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Bakugou found out he had BPD three months ago.
Aizawa suggested it, and then he went to some kind of clinic to get a diagnosis.
The results were positive, though because he's not an adult, the diagnosis said that the disorder is still developing.
The doctors said it should give him hope, but it didn't. He was fucked, and he knew it.
Kirishima was alot of help. Maybe annoying at times, but Bakugou secretly appreciated it.
The redhead researched alot about the disorder, and did his best to help.
He read about everything, about the euphoria, about the splits and episodes.
He was the only person Bakugou fully trusted and felt safe with, maybe Aizawa too, but not as much.
He he had his support system, he went to therapy once a week and was on meds, though he often forgot to take them and Kirishima reminded him instead.
The rest of the class found out on a while after he did, Bakugou didn't want to make it a big deal, so he just told them nonchalantly and shouted something about ripping their heads off if they treat him any differently.
They tried not to.
Bakugou didn't like that part of himself. Having a personality disorder is fucking scary, and it's a big part of him, its a disability, in the end, but he hated to acknowledge it.
So far he went through alot of the symptoms and stuff that happens with BPD, but ever since his breakdown on the roof, he didn't have any intense ones.
He was glad.
Until Kirishima triggered him.
They were in his room, studying. The two of them were possibly the closest people in their class. They were always together, like a package deal. The Bakusquad even made bets on whether they're dating or not.
Kirishima was laying on Bakugou's bed, while the blonde himself was at his desk.
"Can we stop already?"
Kirishima whined, tired of doing homework.
"If you wanna pass you better put your fucking head back in the damn book or I won't be helping you any further."
The blonde grumbled, focused on his own work.
And then, out of nowhere, Kirishima asked his usual question.
"Did you take your meds today?"
His tone was a bit off. Maybe because he was tired and annoyed, or maybe Bakugou imagined it. But something snapped.
The rage Bakugou felt was unbelievable. It's like his anger was too big for his body, and he turned to his friend.
"What the fuck?!"
He shouted, and Kirishima didn't know what to say.
"Wha– Bakugou, calm down."
It only made it worse.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Why do you always fucking ask?! Don't treat me like a fucking baby! Why do you always treat me like that?! And what's with that tone?! Do you hate me all of a sudden?!"
Bakugou was screaming, up from his desk and standing in front of the redhead.
"Bakugou, what are you talking about?"
He had no idea what was happening.
"Shut up! Shut it! Don't–"
The blonde was shaking from anger, visibly struggling to speak.
"You need to calm down. I was just asking a question!"
Kirishima was starting to get mad himself, but trying his best to keep his cool.
Now it snapped.
"You always ask fucking questions! Would you shut the fuck up for once?! You're fucking annoying! You think I want to sit here and hear you talk shit?! I don't! I fucking hate hearing you yapp all of this shit, youre fucking insufferable!"
Bakugou didn't mean any of what he just said. He had no idea why he said it, but the pure rage seeping out of his body was preventing him from thinking straight.
"What?..."
Kirishima was shocked. Of course, Bakugou is known for being an asshole, but he never goes this far, not with him.
"Leave me the fuck alone for once! Leave! I don't want you here!"
Bakugou started screaming and pointing towards his door. His hands sparkling with explosions.
"Bakugou, calm down–"
Kirishima's words cut off when Bakugou shot a mild explosion towards him, trying to push him towards the door. Kirishima managed to harden himself just in time.
"I said leave!"
He screamed so loud Kirishima thought his eardrums would pop.
He scrambled to the door quickly, shutting it behind him with a thud.
Bakugou tried to take deep breaths but all he managed was quick and sharp ones. His hand on his chest as his heart wouldn't stop beating out of his ribs.
"Fuck..."
He couldn't breathe. His whole body was shaking. He hated Kirishima. He hated his guts right now. He wanted to kill him. He was wrong about him all along. He was an awful person.
His thoughts were spiraling, but as his rage started to fade, a new feeling overtook him.
Guilt.
Unbearable, ugly guilt that made him want to rip his heart out.
He didn't hate Kirishima. He didn't do anything wrong. Why did he scream at him like that? Why did he do that? And he hurt him. He definitely injured him with that explosion. Fuck. Shit. He fucked up. He was a bad person.
Tears were falling rapidly from his eyes as he started to scream and sob, burying his hands in his hair.
He fucked up. He fucked up. He fucked up.
That thought ran through his mind on loop as he sobbed. He was choking on his own tears for what felt like hours.
When it stopped, he felt unreal. Like nothing around him was actually there and like he couldn't feel anything. Like he wasn't real and alive. He felt empty.
It was the same feeling as that one time when he walked to the roof.
The sudden urge to just hurt himself appeared. So strong he couldn't think about anything else.
He wanted to stab himself in the stomach and twist the knife.
Tears were still falling from his eyes and sobs spilled from his mouth, but now he was looking for something, anything he could hurt himself with.
When he found nothing, he pressed his hands to his upper arms and activated his quirk, burning his skin.
He kept sobbing in distress and pain. The guilt was overwhelming.
He needed to find Kirishima and apologize. He needed to throw himself off a building to show how sorry he was.
He had to find Kirishima.
Bakugou stopped the explosions, his upper arms now with second degree burns on them.
On wobbly legs, he walked out of his dorm and knocked weakly on Kirishima's door.
"Kirishima, I'm so sorry."
He said through sobs, hiccups interrupting him.
"Im so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said. I don't know what happened to me. I dont know why I said that. Im so sorry..."
He slid down the door and onto his knees right in front of Kirishima's room.
When the door opened, the redhead looked at Bakugou with worry and panic.
"Bakugou? What..."
He looked at his upper arms and red, wet face. Bakugou had an episode when he left.
And while the episode was happening and Bakugou was spiraling, once Kirishima calmed down, he started researching, and figured out that this was a split. He read that it's better to wait for the person to come to you instead of bothering them and worsening the episode.
He knew it was triggered by something he said, but that it wasn't necessarily his fault, and definitely not Bakugou's.
Kirishima kneeled down in front of Bakugou, holding his shoulders carefully.
"I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean anything I said."
The blonde kept repeating. It was so unlike him to breakdown and apologize like that. But once again, a personality disorder usually makes you do unusual stuff.
They were lucky the hallway was completely empty.
"Hey, no, look, I'm alright. It's okay, I'm not mad, I'm not hurt. I was a little upset but it's okay now. Don't apologize, it's not your fault, I understand."
Kirishima said, wrapping his arms around Bakugou, careful of his injuries.
"Im sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it."
The redhead only pulled him closer.
"I know. I know."
He pulled Bakugou up to his feet and once they were both in his room, he closed the door behind them, sitting Bakugou down on his bed.
"Breathe, Katsuki. Breathe."
He used his name to make sure it would get through to him, and he succeeded, as it visibly made him calmer.
Kirishima kept hugging his bestfriend close, slowly rocking them back and forth while brushing his hand through the blonde's hair softly.
After what felt like hours, Bakugou finally calmed down, hiccups still leaving his mouth.
"Are we okay now?"
The redhead asked sweetly, slowly pulling away.
Bakugou only nodded.
"Do you want me to tell you what happened?"
Bakugou nodded again, tired eyes looking into Kirishima's.
"You had a split, and it was followed by an episode."
The blonde tilted his head in confusion.
"A split happens when your beliefs about something or someone completely change. Black and white thinking, remember?"
Bakugou nodded, remembering their conversation about it.
"And then you had an episode right after. That's why you did this and that's where all the emotions are from."
Kirishima explained, pointing at the blonde's burns.
"Im sorry..."
He croaked out.
"Don't be. It's not your fault. It just happens, okay?"
Bakugou nodded again.
"Let me take care of these, hm?"
The redhead pointed to the burns again.
"Okay."
Wrapping up Bakugou's arms in bandages after applying ointment, Kirishima kept a soft expression on his face.
He noticed how tired the blonde was from his episode, and he finished up with the first aid.
"You know you're gonna have to talk to Mr. Aizawa about this, right?"
Kirishima said, seeing Bakugou nod. He promised Aizawa to let him know if anything happened, just in case.
"We'll talk to him in the morning. Come on, under the covers."
Kirishima said, pushing Bakugou down on the bed and under the sheets.
"I can just go back to my dorm–"
Bakugou said quietly, too drained to try and argue louder.
"I'm not letting you out of my sight tonight. Move a little so I can fit too."
The blonde was a bit shocked, but he complied, moving further towards the wall.
As Kirishima slipped under the covers next to his bestfriend, he raised his arm, offering a comforting position.
Bakugou hesitated for a while, but with a grunt he laid his head on Kirishima's chest in a cuddle.
A long moment of silence followed.
"Thank you."
Bakugou said softly, already half asleep.
Kirishima only smiled, running his hand through the blonde's hair.