Chapter Text
Do you wonder where the self resides?
Is it in your head or between your sides?
And who will be the one who will decide its true location? - Andrew Bird, Dark Matter
V opened her eyes. She saw a sterile white ceiling above her and, lifting her head slightly, sterile white walls surrounding her. The last thing she remembered was being led to Mikoshi. And Goro. He had implored her to consider his offer, to consider Arasaka’s offer, had convinced her to sell her soul for a chance to be cured, a chance to live again. Did it work? she wondered. It certainly seemed that she was alive, but was she cured?
She closed her eyes, and images flashed unbidden into her mind. A red bird. A yellow flower. She grimaced, opening her eyes again, for the first time realizing how strange she felt. She looked down at her body, covered by a thin white sheet. She drew her hands out from under the sheet, studying them. Something was wrong.
A woman entered the room, disrupting her thoughts. She spoke something to V in Japanese, but V couldn’t parse the words. Why wasn’t her translator picking this up? The woman spoke again, this time to someone outside of V’s range of vision, and approached her.
“I can’t –” V started, attempting to sit up, but was gently pushed back down into the bed by the woman. “I don’t understand,” she said, but her voice was strange. Another thought occurred to her, and she looked down at her hands again. “My implants,” she said. “What happened to my implants?”
The woman spoke softly, words V couldn’t comprehend. “Where the fuck are my implants?” she said, her voice rising, again attempting to sit up and this time rebuffing the woman’s attempts to stop her. “Where am I? Why can’t I understand you? What the fuck is going on?”
The woman was becoming more frantic now, trying to prevent V from getting out of the bed, which only caused V’s frustration to grow. “No, don’t touch me...what...the absolute fuck...is going on?!”
“V.” The stern voice from the doorway stopped her in her tracks. One word was enough to make her freeze, make her suck in a gasping lungful of air. She turned toward the voice.
“Goro?”
He stepped into the room, saying something in Japanese to the woman, and nodding curtly at her. She bowed to him and hurried out of the room.
He was at V’s bedside in an instant, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder and guiding her back into a reclining position. “You need to take it easy,” he said, his voice no longer stern, but instead soothing.
“Goro, I don’t...please tell me what’s happening.”
He studied her face briefly, silently. “The procedure was a success. The Secure Your Soul program – Arasaka has upheld its end of the agreement, and you have returned, free of the damage from the Relic.”
She took in a breath, absorbing the information. “I don’t remember anything after the orbital station. How long was I in Mikoshi?”
“Two years.”
“Two years,” she repeated neutrally. What had she been expecting? Days, months? Decades? She had no memories from Mikoshi, no way to measure the passing of time. She supposed it could have been worse; she could have been awoken long after everyone she knew had already died. She could have never been awoken at all.
“It took some time to find a compatible donor body,” he explained.
“A compatible…” She stopped, taking in his words, then looking down at her hands again. “Donor body,” she breathed, suddenly looking back up at Goro in alarm. “Donor body?!”
“Of course,” he said. “Your body was beyond repair; you were no doubt aware of this?” She could only stare at him, mouth slightly agape. “Your engram was transferred as soon as a match could be found. I...I did what I could to ensure your match would be prioritized.”
She had signed a contract; she was sure the details had been laid out in the fine-print she hadn’t bothered reading. She had made the decision hastily – and if it hadn’t been Goro offering, she likely would have refused. She hadn’t had time to really consider the consequences. Logically, this made sense – her body was dying, after all – but she supposed she thought she would remain in Mikoshi until a means to cure her was found. A full body transplant wasn’t what she had expected.
She pulled the thin sheet that was still partially covering her away, taking in her body for the first time. Her body? A stranger’s body. Her cyberware was gone. Her tattoos were gone. Every scar, every birthmark. Her whole self – gone. She felt the formation of tears beginning to prickle her eyes, and turned away from Goro in embarrassment.
“V –“ he started.
“I need to see,” she said hoarsely, interrupting him. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but changed his mind and instead nodded, leaving the room. While he was gone, she brought both hands to her face, tracing over unfamiliar features, trying to will the panic rising in her chest to subside. Too soon he was back, carrying with him a small hand-held mirror. He sat next to her on the bed, watching her momentarily before holding the mirror out to her. She took it hesitantly, and took in a deep breath.
She looked into the mirror, and a stranger looked back at her – a Japanese woman, roughly her age. Who was this woman – who had she been? Had she been forced out to make room for V? Did V do to someone else what Johnny had tried to do to her? Her skin crawled – a stranger’s skin – and she felt like she might be sick. She shuddered, putting the mirror down, unable to stop the tears from flowing freely now.
Goro, to his credit, remained placid, putting an arm around her and pulling her in toward him, silently holding her while she cried. “It is a lot to take in all at once,” he said quietly when she had stopped. She nodded, sniffling. “We will take things one day at a time,” he reassured her.
“We?” she asked, weakly.
“I have offered to let you stay with me during your recovery,” he said. “The doctors have cleared you for release, but would like to check in over the next few weeks to ensure everything is...functioning properly.”
“That’s very generous of you.”
“It is the least I can do,” he said, and a small smile played at the corner of his lips. “Without you, I would be...well. I do not like to think of where I would be.” He paused suddenly, looking almost bashful. “I have missed your company these last two years, and I am grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with you.”
She brushed dampness from her cheeks, and looked up at him through puffy eyes. Despite everything, she smiled slightly. “This body might need an implant for better hearing, because I could have sworn you just said you missed me.”
He cleared his throat awkwardly, releasing his hold on her, and stood. “Yes, well. Come. We must gather your things. It is time to go home.”