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1.
Noel isn't sure whether he should consider himself lucky or unlucky to be sitting behind the new Ukrainian boy in math. His name is Misha Bachynskyi, which Noel finds out a few days into junior year. Even from behind, he's the most beautiful person Noel has ever seen. He has a head of chestnut curls that he always keeps flattened under a black baseball cap, and always wears his uniform shirt unbuttoned and untucked. Noel counts himself lucky that he sits at the back of the classroom so nobody can really see him when he zones out and catches himself staring at the back of Misha's head.
Despite sharing a lot of their classes, they never really speak. Noel thinks he's only heard the other boy's voice two or three times in the month or so that he's been here. It's only to be expected when the closest they come to interacting is Noel gazing at the back of Misha's head every day.
One day, Noel sees Misha reach to scratch at his neck under his unbuttoned shirt collar. The drag of the other boy's fingers lifts a chain of dark metal around his neck, causing it to be visible for a few seconds. Noel freezes where he sits, eyes focused on metal against skin. Fuck, he thinks vaguely.
Noel always wanted to wear a necklace. Not necessarily like the one Misha had (he'd probably get his nose broken for calling it a necklace when it's so clearly some kind of gangster symbol of hypermasculinity), but something dainty and silvery, with a ruby pendant. He had considered it before, sneaking into his mother's room and running his hands over her collection of jewellery, but had always chickened out. Maybe if he gets a simple chain like Misha's?
Even as the thought forms, Noel knows that it wouldn't work. Misha radiates masculinity and heterosexuality. Nobody would dare question him for wearing any kind of jewellery when it so clearly fits with his image. No matter what Noel wears, it looks gay. He could take Misha's hat off his head and wear it in the exact same way as Misha does, and he'd still get called a queer.
Noel absentmindedly reaches behind him and brushes his fingers against his own neck. God, he's so jealous. He spends the rest of the class staring at the skin of Misha's neck. It gets to the point that he's memorised the placement of the moles dotted across the other boy's skin, and all Noel can think is that he wishes he was more like Misha.
Now that Noel knows it's there, he can't stop seeing the necklace. When Misha bends to drop his bag at his desk, Noel watches for a glint of silver around his throat. He imagines touching the chain, fingertips brushing against cool metal and hot skin. And then he has to stop imagining that before the blush he can feel forming becomes noticeable. Noel finds himself wondering what Misha would do if he found out how much Noel thinks about him. It's not like he has a crush or anything, he's not that stupid, but ever since he saw the necklace for the first time, it's just about the only thing he can think of.
Misha's gorgeous, anyway. Noel knows he has his pick of any of the girls in Uranium, even if they don't like his personality. Noel doesn't even particularly like Misha's personality. He just seems like a homophobe, even though he's never said anything bad to Noel. He probably just can't be bothered to bully him, because Noel is sure that he knows. The gayest boy in town is infamous, especially in school, and Noel has no doubt that someone has pulled Misha aside and warned him to stay away from the creepy homo, like Noel's obsessed with every single pretty guy in Uranium. The other boys in school think that if they dare say so much as a single word to Noel that isn't an insult, he'll follow them home and infect them. Maybe murder them and keep their skin for his collection.
Noel is perfectly happy to stay anonymous in Misha's books. It's not like they'll ever have to interact. Misha skips school to go smoke and drink in a field. Noel does choir and works at Taco Bell. The Venn diagram of their lives is two perfect circles, about a mile apart.
Still, after seeing the necklace, Noel works up the courage to go into the Claire's across from the food court where he works and buy a couple of rings and necklaces. He says they're for a birthday present, but he places the little paper bag in his pocket almost reverentially. The jewellery gets hidden behind a stack of books on his desk, only to be worn in the house when his mom isn't home. He wonders if he'll ever let himself wear a necklace hidden under his clothes in public.
2.
Noel is just walking past Claire's after a weekend shift at Taco Bell when he's forced to stop in his tracks. He wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings but he happened to glance up at the right moment to see Misha Bachynskyi sitting in a chair inside the shop, hands in his pockets as one of the workers lines up a piercing gun with his earlobe.
Noel's mouth goes dry and he doesn't even register that he's standing in the middle of the mega mall like an actual creep. He can only thank God that Misha's back is turned to him, and he watches speechlessly as Misha's shoulders tense at the sting of the needle. Noel can feel his heart in his throat as he forces himself to keep walking. He only hopes that it was somebody else that he saw, although he can't think of anybody else who would be wearing a baseball cap with a crown on it indoors.
His mom looks at him strangely when he slides into the passenger seat. "You look flushed, baby," she tells him. "Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should lie down when we get home."
Noel agrees, and spends the rest of the day watching The Blue Angel in bed. He needs a while to remember how to interact normally with people. He's never seen a boy with piercings before. It's just not something that's done in Uranium City. Holy shit, he thinks dimly to himself. He's going to have such a massive crush when he goes back to school.
Noel is one of the first people to arrive at school on Monday. The maths teacher glances up from his work as Noel rushes in with his head down, making a beeline for his seat. He doesn't dare to look up until class has already started, hoping that everyone else would be distracted enough that they wouldn't notice if Noel started to blush.
Misha is leaning back in his chair with his hands in his pockets, and Noel can just about see the back of an earring on his left earlobe. He desperately wants to see it from the front. Noel can't decide if Misha is the type of person to keep it simple or go tacky. Probably both, depending on his mood. He can't imagine that Misha would care what people have to say about the giant gold dollar sign in his ear, but Noel can just as easily imagine a simple silver or black stud in that spot.
Noel fucking hates crushes. There's nothing worse than being the only gay boy in a small, rural high school. Not only is there no chance of any of his crushes ever reciprocating feelings, there's an extremely high possibility that he'd get his teeth knocked in if anyone found out. He even has to be careful where he happens to be looking if his eyes glaze over in class. He's been cornered once or twice because he accidentally stared at a guy for a fraction of a second too long. And from what he can tell, Misha would be ten times worse. He's seen the boy saunter in to class half an hour late with a black eye, bruised knuckles and a wad of toilet paper held to his face to stop his bleeding nose. Noel is no stranger to taking a beating, and Misha is clearly no stranger to administering them. Math, already hated, becomes Noel's least favourite subject by far. At least in his other classes he can pretend that Misha doesn't exist.
Noel gets his first good look at Misha's piercing a few days later, when Misha spins a pen right out of his fingers and into Noel's face. Noel lets out a little yelp of astonishment and clutches at his eye, cheeks burning as he listens to the other kids laughing. He can't tell if it was on purpose or not, but then Misha is crouching in front of his desk to pick his pen back up and apologising in heavily accented English.
"Is your eye okay, homie?" he asks, and Noel flushes.
"It's fine," he answers shakily, still covering it with the palm of one hand. Misha is looking directly at him for the first time ever, and Noel can't help but stare at the little silver ball in his ear.
"Sorry," Misha says again, and then he turns around and sits back in his chair.
"Nice one, Bachynskyi," someone shouts from across the room, but Misha ignores them. Noel lets out a quiet groan and buries his head in his arms. Now he has an actual interaction to overthink. Did Misha look disgusted when Noel opened his mouth to speak? He'd seemed genuine enough when he was apologising, but for all Noel knew, Misha could be a famous Ukrainian child actor who had been acting since he could talk. Somehow, that seemed more likely than Misha Bachynskyi of all people saying sorry to Noel Gruber, resident queer.
Noel doesn't look at Misha once for the rest of the week just in case. And then Misha walks into class with a brand new black stud, far more noticeable than the last one, and suddenly Noel is quite sure that he's actually in love. Are piercings more common in Ukraine? Is it a sign of masculinity and uber-straightness to wear a lot of jewellery? Noel finds himself wishing that he'd been born literally anywhere else. He goes home that night and tries on his rings in his room, admiring the dainty silver bands and tiny cheap replicas of precious stones. If only he were brave enough to get a piercing as well. Maybe it would get Misha to talk to him again.
Noel's face heats at the memory of Misha's voice. He called him homie, for God's sake Noel's life is so unbelievably unfair, he thinks. A gorgeous European who wears jewellery comes to Noel's school, and he's somehow the straightest person Noel has ever met. Fuck his life.
3.
Misha doesn't seem to wear any new jewellery for the rest of the year. Occasionally he'll swap the flat black stud out for a silver ball, and sometimes Noel will catch a glimpse of his necklace, which happens considerably more often when Misha is forced to join the choir near the end of the school year. The only bad thing about Misha joining is that Noel is forced to live with the fact that he has an online fiancée. He'll pull up pictures every now and then, and even Noel has to admit that she's a beautiful girl. He's sure that Misha and Talia will be perfectly happy together in Ukraine while he's off living the dream of being a hooker in Paris.
They are barely two weeks into their senior year of high school when they ride the Cyclone and die. They are transported to some stupid magical warehouse to sing and dance for some freaky fortune telling machine, and for the first time, Noel feels safe interacting with people his own age. He always knew that Constance was nice, of course, but he'd never really seen her away from Ocean, whom he hated. And despite knowing Ricky for basically all their lives, Noel had never really bothered to get to know him. He felt incredibly guilty about that now, but figured he'd just make up for lost time before five of them were killed for good. The other girl with the doll's head is her own creature altogether, and Noel can't help but feel pity for her.
But by far the worst thing about dying and having to sing for your life against a group of your classmates, in Noel's opinion, was the fact that Misha was there too. Noel can dimly remember the two of them clutching onto each other as the roller-coaster derailed which he thinks brought them closer together. And honestly, he doesn't want to be quiet and shy anymore when he's dead anyway. Finally he has a brief amount of time where he can actually be himself, and he's not going to waste it. Because he already knows that he's not going to be the one coming back. He can't stomach the thought of voting for himself when Misha is right there, overflowing with love and passion for his Talia.
Noel thinks that maybe Karnak knows that he's already given up on his second chance, because the machine gives him the best gift he has ever received. After Ocean's song, when Noel stands up to be introduced, he already knows exactly how this is going to play out. Being choreographed is a strange feeling. It's like your brain is filled with mist, and all you can do is look out through your own eyes and sing the words that need to appear. So Noel is not surprised when he strips off his uniform and ends up in a black satin slip dress and torn fishnet stockings.
The chance to express himself isn't the real gift that he was given. That comes at the start of the second verse, when he sees Misha walking towards him across the floor of the warehouse and just knows what role the boy is playing. Noel's legs remain steady as he makes his way over, but inside his head is spinning with nerves. When Misha whips out a rose, Noel knows that he is going to prick his thumb. For fuck's sake, he's written about this exact scenario before. He knows what will happen as surely as he knows himself. He isn't surprised when his hand flies up to slap Misha's face, or when the Ukrainian takes a shocked step back. And he gets to watch dimly as the boy's eyes darken with passion and they fly towards each other to tangle together in a kiss.
This is when Noel realises just what kind of present Karnak has given him, because he feels Misha's tongue brush against his lip along with the slide of cold metal. A piercing, he realises dizzily. When they pull away, Noel's mouth is parted in shock and Misha's eyes are partially glazed over. The rest of the song is sung by what feels like muscle memory, as though Noel has been dancing this way since he started to walk. His mind is filled with the sensation of the metal ball in Misha's mouth pressing against Noel's lips.
When the song ends, Noel can barely think. He hardly hears Misha's reaction, or Ocean's, and simply reaches up to twirl a lock of her red hair around his finger absentmindedly. It feels as though part of his stomach was left behind on the Cyclone. His legs are shaking when he stands up to bring the chair and rose back to wherever they were found.
Noel tunes back in just in time to hear Ocean tell Misha that there is a difference between affection and smut, and the newfound confidence that Karnak has given him allows him to quip back. Then he gratefully flees behind a stack of boxes to change into his uniform again.
He stays back there with his head buried in his shaking hands, trying to forget the feeling of Misha's mouth against his. He knows that the kiss wasn't his fault, and at least Misha didn't seem to mind. Something about men kissing being natural back in Ukraine. Noel isn't entirely sure that he believes that, but he's definitely not going to question it if that's the only way Misha can cope with just having kissed another boy.
Noel wonders briefly if he can just stay where he is until the vote, but then he hears more music start and feels his muscles start to tingle with the choreography. So he makes his way behind the curtain, half listening to Misha's muffled voice, and finds Constance holding out a pair of sunglasses for him.
Misha's song is exactly what Noel expected. Bad autotune, half-assed lyrics about how great his life is, and hips moving relentlessly. It seems as though Misha doesn't even care about the competition, like so far Ocean is the only one fighting to be brought back. But then the song ends, and Misha is standing there with his chest heaving and his mouth wobbling.
"My rage has subsided," he says, handing the mic to Ricky. Everyone wanders away in confusion, not entirely sure how to react. And then music starts again, and Noel finds himself putting on some kind of loose white shirt, along with Ricky.
"Is Misha singing again?" Ricky asks in confusion, and Noel can only shrug. When they come back onto the main floor of the warehouse, Noel realises that it's a song about Misha's internet fiancée. Great, he thinks bitterly, then catches himself guiltily. He's never seen Misha so full of anything besides anger before. And he definitely didn't realise how well the boy could sing. When the song ends, Noel finds himself reaching out to touch Misha's shoulder, now entirely certain of his vote. He just needs to find a way to get everyone else to agree.
He is given yet another gift, this time by Ocean. Love conquers all is such an overdone cliché that Noel almost shudders to hear it, but then Misha's hands are on his cheeks and tears are streaming down the other boy's face. And when Misha's arms wrap tightly around him in a hug, Noel thinks that maybe it's not that bad after all.
After the party they throw for the girl with no head, Noel finds a spot to sit by himself and wallow in pity. Of course he only becomes close to his crush when they're literally less than an hour away from properly dying. He's surprised when Misha sits down next to him and offers a bottle, but he still accepts it. It would be a terrible shame to die without ever being drunk. He thinks it's the drink that gives him the courage to thank Misha for being his first kiss. Misha doesn't seem to mind, and he goes on to talk about how just looking at Noel makes him want to weep from the tragedy of it all. Noel smiles, and flushes, and hopes that he can blame it on the alcohol. He leans his head on Misha's shoulder for a moment in thanks, and then pulls away again. Ricky seems to be talking to the other girl, but all Noel can focus on is Misha.
"When did you get your tongue pierced?" he asks, and then claps his hand over his mouth in horror. He really didn't want Misha to know that he had been thinking about their kiss, and now he'd gone and shown just how much of a freak he was. Misha just grins at him and sticks his tongue out to show off the dull silver ball.
"Did it at start of summer, for fun." Noel nods silently, too embarrassed to say anything, and Misha pokes him in the side with a laugh. "Noel, is fine. No need to be shy. We are homies, yes?"
Noel just nods again and buries his face in his hands. "Can I have more vodka, please," he asks awkwardly, and Misha laughs again.
"Sure. Might as well spend our last moments drunk."
Noel laughs a bit at that, and tips his head back to drink. He relishes the burn at the back of his throat, wanting to hold onto any proof that he was still somewhat alive. He has only now begun to realise that these are actually his final moments. "Who do you think is going to come back?" Noel asks.
Misha frowns and takes the bottle back from him. It's a while before he speaks, and when he does he sounds far more bitter than Noel had expected. "I think nobody. Unanimous vote means everybody votes for same person, yes?" Noel nods and rests his chin on his hands, waiting for Misha to continue.
"Ocean will never vote for anyone except herself and I will not vote for Ocean, so nobody can come back. If question was who I want to come back, I think either you or girl with no head." Misha looks so defeated as he stares into the distance and takes another drink that Noel's heart breaks for him.
"I think you deserve to go back," Noel admits. "Honestly, I'd already decided that even before your songs."
"Why?" Misha asks, and Noel can't help but laugh at how much he sounds like Ocean.
"I don't know, really. You just seem like the person who has a life most worth living."
"Don't say that," Misha says. He puts the bottle down on the floor and awkwardly touches Noel's hand. "You could be great poet if you went back."
Noel just shrugs and pulls away a bit. He doesn't want to cry in front of Misha. "Yeah, but how could I live with myself knowing that I basically killed all the rest of you? I think Ricky had the right idea, conceding. Besides, there's nothing for me in Uranium and I don't think bringing me back to life so I can go be a sex worker in France is a great idea."
He turns his face away and tries to wipe his eyes surreptitiously. Misha doesn't seem to notice, and if he does then he has no time to say anything before Ocean lets out a shrill squeak of pain.
"You just punched me in the fricking boob," she gasps, and Noel watches as Constance's face hardens and she lowers her fist.
"Sorry."
Things end up going wrong anyway, because when do they not? After Constance's song, Karnak says that Ocean is the one who will make the decision over who will go back. Noel wants to scream and punch something over how unfair it is, but then Ocean hesitates. The way back to life is right there, and she doesn't walk through.
It turns out that she hesitates for too long, because then the warehouse goes dark and sparks start to fly from Karnak's box. The choir screams and huddles together, mere inches away from the portal back to life. When the sparks die down, they lift their heads cautiously. Noel is gripping onto Misha again like he did at the start, but this time Misha doesn't pull away.
"Aw, man," Constance whimpers. "Are we just stuck here, then?"
The girl with the doll tilts her head and points at the way back. "It's still open," she says in that echoing voice.
Ocean shivers and pulls away from the group. "Um, guys?" she says. "I have an idea." She takes a dreamy half-step towards the portal. "Why don't we all go through? If the portal is still open then we all come back to life, and if it isn't then at least we'll be together."
She turns and takes Constance's hand, gripping it tightly. Constance in turn reaches to her right and takes Noel's hand. Noel hesitates briefly before feeling Misha's hand slip into his. Misha's face is tight with fear but his hand is warm and steady. Ricky and the other girl grab on as well, and together the choir steps forward, back into the light.
The first thing that Noel feels when he wakes up is pain. The second thing he feels is a profound sense of relief that he's even awake at all. He's lying in what looks like a hospital ward. When he turns to his left he sees Ricky, lying there with a tube up his nose. He looks peaceful, Noel thinks. When he turns his head to the right he sees Misha, who is sitting up in his bed and staring at his phone.
Noel doesn't know what to do. Yes, they became a lot closer in the warehouse, but would that carry over to real life? He doesn't have to worry for long, however, because Misha catches sight of him and his face breaks into a relieved grin. The other boy almost leaps out of the bed, and Noel barely has time to register the cast on his arm before Misha is dropping to his knees and flinging his good arm around Noel's neck.
Noel's heart skips a beat and he lets out a shocked breath before his eyes flicker closed and he melts into the hug. He hasn't felt so safe in longer than he wants to think about, as Misha's grip tightens around him. Noel feels tears of relief burning his eyes, and Misha pulls away to brush them away with his thumb.
"Oh, Noel," he murmurs. "I'm so happy you're alive."
"What happened?" Noel rasps, wiping his own face with one hand. His chest aches and his leg feels stiff, but he feels surprisingly fine.
"We all survived Cyclone," Misha explains. "I woke up first, I think. Was in coma for two weeks. Ocean and Constance are awake now also. They came to see us yesterday. You are fourth to wake up. Just Ricky and other girl left. Her name is Penny."
Noel frowns. "We all survived?" He wants to start crying again out of sheer happiness, but forces himself to hold back.
Misha grins at him. "Yes. I know you have broken leg and fractured ribs, but doctors say we got off lightly. Penny girl broke her neck. She will be fine, though. And Ocean is much nicer now. You should see her soon."
Noel peeks under the blanket at his leg, which is in a cast. "Oh my God," he says, letting his head tip back onto the pillow. "I can't believe we made it."
Misha reaches forward and hugs him again, and Noel is thrown by how physically affectionate the boy seems to be. Yes, they hugged in the warehouse, but he didn't realise that it would be a recurring thing. Not that he's complaining, though.
4.
The choir returns to school after a few more weeks to recover. They had missed a lot of school, but Ocean was confident that she could bring them back up to speed, and decided to create a study group. They met three nights a week for study on school days, and would study together for most of Saturday as well. That wasn't to say that they actually got much work done. Penny, it turns out, spoke sign language, and would often translate for Ricky. She was considerably less scary with a head, and Noel was eternally grateful that he had made another actual friend. Even Ocean had gotten better. Yes, she still thought that she was better than everybody else, but at least she didn't say it out loud.
Noel found himself looking forward to Saturdays, when they would typically meet up at Constance's house. She would bake for them and they would pretend to study for an hour or two to appease Ocean, and then find other things to do. Noel had never felt happier.
He would walk to Constance's house with Penny, who lived pretty close to him, as it gave them a chance to become closer friends. She would talk about her brother, and her developing crush on Ricky, and Noel would talk about his crush on Misha, which had only intensified after the warehouse. Misha's love for physical affection didn't help either. For seventeen years, the only person who would touch Noel was his mother, and now every time he saw Misha he would get a hug or an arm slung around his shoulder, or even a hand holding his.
Noel opens the door to Constance's house like usual and makes his way in to the kitchen. Ocean and Constance are already sitting there with a plateful of cookies in front of them, as well as Ricky. Penny makes a beeline for the seat next to the boy, and Noel takes his usual seat across from Constance.
Misha is typically late to these sessions so they get started on English while they wait. It's about ten minutes before the door opens again and Misha comes trudging into the kitchen. Noel jumps to his feet instantly. "Are you okay, Mish?" he asks. Misha never looks as beaten down as he does at the moment.
Misha looks at Noel and takes a deep breath. "I broke up with Talia," he admits.
"Oh my God," Constance blurts, and even Ocean lets out a gasp. Noel just reaches out and takes Misha's hand, hardly registering the thrill that goes through him every time they touch.
"I'm sorry," he breathes. "What happened?"
Misha just shrugs and goes to sit down at the table. "Things have felt weird since warehouse. I think maybe I'm falling in love with someone else, and is unfair to put her through that."
Noel feels his stomach sink at the words, and how easily Misha had said them. "Oh," he mumbles.
Misha doesn't look at him as he shrugs. "It happens. We can study now."
Constance shakes her head vigorously. "We can't study after that! We're your friends, Misha. We're going to go watch your favourite movie and eat cookies, okay?"
"Okay," Misha agrees with a slight smile.
Penny cheers and Ricky claps his hands together, grinning. Only Ocean and Noel look less than pleased, for very different reasons.
"I really don't think that's a good idea," Ocean complains. "We really need to catch up on our study before the Christmas break, and we're already so far behind."
Constance just shushes her, and to Ocean's credit, she actually listens. "Not now, Ocean," Penny complains. "We have bigger fish to fry. Who are you in love with now, Misha?"
Noel whips his head around to glare at the girl, and Penny gives him a sickly sweet little smile. She really thinks that she's helping, the little dick. Misha's cheeks flush a bit. "I'm not saying."
"Aw, come on," Penny pushes, and Noel wants to leap across the table and strangle her.
"Leave him alone," Noel says, and Penny rolls her eyes and wrinkles her nose up at him. "Let's just go watch a movie," he continues, glancing over at Misha.
The boy looks relieved, and they head into Constance's sitting room. Mischa puts on Saw VI, his real favourite, and Noel groans. He wants to ask if they have to watch it, but Misha's already having an awful day without having to put up with Noel's complaining.
Before the movie starts, Constance gasps and jumps up from her spot on the couch. "Wait, I just remembered something!"
She rushes out of the room and comes back a few moments later with her hands full of beaded bracelets. "I made these for us," she says shyly. "They're friendship bracelets, if you want to pick the ones you like."
Penny instantly snatches up the green one and Ricky grabs the purple one. He grins as he slides it onto his wrist and signs thank you at Constance, who smiles back at him. Ocean takes the blue one and Constance takes the yellow one, which leaves a choice of pink and red.
Noel glances at Misha, who's already grinning at him. He just reaches out and picks up the red one to hand to Misha, already resigned to his fate. When he doesn't take the pink one for himself, Constance's face falls a bit.
"What's wrong, Noel?" she asks.
Noel just shrugs. "I can't really wear jewellery," he mumbles.
"What?" Ocean asks.
"I can't really wear jewellery. It's one thing for you girls, and even for Misha and Ricky, but if I wore a bracelet I'd probably get my nose broken."
"I don't understand," Misha says, confused. "Why is it different for me and Space Jesus?" Ricky grins at the nickname, but Mischa looks serious.
Noel rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Because look at you. You're literally the straightest person I've ever seen, and nobody really cares what Ricky does apart from us." Noel glances over at Ricky to make sure that wasn't taken the wrong way, but Ricky just shrugs and nods at him. "Like, yeah, Ricky gets bullied, but it's usually people ignoring him. I don't want to say that I have it worse, because it sucks for Ricky, but I get beaten up if I look at a guy for too long, and if I was wearing a bracelet it would be so much worse."
Constance looks at her bracelet. "Sorry, Noel," she says. "I didn't think it would matter that much."
Noel laughs a bit. "It shouldn't, but it does. For some reason it's fine for girls and straight guys to do what they want, but it doesn't work like that for me."
Misha scowls and looks at the bracelet in his hands. "Is stupid. You should wear bracelet anyway, Noel. Don't care about what other people think."
Noel just blinks at him in shock and a tiny bit of disappointment. "Misha," he says gently. "Did you not hear what I said? If I wear a bracelet, some asshole is going to corner me outside the school and kick the living daylights out of me. It's fine for you because you're you. Nobody's ever going to doubt that you're straight, no matter what you wear."
Misha stares at Noel, and for a moment it feels like they're the only two people in the room. "Well, I'm not straight," he says, and Noel blinks in shock.
"Oh!" Constance gasps, and Penny lets out a surprised little giggle.
"I'm bi," Misha clarifies, twisting the bracelet in his hands nervously.
"Oh..." Noel mumbles. Misha is still looking at him, and Noel feels as though he's drowning in the blue of his eyes.
"Are you okay, Noel?" Ocean asks, and he tears his gaze away from Misha to nod.
"Yeah..." he says shakily. "I need to go to the bathroom."
He gets up without another word and heads out into the hallway, head swimming. Instead of turning right towards the bathroom he opens Constance's front door and takes a seat on her porch with his face buried in his hands. Surely he's not the one that Misha has a crush on? It couldn't be, and yet the way Misha was staring at him made him hope that it might. He barely has a minute to himself before the door opens and someone sits next to him.
"Are you okay?" Misha asks. Noel stares at the other boy's arm. He's wearing the pink bracelet now, twisting it around his wrist again and again. "I'm sorry if I upset you. Was not my intention."
"No, you didn't," Noel blurts. He doesn't want Misha to think that he did something wrong, when this was all Noel's fault. Misha reaches out hesitantly and touches Noel's arm. When Noel looks up at him, the other boy is pale and almost shaking. "What's wrong, Mish?" Noel asks worriedly.
Misha lets out a shuddering breath. "Can I ask you something?" His voice is oh-so-soft and Noel's heart melts at the worried look in Misha's eyes.
"Of course," he confirms, reaching over to grab Misha's hand. He feels a shiver go through the other boy at the touch, and almost pulls away with a frown, but Misha's grip tightens.
"Do you ever think about our kiss?" Misha asks hesitantly, and Noel's heart jolts.
"Why?" he asks suspiciously, pulling his hand away from Misha's and wrapping his arms around his knees. Misha's hand twitches and flexes on his knee, and then he goes back to twisting the bracelet around his wrist.
"I do," Misha admits, almost silently. "A lot."
Noel is staring at him blankly, mind fuzzy with shock and hope and something else. Maybe fear. "What do you mean, Mish?" he murmurs, and Misha glances up at him.
"I think about you, Noel," Misha whispers. "I don't know how to stop it. I don't know if I want to stop it."
Noel can barely breathe as he stares at the boy in front of him. He tries to piece together something to say, but his mind is slow and clumsy and the words won't come out. Misha is looking at him nervously, and Noel knows he doesn't have long to act before Misha pulls away.
"If you don't feel same way," Misha starts, but he is cut off by Noel leaning forward and pressing clumsy lips to his.
It's not a good kiss. Noel has very little experience, and he's in so much shock that he's lost all his coordination. He's lucky that he even found Misha's lips. But Misha lets out a sharp breath of relief and suddenly his hands are in Noel's hair and he's pulling Noel forward to deepen the kiss, and it doesn't even matter anymore.
Noel's arms wind their way around Misha's neck and he feels fingers tightening in his hair as Misha tilts his head to gain better access. Noel briefly feels the cool ball of metal in Misha's tongue before the other boy is pulling away and staring at Noel wildly.
"Oh my God," Noel manages to get out, his heart pounding. He feels like all of the air has been ripped from his lungs as Misha's hands make their way down Noel's neck to rest on his shoulders.
Misha looks nervous, but he manages to smile at Noel's reaction. "What?" he asks, and Noel shuts his eyes for a second to collect his thoughts.
"Can I be honest with you?" Noel asks. His voice is still breathy from the kiss.
"Always," Misha confirms, and Noel reaches up to grab one of his hands. He runs shaky fingers over the beads of Misha's bracelet while he tries to string the sentence together in his mind.
"I've had a crush on you since, like, the day you got your ear pierced," he admits. "I saw you getting it done while I was going home from work."
Misha grins and reaches up to touch his earring. "I've only had crush on you since warehouse," he admits. "You were so confident and so different to how you were in school, sort of made me question things."
Noel laughs. "Me?" Misha nods at him, deadly serious.
Noel bites his lip a bit and meets Misha's gaze. "I don't know if you want to be boyfriends-"
"Yes," Misha interrupts, eyes wide, and Noel lets out a sharp breath at the word.
"Really?"
Misha leans closer to him again. "Yes," he breathes, and Noel's eyes slide shut as Misha presses their lips together again. It's a pretty good third kiss, all things considered, but it's interrupted by Penny opening the door to come look for them and letting out a shriek of surprise and happiness. They jump away from each other, both blushing furiously. Penny looks like she could cry.
"Oh my God, finally," she says, and then rushes forward to throw her arms around the two of them. Misha is looking over her head at Noel in confusion, and Noel rolls his eyes and pats Penny on the back.
5.
They have been going out for about three weeks when Noel invites Misha back to his house. His mother is working a late shift, which doesn't happen very often, and Noel wants to make the most of it with his boyfriend. The word still sends a shiver of happiness through his body.
The two of them walk home from school together, walking close enough to bump shoulders occasionally. Noel doesn't like to do anything more than that in public, even though he wishes he could show his boyfriend affection after so much time spent pining after him. He's too afraid of the homophobes at school, and Misha cares about Noel enough to respect that.
Once they reach Noel's house, Misha finally grabs Noel's hand tightly. He's wearing the pink friendship bracelet on his arm, and Noel thinks jealously about how nobody has said a word to Misha, no matter how proudly the boy displays it.
"What are we going to do?" Misha asks, pulling Noel closer and brushing their lips together. Noel flushes a bit and lets out a breathy laugh. It's almost embarrassing how easy it is for Misha to make him blush.
"I was thinking we could just watch a movie?" he suggests. They make their way upstairs into Noel's bedroom, and Misha doesn't stop touching Noel once.
"What will we watch, poet?" Misha asks. Even the nickname makes Noel blush, especially with how casually Misha says it, like he's always used it.
Noel's lips move soundlessly for a moment as he thinks. "We could watch The Blue Angel?" he suggests, and Misha shrugs.
"I was thinking Saw VI," Misha replies with a grin, and Noel shudders. "Come on, poet. If we watch horror movie, I get to hold you close and whisper in your ear not to be scared, and after we can talk about our favourite parts."
Noel groans, but agrees. He hates horror, but the idea of having Misha's arms around him for the whole thing definitely makes up for it. Misha makes himself comfortable on Noel's bed while Noel pulls out his shitty laptop. The movement makes his little paper bag of jewellery clatter to the floor, and he picks it up hurriedly.
"What's that?" Misha asks, leaning forward curiously.
"Nothing," Noel mumbles in return. "It's stupid."
"It can't be stupid," Misha argues. "Can I see?"
Noel sighs and holds out the bag, and Misha tips the jewellery out onto the bed. "Oh," he says softly, smiling.
"See?" Noel grumbles. "Stupid."
"Not stupid, poet. I think it's nice."
Misha picks up one of the rings and slides it onto his finger, grinning up at Noel. It has a fake ruby on it and Noel admires the way that it sparkles on his boyfriend's finger. "It looks nice, Misch," Noel says with a smile. Misha picks up one of the other rings and rolls towards Noel on the bed, holding it out.
"Noel Gruber, love of my life," he says, grabbing Noel's hand and sliding the ring onto his finger. "Will you marry me?"
Noel laughs and bats his hand away, leaning down to press a kiss to Misha's lips. "God, at least wait until we've been dating for a month," he jokes.
"I can't believe you would say no, shawty," Misha complains, and Noel shudders in disgust.
"Ugh. If you ever call me shawty again I'm breaking up with you."
Misha scowls and holds his arms out for Noel to settle into them, and then pulls the laptop closer to start their movie.
It's just as bad as Noel had expected, and he groans and hides his face in Misha's shoulder every time someone meets a grisly end, but it's made infinitely better by Misha's quiet laugh and the kisses pressed to his head every time. When the movie ends, Noel forces Misha to agree to watch The Blue Angel to calm him down. It's in German, obviously, and Misha struggles to follow along with the subtitles, but Noel is perfectly happy to stop the film and explain things to him as they happen.
When the movie ends, Noel closes his laptop and explains how the professor didn't actually love Lola Lola, and how his obsession eventually led to his downfall. Misha watches with a bemused smile and eventually pulls Noel close again and entwines their fingers. "I should go now, poet," he says, and Noel nods.
They walk to Noel's front door together, and Misha kisses him goodbye before trying to take off the ring he was wearing and give it back. Noel stops him. "You can keep it, if you want," he says shyly. "It suits you."
Misha's face breaks into a grin and he kisses Noel again. "See you tomorrow, кохання," he murmurs before heading off, twisting the ring absentmindedly on his finger. Noel watches until Misha rounds the corner at the end of the street, then collapses onto the couch and pulls out his phone. He has a text from Misha saying miss you already, and he laughs softly before responding with a heart. He's never been happier in his life, he thinks, looking at the ring that Misha had put on his finger earlier. He hopes Misha feels the same.
+ 1.
Noel and Misha have been together for about five years at this point. They still live in Canada, but in Ottawa, and Noel works as a junior editor while Misha works as a translator in the same company. Every day, Noel wakes up thinking that he was never going to feel happier than he did the previous day, and every day Misha manages to prove him wrong.
When Noel climbs the stairs to their apartment, he can tell that something is different. He had to work late today so it was already dark by the time he got home, and usually he would be able to see light shining into the hallway from underneath their door. Today the apartment is seemingly empty, and he pulls out his key with a frown. Misha should be home already. He hadn't said anything to Noel about going out, but maybe he'd just forgotten. Noel tries to turn the key in the door but the door is already unlocked, so he opens it slowly. Surely there hadn't been a break-in? His stomach twists at the thought, and he briefly pictures Misha, home alone, confronting an armed intruder and losing. He shakes his head and steps inside, immediately noticing the smell of roses.
Instantly his worry fades and he smiles as he takes his shoes off. There are a couple of flickering candles lining the hall, and as Noel's eyes adjust to the dim lighting he can see a trail of rose petals leading into their bedroom. He follows the trail silently, trying to hold back a laugh. Even after five years, Misha manages to find ways to surprise him. "Mish?" he whispers as he steps into the room. There are more candles here, but he can't see Misha anywhere. He steps inside and shuts the door, focusing on the little sign he can see on their bed.
He moves forward and picks it up, frowning. It's hard to make out what it says, between the poor light and Misha's godawful handwriting, but finally he gets it. Behind you, it says. He turns around in surprise just as an arm wraps around his waist and tackles him onto the bed. He shrieks loudly and wriggles away from his idiot of a boyfriend, who's sitting up now and laughing at him.
"Mish, what the fuck?" he yelps, not sure if he should be laughing or angry. Misha grabs his hands and makes an effort to stop his laughter.
"I'm sorry, poet," he says, and his face becomes more serious. "I know this looks like a joke but there's something I've been meaning to ask you."
Noel tilts his head, waiting for Misha to continue. The Ukrainian hesitates and lets go of Noel's hand to reach into his pocket. "Noel, кохання, I've loved you since we were teenagers," he says, and Noel smiles at him softly.
"I love you too, Mish," he starts, but Misha presses a finger to his lips to cut him off.
"Even when I was eighteen, when I pictured the future, you were in it," Misha continues. "You make me happy to come home every day, because I know I'll get to spend time with you. Every day that I wake up with you by my side is a day that I know will be good." He removes his hand from his pocket, and Noel realises with a jolt that Misha's holding a box. He drops Misha's hand and raises his own hands to his face as Misha thumbs the box open to reveal a silver ring with a real ruby in the middle. Tears slip down Noel's cheeks at the sight of it.
"Will you marry me, Noel Gruber?" Misha whispers, and Noel chokes out a tearful laugh and throws his arms around Misha's neck.
"Oh my God, Mish, yes," he sobs, and Misha laughs in relief and wraps his arms tightly around Noel's waist. Noel buries his face in Misha's shoulder, pressing joyful kisses to the skin of Misha's neck.
"Come on, let me put the ring on," Misha complains, and Noel pulls away with another laugh so that Misha can slide the ring onto his finger.
"It's gorgeous, Mish," Noel breathes, holding his hand out to examine it.
"I'm glad you like it," Misha replies with a grin. "Only the best for my shawty, yes?"
Noel laughs as the tears start to flow again. "Misha, I'm serious. We haven't even been engaged for a minute and I'm this close to leaving you."
Misha just grins and tugs him close again, pressing kisses to his cheeks and lips. "I love you so much," he mumbles against Noel's face. "I can't wait to marry you."
Noel wraps his arms around Misha's waist and holds him tightly, hardly able to comprehend how happy he is. "Fuck, Mish, I love you," he whispers against the Ukrainian's ear. "I'm so lucky to have you."
Misha's arms tighten around Noel and he kisses him yet again. "I know you are," he laughs, and Noel groans and pulls away.
"God, you infuriate me," he grumbles, rolling onto his back and covering his face with his hands. He feels Misha shift to hover above him, and feels a hand pulling his away from his face.
"Now you're stuck with me," Misha smiles, and Noel leans up to brush his lips against his fiancé's cheek.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he promises.