narrowed his eyes, his Sharingan already activated and analyzing the enemy's movements. He was calm on the outside, but even he had to admit that this was a lot of ninja to deal with. Sakura, bless her heart, tried to steady her nerves, but she was visibly shaken by the sheer number of opponents. Her hands trembled slightly as she gripped her kunai, readying herself for a fight she wasn't sure they could win.

Karin, on the other hand, was not handling it well. She was practically vibrating with anxiety, her usual bravado all but evaporated in the face of such overwhelming odds. Her eyes darted around frantically, searching for some way out of this mess, but all she saw was a sea of enemies.

Naruto, however, remained utterly unfazed. Her glowing sapphire eyes blinked once, twice, taking in the situation with the cool detachment of a machine. If her stoic face showed any emotion at all, it was mild confusion—perhaps a touch of boredom. This wasn't what she'd expected when she envisioned herself as Hokage, that's for sure.

She tilted her head slightly, mentally reaching out to her ever-present digital assistant. 'Bitch,' Naruto thought, her voice in her mind as calm and robotic as ever. 'What should we do?'

-Use a lightning jutsu. Granting temporary access to the Lightning Jutsu Playlist.

Naruto's eyes, as devoid of emotion as ever, lit up with a faint spark of interest. The mental interface flickered into view, offering her a smorgasbord of lightning jutsus to choose from. Her finger hovered over the options, skipping past the A-rank techniques—those were for amateurs. No, if she was going to do this, she was going to do it in style.

'As the future Hokage, I should always go for the best,' she thought, her choice landing on the most powerful jutsu in the playlist. An S-rank technique, the kind of move that makes your hair stand on end—literally.

"Dattebayo," she declared, her voice as flat as ever, but with a strange sort of robotic enthusiasm as she prepared to unleash her chosen attack.

The Rain Ninja, sensing the change in the atmosphere, hesitated. The air around Naruto began to buzz with electricity, the ground beneath her feet humming with anticipation. Dark clouds gathered overhead, swirling ominously as if drawn to the immense power she was channeling. Sparks began to crackle around her, dancing along the edges of her frilly black dress and long gloves, giving her an almost ethereal glow.

"Shiki," she said, her voice like she was introducing a person, as a massive bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens. It was as if the very sky had split open to unleash the wrath of the gods. The bolt took the form of a colossal Bird, its scales made of pure lightning, as it roared down toward the ground with terrifying speed.

The Rain Ninja didn't even have time to react. The hawk slammed into the earth with a deafening explosion, sending shockwaves rippling through the forest. Trees were uprooted, the ground shattered, and the air was filled with the acrid smell of ozone. The Rain Ninja were thrown in every direction, their bodies limp and lifeless as they were caught in the blast. Some were charred beyond recognition, others simply passed out from the sheer force of the attack.

As the dust settled, Naruto stood in the midst of the devastation, looking as pristine as ever. Her white hair fluttered slightly in the residual breeze, her attire completely unscathed. She turned on her heel, striking a dramatic pose with one hand on her hip and the other raised in a stiff, triumphant salute. Her sapphire eyes scanned the battlefield, a small— barely visible, satisfied smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

But then she noticed something odd. The silence was… unsettling. She turned to her comrades, expecting cheers or at least a round of applause for her heroic display.

Instead, she found them all…sleeping.

Sasuke was leaning against a tree, his usually impeccable hair now standing straight up as if he'd been struck by lightning — which, to be fair, he had been. His face was frozen in a comical expression of shock, his eyes wide and unfocused. Sakura had collapsed in a heap on the ground, her pink hair sticking out at odd angles like a bad attempt at a punk rock style. Karin was sprawled out nearby, her red hair puffed up like she'd just stuck a fork in an electrical socket. They all looked like they'd been dragged through a wind tunnel and then dunked in water for good measure.

"They fell asleep?" Naruto's voice was flat, but there was a clear note of irritation. "They missed my cool action scene. And what's with their hair? Instead of fighting, they were changing hairstyles? Talk about slacking off."

She sighed, her shoulders drooping slightly as she realized that her epic moment had gone completely unappreciated. With a resigned shrug, she created three shadow clones, each one looking as unimpressed as the original. "Alright, you guys," she said, her tone almost bored, "carry these tasteless people to the tower."

The clones dutifully picked up the unconscious trio, slinging them over their shoulders with minimal effort. Naruto led the way, her high heels clicking against the ground with each step, the sound oddly loud in the now-quiet forest. As she walked, she continued to grumble under her breath about ungrateful teammates who didn't know how to appreciate good action sequences.

"Honestly," she muttered, her voice tinged with robotic frustration, "if this is what it's like to be Hokage, they can keep the job. Dattebayo."

Ū—Ū

Arriving at the tower, Naruto didn't bother with any grand entrances or dramatic poses. She simply strode in with her white hair swaying gently behind her, her frilly black dress rustling quietly as her high heels clicked against the stone floor. The three shadow clones carrying her unconscious teammates followed dutifully, looking about as enthusiastic as one might expect from clones.

Once inside, she unceremoniously dropped the trio on the nearest bench and plopped herself down across from them, crossing her legs and folding her gloved hands in her lap. Her glowing sapphire eyes scanned the room, her expression as stoic and robotic as ever, waiting patiently for her teammates to wake up.

It didn't take long for them to stir. Sakura was the first to groggily open her eyes, rubbing her head and wincing as if she had the world's worst hangover. Sasuke followed shortly after, blinking blearily as he took in his surroundings. Karin, still a little frazzled from the events in the forest, groaned as she sat up, her red hair still frizzed up in odd angles like a porcupine.

As soon as Sakura realized where she was, her eyes zeroed in on Naruto with the precision of a hawk spotting its prey. "Naruto!" she snapped, her voice carrying that distinct tone that mothers use when their children have done something reckless. "What the heck were you thinking, using a jutsu like that? You could've fried us all! There are safety protocols for a reason, you know!"

Naruto blinked at her, her expression unchanging. "It was an effective jutsu," she replied flatly. "Dattebayo."

"Effective?!" Sakura's voice went up an octave. "You nearly turned us into crispy critters! Do you have any idea what could've happened if that lightning had hit us directly? Jutsu safety is not something to be taken lightly, Naruto! There's a reason they make us study all those boring textbooks on chakra control and jutsu management. Do you even remember the chapter on lightning chakra manipulation? Do you?!"

Naruto's response was a noncommittal blink. She tilted her head slightly, as if the information was being processed in the background. "Chapter seven, section four," she droned, as if reciting it from memory. "Lightning chakra requires precision and control to avoid collateral damage. Dattebayo."

Sakura threw her hands up in exasperation. "Then why didn't you follow it?!"

"It was unnecessary," Naruto replied with the same robotic tone. "The enemies were neutralized. Mission accomplished."

Sasuke, who had been silently fuming, couldn't hold it in anymore. "You're always doing everything, Naruto," he grumbled, crossing his arms. "I didn't even get to do anything this time. It's like you're hogging all the action."

Naruto blinked again, her sapphire eyes reflecting his frustration with all the empathy of a brick wall. "You were unconscious," she stated matter-of-factly. "Dattebayo."

Sasuke's eye twitched. "That's not the point!"

Karin, who was still recovering from the shock, was too busy trying to smooth down her hair to add much to the conversation. But when she finally got it under some semblance of control, she couldn't help but throw in her two cents. "Naruto, your jutsus are… how should I put this… overkill?" she said, her voice shaky as she fiddled with her now somewhat flattened bangs.

"Efficiency is key," Naruto said, still as calm as ever. "Dattebayo."

Before the argument could escalate any further, Sakura decided it was time to move on to something productive. "Okay, okay, let's just focus on what we're supposed to do now," she sighed, pulling out the scrolls they had collected. "Naruto, let's open these together."

Naruto wordlessly joined Sakura, the two of them unfolding the scrolls with precision. The moment the scrolls were opened, there was a puff of smoke, and out of it stepped Iruka, their former academy teacher. His warm smile and familiar face were a welcome sight after the chaos of the forest.

"Congratulations, Team Seven!" Iruka beamed at them, his voice filled with pride. "You've successfully made it through the second stage of the Chunin Exams. I'm really proud of all of you."

Sakura smiled back, clearly relieved to see Iruka-sensei. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei. It was a tough one."

Iruka nodded, then glanced at Sasuke, who was still sulking, and Naruto, who looked as unruffled as ever. "You guys did great out there. But for now, you should all rest. The final part of the exam will be held at the arena at 4 PM. Make sure you're ready."

Naruto stared at Iruka with her usual blank expression. "Understood."

Iruka's eyes then fell on Karin, who was still looking a bit worse for wear. "And who's this?" he asked, his tone friendly but curious.

Naruto's reply was instantaneous and monotone. "She is my cousin. Karin Uzumaki."

Iruka blinked, caught off guard. "Your cousin? I didn't know you had a cousin."

"It is new information," Naruto said, as if she had just been informed of it herself. "Please take her to my apartment."

Iruka raised an eyebrow. "Why? What about her team?"

"They are all dead," Karin said.

"Oh, I am sorry—"

"There's another thing, Iruka-sensei." Naruto interuptted.

"Oh?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed slightly, in what could almost be interpreted as suspicion. "She cannot be trusted with my instant ramen collection."

Karin's eyes widened, and she held up her hands defensively. "Wait, what?! I wasn't planning on eating your ramen!"

Naruto's gaze remained locked on Karin, her expression unreadable. "If you touch it, there will be severe consequences. Dattebayo."

Iruka chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "Alright, alright. I'll take her to your place, Naruto. Don't worry."

"See that you do," Naruto replied, her tone still robotic but with a hint of something that could almost be called protectiveness. "My ramen must remain untouched."

With that, Iruka led a rather confused and slightly intimidated Karin out of the tower, leaving Naruto to stare after them with an unwavering gaze. Sasuke and Sakura exchanged glances, not entirely sure what to make of the whole situation.

As the door closed behind Iruka and Karin, Naruto finally relaxed her posture, or at least as much as a robot could. She turned to her remaining teammates, her expression still as flat as ever. "Now we wait."

Sasuke sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You're something else, Naruto."

"Affirmative," Naruto replied, not a hint of pride or humility in her voice. Just the simple acknowledgment of a fact.

Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. "At least it won't be boring with you around, Naruto."

Naruto blinked slowly, her sapphire eyes reflecting nothing but the ceiling lights. "Entertainment is subjective. Dattebayo."

And with that, they settled in to wait, wondering just what the next stage of the Chunin Exams would bring—assuming Naruto didn't accidentally electrocute them all before then.

TBC

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

An Android Meets A Pervert

The sun was hanging lazily in the sky, casting long shadows across the park where Naruto sat perched on a bench, her legs crossed in a decidedly unladylike manner. Her neck-length white hair, shimmering under the sunlight, swayed slightly in the gentle breeze. She was dressed in an outfit that looked like it came straight out of a gothic fashion catalog—a frilly black dress paired with long black gloves that reached up to her elbows, and black high heels that clicked ominously against the wooden bench whenever she shifted her feet. Her glowing sapphire eyes were focused on absolutely nothing, just staring blankly into the distance as if she were contemplating the meaning of life. Or maybe she was just really, really bored.

Naruto's body, made of sturdy wood and gears—because, why not?—was stiff, her robotic joints occasionally emitting a soft creak. Despite her unconventional appearance, Naruto wasn't concerned with standing out. In fact, she didn't even seem to notice how peculiar she looked. She was too busy waiting for her new tutor, whom Kakashi had promised would help her prepare for her upcoming match against Gaara. And when Naruto had asked for more details, Kakashi had just waved her off, saying something about the guy being "very experienced" and "totally reliable." Typical Kakashi, she thought, always vague and mysterious.

"Why not teach me yourself?" She had asked. "I understand that you are not a great shinobi, but…" Naruto had actually said this. "Please, I am nothing without 2B…"

He had ruffled her hair. "You are more than just a…uh, 2B. You are Naruto Uzumaki, the Future Hokage. As for your question, I need to teach Sasuke a new jutsu and some Sharingan tricks."

"Okay?"

"I'll arrange you a good tutor, he is very reliable."

As she waited, something caught her attention from behind. She didn't bother to turn around right away, instead tilting her head ever so slightly to the right, her expression as blank as ever. She finally turned and saw… a rock. Well, a very odd, rectangular-shaped rock with two perfectly round holes in it, as if it were trying—and failing miserably—to blend in with its surroundings.

Naruto blinked, her brain trying to process the logic behind this unusual rock. "Interesting," she muttered to herself in that strange monotone voice of hers. "Such a unique stone—"

"Attack!"

Before Naruto could react, the rock erupted with a loud 'pop', sending purple smoke billowing into the air. It engulfed her instantly, shrouding everything in a thick, acrid haze. Naruto's body stood rigid in the midst of the chaos, her face as expressionless as ever, though her mind was racing—well, as much as a mind like her could could race.

Out of the smoky cloud leapt three small figures, their silhouettes barely visible through the haze. It was none other than the infamous Konohamaru Corps, each of them wielding what appeared to be… random household objects? Konohamaru, brandishing a broomstick like it was a legendary sword, charged at Naruto with all the might of a small child on a sugar high. Moegi, armed with a wooden spoon, swung it with surprising determination, while Udon, struggling to keep his oversized glasses on his nose, waved a roll of toilet paper in a rather non-threatening manner.

"That's what you get for being my enemy!" Konohamaru declared triumphantly as he brought the broomstick down, smashing it against what he thought was Naruto's face. The purple smoke cleared just in time for him to see the aftermath of their "vicious" attack.

But instead of Naruto lying defeated on the ground, there was Ebisu-sensei—Konohamaru's unfortunate tutor. He was sprawled out flat on his back, unconscious, his glasses hanging off one ear, and his once neatly pressed outfit now in complete disarray. His eyes were wide open but completely unfocused, staring up at the sky with the kind of expression one has after a really, really bad day.

"Ebisu-sensei!" Konohamaru gasped, dropping the broomstick in shock. Udon took a cautious step back, his face paling as he wiped his perpetually runny nose. Meanwhile, Moegi poked Ebisu's unmoving body with her spoon, her head tilted in curiosity.

"He's not moving," she noted matter-of-factly, giving Ebisu another prod for good measure. "Did we kill him?"

"I hope not," Udon mumbled, his voice quivering as he adjusted his glasses. "I don't want to go to jail…"

Konohamaru's eyes widened in horror as the realization of what they had done—or thought they had done—hit him. "That woman!" he fumed, pointing an accusing finger at the empty space where he assumed Naruto had been. "She made us kill—"

Before he could finish his sentence, a voice spoke up from directly behind him, causing all three of them to jump out of their skins. "You just killed my new teacher," Naruto stated, her tone flat and robotic, as if she were merely commenting on the weather. She was standing there, completely unscathed, her arms crossed over her chest and her expression. "What should I do now? He was supposed to teach me some stuff."

Konohamaru whipped around, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Wha—how are you still alive?! We… we attacked you!" he spluttered, his bravado quickly dissolving into confusion.

Naruto blinked slowly, her glowing sapphire eyes narrowing just a fraction. "I substituted with the nearest person when I sensed danger," she explained in a perfectly logical, though utterly emotionless, manner. She glanced down at the unconscious Ebisu. "He was in the way, so I made him take the hit."

Konohamaru gaped at her, trying to process the absurdity of the situation. "You—what?! You used my sensei as a meat shield?!"

Naruto shrugged. "It was the most logical course of action," she replied, as if this were the most natural thing in the world. "Now he's broken. What should I do?"

Before Konohamaru could respond, Udon spoke up hesitantly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Umm… can we fight later? Maybe we should… hide the body before someone sees us?"

Naruto blinked again, her robotic mind turning over the suggestion. "Oh, let's dump it in the hot springs," she suggested with a deadpan tone, as if that were the most reasonable solution.

"What?!" Moegi gasped, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head. "We can't just—dump him—like trash!"

Naruto tilted her head again, her voice taking on an eerily logical cadence. "It's the most efficient solution," she explained, her tone as monotonous as ever. "The hot springs are nearby, and the water will—hide the evidence. Plus, it's warm, so no one will notice that It's a dead body."

Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi exchanged horrified glances, their minds racing as they tried to comprehend the sheer absurdity of the situation they had found themselves in. But before any of them could protest, Naruto was already lifting Ebisu's limp body over her shoulder with robotic ease, her wooden joints creaking as she prepared to carry him off to the hot springs.

"Let's go," Naruto commanded, her voice flat but insistent. "We don't have much time."

The three young ninjas could only stare after her in stunned silence, utterly bewildered by the events that had just unfolded. As Naruto began marching toward the hot springs with Ebisu's unconscious form in tow, they realized with a sinking feeling that they were now accomplices in… whatever this was.

And so, with a mix of dread and resignation, the Konohamaru Corps followed their new "leader," silently praying that no one would catch them in the act.

Little did they know, this was just the beginning of what would undoubtedly be one of the strangest days of their life.

o—O—O

Naruto leaped over the high wooden wall of the hot springs with a fluid grace that seemed at odds with her robotic body. Her frilly black dress fluttered slightly in the air before she landed softly on the other side. She paused, her glowing sapphire eyes scanning the area cautiously. The steam from the hot water curled lazily upwards, casting an eerie mist over the empty bathhouse. It was completely deserted, which was both a blessing and a little bit disappointing. She had hoped for a bit more excitement—perhaps a grander audience to witness her grand plan of disposing of Ebisu's unconscious form.

On the other side of the wall, the Konohamaru Corps was frantically peering through the cracks in the wooden slats, their faces pressed against the wood, watching with bated breath.

"Do it quickly, Crazy Woman!" Konohamaru hissed, his voice barely above a whisper. "We don't want anyone to see us!"

Moegi and Udon nodded furiously in agreement, their eyes wide with a mixture of anticipation and terror. The last thing they wanted was to get caught dumping a body into the hot springs. Not exactly the kind of trouble they had in mind when they woke up that morning.

Naruto glanced over her shoulder at them, her expression as blank as ever. "Alright, alright," she murmured in her robotic monotone, lifting Ebisu's limp body higher with ease, her arms creaking under the weight. She walked slowly towards the edge of the hot spring, her high heels clicking against the stone path, ready to complete her task.

But just as she was about to drop Ebisu into the steamy water, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head slightly, and her glowing eyes narrowed when she saw a white-haired man crouched suspiciously on the opposite side of the wall. His face was half-hidden by the wooden barrier, but it was obvious that he was intensely focused on something beyond it—something that had nothing to do with Ebisu's unfortunate condition.

Naruto tilted her head, her curiosity piqued. "What are you doing?" she asked in a flat tone, completely forgetting her original mission.

The man shushed her with a frantic wave of his hand, his voice a low whisper, "Quiet! I'm researching."

Naruto's head cocked to the side, confusion clear in her robotic movements. "Researching?" she repeated, her voice as lifeless as ever. "Peeping over a wall into a woman's bathhouse is research?"

The man's expression soured, and he shot her a glare over his shoulder. "It's not just peeping, you dumb robot! It's 'research'. For my novels! I'm gathering—eh…important data!"

Naruto's body straightened, her mind processing this information with mechanical precision. "So, peeping on women while they bathe is necessary… for writing novels?" she asked, her voice tinged with something that might have been skepticism, if she had any real emotions.

"Exactly!" the man snapped, clearly growing frustrated with the conversation. "You wouldn't understand the artistic struggle—the inspiration that can only come from observing these… holy treasures in their natural state!"

Naruto blinked slowly, processing his words in her robotic mind. "Holy treasures? What do you mean by—"

Before she could finish her question, a shriek of panic erupted from the other side of the wall, cutting her off.

"Who is it?!"

"Somebody is peeping on us?!"

"Get 'em!"

The Konohamaru Corps, who had been silently watching the exchange, suddenly panicked. Their eyes went wide, and without a second thought, they turned tail and ran, disappearing into the park as fast as their little legs could carry them. The last thing they wanted was to be caught in the middle of a scandal like this.

The white-haired man's face turned pale as a sheet as he realized the women inside the bathhouse were now fully aware of his presence. He quickly abandoned his post, ducking behind a nearby tree with the kind of speed that only comes from years of experience in avoiding angry mobs.

"Please!" he whispered frantically to Naruto, his voice trembling with desperation. "Save me! I'll do anything!"

Naruto blinked again, turning slowly to face the terrified man. "Why should I?" she asked, her voice as emotionless as ever. "You were the one peeping."

"Because!" the man stammered, his back pressed against the rough bark of the tree as if it could protect him. "I'm a great Shinobi! Yes, that's right! I'm very powerful—one of the best!"

Naruto's head tilted to the side again, her mechanical mind analyzing his claim. "Are you a good ninja teacher?" she asked, her tone as flat as ever, her glowing eyes unblinking. She was desperate to get strong on her own— even if she had to learn from a creepy old guy. "Can you train me for the Chunin Exams?"

The man blinked, momentarily thrown off by the simplicity of the question. "Huh? You don't know who I am? Behold—eh… no time for introductions!" he muttered, clearly flustered. "Yes, I am a great ninja teacher! Now, please, you have to help me!"

Naruto's face remained as expressionless as ever. "Dattebayo," she muttered to herself, her robotic mind whirring as she considered his plea.

Before she could respond, the sound of approaching footsteps filled the air, accompanied by the furious murmurs of the women who had been inside the bathhouse. The white-haired man pressed himself even flatter against the tree, his eyes wide with terror.

The women emerged from behind the wooden wall, each of them clad in nothing but towels, their faces flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and fury. They spotted Naruto first, standing calmly beside the hot springs with her white hair shining brightly in the sunlight.

One of the women stepped forward, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Was somebody here, sweetie?" she asked, her voice gentle despite the situation.

Naruto blinked up at the woman with her blank, doll-like expression. "I caught a pervert," she announced simply, her tone as monotonous as ever. She pointed with one gloved hand at Ebisu's unconscious form, which was still lying limp on the ground beside her.

The women blinked in surprise, their anger momentarily replaced with confusion. They looked down at the poor, unconscious man lying there, and a collective understanding dawned on their faces. With a nod of silent agreement, they advanced on the hapless man.

Before Ebisu even knew what was happening, he was grabbed by the women and dragged unceremoniously inside the bathhouse, his protests falling on deaf ears as they prepared to administer some well-deserved punishment.

The white-haired man peeked out from behind the tree, his eyes wide with shock and relief. "Thanks, sweetie," one of the women called over her shoulder as they disappeared back inside, leaving Naruto standing alone by the hot springs.

Naruto's expression didn't change, though she nodded ever so slightly in acknowledgment. "Dattebayo," she murmured, her voice as lifeless as ever.

With the immediate danger now passed, the white-haired man straightened up, brushing off his clothes with an air of feigned dignity. "Well, that was… interesting," he muttered, clearly still rattled by the close call.

Naruto turned to face him, her blank, glowing eyes locking onto his. "You're welcome," she stated simply, her robotic voice devoid of any inflection.

The man gave her a strange look, clearly unsure of what to make of her.

"Now, as for my payment, you are going to teach me everything you know for the chunin exams."

"What?! Me—"

"Unless you want me to call the women back."

The man rubbed his eyes. "Fiiiine! What's your name anyway?"

Naruto struck a 'cool' pose, starling the man. "The Future Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki." She smirked, although it was barely visible. "Dattebayo."

The man's eyes widened in shock but he quickly regained his compusre. "I am the great Toad Sa—"

But before he could say anything else, Naruto turned and began to walk away, her high heels clicking against the stone path as she moved with the mechanical precision of a wooden doll.

"Hey?! Don't you want to know my name?"

Naruto blinked. "Oh,"

The man coughed. "Behold! I am the student of the Sandaime Hokage, mentor of the Yondaime, the great Toad Sage from Mount Myoboku, the Super Pervert Jiraiya of the Sannin!"

A moment of silence, Jiraiya blinked. 'Did she get it?'

Naruto nodded. "Pervy Sage, I'll remember that." She began to walk away. "Meet me at the training ground seven in ten minutes. Don't be late. Dattebayo."

"Wait—?! The fuck?!"

As she walked, she couldn't help but wonder what other strange things awaited her in the month leading up to her match with Gaara. One thing was for sure—it was going to be an interesting.

Meanwhile, Jiraiya was getting really confused. "So…my godson is now my…goddaughter?" He sighed. "So sensei wasn't joking. Well…" he smirked. "She isn't a bombshell and is flat as a board. But it's better to have a girl around instead of a boy. Plus, I can always use her for my research assistance and Treasure Peeping Project." He giggled lecherously.

TBC

Chapter Text

A Toad And An Android

Naruto was sprawled out on the grass at Training Ground Seven, sitting in the most unladylike way imaginable— legs crossed in a way that would make any proper etiquette teacher faint on the spot. Her glowing sapphire eyes stared blankly into the sky, and her neck-length white hair was as still as her robotic posture. She was waiting, rather impatiently, for the arrival of the man she had come to know as Pervy Sage. The parts of her body creaked slightly as she shifted, and the black frilly dress she wore rustled in the breeze, a stark contrast to the very serious mission she had in mind.

She had decided—no, 'resolved'—to learn some cool jutsus. Her recent fight with Lee had been a real eye-opener. Sure, having the Kyuubi, or as she'd affectionately named the AI in her— "Bitch," might give her an edge, but she couldn't rely on them all the time. If she was going to be Hokage, she had to do it with her own power. 'Dattebayo.' There was no other way.

Suddenly, she heard the familiar sound of someone huffing and puffing in the distance, and within moments, the legendary Toad Sage Jiraiya, more commonly known as Pervy Sage, appeared in all his disheveled glory. His long white hair flowed behind him, and his face bore the classic expression of someone who had been forced to run when they'd rather take their sweet time.

"You're three minutes late," Naruto stated flatly, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she looked up at him. Her tone was robotic and unamused, a perfect match for her wooden frame.

Jiraiya sneered, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Shut up, brat!" he retorted, sounding more like a cranky old man than a legendary ninja. "I had to run all the way—"

"Start teaching," Naruto interrupted, her annoyance barely concealed. She wasn't in the mood for excuses.

Jiraiya smirked, that mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes. "Take off your clothes," he said, the grin on his face spreading wider as if he'd just told the greatest joke in the world.

Naruto blinked, her expression as blank as a freshly wiped chalkboard. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Jiraiya replied, crossing his arms as if he'd just issued a perfectly reasonable command.

Naruto's glowing eyes narrowed, and if she had eyebrows, they would have furrowed. "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "Are you a ped—"

"Ew, gross!" Jiraiya immediately recoiled, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Look at you, you're an A cup; plus, a midget! I have standards, and you don't even come close to them."

Naruto stared at him for a long moment, processing his words with her usual robotic precision. "Then why?" she finally asked, her voice flat and devoid of any emotion.

Jiraiya let out a dramatic sigh, running a hand through his white hair as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "I want to see inside you," he said, his tone serious this time.

Naruto's eyes widened ever so slightly, and she took a deep breath before unleashing a scream that could have shattered glass. "HELP, HELP! A HENTAI—"

"'I meant your 'AI' assistant that's been troubling you!'" Jiraiya yelled, cutting her off before her scream could attract any actual attention.

"Oh," Naruto said, her voice instantly reverting to its robotic calm. She nodded once and began to take off her frilly black dress and long gloves, her movements precise and mechanical. The dress fluttered to the ground, and the gloves followed suit, revealing…

Jiraiya blinked, utterly gobsmacked by what he was seeing. "What the fuck are those?!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief.

Naruto struck what she believed to be a "cool" pose, her body creaking slightly as she did so. "My toad boxers and vest," she announced proudly. The boxers were a vibrant shade of green, with tiny orange toads hopping all over them in a chaotic pattern. The vest, meanwhile, was an equally garish orange, clashing spectacularly with the green of the boxers. If there had been an award for the world's most outrageous fashion statement, Naruto would have won it hands down.

Jiraiya stared at her for what felt like an eternity before finally shaking his head in disbelief. "I mean, why? You're a girl now. Why not wear panties or a bra?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed once more, and she stared at him with the kind of cold detachment only a wooden, robotic girl could muster. "None of your business," she stated flatly, her tone leaving no room for further discussion.

Jiraiya let out another sigh, this one heavier than the last. "Alright, let's get this over with," he muttered, sounding as if he was bracing himself for some monumental task.

"Dattebayo," Naruto responded automatically, her eyes gleaming with a faint blue light as she awaited whatever bizarre training session Pervy Sage had in store for her.

Jiraiya rubbed his temples, letting out a sigh that could only be described as the long, weary breath of a man who had seen far too much in his lifetime. "Alright, brat, I couldn't fix the issue here. The AI will likely irritate you," he said, trying to sound encouraging but failing miserably. He glanced over at Naruto, whose features seemed to droop ever so slightly, her robotic expression somehow managing to convey a mix of disheartenment and annoyance all at once. "But she won't freeze you anymore," Jiraiya added, hoping it would cheer her up even just a little bit.

"Dattebayo," Naruto nodded, though her enthusiasm was clearly lacking. Her mechanical voice echoed faintly, giving the phrase an almost eerie tone.

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, expecting at least some form of gratitude. "You know, a thank you would've been nice," he grumbled, feeling just a tad underappreciated.

Naruto, however, was not one for pleasantries when there were more pressing matters at hand. "Teach me a cool jutsu first," she demanded, still decked out in her utterly ridiculous toad-themed boxers and bright orange vest. Her sapphire eyes glowed with determination—or maybe it was just the light reflecting off her face. Either way, she wasn't about to let Jiraiya off the hook without learning something awesome.

Jiraiya sighed again, this time with the weight of a thousand disappointments. 'At least Minato respected me,' he thought bitterly. But his daughter? 'A total bitch.' "Fiiine," he relented, pulling out a massive scroll with an exaggerated flourish. "Here's the summoning scroll. Sign your name here with blood—" He paused, suddenly remembering that she wasn't exactly made of flesh and blood. "Oh, right… You're an android. I guess you can't—"

Before he could finish that thought, Naruto shocked the living daylights out of him. With an unnerving precision, she "detached" her finger, and instead of blood, a stream of ink poured out like it was the most normal thing in the world. Calmly, and with handwriting that could only be described as horrendous, she scrawled her name across the scroll: 'Naruto Uzumaki.' The letters were crooked and wobbly, the 'z' looking more like a poorly drawn 's,' but it was legible. Barely.

Jiraiya groaned, slapping a hand over his face. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, wondering how his life had come to this. A moment later, he regained his composure and looked at her with the grim determination of a man on a mission. "Now, the hand signs are—" He began demonstrating the hand signs for the summoning jutsu, moving his hands with the fluidity of someone who had done this a thousand times before.

Naruto, ever the eager student, nodded solemnly like some ancient sage who had just uncovered the secrets of the universe. Her fingers moved with surprising dexterity as she mirrored Jiraiya's movements. "Summoning Jutsu, dattebayo!" she cried out suddenly, startling Jiraiya with the sheer volume of her mechanical voice.

"Wait, what?!" Jiraiya jumped back, his heart nearly leaping out of his chest at her sudden outburst.

No sooner had the words left her mouth than a thick cloud of smoke exploded around them, engulfing the entire area in a thick, swirling mist. For a brief moment, there was nothing but silence. Then, a deep, booming voice echoed from within the smoke.

"Jiraiya! Why did you call me?!" the voice bellowed, shaking the ground beneath their feet.

'Fuck! I'm off!' Jiraiya thought to himself, his eyes wide with panic. Without another word, he turned tail and bolted, sprinting away as fast as his legs could carry him. He had no intention of sticking around to deal with whatever was about to happen.

Meanwhile, within the cloud of smoke, Naruto was sitting cross-legged in the most casual manner possible, still in her toad-themed boxers and vest, looking like a tiny, confused child who had accidentally wandered onto a battlefield. The sight of her sitting there, surrounded by all that chaos, was almost comical—if not completely absurd.

As the smoke began to clear, it revealed a massive, hulking figure beneath her. Naruto blinked, her sapphire eyes glowing as she took in the sight of the creature she had just summoned.

"A frog?" she muttered to herself, tilting her head in confusion. "It can talk too," she added, as if the idea of a talking frog was only mildly surprising to her at this point.

"Who the hell are you now?" the giant toad grumbled, its deep voice reverberating through the air. The creature's massive eyes glared up at Naruto with a mixture of irritation and bewilderment, as if it couldn't quite believe what it was seeing.

Naruto, never one to miss an opportunity to strike a dramatic pose, leaped to her feet. Standing atop the giant toad's head, she thrust one arm into the air and declared with as much grandeur as she could muster, "Behold! I am your new summoner, the future Hokage—Naruto Uzumaki. 'Dattebayo!'" Her limbs creaked slightly as she struck the pose, making it both awkward and endearing at the same time.

The toad, who Naruto would later learn was none other than Gamabunta, the Chief Toad, narrowed his eyes. "The Hokage, eh?" he mused, his tone skeptical.

"Yes," Naruto nodded confidently, completely missing the sarcasm in his voice. "From now onwards, you are my subordinate."

"Huh?!" Gamabunta's eyes widened in disbelief. His anger began to bubble up, his large body trembling with irritation. "Oh yeah? I'll show you where you belong! If you can stay on my head until sunset, you'll be my master. If not, you will pay me a whole pond of sake!"

Naruto, never one to back down from a challenge, smirked slightly. "Bring it on, Giant Old Frog."

"I am a TOAD!" Gamabunta roared, his voice shaking the trees around them.

"Whatever," Naruto shrugged nonchalantly, as if arguing about amphibian species was the least of her concerns. The absurdity of the situation hung in the air, but to Naruto, it was just another step on her path to becoming Hokage. 'Dattebayo!'

Twelve hours later, the moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow over Konoha. Midnight had come and gone, but Gamabunta, the mighty Toad Boss, was not feeling so mighty. His colossal frame lay sprawled across the training ground, his chest heaving as he desperately tried to catch his breath. He had been hopping around like a madman for hours, trying to shake off the small, white-haired girl perched on his head. But no matter how much he jumped, twisted, or turned, the girl remained firmly in place—completely unbothered, like a stubborn piece of chewing gum stuck to a shoe.

Gamabunta's mind raced as he gasped for air. 'Minato's brat…?' he thought, wheezing as he tried to make sense of the situation. He was certain Minato had fathered a boy, so who was this girl with chakra eerily similar to his? Was he going senile? Or was this some kind of cosmic joke that he wasn't in on? One thing was for sure—this girl was no ordinary shinobi. She was a monster, a terrifying, ramen-obsessed monster.

Naruto, sitting cross-legged atop Gamabunta's massive head, was blissfully unaware of the toad's internal turmoil. She was too engrossed in her book titled, "Cooking Ramen of Every Taste!"—a true masterpiece in her opinion. As the toad struggled beneath her, Naruto hummed a little tune, flipping a page with robotic precision. Her chakra control was so flawless that she didn't even need to think about it. She had placed chakra on her butt to keep her balanced on Gamabunta's head, and that was that.

Finally, Gamabunta could take no more. His lungs felt like they were about to explode, and his pride was in tatters. "I…I give up…" he panted, his voice hoarse from the effort. "You…win…"

Naruto, hearing the toad's surrender, slowly closed her book with a snap that echoed ominously in the night air. She raised one eyebrow—a robotic movement that looked more like a mechanical malfunction than a sign of amusement—and then smirked. It wasn't a regular smirk either; it was the kind of smirk that would make you question your life choices if you were on the receiving end of it. It was sagely, yet unsettlingly doll-like, as if someone had programmed it into her.

"So, you are my subordinate now?" Naruto's voice was calm, but there was a strange mechanical edge to it, like a voice that had been recorded and played back through a slightly broken speaker.

Gamabunta, who was just about done with this nonsense, gritted his teeth. In his mind, he was already plotting what he'd do to Jiraiya the next time he saw him. 'I'll eat you alive, you pervy idiot!' he thought furiously. But his pride wouldn't let him back down entirely. "Yeah, sure…" he muttered, his tone dripping with reluctant acceptance.

Naruto, completely oblivious to the toad's inner rage, gave a satisfied nod. "Dattebayo," she declared, as if that explained everything. Without another word, she leaped down from Gamabunta's head, landing gracefully next to a tree where her frilly black dress had been neatly draped over a branch. She slipped back into her outfit, pulling on the dress with the precision of a machine and adjusting her long gloves until they were snug. Then came the high heels—click, click, click—each shoe snapping into place with military efficiency.

"You may go now," Naruto announced with the authority of a queen dismissing her servant. Gamabunta didn't need to be told twice. With a final puff of smoke, the massive toad vanished, no doubt muttering curses about Jiraiya under his breath.

For a moment, Naruto stood there, her glowing sapphire eyes reflecting the pale moonlight. She blinked slowly, her mind finally shifting from toad-related thoughts to something far more pressing. Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror as a thought struck her like a lightning bolt. "Oh shoot, my ramen collection…!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with robotic panic.

In an instant, the gravity of the situation hit her. 'Karin'—that sneaky, redheaded menace—was alone in Naruto's apartment. Naruto had left her precious ramen collection completely unguarded! What if Karin found it? What if she ate some of it? Or—Naruto's wooden body shuddered at the thought—what if Karin ate all of it?!

"This girl shall know pain," Naruto stated, her tone deadpan, but there was an undeniable sense of impending doom in her words. Without wasting another second, she bolted toward her apartment, her heels clicking furiously against the cobblestones. The night was silent, save for the rapid clacking of her heels and the occasional clattering of her wooden joints as she dashed through the village.

As she dashed through the quiet streets, the villagers who were still awake at this ungodly hour could only blink in confusion as a flash of black lace and high heels zipped past them. Naruto was on a mission, and nothing—nothing—was going to stand between her and her precious ramen. The stakes were higher than any battle she had ever faced; after all, who knew what horrors Karin could unleash upon her prized collection if left unsupervised? Naruto's mind raced as fast as her legs. Karin... that sneaky, ramen-thieving fiend! Naruto could already imagine the redhead rifling through her stash, greedily slurping down noodles as if they were going out of style. And what if she found the limited edition miso ramen? Or worse, the ultra-rare, never-to-be-released-again, seafood ramen that Naruto had been saving for a special occasion? The thought alone was enough to make her wood creak in horror.

Konoha had seen many things—wars, demons and much more

—but it had never seen anything quite like Naruto Uzumaki on a ramen-fueled rampage. As she sprinted through the village, villagers who were still awake at this ungodly hour could only watch in bewilderment as a flash of frilly black fabric, white hair, and high heels zoomed past them. Some rubbed their eyes, convinced that they were dreaming, while others decided that maybe it was time to lay off the sake.

Naruto's mission was clear: save the ramen, at all costs. And if Karin had dared to touch even a single noodle, there would be no mercy. The redhead was about to learn a hard lesson—a lesson in what happens when you mess with an android girl's ramen.

Naruto kicked the door open with the force of a hurricane, her high heels clacking dramatically against the floor as she struck a pose in the doorway. Her glowing sapphire eyes scanned the room with laser-like intensity. "On your feet, thief!" she bellowed, her voice echoing off the walls like the battle cry of a righteous warrior ready to vanquish evil.

But instead of a dastardly ramen thief caught red-handed, Naruto was greeted by an entirely different scene—one she wasn't prepared for. On the bed, tangled up in the sheets, was Karin. The redhead was wearing her pajamas, which consisted of an oversized T-shirt with a very suspicious ramen stain on it. But that wasn't the shocking part. No, the shocking part was Karin, who was wrapped around a pillow like it was her long-lost lover, rubbing her face against it in a way that was less than innocent.

"Thief?! Where?!" Karin jolted awake, her voice a mix of confusion and panic as she sat up, clutching the pillow to her chest. Her eyes were wide, her glasses askew, and her hair was a wild mess of red. She looked around the room frantically, as if expecting a band of rogue ninjas to burst in and ransack the place.

Naruto blinked. Once. Twice. Her glowing eyes dimmed momentarily as her brain tried to process what she was seeing. 'So… she wasn't eating my ramen…' Naruto thought, her shoulders visibly relaxing.

But now she was stuck in an awkward situation, having just accused Karin of a crime she didn't commit. 'Think, Naruto, think!' she panicked internally, her robotic mind whirring as it tried to come up with an excuse that wouldn't make this even weirder than it already was.

Finally, inspiration struck, and Naruto straightened up, adopting a heroic stance with one hand on her hip and the other pointed dramatically at the ceiling. "Uh…no need to fear, citizen!" she declared, her voice overly loud and filled with a confidence that she absolutely did not feel. "I am here, Dattebayo!"

Karin squinted at her, clearly trying to make sense of the situation but still too sleepy and disoriented to ask questions.

Naruto, sensing the confusion, nodded sagely. "Yes, yes, it's all under control. The, uh…thief I mentioned was just a…a 'phantom thief'!" she announced, as if she had just discovered a great mystery. "Yes, a phantom thief that lurks in the shadows of dreams, stealing…er…sleep from innocent shinobi!"

Karin blinked, clearly trying to keep up. "A…phantom thief? In my dreams?"

"Exactly!" Naruto continued, rolling with the nonsense now that she'd committed to it. "But worry not! I have, uh, neutralized the threat! No sleep shall be stolen on my watch, dattebayo!"

Karin scratched her head, still not fully awake and not entirely convinced but too tired to care. "Uh…okay?" she said, her voice trailing off as she tried to wrap her mind around what just happened.

Naruto, desperate to escape this increasingly bizarre situation, gave a curt nod. "I'll take care of everything. You, uh, just go back to sleep and…enjoy your dreams. Yes, that's right! Sweet, uninterrupted dreams, courtesy of me, Naruto Uzumaki!"

With that, and before Karin could ask any follow-up questions, Naruto turned on her heel and dashed toward the window. In one swift, overly dramatic motion, she threw it open and leaped out into the night, disappearing as quickly as she had arrived.

Karin sat there for a moment, still clutching her pillow and staring at the open window with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. She scratched the back of her head, trying to piece together what had just happened. "Phantom thief…?" she murmured to herself, shrugging after a few seconds. Whatever it was, she figured it wasn't worth losing sleep over.

She let out a yawn and stretched, feeling the remnants of sleep pulling her back into her bed. "Well, whatever," she mumbled to herself, lying back down and curling up with her pillow again. A sly grin crept onto her face as she closed her eyes, remembering the dream she had been having before the strange interruption. "Hehe…right where I left off…"

And just like that, Karin drifted back into sleep, blissfully unaware that she had just been part of one of the weirdest—and funniest—non-confrontations in the history of Konoha. Meanwhile, outside the window, Naruto was already halfway across the village, her heart pounding in her wooden chest as she tried to convince herself that she had totally handled that situation like a pro.

TBC

Chapter Text

An Android Makes A Rasengan

The next day dawned bright and early, with the sun shining cheerily down on Konoha, its rays completely oblivious to the absolute chaos that was about to ensue. Somewhere amidst the morning hustle and bustle, Naruto, with her gleaming sapphire eyes and neck-length white hair that seemed to glow in the daylight, was on a mission. Clad in her signature frilly black dress that looked like it belonged more at a gothic tea party than on a battlefield, long black gloves that hugged her arms, and impossibly high black heels that somehow didn't stop her from running faster than any shinobi, Naruto was determined. She needed to find Pervy Sage, a.k.a Jiraiya, and squeeze out another jutsu from him—something cool, something badass, something that would make her future Hokage status undeniable.

Her quest had her marching through the village, each step echoing with a robotic precision that was somehow both creepy and captivating. Passersby couldn't help but glance at her, their thoughts torn between admiring her unique style and wondering if she was some kind of life-sized, creepy doll come to life.

But Naruto had no time for their stares; she was on a mission. With the Summoning Jutsu mastered, she was itching for more. Something that screamed "power" and "coolness." Something that would make her enemies tremble in fear…or at least raise an eyebrow in mild concern.

And who better to teach her than the very man who had reluctantly shown her the Summoning Jutsu?

"Now where could that perverted old man be?" Naruto wondered aloud, her voice monotone yet oddly whimsical as she scanned her surroundings. Her eyes narrowed as a thought crossed her mind. "He's probably where all pervs go…"

With a mechanical turn of her head, she zeroed in on her destination—the village bathhouse. Of course. Where else would the great Toad Sage be, if not indulging in his favorite pastime: peeping on women? Naruto's creepy grin stretched wide across her face, as she set off with her wooden legs moving like a well-oiled machine, each heel click echoing ominously.

Sure enough, as Naruto approached the bathhouse, she spotted the all-too-familiar sight of a man with wild white hair, crouched behind a wooden fence, his face plastered against a suspiciously well-placed peephole. Jiraiya was so engrossed in his, ahem, "research" that he didn't notice Naruto sneaking up behind him, her frilly dress swishing with each step.

Naruto tilted her head to the side, her glowing eyes narrowing as she assessed the situation. 'How utterly predictable,' she thought, before clearing her throat loudly, the sound cutting through the air like a blade.

"Teach me something," she demanded, her voice as flat and robotic as ever.

Jiraiya's whole body jerked in surprise, his face flushing a deep crimson. He whipped around, his eyes wide as saucers. "C-Can't ya see I'm busy?!" he hissed, trying to shoo her away like an annoying fly. "This is a delicate operation! I'm in the middle of serious research here!"

Naruto stared at him, unblinking, her expression eerily calm. Then, slowly, very slowly, her lips curled into that creepy, doll-like grin again. Without breaking eye contact, she raised one gloved hand, cupped it around her mouth, and shouted in a voice that was much louder than necessary:

"HELP! HELP! A PERVERT! DATTEBAYO!"

The words echoed through the bathhouse like a bomb going off. For a split second, there was nothing but stunned silence. And then all hell broke loose.

Shrieks and screams erupted from within the bathhouse as dozens of women, wrapped in towels and wielding shampoo bottles like deadly weapons, burst through the doors like an army of angry kunoichi. They spotted Jiraiya in an instant—his horrified face plastered with guilt—and charged at him with the fury of a thousand betrayed hearts.

"What?! No, no, it's not what it looks like!" Jiraiya stammered, backing away in sheer terror. But it was too late. The women were on him like a pack of wolves, their hands and bath supplies flying at him from all directions.

Naruto watched the chaos unfold with an odd sense of satisfaction. Jiraiya's cries for mercy rang out as the angry women chased him around the bathhouse, towels flapping in the wind, bath slippers flying through the air like shuriken.

"This is what happens when you don't listen," Naruto commented to herself, nodding sagely. She then turned on her heel, her high heels clacking ominously, and strolled off towards the woods, knowing full well that Jiraiya would be following her soon enough—if he survived, that is.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of chasing, dodging, and narrowly escaping a particularly vicious shampoo bottle to the head, Jiraiya managed to break free from the bathhouse mob. He tore through the streets, his robes flapping wildly as he fled towards the safety of the forest. His heart pounded in his chest, and his lungs burned from the exertion. "That brat is gonna pay for this!" he muttered under his breath, glancing over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed by any more angry women.

He didn't see Naruto at first, but he knew she was somewhere nearby. The woods were thick with trees, perfect for hiding, but also perfect for stalking. Jiraiya slowed his pace, moving cautiously as he peered around each trunk. "Naruto…come out, come out, wherever you are…" he called out in a singsong voice, trying to sound casual despite the beads of sweat dripping down his forehead.

Suddenly, there was a rustling sound behind him. Jiraiya spun around, his senses on high alert, but there was nothing there. He squinted, his eyes darting from side to side. "Where the hell did that creepy doll go?"

A twig snapped to his left, and Jiraiya's heart leapt into his throat. He spun around again, only to see…nothing. The forest was playing tricks on him. Or maybe Naruto was playing tricks on him. "This isn't funny, kid!" he growled, his nerves fraying with each passing second.

Just as he was about to give up and make a run for it, Naruto's voice echoed eerily from somewhere above him. "Looking for me, Pervy Sage?"

Jiraiya looked up, just in time to see Naruto hanging upside down from a tree branch, her frilly dress defying gravity as she 'grinned' down at him like a creepy, robotic bat. "Boo," she whispered, her sapphire eyes glowing ominously.

Jiraiya yelped, stumbling backwards as he tried to scramble away, but Naruto was too quick. With a swift, mechanical movement, she dropped down from the tree and landed right in front of him, blocking his escape. "Teach. Me. Something. Cool," she demanded, each word punctuated with the robotic precision of a machine that would not be denied.

Jiraiya, realizing he was cornered and out of options, held up his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright! I'll teach you a cool jutsu! Just stop scaring the crap out of me, will ya?!"

Naruto tilted her head, her creepy grin widening. "Good answer, Pervy Sage. Dattebayo."

And with that, Jiraiya knew he was stuck—whether he liked it or not.

Jiraiya, having finally resigned himself to the fact that Naruto wouldn't leave him alone until he taught her something "cool and badass," stood before her with a smug grin plastered across his face. He held up a hand, and in an instant, a glowing yellow ball of chakra formed in his palm, swirling with an almost hypnotic energy. It was the Rasengan, a jutsu of immense power and finesse.

Naruto, with her usual robotic calmness, tilted her head to the side as she observed the glowing ball. Her expression didn't change much—her eerie, doll-like face remained as neutral as ever—but there was a slight, almost imperceptible widening of her sapphire eyes. "Huh?" she muttered in that monotone voice of hers, "This looks cool, but doesn't seem powerful enough."

Jiraiya's smirk only grew wider at her confusion. He chuckled, clearly enjoying the moment of superiority. "Oh, you think so? Watch this!" With a dramatic flourish, he thrust the ball of chakra straight at a nearby boulder. The impact was immediate and spectacular—the boulder didn't just crack; it practically exploded into chunks of rock and dust, scattering debris everywhere.

Naruto stared at the shattered remains, her expression unchanged. But inside, she was calculating, analyzing, and judging every aspect of what she had just seen. "Interesting," she finally said, her tone flat as always. "What is it called?"

Jiraiya puffed out his chest, his ego swelling to dangerous levels. "This, my young pupil, is the Rasengan!" he declared with the kind of dramatic flair that could only come from someone who had spent way too much time writing pervy novels. "My student, the Fourth Hokage, spent three long years perfecting this jutsu. And guess what? I mastered it in only six months!"

Naruto nodded, her head bobbing up and down like one of those plastic dashboard dolls. "Oooh. I see. Dattebayo." Her voice was still flat, devoid of any real emotion, but the way she nodded furiously suggested that she was more than a little interested. "How do you make it?"

Jiraiya, sensing her eagerness—if you could call that eerie calmness "eagerness"—launched into an explanation with all the enthusiasm of a teacher who had finally found a student that wasn't a total lost cause. "Alright, listen up," he began, rolling up his sleeves as if he were about to deliver the lecture of a lifetime. "The Rasengan is all about chakra control. You need to focus your chakra into a small, tight space, and then make it spin—really, really fast. There are three steps to it. First, you need to learn how to create a spinning ball of chakra. This step is all about learning to control the chakra so it doesn't dissipate. It's harder than it sounds. The second step is maintaining that spinning ball of chakra while adding more power to it—basically increasing the density and strength. The third step is mastering the shape transformation, making the chakra sphere perfectly stable while keeping it powerful."

As Jiraiya spoke, Naruto held out her palm, her gaze fixed on it with a level of intensity that bordered on creepy. Her white hair fluttered slightly as a breeze passed through the clearing, but she remained perfectly still, her glowing sapphire eyes unblinking.

"And don't think you can just skip steps and jump straight to creating a Rasengan," Jiraiya added, wagging a finger at her as if scolding a child. "You need to clear the first two steps first to learn the Rasengan. You cannot just make one the next moment you know how it's—"

But before he could finish his sentence, a bright, spinning golden ball of chakra appeared in Naruto's palm. It wasn't just there—it was perfect, glowing with an intense energy that rivaled the sun itself. The ball spun with such precision and control that even the most skilled shinobi would have had to do a double-take.

Jiraiya's jaw dropped. His eyes widened to the point where they seemed ready to pop out of his head. "How…?"

Unbeknownst to him, Naruto's body had perfect chakra control—thanks to her odd, doll-like nature. It was far superior to even the best medical ninjas, making her a natural at manipulating chakra. But of course, explaining that would ruin the mystique, so Naruto said nothing.

Instead, she simply turned toward an even larger boulder than the one Jiraiya had decimated. With the same robotic calmness, she thrust her hand forward. "Rasengan. Dattebayo."

The impact was nothing short of catastrophic. The boulder didn't just shatter—it disintegrated into millions of tiny pieces, each fragment scattering in every direction like confetti at the world's most explosive party. Dust filled the air, and the ground shook as if an earthquake had just been triggered.

Naruto, amidst the chaos, struck a dramatic pose—one that looked as if it had been practiced in front of a mirror about a thousand times. Her frilly dress swayed in the breeze, her black gloves gleamed in the sunlight, and her high heels clicked ominously against the ground. "Don't be so shocked," she declared, her voice still monotone, though with an odd hint of self-satisfaction. "It is only natural that a brilliant person like me would master it in a minute."

Jiraiya, still staring at the spot where the boulder used to be, felt his legs go weak. His vision swam, and he could feel his pride taking a nosedive into the deepest pits of despair. 'Just when I thought I would get some respect…' he thought miserably before his eyes rolled back and he fainted, collapsing onto the ground with a heavy thud.

Naruto, still in her dramatic pose, blinked once before lowering her hand. She walked over to where Jiraiya lay, her high heels clacking against the ground with a mechanical rhythm. She nudged his belly with one of those heels, her expression as unreadable as ever. "I hope he's not dead," she said to no one in particular, her voice as monotone as ever. "I still need to learn more jutsus. Dattebayo."

Satisfied that he was merely unconscious and not actually deceased, Naruto gave a small, almost imperceptible nod before turning on her heel and walking away, leaving Jiraiya sprawled out on the ground amidst the remains of what used to be a boulder.

"We'll continue after a 'short' Ramen break." She said without looking back.

The day wasn't over yet, and Naruto still had much to learn. After all, she was just getting started.

TBC

Chapter Text

Android Goes To Shopping

Naruto blinked as she stood in the bustling merchant district, her glowing sapphire eyes scanning the rows of cloth shops with an unnerving, robotic precision. Her neck-length white hair fluttered slightly in the breeze, as she performed what could only be described as a full 360-degree head spin, taking in every store in sight.

The bystanders, already on edge due to her strange, doll-like appearance, recoiled in surprise. One vendor dropped a basket of apples, his jaw hanging open. A mother clutched her child closer, whispering, "Don't stare, dear. It's rude." Meanwhile, a group of teenagers huddled together, muttering, "Dude, did you see that? She just... rotated her head like an owl!"

Completely oblivious to the public's reaction, Naruto continued her search. Her beloved frilly black dress, with its high neckline and intricate lace, had served her well but was now in desperate need of a break. Besides, it wouldn't do to wear the same outfit every day, even if she didn't particularly care about fashion.

Last time she'd been here, Ino had dragged her to a trendy shop and somehow convinced the shopkeeper to give Naruto clothes for free. "A favor," Ino had called it, though Naruto suspected it had something to do with Ino's persistent charm—or perhaps her terrifying threats. Either way, Naruto was alone this time, with no Ino to assist her, and she had no idea where to start.

With a mechanical gait, she entered the first shop she saw. It was an elegant little boutique filled with frilly blouses, flowing skirts, and dresses in every pastel shade imaginable. The shopkeeper, a petite woman with graying hair and an overly enthusiastic smile, rushed over to greet her. "Good afternoon, dear! How may I assist you today?" she chirped, clasping her hands together.

Naruto stared at her blankly for a moment, her expressionless face making the shopkeeper's smile falter slightly. "Clothes," Naruto finally said in a monotone, as if the concept of buying attire was a new and foreign idea.

"Ah, of course! Let me show you our latest collection," the woman said, her smile now slightly forced as she guided Naruto towards a rack of floral dresses.

Naruto stared at the rack with an almost clinical disinterest. The shopkeeper held up a bright pink dress with ruffles along the sleeves and hem. "This would look absolutely darling on you!" she exclaimed, holding it up against Naruto's frame.

Naruto blinked once, then twice. "Darling," she repeated, her voice flat. "I am not a child."

The shopkeeper chuckled nervously. "Oh, well, how about this one?" She pulled out a sky-blue dress with a wide, flowing skirt.

Naruto reached out and touched the fabric, then immediately retracted her hand as if it had burned her. "This dress has too much... air," she stated, her tone making it sound like she was reporting a critical malfunction.

The shopkeeper's smile twitched. "Perhaps something simpler?" She moved on to a plain white blouse and a knee-length skirt, desperately trying to gauge Naruto's taste—or lack thereof.

But Naruto's expression didn't change. "Too ordinary," she said, her voice as emotionless as ever. "I do not want to blend in."

The shopkeeper blinked, clearly perplexed. "But darling, isn't that the point?"

"No," Naruto replied, her tone implying that the shopkeeper was perhaps not the brightest. "I want to be seen."

After a few more minutes of Naruto rejecting every outfit with the same deadpan, robotic responses, the shopkeeper finally gave up, muttering something about "peculiar tastes" and "ungrateful customers" under her breath as Naruto left the store.

Naruto wandered further down the street, until she found herself standing in front of a shop with a big, neon sign that read "*Madam M's Underthings*." Curious but still not entirely sure what "underthings" entailed, she walked in.

The interior was an explosion of lace, silk, and satin in every color imaginable. Bras, panties, garters—anything that could possibly fit under clothing was on display, often in ways that would make a blushing civilian avert their eyes.

A middle-aged woman with a severe bun and a clipboard appeared out of nowhere, smiling in a way that was both welcoming and slightly intimidating. "Welcome, shoujō! How may I help you?" she asked in a voice that carried the refined tone of someone who had attended finishing school.

Naruto stared at her blankly. "I don't require such unnecessary things," she muttered, her voice as monotone as ever. "My toad boxers and vest are enough."

For a moment, there was absolute silence. The shopkeeper blinked once, twice, processing what she had just heard. Then, as if possessed by the spirit of propriety itself, she swiftly bowed down and flipped up the hem of Naruto's frilly black dress, revealing a pair of toad-patterned boxers that looked like they belonged on a five-year-old boy, and a plain, unremarkable vest.

Naruto blinked in response, her expression as unchanging as a statue's.

The shopkeeper gasped as if she had just discovered the queen herself wearing rags. "You can't wear these!" she exclaimed, her voice high-pitched with horror.

"I am wearing them," Naruto replied, as though stating a simple fact.

"But shoujō, this is simply unacceptable!" the shopkeeper cried, straightening up and waving her hands dramatically. "A young lady must wear proper undergarments! Something ladylike, something that complements her outer attire!"

Naruto tilted her head slightly, her eyes narrowing as she considered the shopkeeper's words. "Ladylike?" she repeated, as though trying to comprehend the term.

"Yes, ladylike!" the shopkeeper insisted, her foreign accent becoming more pronounced in her passion. "Proper bras and panties that reflect the grace and elegance of a woman!"

Naruto considered this for a long moment. "But," she finally said, "toad boxers are efficient."

"Efficient, perhaps," the shopkeeper conceded, her voice trembling with the effort of remaining polite. "But they are not ladylike! They do not showcase the beauty of the female form! They do not—"

Naruto cut her off. "They cover what needs covering. Is that not sufficient?"

The shopkeeper looked as though she might faint. "Sufficient, yes, but—oh, heavens above! We cannot have a lovely young lady like yourself running around in... that!" She pointed at Naruto's toad boxers as though they were an affront to all of civilization.

Naruto blinked again. "I see no issue. I am functional."

The shopkeeper was now on the verge of a full-blown meltdown. "Functional?! My dear, being a woman is about more than just function! It is about form, elegance, and—oh, for the love of—" She took a deep breath, visibly calming herself. "You, young lady, are coming with me."

Before Naruto could protest, the shopkeeper grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to the back of the store, where she began to pull out bras and panties in white, orange, and black. "These will do," the shopkeeper muttered to herself. "These will give you the proper support and—yes, even though you're an A cup, it's still important!"

Naruto stared at the selection of underwear as though it was a foreign object from another dimension. "I do not understand the necessity of these," she stated, her voice as deadpan as ever.

The shopkeeper turned to her, her expression one of exasperated patience. "Shoujō, trust me. One day, you will understand."

Naruto blinked slowly. "If you say so."

With that, the shopkeeper shoved the bras and panties into Naruto's hands, forcing her to the counter. Naruto, who still didn't quite understand the point of all this, simply allowed it to happen, her expression remaining as flat and emotionless as ever.

As Naruto exited the shop, now the reluctant owner of several sets of "proper ladylike attire," she couldn't help but feel slightly confused by the whole experience. Nevertheless, she continued on her way, her frilly black dress swishing around her legs as she walked, the shopkeeper's words echoing in her mind.

"Ladylike…" she murmured to herself, as though trying to solve a complex riddle. "Perhaps... toads are not ladylike."

The thought was unsettling, but she filed it away for later consideration as she continued on her way, her high heels clicking rhythmically against the cobblestone streets.

Naruto looked down at her wallet—her beloved Gama-chan, the little green frog purse that had seen better days. The poor thing was feeling uncomfortably light, as though it had gone on a severe diet. Those underwear had better be worth it, she thought with a sigh. Now, she had to somehow buy clothes with what little money she had left.

As she trudged through the busy streets of the merchant district, her frilly black dress rustling with each step, something caught her eye. A figure dressed in what could only be described as cat-themed clothing was lounging against a nearby wall, licking an ice cream cone with a sort of lazy, feline grace.

"Dattebayo," Naruto blinked, her glowing sapphire eyes zeroing in on the peculiar sight. It was Gaara's teammate—the boy with the cat clothes and makeup, who always seemed to exude an aura of weirdness that rivaled her own.

Kankuro, noticing the intense stare from the strange, emotionless girl, paused mid-lick. He frowned, recognizing her instantly. It was that creepy girl from the Leaf. "What do you want?" he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Nothing," Naruto replied, her voice as flat as ever. "Just curious."

"About what?" Kankuro asked, growing more annoyed by the second.

"Are you a cat lover?" Naruto asked, tilting her head to the side as if genuinely pondering the question.

Kankuro nearly choked on his ice cream. "What?! No, I'm not a cat lover! What the hell gave you that idea?"

Naruto blinked slowly, processing his words. "But you behave like one," she stated, her tone completely serious. "You wear cat ears, you lick things like a cat, and your clothes... They resemble a cat's."

Kankuro stared at her in disbelief, his eye twitching. "It's not a cat costume! It's my puppet gear! And the face paint is war paint, not whiskers!"

Naruto continued to stare at him blankly, as though not fully convinced. "I see. So you are not a cat lover," she concluded, but her tone suggested she was filing the information away for further analysis.

Before Kankuro could launch into a tirade about how he was most definitely not a cat, a tall, serious-looking man appeared beside him. Baki, their team's sensei, gave Naruto a quick, scrutinizing glance before turning to Kankuro.

"Kankuro, we have a team meeting. Let's go," Baki said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Kankuro gave Naruto one last, irritated look before turning on his heel and following Baki. "Yeah, whatever," he muttered, still annoyed by the bizarre interaction.

Naruto watched them leave, her expression unchanged. She had more pressing matters to attend to—like finding some clothes that wouldn't break the bank.

As she continued walking, her gaze landed on a small, somewhat shabby shinobi clothing shop. The sign above the door was faded, but the mannequins in the window displayed practical, if uninspired, ninja attire. Naruto sighed as she looked down at her wallet again. She needed clothes, but with what money?

Just as she was about to enter the shop, a familiar voice called out to her. "Oi, Loser."

Naruto turned to see Sasuke approaching, his hands casually shoved into his pockets. His appearance had changed since the last time she'd seen him—he was now wearing a attire, which consisted of a black, high-collared shirt with the Uchiha clan crest on the back, and white bandages with black belts tangled up to his elbows. His pants…that were connected to his shirt were also black, and he had wrapped his legs in bandages that gave him a more seasoned, battle-ready look.

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, his tone more curious than condescending.

Naruto cocked her head to the side, her eyes fixed on his new outfit, her creepy, glowing eyes tracking him like some sort of hunting machine. "Your clothes… they are… interesting. Where can I acquire such attire?" she asked, completely ignoring his question.

Sasuke frowned slightly, confused by her sudden interest in fashion. "They're from the Uchiha storage," he explained, his voice calm. "My clan has all sorts of clothes, for civilians and shinobi alike."

Naruto's eyes widened slightly, her expression finally showing a hint of excitement. "Civil clothes and shinobi clothes?" she repeated, her tone almost eager.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted in affirmation, raising an eyebrow. "Why? Where are you going?"

Naruto didn't answer right away. Instead, she took a step closer to him, her eyes locking onto his with an unsettling intensity. "Give me some of them," she demanded, her voice taking on a robotic tone that made Sasuke shiver slightly.

Sasuke took a step back, his frown deepening. "Why should I?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I…am…uh…" Naruto hesitated for a moment, clearly searching for a reason. "Your teammate. Dattebayo," she added, as if that explanation would suffice.

"They belong to the Uchiha Clan," Sasuke replied, his tone flat as he tried to ignore the strange way Naruto was looking at him.

Naruto's mind raced as she tried to think of something that would convince him. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. "I'll teach you a B-rank jutsu," she said, her voice completely serious.

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly, interest piqued. "You're sure?" he asked, his tone laced with skepticism.

"Indeed," Naruto replied, nodding robotically.

"What's the name of this technique?" Sasuke asked, now fully intrigued.

Naruto hesitated again, her eyes shifting slightly as she quickly came up with something. "Ori…ONJ," she stuttered, the words coming out more awkwardly than she intended. "But you cannot use this often. Only in serious situations. It's a powerful distraction. People may even die."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, his curiosity now mixed with caution. "Sounds dangerous," he mused, considering the offer.

"Yes, indeed," Naruto said with a nod, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "Even Old Man Hokage is afraid of it."

Sasuke closed his eyes for a moment, weighing his options. Finally, he opened them and nodded. "Alright," he said, his voice decisive. "Tell me what you need, but I'll remove the Uchiha Clan symbol from them before giving them to you."

Naruto's eyes lit up in a way that was almost eerie. "Dattebayo," she said, her voice laced with an odd mix of satisfaction and robotic monotony.

As Sasuke walked away to fetch the clothes, Naruto allowed herself a small, almost imperceptible smile. It wasn't every day that she managed to outmaneuver Sasuke, and she couldn't wait to see what kind of cool clothes she'd be getting from the Uchiha storage.

But more than that, she was already planning how she'd explain to Sasuke what "ONJ" actually was. Maybe she could turn it into something… truly unforgettable.

Chapter Text

Chunin Exam Finals; Part I

Genma's senbon twitched between his teeth as he observed the group of genins assembled before him, each one carrying the weight of a reputation that could make any seasoned shinobi wary. His eyes scanned the faces, ticking off each name in his head like an unspoken roll call.

Gaara of the Sand: a known killer with an appetite for destruction.

Shino Aburame: the heir to the mysterious and aloof Aburame clan, with insects constantly buzzing beneath the surface of his skin.

Kin Tsuchi from the Sound: a wildcard in her own right, her unreadable face offering no hints as to what she was capable of.

Kankuro of the Sand had forfeited earlier, something about him being 'sick.' Genma doubted it. The puppet master always looked sick to him.

Neji Hyuga: the prodigy of the Hyuga clan, who had inherited more than just the eyes of his bloodline.

Temari of the Sand: cold, calculating, and never without her massive fan.

Dosu Kinuta from the Sound was absent, his body found lifeless the day before, the cause of death still a mystery shrouded in whispers.

Sasuke Uchiha: the last loyal Uchiha, the one who carried both the pride and the burden of his clan on his young shoulders.

And then... Naruto Uzumaki.

"Dattebayo," she chirped robotically, almost out of place, as Genma's eyes settled on her. Oh, right. The rumors were true. Naruto Uzumaki, once the loudmouthed prankster of Konoha, had somehow transformed into this android-like girl with an unsettling lack of expression. Her white hair, unnaturally perfect and shoulder-length, framed her glowing sapphire eyes, eyes that didn't seem entirely… human.

Genma blinked slowly. His senbon wobbled between his teeth as his gaze shifted downward. What was she wearing?

Naruto stood there, completely deadpan, wearing a frilly black dress that wouldn't look out of place in a fancy tea party for dolls. The hem of the dress was adorned with small white and red flowers—because, why not? Her fingerless, elbow-length black gloves shimmered in the sunlight like something straight out of an avant-garde fashion show that no shinobi should ever be caught dead at. And the high heels—those ridiculous black high heels—clicked against the ground with an eerie precision.

Genma shook his head slightly. Nope. He wasn't going to question his dead boss's daughter's sense of fashion. That way lay madness.

Meanwhile, Gaara, the Ichibi Jinchuriki, was glaring daggers—or more accurately, glaring entire arsenals—at Naruto. His pale face twisted in anticipation, the gourd strapped to his back nearly trembling with his thirst for blood. The intensity in Gaara's eyes would have sent most shinobi into an immediate panic attack. But Naruto, with her eerily calm posture, seemed more confused than anything else.

"Mother wants your blood," Gaara whispered, his voice low and throaty, like a serpent ready to strike.

Naruto blinked, her glowing sapphire eyes focusing blankly on him. She slowly raised a single finger, pointing it at herself with robotic precision. "Me?"

Gaara's eyes narrowed even further, if that was even possible. "Your blood will validate my existence."

Naruto tilted her head to one side, as though the concept of needing blood for validation was the most alien thing she had ever heard of. "If your mother needs blood, you should go to the blood bank in the hospital. They have lots of it. Organized too. Different types, even. Very convenient."

Gaara's lip curled in frustration. "I want your blood."

Naruto's head remained tilted, her voice as emotionless as ever. "But I don't have blood. I have ink." She paused, blinking a few times as if considering something deeply. "Even if I did have blood, it might not match. What if you're AB negative and I'm... type, I don't know, Dattebayo? Also, is that gourd on your back for blood? Seems too big for that. You could fit at least four gallons in there. Dattebayo."

For a moment, Gaara's ever-creepy, murderous expression faltered, as if Naruto's sheer weirdness had thrown off his entire serial-killer-in-training vibe. The words hung awkwardly in the air between them.

Genma, meanwhile, was visibly trying to hold it together. He bit down harder on the senbon, his eyebrows twitching slightly. This girl—this android girl—was going to be the end of him. He needed to get the Chunin Exams moving before Naruto somehow derailed the entire structure of shinobi society with her bizarre, logic-defying antics.

Clearing his throat loudly, Genma stepped forward, putting an end to the odd exchange. "Alright! Enough chitchat. The final stage of the Chunin Exams begins now." His voice was firm, though there was a slight edge of exasperation. He pointed toward the center of the arena. "Sasuke Uchiha and Neji Hyuga, take your positions."

As the announcement rang through the arena, the crowd erupted into deafening cheers. The noise surged like a wave as spectators leaned forward in their seats, excitement buzzing in the air. This was the match people had come for—two of Konoha's top prodigies, the last loyal Uchiha versus the Hyuga genius. People from neighboring villages, dignitaries, even travelers from distant lands had filled the stands, eagerly anticipating the battle. Bets were placed. Rivalries reignited. This was about to be the fight of the century, and the crowd could barely contain themselves.

Neji Hyuga stepped forward calmly, his Byakugan already activated, veins bulging around his pale, pupil-less eyes. Sasuke Uchiha, meanwhile, stood with his hands casually in his pockets, his new attire—dark blue shirt with the Uchiha symbol on the back, white shorts, and arm guards—contrasting sharply against Neji's traditional Hyuga robes.

"Loser," Sasuke muttered under his breath as he brushed past Naruto, giving her a dismissive glance. "I want to fight you, deal?"

Naruto, in her ever-unfazed robotic tone, responded with a flat, "Noted. For now, good luck, Dattebayo."

Û~Û

For a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath. Neither Neji nor Sasuke moved, the arena thick with anticipation. Their eyes locked, both of them calculating, measuring, testing the air between them. The crowd leaned forward, the tension palpable as if the entire stadium was waiting for an explosion. Then, like a crack of lightning, both fighters dashed towards each other.

Neji, his pale Byakugan eyes glowing with intensity, moved with the kind of speed that seemed impossible for a human. His strikes were precise, aimed at Sasuke's vital points, his chakra points. His hands moved like blurs, each strike faster than the last, an unrelenting storm of perfectly placed blows.

But Sasuke, with his Sharingan spinning in his eyes, dodged each attack by the narrowest of margins. His movements were graceful yet sharp, like a well-honed blade slicing through the air. Neji's strikes came close—too close—but Sasuke's body twisted and turned, avoiding them just in time, the faint flicker of his two-tomoe Sharingan giving him the edge.

Sasuke realized quickly that Neji wasn't just fast—he was deadly. Every move Neji made had purpose, every strike was aimed at a weak point, designed to cripple his opponent. But Sasuke was no ordinary opponent. His Sharingan allowed him to read Neji's movements, to predict the next attack just before it happened. Still, Neji's speed and precision were formidable, and Sasuke had to push himself to his limits to keep up.

Neji, on the other hand, could see the fire burning in Sasuke's eyes. The Uchiha was more than just tough; he was determined, driven. Each dodge, each counter, was executed with a calm fury. Neji could see the resolve in Sasuke, the desperation to prove himself. The Hyuga prodigy knew that Sasuke, despite losing his entire family, still had great potential.

They both leapt back, putting distance between them, panting lightly but maintaining their intense stares.

Neji, his voice even and calm, spoke, "Despite losing your family, you have great potential, Sasuke Uchiha." His tone wasn't mocking, but there was a subtle edge to it. "The Uchiha clan was quite formidable. You are a prime example of that strength."

Sasuke didn't flinch, but something in his eyes shifted. The words hung in the air like a challenge, and Sasuke took them personally. His jaw clenched, his Sharingan glowing a deeper red. "Everything I've learned," he said, his voice low and tight, "I learned on my own. Don't think for a second I rely on anyone else's strength."

But before Sasuke could continue, a flat, robotic voice interrupted from the genin gallery. "I thought he learned a lot from the academy. Dattebayo," Naruto chirped, her tone completely devoid of emotion. She sat with her chin resting on her hand, her sapphire eyes glowing eerily as she observed the match. "Maybe Iruka-sensei was slacking off? And Kakashi-sensei, didn't you say you taught the Bastard a new jutsu?"

Kakashi, sitting lazily next to her, let out a soft chuckle under his mask.

Sasuke's eye twitched violently. 'That idiot…' he thought, biting back the urge to snap at Naruto.

Neji, sensing the brief distraction, seized the opportunity. With speed that was almost invisible to the naked eye, he dashed forward, his fingers raised and ready to strike. Sasuke, barely catching the movement with his Sharingan, twisted his body at the last second, avoiding a direct hit but losing his balance.

Neji's expression darkened as he activated his clan's signature technique. "Eight Trigrams: Sixty-Four Palms!"

The crowd gasped as Neji's arms moved in a blur, his strikes a flawless display of Hyuga precision. His hands moved in rapid succession, jabbing at Sasuke's chakra points, sealing them off with terrifying speed.

"Two palms!" Neji's voice rang out, his strikes landing on Sasuke's torso.

"Four palms!"

Sasuke's arms flailed as he tried to dodge, but Neji's speed was too much.

"Eight palms!"

The force of Neji's strikes sent Sasuke stumbling backward, pain shooting through his body.

"Sixteen palms!" Neji's strikes became even faster, more relentless.

"Thirty-two palms!"

Sasuke's knees buckled, his Sharingan flickering as his chakra pathways were being blocked one after another.

"Sixty-four palms!" Neji finished, landing the final blow with a force that sent Sasuke crashing to the ground, his body completely still.

The crowd held its breath, a stunned silence falling over the arena. Sasuke lay on the ground, unmoving, his face hidden beneath his bangs.

"It seems you are not as talented as I thought you were," Neji said coldly, standing over Sasuke's still form, his Byakugan deactivated. He was about to turn away when—

Sasuke's body disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"A clone?!" Neji's eyes widened in shock.

From the gallery, Naruto raised a hand lazily and called out, "Shadow Clone, Dattebayo. And for the record, I taught him that."

Before Neji could react, Sasuke appeared behind him, his body low and coiled like a predator ready to strike. Sasuke's fists clenched as he prepared his signature move—the Lion's Barrage.

But Neji was fast. In an instant, he spun in place, a vortex of chakra erupting around him. "Heavenly Rotation!"

The swirling chakra deflected Sasuke's attack with a violent force, sending him flying through the air like a ragdoll. He crashed into the ground with a heavy thud, groaning from the impact.

From the stands, Hiashi Hyuga's eyes widened in shock. 'The main family technique… how?'

Sasuke rolled painfully to his feet, clutching his side, his face twisted in anger and frustration. Neji, standing tall and unscathed, looked down at him with a cold, detached expression.

"I learned the technique by watching the main family," Neji said evenly, his voice laced with envy. "Unlike you, Sasuke, I don't have the luxury of an illustrious bloodline to shield me. Everything I've learned, I've had to take for myself. I don't have the privilege of being born with a destiny."

Sasuke's eyes burned with fury. "You don't know a thing about me!"

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Don't I? You've never had to suffer the way I have—"

"Yes," Naruto's robotic voice interrupted again, "On our third D-rank mission—"

Sakura, sitting beside Naruto, quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, cutting her off before she could spill more embarrassing details. Sasuke shot a deadly glare in their direction, clearly reaching the limit of his patience with his teammate.

Suddenly, a strange noise filled the arena. It started off faint, like the chirping of a bird, but it grew louder, more intense. Everyone's attention snapped back to the center of the field, eyes widening as they saw the source of the sound.

Sasuke's hand was crackling with lightning, the bright blue energy pulsating and sparking wildly around his palm. The crowd gasped in awe, their eyes glued to the sight.

"Kakashi…" Gai whispered in disbelief, his face pale with shock. "You taught him the Chidori?!"

Kakashi scratched the back of his head and shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Sasuke, his face twisted in determination, charged forward, the Chidori blazing in his hand like a lightning spear. Neji, seeing the attack coming, immediately spun into his Heavenly Rotation, his chakra forming a protective dome around him. The two techniques clashed in an explosion of energy, the arena shaking with the force of the impact.

But Sasuke's Chidori was relentless. It pierced through Neji's defense, the lightning crackling as it struck Neji square in the chest, sending him flying across the arena. Neji hit the ground hard, skidding to a stop as the crowd watched in stunned silence.

Sasuke stood over him, breathing heavily, his hand still sparking with the remnants of the Chidori. "I was orphaned by my own brother," Sasuke said through gritted teeth. "Your lineage doesn't matter. We create our own destinies."

Neji, barely conscious, looked up at Sasuke, shock and disbelief clouding his pale eyes. He had never expected to be defeated, not like this.

Genma, chewing his senbon casually despite the gravity of the moment, raised his hand. "Winner: Sasuke Uchiha!"

The stadium erupted into wild cheers, the noise deafening. Sakura and Ino screamed in excitement, practically losing their minds as they jumped up and down in the stands. Gai, meanwhile, was already lecturing Kakashi about the dangers of teaching such powerful techniques to genin, though Kakashi seemed utterly uninterested in the scolding.

Naruto, still sitting calmly, nodded to herself. "Dattebayo." She glanced sideways at Gaara, who was glaring at her with murderous intent. A chill ran down her…eh…spine? 'I'm next.'

Chapter Text

Chunin Exam Finals; Part II

The tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a kunai. Genma stood in the center of the arena, senbon lazily dangling from his mouth. He looked over at the two combatants. First, there was Gaara, a red-headed boy with a look in his eyes that screamed "I might murder you in your sleep for fun," and then there was Naruto. Well, "Naruto," though what stood before the crowd barely resembled the loud, orange-clad ball of chaos they all knew.

Genma sighed, motioning for both to enter the arena. "Naruto Uzumaki and Gaara of the Sand, step forward."

The crowd, still uncomfortable from hearing the name "Naruto," murmured among themselves. They had expected the loudmouth prankster they were used to seeing around the village. But instead, there was this... strange, robotic girl. Pale white hair, glowing sapphire eyes, and a frilly black dress straight out of a bizarre fashion show. She looked like something from a horror film, like she was about to either dance ballet or stab someone, maybe both.

"Who is she?!" someone from the stands yelled, their voice a mix of confusion and fear. "I thought you said the demon... eh... Naruto Uzumaki!"

Naruto's head slowly tilted, her glowing eyes scanning the crowd. In her monotone, robotic voice, she declared, "I am the great Naruto Uzumaki. Dattebayo."

The crowd collectively gasped, their jaws hitting the ground in disbelief. Was this real? Was this actually Naruto?

Naruto just shrugged like she couldn't care less about their confusion. Her attention flicked back to her opponent, Gaara, who was muttering under his breath. Something about "blood" and "mother." You know, the usual creepy Gaara things.

Naruto blinked, expressionless. "Hello," she said flatly. "I hope you are wearing your sand armor on your butt too."

Gaara blinked, his twitching eye betraying his annoyance. "Huh?"

"Because I'll kick it. Dattebayo." Naruto added, her voice still void of any actual emotion.

Genma pinched the bridge of his nose. This was already getting ridiculous. "Alright, let's get this over with." He leaped into the air, his senbon glinting as he signaled the start of the match. "Begin!"

Before the word had even left his lips, Gaara's sand shot out like a tidal wave, aiming straight for Naruto. But she dodged, twisting her body with eerie, mechanical precision, like some kind of creepy cat avoiding a hyperactive dog. Her movements were too fluid, too calculated.

Gaara's sand only seemed to get angrier, swirling faster, becoming more aggressive as it tried to corner Naruto. The crowd leaned forward in anticipation. Was she going to be crushed? Would her frilly dress survive?

"Yeah! Go Naruto!"

Sakura, from the stands, cheered loudly, pumping her fist into the air. But when she realized that everyone was staring at her, she turned beet red and immediately shrank back in her seat. Sasuke, on the other hand, just nodded ever so slightly, his way of silently cheering for Naruto… in a brooding, emo fashion, of course.

Naruto, in the middle of her dodging spree, didn't even seem phased. As Gaara's sand continued to chase her, she leaped into the air, her dress flaring out dramatically. In a split second, she made fifty shadow clones, all charging at Gaara from every direction.

But Gaara wasn't having any of that. His sand orb shot up around him, spikes bursting out of it like some demented cactus. One by one, Naruto's clones were popped like over-inflated balloons.

Gaara's lip twitched, annoyed at how persistent this girl was. He lifted his hand, summoning a rain of sand needles, aiming straight for the real Naruto. Yet, somehow, she dodged again, twisting her body in mid-air like an acrobat. Her skirt flared out dangerously high, displaying an orange…stuff, and in the stands, Hinata's eyes went wide. She fainted instantly, while her father, Hiashi, sighed in exasperation, rubbing his temples. "I'm going to need to have a long talk with her..."

Gaara's expression grew darker. His sand attacks were relentless, spears of sand shooting out like deadly missiles. But Naruto dodged with almost inhuman durability, as if her body was built to take hits and keep moving.

"Time to get offensive," Naruto blinked, her voice flat as always. She suddenly leaped into the air, her hands forming golden orbs of chakra.

Gaara's sand immediately rose to form a massive shield, ready to block the incoming attack. But something was off.

The golden orbs in Naruto's hands were growing. They were getting bigger, and bigger, until they were about the size of... watermelons.

The crowd collectively held their breath. Everyone recognized that technique.

"Is that—"

"—the—?"

Naruto's emotionless face remained blank as she spoke in her flat voice. "Rasengan. Dattebayo."

With a swift, almost robotic motion, she slammed the massive Rasengans into Gaara's sand shield. The impact was deafening, shaking the entire stadium. The sand shield cracked, then crumbled, as if it was made of paper. Gaara's eyes widened in horror, realizing the Rasengans were still intact, still deadly.

Naruto wasted no time. She drove one Rasengan straight into Gaara's torso, and with the other… well, she aimed lower. Straight for Gaara's butt.

The crowd gasped in shock. Gaara's so-called "unbreakable" sand armor shattered like glass, leaving him completely exposed. His face contorted in pain and disbelief. This was NOT how he expected this fight to go.

There was an explosion of debris, a cloud of dust rising as Gaara was sent flying backward. When the dust settled, Naruto was standing there, her hands on her hips, striking what she probably thought was a "cool" pose. Genma winced, cringing internally. "Dattebayo," Naruto declared.

Gaara was on the ground, blood trickling from his wounds. He was barely conscious, his body shaking. Genma cleared his throat, still chewing on his senbon. "The winner is Naruto Uzumaki!"

For a moment, there was silence. Then the crowd erupted into cheers, the stands shaking with excitement. Even Sakura and Ino, who rarely agreed on anything, were screaming in unison.

"Dattebayo." Naruto nodded like it was the most obvious outcome.

Meanwhile, Gaara stared at his hands, his eyes wide in disbelief. "My blood… my blood…"

Naruto, ever the socially awkward android, blinked at him. "You should really see a medic about that. Dattebayo."

Gaara's face twisted in rage, his killing intent flaring up like a tidal wave. The sheer force of it froze the entire stadium. Even the birds stopped chirping. The temperature seemed to drop as the weight of his bloodlust crashed down on everyone.

Naruto, ever oblivious, tilted her head. "Huh?"

And then, all hell broke loose.

Chapter Text

Android VS Zombie; First Half

Naruto barely had time to react before a wave of dark chakra burst from Gaara like an out-of-control geyser, blasting through the stadium with terrifying intensity. It wasn't just a surge—it was monstrous, thick and oppressive. The force of it sent Naruto flying back, her limbs flailing like a puppet on strings. She landed on her feet, wobbling slightly as she steadied herself, her head tilting mechanically to the side.

"Gaaa...yahhh!" Gaara's voice wasn't just a yell; it was a roar—primal and otherworldly, something that didn't quite belong in the realm of a mere human. The chakra seeping out of him was nothing like the usual kind you felt during a spar. No, this was something else entirely. The kind that made your skin crawl. Of course, Naruto had felt worse—there was literally a fox made of hatred inside her stomach, which she referred to as her metaphorical guts, but even she had to admit, Gaara's power was pretty massive.

The crowd, however, wasn't as used to dealing with that kind of raw energy. They gasped in unison, their collective fear spreading through the stadium like wildfire. Panic set in. People shot up from their seats, pushing and shoving each other as they scrambled to escape the arena. Mothers clutched their children, vendors left their stalls, and some guy dropped his dango in sheer terror. It was absolute chaos.

"Run!" someone shouted, their voice cracking as they bolted for the exit.

"We're all gonna die!" another screamed, their eyes wild with fear as they tripped over a row of seats.

The chunin assigned to guard the civilians immediately jumped into action, trying their best to calm the crowd. "Stay calm! Stay in your seats! We'll handle this!" one of them yelled, arms flailing as he tried to direct people to safety.

But no one was listening. Not a soul. Everyone had hit full-on panic mode. It was like a stampede at a rock concert, but way less fun. And just when things looked like things couldn't get any worse—

White feathers started to drift down from the sky, slow and gentle like snowflakes. The chaos in the stands seemed to freeze as an eerie calm washed over the arena. The civilians blinked drowsily, their movements sluggish as they yawned. In mere moments, they all collapsed—slumped over in their seats, on the stairs, and even on each other. Asleep. Completely unconscious.

The genins weren't spared either. One by one, they fell into deep slumber, except for a few notable exceptions. Team Seven remained standing—Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura still wide awake. Shino was there too, adjusting his sunglasses like nothing fazed him. As for Shikamaru? He lay on the ground pretending to be unconscious because, well, avoiding work was his number one priority.

Meanwhile, up in the gallery, the Jōnin, ANBU, and the Kages were unaffected. Genma's gaze shifted from the sleeping civilians to the battlefield. His eyes narrowed, and his voice dropped to a grave tone. "The Hidden Sand has turned against us. And it looks like they've teamed up with Orochimaru and the Hidden Sound."

Explosions echoed from outside the stadium, shaking the ground beneath their feet. The roars of battle followed, signaling that the invasion had begun. Shinobi from the shadows sprang into action, attacking the Leaf shinobi on sight. The war had started.

Naruto, however, seemed unfazed by the chaos around her. She was cracking her wooden joints, making loud, unsettling pops that echoed through the silence. "As the future Hokage, I must protect this village," she declared, her voice robotic, her posture stiff. She then raised her arms, which made another series of grotesque, creaky noises as she prepared to leap toward the oncoming enemies.

But before she could even get her feet off the ground, a very familiar, very irritating voice buzzed in her head, startling her.

-Hidden Leaf Village is under siege. the voice said, flat and emotionless. Bitch spoke. One hundred percent access to all skills, knowledge, and jutsu playlists granted.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock. After all this time of dealing with a broken AI system, Bitch was actually functioning? Giving her access to all the cool powers she'd always wanted? This was a miracle!

She waited, bracing herself for the sudden rush of information—the knowledge and skills she desperately needed. But... nothing happened. No surge of power. No instant understanding of complex techniques. Nothing.

-Process failed. Bitch added flatly.

Naruto blinked, her mechanical voice dripping with disappointment. "Huh?"

It appears that your fight with 'a fellow Leaf Shinobi' one month ago has damaged the sealing diagrams inside 2B's body, Bitch continued. Therefore, I—

"You're useless," Naruto cut her off, irritation creeping into her usually monotone voice. "Fine, I'll do it myself."

-Understood. Bitch replied, completely unaffected by the insult.

Naruto sighed dramatically, her glowing blue eyes shifting toward the roof where the Old Man Hokage—Sarutobi Hiruzen himself—was locked in battle with a suspiciously familiar-looking figure inside a giant, glowing, transparent purple cube. The guy he was fighting looked… weird. But, hey, so did a lot of things in Naruto's life at this point.

"I need to help the Old Man," Naruto muttered to herself, clenching her fists with determination. "Without someone as skilled as me, he's hopeless."

Genma, who was standing beside her, raised an eyebrow and pulled the senbon from his mouth. "He's the Hokage for a reason. He'll be fine. You, however…"

"But he is easily defeated by my Sexy Jutsu." Naruto argued. "He's weak. And a pervert."

"Ugh. Great, now I am having stupid images in my mind. Just… forget it." He pulled out the senbon from his mouth as he gazed at the three figures landing beside Gaara to protect him— Baki, Temari and Kankurou. His gaze flicked toward Gaara, who was… well, transforming. Into what appeared to be a giant raccoon. Or maybe a tanuki? Honestly, it was hard to tell.

Naruto tilted her head, her glowing eyes unblinking as she observed Gaara's transformation. "Cool," she said flatly

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are to subdue Gaara and aid others thereafter." Genma knew she was just a genin and had some… okay- a lot of screws loose on her head, but she was supposed to be really strong, dangerous and unpredictable. "Meanwhile, I'll take care of these Sand Shinobi. Am I clear?"

Naruto saluted awkwardly, her arm movements stiff and unnatural. "Dattebayo!" she chirped.

Genma pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll take that as a 'yes'..."

With that, Naruto turned her attention back to Gaara, her body shifting into an aggressive stance. Her legs bent slightly, her hands out in front of her like she was about to tackle a particularly challenging obstacle course.

She leaped toward Gaara, a Rasengan already forming in her hand, glowing brightly like a miniature sun.

Naruto charged toward Gaara with her golden Rasengan in hand, determined to land a hit, but the sand walls this time were thicker, denser, and as hard as granite. The golden chakra orb fizzled out upon contact, barely making a dent in the unyielding barrier. Gaara—no, it wasn't just Gaara anymore, was it? It was Ichibi now, or at least something close to it. His chakra had become wild, violent, and untamable, swirling around him like a malevolent storm.

Naruto barely dodged as a violent whip of sand lashed out at her, cracking the ground where she had stood. She leaped into the air, flipping awkwardly but somehow managing to evade the attacks, looking almost like a wind-up toy with her stiff movements.

"Alright, I see how it is," she muttered to herself, her glowing sapphire eyes narrowing. She ran through a series of hand signs, determined to try something new. "Water Style: Water Bullets!"

She puffed out her cheeks and spat a small stream of water, expecting something dramatic—deadly, even. But instead of the torrent she envisioned, a weak spray dribbled from her lips, barely reaching a foot in front of her. It was like a glorified spit-take.

Naruto's mechanical head swiveled to look at the nearest spectator, who was gawking at her with disbelief. She straightened herself up and gave a stiff, confident nod. "Yep, exactly as planned! You see, that was just a warm-up. Gotta test the wind resistance first. Yeah… everything's going according to my master plan."

The spectator blinked. "Uh… sure."

Ignoring her embarrassing water fiasco, Naruto reset, determination etched across her expressionless face. She ran through the hand signs again—this time, with a lot more urgency. "Water Style: Water Bullets!"

This time, a volley of bullet-like streams shot from her mouth, each one moving at blinding speed. Her head jerked back and forth with each blast, shaking like a marionette controlled by a hyperactive puppeteer. The blasts were powerful, sure, but Naruto's stiff posture made the whole thing look bizarrely comedic—like a firehose barely contained.

Gaara's sand rose up in defense, shielding him from the watery onslaught. But the Ichibi chakra swirling around him was only growing stronger by the second.

Naruto, never one to back down, decided it was time for her ultimate move. With a confident, robotic tilt of her head, she summoned a hundred shadow clones, each one forming a Rasengan in hand. The sheer volume of golden chakra orbs spinning in the arena cast an eerie glow over the battlefield.

"Behold!" all the Narutos said in perfect synchronization, their voices echoing grandly. "This is my new ultimate technique. Completely original!"

Gaara roared, the beast within him seemingly in full control now, as he lunged at the real Naruto, sand swirling and clawing in his wake.

But before Gaara could reach her, the Narutos charged, their Rasengans growing to absurd sizes—big enough to rival the heads of the Hokages carved into the mountain.

"Massive Rasengan Barrage!"

A series of golden lights erupted from the Rasengans as they collided with Gaara's sand barrier. Each explosion of chakra sent shockwaves through the arena, forcing everyone to shield their eyes from the blinding light. The sheer intensity of the attack momentarily paused all the fighting in the stadium.

Even Orochimaru, who was locked in battle with the Third Hokage, squinted through the golden glow, his snake-like eyes narrowing. "That brat…"

Meanwhile, atop the gallery, Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, stood firm in his black battle attire, facing off against Orochimaru. Despite the chaos, the old man's voice rang out with wisdom and conviction. "The Will of Fire burns strong, Orochimaru. It is the source of the village's strength. As long as it exists, Konoha will never fall."

Orochimaru sneered, his tongue flicking out in distaste. "The Will of Fire is nothing more than a fairytale, Sarutobi. An illusion you cling to."

"A fairy indeed," Hiruzen nodded sagely. "But one that grants strength beyond anything you can understand."

Just then, the blinding golden light from Naruto's barrage began to fade, revealing a heavily battered Gaara. But that wasn't what caught Orochimaru's attention. His lip curled in a mix of amusement and disgust as his gaze shifted to Naruto, standing over Gaara's half-transformed, semi-conscious body.

"Does the 'Will of Fire' also say the fairy should be naked?" Orochimaru spat with a mocking grin.

Hiruzen frowned, his eyes scanning the battlefield until they landed on Naruto. His eyes widened in absolute horror.

There she was—Naruto Uzumaki, standing tall over the half-dead Ichibi Jinchuriki, lecturing Gaara with all the seriousness in the world… and completely naked.

"So that's why she couldn't wear anything other than that frilly black dress…" Hiruzen muttered, his eyes still wide. "The dress she was wearing earlier was not meant to endure such destructive power…"

Naruto, of course, was blissfully unaware of her wardrobe malfunction as she struck what she thought was a 'cool' pose. Her mechanical voice came out in an authoritative monotone, "You see, Gaara, the secret to my strength is simple."

Gaara, bloodied and beaten, groaned in confusion. "Why are you… so strong?"

Naruto tilted her head mechanically, her glowing blue eyes staring unblinkingly at him. "Because," she said, "I'm too cool for my own good. Dattebayo."

"C-cool…?"

"Indeed," Naruto continued, her voice devoid of emotion but still somehow managing to sound like she was delivering the most profound wisdom. "In order to protect others, you must be cool. And with great coolness, comes great power."

Gaara blinked through the pain, trying to process what she was saying. "But… why do you fight for them?" he asked, his voice weak.

Naruto's head shifted slightly, her voice still completely deadpan. "These people, most of whom are clearly beneath me, need my guidance. That's why I must protect them."

Gaara's sand trembled slightly as he stared at her in disbelief. "I… see."

"If you stay alone all the time, killing people and being a general creep, you'll never be happy," Naruto added, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

Gaara's eyes flickered with something close to understanding. "I… understand."

"Good for you. Dattebayo," Naruto said, already turning on her heel, ready to leap away.

"Wait!" Gaara called out, his voice strained. "Why are you—"

But before he could finish, Naruto had already vanished, leaving Gaara lying there in a mix of confusion and, oddly enough, motivation.

Naruto landed lightly on the rooftop of the gallery, where some enemy ninja were nervously approaching her. Their faces were flushed, though Naruto assumed it was due to fear. Must be her overwhelming coolness.

With a few stiff, robotic taijutsu attacks, she dispatched the enemies with ease. They dropped to the ground, unconscious, but strangely enough, each of them had nosebleeds.

Naruto tilted her head again, looking at them curiously. "I didn't even touch their noses. Why are they having nosebleeds?" She shrugged, chalking it up to yet another weird thing she didn't need to understand.

Then, with determination in her glowing eyes, she approached one of the four ninja holding the purple chakra cube. Without hesitation, she kicked him hard in the neck, and the entire structure shattered like glass.

Inside, Orochimaru's eyes widened in shock as he saw her. His scowl deepened as he yelled, "Summoning: Reanimation!"

Three coffins began to rise from the ground, but Hiruzen, quick on his feet, managed to attack the third one, sending it crashing back into the earth before it could open.

The lids of the other two coffins creaked open, and two figures stepped out. One was clad in red armor, the other in blue. Both wore expressions of bewilderment.

"Brother," the one in red muttered, rubbing his forehead. "I thought I was dead."

"Same here," the one in blue replied. "This appears to be my own reanimation jutsu…"

Hiruzen's face darkened as he recognized them. "Orochimaru… what have you done?"

"Saru—"

"Oooh, Zombies, awesome." Naruto grinned slightly.

The one in blue, his eyes sharp and calculating, glanced around before his gaze fell on Naruto. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "2B?!"

Naruto, unfazed, struck a dramatic pose, her voice monotone as always. "Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage. Dattebayo."

The one in red blinked at her, then glanced over to his brother. "An Uzumaki, eh?" He grinned before his expression shifted into one of deep concern. He sighed heavily. "Is this some kind of new generation fashion?"

"Huh?"

The man in red pointed at her with a serious expression. "Why are you butt-naked, child?"

Naruto blinked once. Then twice. And then again, a bit slower, as if she was waiting for her brain to catch up with the situation. She quickly glanced down, and sure enough, she was completely, undeniably, and most horrifyingly butt-naked. The panic set in fast and hard. Her hands darted to cover herself, one across her chest and the other awkwardly cupping between her legs. She bent her knees slightly, trying to fold herself like some kind of weird, stiff pretzel, but it only made her look more ridiculous. She wiggled her thighs together, hoping that might help, but it didn't. Nothing helped.

"DATTEBAYO!" she muttered in disbelief, her face… blackening…? Uh… flushing with ink for probably the first time in her android life. A cold breeze she hadn't noticed before brushed against her exposed skin, and that was it—her body tensed like a spring. This was a full-blown crisis.

Thinking quickly—or as quickly as her brain allowed—Naruto made the hand signs with lightning speed and puffed out a dozen shadow clones. "There! Fixed!" she thought, relieved. Except... they were all naked too.

All the Narutos stared at each other in wide-eyed horror for a split second before they all erupted into synchronized, robotic screams. "Waaaaaahhh!"

The stadium echoed with the sound of a dozen robotic Narutos flailing in naked panic, their arms and legs flapping like malfunctioning wind-up toys. One clone tried to cover another clone, but that just made things worse because no one was covered, and it became this weird, naked human pyramid situation that was both completely useless and tragically hilarious.

Orochimaru, standing off to the side, was slowly losing his mind. His left eye twitched. "Will someone please shut her up?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Meanwhile, the reanimated Hokages were looking on in total confusion. Hashirama, the one with the long, flowing brown hair, tilted his head to the side like a curious puppy. "Tobirama," he muttered to his brother, "is she your grandchild or something? She kinda has your hair…"

Tobirama, the grumpy-looking white-haired brother, furrowed his brow. "That is my hair. I made 2B with a lot of things," he mumbled under his breath before faking a loud, deliberate cough. He straightened up, trying to regain his stern composure. "Ahem. It appears some crazy Uzumaki got 2B, at least they are better than the Uchiha. Anyways, back to business." His eyes shifted back to Orochimaru, clearly eager to move on. "What do you want?"

"I want this brat to shut up and obey me!" Orochimaru snapped, finally losing his patience. He quickly formed a hand sign, his frustration bubbling over. "Make her obey me!"

"Wait—!" Tobirama started, but it was too late. His eyes clouded over, and his hands weaved through the necessary hand signs with robotic precision. His movements were stiff and jerky, just like Naruto's.

Naruto, still tangled in her mess of naked clones, blinked in confusion. Hashirama, who was still trying to figure out what was happening, just scratched his head. Hiruzen, however, looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

Tobirama pointed his hand straight at Naruto and barked, "Seal!"

For a moment, there was total silence. Naruto, her clones, and everyone else just froze in place. For a moment, she forgot that she was naked. A tumbleweed practically rolled by.

Naruto glanced behind her, her stiff body still locked in that awkward, half-covered position, and then she cocked her head, genuinely perplexed. "Dattebayo?"

Orochimaru's eye twitched again. "Great," he muttered sarcastically. "Naruto Uzumaki, kill the Sandaime!"

Naruto blinked. Then, in a flash, she vanished from her spot, moving so fast it was like she hadn't even been there. She reappeared directly behind Hiruzen, the Third Hokage. Hiruzen tensed, his battle-hardened reflexes kicking in as he prepared to dodge the incoming attack, ready to defend himself.

But instead of an attack, all he got was a stiff, robotic "Boo," whispered awkwardly into his ear.

The whole arena fell into a deep, collective confusion. Orochimaru, the Hokages, the ANBU—everyone just stared at Naruto, their faces a mix of bewilderment and disbelief.

Naruto blinked slowly, her robotic expression never changing. "Hmm," she thought to herself. "I guess that joke wasn't good enough."

Orochimaru finally snapped, his voice shrill and full of fury. "Why isn't she listening to me?! Why isn't she killing him?!"

Naruto suddenly jerked into motion, moving like an actor in a bad high school play. She took a stiff step forward and swung her arm in a wide, exaggerated arc, missing Hiruzen by a mile. Her head twisted in jerky, mechanical movements, and she let out an awkward, monotone "Hiyah!" as she kicked the air about three feet to the left of where anyone was standing.

She started doing a weird, interpretive dance, flailing her arms dramatically, rolling her head around, and spinning in slow, awkward circles. Her naked clones, still gathered around, tried to copy her but were equally terrible at it. They all looked like malfunctioning robots trying to do taijutsu practise in zero gravity.

Hashirama, watching the spectacle, suddenly burst into deep, uncontrollable laughter. He doubled over, clutching his sides, tears streaming down his face. "She's— she's got a good sense of humor!" he wheezed, barely able to breathe between his guffaws.

Naruto stopped her odd performance for a moment, striking a 'cool' pose. "I aim to be Hokage after all. Dattebayo."

Hashirama, still laughing, nodded his head enthusiastically. "I bet you can be a great one!"

"I'll be the greatest Hokage, old man," Naruto replied, her robotic voice somehow managing to sound both confident and monotone at the same time.

Orochimaru's patience, already paper-thin, finally snapped. His face twisted in rage, his snake-like features contorting as he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Enough of this! Kill them! Kill them all!"

Without hesitation, Orochimaru formed another hand sign, and Hashirama's eyes went completely black. This time, he wasn't going to make the same mistake. He wasn't playing around anymore.

"Kill them all!" Orochimaru shrieked, his voice echoing through the arena. "All of them!"

As if on cue, both Hashirama and Tobirama snapped into action, their bodies moving like perfectly controlled marionettes. They began marching forward in unison, their eyes locked onto Hiruzen and Naruto.

The reanimated Hokages advanced with grim determination, their steps heavy and deliberate. Hiruzen braced himself, his face hardening as he prepared for the inevitable clash.

Naruto, for her part, just stood there. Still naked, still flanked by her naked clones, still not entirely sure what was going on.

The battle was about to begin.

And somewhere, in the back of Naruto's robotic mind, a single thought floated to the surface: "Maybe I should've worn that stupid black dress today. That Bastard's clan storage clothes are too low quality…"

Just as Naruto stood there, still trying to process the fact that she was about to fight the zombie Hokages while completely naked—and also trying to figure out exactly how her life had reached this absurd point—a sudden blur of motion caught her eye. In an instant, before she could even react, a white cloak was draped over her shoulders.

Naruto blinked, staring down at the loose ANBU cloak that now covered her body. It was long, flowing, and way too big, but it was clothes, and that was all that mattered right now. Her brain took a moment to catch up with what just happened. "Uh… Neko-san, your kindness is… um… most appreciated. Dattebayo."

She looked up at the source of the sudden rescue—none other than an ANBU operative with a cat mask and striking purple hair. The mysterious figure stood silently, her expression impossible to read behind the emotionless mask. It was a little unnerving, actually. Naruto was used to people looking at her funny or outright ignoring her, but this was different. The mask didn't budge, not even a hint of reaction. No eye-roll, no head-shake, no sigh of exasperation—just... blankness.

Naruto, who normally prided herself on being the master of deadpan expressions, actually felt a little creeped out. "Uh…" she mumbled, her usual bravado faltering for a second under the weight of the awkwardness.

Before Naruto could say anything else, the ANBU operative, Neko-san, disappeared in a blur of motion—reappearing just as quickly behind the Third Hokage, taking her position to guard the old man as if nothing had just happened.

Naruto blinked again. "Well, that's not unsettling at all…"

But there was no time to dwell on it. The air suddenly felt thicker, charged with the unmistakable weight of approaching battle. Naruto could feel it, that gut instinct that something big was coming.

And sure enough, the reanimated Hokages were on the move.

Tobirama, eyes black and lifeless, led the charge, his face set in an expression of cold determination. Hashirama followed, though there was something almost… apologetic in the way he moved, like he was marching to a fight he didn't really want to be part of.

But whether they wanted it or not, the fight was coming.

Naruto tightened the cloak around her shoulders, trying to mentally prepare herself for the chaos that was about to unfold. She glanced over at Hiruzen, who stood firm, his old battle-hardened face set in grim resolve. This was no joke. This was a fight for survival.

"Alright, you two ancient zombie dudes…" Naruto muttered under her breath as she crouched slightly, readying herself to move. "Let's see how cool I really am. Dattebayo."

And with that, the Hokages charged.

Chapter Text

Android VS Zombie: Final Half

Tobirama wasted no time. His body jerked into motion, hands flying into rapid seals as the air around him seemed to ripple with an almost unnatural speed. Within moments, water began to materialize in midair, twisting and coiling like a living serpent.

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!" he roared, voice mechanical, echoing in the space.

A massive, snarling dragon made of water surged forth, its eyes glowing with cold malice as it lunged straight for Hiruzen.

The old man, despite his age, was ready. His gnarled hands grasped the staff tightly, and with a fluid motion, he extended it, letting it grow into a massive pole, large enough to block the incoming attack. "Enma, extend!"

The dragon crashed against the staff with a deafening splash, water spraying everywhere. Hiruzen, standing his ground, pushed the attack away before weaving his own hand signs.

"Fire Style: Fire Dragon Jutsu!" The moment the fire dragon burst from his mouth, it roared to life, a fiery serpent spiraling through the air, colliding head-on with Tobirama's next torrent of water. Steam exploded everywhere, creating a thick, hot mist that swirled around the battlefield, making the area around them almost impossible to see through.

But while Hiruzen and Tobirama dueled, Naruto was in a battle of her own.

Hashirama, the First Hokage, one of the most powerful shinobi to have ever lived, stood across from her, his eyes glazed over with the same lifeless black hue as his brother's. But unlike Tobirama's precision, Hashirama moved with the grace of someone trying—and failing—to resist. His body jerked awkwardly as he swung his hand in her direction, sending a barrage of wooden spikes shooting from the ground at Naruto's feet.

"Oh, come on." Naruto yelped as she clumsily leapt to the side, nearly tripping over the overly large cloak that was still hanging awkwardly around her shoulders. One of the wooden spikes grazed her leg, ripping part of the cloak and leaving a shallow cut. "Ugh, seriously?"

As she jumped and dodged, Naruto pulled the cloak tighter around her, trying to keep herself decent as Hashirama's attacks continued. It was ridiculous—dodging the First Hokage's attacks while also playing a game of "keep Naruto covered"—but somehow, she was managing. Barely.

"Hey, uh, Grandpa Hashirama, or whatever!" Naruto called, leaping out of the way of another incoming tree branch. "Any tips on becoming a super cool Hokage?"

There was a brief flicker of emotion in Hashirama's lifeless eyes, like some part of him was still in there, fighting to regain control of his body. His mouth moved slightly, but it was Orochimaru's curse keeping him from answering properly. Still, in between the mindless grunts, Naruto swore she heard him mumble, "Cool...?"

Naruto spun around, narrowly dodging a vine that shot out from the ground. "Affirmative! You were like, the first Hokage, right? Super legendary and stuff! How do I—whoa—become cool like you?"

Hashirama, clearly still fighting the control Orochimaru had over him, jerked his head in what might have been a nod. "P-protect…" he managed to stutter between attacks, his hands trembling as he formed another seal.

"Wood Style: Deep Forest Emergence!"

Trees erupted from the ground, towering and massive, filling the arena in an instant. Huge branches swooped down, aiming for Naruto, who squeaked and scrambled to keep her cloak on as she dodged and weaved through the forest.

"Protect? That's it?" Naruto yelped, narrowly avoiding being flattened by a tree trunk. "That's all you've got? I thought there'd be, like, a secret handshake or something!"

Hashirama's wooden arms swung at her again, slower this time, and Naruto could feel him holding back. She jumped out of the way, but one of the branches caught the edge of her cloak, tugging it loose.

"Oh, no." Naruto gasped, grabbing at the cloak before it completely flew off, barely managing to pull it back over her shoulders. "This is a nightmare!"

But through the chaos, she could hear Hashirama grunt, "B-be…kind…"

Naruto blinked, momentarily thrown off by his words. "Kind?"

Hashirama's wooden arm shot forward again, but this time, Naruto didn't dodge. She stood her ground, cloak flapping dramatically in the wind (though still very much a disaster of a garment). She looked at the First Hokage, really looked at him. He wasn't just throwing attacks at her. He was trying to communicate—trying to break through Orochimaru's control.

"Be kind… and protect others…" he rasped, his voice strained.

Naruto's expression softened as she dodged yet another attack, this one half-hearted. "That's it, huh? Be kind and protect everyone? Seems kinda simple, but…" She grinned, hopping back and flipping mid-air to avoid another massive tree trunk. "Sounds like it works for me. Dattebayo."

Just as she landed, however, a massive root shot up from the ground, wrapping around her leg. "Ah, come on." Naruto struggled, pulling at the root with one hand while holding the cloak around her with the other. "Stupid trees, always messing things up."

Hashirama's face twitched again, his mouth forming the faintest of smiles, as if he approved of her determination. Despite Orochimaru's control, it seemed like the old Hokage was still in there, still fighting.

Naruto, seeing this, narrowed her eyes in determination. "Okay, old man, I get it. Be kind, protect others, and stay cool." She 'grinned'. "Now it's time for me to show you how I do things. Shadow Clone Jutsu."

In an instant, dozens of Naruto clones appeared, each one clad in the same oversized cloak. Together, they all started yanking at the wooden roots and branches, freeing the original Naruto from her bind.

"Alright, old man!" Naruto shouted, finally free and holding her Rasengan-ready hand high. "Let's end this before I lose any more dignity, okay?"

Hashirama's eyes flickered one last time, almost as if he was saying, "Good luck, kid."

With all the intensity of a dramatic movie trailer, Naruto charged forward, white hair bouncing against her neck and sapphire eyes gleaming like a pair of creepy, glowing lightbulbs in a dark alley. The Rasengan in her hand spun wildly, making a strange buzzing sound that could've been mistaken for a very angry vacuum cleaner. Her face, of course, remained completely blank. Emotions? Pfft, who needs those.

"Time to kick some zombie butt," Naruto said flatly, voice lacking any sort of heroic flair. It was like she was reading off a grocery list.

Ahead of her, Hashirama Senju—the First Hokage, the absolute legend of legends—stood there, looking less like a respected leader and more like a poorly animated puppet. His face twitched in confusion as Naruto sped toward him. Was she really going to try a head-on attack?

Oh yes, yes she was.

Naruto threw her Rasengan forward, the spiraling ball of chakra flying at Hashirama with all the grace of a drunken squirrel. Sadly for her, Hashirama was not a regular opponent. He was the 'First Hokage' for crying out loud, and he wasn't about to let some white-haired weirdo take him down that easily.

With a swift motion of his hands, Hashirama slapped the ground. "Wood Style: Forest Prison!" In an instant, gigantic trees erupted from the earth, their branches snapping around Naruto like a toddler's attempt at catching a frog.

"Ah, crap," Naruto muttered, completely deadpan as she found herself trapped inside a wooden prison. The branches curled tighter, ready to crush her like a particularly stubborn walnut.

Just as things were looking grim for our weird, robotic hero, Naruto did what any self-respecting ninja would do in her situation—she summoned a toad.

With a puff of smoke, a toad appeared in front of her. But instead of the hulking, badass toad warrior she had been expecting, there was… this. A tiny, wrinkly, green toad with a cloak that looked like it had been sewn together by someone with terrible fashion sense.

Naruto blinked. "Huh?" She stared at the toad. "How can a useless old toad like you help me against the zombie Hokage?"

The toad, blinking slowly like someone who just woke up from a 10-year nap, glared up at her. "Who are you calling useless and old? And who the heck are 'you'?"

Naruto, still imprisoned by giant trees, struck what was supposed to be a dramatic pose. Too bad it was more awkward than anything. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, your summoner slash master and the future Hokage."

The toad squinted. "Well, I'm Fukasaku, a toad elder from Mt. Myoboku. Now stop calling me old, you brat."

Naruto, still unfazed by her situation, glanced at the massive wooden walls around her. "So… can you help me against him?" She pointed lazily at Hashirama, who was getting ready to turn her into Naruto-flavored paste.

"Help you? You bet I can, kid!" Fukasaku puffed out his tiny chest (not that it made any difference to his size) and then, without missing a beat, started weaving through hand signs faster than a guy trying to order food in a busy drive-thru. "Toad Style: Blazing Oil!"

Suddenly, the tiny toad spit a stream of oil from his mouth, and with a loud 'boom', the wooden prison around Naruto burst open like a cheap piñata at a birthday party. Pieces of wood flew everywhere.

"Cool," Naruto remarked, still completely monotone, as if she had just seen someone casually juggle a couple of apples. She blinked slowly, her face showing exactly zero excitement.

Fukasaku hopped onto her shoulders, making himself at home. "I can sense it in you, kid. Natural Energy is flowin' through ya."

"The what now?" Naruto blinked again, lazily dodging one of Hashirama's wild attacks. Her oversized cloak flapped dramatically in the wind, momentarily revealing her pale skin in a way that made Fukasaku cringe.

"Focus on the energy around you!" Fukasaku urged, sounding like a martial arts master from one of those old cheesy movies. "You should be a natural at this, considering how weird you are!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Naruto muttered, flipping backward to avoid another of Hashirama's tree attacks. "But I guess I should level up my coolness." Because, clearly, she was 'all' about being cool.

Naruto closed her eyes, hopping backward, and tried to focus. For a moment, everything seemed calm… until she felt something strange. It was like the air around her was suddenly alive, buzzing with energy. It wasn't like chakra; it was more… earthy. Or maybe leafy? It was weird, whatever it was.

Fukasaku, perched on her shoulders like a tiny, angry bird, gasped. His tiny amphibian eyes widened as he saw black markings slowly snake their way around Naruto's eyes. They looked eerily similar to a certain Hokage's own sage form.

"Kid… what the heck? You've gone full Sage Mode!" Fukasaku's voice quivered with shock. "You've surpassed all the sages from the past! Second only to the Sage of the Six Paths!"

Naruto blinked her now gleaming jade eyes, with a horizontal slit running through them. "Oooh," she muttered in her usual flat tone. "I feel amazing. Dattebayo." She flexed her muscles, causing her cloak to fall open a bit, revealing more of her pale skin— her small frame chest, nipples and more. Fukasaku sighed in exasperation and quickly weaved through hand signs, summoning a red cloak with black flame designs that appeared over her.

Naruto blinked again. "Time to kick some zombie butt. Dattebayo." She attempted what she probably thought was a smirk but looked more like a stiff-lipped grimace.

Fukasaku hopped down from her shoulders, shaking his head in disbelief. "All right, Naruto girl. Go for it."

With an emotionless nod, Naruto turned back to the battlefield. "Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm!" she announced in a voice that sounded about as enthusiastic as someone ordering takeout.

The wind from Naruto's 'Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm' whipped through the battlefield, slicing towards Hashirama like an invisible buzzsaw. But of course, Hashirama wasn't called the First Hokage for nothing. With a casual flick of his hand, massive wooden walls shot up from the ground, shielding him like a dude who just realized he forgot his umbrella in the middle of a storm.

The wooden walls creaked and groaned under the pressure of Naruto's attack, but they held strong. Hashirama peeked over the edge of his wood creation, clearly unfazed. "Nice try," he muttered under his breath, brushing imaginary dust off his ancient Hokage robes, his reanimated face a mix of calm and 'annoyingly' superior.

Naruto blinked, staring at him with her wide, expressionless eyes. "Tch," she muttered in her signature flat tone, her white hair shimmering like some kind of futuristic ghost. With her sage mode activated, Naruto was more of a flash than anything else, darting around so quickly her white hair and red cloak made her look like some creepy phantom ninja... if phantoms had really good fashion sense.

Hashirama fired off more attacks—more giant trees, some extra sharp branches, a leaf or two for good measure—but Naruto was already gone, dodging everything with creepy precision. Her white hair flowed behind her, catching the light in a way that made her look like she was gliding, and that bright red sage cloak made her look like the weirdest, coolest blur ever. Meanwhile, her cloak only covered her torso and butt, leaving her limbs exposed, her creamy white skin causing several shinobi nearby to lose focus. And nosebleed.

"What the—" one of them muttered, mid-battle, almost dropping his kunai. "Did you see that?!"

Naruto's eyes narrowed—or, well, she 'tried' to narrow them, but her expression remained pretty much the same as always. "Stop staring, perverts," she said, her monotone voice somehow managing to sound both annoyed and robotic. Her face flushed with... ink? Yeah, that's right. Her face didn't blush—it kind of just smeared with black ink-like blotches as she awkwardly covered herself.

Before anyone could respond, Naruto raised her hands in the air. "Sage Art: Super Massive Rasengan!" Her voice remained as emotionless as ever, despite the massive golden chakra sphere that suddenly appeared above her head, swirling like a mini sun. She hurled it at Hashirama, the Rasengan crashing into him like a cannonball made of pure destruction. Hashirama's body disintegrated into a fine mist of dust and splinters.

For a moment, Naruto just stood there, blinking. "Huh," she said, sounding less impressed and more like someone who'd just successfully flipped a pancake for the first time.

But before she could revel in her creepy victory, Hashirama's body started reforming, bit by bit, from the scattered dust. "Oh great," Naruto mumbled flatly. "Here we go again."

From across the battlefield, Hiruzen—busy dealing with Tobirama while his ANBU squad darted around like ninja ants—yelled out, "Naruto! Defeating them is pointless! They'll just keep regenerating! We need to defeat Orochimaru!"

Naruto blinked, her head tilting slightly to the side like a confused puppy. "Who?"

A loud, irritated voice echoed across the battlefield. "Do you not even know my name?!" Orochimaru screeched, still holding a hand sign, his snake-like face contorting in outrage.

Naruto turned toward him. "Oh, you," she said, her voice flat and unimpressed as ever. Without another word, she disappeared in a blur, reappearing right in front of the snake Sannin so fast that Orochimaru's eyes bulged in shock.

Before Orochimaru could react, Naruto shoved a golden Rasengan—infused with natural energy—right up his 'you-know-where'.

Orochimaru's eyes widened, his whole body trembling. "W-what the—AGH!" He screamed, his usual creepy tone replaced by sheer agony. The force of the Rasengan effectively crippled him, and the hand sign he had been holding so confidently broke apart. His control over Hashirama and Tobirama began to crumble.

Tobirama, taking full advantage of Orochimaru's sudden... discomfort, weaved through a rapid series of hand signs, muttering something under his breath before finally breaking free from Orochimaru's control. Hashirama followed suit, their undead, puppet-like expressions slowly returning to their natural, more dignified selves.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru was still clutching his butt, his face twisted in pure agony. "Curse you, Uzumaki!" he shrieked, struggling to form a new hand sign with shaky fingers. "This isn't over—"

But before he could finish his dramatic villain monologue, Naruto—still as robotic as ever—shoved another Rasengan into his hands, causing his arms to disintegrate into nothingness.

Orochimaru's scream could probably be heard from the Hidden Sand Village. With one final, agonized yell as he disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Naruto blinked, staring at the empty space where Orochimaru had been. "Huh," she muttered, clearly not impressed. Then, in true Naruto fashion, she struck a dramatic pose. Her cloak flowed behind her like a hero out of a comic book, showcasing her creamy legs, exposed belly, and even a glimpse of her butt. "I'll be ready, dattebayo."

Just as she finished her dramatic proclamation, her sage mode began to fade, and with it, Fukasaku—the tiny, wrinkly toad elder—disappeared as well. Along with him, Naruto's bright red cloak evaporated into thin air.

Which would have been totally fine, if Naruto had been wearing... literally anything underneath.

But she wasn't.

Naruto blinked. Then she blinked again, staring down at her body, realizing with all the subtlety of a frying pan to the face that she was now standing completely, utterly, butt-naked. Again.

There was a moment of silence. A long, awkward moment where no one moved, no one spoke. And then, finally, Naruto—expression still blank as ever—opened her mouth.

And screamed. Robotically.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH."

Her scream was more like a monotone siren than an actual scream. It sounded almost mechanical, as if she had a button inside her that just said "scream" and someone had pressed it.

Hiruzen, still tired from his fight with Tobirama, finally sighed, rubbing his temples. "Can someone please get her some proper attire?" His voice was heavy with the kind of exhaustion only a lifelong career in leadership could bring. "Her form is… distracting."

Û~Û

Naruto, now standing perfectly still in the Hokage's office, looked… bizarrely elegant. Her neck-length white hair gleamed under the dim lights, and her glowing sapphire eyes stared straight ahead, like someone who had only read about the concept of blinking in a manual and decided it wasn't for her. She wore a frilly black dress that would've been right at home at a fancy ball—if that ball also involved hand-to-hand combat. The dress hugged her in all the right places, the long black gloves adding to her mysteriously robotic aura. And the black high heels? Yeah, those too. They clicked ominously on the wooden floor every time she shifted, which was never.

In front of her stood Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, looking more tired than usual. Beside him, the reanimated First and Second Hokages, Hashirama and Tobirama, were just chilling like this was a casual reunion and not, you know, a 'super unnatural' revival from the dead. Around them stood a handful of ANBU, the two elderly advisors, a bandaged old guy with enough red flags on him to be mistaken for a walking danger zone (yep, Danzo), and a few Jounin.

The atmosphere? Awkward. Like, seriously, you could've cut the tension with a kunai and served it for breakfast.

"So," Hiruzen began, rubbing his temples like he was about to dive into a migraine. "Orochimaru attacked the village with the help of the Sand. But the Sand didn't know they were being used, and now they owe us big time for not going to war with them."

Naruto stood motionless, her robotic expression unchanging. "Understood," she said flatly, like she was processing data instead of absorbing the information.

Hashirama, always the cheerful one, smiled. "Well, Hiruzen, you've done enough for this village. Seriously, you need a break. Maybe take up knitting or something."

Tobirama nodded, albeit less enthusiastically. "You've served long enough. You should step down."

Just then, the walking bundle of bad news—Danzo—decided to chirp in. "Well, if anyone's going to be the next Hokage, it should be me—"

Everyone, and I mean 'everyone', ignored him. It was like watching someone yell into a black hole and getting nothing back but silence.

Hiruzen, clearly on autopilot at this point, turned to Jiraiya, who was leaning casually against a wall. "Jiraiya, what do you think? How about you become the next Hokage?"

Jiraiya waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, no thanks. I've got research to do. Spy networks to maintain. Also, you know, the ladies." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Priorities."

Hiruzen sighed, the lines on his face deepening. "Then who?"

Danzo coughed again. Louder this time. Like he was trying to hack up an entire paragraph of self-promotion.

"Kakashi?" Asuma, who was standing by the Hatake, offered.

"Ma, ma," Kakashi muttered. "I am no Hokage material."

"Then, who?" One of the advisors asked.

Danzo coughed, but was ignored again.

Naruto, ever so robotically, raised her hand. "Isn't the choice obvious?"

Everyone turned to her.

With her usual eerie lack of expression, she straightened her back and proudly stated, "I defeated Zabuza and Haku. I kicked the reptilic butt of Orochimaru. I was cool. Really cool." Her sapphire eyes blinked exactly once, as if she'd practiced the timing. "In fact, I recall many kunoichi asking what kind of body lotion and soap I use." She gestured vaguely to her own creamy skin and 'killer figure'—the same one everyone had seen in its full, unclothed glory in the fight earlier. "It's an excellent body. Creamy, flawless, perfect. And everyone saw it... yikes."

Hashirama clapped his hands together, laughing heartily. "She's fun! Strong, too! Great sense of humor! And her Will of Fire is burning bright! She's Hokage material."

Tobirama, ever the party pooper, scowled. "No. She's still too immature."

Naruto's head snapped toward him with the speed of a poorly programmed AI. Her pout was more like a glitch in her usually static expression. "You're just being grumpy because you don't know how to have fun."

Tobirama folded his arms. "No, I'm being 'realistic.' 2B—I mean, you—were literally made to destroy all Uchiha if necessary. You can take down nations alone. But leading a village? That's another matter entirely."

Naruto tilted her head, her white hair barely moving with her robotic precision. "How foolish can you be?" she droned, her voice somehow managing to convey absolute boredom and mockery at the same time. "You think I can destroy nations but can't handle paperwork? Paperwork is just dead trees! And I 'destroy' trees. See the logic?"

Tobirama narrowed his eyes, unamused. "The village doesn't need a tree destroyer, it needs a leader who can make smart decisions."

Naruto's head tilted to the other side. "Smart? You think wearing that many layers of armor is smart? How many kunai do you think that's gonna stop? Two? Maybe three, tops."

Tobirama's eye twitched.

Danzo coughed again, this time sounding like he was trying to summon a lung. But, once again, no one paid him any heed.

Finally, Kakashi, who had been observing silently (probably trying to figure out how this entire scene got so bizarre so fast), spoke up. "What about Lady Tsunade? She's strong, a medical genius, and a Senju."

The two reanimated brothers blinked.

"No," they both said in unison.

"Why not?" Kakashi asked, his one visible eye narrowing.

Hashirama sighed dramatically. "She's… a gambler," he said, as if that alone explained the downfall of civilizations.

Tobirama nodded. "A Senju is always the best choice… but 'not' that one. But… I recommend her to be the next Hokage if there is no other candidates are available."

Suddenly, Tobirama walked over to Naruto, who stood there, blinking in confusion (or maybe just blinking because she could). He knelt down in front of her.

The room collectively gasped.

Naruto stared down at him, unflinching. "Are you about to propose? Because I need at least three rings. For date, I prefer Ichiraku's. Although, I am unsure about dating an old undead man."

Ignoring her comment, Tobirama lifted the hem of her skirt, revealing her toad boxers—prompting even louder gasps from everyone else. Naruto blinked in her typical dead-eyed way.

But Tobirama, being the least perverted person in this equation, wasn't about to do anything weird. He weaved through a series of complex hand signs, and with a shout of, "Seal!" a strange energy washed over Naruto.

Her eyes widened slightly—just slightly—as she felt a rush of power surge through her. "Huh. I feel awesome," she said in her flat tone. "Like I can finally 'level up' properly."

"I've released the AI limitations over you," Tobirama said, standing up and dusting off his hands. "Now you can level up like an actual human."

Naruto blinked once. "Thanks," she said awkwardly, clearly unsure how to handle the whole 'gratitude' thing.

Hashirama laughed again, clapping Naruto on the back with enough force to send a normal human through a wall. "I wish you the best of luck, Naruto! You're gonna be an even greater shinobi than me!"

Naruto nodded sagely. "Cool."

With that, Tobirama weaved through more hand signs, and the two reanimated Hokages began to dissolve into golden dust, disappearing back to wherever the dead go when they're done hanging out.

Naruto cocked her head. "What now?"

Hiruzen finally stood, his voice authoritative again as he tossed a flak jacket to Naruto. "Jounin Naruto Uzumaki, you are to accompany Jiraiya on a mission to retrieve Tsunade Senju and bring her back to the village, unharmed. This is an S-rank mission. Failure is not an option."

Naruto caught the jacket, staring at it with her usual blank expression. "Huh. I'm a Jounin now?" She 'grinned,' though it looked more like she was awkwardly practicing facial expressions. "An S-rank mission too? Awesome. Dattebayo."

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