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Azriel landed just outside of the gated yard at the River House, sending his shadows slithering through the darkness. He wasn't sure if she wanted to see anyone, but he had to talk to her. It was only after spending the twilight punching his worries into the training log at Windhaven that he was collected enough to speak to her.
Soon enough he scented jasmine wafting through the cool air, and the shadows surrounding him reflexively ducked away. The garden gate unlocked, and Elain stood before him with tousled hair and a wrinkled day gown. It seemed she hadn''t been sleeping either. What worried him was the pain on her face, the weariness in her eyes and feebleness of her body. She put a hand on the wood next to her as his guiding shadows raced back to him.
"I had to see how you were," he said, voice almost breaking.
"You heard what happened," she said, eyes falling downward.
"Eris is beastly to have said such things about you."
"It's his job to protect his court. It would have been suspicious if he had not called me out."
"But nothing he said was true-"
"I shouldn't be dragging Lucien along, acting as if there is any reason for him to have hope. I know there is nothing between us, nothing but this stupid bond, but for the sake of the Night Court I had to try-"
"Elain, I cannot blame you for wanting to help. It's what any of us would do. But nobody in this Court is expected to sell themselves for the sake of anyone else, and I don't give a damn if we lost Eris's trust because you couldn't convince him of your attachment to Lucien."
"in truth, I've brought this upon myself. It's like I've been holding out for someone better, for a chance at something real, and that belief slipped through when I tried to act as though I cared for Lucien. The desperation and misplaced hope I had when I spoke of him. A sad, stupid girl who believed she might possibly have a chance of love." Elain turned as if to go back inside. Azriel considered grabbing her arm, but held back.
"You must not say such things." He again resisted the urge to touch her, this time to take her hand. Just because he had messed things up with her on Solistice and nearly lost all hope, didn't allow him to be reckless with her. She was vulnerable and all he could allow himself to want was to make sure she knew her value. Perhaps a return to the shadows was for the best. As soon as he was assured that she was alright.
"Azriel..." she said so softly no human would've heard her, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," he said, desperate to make all things right.
"Would...would you kiss me?" Her eyes rose to meet his.
Azriel didn't have the words. "Elain-"
"It would not have to mean anything," she stammered, "and I would never expect anything from you because of it, but I have not been kissed since my engagement and I'm not certain I ever will be again." She sucked in a breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I could die tomorrow-"
"You are not going to die tomorrow-" Azriel started.
"But I could and it would kill me-"
Still trying to comprehend what she was asking him, he said, "But you would already be dead-"
"I do not wish to die without having been kissed. Without being touched by someone who is not cruel. The only kiss I have experienced was by a man who did not love me once I had changed, and Az, I know that my value is not determined by my attachments, but it matters to me that I feel the affections of someone who cares."
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴. Was she remembering their moment on Solstice? Or did she see him as a friend, as family? Azriel supposed it meant she didn't think him uncaring for turning her away.
And Cauldron, did he want to kiss her. He had been dreaming of her, of those lips, for years. But she was vulnerable, and he was not to get near her. As much as he hated Rhys's order, he knew that he could not break it without risking Elain. He would take too much, and a kiss would reveal how much he desired to be with her.
Her silver-lined eyes bore into him. "Please," she begged.
It wasn't a good idea. There were countless opportunities for both of them to regret this. But there she was, standing on the edge of the garden, asking for him to show he cared. To prove she was desirable. To prove she had a chance at real love.
He couldn't deny her that.
Azriel approached her slowly, his heart thundering as he held his face near hers, so similar to that night. It would devastate her if he turned away again. It would kill him as well. So he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
Her embrace was nervous, and as soft as he had dreamed of. Delicate and new and lovely.
He pulled back to look into her eyes. Gone was the sadness, the self-loathing he knew so well. They were replaced by a new sort of boldness, and an emotion he couldn't place.
"Elain," he murmured, barely able to contain his longing.
"Azriel," she whispered, before covering his lips with her own. She kissed him more fiercely, with enough skill to remind him that this wasn't her first time, and he moved along with her. He tasted her lips and brought a hand to her chin as his shadows carressed her face, while her soft hands dug into his hair.
In all of his centuries, he had never felt the way he did now, as Elain claimed him and moved with him. Her scent entangled with his, and for once, it seemed that all was right.
Not nearly enough time passed before her lips broke from his. "Thank you," she murmured, before removing her hands from him and stepping back. With one last glance, she turned toward the house and walked back inside.
Azriel was left standing outside the open gate with what he knew to be the most idiotic of expressions. If he hadn't been left breathless and desperate for her before, he certainly was now.