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There's blood everywhere on his hammer.
Every nook, every cranny, every ridge of the engraving - saturated with goblin blood. It smells delicious. Were he not surrounded by the party, he'd lick it clean-
No, that would be weird. And strange. And concerning. And he's concerned them - and himself - enough. So he dunks the rag in the quickly-reddening water and takes to scrubbing the gore out again. He hadn't done it last night and now he's suffering for it, already congealed and taunting him. He doesn't even remember bloodying it this badly-
His fists clench, and the wood of the shaft cracks under his palm. "Shit."
"Alright?" Tavares calls out, poking his head out of his tent.
"I broke it," Aunii mutters, staring down at his lap blankly. Something feels almost familiar, in the back of his hole-ridden brain, and bile starts to rise in his throat. "I didn't mean to-"
"Easy fix," Tav shrugs, looking over his shoulder. He moves Aunii's hands aside to look at the break, then hums an incantation and Aunii watches as the wood knits itself back together, like nothing ever happened. "No harm, no foul."
"...thank you," he says quietly. After a few moments of stillness, he looks up to see Tavares staring at his brow ridge.
"When did you get your piercings?" the tiefling asks, before he can open his mouth.
"I- dunno. I don't remember."
"Do they hurt? Just around where they were pierced?"
He thinks about it for a moment. "A little?"
Tav nods. "Whoever did them, they either didn't do it right or they didn't give you the proper instructions. The metal's rusted. You either need to replace them or give them a deep clean."
He reaches up to touch one of the spikes, frowning. "Really?"
"Mhm. I have spares, if you want to change them out while they're cleaned." He goes back to his tent and pulls out a small jewelry chest and a small jar. "I bought some off the druids. And some spare horn cream, for Wyll. Come on."
Aunii hesitates. Whatever had happened yesterday, the spots where his memory goes blank again, he knows it wasn't... good. The others have avoided him, looks of suspicion and wariness and fear in their eyes. He can see it in Tav's eyes too, and the snarling little part of him wants to see that look when he rips the horns straight from his skull-
"Are you sure?"
"Sure... what?"
"That you- want me. With you."
Tav pauses. "We're in this together, Aunii. I'm not booting you to the side because of one day."
"It's not one day. It's- all the days."
"You don't go feral on us."
Yet.
"And that's good enough for me," Tav finishes. "Now, let's go get your piercings changed and see if that helps, yeah?"
"Alright," he murmurs, setting his weaponry down and standing. He towers over the rest of them in this camp, even taller than this new druid they've brought along with them, and he's sure it doesn't help their fear of him.
Tavares leads him to the riverside. Karlach is already sitting there, working on heating up a needle pulled from Astarion's sewing kit. "Hey there, soldier," she calls out to Aunii, a grin crossing her face. "You here to get pierced too?"
"He needs his cleaned, first," Tav answers for him. "His have rusted."
"Shit, that'll fuck your brain up," Karlach snorts. "Might be faster than the worms."
"I didn't realize they'd rusted," Aunii says, reaching up to trace the ridge of his brow to try and find where the top ones are. He finds the back of one, and starts to struggle to untwist it. Each movement jostles it in its place, and suddenly he can feel that pain Tav was talking about - he winces, twitching away, and then grumbles.
"Do you want a hand?" Tav asks softly, glancing back at him.
"...maybe?"
The bard nods, setting the box and the jar next to Karlach. "The cream's for Wyll, I was able to knick the spares off some of the refugees before they left. Between all three of us, we can probably make it to the Gate before we run out."
"Heard, I'll show him how to use it. When you're done, would you mind givin' me a hand with my nose?"
"You sure you want that?" he teases, coming to stand in front of Aunii. The changeling sits, letting Tav look over his head carefully. Fingers find the back of his piercing again, and he's a lot more careful as he unscrews it, a low thrum of healing in his hands as he works the spike free.
"If you fuck up, you can heal me faster, so yeah," Karlach laughs.
"Alright, fair enough. Surprised you'll trust me again, after what happened last time-"
"Hey, I like that piercing! It's unique-"
"Because you aren't supposed to pierce that high, Karlach!"
"Yeah, so no one else has it! I'm the talk of the piercing parlor!"
The first of the spikes comes free. Tav sets it in Aunii's palm before starting on the others. He's not lying, the metal is covered in rust and what looks like old blood, the back of it flaking where it screws into the spike itself. How long have these been in his skull? Who put them there? Did someone treat him as gently as Tav is now, soothing hands over scales he can barely feel as it's drove into his skull? Were they like Karlach, tongue between her teeth as she examines her ear in a mirror, before jabbing a hot needle through in one quick movement, barely reacting as she lets the hole form?
"Open your mouth, I'm going for the ones on your jaw," Tavares says, passing three other rusted spikes to him. He obeys - it's disorienting to feel someone rooting around in his mouth for where the other piercings are, but admittedly it's starting to ease some of the soreness he's gotten used to.
The urge to clamp his jaw shut strikes him again. He can hear it - the crunch of bone under his teeth, poor little bard would never play again, not when he's missing both his broken, shattered hands, the warmth of magic ending just like that as the warmth of blood fills his mouth instead-
A hand smacks you on the nose. "Stop drooling and keep your mouth open."
"I'm hungry-"
"And you won't be eating my hands, whelp. Hold still."
He jolts, jaw twitching, but he keeps it together. The same voice, the same woman as the one in his dreams. He wants to know her, he wants to remember her, but even her face fades when he wakes up in the mornings. He can't recreate her face like he did that first night. It probably wasn't even her face properly, just an approximation. Something deep down in his soul aches at that - that doesn't feel right, why should he know her face like he knows his own?
"Done," Tavares says finally, pulling his hands out from his mouth and wiping the saliva off on his pants. "It looks like there are other piercings in there, just not all of them have spikes at the moment. But they're all around the edges of your scales, so someone at least knew where to pierce them."
"But not how to care for them," Aunii murmurs.
"That or it's a side effect from sitting in one of the mind flayer pods," Tav shrugs. "But with how heavily they've rusted, I don't think so." The bard takes the spikes from him, starts sifting through them, and grimaces. "I don't know if this is something I can clean here, they may need an actual proper solution and a soak, which I can't do until we get back to the Gate."
"So they're ruined."
Tav sighs. "Not ruined, just... not fixable with our current equipment." He passes them back to Aunii, and then squeezes his shoulder. "Go look at what I have in the box, see what you like. I'm going to help Karlach out, then I can give you a hand getting some of the trickier ones back in if you need."
"Alright."
Tav steps away, goes to take the needle from Karlach and stop the last of the bleeding from her ear. He gives them their space, picking through the various studs, jewels, and dangles Tav has picked out from various sources. There's a few smaller studs, like the spikes but less obtrusive, less... stabby. Maybe the piercings were the problem, and if he has something less pointy in his skull, he'll be less inclined towards bloody murder.
It doesn't work like that, whelp.
Quiet, voice in my head. I'm focusing.
Carefully, he examines himself in the mirror, and begins the process of putting himself back together.