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Kim could only stare back at the smirking man sitting across from him. They were sitting outside a café, accompanied by two small cups of coffee that seemed to endlessly release steam into the air. The scenery and other patrons seated around them were a blur, almost as if Kim wasn’t wearing his glasses, yet the man before him was in clear focus. The Lieutenant recalled that this was that man’s favorite place to frequent during their free time.
“Ah, should’ve ordered the croissants. The coffee here never hit quite as good unless I was slamming back a pastry or two.”
Kim’s silence persisted. The other man picked up his cup and took a sip. Once he placed the cup back down the white table surface, he laid both his hands and drummed the edge of the table. Even though he couldn’t bring himself just yet to speak, Kim’s eyes followed his companion’s every small movement.
What does he have to be nervous for? He thought. He’s not even real. At least not anymore.
“Still prefer that I do all the talking, huh? Ha, just like the good ol’ days.”
Was there even anything left to say to him? How many times now has Kim come here? How many times has he sat in this very chair and peered back at the memory before him? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Eyes sighed and took another swig of his coffee. He knew the Lieutenant all too well, and that both delighted and frustrated him. He didn’t particularly like that they kept coming back to this place. The café itself wasn’t the issue - goodness, never - he could never talk bad about the comfortable seating and variety of pastries. He missed the sounds of baristas shouting coffee orders and customers’ idle conversations. He even wondered if this place was still open.
He didn’t like being there with Kim now, because of what it meant .
Kim’s former partner leaned back in his chair and re-adjusted the jacket of his uniform. He would keep his memory of all their previous conversations in this place as long as those memories stayed within Kim’s subconscious, and now he was failing to come up with something to say in fear of repeating himself. But he had to think of something. Anything to get Kim away from here. Away from the haunting memory for good. His former partner needed to live his life.
“I’m touched you still think of me often. Tickled, even. But you’re not using me as an excuse, are you?” He asked, his smile unwavering.
“It’s good to see you,” Kim finally mustered the courage to reply. “Like this. Not the other way around.”
“Heh, and what’s that exactly?”
The two men stared at one another in silence, then Eyes’ gaze fell. He picked his cup back up to take another sip.
“Right.”
Kim looked down at his own coffee cup. “These dreams are more kind,” He said. “Yet I still wake up feeling the same as always.”
“Sounds like you’re a little obsessed,” Eyes replied. “Rather unhealthy, if you ask me. You oughta talk to somebody about that.”
“No.”
Eyes tilted his head slightly. “Nobody, huh? Guess it’s that serious. Not even, say…your new partner?”
He noticed Kim’s eyes glance back upwards to him, but a verbal response did not follow. Eyes’ curiosity was piqued.
“Is he good? At his job, I mean?”
“One of the best I’ve ever seen,” was Kim’s reply.
“But is he handsome ? More handsome than me, even?” Eyes asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.
A small scowl and cocked brow was the non-verbal response. Eyes huffed a small laugh and held up his hands.
“Kidding, just kidding…although, if the new guy’s as good as you say, might wanna at least start opening up a lot more before he figures it out himself. Might save you some stress.”
Kim shook his head. “They call him the human can-opener.”
“Human can-opener? Now that sounds dangerous, Kim. I’d be afraid to see how he handles a real can opener. But maybe that’s also really useful for a cop. How many cans have you seen him open? Has he opened yours ?”
“If only you could’ve met him. The two of you would’ve really hit it off,” Kim replied with a twinge of sadness. “You always did have a tendency to gravitate towards the vastly unusual.”
Eyes leaned forward in his seat, his chest nearly bumping into his cup. “I dunno Kim, I think you’re making me kinda jealous. Will never know the guy, but the way you’re looking right now while you’re talking about him, I might be beat.”
“I…am not trying to replace you.”
“It’s for the best if you were,” Eyes shrugged. “No fun in being hung up on some dead guy forever. Thing is, the new guy’s still alive. And something tells me he’s already had a major impact on you.”
It’s true. The bullet nestled in a small box hidden in his nightstand would attest to that. Once in a while the unusual keepsake was briefly removed from its hiding place to keep him grounded when the nights got rough. But Kim kept that detail to himself.
Eyes placed his hands on top of Kim’s folded ones. “It’s okay to think about me sometimes. Both the good and the bad. But you’re still on the surface while I’m all the way down here. Make the best of it. Quit moping around about me in your head. When it’s your time in the dirt, and it better be when you’re at least 70, then it’ll make more sense for us to meet up like this again. Maybe even mix it up for once and get some tea instead. Sound good?”
Kim nodded slowly. “I would like that very much.”
“Great! Now get the hell outta here.”
It was pitch black outside. Kim was still lying in bed, staring at the bedroom ceiling for a prolonged period of time when the phone rang. He slowly rose from the bed and slid his legs onto the floor to lean forward and bring himself to stand. He felt around for the nightstand to reach the lamp and illuminated the bedroom. After grabbing his glasses from the nightstand and placing them onto his face, he walked out of the bedroom to follow the ringing sounds coming from his small living room. Kim flicked on the light and made his way towards the phone.
For a moment he couldn’t understand who would want to call him at such an ungodly hour, but came to a very convincing prediction before reaching to where the phone was by the couch and bringing the receiver to his ear.
“This is Kitsuragi.”
“Oh, good you’re awake! Or, at least I hope you were? Or did you just wake up? Shit, did I wake you up from calling you? I’m sorry. I fucked up. I woke you up with the phone. This is Harry, by the way.”
“I know, Detective.”
“Uh. Oh. Huh. What gave it away?”
“Why are you calling at this hour?”
Harry cleared his throat. “Right. Well. I uh. Well you know, I got this fucked up head, right? And this fucked up head has a bit of a noisy cabinet kinda thing going on?”
Kim could envision Harry pointing at the side of his head as he said those words. “Please continue.”
“Even though I’m still dealing with the whole fucked up brain thing. It, ah, it reminded me I needed to ask you something. Something really important.”
Kim furrowed his brow. “So important that you were unable to wait until the next time we saw each other in person at the precinct? Or called me at a more reasonable time of the day?”
“Yup. Had to be now. Right now.”
With his free hand, Kim pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Alright. What is it you need to ask?”
For a moment Harry was silent on the other side of the line. Before Kim could ask if Harry was still even there, he finally got a response.
“What’s in front of you right now?”
Kim glanced upwards. “A window.”
“Window? Oh, good.”
“Are you asking me to look out of one?”
“What, no, no. That’s not where I’m getting at. Okay, does this window have curtains?”
Kim let out an exasperated sigh. “Is this going anywhere important? I should be sleeping.”
“You’re gonna have to trust me on this one, Kim.”
“ Officer .”
Harry chuckled. “Does the window have curtains or not?”
“Fine. Yes. Yes, the windows have curtains.”
“And what color are the curtains?”
“You’ve been to my apartment multiple times. You should know the answer to that.”
“C’mon Kim, I wanna hear some curtain colors.”
Kim couldn’t piece together what the detective’s angle was. And yet, once more he finds himself willingly going along with Harry’s little game. His curiosity always got the better of him. Kim decided to indulge him further and sat down on the couch.
“...A dark red”
“Hmm, don’t think I wanna focus on that. Okay, anything in the room that’s brighter than that?”
Kim scanned his surroundings. The phone itself was a light blue color. To his left, over by the corner was a fake houseplant with an unnatural shade of green. On his right was his orange bomber jacket hanging on a wall hook. He relayed his sightings to Harry.
“Your place sounds awful, Kim. I oughta paint the walls and make it real disco in there.”
Kim huffed. “Is that why your brain wanted you to call me? So you can give me unsolicited interior design suggestions?”
“I mean, it’s working isn’t it? You didn’t say no.”
Kim couldn’t help but smile. He should’ve figured it out from the get-go. Somehow Harry knew. Somehow he always knows. Kim realized that the reason he hadn’t hung up the phone and went back to bed by now was because he needed this. Needed to be talked down a cliff he didn’t know he was standing too close to. Needed to hear Harry’s voice.
“Sure. The walls need a fresh coat anyway. I’ll buy the paint and you can paint the walls with all the communist slogans you desire.”
He heard a small gasp. “You really mean it, Kim? Have I finally convinced you?”
“Good night, Harry.”
A boisterous laugh. “Night, Kim.”
With that, Kim hung up the phone. He got up and turned the light off, plunging the apartment back into darkness. He followed where his lamp glowed through the crack of his bedroom door, and headed inside. Kim reached towards the nightstand and opened the drawer. He rummaged through the collection of small paper manuals and filled-out crossword books until his fingers wrapped around a small box.
“Hey Kim, do you know how to skip rocks?”
The Lieutenant was broken out of his trance, his mind having gone blank while staring into the pond. He looked up at his red-headed companion who was holding a stone in her dominant hand.
“My father used to bring me here when I was very young,” Alice said. “I would watch the birds fly from tree to tree. Run around the grass. Sit by the pond here, stare into the water and point out any fish I see. Then one day, he placed a really smooth rock in my hand and showed me how it’s done.”
With a sharp flick of the wrist, the stone in her hand flew and lightly bounced along the surface of the pond before eventually sinking into the depths.
“Oh! I think that’s the farthest I’ve ever gotten it. Wish my father was here with us to see it, although he might just scoff and say he’s gotten it further. You know how he can be, sometimes.”
Kim did remember. His mind flashed to a time when her father brought a teenage Alice around the precinct. The senior officer’s harsh tone rang through the halls as he and his partner at the time were standing nearby.
“ This is what I have to deal with everyday ,” her father had said. “ Once you’re an officer here I expect you to do a hell of a lot more than sitting around gossiping and complaining about the coffee. ”
Kim recalled the younger Alice’s facial expression as her father spoke. She was looking down at the floor, silent and nodding along to his words. Afraid to disappoint him.
“Well anyway,” Alice began. “Skipping rocks is fun. I’m surprised I still remember how to do it. I don’t get to come here as often as I’d like to. Work has taken so much of my time that I sometimes forget this is even here. A nice little hideaway from it all.”
“Mhm.”
Alice kneeled down to pick up another rock. This time she came back up with two, and handed one over to Kim. He hesitated at her outstretched arm for a moment, then reached a gloved hand forward and took the stone for himself. He brought the stone close, lightly inspecting its smooth surface with his thumb.
“Skipping rocks is also a nice way to let things go,” she explained. “I like to pretend the rock is a negative emotion I’ve been holding onto and I picture myself sending that bad feeling away!”
She threw the rock and watched it skip along the pond’s surface. The second rock didn’t quite reach the same amount of distance as the first. Alice slumped her shoulders in disappointment with herself.
“Forget what I said, messing that one up just made me feel worse.”
“So what is it that you have on your mind?” Kim asked.
Alice swayed her body slightly. “Oh, it’s really not important. You’d probably just think my problems are silly.”
Kim turned to look at Alice. “I won’t. I am not a licensed professional in mental health, but if there is something eating away at you then you should be able to share with me. I would like to think we are something above acquaintances.”
Alice faced Kim, beaming at the older man. She understood that Kim was uncomfortable with sharing his emotions, but if that was the closest she could get to him calling them friends then she would gladly accept it.
“O-Oh well, you know. Keeping up with my research everyday. Making sure my sources are up to date and my records are in order. Putting up with the other officers undermining me.”
Alice looked back at the pond, folding her arms and letting out a sigh. Her expression changed to something troubled. “Me having to live up to my father’s expectations. My mother asking me over and over when I plan on getting married. The usual. I’d rather not burden you with the details.”
Kim studied the change in Alice’s body language. While he couldn’t fully relate to her troubles, he could understand how she felt. Back during THE HANGED MAN he was able to hear the smile in her voice when she thanked him joyfully over the radio for complimenting her on her help with the case. Her role at Precinct 57 was often a thankless one, despite who her father happened to be. He looked back down at the rock in his hand.
Without warning, he reeled back and threw his arm forward. The stone flew from his hand with a spin, and skipped along the pond’s surface about 9 times before sinking into the water. Alice dropped her arms to her sides in shock, and looked back and forth between the pond and her companion.
“Kim, that was amazing!” She exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.
Kim nodded towards her with a small smile. “Would you care to try again?”
Alice paused, then nodded enthusiastically. “You have to show me how you did that. I can’t believe you were holding out on me! When did you learn to throw rocks that good?”
“I used to come here as well,” Kim said while picking up another rock. “Once in a while. With a friend.”
They were staring at each other through Kim’s open apartment entrance. Kim was in the middle of cleaning when Harry had suddenly appeared at his doorstep. Kim looked Harry up and down, noticing something different about his co-worker. His face had gotten less bloated over time, but the Lieutenant noticed that Harry’s mutton chops looked recently trimmed. His clothes were surprisingly neat and ironed- a light colored button-up paired with tan shorts. The sensible combo didn’t suit Harry very well.
“I think flashier attire better suits you, Detective,” Kim said, tilting his head. “But this heat is certainly not for wearing your disco trousers.”
Harry rubbed the back of his head nervously. “Heh, yeah well. I need to do laundry. I can’t remember, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had won these clothes in a bet. Or stole them. Or got them out of the precinct lost & found. At least they don’t smell.”
“Right. Would you like to come in?”
“Hell yeah.”
Kim stepped backwards and opened his door wider to welcome the other man. Harry took a quick glance around before making his way over to the couch and swinging an arm onto the back as he sunk into the cushions and spread his legs. “You just invited a superstar cop into your home, are you not going to offer me a beverage?”
Kim stared blankly in response. “Now, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
Harry shrugged. “Oh no reason, I just happened to be around. Thought I’d stop by. Gotta love when things are convenient like that.”
Kim found that hard to believe. Harry was definitely here for a purpose. He didn’t know the Detective to do things like this without reason behind it.
“If you’re determined to interrupt my cleaning, I suppose I could get us both coffee.”
Harry threw a finger gun in Kim’s direction and leaned back on the couch while he waited. Eventually Kim returned into the room with mugs in hands. Whether they stopped somewhere during a case or were taking a break back at the precinct, they had drank coffee together enough that he knew exactly how Harry took it. He handed one of the mugs to his house guest.
“Much obliged, Lieutenant.”
Kim settled on the other side of the couch and brought his own mug close. He swirled the contents of his coffee mug before bringing it to his lips.
“Fuck!”
Kim was startled by Harry’s sudden outburst. He quickly put his mug down on the table aside the couch and turned to see what had happened. He saw a groaning Harry with one hand holding his mug in the air and the other pulling at his shirt. Kim could make out a large dark wet stain spreading down the fabric and deduced what had occurred with a sigh.
“Of fucking course,” he heard Harry mutter under his breath.
Harry stood up and made his way into the kitchen while Kim awkwardly waited on the couch. Periodically he took sips of his coffee while listening to the sounds of running water and swears. When the water turned off and the other man eventually returned, Kim looked up and realized Harry was now shirtless.
“Tried to rub the stain out best I could. Left my shirt to dry on one of the kitchen chairs if that’s okay.”
Kim nodded. Harry settled back down onto the couch next to Kim, this time much closer. Kim could feel Harry’s body heat radiating from where he was sitting.
“Only me, right?” Harry said. “Can’t even keep a shirt clean. I’m real fucking pathetic.”
“There’s no need for that,” Kim replied sternly. “Shirts can be cleaned. It’s just the two of us here. It’s not the end of the world, Detective.”
“Sorry you wasted a good cup of coffee on me.”
Kim finished his own cup and sat the now empty mug down. He turned his body towards Harry. “You were shot. I think you can handle spilling coffee onto yourself.”
Harry laughed. Kim looked down and saw how the detective’s laughter made his chest shake. He took in the sight of his thick body hair, dark strands across his pectorals and belly. He resisted the urge to run his hand through it.
Harry had stopped laughing. He was looking at him now. He definitely knew what was going through Kim’s mind. He had to know. If he didn’t know he wouldn’t be aching to close the space between them.
So he did. Harry heard Kim gasp into the kiss. He could taste coffee on his tongue. His senses were ablaze.
They broke apart to catch their breath. It was sudden yet anticipated. They didn’t wait until they regained enough composure to fully dissect the new territory they entered. Harry wrapped a furry arm around Kim and pulled them both backwards on the couch until Harry’s head was leaning against the arm rest. Kim slid upwards and placed his left hand against Harry’s cheek, leaning in to pull them into another kiss. And another. And one more. When they pulled away, they kept their faces close and looked back at one another.
“...You’re here,” Kim whispered.
“Yeah,” came Harry’s reply. That was all Kim needed to hear.
Kim turned his head to the right and moved his other hand to Harry’s shoulder. Harry let Kim’s hand slowly roam over the gun wound and mapped out the scars. They were both quiet; Harry wasn’t barraging him with questions and Kim was ever grateful for it. Kim pulled his hands away, sliding them down to the top of the larger man’s biceps. He brought his head down to Harry’s bare chest, closing his eyes. In that very moment, his heartbeat was the most wonderful and comforting sound in the entire world. Harry rested his cheek atop Kim’s head and ran a hand along the smaller man’s back. There would be time to talk later.
He was having that dream again. Only this time, something was different.
Kim and Eyes were at the café again. But they were alone. They were not sitting at a bright white table with coffee cups emanating never-ending steam. Rather, they were both standing empty-handed outside the entrance. A small sign hung on the café door that read FERMÉ in bold red letters.
“Well that’s a shame,” Eyes said, his arms folded. “You think they went on holiday?”
“I think it’s for the best,” Kim replied. “Perhaps this is a sign for what’s to come.”
Eyes dropped his arms to his sides and rotated his shoulders. “I guess you’re stuck with me in your dreams a while longer, but at least maybe now we can go somewhere else for a change. Oh, and maybe see if the new guy wants to join. He seems like he’d make for interesting conversation. Should probably avoid any bars if there are any out here, though.”
Kim smiled. “The detective is not one for tea, if you were still thinking of that.”
Eyes barked out a laugh. “You don’t say. Well, guess there’s some things that always remain the same around here. Our choice of beverage, that is.”
They both turned around and began moving away from the café. Before them was a blurred environment, but as they walked a stone path lined with tall trees came into view. Within the deep shade of the trees Kim could slightly make out the vision of a small pond.
“Think you’re right about this being a sign,” Eyes said as he placed his hands into his pockets. “But it’s more so a sign that you’re been making some real progress. We’re finally away from over there, so that tells me you’re finally ready to move on.”
They walked in silence until they reached the edge of the pond. Looking down at the surface, a reflection of their younger selves staring back at them. The memory was welcome.
“Hey.”
It was Eyes who eventually broke the silence between them. He turns towards Kim, pulling his hands out from his pockets to place one on each side of the Lieutenant’s face. He brought Kim close to place a kiss against the other man’s forehead. Kim hummed at the gesture and gently laid a hand over Eyes’ forearm. Eyes looked down to look at Kim and bring their foreheads together.
“We can skip rocks later. You still have a job to do. Now get the hell outta here.”