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If there was one thing you needed to know about Arizona Robbins, it would be that she does not fall in love. Point blank. In fact, she made it her mission not to. Every weekend she would have a new girl in her bed moaning her name and digging their fingers into her back. And it felt wonderful.
She never let them reciprocate though.
That was too intimate. And she was trying to actively avoid intimacy.
So she would kick them out after they got off. Or maybe after the fourth round, if she felt like it. Was it mean? Sure. Did it work for her? Absolutely.
So when she saw a pretty black haired ortho surgeon in a bathroom crying, she didn’t think much of it. Kiss a pretty girl, fuck a pretty girl, kick them out, repeat.
Then she found out that Calliope had only dated one girl before her, which could only mean one thing: she would get attached. That was not the plan.
Neither was Callie’s face when she rejected her. Arizona felt a sting dangerously close to where her heart was.
And so, cold hearted Arizona Robbins fell in love.
She still isn’t entirely sure when it happened as she is sitting on a bench in front of the courthouse, too busy fighting her wife over who would get to keep their daughter to think about love.
Maybe it was after their first time, where Arizona had attempted to eat Callie out for the fifth time in a row but Callie stopped her, whispering if she was okay. Arizona had looked up at her from between her legs and frowned. “I don’t want to do this if it isn’t good for you, Arizona.” Callie had said, soft voice and a post climax smile brightening her face. Arizona had shrugged, saying something about this being her shtick.
“Come up here,” Callie replied. So she did. They had kissed for what felt like eternity before she felt Callie’s hand slide down her body and into her pyjama shorts.
She’d looked at her, eyes vulnerable and nearly teared up from all the love she saw. She was so soft, so gentle. “Do you trust me?” Callie had whispered, her other hand cupping Arizona’s face. And Arizona had nodded. Because she did.
When recalling the story to Teddy, Arizona swore she saw stars as Callie finally touched her, making her come to the most intense climax of her entire life. It was almost like turning on a record player after decades of use; you never know what you have been missing until you have it.
Maybe it was when she had decided she would get over her fear of having children for Callie. Arizona’s policy of not falling in love extended to kids. Somewhere early on in her life she had seen her mother get a miscarriage, and swore to herself she would never ever get objected to that kind of pain.
Until it had become a dealbreaker for Callie.
After getting over her initial ego, all Arizona felt was empty. And then there was a shooter, and he was right in front of Callie and oh god, she could have died. Arizona decided the pain was worth it as long as she had Callie by her side always. So she had told her they would have 10 kids, and they kissed and Arizona’s world got filled with sunshine and happy tunes.
It was definitely far before she actually said the words out loud, right after losing Wallace.
The feeling only got stronger after seeing their baby girls smile for the first time in the NICU. She had gotten so, so close to losing both of them and the thought of that scared her far more than she would ever admit.
She felt about ready to burst of love when she finally, finally, got married to the love of her life. Her Calliope, choosing to spend the rest of her life with her. They danced all night, first on the dance floor, then in between their bedsheets, a quiet sense of tranquillity washing over both of them.
But then the plane crash happened. Arizona was a shell of the person she knew herself to be, devoid of any real emotion except for the crushing pain of losing her leg and the promise of a future with it. No more taking Sofia to the park, learning her how to skate, participating in parent races. How would she provide a good life for her daughter if she could not even be there for her in every way possible? She’d be a bad mother.
And yet, that part of her that had gotten too comfortable, too selfish in her time together with Callie was screaming for her to fight. To not give up her daughter, no matter what. Everyday, without fail, she would wake up in a cold sweat, dreaming about tiny coffins and planes and marines. She would sigh, put on her prosthetic and muster up the biggest smile possible to go and face her daughter.
At first, she would wake Callie as well, kissing her softly before dropping Sofia off and heading to work. And then, after the worst decision of her life, alone. She would prepare the assignments they had to do for their therapy session, grab a coffee and head out. Then after that, nothing. She would wake Sofia when she was at hers, and when she wasn’t she would sob in the bathroom while brushing her teeth, thinking of her wife and her kid together with the redhead she couldn’t bring herself to hate.
How much times had changed from that first kiss. Arizona nearly chuckled to herself, looking over her shoulder at the looming building behind her. So much had been broken in there, so much of her trust abused and used against her. She was desperately trying to hold onto the only part of Callie she could have, but it was all slipping right through her fingers.
Soon, she would lose her wife and her baby. She was officially a broken melody scratched off an old vinyl. The song playing in her life was suddenly cut off, and she had to start living her next life. Without her ending.
And so, Arizona took a deep breath, smoothed her blouse, made her way back to the court room and swore to herself she would never fall in love again. Not like she did with Callie.