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saudade

Summary:

Sometimes I think about young Wu Xi, all alone in foreign land, and I think he deserves time to feel homesick, and even more, he deserves to be comforted and cuddled a bit.

Written for Danmei Gotcha for Gaza: treescape requested Wu Xi/Jing Beiyuan hurt/comfort - I hope you'll like this silly thing!

Notes:

The Danmei Gotcha is accepting prompts through August 31, 2024 or when our creators reach capacity. There are over 100 fandoms. Check out their carrd for more details!
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(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The night was calm, with only the faint rustling of leaves to interrupt the serene silence. Wu Xi, hiding his somber expression below dark veil sat beneath an ancient oak tree. The massive branches stretched out above him, their dark silhouettes etched against the starlit sky. It was well past hour of chǒu yet sleep wasn’t welcoming him. Sneaking past sleeping Ashinlae he went out into the spacious yard to catch sight of wide expanses of the sky. This place was his refuge, a quiet spot away from the bustle of imperial court and its schemes. But tonight, even the peaceful ambiance of this familiar tree failed to soothe the ache in his chest. Tonight, he felt small, left alone in faraway land, like a last autumn leaf trembling in face of incoming winter. Despite it all, there was no mistaking it: he missed home, a longing so deep that it seemed to coil around his heart like a murderous serpent, tightening with each passing day.

The stars above twinkled brightly, a shining spots in the deep blanket of darkness. He gazed up at them, his mind drifting back to the nights he had spent on the roof with The Great Shaman, looking at the very same sky, learning about constellations out there, high above the clouds. But here, in this foreign, strange land, even the stars seemed different: colder, less bright, distant. He had tried, again and again, to find the familiar constellations, to trace their patterns across the sky, but with his mind in disarray and anxiety building under his skin, it was difficult to find comfort tonight.

He sighed deeply, his breath creating white clouds in the cool night air. He tried to ground himself by remembering some of Nanjiang’s tales of the stars but his sadness was choking him, forcing to gasp for air. Shamanet leaned back against the rough bark of the oak, his eyes tracing the stars once more, hoping against hope that tonight he would find solace in sparkling constellations, something that would bridge the gap between here and home. But the sky remained stubbornly foreign, and warmth of his memories contrasted sharply with the cold loneliness he felt. He closed his eyes, trying to stay calm despite everything and that was when he heard crash, then grunt, and finally breathy swear. His eyes opened immediately, looking into the darkness for familiar spot of white clothes. And yes, unmistakably, here he was, with elegant, light-colored robes, with wind swiped hair and red cheeks  that told the story of late night of indulgence.

„Jing Beiyuan?” asked Wu Xi, already chastising himself for how weak his voice sounded. He coughed and tried again, his voice thankfully more firmly now. „What are you doing here in the middle of the night? This is a private residence”.

„Ah!” Jing Qi exclaimed, his smile blinding. He was drinking, that was evident. Without answering, he strolled closer, looking at Wu Xi sitting alone under old tree. Something about the way he just spoke, and his slumped shoulders, made Beiyuan take a closer look at the Shamanet. Then, all courtesy be damned, he sat down beside him, leaning back against tree. With Wu Xi still unmoving, Beiyuan’s grin brightened. „Happy to see you didn’t set any snakes on me yet! That surely means I’m welcomed. What are we up to, hmm? Brainstorming for deadly tonics?”

„You’re drunk” Wu Xi’s deadpan expression made Jing Qi laugh. „Yes, I am. I might be, I’m not sure” he agreed lightly. „I had a rough day, and I can imagine it’s similar for you. So do tell me, little poison – what are we doing right now?”

Wu Xi blinked, considering his options. He might really set some snakes on this infuriating man to regain his peace... He could shout, even – making sure Jing Beiyuan would be removed from courtyard. He could also...

„I’m… just looking at the stars” it sounded weak, again. Sad. He looked at another man, searching for some signs of pity in his eyes, but there was none of it there. Contrary, those eyes, sparkling with mischief turned away from him and up, towards the stars. Silence fell around them, one that was comfortable, but bordering on a verge of tiring. Wu Xi felt again his own helplessness and longing for familiarity. Just as he was preparing to ask Jing Beiyuan to leave, the man started talking again. „Beautiful night, isn’t it?” His voice was filled with awe while he looked at starry sky above. „Did you know there is constellation up there called „Drunkard’s bottle?” he asked suddenly in a conspiratorial tone.

Wu Xi startled, looking at him as bewildered. What next? Beiyuan's going to tell him he’s able to bear children or that he can transform into a cunning fox?

„Yes! Dunkard’s bottle! You heard me right” Beiyuan continued. „It isn’t wildly know, and I wouldn’t expect oh great Shamanet to know about, but it is right here” He pointed with his hand, and Wu Xi, indulging him, looked up as well. Despite unfamiliarity he felt before, he knew those stars quite well.  He took a deep breath and turned his eyes back at the one sitting next to him. „Beiyuan, that’s... Shēn Xiù.”

Beiyuan gasped, putting hand over his heart. „Are you doubting me? I’ll let you know, I am well versed in constellations and stories behind them. This is obviously Drunkard’s bottle, and there is a fantastic tale about how it became stars – would you like to hear it?”

Wu Xi looked at him silently for a long while, debating if he truly was drunk… or just pretending. But he would lie if he said that just by being here, Beiyuan was able to already lift his mood. He nodded, sitting more comfortably, listening to the tale.

„There was once a mighty warrior…” Jing Qi started with flourish, listing various achievements of said warrior. „But after all was done, that warrior decided he had enough – he wanted way out, and he wanted to live the last years of his life in peace, wasting his days on drinking and lazying in the sun. And what he decided, he did. He left his mansion and wandered jianghu, making few stops from time to time, drinking good wine and watching pretty girls. It was a life he imagined! But then, one day, he stumbled against little devilish fiend, disguised as great beauty. They talked, and then fight happened between them, during which his faithful bottle slipped from his hand and was thrown high, high above the ground… so high it reached the stars, when it stayed to this day.” Beiyuan finished his tale, winking. „Of course, only those that could appreciate good liquor know about this story”

Shamanet raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced with this story. „I see. I must be really blessed then, having you telling me about this”. He shook his head, but small smile appeared on his face. Seeing this, Beiyuan throwed his arm around Wu Xi’s shoulder, continuing his rambling. „Of course! Everything for you, little venom. And that’s not the only story I could tell you.” With Wu Xi in his grasp, Beiyuan pointed to the sky again. „See those stars? Those are of course the seven beautiful sisters that our warrior saw during his journeys. They laughed and danced with him and when he left them, they cried so much and vowed to follow him. Unable to do it in person, their souls flied and got stuck in the stars, looking for him over and over during long nights.”

Wu Xi smile grown at that, and he shook his head again, letting out a small laugh. „You’ll surely earn a large sum if you ever became a storyteller.” The absurdity of those stories and Beiyuan’s earnest face, as if he truly believed them, created a serene atmosphere and helped him relax. He felt warmth and peace fill him, and he leaned back against the tree – and Beiyuan’s arm, as he was still keeping him in his grasp. “Thank you,” he said after a moment, his voice quiet and soft. Beiyuan’s gentle smile told him, that there was no gratitude necessary, and he felt like he could breathe a little easier. He tried to lean more of his weight on Jing Qi, experimentally, and that, too, make him feel less anxious. Beiyuan smiled at him, and they sat together, eyes once again looking into the night sky. Occasionally one of them would point out another constellation and tell story about it – sometimes true, sometimes (mostly in Beiyuan’s case) absolutely ridiculous, forcing more and more timid smiles and quiet laughter from Wu Xi. The snake who ate his own tail, the mighty ox who traversed the high mountains, the card-playing maiden…

Wu Xi’s eyelids started to grow heavy as solid warmth of Beiyuan’s body and his steady voice were lulling him into sleep. His head was bending down, finally resting on Beiyuan shoulder, as his body relaxed. Not long after he was sleeping, feeling at peace finally. It was as if he found the place he belonged to: in Jing Qi’s arms.

After his final story reached the end, Beiyuan lowered his eyes, looking at the sleeping boy. He reached out to gather him more firmly into his arms, smoothing out his robes and stray wisps of hair that covered Wu Xi’s face. Myriad of different emotions stirred within him, as he glanced up at the sky again. Stars were twinkling, and Shēn Xiù began to be more and more visible, promising upcoming change of season. But for now, everything was silent. For now, they slept.

Notes:

saudade: a longing for something so indefinite as to be indefinable