Chapter Text
It was safe to say that Xiao was having a rather unexpected encounter with the 77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. An invitation to join a banquet after the Lantern Rite, which the latter organized in order to celebrate with friends and acquaintances? The yaksha failed to hide her irritation as she tried to turn down the lively girl's offer, which seemed nearly impossible. Xiao didn't have any personal relation with Hu Tao at all, so why was she being troubled?
“Hmm.. if we consider that the yaksha used to perform funeral rites alongside my ancestors, we could be the bestest buddies!!”
The heavy amount of karma she took upon at the Chasm had affected her badly ever after, so Xiao wasn't too pleased to partake in conversation at the present. It was no secret that the adeptus wasn't one to engage or socialize with humans, but during unbearable spurts of karma it was nearly dangerous to mess with Xiao.
With crossed arms and a cold gaze fixed at Hu Tao, she stood atop the roof of the big bird nest dedicated to her, keeping a great distance from the young director invading her privacy.
“Such is no longer the case. The yaksha you talk about perished long ago. Now, cease disturbing the peace of this Inn.”
Hu Tao started to giggle as Xiao was done talking, clearly amused and seemingly not offended by the latter’s frigid essence.
Xiao's eyebrow twitched at the reaction as her agitation built up even further, not to mention the nagging tune in the back of her mind cursing the human for bringing up her fallen comrades for such trivial matters.
“Heheh, you are quite the amusing interlocutor, Xiangmo Dasheng! I firmly believe that we would get along very well if only you wouldn't try to push me away!”
Why still listen to a brat when you have duties to fulfill? Lantern Rite is approaching, so you must keep Liyue safe! Stop being idle!
A throbbing pain spread within her head as the voice spoke distinct words, an alarming reminder of her receding mental wellbeing. It wasn't like she despised the young director, in truth it was quite the contrary; Xiao did think that her nature was humorous and her spirit free, but what she was infuriated at was how she failed to keep her karmic debt at bay, which lead to her being unkind to Hu Tao.
Being tormented over and over again, by the very reason she was now standing all alone as a yaksha, the guilt of being the sole survivor of an illuminated clan; how pathetic it was, that she wasn't able to beat her own demons. The voices mumbling, screaming, speaking incoherent nothings to her were the same as the remnants of foes re-emerging to take revenge as she purged their souls.
The guardian's patience was running thin as she tried to find words not too harsh yet not inviting for further conversation with Hu Tao. A frustrated sigh was hard to suppress as she placed her hand on the mask attached to her hip, ready to conceal her face behind it.
“You're seemingly not aware of how harmful it is for a mortal to be around me. If you don't wish to be consumed by madness, stay far away from me.”
Turning her back to Hu Tao, Xiao was ready to teleport her exhausted body away from the situation, “I must decline your invitation, young director. Have safe travels.”
An obviously staged whine left Hu Tao, possibly because she took note of Xiao's intentions. She probed in her characteristic loud voice, “How unfortunate, my friends and especially our consultant would have loved to meet you..”
The adeptus stopped in her tracks and balled her hands into fists, shutting down the desire to go to the banquet at the mere mention of her lord.
How foolish you are, getting all soft now! Did you forget how she left you all alone with no purpose? Didn't you feel the crush of your soul as she told you there was no contract between the both of you anymore?!
With the mask already guarding her face, her heart stinging with denied anticipation, Xiao looked back to give Hu Tao a final answer.
“Send all of them my regards.”
In a flash of blackish green smoke, the yaksha disappeared.
The young director stood all alone at the highest floor of Wangshu Inn now, disappointed but not too surprised with the outcome of events.
***
Gusts of air washed over the clefts and mines of Liyue’s closed off area, a distant hum of geo quivering through the earth. Wandering clouds gave a momentary shadow over the scenery until sunbeams pierced through and warmed the mountains, but never reaching the great pit at the heart of the location.
To Liyue citizens, the Chasm is a dangerous zone which just gradually reopened for mine workers; no one else is able to trespass the area, because of the unknown dangers lurking in every corner. But to Xiao, it became a clandestine place of respite where she could dwell in with little to disturb her. Here, she was able to rest among various forms of rock and feel the resonance of earth vibrating beneath her slack body, lulling her to sleep and waking her with a clear state of mind. The yaksha was able to worship her god’s statue of seven with no one around to watch, though her devotion was no secret or anything to be ashamed of; she was a proud subordinate to Yanwang Dijun, but she would rather perform her prayers in solitude than with unwanted attention. Sometimes she would get carried away as she kowtowed in front of carved stone, reveling in the salutary energy of the god she pledged an everlasting oath to.
As of now, she planned to visit it after another day of conquering evil that disrupted the peace of Liyue. Xiao scanned the area with dull senses atop the Cinnabar Cliff to make sure no invaders were missed, intending to jump to the nearest peak towards the statue, as she had too little energy left to teleport. Just as she got ready to crouch down, her vision blurred for a split second and she slipped off the cliff's edge, falling sooner than she prepared to.
The air boomed in her ears as she fell, feeling too lightheaded to call upon her anemo powers; yet in the right moment, her survival instincts activated as she used her jade spear to plunge. As the brunt on the hard ground was too fierce, the guardian wasn’t able to keep her balance and immediately fell on her back, weapon slipping a small distance away from her. Xiao hissed in pain as a vertebrae fractured at the force, leaving her to lay stiffened up on the ground as she choked on her breaths. The warm sun blanketed her sore body as she coughed bits of blood, her lung torn after the impact.
Her bleary eyes failed to stay open as she kept drifting in and out of consciousness, the bitter taste of blood in her mouth overstimulating her senses, yet she still swallowed down the sickening feeling in hope to make it pass faster. All the yaksha was able to hear were the distant chirps of fellow birds giving her something to concentrate on, pushing her thoughts to the incident from a few days ago.
It was very odd, she thought to herself. Due to karma, Xiao experienced hallucinations where she fought an image of herself, but she somehow ended up on a sickbed where a green haired physician with a snake took care of her. Of course she didn‘t allow herself to stay and escaped to the bustling Harbor, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar masses of humans. As if it all wasn‘t strange enough, an elderly man offered her rice wine at his little granddaughter‘s request, making the vigilant yaksha tipsy enough to consider taking a small rest within her personal chambers. Xiao even turned down a familiar bard‘s offer to share a drink together.
That was a bizarre yet somehow enthralling experience, even if she wouldn't admit it aloud. But now was like any other day; Xiao was on her own as her existence was merely a legend to many, being the unknown adeptus she was.
***
With tottering steps, she dragged her wounded frame towards the Statue of Morax at a lower surface. Her foresight was as vague as before she drifted away, apparently not out of her muddlement yet. It seems like the whirr of geo energy didn't calm the yaksha’s state of mind this time. The fracture in her thoracic spine sent piercing shocks up to her brain, breath hitching every time her nerves jammed. Xiao used her jade spear as a supporting crutch so she won't fall again, giving it a different purpose other than killing enemies.
With the cold moonlight lighting up the path for her, she slowly but surely reached her destination. Now, the yaksha stood at the foot of the statue, staring up to the indiscernible sculpted form of her god. Anyone else would seek the one they wish to see face to face instead of going to a monument in the shape of them, but Xiao would rather succumb to karmic debt than burden Yanwang Dijun with her current condition.
Xiao definitely went through far worse hardships, but right now she was truly worn out; broken bones, wounds all over her body, blood in her trachea and on her clothes, the voices not allowing her to rest. She did believe that it was her fate from all the innocent lives she had no choice but to take in her past life, yet she couldn‘t help feeling exhausted from it all.
As if in a trance, she climbed the base of the statue up to its top, kneeling directly in front of Morax's carving despite the unbearable pain she felt. Xiao's eyes wandered over the finest details, etching every minutiae into her skull as if she won't be able to ever witness again; but when it came to its face, she was rather reluctant to straightly look at it.
Emotions which were hard to restrain almost bursted out of her heart whenever she dared to admire the face, which wasn‘t as detailed as the statue's rest, but her imagination filled the gaps nonetheless. It was as if fireflies were trapped inside her body, trying to get out and find their freedom in every corner, causing chaos during the process. They would nestle up to the crown of her head and down her extremities, enveloping Xiao‘s entire body with a warmth she dares not to name.
Oh, how she wished to be at her lord's feet, to rest her head atop Yanwang Dijun‘s lap, who in turn gently combs out the knots of teal hair and muse about the endless topics she bears seemingly unlimited knowledge of. Xiao would never even dare to consider asking her god to grant this selfish wish, since it was improper to desire closeness of this extent to a higher being. She couldn‘t possibly ask for more than what she deserved, could she?
Besides that, the geo archon didn‘t even allow the adepti to prostrate for her, since she saw them more as equals rather than her underlings. Well, Xiao was more of a subordinate rather than a companion anyways-
Why would a wretched monster like you indulge such reveries?! How could you forget the way she tossed you aside?
You are so useless now. Dijun doesn't need you anymore!
Look how pathetic you are!
Xiao grabbed fists of teal hair in an attempt to stop the dull pain which won't cease the ominous whispers from echoing through her mind; it felt as if a blade had plunged into her synapses, sharp sting spreading from the back of her head.
Karmic debt had been harder to bear ever since the mission at the Chasm. She had taken upon heavy amounts of it in order to save the troupe that accompanied her, as the adeptus intended to sacrifice herself and bring an end to the line of the yaksha. Xiao didn't expect to leave the Chasm alive from the beginning on, it was all planned on her behalf if such a situation would end up occurring.
But in that last, fateful moment, she decided to save her.
Or did she doom her?
Xiao firmly believes it was the latter, because she truly couldn‘t bear the torment anymore. There was seemingly nothing that could ease her spirit; no meditation, no rest, not even the statue
of her god which usually soothed her mind– all of the methods she used for so long were rendered pointless now.
Perhaps, this was the punishment for disobeying Yanwang Dijun's will, since she never wished for Xiao to venture the Chasm in the first place, even if it was the only thing she ever dared to ask of her lord. The geo archon stepped down from her divine seat a while ago, no longer in position of giving orders or receiving reports, yet it won’t ever change her history as the god of contracts, nor does it change the loyalty she will receive from Xiao still.
The moment Xiao found out about her lord's death being staged, she felt pure anger for all the tears she had shed in silence, for believing that her god was gone forever. The grief was all consuming and determined her to follow Yanwang Dijun to the afterlife, seeing no reason to exist without the presence of the geo archon.
It‘s not like Xiao couldn‘t ascertain why Yanwang Dijun would retire; the latter had great responsibilities to bear and shouldered many things on her own, rarely allowing anyone else's help much like herself, yet the yaksha couldn‘t help but feel abandoned by her god. The yaksha knew for sure that it wasn‘t only the karma's influence making her feel this frustration, it came from the depths of her soul.
Despite knowing that her god didn‘t need her service anymore, Xiao doesn't know any better ways to show her devotion outside of executing her sworn duty. Her gratefulness towards the geo archon is eternal, so she will stay loyal to her savior; no matter if dead, retired or alive.
It undeniably left her with a feeling of emptiness, but was there anything else left for her to do? If it was Xiao's foreseeable fate to die in a sacrifice, in service of her dearest god, wouldn‘t anyone else wish to do the same if they'd be in her footsteps?
The place you once had has been taken away from you.
What are you still fighting for?
Countless thoughts swarmed inside her mind as her limbs spasmed like small shocks of lightning hitting her skin. Xiao clutched onto the sculpted leg of her lord, the only thing keeping her form stable for now.
Don't touch her! Your hands are filthy!
How dare you taint the beauty of her majesty?!
An overstrained noise left her lips, “Enough... please stop, it's enough...”
At moments like these she couldn't help but think of the yaksha long gone, who all went through the same pain as her now, or possibly even worse. Xiao didn't tolerate receiving pity for the pain she and her comrades endured as they proudly executed their duty with reverence, but now an indescribable mournfulness took over; because now she knew just how grievous her friends felt before insanity consumed them whole.
Though, there was a difference between her and the other yaksha; as Jinpeng, she is the sustaining yaksha not swayed by the grudges of fallen foes, slaying them with no malice but bloodlust in her heart.
But as Xiao, she is an adeptus who went through great miseries, yet oh so gladly gives her life to conquer evil in order to serve the god she is awfully smitten with.
This identity shaped her existence for the past few millennia. Now, she felt her mask crumble slowly, everything which Yanwang Dijun gave her life a meaning to becoming futile. Surely, it was because of the karma wearing her bones down, or the annulment of the ancient contract giving her an unstable sense of identity. Even the emotions she felt towards her lord were uncertain and all over the place– Xiao never planned to leave her side, but rather follow her will until the end of time..
If she wouldn't have acted against Celestia's orders, the yaksha wouldn't experience this dilemma. Of course, she tried to be as grateful as when the geo archon liberated her from her former master’s dominion, but something within her was resisting.
Perhaps, she outlived her purpose to die for it now. Her death would be insignificant then; but even so, why did living feel insignificant, too?
What was a mere devotee without a god to worship, or rather, when their god no longer operated as a sovereign?
It was horrible. It felt agonizing.
All this reverence, the desire to be a meritorious follower, with no one to kowtow for.
All this affection, this fondness, which flows into the endless abyss…
It all didn‘t matter anymore.
Yet, this all was the only thing occupying her mind as of late.
When she started to feel her legs becoming numb, the guardian gathered enough courage to lift her head in order to glimpse at the cold, void face of the sculpture. The chaos within her mind
stilled for just a single moment, as light words sounded from her dry throat.
“You live as a human now.. and there is no place for me in your life anymore.“