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All children cry. This is a fact Yoo Joonghyuk believes to be true.
Despite that, he had not once seen Yoo Mia shed a single tear. It should be a good thing, meaning he was doing a decent job for her to never feel sadness. But Yoo Joonghyuk knew better, as he was the same as her.
She came into his life one sunny day, presenting on his door with a hand wrapped around a note. It was noticing that same tiny hand that had grounded him into reality: his life would never be the same. All his existence spent fighting to survive, how could he drag this little hand to that same pit of despair?
He was a shell of a human. There was no way for him to be a good influence on anyone, let alone a child. Reality was harsh, and he had been told time and time again how he was not needed, so what could he even do for her? If he had been discarded, not even spared a single glance of pity, there was no way he could be of use to her. The world who threw him away would do no good to an even tinier existence. There was no way they…
And then the hand reached into his, as if it was only natural, and he realized: this is a missing child who has nothing in the world. A missing child who had nothing in the world, much like he was, could be soothed into a happy life if he tried. He had the capacity to change a world, if only as miniscule as a child’s. He would not allow his little sister to be brought from tragedy like him. The mistakes of his conception would only be repeated if he did not act. To him, it was a promise now. She will not be forsaken.
So after a lot of reflecting and several crises, Yoo Joonghyuk settled for providing. Low eyes that looked into his, he knew: it will be hard, but it will be okay. Hand in hand, the warmth of the first human touch Yoo Joonghyuk had ever felt made him understand that he was now alive.
It had been several years since that day, but sometimes he still questioned if he was right in his actions. Raising a kid was not for the weak of heart, and he never had any example of what a healthy parental figure should look like, or how someone was supposed to live a normal childhood for that matter. Things were rocky at the start, but lately their situation had slowly stabilized, and Yoo Joonghyuk finally thought that he could provide the comfort his sister needed to live a healthy, happy life.
So why was it that despite his best efforts, these days something in her seemed… hollow?
All things considered, Yoo Mia had always been jovial. Even if her upbringing was questionable, Mia was a blessed child. That is how he considers it. A smart, precious child who is good at sports, responsible at school, and diligent at home, if only a little sharp-tongued sometimes (but that could be attributed to how clever she was). Exemplary and remarkable in all aspects, that was his Mia. Even with how proud she made him, sometimes he would get worried.
It all started with a Spiderman movie.
It was one of those free weekends hard to come by. As a good brother, he had suggested they go out somewhere, and Mia had excitedly told him she wanted to go watch a movie. This was a win-win for him, who got to spend time with his sister, and watch the new release at the same time. As fanatics, it was the perfect plan.
In his mind, she would totally love it.
“It was… a great story, wasn’t it?” hand in hand, Yoo Joonghyuk turned to his mini carbon copy, his eyes a little red and glassy. It was really emotional. But to his surprise, Yoo Mia seemed to be spacing out, looking at a faraway spot of the movie theater.
He frowned. She did seem to enjoy the movie a little, for what he could recall… or maybe she was not all there, now that he notices. What could be on her mind to be this distracted, when Spiderman had always been one of her favorite heroes? She looked so excited before leaving the house, so what was wrong now?
Following her gaze, he noticed a group of little girls getting out of another movie room, laughing and talking among themselves. They were discussing something about an enchanted castle and a magic spell, but he could not figure out most of the conversation, as they drifted away. Her sister was still staring.
“Mia, did you not like the movie?”
Snapping out of it, her eyes widened and her mouth opened, as if surprised. She let go of his hand, adjusting her black jacket. With a short nod, she started walking out too.
“Oh, it was good.”
“I think Mia is getting bullied.”
On Discord call, a voice gasped subtly, and some movement could be heard in the background, objects dropping.
“Excuse me?!”
“That cannot be.”
He made an affirmative noise, half concentrated on the game they were playing, half absent by the streak of his thoughts.
“Yoo Joonghyuk? Say something?” Kim Dokja’s voice could be heard on the channel, a little higher than usual, worry seeping through it.
“I am ending the game, this cannot be.” Han Sooyoung took a couple seconds before the YOU LOSE announcement was shown on the screen. He sighed, not sure if this was the right move. He should just have talked to Lee Seolhwa.
But he desperately needed advice.
“She is just telling me everything is okay, but I feel like she is not acting like herself.”
“What do you mean?”, asked Han Sooyoung.
“Yeah, she just spaces out more than usual. We went to watch Spiderman, and she just… did not seem to enjoy it. The other day we were playing Overwatch, and she kept losing on purpose and then went to her room. She is not even in the mood for watching car races. I got her a gift recently, one of those expensive Pokemon plushies that she loves, to cheer her up, and she did say thank you, but there was no excitement about it. We went for a walk to get her new clothes to our usual store, but she wasn’t interested at all, and kept staring out the window. She looks at girls her age weird, like…” The words came out one after the other too fast. Apparently he had been repressing more than he thought.
“Like?”, asked Dokja, encouraging him to continue.
“Like she is… jealous. Of something.”
“Have you talked to her?”
“I don’t want to press her when she says everything is fine. I can’t find anything in my parenting books, should I just get a newer, updated one? Should I talk to the school? What if she is being isolated?”
There was silence for a while on the line. The three participants on the voice chat seemingly thinking, trying to find an answer to the strange behavior that had been exhibited. Mia had always been a loyal fan of her brother, following where he went, so this was indeed strange. The first to break the silence was Kim Dokja.
“I think you should try talking it out again. I mean, Mia does not come across as someone who would just take the bullying, but something is… probably wrong. Like you upset her in some way.”
“Maybe she is going through puberty and just does not want you around?” suggested Han Sooyoung.
“She is nine.” Yoo Joonghyuk's annoyed voice filled their earphones. Alright, maybe not the time for a joke.
“Dude, just ask her.”
That day, their voice chat session had been cut short, and he felt like 10 years were taken off his lifespan. He could not stand seeing her sister in distress. He was not there when she was born, he was not there to hear her cry the first time. So if she felt sad, he did not want her to cry in silence, away from his view. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted her to be able to rely on him.
Closing his eyes shut, a thought came to him. It had been a while, but he was really stressed out. He needed to clear his mind. With a sigh, he turned on the computer screen again and typed.
Wonderland.
Yoo Mia knocked on his door. One, twice, thrice. She was not knocking four times in a row, so she just busted it wide open, walking inside a dimly lit room.
“Oppa…?”
Slowly approaching, Yoo Mia could see his brother in front of his computer monitor, clicking his mouse fast, concentrating on whatever was on the screen. This was not a rare sight, with him working as a video game streamer, but rarely would it be to the point of not noticing her walking in.
When she came closer, a shocking view was there to greet her. This was…?
Cheerful music was leaking from his headphones, and several sounds of “ Yay! ”, “ That’s so stylish! ”, “ Go girl! ” could be heard.
Her brother was playing a dress up and makeup game?!
“Orabeoni!” Mia screamed, finally drawing his attention, and he jerked on his chair from the surprise, dropping his headphones with no grace whatsoever.
He was screwed. This was not a shame he could live down. Now, Yoo Mia was definitely going to think he was a loser and start looking down on him, and like Han Sooyoung said, not want him around anymore .
“I can explain.” He said quickly, trying to cover the monitor.
Actually, he could explain.
Growing up without much often leads you to unexpected places. When he was younger working unremarkable part time jobs to earn a living, one of them had had an old computer that could not run games for the life of it. He had always been drawn to videogames, a luxury that a poor child like him struggling to survive could not afford. Oddly enough, he found a strange salvation in simple flash online games. And among them, online dress up games were the best. That is how he would spend most of his free time after he was done with work, the owner allowing him to use the trashy pc (maybe out of guilt for underpaying a young boy).
For him, they were a fond memory of the only happy moments he could remember before Mia, with a mind that could barely look back on his life. A little solace. From time to time, in moments of extreme stress, he would still look for them when needing comfort. At his old age, it was lame.
“That is soooo cool!”, Yoo Mia said, sparkly eyes looking up to him, a sight he hadn’t been able to see for weeks now.
“Huh?”
“That, that! Can I play too, orabeoni, please…?” dragging the last word, she pointed at the monitor where a beautiful and refined brunette princess was reflected, which he was still covering.
“You. Wait. You don’t think it is weird?”, clearly confused, Yoo Joonghyuk let his guard down and stepped out of the monitor’s view, surprised by the turn of events. It was not over for him?
Mia shook her head left and right, and firmly declared: “I think it is the most awesome!”
He cleared his throat before speaking again, straightening his posture. He is a figure of authority, after all, so he needs to make sure.
“Did you finish all your homework?”
“Of course!”
Moving so she could sit on the chair, they both excitedly started chatting about the best options for the presented characters, and the mini missions the games assigned. For the first time in a while, things were fun.
Awesome . That was a word she often used when referring to him, but he never thought it could include this… fixation of his. He had always been passionate about this part of video games: the aesthetics. Something moved inside him, thinking: oh, she really was just like him. How could he be so oblivious to what was amiss. He had been too preoccupied with seeing like a good big brother, that he forgot to pay attention to what Mia actually wanted . The more they talked, the more he realized how stupid he had been. Of course she would have a curiosity for feminine things, of course seeing girls her age doing things she was not doing would upset her, of course she would want colorful outfits, and pretty dolls. He had deprived her of her girlhood for too long, assuming she would just go along with his interests.
A speck of guilt went through his body. She was her own person, after all. How neglectful he had been, could he really manage to…? With a sigh, he tried to calm his beating heart. We have been through worse, we will figure it out .
“Oppa”, Mia said, “do you think we should go with the green dress, or the white one?”
“You can’t wear white to a wedding, so the green one.”
“Ah, you are right!” She clicked on the left, and the character did a twirl to show off the dress. “She looks so pretty… I like that color.”
He stared at her for a moment, seeing her twinkling eyes and natural smile. Of course.
“Mia, do you want to go shopping next week?”
“Hm? But we just got jackets.” Distracted by the game, she did not move her head to look at him, immersed in the final celebration of the characters.
“I was just thinking we could find you something different this time.”
“What do you mean? Like…?”
“Like checking some other shops, to see if there is something else you would like. You do not need to shop where I shop, you know? Or let me pick the movies, it is okay to do what you want to do too.”
Mia kept clicking on some things on the screen while listening to him, when she came to a stop. The monitor was displaying the characters in different situations, and she was watching intently. There was a want floating in the air, and her shoulders tensed a bit when she took the earphones off to look at him. She was holding her breath.
“Anything…?” with trembling hands, she asked.
“Anything.”
“Okay…”
She let go of the air she was holding, a little smile on her face, like she could not contain the emotions inside. The glint on her eyes warned Yoo Joonghyuk this was something she had been keeping for too long.
“What do you have in mind?”
Cheeks red with embarrassment, Yoo Joonghyuk announces:
“All rise for princess Yoo Mia of the Kaizenix empire!”
Dressed to the nines, with a flowy dress, Yoo Joonghyuk vows while the door opens. A long baby blue carpet decorated with glitter was meant to be the path that would lead to a nicely decorated table filled with pastries, flowers and a piping hot teapot in the center. All attendees were marvelled by the level of detail the party represented. If one were to look closely, they would notice just how carefully selected everything was, as it was organized by princess Joonghyuk. Flowers of different colors harmonized the room, and the finest ceramics were laid on a rectangular mahogany table covered with laced mantel. One could only be grateful to be presented with such a view, everyone praising the style of such a splendid tea party. The attendees, of course, being princess Yoo Mia’s stuffed animals.
Yoo Joonghyuk took Mia’s hand, guiding her to the seat on top of the table. Mia was dressed with a light pink dress that reached her heels, flowers identical to the ones decorating the room could be seen on her gown. Yoo Joonghyuk smiled at that detail.
“Orabeoni! You look beautiful!” Mia was amazed at the sight, not imagining that he would commit that much to her request. He was dressed in a thistle purple dress with sleeves and a pleated long skirt. Given, it was a little hard to get used to the heels, but not as difficult as one would first imagine.
Humming, he replied: “I should be the one saying that, such a cute young lady. But before I forget, close your eyes.”
Mia nodded, doing as told. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten, listening to the notes of a piano piece playing in the background, before feeling something resting on top of her head.
“You can open your eyes now.”
When she did, a mirror was in front of her. Eyes wide and mouth agape, she could not believe what she was seeing. A lovely tiara was on her head, shining.
“A princess ought to have a crown, after all.” Yoo Joonghyuk said, proud of himself, hands behind his back.
“It is… it is…! It is beautiful! I look so beautiful! We look lovely!” The emotion tinting her voice was promptly matched with hand movements, pointing at every single detail in the room, praising the efforts. “And the strawberry cake is…!” Before continuing, she seemed to realize something. “Wait, and your tiara?”
Yoo Joonghyuk grunted, and took the hands out of his back, to show a tiara that was of less quality, but equally as pretty. Mia got up from her seat, and took it from him. Instructing him to bend, she carefully placed it on his head, tucking his hair behind his ear. The touch was gentle and amorous. Lovely .
Satisfied, she returned to her seat.
“Subjects, let’s start while the tea is hot!” She announced. “ Welcome to Wonderland! ”
He laughed at that. Maybe Kaizenix had been too much an exaggeration.
“As the princess commands.” He went to sit right beside her, pouring the tea with excellent technique. Feeling the warmth from the cup, he took the first sip. It was quite sweet.
Savoring the pastries, Mia gave him thumbs up while complimenting how delicious it was. The citizens of the kingdom ate, danced and applauded the brilliance of their sovereigns. Not a thing could be better at that moment. Joyous, Mia laughed while Yoo Joonghyuk rejected the marriage proposal from Count Teddy. She laughed so hard tears started spilling from her eyes, unable to control the happiness she was feeling. Time seemed to be frozen at that moment, Yoo Joonghyuk staring at her, shocked.
“Thank you, orabeoni.” While drying the tears from her eyes, the smile Yoo Mia gave him restored a piece of his peace. Eyes shut, he could not help but smile right back at her and laugh to her pace.
All the children cry, and of all the possible reasons, Yoo Joonghyuk never imagined the first time he would see Yoo Mia cry, she would be crying tears of happiness. This is a fact. And also a memory he would cherish all his life.
Maybe all of his hardships had been so he could live this moment. A sunny day like today, one August third many summers ago, Yoo Mia had been the greatest gift life could have bestowed upon Yoo Joonghyuk.