Chapter Text
Crowley hadn’t left the couch all afternoon. He had been enjoying a truly monumental James Bond marathon as the warm summer sun travelled across the sky of the South Downs, which he had blocked out with a curtain to avoid glare on the television. The sounds of his husband bustling in the kitchen ended two movies ago and Crowley hadn’t heard signs of him since then - Aziraphale was probably reading in his library.
“Crowley! My dear, where are you?” The sweet voice hadn’t come from the direction of the library. Crowley was watching one of his favourite scenes between Bond and Moneypenny so he only offered a low grunt back, hoping that would signal his living room location. “Crowley! Are you in the garden?” It hadn’t.
“In here!” Crowley called back quickly, trying not to miss the dialogue he’d heard a thousand times before and knew off by heart anyway. If he heard his husband’s slipper-clad feet padding into the living room, he tried his best to ignore the distractions to his movie.
“Oh there you are,” Aziraphale announced softly, unable to contain the gentle grin that appeared on his face whenever he was in his husband’s vicinity. Crowley answered with a low hum and stretched out his spindly arm in an invitation for Aziraphale to join him for a cuddle on the couch. Aziraphale approached the overstuffed tartan couch slowly (extremely dark tartan - it was their compromise) but instead of accepting Crowley’s waiting arms, he quickly reached for the remote on the coffee table. Bond and Moneypenny vanished.
“Oi! I was watching that!” Crowley exclaimed, untangling himself from his own relaxed mess of limbs and staring at Aziraphale with all the annoyance he could muster - these days it wasn’t much.
“I know my dear,” Aziraphale answered disarmingly. “But there’s something important we need to do.” He sat down slowly in the space Crowley had inadvertently made on the couch. He was holding a few things which Crowley couldn’t exactly make out, especially since he wasn’t wearing his glasses. Crowley rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop his own lopsided grin from peeking through.
“Angel, you don’t need my help choosing a bow tie to go to the farmer’s market. They all look good on you.” He couldn’t help adding under his breath, half-hoping Aziraphale didn’t hear. He was becoming better with his compliments for a former demon but they’re still not his strong suit. Aziraphale’s deep rumbling chuckle reverberated through Crowley and he instantly felt his heart grow warm. He would never admit how many times he thought about methods for bottling a chuckle - when he had had his powers he was sure he could have done it somehow.
“While I greatly appreciate the compliment,” Damn. “I travelled to the market yesterday morning, don’t you remember?” Crowley had spent all of yesterday pruning in the garden - he hadn’t paid much attention to his husband’s comings and goings. “We need to start implementing certain new activities into our routine.”
Crowley raised one of his eyebrows.
“Well don’t waste time on my account, lead the way to the bedroom.” He said, suddenly feeling these new activities might not be so unimportant after all. Aziraphale chucked again.
“Wily serpent,” he smirked. “This is unfortunately less fun but just as vital my dear.” Crowley’s shoulders sank back into the couch as the possibility of a mid-afternoon shag evaporated into thin air. “But there’s plenty of time for that later.” Aziraphale added, raising his own bushy eyebrow. Crowley heaved himself up from his lax position and leaned forward to capture his husband in a chaste kiss, but was stopped with a gentle hand on his cheek. Crowley blinked slowly, it was so rare for Aziraphale to deny a kiss. But Aziraphale’s warm smile told Crowley that it wasn’t for lack of wanting to kiss - clearly whatever he had to say was important and he couldn’t risk getting distracted.
“For the past two weeks, I’ve been doing extensive research-” Aziraphale starts, retracting his hand from Crowley’s face and launching into what Crowley expects to be a rather long speech.
“So nothing out of the ordinary then,” he couldn’t help interrupting. Aziraphale sighs.
“Research about being mortal, Crowley.” He said with a twinge of sadness, his blue eyes leaving Crowley for just a moment.
“Found a cure yet have you?” Crowley asks, the hint of genuineness in his voice difficult to hide. While it had only been two weeks since it had happened, both former-entities had become increasingly frustrated with their new human predicament.
“You know that’s not how it works my dear,” Aziraphale said trying to comfort both himself and his husband at the same time. After a moment of heavy silence, Aziraphale seems to shake off the thought and launch back into his speech. He was always better at shaking off bad thoughts like water sliding off a duck, Crowley thought. He would never admit that made him jealous.
“Instead I’ve been reading about the various things humans do to keep themselves healthy,” a word which tasted foreign on Aziraphale’s mouth and to Crowley’s ear, like a tourist trying a word in a language they knew little about. “And there are certain activities we must now begin to partake in.”
Crowley cocked his head to the side, inviting Aziraphale to continue without interruption. But instead of speaking, Aziraphale held up the items in his lap. One was a cup, but the other two, Crowley in his once-immortal wisdom, had no idea what they were. Having been met with unsure silence, Aziraphale extended his arms towards Crowley for a closer look.
“Oh yeah, f’course, the erm, the-“ Crowley sputtered, trying to mask his ignorance. He felt stupid not knowing what a couple of tiny human items were. Of course, he had no need for human items until two weeks ago - only the ones he strictly enjoyed, like cars, gardening spades, and wine bottles.
“We need to start brushing our teeth Crowley.” Stated Aziraphale, seeing right through Crowley’s feign of understanding. He always could.
“Wot?” Crowley stated, dumbfounded.
“I know, it’s rather one of the more mundane tasks of a mortal body, but I’ve been practicing myself the past few days and I believe I’ve gotten a handle on it. It’s really not all that complex, but according to my research, it’s imperative that we start immediately.” Crowley continued to stare - his large honey-coloured eyes searching for something in Aziraphale’s expression that would tell him he was joking. He had to be joking.
“Yeh ok, erm, sure. I’ll get right on that later.” Crowley said, breaking eye contact with Aziraphale and sitting up to search for the TV remote. Aziraphale‘s broad hand landed on Crowley’s gently to still it. Crowley’s jaw tensed. Aziraphale, ever the keen observer, started rubbing slow circles into the back of his husband’s bony hand with his thumb.
“Crowley, we’re going to start now.” He stated, the soft comforting pad of his thumb directly contrasting his authoritative tone.