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The villain had overwhelmed them. As a last ditch effort Izuku powered up his punch so the villain wouldn’t hit his already fallen friends. It would be a certain doom for them and he wasn’t going to accept it. As his fist hit with a near lightning speed he could feel his muscles spasm, the embers flicker and when the villain folded in two everything inside his head went dark.
Izuku landed, chest heaving, his shaky hand rising up to swipe his dirty face. He lifted his palm, looking at it, knowing that the last ember had gone out. It wouldn’t even be fair for himself to test it out, he knew it was gone. He had known for the past four years that there was a limit, but he had hoped it would be longer than this. He had preserved it, finished school and been a hero. Two years of hero work. He wasn’t going to cry.
He turned around to face the battlefield again as the police and a few heroes ran to chain up the beaten up villain. He saw his friends lying down, already a medical team working with them. He was glad Kacchan had been needed in another villain attack across the city. Just seeing him would’ve surely brought him into tears.
“Hero Deku! We need to check your injuries.”
Izuku turned around, plastering the best fake smile into his face he knew how to do. He’s been hiding his emotions for years after all. Nobody needed to see how weak he actually was.
“Thank you, but I’m fine! My shift is over anyway so I’ll deal with them myself. It’s only a few scratches anyway.”
The medical personnel seemed displeased, but Izuku didn’t give them time to retort. He started walking away, ready to just hole himself into his apartment and not come out for days. He would need to send his resignation letter to the agency, but he couldn’t do it right now. Not yet.
–
Izuku let his body soak into the hot water. Watching as the days grime and filth slowly dissipated into the water. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the door open and close, nor did he hear the usual ‘I’m home’ of his boyfriend. He only realized when the bathroom door opened up and he could hear the shaky breath.
“Answer when I come in dumbass. I heard you left without a check-up today and they asked me to fucking make sure you’re okay. Pain in the ass.”
Izuku hummed, but didn’t say anything right away. Somehow he had the feeling that as soon as he would open his mouth tears would start to fall freely. He didn’t want Kacchan to be worried or see him so weak. He didn’t want Kacchan to realize that this was the moment they couldn’t compete anymore. The rest of our lives was over.
Even the thought made Izuku want to run away. But without OFA he wouldn’t get far without Kacchan catching him. Best he could do was just smile, pretend everything was okay till there was an opportunity to do so. Maybe when Kacchan leaves for his shift tomorrow.
Izuku was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even realize Kacchan was now kneeling beside the bathtub, hand touching Izuku’s forehead.
“Where’s my welcome home, huh? If you have a concussion I swear to fucking God–”
“I’m fine Kacchan," Izuku muttered, his face sinking halfway into the water so he wouldn’t have to speak anymore. He could hear Kacchan scoff.
“You think after almost four years of dating you and fucking knowing you for way longer I wouldn’t know when you’re lying Izuku,” Kacchan’s brows were furrowed deep. Izuku didn’t want to look at him. The disappointment was coming and he wanted all the happiness to last at least for today. There was no way Kacchan would stay with him after he knew Izuku had lost his embers.
“Really Kacchan I’m fine.”
“Okay, prove it. Look me in the eye and say it again.”
Izuku took a deep breath. Of course Kacchan would be stubborn as usual. Just two words while looking Kacchan in the eye. He could do this. Simple thing. Clearly easier than most things he’d done during his 21 years of life.
Slowly he turned his head to face Kacchan. Instantly his breath hitched and he knew he couldn’t do this.
“I– I’m –" his lips wobbled, eyes stinging with incoming tears. He was so damn weak he wanted to just drown himself into the bathtub. His heart felt like it was going to break in two. This would probably be the last day he’d even see Kacchan. Why would the man ever stay after this? Izuku had killed Kacchan’s dream today.
Lost deep in thought again, the next thing Izuku knew was Kacchan was in the bath with him. In most of his hero suit, hugging him way too tight.
“You’re not fucking fine Izuku.”
Izuku wanted to shake Kacchan off. Wanted to just scream at him, kick and wail, but he sat still. Tears burned his eyes as they started to fall silently. It took almost a minute before a loud sob left his lips. Kacchan shouldn’t be hugging him like this. He didn’t deserve it. He was quirkless, a loser, nothing, not worth keeping around.
Izuku felt the strong arms around him, a soft kiss placed into his wet curls, before a chin rested on top of his head. Kacchan didn’t push him to talk. He never did. Kacchan was kind. Always so caring it made Izuku’s heart hurt so much more in the moment. Kacchan didn’t deserve this. He deserved someone strong, who could challenge him at the top.
–
Izuku had cried for what seemed like an hour. At some point Kacchan had lifted him off the bathtub, dried him and carried him into their living room sofa. Kacchan was in the kitchen making food, Izuku sitting down, blankly staring at the TV. Some show was running, but he didn’t really see or hear it. He felt empty. Mind latching on to the plan to pack his things in the afternoon when Kacchan would be at work and leaving somewhere. Until then he needed to not talk. Reassure Kacchan that he was fine and that he would talk about it later.
At some point Izuku was eating, but he had no recollection of ever getting up or starting eating. Yet there he was, chopsticks in his hand, piece of pork between them.
Next thing he knew he was escorted by Kacchan into their bedroom. It wasn’t even late yet, but Izuku was grateful. Sleeping was the only thing he wanted to do right now.
He removed his clothes as usual, doing the routine which was easy enough to do without even thinking. He was so lost in his mind he missed all of Kacchan’s little touches and worried looks.
When he was lying down the bed dipping down slightly beside him made him freeze. Soon a hand reached over him, pulling him close to a firm, warm chest. Instinctively Izuku nuzzled closer. At least he didn’t have to look at Kacchan like this. He could be selfish and sleep close to his boyfriend for one last time.
It was quiet for a while. Kacchan’s hand slowly moved against his back in soothing circles. Izuku hoped the silence would continue till they both drifted to sleep, but of course he was asking for too much. The next words from Kacchan’s lips were ones he heard every evening after all and he should’ve been ready for them. Yet he wasn’t.
“How’re the embers?”
That broke Izuku down instantly. Loud sobs echoing in the bedroom as his heart felt tight in his chest. He felt like he was going to die, bile rising to his throat. His heart squeezed into a tiny lump, ready to break and drop out of his chest. Kacchan would surely know what was up now. Since usually Izuku would just chuckle and tell him they were fine.
“Oh.”
Izuku could hear the strain in the other’s voice right away. This was the worst. He had never felt so miserable. Not even when he had failed to save.
“Izuku I’m— Fuck,” Kacchan’s breath hitched as he took a stronger hold of Izuku. “And I wasn’t there. Fuck Izuku. I’m so– I’m sorry.”
Izuku couldn’t stop crying. Why was Kacchan apologizing to him? It wasn’t his fault. What could he have done? He didn’t deserve to feel comforted, yet the words warmed him without permission.
“N-no,” Izuku wailed. “It’s– It’s me who should be s-sorry. I– Your dream– I– I can’t be by your side anymore.” Izuku tried to push Kacchan away, but his push was weak. Even the few hits he did against Kacchan’s chest only made the other hug him impossibly closer.
“Don’t say that,” Kacchan spoke into his hair. “We knew this would happen sooner or later. I just– Wanted to be there when it happened. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay Kacchan! I’m quirkless!”
“So what? You’re so much more than your quirk idiot,” Kacchan moved then, just enough so he could look Izuku in the eye. Izuku wasn’t ready for that. Still he lifted his gaze, ready to see the hurt and disappointment. Yet he didn’t see that. There was concern and love. God. How was there still love there?
“You’re allowed to be hurting, but remember all the plans you had after this. You can still do things. You’re strong. Fuck, to this day I haven’t been able to win against you in a quirkless brawl.” Kacchan’s smirk at that moment was everything. Oh . They had talked about the future, and Izuku had full plans. Teach at U.A.. They just had never talked about if Kacchan would stay, Izuku had always imagined he wouldn’t. What would be the point?
“But why would you– Why would you stay with me? I can’t give you what you wa–”
Izuku’s words were stopped by an angry look and a hand covering his mouth. “Shut the fuck up. Are you fucking serious right now?!”
Izuku couldn’t really answer. All he could do was look puzzled, unsure what had prompted Kacchan to get so angry.
“Fuck, you really are a fucking idiot,” Kacchan mumbled, “you fucking think I am with you because of your quirk, huh? It has fucking never been about One for All you clueless broccoli head.”
Izuku’s heart was beating so fast, eyes wide he looked at Kacchan whose expression was clearly pained. What was he saying? Wasn’t the whole rest of their lives about competing? About them being heroes together?
“K-kacchan I don’t understand.”
“Fuck! What the hell Izuku,” Kacchan yelled, clearly frustrated. “I’m in love with YOU. Not your quirk. Holy fucking shit. Is my quirk the only thing keeping you around too, huh?!”
Izuku could feel his heart swell almost tenfold. Tears falling again, but now for an entirely different reason. Kacchan loved him. Oh God. He’d had it all wrong for years. He had been sure every day that it all would come to an end once he was quirkless again.
“K-Kacchan,” Izuku wailed, eyes full of tears. “I- Of course not! I– I love Kacchan for Kacchan. Kacchan could be quirkless for all I care!”
Finally Kacchan’s face softened, his hand placed on Izuku’s cheek, gently wiping away the constantly falling tears. He couldn’t believe Izuku was still such an overthinker, but he still missed the most obvious things. He should really be angry for the man to think he was only there because of One for All. But he really couldn’t be mad. This was Izuku. Izuku and his stupid over analytical mind.
“See? It’s the same for me. Cry baby,” Kacchan hummed as he kissed Izuku’s forehead, slow and affectionate.
Izuku didn’t know what to say. Maybe nothing needed to be said. He just let his tears fall as Kacchan hugged him, kissed him slowly and soothed him with his warm palm.
“You’ll always have me,” Kacchan continued after a while. “You can be sad as long as you need. I know it’s hard. But I’ll be here. I’ll go with you to the agency and to the U.A. to talk about the job. I’ll be there. Every step of the way.”
Izuku sniffled, his tears slowly dying down. Kacchan was so kind. Oh so kind. And Izuku would have him. Even the thought almost made him cry again, but he was all dried up for today. He left out a shaky breath, looking up at Kacchan’s eyes.
“For the rest of our lives,” Izuku whispered, eyes full of love.
“For the rest of our lives,” Kacchan answered, leaning closer to kiss Izuku gently. He had not always been there, but he was now, had been for years. And he would be in the future.
And if it was up to him, Izuku would be a hero again. It would take years, but he wasn’t giving up. He’d do everything in his power to see Izuku smile. And if it meant a little gray area with lying, keeping a secret savings account among other things, he’d do it. Mei, Melissa, All Might, even the whole of Class A keeping the secret too. As long as it would end with Izuku smiling and getting to live his dream. It would be worth it.