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yuji woke with a start, heart pounding against his chest. everything was suddenly too warm and too much. he was gasping for air, hands flying up to the collar of his shirt to pull it up with one swell motion. yuko sat up from her side of the bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
“yuji? are you okay?” she couldnt stop herself from looking at his shirtless torso when her eyes adjusted, cheeks growing red. guilt manifested in her when she brought her gaze away from his 6 pack and too his eyes that were welling with tears. she moved the blankets away, crawling towards him to hold his face in her hands. she has no idea how they ended up so far away from him during the night but it doesnt matter. she would cross oceans if it meant finding her way back to him.
“did you have a nightmare?” her voice is soft against the dark of her room.
yuji ripped his face out of her hands, bringing his own up to fist in his hair. “it never ends” he hollowly whispers, voice hoarse as if he had screamed for hours. Yuji tightens his fingers around his arms, curling around himself and starting to feel sick to his stomach again.
Yuko leans over him and grabs a glass of water, holding it against his cheek. the sudden cold makes him jerk a little, instinct telling him to grab the glass. yuko guides him to take a sip before gently taking the glass back from him.
though the water stills him for a minute, hes still stuck in the depths of his mind. yuko watched as his jaw tighten and eyes glaze over a bit. she decides to take the risk and settles herself in his lap. it is definitely a bold move for her but they went to bed cuddling and she decides to go for it anyway. yuko pushes on his chest and yuji, in his stupor falls back against the bed. when he shows no sign of struggle or moving, she trails her hands up over his chest and biceps. her hands snake across his forearms before she guides his hands away from his hair and into her hands, pinning them slightly to the bed. she looks down as she straddles him, eyes meeting his.
“you said that…” she bites her lip, unsure of if she is taking the right approach in calming him. “you said i make everything feel okay, right?”
she lowers herself a little, releasing his hands and placing her forearms on either side of his head.
he nods as if he is in a daze.
“so focus on me,” she says. “okay?”
yuji hesitantly brings his hands up, finding a resting spot on the crook between her hips and upper thighs. “it feels so selfish.” he whispered, guilt seeping through his tone. “to feel content and sated around you when so much has been fucked up. when its irreparable.”
Yuko places her hand on his cheek again, caressing it. “yuji,” she shakily releases her breath. “not everything wrong in the world is your fault.”
“but what if it was?”
her hands tightened slightly. “it’s not.” she said firmly.
“yuko, you dont get it. it was my fault. it is.”
she stared into his eyes for a moment before responding. “did you mean to do it? hurt those many people?”
“no, of course not. they’re my friends.” his eyes welled up with tears. “were my friends.”
“then that’s all that matters. you did not choose to hurt them- somebody used you to do that. it doesn’t make it your fault.”
yuji didn’t respond, hands slowly stroking her legs.
“don’t you get it?” she breathed. “you might be mad at yourself. expect yourself to have been stronger to not let the mistakes happen in the first place.”
“but nobody can go back time. we can only take what we learned and do better next time.” she looked at him resolutely. “so don’t feel bad for trying to move on. you will mourn those you’ve lost, but don’t keep punishing yourself for their death.”
“i didn’t know them. but i know that they wouldn’t want you to suffer more. they would want you to be happy.”
yuko shifted to grab the glass of water she offered yuji earlier. speaking in the middle of the night when you just woke up is no joke. after she put the cup down, she found her hands being held firmly in his hands.
she yelped as he flipped them, unsure of how she was over him and then under him in a few seconds.
he looked at her as he pinned her to the bed and she was relieved to see the tears in his eyes gone.
“how do you always know what to say?” Yuji lowered himself on top of her and tucked his face in the crook of her neck.
the weight of him was grounding and she breathed in his slightly musky but pine-y scent.
“maybe i just know you.” she whispered hesitantly.
“yeah. you do.” his voice was low in her ear and she would be lying if she said it didn’t affect her at all.
he turned his face and softly kissed her cheek.
yuko felt her face flush at the gesture. she wrapped her arms around him, spreading her legs a little wider so he could settle himself between them.
“good night, yuji.”
“night, yuko. breakfast in the morning?”
she smiled as she remembered the last time he spent the night and burnt eggs the next morning.
“obviously.” she brought her hand up and tugged lightly on a lock of his hair. “but im cooking this time.”
he snorted as he recalled the eggs. “fine by me.”
yuji tightened his hands around her and pulled the blanket up, trapping the heat between them.
cuddling with yuko all night and getting breakfast with her in the morning might not fix the world, or make up for all that happened in gojo’s absence. it did make him feel okay for once, though. like he had the strength to fix it.
with yuko, he could do anything.