Chapter Text
Kaveh was away for an expedition in the desert. Candace, guardian of Aaru village, had commissioned him for the upcoming project for the construction of a library and classrooms for people of all ages living in Aaru village.
Kaveh couldn’t be happier to do so, a project like this will not only provide the people, especially the children of Aaru village better access to education but this also gives them the opportunity to learn in a conducive environment where they have unlimited access to books and resource materials.
There was one main problem, they didn't have enough funds to do so. As per discussion, they were planning to hold a fundraiser in the Grand Bazaar where all artists of Sumeru who wish to participate are invited.
It was the perfect opportunity for everyone in the community to showcase their talents, and to gather for a greater purpose. Candace had already asked Dehya to deliver the news to the Akademiya, and to Nilou, should they wish to perform a play.
The next part of their plan is to acquire permission from the Akademiya seeing that this might be a big social event that would require the Mahamata, and the Corps of Thirty as they also plan to hold an auction. Moreover, if given the chance—they also wish for the Dendro Archon’s blessing.
As expected, Kaveh lowers down his commission rate but Candace knows of Kaveh’s goodwill saying that commissioning one of Sumeru’s greatest architects is already a privilege and settles for a price much higher than Kaveh declared.
With Candace being stern, Kaveh had no choice but to agree but he promised to help with the fundraiser, even planning to donate a few of his artworks to be auctioned.
Today, Kaveh comes back from the desert. Kaveh is extremely enthusiastic and ready to continue working on his draft. However, the fatigue from days of planning and travel is taking a toll on him. By the time Kaveh makes it home, the sun has already set and surely Alhaitham was home.
Alhaitham. Home.
Oddly enough, Kaveh finds himself missing being home. More importantly, he misses Alhaitham. Kaveh would never admit it outloud, he doesn’t want to remind himself of his current predicament. Living with your best friend who you had a falling out with was already hard enough, it only gets even harder when you love them and they don’t love you back.
It’s not that Kaveh thinks he’s unloveable—in fact, he has had plenty of suitors, has received quite a few marriage proposals, and has gone out on several dates himself but no one ever gives him that feeling. Kaveh can’t even put it into words.
He used to think that his heart has become numb for all the years of pain and suffering he has carried on his shoulders. But he was soon proved wrong when Alhaitham came back to his life.
But Kaveh had already come to terms with his feelings for Alhaitham. Kaveh’s feelings for Alhaitham was neither one he could decipher nor one that he could put into words. All Kaveh knew was that he had never felt this strong pull towards someone—a strong desire to know someone inside and out, a strong urge to claim and belong, a gnawing ache to see someone bare—unguarded, raw, and unfiltered like looking in front of a mirror.
With every day since they started living together, they get closer and closer. His buried feelings emerge from their long forgotten shell, waiting to be discovered, waiting to be known. But Kaveh couldn’t do that to Alhaitham, he can’t burden him any more than he already thinks he has. If he has to bury his feelings so that Alhaitham remains by his side, then that is what Kaveh will do. Regardless of how much it hurts him.
Before he finishes his musings, Kaveh finds himself in front of their front door. He searches himself for his own keys, grateful that he finds it carefully tucked in his pocket. But before he could even put his keys through the hole, Kaveh hears a soft sound of an instrument playing and he hears Alhaitham humming—his deep voice echoing softly.
Kaveh has heard that tune before. He just can’t remember exactly when. It takes him a few seconds to recover before opening the door.
Once he does, Kaveh is welcomed with a view of Alhaitham—softly strumming a guitar while humming a tune. Kaveh feels his heart skip a beat when Alhaitham’s teal eyes meet his own vermillion ones. He sees something, a different emotion behind those eyes but he can’t quite read them. Or his mind refuses to acknowledge it.
“Haitham, I’m home.” Kaveh says with a small smile, appears bright as ever save for the tugging he feels on his heart. It feels good saying it. It feels...right.
“Not yet,” Alhaitham argues, a hint of teasing in his voice and places his guitar on the space next to him. He sees Alhaitham slowly walk over to him with wobbly steps, and his mind can’t even process what was going on.
What is Alhaitham even doing-?
Oh.
Kaveh finds himself wrapped around Alhaitham’s arms in a warm hug. “Now you are,” Alhaitham declares with a sigh of relief, pulling Kaveh closer by the waist. Kaveh couldn’t help but wrap his own arms around Alhaitham’s neck. “Welcome home, Kaveh.”
Oh no.
Kaveh’s emotions and feelings are piercing through his ribcage. His own heart claws at his chest, begging to be let out—begging to set his feelings free. His mind seems to catch up late and when it finally does, Kaveh becomes hyper aware of everything.
Alhaitham’s breathing deeply, his arms wrapped around Kaveh’s waist have a dual purpose—one to hold Kaveh impossibly close, and another to keep himself steady.
Something’s wrong. Kaveh thinks to himself. Alhaitham was hot to touch, and Kaveh moved his hand towards Alhaitham’s forehead and neck before he came to a realization.
“Alhaitham, you are sick!” Kaveh exclaimed and held Alhaitham’s face in his hands, only to see a small pout on his face and blinking slowly like a cat. He began guiding Alhaitham back to one of their divans and sat him down gently.
“What were you even doing here, Haitham? You should be resting on your bed. How long have you been like this?” Kaveh continues to question.
“I was waiting for you to come home. You should have been home days ago.” Alhaitham softly grumbled and laid his head on Kaveh’s shoulder. He was waiting for me. Dear gods, please don’t do this.
“I’m sorry, Haitham. I know, but I got caught by a sand storm and we had to wait it out.” Kaveh feels extremely worried and guilty as he caresses Alhaitham’s hair.
It’s not quite often that Alhaitham gets sick, he also doesn’t like admitting it either. But whenever Alhaitham does get sick, it reminds Kaveh that no matter how much they have grown, they still have child-like tendencies. Being a huge baby when sick is one of Alhaitham’s.
Whenever Alhaitham was sick, he would take several days off from work and would strictly be on his bed resting. However, Kaveh would have a hard time getting him to eat food and drink his medicine. It’s with enough coaxing that he manages to get it done successfully.
“Have you had dinner already?” Kaveh can’t help but worry. How long had Alhaitham been like this?
“I had some porridge a while ago.” Alhaitham answers which makes Kaveh think. There was no way Alhaitham could cook in this condition.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” Kaveh responded and situated Alhaitham’s head on one of the pillows, Alhaitham already had his eyes closed.
He walks over to their kitchen and what he sees makes his heart ache. There he sees on their table are cardboard boxes of instant porridge.
It reminded him of the very first time that he took care of a sick Alhaitham when they were still in the Akademiya.
Memory:
“You shouldn’t be eating those when you’re sick, Haitham.” Kaveh softly scolds his junior. They were now back in Alhaitham’s bed as he strokes Alhaitham’s hair after his junior puked out the contents of his stomach.
“I’m sorry, senior Kaveh. It’s the closest thing to what my grandmother used to make whenever I got sick.” Alhaitham replies followed with a cough. Kaveh feels as if his heart was breaking. Ever since Alhaitham’s grandmother passed, Alhaitham had no one to take care of him but himself.
Kaveh tries to stop the tears that have formed in his eyes from falling. “I’ll make you some soup, Haitham—I promise that I will always make you real homemade soup to make you feel better.”
“Pinky promise?”
“Pinky promise,” They put their pinkies together. “I’ll take care of you forever.” Kaveh claims with a soft smile and gives his junior a kiss on his forehead before sauntering off to the kitchen with tears in his eyes making a promise to himself that he would always make homemade soup for his beloved junior.
So ever since they fell apart, Alhaitham would just have instant porridge whenever he’d get sick?
Kaveh’s heart breaks at the realization. He once made a promise to Alhaitham that he would take care of him forever. That promise had become long forgotten ever since they had their falling out many years ago. He had failed Alhaitham. He had broken his promise.
Kaveh wipes away his forming tears and immediately walks back to their living room to find Alhaitham already on the verge of falling asleep. “Haitham, I need you to lay in bed. You can’t stay here.” Kaveh helps Alhaitham up and guides him softly to his room with his hands on his waist.
Once they reach the threshold of Alhaitham’s bedroom, Kaveh takes a few seconds to observe. His bed was a mess and covered in multiple blankets. Several cups of water were on Alhaitham’s nightstand, most of them half-full.
The only source of light is a warm lamp by his bedside table, and next to several books is an already empty medicine bottle.
Kaveh nestles Alhaitham in between the covers and then opens up a window to let fresh air in but draws the curtains a little bit. He sees Alhaitham shiver so he makes sure that he’s snuggly wrapped in his blankets.
Before Kaveh can even take a step, a hand gently pulls him back. “Are you leaving me again?” Alhaitham mumbles half-asleep. Kaveh is taken aback, he pretends he doesn’t know what Alhaitham means.
“I’m sorry, Haitham,” Kaveh sits beside him and strokes his forehead. “Don’t worry, I’m just going to make you some soup, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Pinky promise?”
What? Nostalgia hits Kaveh like a truck.
“I-uh, y-yes. Pinky promise.” Kaveh then connects their pinkies and quickly leaves the room. He ignores the pounding on his chest as he saunters off to the kitchen.
In less than an hour, Kaveh has made his way back to Alhaitham’s room with a bowl of soup, medicine, and a glass of water. He gently wakes him up, “Haitham, I know you hate soup but you have to eat or you’re not going to get better.”
With blinking eyes, Alhaitham goes to sit up and proceeds to eat the meal Kaveh had prepared with Kaveh’s guidance. Kaveh can’t help but dote on him, but Alhaitham can’t help but feel guilty. “I’m sorry, Kaveh,” Alhaitham’s eyes couldn’t even meet Kaveh’s.
“You don’t have to take care of me, you know? I know you’re tired from your trip.” Alhaitham finishes the soup and takes his medicine without complaint.
Kaveh can’t help but sigh, “Silly junior, I promised that I’d take care of you forever, didn’t I?” Kaveh responds and gently caresses Alhaitham’s face.
“Whether you’re sick or healthy, and whatnot.” He continues jokingly and he doesn’t miss the faint shade of pink on Alhaitham’s cheeks and the way Alhaitham’s eyes slightly widen.
Alhaitham’s hand goes to take Kaveh’s other hand in his own. “Do you mean that, senior?” Kaveh’s heart does a flip as Alhaitham gently strokes his fingers while looking deeply into his eyes.
“Of course, I pinky promise.” Kaveh responds to him with the brightest smile on his face. Alhaitham smiles back at him then connects their fingers while Kaveh ignores the way his own heart skips a beat when Alhaitham gently kisses his knuckles.
Kaveh continues to caress Alhaitham’s hair until he eventually falls asleep. “Good Night, Haitham.” Kaveh whispers and kisses Alhaitham on the forehead before leaving his bedroom.
Kaveh closes the door and lets out a deep breath that he didn’t know he had been holding. He shakes his head as he eats a bowl of soup himself and proceeds to tidy up their kitchen after.
Once he’s all done, he takes a quick shower and gets himself ready for bed but not before checking up on Alhaitham one more time. That’s all he remembers before the weight of his fatigue over the past few days gets the best of him.
When Kaveh awakens, he has a few realizations.
One. It’s extremely warm, hot even and his sweat sticks to his clothes.
Two. He realizes that he’s not alone.
Three. Alhaitham is lying next to him with his arms and legs draped over Kaveh.
No wonder Kaveh feels extremely warm, Alhaitham’s practically draped all over him. How did Kaveh even get here? The last thing he remembers is checking up on Alhaitham before going to bed. He must have fallen asleep after doing so.
Kaveh checks on Alhaitham again and he takes his time while doing so. Although Alhaitham’s body was warm, it’s definitely much better and normal than yesterday. He also observed that Alhaitham has regained color on his cheeks and even his lips.
Kaveh lets out a sigh of relief, the medicine has worked and hopefully Alhaitham fully recovers within the day. Instead of waking Alhaitham, Kaveh gently held him in his arms.
He’d be lying if he doesn’t admit that he doesn’t want this to end yet, at least for a while he knows what it would feel like to bask in Alhaitham’s warmth and affection. So instead, he waits for Alhaitham.
Sadly, Alhaitham does awaken within the next 10 minutes. However, even though he was awake—Alhaitham had no plans of letting Kaveh go yet. Kaveh knows this because he feels him stroking and tracing circles on his back.
“Good Morning, Haitham.” Kaveh blushes as he plants a faint kiss on his clothed chest that he hopes Alhaitham doesn’t notice.
“Mmm. Morning, senior.” Alhaitham answers and mouths a soft kiss on top of Kaveh’s head. They both know, of course.
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel so much better. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“They said earnest thanks should be given thrice–” Kaveh says jokingly and it makes Alhaitham let out a faint laugh and pulls Kaveh closer to his chest.
“Of course. I’ve already received word from Dehya so I’ll help you endorse the fundraiser, and I’ll let you pick out our next set of curtains for the living room.” Alhaitham responds in a sincere tone and Kaveh pulls back to look at Alhaitham in the face.
“You mean it?! Oh my god, thank you, Haitham,” Kaveh exclaims happily and also pulls Alhaitham closer by the neck.
Not only does Kaveh feel extremely excited for the project, but he also gets to pick new curtains that he’s been asking Alhaitham to do weeks ago.
“Now get up, so we can start working.”
“Not even an extra five minutes for your sick junior?” Alhaitham teases with a smile as he watches an over-excited Kaveh get out of their bed and responds how he’s not sick anymore.
Alhaitham can’t help but feel warmth spreading in his chest. It’s not everyday he gets to see Kaveh this happy. He hopes he could make Kaveh feel like this everyday.
The next few days were filled with planning and collaboration with several of their friends. Nahida, the dendro archon, also approaches Alhaitham to tell them that they have her blessing and that she wishes to attend the fundraiser as well.
The Zubayr Theatre couldn't be happier to perform and are already practicing for their play.
Several artists have agreed to showcase and donate some of their work for the fundraiser. What’s more exciting is that even the scholars of the Akademiya had something to showcase for each darshan.
Each darshan is also beginning their preparations whether for exhibits or special performances. Some scholars were also planning to paint their favorite alumni that they look up to and donate their paintings for the auction.
Within the span of weeks, this was all Sumeru Akademiya could talk about. What’s left to do is to finalize the information such as dates and location of the fundraiser so that a formal announcement could be made on the public boards.
Candace coordinates with Alhaitham regarding the final details and is planning to release a formal announcement by the afternoon.
Unknowingly, several pages of a romantic poem from a nameless author addressed to a mysterious muse seems to have been included—seemingly having gone unnoticed when they made several copies for the said announcement, not until its pages were spread across Sumeru's public message boards.
It was the day after they made the public announcement when Alhaitham had caught wind of what had happened. On his way to the Akademiya, he noticed people gathered around the public boards but as usual, he paid no mind to it.
The people must be really interested in the fundraiser. Alhaitham thinks to himself, he was happy that at least the fundraiser had garnered enough attention and continued his walk to work.
Upon entering the Akademiya, Alhaitham noticed several groups of scholars were gathered in different groups. Their voices echoed loudly as even some of the professors were chiming in during the discussion. Alhaitham turns his noise cancellation even more and lets out a deep sigh.
When he made it to his office, he was greeted by none other than his assistant, Panah, who was wearing a troubled expression on his face along with Candace, and Faruzan.
It’s only then did Alhaitham realize that something might have happened. He tones down his noise-cancellation as he prepares for a lengthy discussion.
“Madam Faruzan, Candace,” Alhaitham nods. “Good Morning, is there anything I can do for you?” Alhaitham remarks as he takes a seat in front of his desk.
“Grand Sage, Alhaitham. An unexpected error had been made when we distributed the announcement flyers on the public boards!” Panah answers, frantically, which makes Alhaitham grimace inwardly.
“Acting Grand Sage,” He corrects. “And please Panah, get straight to the point.” Alhaitham asserts as he rummages through his table—looking for something.
“What Panah means to say is that, included in the formal announcement are several poems written by dare I say, a rather elusive poet about their mysterious muse,” It’s only when Madam Faruzan finished talking did it click to him.
A heavy silence encapsulates the room as Alhaitham realizes that he was missing something of his possession.
The countless Akademiya paperwork in his desk could not even begin to compare to the amount of significance those pages held to him.
His own heart jumps to his throat.
At first, Kaveh has no idea what was going on. He was on his way to Puspa Café to meet Candace to have his drafts checked when he noticed groups of people gathered around the message boards. Kaveh can’t help but be intrigued but thinking that he was running late, he makes a mental note to ask around later.
He greets Enteka with a wave as he enters the café, scanning his eyes around to locate Candace only to realize that she was not there yet.
Kaveh places his things along with Mehrak on one of the wide tables and he walks over to the counter to order them some refreshments.
“Good Morning, Enteka,” Kaveh greets with a warm smile. “I’ll take two of your signature blends, please.” He goes to reach for his mora and pays but he doesn’t miss the chatter of some scholars that have enveloped the room.
“Have you read the poem on the message boards?” They giggle amongst themselves “It was so romantic. I wonder who it’s addressed to. ”
“I heard that there were actually two poems!”
“Though, the author remains unknown, who do you think it is? I bet it’s a Haravatat scholar.”
“Oh come on, Virash. Other darshans can be that romantic with their words too.”
“Ughhh, I wish something like that would be addressed to me.”
Kaveh’s eyes snap away from the group when he hears Enteka. “Here you go, Mr. Kaveh.” Enteka interrupts his eavesdropping with a smile as she hands him his tray.
“Thank you, Enteka,” Kaveh can’t help his curiosity, he couldn’t help but ask Enteka. “Do you perhaps know what’s going on?”
“Oh,” The café manager beams at him. “A certain poem that was included along with the formal announcement about the fundraiser has captured the attention of almost the whole city, especially the hearts of young scholars. It quickly became a sensation overnight.”
A poem...Along with the formal announcement about the fundraiser. “Perhaps a work of one of the scholars? Some groups have been preparing for performances and exhibits.” Kaveh was most definitely intrigued now.
“That might be the case, Mr. Kaveh. Now the students are more eager to participate in the fundraiser as they want to know who this mysterious ‘V’ could be.”
“V?”
“Yes, the author left no trace of themself but their penmanship and what people presume to be their initial.”
“I see. Thank you very much, Enteka.” Kaveh offers her one last smile before he walks back to their table. As if on cue, Candace enters the café and Kaveh pushes his thoughts about the poem aside and makes a mental note to check the message boards later.
“Good Morning, Kaveh. Sorry I was late, I got held up for a moment.” Candace apologizes as she takes a seat next to Kaveh.
“That’s alright, I hope you don’t mind that I ordered for the both of us. It’s the café’s signature blend.” Kaveh says, “But if you want something else, I’ll go order it right now.”
“There’s no need, this is one of my favorites. Thank you, Kaveh.” Candace reassures him.
“I want to show you my draft and discuss if there are changes you want to make,” Kaveh says as he spreads out his blueprint.
Kaveh continues on to discuss his blueprint, pointing out details that he carefully thought of while he spent burning the midnight oil. His hard work does not go unnoticed as Candace also praises him as he expressed how he wants the design to envision both aesthetics and functionality.
“Oh my, Kaveh. This is wonderful!” Candace exclaims and sets down her cup. “I can envision the children reading by the windowsill.”
“I’m really glad you think so.” Kaveh replies, “I can do the finishing touches and finalize the design so that you can review it before the fundraiser.”
As soon as Kaveh finishes his sentence, another group of scholars takes the table beside them. They were talking about the poem again, and this time Kaveh can’t help but ask Candace.
“By the way, have you heard of the poem that was included in the announcement about the fundraiser?” Kaveh whispers as he eyes the group next to them, “It apparently became a sensation overnight, especially among young scholars.”
“Uh-yes, I did hear about it. I’m glad that the fundraiser is gathering enough attention.” Candace answers but avoids Kaveh’s gaze and takes another sip of her coffee. Does she know something?
“Do you have any idea who the author might be? I heard the students were attending to see the mysterious author.” Kaveh tries to gauge her for information but Candace just says she has no idea who it might be.
So Kaveh drops the topic and makes a mental note to investigate on his own instead.
“I really hope we gather enough funds, if not, you can just lower my commission rate-” Kaveh tries to argue but Candace stops him. “You already did us a huge favor, Kaveh, and you’re also helping us with the fundraiser. Thank you, but no.”
“Hmm, don’t worry, I’ll personally oversee the construction of the project all throughout to ensure everything goes perfectly well.” Kaveh reassures Candace, and she thanks him wholeheartedly before bidding him goodbye. They finish after lunch and it’s not long before they go their separate ways as Candace has other errands to run and so does Kaveh.
Without a second to spare, Kaveh walks over to the first public message board he sees.
Announcement on the Public Message Board located near Treasure’s Street:
‘Greetings, People of Sumeru!
We would like to offer you a formal invite for a greater cause to a fundraiser organized by Aaru Village in collaboration with the Akademiya set to take place this Saturday. Countless performances and exhibits from Sumeru’s greatest artists and scholars awaits you. For more information and details regarding said event, please refer to the details below.
~ Several pages with pictures and information follows.’
Okay. Everything seems normal. Kaveh thinks to himself.
Not until he flips over to the very last page.
Kaveh feels his heart stop. Time stills.
Kaveh would recognize that handwriting anywhere.
The page read:
i.
I have never known love the way I do—not until I met you
You were as bright as the sun, and as warm as the summer breeze
The gods brought you to me in a way I expected the least
The longer I spent in your presence—the sooner my dark days seized
I used to believe that my heart was made of steel
That I was unfeeling, emotionless, and concealed
Yet, ever since you walked into my life
A new feeling in me awoke
An emotion, so intense—only you and you can evoke
Tell me, sevgilim
What shall I do with these feelings inside me?
My love, I’m frightened
Yet I can’t help but indulge myself
In your touches, in our banter
In your embrace, in our candor
~ V
Kaveh’s hand falters. He takes a step away from the message board. He knows who it belongs to, but his mind refuses to believe it. Kaveh begs the Gods to prove him wrong.
Within minutes Kaveh had made it to the public message board located near Razan Garden. What he reads next shatters his heart even more.
iii.
Sevgilim, today I think of you once again–
Not even the Gods above know how much I yearn for you
Nor do they know the ache that I go through
Beneath the stars, I probe the heavens wide
For any sign of you, a tiny flicker, or a trace
But only echoes of your voice abide
To haunt me for the rest of my days
I look for you in every book, in every page
I see you in every letter, in every word
I search the world of words for any sign that would remind me of you
I don’t have to look hard, everything in life leads back to you, and only you
With every breath I take, deep within I feel a silent, aching swell
In twilight’s hush, where whispers softly dwell
I trace the path where our dear hearts once met
In hopes that I never forget
How the bitterness of coffee on my lips, remind me of how you like yours
So bitter yet so sweet, just like your words every time we discourse
No words can ever express—the longing I’ve long harbored
For I am nothing but human, weak to the power you have no idea you hold
How cruel can fate be, to keep our souls apart
To leave me yearning for a love that I set free
For I am nothing, but a prisoner to my own heart
A coward who let you walk away from me
Yet I still wait, as dusk and dawn blend
For I know, my love for you shall never end
I know it will continue to make me bleed
I’ll continue to love you from afar if that’s what you need
Even if it meant losing myself
So I don’t completely lose you instead
~ V
The very first thought that comes to Kaveh’s mind as he finishes reading the poem is one that will haunt him forever. Kaveh refuses to believe it.
Kaveh knows without a doubt, it’s Alhaitham.
He knows Alhaitham’s handwriting like the back of his hand, from the years they’ve spent together. From the time they’ve spent debating over annotations in research books. Even with their years apart, Kaveh would never mistake Alhaitham’s handwriting with someone else.
‘I’ll continue to love you from afar if that’s what you need’. From afar. From afar.
Kaveh’s breath hitches as those words echo in his head, his heart stops momentarily, and a tear escapes his eyes.
He refuses to acknowledge the proof staring directly at him right in the face.
But to Kaveh, the truth is as clear as day.
Alhaitham is in love.
And it’s not with him.