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They laughed too loudly. Annoyed, Seungmin looked over at the boys sitting by the window in the second row on the left of the auditorium. They were always so freaking loud…
He watched the boy with the fluffy light brown hair throwing back his head and laughing like his dad owned a jewelry store. His name was Jisung. He was small, scrawny, loud and annoying. And the worst part was that Seungmin saw him constantly.
He was riding his bike, cutting a corner and almost crashing into him, when Seungmin walked to his next class, carrying an arm full of papers, that he was clutching so tightly he would have fallen flat on his face before allowing himself to drop them.
He was walking out of a building when Seungmin walked in, chatting with his ridiculously loud friends. He was eating lunch three tables down at the cafeteria and now he was in his class, looking unprepared and spending his time goofing around instead of getting his work materials out.
The guy to the right looked like a freaking bulldog and Seungmin had firmly believed he was stupid until he saw him ranking higher in their math class than him. And the guy to the left seemed to consist of dimples and hoodies and nothing else.
They were always cracking jokes and slapping each other's shoulders and Jisung, the boy in the middle, had the annoying tendency to sink into the other boy’s laps when he laughed. What was he hoping to find there? Who did that and why didn't the others tell him to stop?
When class finally started, Seungmin was relieved. He wouldn't be forced to pay attention to him anymore now. He studiously copied the notes the professor wrote on the white board and used his colored markers to emphasize what was probably important for the exam.
Jisung was chewing on his pen and looking out of the window. His hair glowed in a golden halo in the light coming in. Seungmin watched his lips around the pen. He had good eyes ever since his lasik. He could even make out the fine line of spit between Jisung's mouth and the end of the pen when he took it out to wiggle it between his fingers.
Suddenly Seungmin's heart stopped. Jisung was looking at him with these eyes that were as expressive as if he was an anime character. Seungmin lowered his gaze quickly and looked down into his lap. He saw his knees, his checkered pants over his skinny legs, his white collared shirt, his cardigan. And between his legs, his leather bag, that he usually carried over one shoulder and that held his books, his notebooks and of course his pencil case with the colored markers.
He looked back up at Jisung and Jisung was bending over his notebook and writing something down. Seungmin exhaled. He leaned his head on his hand, blocking out the view of the Noisy Trinity, so he couldn't get distracted anymore.
When class was over, Seungmin packed his markers and everything else into his bag, when a piece of paper was suddenly jabbed into his face. Jisung was standing in front of him, holding out his hand with the little note between his index and middle finger.
“Erm…” Seungmin didn't know what to do. Why was he here? Reluctantly he took the note from Jisung's hand and before he could say anything else, Jisung had walked away.
Seungmin watched them leave the auditorium, with his mouth slightly open and still bent over his bag. When they had disappeared around the corner, Seungmin swallowed. With shaky fingers he opened the note.
You hot for me Seungmo? Hope you didn't cum into your bag just now.
The note concluded with the drawing of a dick that was in the process of squirting out a little fountain of fine lines.
Very mature for a college freshman, Seungmin thought. He tried to remember when he had drawn a dick last. Probably never.
Whatever did Jisung mean by that? Was he trying to tease him? Seungmin huffed. Well, that backfired. Seungmin didn't feel teased. He felt elated. He put the note into his wallet to keep it safe and left the auditorium to go to the bathroom, before heading to the cafeteria to get lunch.
He had established a pretty good routine by now. The campus consisted of multiple buildings and a multitude of bathrooms and now, a few weeks into his second semester, he had found the good ones, that were clean and comfortable and mostly empty.
While sitting down to take a dump, he couldn't help but think of Jisung again. They had started in the same group together last year, and during orientation Seungmin had thought they might become friends. But when classes began, Dimples and Bulldog were suddenly next to Jisung and Seungmin had become invisible. It was a little disappointing that Jisung didn't even get his name right on the note. He should remember at least that shouldn't he? Seungmin sighed. He needed to correct him. If Jisung chose to dislike him now at least he should remember his name correctly.
He washed his hands meticulously and walked over to the cafeteria. The trinity was sitting at a table eating sandwiches and laughing. No doubt about Jisung's attempt at art. Seungmin contemplated walking over and joining in the conversation, when Jisung suddenly met his eyes and winked.
Seungmin swallowed and turned quickly to look at the food on display. He could join the conversation later. Or never.
When he was done at the checkout and turned to the room to find a spot at a table, he felt both relieved and disappointed when he saw that Jisung and his friends had already left. He had really wanted to address the note, but it was also ok to do that later.
‘Why would he wink at me though?’ Seungmin thought. That didn't make any sense. What did he mean by that? Maybe he just had something in his eye and it meant nothing. That was probably it. Just nothing. Seungmin dug into his food. The next class was starting in half an hour and he still had to get to the library to make copies from a book on the reading list for the term paper.
He hurriedly put his tray with his empty plate away and rushed out of the cafeteria only to stop in his tracks frozen. Jisung was sitting on the grass under the large oak tree in front of the building and looking at his phone, alone.
Seungmin really needed to get going, but the opportunity couldn't be passed up, he couldn't even remember seeing Jisung without his cronies clinging to him.
“My name is Seungmin,” Seungmin said, walking up to him, “not Seungmo.”
Jisung looked up at him and grinned. Seungmin swallowed. What was he doing here? Was he asking Jisung to give him another drawing of a dick and this time to get his name right? He had to lead the conversation elsewhere.
“Where are Dimples and Bulldog?” He asked, looking around. “Did they grow tired of you?”
Jisung laughed with that expensive laugh that didn't fit his appearance. “Who? You mean Chan and Changbin?”
Seungmin just looked at Jisung. Who else could he mean? “Doesn't matter.” He said and shrugged, because it really didn't matter to him.
“I ditched them.” Jisung said, looking up at Seungmin and still grinning. From this angle he looked even smaller, with his feet angled slightly inwards and his hands around his knees. “You got a nickname for me too, Seungmo?”
‘Cutie’ Seungmin thought and cringed. He couldn't possibly tell him that. He would get the wrong idea, that Seungmin liked him or something. It was just… he was cute. Objectively. Cute and annoying. He shook his head.
“So what do you want?” Jisung asked. “Did my love letter make you horny?”
Seungmin snorted. “Hardly.” He said, and instantly regretted his choice of words. “I just wanted you to get my name right next time.” Next time? What the fuck was he talking about? There was no next time.
“You mean Seungmo?”
“It's Seungmin.”
“Alright, Seungmo.” Jisung got up. “You got any other requests? Should it rhyme?”
“I don't want a rhyming poem about my dick.” That was probably true, wasn't it? Although he wouldn't hate it.
“You want one about mine?” Jisung said and bumped into him, while passing. He didn't stop, didn't apologize and didn't turn around. He just walked away.
“Yes, please! I can't wait.” Seungmin said loudly, trying to sound sarcastic.
His heart was beating fast. How was this the only conversation they had had all year? And why would Jisung bump into him, when they were outside and there was no shortage of space to walk around him? What was that all about?
The touch had felt sudden, abrupt, warm. Jisung thought of himself as some kind of a rapper. He had told Seungmin as much during orientation. He had even shown him some of the lyrics he had written. They weren’t bad, as far as Seungmin could tell. He liked Hip Hop music. But Jisung surely didn't look much like it. He looked small and cute and in no way as wicked and explicit as the lyrics he had shown him.
Seungmin hadn't minded. He knew he looked like a good boy, who always had his homework. And that was true, he was diligent, he was meticulous, he liked studying and he liked to be good at things. But that didn't mean he was a prude. So he had mostly grinned at the cuss words and the sexual implications and nodded.
“Maybe if you practice a little more…” he had said, unwilling to praise Jisung's work. Practice never hurt anybody, so it wasn't wrong, technically.
Over the course of the first semester Seungmin had observed Jisung, as he became friends with Dimples and Bulldog and while he hadn't been shy from the beginning, he had become louder and louder.
Jisung didn't seem to work much for his grades, he had asked Seungmin to copy his assignments and Seungmin had politely declined. There was no way he was going to pull lazy people through college. And then Jisung stopped asking and then talking to him altogether.
Seungmin touched his arm, where Jisung had bumped into him. Why had he done that? Was it some kind of male aggression thing that was bound to escalate in a fist fight? Seungmin snorted. He hadn't been in a fist fight since first grade when the school bully had tried to take his chocolate bar. He hadn't tried it again. Seungmin didn't look like a fighter and he wasn't one. But when he threw a punch he didn't do it to play, he did it to kill. So he didn't get into fights, because that wouldn't be good for anyone.
…
The next time he saw Jisung, Seungmin thought he must have been set up. No way did something like this happen in real life. He was at the library to collect books from the course reading list to flip through them and make a plan for whether or not he would need them for his paper, when Jisung was standing in an aisle between library bookshelves trying to reach one of the upper shelves. He was on his toes, and his shirt had slid up to reveal a broad black studded belt and a little bit of skin.
Seungmin exhaled. Really? He was 10 cm taller than Jisung and had no problem reaching the upper shelves. And if he would have had a problem he would have gotten a stool. Those stood around in like every third aisle.
But not Jisung. He stretched and wiggled his fingers and let out little sighs of despair while revealing the smooth honey colored skin of his waist.
“Where's my poem?” Seungmin said, stepping up behind Jisung and reaching up over Jisung's hand to get the book he so desperately wanted.
Jisung turned around and leaned against the bookshelf, looking up at him. They were awfully close and Seungmin hoped his breath didn't smell bad. Seungmin pressed the book to Jisung's chest to avoid eye contact.
“Here you go.” Seungmin said, looking at the book. Jisung didn't take it. He stared at Seungmin and Seungmin felt the situation getting more and more ridiculous. But he couldn't let the book drop to the floor. It was a book for goodness sake and it needed to be respected and handled with care.
He looked up from the book to meet Jisung's eyes and to scold him for being such a nitwit, but forgot what he was about to say.
Who had eyes like that? And was he wearing makeup? There was some golden glitter around his eyes and a bit of eyeliner on his waterline. Some eyeshadow in the outer corners made his eyes appear even larger.
Seungmin swallowed dry. Why did he feel so giddy? Suddenly, Jisung smiled and put a hand over Seungmin's on the book on his chest. Seungmin almost gasped. His hand felt warm and soft. Seungmin’s hand was big and veiny while Jisung's was small and smooth. A soft touch. It was too much and yet, not enough. He felt like a bunch of strings were wrenched in his stomach.
Seungmin stepped away from him hurriedly, pulling his hand out. His head was spinning. He needed to go to the bathroom. “You're welcome,” he said, while already turning towards the exit.
Sitting down in the stall of the upper floor bathroom, Seungmin had to fight tears. He was either crazy, or sick, or in love with Jisung, who was a guy. And he was a guy, too, which made him… gay. At least romantically.
Seungmin had never had a girlfriend, or boyfriend. He simply wasn't interested. He had never felt so intrigued by somebody, never felt the need to be close to them and yet so afraid to get any closer.
Why Jisung? He wasn't even… Seungmin didn't know what. He was pretty. And cute. His eyes were… god, he had to stop thinking about that. He grabbed into his hair in frustration and pulled. He was doomed.
…
He hadn't tried to avoid Jisung before and had believed it to be impossible. They were in the same year and had classes together after all. But after allegedly falling in love with him, Seungmin found new and exciting ways to avoid him. Mainly, he used his hand to shield the Noisy Trinity from his view and that proved very easy, because he could hear them long before he could see them.
He was standing in the cafeteria paying for his food when he heard Bulldog cackle like a construction machine and then Jisung’s flat hand slapping their table repeatedly. Sparing himself the visual brought Seungmin to a new realization: Dimples was the quiet one among them, relatively speaking.
He walked to a table far away from them and even turned to walk sideways for a bit so he wouldn't have to see them. He was holding his tray, so he really couldn't shield his eyes.
When he reached the table far away he let out a relieved sigh. He had successfully avoided feeling foolishly in love once again.
He sat the tray down carefully when suddenly Jisung slipped into the seat Seungmin was about to occupy.
“Erm…” Seungmin looked around and dropped into the seat next to Jisung. He grabbed hold of the tray, slid it in front of himself, and put up his hand to shield Jisung from view.
It’s slick and long
Thick and strong
Let me fill you up
Beg me not to stop
I’ll rub you right
Never wrong lil’ pup.
“I’m trying to eat.” Seungmin replied, without removing the hand between Jisung and his eyes. To his horror, Jisung moved his face closer until it touched Seungmin's hand. Jisung reached up and parted Seungmin's middle and ring finger and his eye peeked through, very close to Seungmin's face.
Seungmin snorted. That was actually really funny and terribly silly. He put his hand down and looked into Jisung's beautiful eyes, no, lost himself in them. The same sensation of strings inside of him being wrung and twisted as he had felt in the library filled him again. Jisung's face was only centimeters away.
“I get a feeling you're avoiding me, Seungmo.” Jisung moved back a little and leaned his head on his fist.
“Can’t talk, I’m eating.” Seungmin dug into the food, filling his face to the brim and shrugging apologetically.
“How do you like my poem about my dick?” Jisung made a little pause, watching Seungmin chew his food. “I would have written about yours, but you never let me see it.”
Seungmin swallowed carefully. He didn't want to cough food all over the table, and his crush.
“Why are you hitting on me, suddenly?” Seungmin grimassed. “If you want to be my enemy, I have to tell you, that won’t work. I don't antagonize people and people don’t antagonize me. Especially not you.”
“Why, you like me?” Jisung winked and stuck out his tongue.
“Someone might bite that off, if you don’t keep it inside.” Seungmin nodded at Jisung, and shoved another load of food into his mouth.
Jisung seemed to cringe and closed his eyes. Seungmin used the opportunity to study his face. The plush lower lip looked very kissable. Jisung's lips looked small in his face, with his cute cheeks framing them. But Seungmin knew his mouth was quite big actually, both metaphorically and in reality because when he smiled, his face seemed to consist of nothing else.
Jisung opened his eyes in this moment, when Seungmin was staring dreamily at his lips, imagining what he could do to cause such a huge smile to erupt on them.
Their eyes met and Seungmin felt that feeling again. He quickly tried to think of something to say, anything to keep his mind occupied, so he couldn't lean in and kiss him.
“I don't believe you. It's not as long and thick as you claim.” Because it was much better to talk about Jisung's dick, of course, to stop himself from spiraling.
“You want to see it?” Jisung grinned.
“And then?” Seungmin couldn't believe he just asked that. Jisung had already said what was going to happen next in line 3 to 6 of his poem. And sure enough.
Let me fill you up
Beg me not to stop
I’ll rub you right
Never wrong lil’ pup.
Jisung recited again, looking very pleased with himself.
“Are you trying to get into my panties?” Seungmin raised his eyebrows, huffing.
“Why aren’t you looking at me anymore?” Jisung looked at Seungmin's lips and back up to his eyes again.
Because I’m in love with you. No he couldn't just say it. People were supposed to date and then at least kiss before saying I love you. Seungmin took out his wallet and from it, the note Jisung had given him some weeks back.
“I got a feeling you don't like that.” He held the note into Jisung's face. “You think I get off from looking at your face?” He pointed at the lines erupting from the roughly drawn dick. “I’ve never done that.”
“You’ve never come?” Jisung looked shocked.
“No, I mean I’ve never … first of all, I’m not sure you’ve ever come, because that’s not what that looks like. And secondly, I don’t jerk off to my friends. Or classmates. That's weird. I see you every day.”
Jisung bit his lip. “It's not weird because I’m a guy?”
“I’m gay.” Seungmin shoved the rest of his food into his mouth. Jisung was the one who had helped him discover it, he should be the first one to hear it, shouldn't he?
Jisung swallowed and made big eyes at Seungmin. “You are? Why didn't you tell me sooner?”
Seungmin had to chew very slowly now. He swallowed carefully. “Why, what would you have done with that information? Would you not have ditched me for Dimples and Bulldog if you had known? Or would you have decided to never talk to me in the first place? And I couldn't tell you sooner, I’ve just realized it now.”
“Now?” Jisung pointed between himself and Seungmin. “As you are talking to me?”
“No, when I almost kissed you in the library. That would have been awkward.”
Suddenly, Jisung smiled and his whole face changed. “Seungmo, I want you to kiss me.”
That couldn't be true. “Why would you want me to kiss you?” Jisung had ignored him first. It was probably because he didn't like him anymore.
Instead of answering, Jisung bored his finger into Seungmin's sweater and then pinched it to pull Seungmin closer by it. What was happening? Before Seungmin could regain his wits, their lips were touching.
Seungmin's heart exploded. It just burst. The strings that were previously wrung and twisted ripped and he was flooded with warmth that felt better than anything Seungmin had ever felt before. But it evaporated quickly and could only be replenished by holding Jisung close.
He hugged him. “Cutie,” Seungmin whispered into Jisung's ear. “That’s what I used to call you in my mind.”
Jisung chuckled. “In my mind I always called you Puppy.”