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“I’m saying I'm in love with you Iwa-chan, let’s go out !” Tooru says, with an assured voice that Hajime knows all too well. It’s the same voice that his best friend uses anytime he has one of his so-called “genius ideas”.
“Iwa chan, let’s domesticate the bugs in my garden !” “Iwa chan, we should build our own time travel machine to see if aliens do take over the earth in the future!” “Iwa chan, we definitely should get into the volleyball team!”
Each and every time that Tooru had one of those ideas, Hajime knew he was screwed. Mostly because Tooru wouldn’t shut up until he went through with them, but also because deep down, he knew that he would always do it alongside his best friend.
He knew that, no matter what Tooru asked of him, he would try his best to give him exactly what he wanted, which is probably one of the scariest things he’s ever experienced ; like he himself didn’t really know how far he was willing to go to make Tooru happy.
But the truth is, Hajime never, ever, wished he had it any other way.
He liked following Tooru through whatever phase he was in at the moment, he liked how it made him know more about his best friend but also about himself.
Because after all, he never would’ve even thought of playing volleyball if it wasn’t for Tooru and his ideas, and now he can’t imagine a life where he never experienced the feeling of being on the court with the rest of the Seijoh team, celebrating because they just won a game they worked endlessly for.
That’s why, when they were walking home from school like they had done a million times already, when Tooru, cheeks slightly flushed from practice but hair still annoyingly perfect (which left Hajime wanting to run is hand through them on multiple occasions), suddenly stopped, their fingers still intertwined, and uttered those very words, Hajime knew he was fucked.
Because in 15 years of being Tooru’s best friend, Hajime never suspected that at some point he’d be the subject of one of his friend’s genius ideas, and he wasn’t fucking having it.
“Shut up.” Hajime simply says, still chewing on an energy bar gifted by Kyoutani, one of his overly admirative juniors.
“What ?! This is a very important moment we’re having right now, Iwa-chan ! Dare I say, this is a pivotal moment for our friendship.” Despite the obviously irritated look on Hajime’s face, Tooru went on. “So I’d appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like I- “
“No, you stop !” Hajime's voice came out a little more aggressive than he wanted, but he frankly didn’t care. “Look, I don’t know how this stupid idea popped into your stupid head or where you plan to go with this, but I’m not getting involved, get it, stupid?”
“Is stupid the only insult you know ?” Tooru sounded rather amused, which seemed to make Hajime even more pissed. So, to avoid getting hurt (because, after so many years of friendship, Tooru knew better than to make Hajime mad) he decided to elaborate. “I’m not saying I'm in love with you as in ‘let’s get married once we graduate and have two kids, a house and a car.’”
Hajime instantly felt his face getting hot, then even hotter because he found his reaction to the idea of him and Tooru (and, apparently, their two kids) living together embarrassing. And, in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his embarrassment, he let go of Tooru’s hands, its warmth still lingering between his fingers.
It’s not like it’s his first time thinking about that kind of thing either, because, ever since the topic of dating became frequent in his household, Hajime never really imagined being with anyone other than the person he’s been with since forever, his best friend.
But, because he’s not a complete idiot, Hajime knew that as they grow older, he and Tooru would have to get used to being apart, since friends who meet as kids and live together for the rest of their lives aren’t really the norm.
He knew that already, but every time someone would ask him about his type, the kind of life he imagined for himself and his future partner, or just anything dating-related, Hajime could not stop picturing Tooru’s stupidly-perfect face.
The horrible but weirdly attractive bed hair he wakes up with, the fifteen minutes of quiet in the morning before he returns to his overly talkative persona, the excited look on his face when he’s about to eat his favorite food, the passion that burn through his eyes whenever he’s playing or watching volleyball, the endearing way he takes care of his nephew; Hajime don't really mean to think about that when he’s asked about his future, but the idea of a loving relationship is so tied to the image of Tooru in his head that he can’t seem to think about anything else.
And for some reason, it just feels right.Because who else is going to know him like Tooru ? At what point will he meet someone else with whom he can spend more than half a day without feeling drained ?
It wasn’t that love hit him hard, in an unforgettable way like it does in the movies. In fact, he could not even recall the day he fell in love with his best friend (which, said best friend would most likely think is cruel but, oh well).
Instead, his love for Tooru grew quietly, until he woke up one day and was unable to ignore it.
Sometime between practices and sleepovers, long felt conversations about the future and what was already behind them, Hajime fell in love with Tooru. But as their lives went on, Hajime noticed how everything was still sort of…ordinary.
Sure, he did feel a bit more tense whenever Tooru got his face too close to his, or when they would sit in silence on the bus home from matches while Tooru, humming a song that only Hajime could hear, had his head on Hajime’s shoulder and was probably listening to fast pace of his beating heart.
Of course, the tightness of his chest did not stop him from craving this proximity at all times.
But their dynamic never really changed, Tooru still acted like the egocentric bastard he is, and Hajime made it a point to never let his love distract him from how much of an asshole Oikawa Tooru is.
“Oh my god, did you just picture us living together, is that why you’re suddenly blushing ?” Tooru says, chuckling. “Fuck, you’re such a loser it’s not even funny anymore !” Which apparently was a lie because Tooru’s laughter only grew louder.
“I’m not even-shut up !” Hajime argues while punching Tooru on the shoulder in an umpteenth attempt to hide his embarrassment. And, like always, Hajime’s anger made Tooru laugh even harder, dramatically holding his stomach as Hajime raged.
“What I’m saying is, we know each other better than anyone else.” Tooru says, slowly regaining his focus.
Hajime sighs.
They really, really do.
“And since we know each other so well, there’s no need to go through the awkward let's-get-to-know-each-other phase of the relationship !” Tooru announces in a cheerful tone, like this is the most logical thing to ever come out of his mouth. “Plus,” he adds, “everyone already thinks that we’re together anyway, so we might as well-”
“Everyone ?” Hajime asks while mentally cursing himself for only reacting to this specific part, making it seem like he somehow agrees with everything Tooru said prior to that. “Who’s everyone ?”
As much as Tooru was pissing him off right now, he was curious to know how their relationship was perceived by others.
Of course, he knew the gist of it ; that everybody was a little amused by their closeness, given how different they are but also (and Tooru would probably try to argue with this one) that they felt sorry for Hajime who had to deal with Tooru’s bullshit on a daily basis. But still, he had no idea that they were people who actually thought they were a couple.
“Everyone !” He declares, while dramatically throwing his hands in the air. “Our moms, Makki, Mattsun, Tobio and that ginger boyfriend of his, Ushiwaka…”
“Why the fuck would Ushiwaka think we’re together ?!” Hajime asks, dumbfounded.
“I’m not sure…” He answers, while adjusting the handle of his bag that was falling off his shoulder. “but the last time we played against him he did ask me if our romantic feelings for each other had any positive influence in our performance as teammates or if we viewed it as two separate things so…”
“Our romantic feelings for each other…” Hajime, suddenly feeling dizzy, stopped facing his friend to sit on the bench beside him.
This is so fucked up.
Tooru, who turned around and was now standing in front of Hajime, frowned.
“Look, Oikawa,” Hajime tried his best to sound calm, because he was either bringing Tooru to his senses in a civil way or leaving altogether.
"I might not be the most romantic guy on earth, but I’m certainly not going to be with you just because you’re a control freak who thinks that I’m the more logical, manageable solution to your little dating problems."
“Excuse you ?! I do not have dating problems!” Tooru argues, visibly offended. “Yes, I might have had a few disagreements with my ex-girlfriends which led to us breaking up, but it has nothing to do with my dating skills !”
“Whatever man, I’m going home.” Hajime simply says while getting up before grabbing his bag.
Thinking he could have a normal, calm conversation with this idiot was a mistake anyway.
“You know Iwa-chan, considering we’ve been friends for most of our lives, I find your answer to my confession utterly mean.” Tooru says, arms crossed, with an accusatory look on his face.
“This wasn’t a fucking confession!” Hajime snaps. “This was you wanting to settle for the safe choice like we’re both rich parties in the 1800!” Hajime suddenly gets closer to Tooru, who was now able to hear his fast, shallow breathing.“You seriously think that if you were to confess to me for real I wouldn’t care ? Do you really, genuinely think that ?”
“Well,” Tooru takes a step back in an attempt to ease the tension. “I said ‘I love you’ and ‘let’s go out’, that seemed pretty real to me !” Tooru spits.
“Don’t be a smart ass !” He shouts. “What you really meant was: ‘Everyone including myself is used to the idea of us being together, so we might as well be a couple!’”
Now was probably not the best moment to practice, but Hajime felt like his imitation of Tooru’s generic voice was better than ever.
“Yeah ?! So what, is the idea of us being a couple that upsetting to you ?!” Tooru asks, visibly bitter.
“Obviously not, but if we’re going to be a couple, I want it to be because you love me at least as much as I love you ! Not because it’s practical for you, you dumbass!” Hajime yells, desperate for this fight to end.
It’s not the first time that Tooru feels like time has stopped, in fact, it happens at the end of every important match he plays.
His explanation for this phenomenon is that it’s his brain’s way of telling him that the moment he’s living is important and that he should use those additional seconds to take it all in.
And in that exact moment, he knew perfectly well how much this moment was going to mean to him and was overly grateful for those seconds.
“Oh…” Tooru simply says, while slowly sitting down at a safe distance from his best friend. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Hajime answers while rubbing his eyes. He was definitely not ready to have this conversation.
In the numerous times Hajime imagined confessing to Tooru, he always envisioned a calm conversation where he would explain in great detail how he feels about his friends, get all of his bottled up feelings out of his system, get rejected and hopefully move on. (Some of his fantasies did involve Tooru reciprocating his feelings and them violently making out in the locker room, but he didn’t need to think about that right now.) Instead, he threw his love at Tooru’s face in a violent attempt to win an argument, which seems to have worked, but now he felt like he reduced years and years of unrequited love to just a trivial piece of information he blurted out to prove a point.
“No it’s not!” Tooru argues, while turning to the side to face Hajime. “I wanted to do this the right way but I didn’t want it to turn into a big thing in case you turned me down so I took the easy way out and I thought you’d let me because you always do but I-” Tooru was aware of how anxious he sounded, but the worried look on Hajime's face confirmed it even more. “Let me start over.”
“You don't have to, Oikawa. I get it.” He answers.
Hajime tries to get Tooru to drop the subject, partially because he can see how much Tooru feels bad and how anxious this is getting him, but mostly because it’s too painful for him. Now that he confessed his love for Tooru, Hajime knows that their relationship, the most consistent and precious thing he’s ever had, is tainted forever. Surely, because it’s them, they will recover from it, but it won’t ever be the same and Hajime felt it the moment he pronounced the words “I love you”.
“But I want to.” Tooru pleads, his gloomy eyes looking directly into Hajime’s.
And because Hajime never really refuses anything to Tooru, he lets him. “Sure, hit me.” Hajime says.
Tooru was not pleased by his friend’s flippant tone, but he was not in any position to make remarks, so he let it slide. “Look,” He starts, with a serious look that Hajime has only ever seen in matches. “You might not have noticed that, because we have had a routine for so long, but I’m crazy about you.”
Hajime lets out an unintentional chuckle. Because, what ?
“Come again ?”
It wasn’t that Hajime didn’t like the idea of Tooru being “crazy” about him, the sheer thought of it made him feel dizzy ; it’s just that it wasn’t their reality. In real life, he will always be Iwaizumi Hajime, stupidly in love with his best friend since forever, incapable of ever saying no to him or even just being apart from him, and his best friend will always be Oikawa Tooru, an arrogant know-it-all bastard who’s simultaneously everything Hajime ever wanted and the biggest pain in his ass.
“Don’t interrupt me !” Tooru says, while lightly pushing Hajime's shoulder. “As I was saying, you might not have noticed, given that we’re always together and that you’re the most oblivious person I have ever met.”
Hajime's annoyed look was met with a “don’t argue with that, or I might start the whole thing a third time” look, so he obliged.
“I’ve done everything under the sun to make us change our relationship from strictly platonic friends to, you know… not so platonic boyfriends.” Tooru says, avoiding Hajime’s eyes while his face was significantly reddening.
“I’ve tried to make you lunch several times.” Which, Hajime thinks, he failed to mention was either too salty or too plain half of the time. “I’ve tried to hold your hand while we walk in and out from school.” Hajime noticed and was secretly looking forward to it every single day. “I’ve even tried asking Tobio-chan for advice, for god’s sake!” He exclaims. "Me, the most popular guy in Miyagi, had to ask Tobio, who just had his first boyfriend like 4 months ago, how to make your best friend fall in love with you !” Tooru scoffs.
Ever since, a few years ago, Hajime realized he’s been in love with his best friend, there was not much coming back from that.
He has been feeling those stupid butterflies and coming-of-age movies moments where his and Tooru’s eyes would lock up and he would just think “I love him so much I might die”, which, obviously, he would not admit directly to Tooru unless held at gunpoint.
And (of course, he would never admit that either) even though he thought of a million scenarios where Tooru is interested in him, he never, ever thought that those were the words that would be coming out of his mouth.
“And I guess, me being afraid of rejection and all, I thought that if I presented you with logical reasons of why you should be together, then maybe you’d have no choice but to say yes…” Tooru says quietly while looking down at his shoes.
“Hey, look at me.” Hajime says while trying to ignore the sensation of his heart beating out of his chest. “This is logical to me, okay ?” Hajime utters, looking at Tooru's dazzling eyes while slowly holding up his hand, making their fingers intertwine again. “We are more logical than any of those stupid reasons you mentioned.”
For Hajime and Tooru, ”we” meant everything. It was the partnership that they created in elementary school and managed to turn into something that would be coveted for years in their field. It was the silent understanding that nothing would ever come between them and that whenever things got hard for one of them, the other would be there no matter what. And right now, the “we” that was mentioned was one they both yearned to have for so long, and were finally close to having.
So of course this is logical to Tooru, he just didn’t realize how much it was to Hajime too.
“I want you.” Tooru says eagerly, like he’s been itching to say it out loud. “And not because it’s practical.”
“I know.” Hajime answers, while gently tucking a strand of hair behind Tooru’s hair with his free hand.
“I would love you even if you started hating volleyball”. Tooru adds quickly to further prove his point.
“I wouldn't suddenly hate it”. Hajime simply answers, because, surely, Tooru will understand that he gets it.
“I would even love you if we were on opposite teams and you were able to receive every one of my services !” He adds in a quick witted way.
“I get it, really.” Hajime’s hand now moved from Tooru’s hair to his cheek, which he seems to have missed, too focused on the point he was making.
“You know what, i’d even love you if you’d-”
“Would you still love me if I kissed you right now ?” Hajime asks, cutting off Tooru while still caressing his cheek, which he apparently has just now realized.
They’re very close, ironically not the closest they’ve ever been (they’ve once woken up after a sleepover they did the night after an important match with Tooru’s body being half on top of Hajime’s, even though they were not supposed to sleep together in one bed in the first place), but this feels very different than anything they’ve ever experienced before.Tooru is able to admire how Hajime’s eyes glisten while the moon shine on them without feeling like he has to look away or brush the feelings off with a snarky remark, he’s able to feel the pleasant warmth of Hajime’s hand on his cheek, and he’s positive that he’d take this closeness over any unintentional one.
“If you kiss me right now I might manage to like you even more.” Tooru almost whispers, with a smug look that Hajime is more than familiar with.
Suddenly, Hajime fingers are ruffling through the hair on Tooru's neck, still a bit sweaty from practice, before he presses their lips together with all the courage he took years to gather.
It’s imperfect and Hajime doesn’t really know where to put his free hand (which, Tooru seems to have noticed because he takes Hajime’s hand and puts it on his hip) but he loves it, so, so much.
And when he tries to break down from the kiss to get some much needed air but is stopped when Tooru quickly presses his fingers against his hip, he knows that he loves it too.