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“I was a human once before. Did I tell you that?”
A sleepy grunt was all the Doctor received in response from the warm body leaning against his chest, but he went on anyway.
“It wasn't really me at the time. I mean, it was me, but I wasn't myself. Long story. Hard to explain. See, I had to use the chameleon arch to…”
There was another grunt, which the Doctor took to mean Rose was actually listening.
“... Not the point. Point is, I was human for a while. Fully human, a year or so ago, for a couple of months. I always thought… and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because you know how much I love you lot, but I always thought being human would be sort of rubbish. Singular vascular system, absolutely no master override ability to your autonomic functions… but I like it. Last time, I didn't wanna go back. I thought it was just because I was attached to someone at the time and wanted to stay with her. But no, now I have to admit that it was more than that. Not just that. There's an urgency to being human, isn't there? The mortality, I suppose. And this body's a lot more sensitive than I expected, it's just in different ways than I'm used to. It's a lot harder to ignore the biological imparitives, for one. I need to sleep. Need to eat. Need to have sex,” he squeezed Rose around the middle and she sighed. She shifted in his arms until she faced him, resting her cheek on his belly and wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Glad you're enjoying it, Doctor,” she mumbled, and lapsed back into a doze. The Doctor took the hint at last and cuddled her closer, returning to his book.
A few silent minutes passed, then Rose took in a sharp breath and blinked open her eyes. “You were attached to someone at the time? Wazzat mean?” She pushed herself into a half pushup, blinking at him with a surly expression. The combination of the face and the rat's nest on her head from their energetic activities earlier that evening made her look like a grumpy toddler, and the Doctor let out an accidental snirk, realizing a moment later that it was precisely the wrong thing to do in the circumstances. She sat up properly, rubbing her eyes and combing her fingers through her hair. “I guess I never asked… You had another relationship, then? When we were apart? ”
“Oh… no, not like that…” He sighed and removed his glasses, placing them and his book on the nightstand. “I had to go into hiding,” he explained, “even from myself. The chameleon arch rewrote my biology and removed my memories. I was… a completely different person. This… Bumbling school teacher. A nice bloke. Simple. Sweet. But not me.”
“And you… He… fell for someone?”
The Doctor looked at her a little sadly. “Yes. He did. I had to break her heart though. And his. I tore them apart because we couldn't both exist.” He leaned forward and took Rose's hand in both of his, “it never would have happened if I'd been me, Rose. Not then.”
Rose smiled a little, then pulled her lips between her teeth, fiddling his his knuckles. “Do you think you would have? Eventually?”
He considered the question carefully. She deserved more than consoling platitudes. He thought of Martha, and the way he'd led her on because it felt good to be reminded of the feeling of being adored. The way it made him forget, now and again, that he'd lost the love of his life. Astrid crossed his mind as well, the bright young waitress who wanted to see the stars. He was tempted with her. But even then… how much was he just trying to forget his broken hearts?
“I think I would have tried. Eventually.” Rose's hands tightened on his, but she nodded. “I say, tried… because I was so empty with you gone, Rose. I wanted something to fill the void. But Rose,” he pulled her chin up to look at him. “Do you know what I realized?” She shook her head. “This body was made for you. Well,” he amended, “that body. So this one by default as well.”
“What?” She smirked and huffed a tiny laugh. He tried not to be offended. He supposed it was a cheesy line.
“I mean literally,” he grinned, “I had plenty of time to think about it. There's always some subconscious reason I get the regeneration I do, but it's not always immediately clear. Maybe I've been a little too frivolous and need to spend some time as someone a little more down to earth. And then I might need to lighten up - and overcompensate going in the other direction…” He sighed, fondly chagrined by the memories of his past selves. “And this time, I just wanted to be… yours.”
“Really?”
He nodded solomnly. “Did I do an okay job?”
Rose's grin blossomed as she leaned in to kiss him. They got a little lost in the kissing for a few minutes, which seemed to be becoming a pattern in the week since they'd been reunited. In the middle of the inevitable disrobing that followed, Rose finally remembered to answer his question.
“What do you think?”