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Since he left, contact had been almost non-existent. They had been especially romantic from day one, but when Granit left, it didn't take long for the daily messages to turn into a weekly call, then an occasional congrat for a match, until it seemed that Granit didn't even think of his existence.
It hurt like hell for Mikel. A lot, and he thought he could treat this friendly as just what it was: his team against a childhood friend's team, preparation for the season, nothing more.
And here he was now, it was Sunday just past midnight, Mikel in his bed, alone with no one to hold him, with no distractions to silence the constant, fleeting, and too fast thoughts.
What would Granit do when he saw him? Maybe he'd smile at him with that arrogant smile, or maybe he'd decide to smile sweetly. Perhaps Granit would do nothing. Or maybe Granit would corner him in a hallway and kiss him fiercely, with so much hunger for him, with so much affection at the same time.
Mikel shudders just thinking about it, why is he even thinking about this? Granit probably wouldn't do anything. But he wants Granit to do something. Anything.
Is Granit thinking the same as him? Or was he no longer anything in Granit's life?
...
That question is enough to completely ruin Mikel's sleep.
♡
He wakes up, as best as he can because he looks awful, and continues with his work the next day. He doesn't want to think about anything or anyone. Well, maybe his team, but if it were up to him, he would have just stayed home.
Working distracts him, being around other people distracts him. It's a shame that among those people is not the one who owns his thoughts.
When he gets home, determined to finally get the much-deserved rejuvenating sleep, his mind starts racing again. Maybe Granit will completely ignore him or greet him coldly. That would break Mikel's heart because, in his imagination, he is very happy to see the Swiss, but all he gets in return is a cold look and a fake smile.
Granit wouldn't be capable of that... Or would he? Mikel believed Granit wouldn't be capable of stopping talking to him, but he did it anyway.
However, Mikel believes that his Granit wouldn't be that cruel. Anyway, Mikel didn't expect Granit to do anything special just to see him again. He doesn't want Granit to do anything..
Granit, Granit, Granit.
"Stop thinking about him" he tells himself out loud, then falls silent, as if anyone else can hear him talking to himself. But there is no one.
"Idiot" he insults himself, and he can't help but think that if Granit were there, he would tell him not to say such things, that he is too smart, that he doesn't deserve anyone — even himself — saying something like that to him. Granit would also kiss him all over his face, and Mikel would laugh with his face all red because no one had ever treated him with so much affection as Granit did.
So Mikel curls up in his bed, completely covers himself with his blanket, and tries not to cry. He's a grown man, he can't be crying over something he knew wouldn't end well in the first place.
If he knew it would end badly, why the hell did he agree in the first place? And he repeats "Idiot, idiot" to himself as he cries. If Granit were there with him, he would hug him tightly and let him vent while whispering sweet albanian things in his ear. Well, Mikel didn't know albanian, but he hoped they were sweet things.
♡
Life takes pity on him the next day and distracts him. For one day, he stops thinking about Granit. Even when he gets to his bed ready to sleep, his mind leaves him alone, and he quickly falls asleep.
Though it seems like a joke that his dream is about the albanian.
Granit comes off the pitch, replaced by another Leverkusen player whose name Mikel doesn't know. He first greets Xabi, and then he heads towards the other spaniard.
Mikel just looks at him, and suddenly Granit is very close, grabbing him by his sweater and starts kissing him desperately. He is a beast that wants to devour him, Granit pushes him to the bench without stop kissing him, not even to catch a breath. And Mikel feels so small and so hot.
Granit keeps his lips on the other's, grabs his thigh, and touches everything he can find of Mikel, then he pulls away and moves to his neck, leaving marks, hickeys, because Mikel is his. Suddenly, it's Granit thrusting into him and looking into his eyes.
Mikel is in heaven because he wants Granit to do everything, even if it means greeting him or not, smiling or not, not looking at him, hugging him, spitting at him, slapping him, fucking him like an animal on the benches of the Emirates in the middle of a match. Mikel is desperate and wants it all.
And so he wakes up, completely hard and with ragged breathing. He looks around, and he covers his face, which is probably blushing, with a pillow, then he feels a bit pathetic, so he goes to the bathroom and takes a good cold shower.
At least he rested that night, and during the rest of the day, he seems a bit more cheerful than usual.
♡
It was match day, and Mikel only dared to look for Granit with his eyes when the referee blew the whistle to start it. Unconsciously, he stands up and moves to the edge of the pitch, occasionally shouting instructions, but his gaze often focuses more on the swiss than desired.
He is a bit changed, but still the same with his feet, a magician on the pitch, distributing the ball exactly as Mikel remembers. Sometimes he sees him shouting orders to his teammates and getting frustrated when Arsenal opens the score so early with goals from Zinchenko and Trossard.
Mikel wishes he could fully concentrate on his players, but his eyes are traitorous, and his mind is vengeful. Because he looks and replays every detail of Granit in a loop. Every gesture, every sign, every instruction he gives.
And he also wishes Granit would look back at him, at least once. But he seems too focused on the game. Which makes Mikel roll his eyes.
During the break, he says a few words to his players, mostly congratulating and encouraging them to give more. Repeating how proud he is. His mind is on something else to push himself to speak more.
And it seems it's public knowledge who he's thinking about because he gets looks. Gabi, Jesus, and Saka make eyes at him and laugh among themselves. Some of his assistants also discreetly do it. Olek, Fabi, Ben, and Jorginho whisper things to each other while laughing. Declan asks Kai what's going on, the german shrugs, they ask Leandro who was next to him, and he points to Aaron to give them a quick explanation, but Aaron is too busy giving his own motivational talk to Martin while they hold hands romantically. That's the air in the locker rooms.
Mikel rolls his eyes. He gives a couple of claps to encourage them and they go out for the second half.
...
Mikel keeps an eye on him; they're taking him off the pitch, and everything the basque had been thinking about the past few nights falls on his shoulders with such a heavy weight.
Mikel wants to sit down to avoid anything, but he is curious and stays there. Because he wants Granit to do something — or do nothing? Or do everything? His head is spinning, his hands sweat a little.
Granit is getting closer and closer to his teammate who is coming on for him while glancing at Mikel, and he feels his face heating up but tries to keep his composure. What is he going to do?
...
God, what is Mikel going to do? He spent so much time thinking about the other, that he doesn't even know what he's going to do himself. Will he hug him, will he ignore him? He's not smiling, and he's sure he doesn't look particularly happy either, because inside he's melting from the nerves.
Granit approaches him, does something, does nothing? He thinks and thinks but in a blink, it's the albanian who takes the lead, smiles sweetly, offers him a handshake and a half hug that Mikel awkwardly reciprocates. And then Granit goes to his own bench, greeting Xabi on the way, with whom he smiles and his compatriot pats him.
All of Mikel's worries and nerves fade away, now he just feels a bit empty.
Empty, cold, because he doesn't know what he expected exactly, and he wasn't prepared for anything that happened anyway. He looks in the direction Granit went for a few seconds, sighs and slightly shakes his head. He follows the rest of the match, the press conference, and the way home as if nothing had happened.
Nothing happened anyway.
♡
On the way, he passed by an ice cream shop. When he got home, he took off his shoes, went to the kitchen to grab a spoon, and headed to the living room to collapse tiredly onto the couch.
He ate some of the ice cream while watching "One Day", remembering how Granit used to dismiss the movie as cheesy, and how he always got sentimental when Emma and Dexter argued outside the restaurant. Sometimes, a sad sigh would even escape him when Emma died.
Enough thinking about Granit, but how could he not when he was eating white chocolate ice cream, the one the albanian hated but still ate, making Mikel angry, only for them to playfully fight and end up cuddled together watching a movie; and cherry ice cream, oh, Granit's favorite.
Mikel was distracted, but he noticed that the ice cream, now halfway finished, was melting quite a bit, and he wasn't really in the mood to eat more, so he went to put it away. From the kitchen, he heard a knock at the door, first softly, then more decisively, Mikel didn't want to get his hopes up, so he slowly walked to the door, stood on tiptoe to look through the peephole, and smiled. He smiled like he hadn't in days, and definitely not today.
On the other side, of course, was his favorite boy.
Granit looked a bit nervous. Mikel wanted to make him wait, but he himself had waited so long, imagined so many scenarios, his mind had deprived him of sleep and more, so why be patient now?
He didn't want to seem desperate, so he opened the door without much haste, and when he did, Granit looked at him like he did the first time, his face lighting up just from seeing his ex-coach. He looked him up and down, almost devouring him, but before he could say anything, it was Mikel who threw himself into a hug.
Granit hugged him back tightly, kissing wherever he could reach and inhaling his scent. The scent so characteristic of Mikel that he had missed so much
"Aren't you going to let me in?" he whispered in his ear after a while. Mikel shuddered in his arms, smiling, then pulling away to let Granit in.
...
"I missed you" Mikel whispered when they were both curled up on the couch, and Granit's mind was spinning. He looked at him and kept looking, as if he were the only thing in his world. He felt like an idiot. He had let time pass, it would have cost him nothing to send a message, but he thought Mikel didn't even want to hear from him, because he knew how he felt the day he left.
He knew, and he had a pretty good idea of how Mikel's mind worked. Now it dawned on him how anxious Mikel must have been. He felt too awful to look him directly in the eye, so he grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, one by one. Then he kissed him, his Mikel.
His Mikel, who overthinks everything, who imagines the most craziest movie scenarios. His Mikel, who looked at him as if he had fallen from the sky. His Mikel, who had missed him deeply, and that hit him like a bucket of cold water in the middle of winter.
"I'm sorry"
They both fell silent. A sob escaped from Mikel, he had been holding in for who knows how long. Granit just adjusted himself and hugged him tightly because he knew Mikel needed that.
Granit stroked his hair while whispering the most sweet things in albanian, he hoped that one day Mikel would understand the things he was saying.
"Idiot" Mikel whispered, and Granit quickly pulled back a little to respond.
"You're not, don't say that" he said, kissing his cheek.
"Not me! You!" Mikel burst into laughter, and Granit pretended to be offended before he started kissing him all over his face.
The kisses grew more intense, and later, they were both being completely passionate in bed, just as they had missed, and it felt better than Mikel's dream.
...
"You had sweaty hands when I greeted you, nervous to see me?" Granit teased, both of them snuggled and naked. Mikel, very tired and almost asleep, still responded.
"Shut up" and he gets closer to his Granit. Tomorrow he wouldn't be with him again, and he would miss him more than ever. But at least, he had the promise that they would stay in touch, and that allowed him to rest peacefully that night.