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Notes on the text: These orders are to be carried out immediately. The changes are to be implemented without delay, so that this matter can finally be wrapped up. For all our sanities, I beg you. In the possibility that this strategy should prove as futile as all the others, they are to be declared soulmates and left to their own devices. This, officially, is to be the last divine intervention.
It pains us like no other that our sweet children, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, prove so difficult to mould. They are obstinate and headstrong and stubborn to the utmost degree. Self-destructive, even, when they were designed to be a delight to us.[1] It has come to our attention that they are rather a nuisance, resistant to any attempts of narrative guidance. They are reported to fight long after their scheduled reconciliation and appear averse to happy endings of any sort. And as if this insubordination wasn’t painful enough to us, they refuse the decree of partnership all together, choosing unhappy spinsterhood over the domestic bliss of matrimony.[2]
It is deeply offensive to us and will be dealt with accordingly.
For maximum effect, you will intervene directly after The War. This moment is ideal due to it generally being a low point for every human currently alive. An opportune period to change minds made malleable by enduring, and to envision brighter futures. Both the specimens are uniquely vulnerable at this point, which should make them more receptive to help. Still, you are to remain subtle and out of sight, interfering only indirectly.
Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, will be put on trial. He will be judged and condemned for his weak nature, his compliance in atrocities, and his cowardly submission to the allure of Evil.[3] He will be scared and broken, bereft of all that made him such an unpleasant child.
Harry Potter, son of James and Lily Potter, will heroically save him. He will be reclusive and overwhelmed, beloved though not understood. He will have wanted to hide and rot away in Grimmauld Place, but he is fundamentally good and righteous, so he will not require much coaxing. You are to make him aware of the Malfoy trial and he will do the right thing on his own merit. Unlike Malfoy, Potter knows what that is and how to stand up for it.
The scene will be cinematic and spectacular. Malfoy will stand there like a wet cat, wretched and pathetic, shaking from sleep deprivation and uncertain whether to welcome or fear death. He will inspire pity and revulsion. His shameful mark will be on full display, there will be lewd whispers on the follies of youth, and blind hurt will pin it all on him, a reprehensible pars pro toto. A vulgarised figurehead.
Enter Potter—insomniac, hurt, and angry—who will shout and rage and passionately argue for mercy. He will look sublime, eyes blazing and magic crackling around him, alive in a way he will have forgotten. He will be insightful and cutting, always too clever for delicacy. He will command the room naturally, without noting his own magnificence.[4]
They will leave together, hand in hand. Potter will still be angry, his grip will be bruising, and Malfoy will stumble after him like a moth following the light. He will not have understood what just happened to him, will not have understood yet that Potter saved his life. Again.[5]
The pragmatics will be as follows: Potter will be Malfoy’s legal guardian for the next 2 years, having full control and responsibility over his every move and decision. They will live together in Grimmauld Place 12 and Malfoy will be on parole, Azkaban pending. There will be a letter explaining this and condescending lawyers making them sign written agreements.
Malfoy, young and ungrateful, will resent this.
Potter, tired and desperate, will also resent this.
But they will sign. You are to ensure this.
Forced to live together,[6] they will fight and claw at each other, their pent-up aggression and fear exploding in the most unflattering way. Both of them being gay, this will also be sexually charged.[7]
We anticipate this period of unproductive yelling at each other to last only a few weeks. There might be thoughtless revelations, but both of them will be too self-involved to notice or reflect. This will be self-indulgent, stupid, and utterly boring.[8] Finally, despite being stubborn and righteous, they will exhaust themselves. They will have screamed themselves hoarse, will have put into words every ugly thought they ever had, and they will not feel any better for it.
Then, finally, will come the quiet.
They will avoid each other, ashamed and raw, sullen in their silence. You are to leave them to it; do not interrupt this peace.
Grimmauld Place will transform into a liminal space, unreal but brutally solid. They will roam this interlude in solitude, looking inward and coming to understand themselves better.[9] They will recognise themselves as hurt animals who lash out and run away. Who, in their eagerness to avoid feeling, hurt the one person who could understand them best.
Malfoy, in particular, will learn a lot. He will have to reckon with his crimes, with his prejudices and cowardice. He will learn humility, stalking through the dark in a house that, once upon a time, might have been his. Tormented by nightmares but recognising them as his penance, he will avoid sleep with potions and caffeine as long as possible. He will not resort to Dreamless Sleep because there is no wriggling out of responsibility.[10] The blood is already on his hands.
Finally, Malfoy will understand the conditions under which he continues to live. He will depend entirely on Potter’s good will, and he will realise this slowly. It will be hard for him to realise, Malfoy who has always gotten everything he ever wanted, who was spoilt instead of loved and taught to take the world whole. Malfoy will realise that he now breathes at the pleasure of another, and he will learn a new perspective on the world.
Once Malfoy’s pride has been sufficiently clipped, they will meet again.
It will be one of the artificial hours of the morning, one of those no one sane notices. Both will have almost forgotten they are not the only ghost in the house, wandering sleepless and converging in the kitchen, thirsty or restless or curious. And finally they will meet again, sleepy and unguarded. Barefoot, in pyjamas. Draco and Harry. Just two boys who never stood a chance.
Things will be easy from there. Malfoy, who has always loved Potter[11] and Potter, who is so desperate for love. So deserving of it. They will blearily blink at each other, perceiving each other finally and, in all this new context and the surreality of sleeplessness, in the hazy fog that coats the anonymous hours of the morning, they will finally connect.
This, at last, is where they kiss.[12]
From there, love will grow.
They will start touching because humans do that and there is no one else in the house. They will engage in sex because they are attracted to each other and, in their addled state of mind, nothing outside of the house matters. Consequences aren’t real. And, because sex is intimate and intimacy invariably leads to love, given enough time, they will have learnt what we all already knew: that they fit. That they are adorable.
Their love will be quiet, a shelter from the war and the world, a space free of who they are and who they ought to be. There will be no talk of The War or Trauma. There will be no pseudo-therapising, because it’s both unnecessary and harmful.[13] Nothing is as detrimental to love as honesty.
Their love will be domestic and blissful and happy, and it will endure. It will last, this time, where none before did. There will be no need for talking or fighting or—what is this? What are they doing?
Malfoy is shouting, the ungrateful little brat—he’s bringing up The War!! We specifically requested they don’t do that!
He’s yelling, making accusations, flinching from Potter’s reaching hands—enough!
There, that will teach him.
Silly human.[14]
We saw this before, the fighting ruining a perfect Happy End™. The fact of the matter is that they are quite bad at fighting,[15] but they are too stubborn to see this. They think just because they have been doing it for all their lives they are good at it, because they have zero understanding for human lifespans or meaning —
We want them separated. Not as punishment[16] but as a lesson. We do not delight in this and we think their limited years could be better spent on happiness, but if this is what it takes, this is how it shall be.
It will have been five years. Potter will have travelled the world and met people. Many people, people he’ll have loved and kissed and who’ll have taught him how to let go of the nightmares and the guilt. He will be happy and healthy and handsome. Malfoy will live on his own, unhappy and overworked, desperately aware of what life is like for those alone.[17]
It will rain. When Potter knocks on his door, it will rain. Rain is romantic and Potter is wearing a white shirt—another cinematic scene. It will be warm, Potter will knock, confident and sure, and Malfoy will know immediately. He will have missed Potter, will have hated living alone and unchecked. He will open the door—he will open the door—and smile. He will fall into Potter’s arms and apologise.
They will both be drenched in a matter of seconds, wet clothes sticking to them and they will laugh as they kiss in the rain, happy to be reunited.[18]
It will be romantic and perfect. Malfoy will not cry. He will not cry, the fool.
Malfoy will let Potter in. He will ask him in. Because he loves him.[19]
They will reconnect over touch. They have never been great at talking and they will be overjoyed to be in each other's arms again. They will be wet and attractive and there will be a very tasteful fade to black.[20]
Malfoy doesn’t sleep. Why isn’t he asleep? Potter is, happy and accommodating. Handsome and naked in bed next to Malfoy, the duvet slung around his hips classically risque.
They are in love.
Malfoy doesn’t sleep but he never does when sharing a bed with Potter. We think that mars the perfect image a bit, but if he wishes it, so it may be.
The rain can lure him to sleep. It is romantic and soothing and steady. It fits with his tears.
They are in love.
It shall rain until he sleeps. Until they are happy.
It shall rain forever, if that is what it takes.
[1] Enemies to Lovers, slow burn, 200k — that, roughly, is what we imagined[return]
[2] A lesser alternative, though acceptable, would be to settle down with someone not their destined husband. As long as all humans are paired, we do allow for experimentation.[return]
[3] We propose his parents be dead by that point. Dutiful son even to a feeble father and frigid mother, divided loyalties are the very last thing we want.[return]
[4] You will make detailed documentation of this triumph. We want to see it.[return]
[5] Document this, too. Dark silhouettes against the pale pink light of a new morning.[return]
[6] Live together though not share a bed—we have thoroughly considered this accelerated level of forced intimacy and decided that would be counterproductive. Roommates shall have to suffice.[return]
[7] They will not do anything to resolve this tension. They will retreat to their separate beds frustrated and aroused, furiously wanking and pretending not to think about the other.[return]
[8] We do not require documentation.[return]
[9] This will not be a pleasant experience—ensure they do not run.[return]
[10] Feel free to test his resolve by leaving a vial of this deceitful absolution on his bedside table. Report back.[return]
[11] Commendable, despite all his faults.
Despite the infirm man who called himself his father but failed to provide any actual guidance. Despite the mother that loved him, but coldly. Always removed. And then he was sorted into Slytherin, the House of Evil—how should he have learnt love?
Potter, of course, was easy to love. Always has been. So shockingly easy to love his relatives had to actively hate and hide him, lest they, too, loved him.
But still. Commendable.[return]
[12] And if they don’t, rinse and repeat until they do.[return]
[13] Also, after so many attempts and so many of these talks, we are well and truly sick of it.[return]
[14] Investigate how this happened, how they could slip our control. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.[return]
[15] Miscommunication, leading to sleeping on the couch, leading to isolation and loneliness and divorce.[return]
[16] Though a nice side-effect; do not feel obligated to make this time comfortable.[return]
[17] It’s no good, is what it is. It’s miserable and cold and we did not want him to suffer this, did not want him to hurt. But now he knows, so now he will behave. Now he will be good.[return]
[18] They will look spectacular—get pictures.[return]
[19] He didn’t forget, did he? Remind him, if necessary.[return]
[20] Feel free to stay and watch them fuck. We lost our appetite.[return]