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There’s another note in her locker.
Sidney unfolds it with trepidation, casting a wary glance over her shoulder. This is the third note in as many days and she hasn’t seen neither hide nor hair of her secret admirer.
Or stalker.
Maybe it’s too early to tell.
I can’t keep my eyes off you, Sid.
She frowns, folds it back up, tucks it in her back pocket.
“You get another love note?” Tatum materializes by her side and Sidney startles, slamming her locker shut even though there’s nothing incriminating to be found inside and she has no reason to be feeling guilty.
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb.” Tatum holds out her hand, palm up. “I saw you stick that note in your pocket. Let me see.”
Reluctantly, Sidney hands it over, folding her arms over her chest to watch anxiously as Tatum unfolds it. “It’s hardly a love note.”
“I can’t keep my eyes off you,” she reads. Then, she flips the note around. “Nothing on the back this time? Too bad. The last one was pretty sweet.”
“Or creepy.” Sidney snatches the note back. “Besides, what am I supposed to do with this?”
“Keep it? Get rid of it? Your choice.”
“But what am I going to say to Billy?” She doesn’t like the idea of telling him, but she doesn’t like the idea of hiding it from him either.
Hiding what from him? It’s just a note?
A note from a secret admirer, which he might just see as someone trying to encroach on his territory.
He’s so sweet to her, but sometimes he’s so angry… He’s never put his hands on her, but still… It would be like stirring up a hornet’s nest. Maybe his anger wouldn’t be directed at her, but even so.
She’d really rather not.
Tatum shrugs. “That’s up to you. But you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“No,” Sidney agrees. But, deep down, she wonders if Billy would feel the same way.
“Look, I’ve got to get to class.” She doesn’t want to think about what Billy would think. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. She won’t tell him about the notes. She’ll stop getting them before too long. It’s no big deal. “But I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure.” Tatum shrugs. “We can hang out. Maybe grab the boys? Find something to do?”
Sidney smiles and ignores the way her heart palpitates. She’s anxious, but why should she be? She’s already made her decision. “Sounds good.”
“Hey.” Billy nudges her with his knee. School’s out and the four of them are sitting on the concrete outside, trying to pick an activity without much luck.
Stu and Billy can’t agree and Tatum hasn’t had much interest in settling in, which leaves Sidney.
“Hmmm?” Sidney lifts her head. She hadn’t even realized she’d been drifting off. “What is it?”
Without quite meaning to, she catches Stu’s eye and realizes he’s been staring at her.
He looks away quickly. Maybe a little too quickly.
Weird.
She pushes it out of her mind because Billy is still staring at her with those piercing brown eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”
“Are you feeling alright, Sidney?” Tatum leans forward, concerned. She presses a hand against Sidney’s forehead. “You’re looking a little pale.”
Sidney pushes her hand away. “I’m fine, sorry. Just distracted.” She’s a little embarrassed that she let herself drift off the way she did.
Tatum shoots her a knowing look, understanding where her mind has been. Sidney kicks her ankle.
Billy’s hand finds her knee. “I was asking if you wanted to grab a bite to eat.”
“Oh.” As if on cue, her stomach rumbles. “Sure.”
She decides to forget about the notes. For the time being at least.
As it turns out, that won’t last.
They get dinner at their usual place, a burger joint that’s fifteen minutes down the road from the high school.
It’s not anything to write home about, but they make some killer home fries and it’s honestly hard to beat a good burger.
Billy sits in the booth beside her and holds her hand while they wait for their food. Sidney leans against him, her head resting on his shoulder. She lives for these moments when she can get them.
Billy is so rarely peaceful. Since the day his mother left him, sometimes it feels like something else has taken up residence in his skin and it’s… just hard sometimes.
It scares her sometimes, but also she understands.
It’s not easy to lose a mom.
But there’s a way Billy gets sometimes… It makes her wonder what he’s capable of. It makes her feel like a terrible girlfriend for wondering that in the first place.
Stu and Tatum sit across the table with their arms around each other.
“So I was thinking maybe we could hit the movies after this?” Tatum suggests, shoving Stu off of her affectionately. “Maybe we can grab Randy? I think his shift at the video store will be ending soon.”
“Hey, Tatum, what gives? Don’t you love me anymore?” He gives her a wounded puppy, which she does her very best to ignore, but she gives him a consoling pat on the arm and he slides despondently down in the booth.
“Nah. Nothing good’s playing,” Billy says, making the decision for all of them.
“Hey, you never know,” Stu interjects. “Maybe something good is playing.”
Billy stares him down. “Not unless you want to watch some dumb romance.”
“Some dumb romance,” Stu mocks and makes a face, going bug-eyed and sticking his tongue out.
“Come on. Be mature for once.” Tatum rolls her eyes but Sidney laughs before she catches herself.
“They’re not all dumb,” she protests weakly.
“Okay, sure.” Billy releases her hand and slides his arm around her shoulders in a way that seems more possessive more than anything else, but Sidney still settles against his side. “There’s a few good ones. I just can’t think of any titles.” He smirks.
“What about Pretty Woman?” Sidney asks, angling her head to glance up at him.
“ Sleepless in Seattle?” Tatum adds, waving half a fry in the air.
“Not to my liking, sorry.” He shrugs and goes back to eating his fries.
“Billy’s not into anything that doesn’t have Sharon Stone,” Stu guffaws and Sidney squirms.
Billy kicks him under the table. Hard. “Shut up, Stu,” he hisses.
“Ow, man! Hey, what gives?” Stu rubs his shin with an affronted look.
“Let it go, Stu,” Tatum says, grabbing his hand.
In the end, they don’t go to the movies. The boys go off on their own and Tatum phones her parents to tell them she’s going to spend the night at Sidney’s.
“How are you and Billy doing?” Tatum is wrapping a strand of hair around her finger, painting her toenails bubblegum pink with the other hand.
The question catches Sidney off guard. She glances at Tatum, flipping the page of her magazine. “Fine, I think. Why?”
“You guys seemed a little off at dinner. That’s all.”
“What do you mean?”
Tatum shrugs. “It’s just the vibe. You don’t seem as into each other.”
She holds the magazine out to Tatum. “What do you think of this hair?”
Tatum wrinkles her nose. “Ew. Do better, girl. Those bangs are not doing her any favors. But that outfit is sexy.”
Sidney angles her head, looking over it with a more critical eye. “Don’t you think it’s showing a little too much skin?”
“I think it might just knock Billy’s socks off if he saw you in it.” Tatum waggles her eyebrows.
“Oh.” She stares at it for a moment longer before sets it off to the side. “Why are you worried about me and Billy?”
Tatum doesn’t say anything at first.
Sidney waits.
“It’s just… Stu has been acting weird.”
Sidney thinks back to the last time she’d seen Stu. He’s never been shy about acting friendly with her, but he seems to have been keeping a small distance lately. “How so?”
“I don’t think I make him happy anymore.”
“Has he said this?”
“It’s just a feeling, but I can’t seem to shake it. I’m worried about us.”
“Come here.” Sidney wraps her arm around Tatum and pulls her close. “I’m sure it’s nothing. He’ll be back to acting like his old self in no time.”
“Maybe.” Tatum casts an unhappy look her way. “I just wish he would tell me, whatever it is.”
“Give him a chance. He might just need a little time to work through it on his own.”
There’s never been any question in Sidney’s mind that Stu and Tatum would be one of the couples that made it. They adore each other.
“I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” Sidney gives her friend another squeeze. “You’ll see.”
“You’ve been acting weird. What’s going on?”
“No, I’m not.” Sidney takes a step back. She frowns at him. Billy acts so intense sometimes that it makes her feel like he’s a completely different person. This is one of those times. “Billy, what’s gotten into you?”
“I’m not allowed to ask how my girlfriend is doing?” he challenges.
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what was implied.”
“I’m not acting… weird, Billy.” She shakes her head. “I just have other things on my mind right now.”
“Like what?”
Sidney opens her mouth. Now is the time to tell him about the notes, she thinks. But his expression stops her. He won’t receive the news well.
“Nothing. I’m sorry.” She tries to walk away, but he catches her arm.
“Sidney…” His demeanor has changed. He seems apologetic now.
“It’s nothing, Billy,” she says firmly. She pulls her arm back.
Billy lets her go this time, but she knows she hasn’t done a thing to end his suspicions. At least for now he seems content to drop it.
Who knows how long that will last?
She exhales, rubbing her face. She really should just tell him.
That night, Sidney lies awake thinking. She’s thinking of a lot of things, but mostly, she’s thinking about her relationship.
Maybe she’s falling out of love with Billy Loomis. Maybe she already has.
Maybe she hasn’t been in love with him for a long time.
Thinking that, acknowledging that really, is like feeling a weight being lifted from her shoulders.
She shuts her eyes and exhales gently, scrubbing a hand over her face.
When did her life become so hard to figure out?
“Heya, Sidney.”
It isn’t Tatum who surprises her at her locker the next morning. It’s Stu Macher.
“Stu?” She spins around. There had been no note this morning. She’s not sure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Relieved, she decides with finality. She’s got enough going on in her life without adding something else to the pile. “Where’s Tatum?” She thinks back to what Tatum had said before about her relationship with Stu.
Maybe now would be a good time to ask him about that. Something holds her tongue, however. It’s none of her business, she reasons. Whatever’s going on, they’ll find a way to work it out, but she shouldn’t involve herself in her friends’ relationship.
“Somewhere,” Stu says. “Looking for something?”
“Why would I be?” She narrows her eyes, squinting at him with suspicion.
“No reason.” Stu shrugs, but he makes a gesture towards her locker. “Just looked like you were expecting something.”
“Well, I’m not.” She grabs her books.
“Wait!” Stu calls after her. He doesn’t grab for her arm the way Billy had before.
Sidney pauses, turns back around, waits to hear what he has to say, but he waits until he’s close enough that they won’t be overheard.
“We’re not together anymore.” When Sidney looks at him in shock, he clarifies. “I broke up with Tatum. Or, well,” he corrects himself ruefully, “she broke up with me.”
He… what?
Sidney goes still. “Stu, I’m so sorry.”
It’s a part of life. People break up, but she had never expected it for them- even with what Tatum said to her lingering in the back of her mind. She’d been so convinced they would make it through whatever troubles they were having.
It looks like she was wrong.
He shrugs, glancing over his shoulder once. He scratches the back of his neck. “Do you think we could talk actually?”
“Now?”
“Well… yeah?”
“Can it wait? There’s something I really ought to talk to Billy about. Have you seen him?”
Her answer seems to disappoint Stu. He glances off to the side. “No, I can’t say that I have.”
“Well, when you do see him, could you tell him I’m looking for him? Thanks.” She hesitates. “Meet me after school, okay?” She lays a hand on his arm, which seems to electrify him. He glances sharply at her. “We can talk then.”
Something like hope lights up in his eyes. She definitely doesn’t have time to unpack that. “Okay.”
Tatum won’t look at her. It had seemed odd to Sidney that Stu, not Tatum, had been the one stop by her locker, but when she runs into her in the halls, her friend is acting surprisingly cold.
“Tatum!” Sidney tries to reach out to her, but Tatum sidesteps her neatly. She won’t look at her. Her eyes are cold. She looks like she might have been crying. Or at least trying not to.
“Not now, Sidney,” she says tightly. Is Sidney imagining it? Maybe. Tatum would never let herself cry in public, but if she’s just broken up with her boyfriend…
This definitely has to be over Stu, but if Tatum won’t talk to her, there isn’t much she can do about it.
Sidney is left with the sneaking suspicion that her life is about to start spiraling far out of her control- if it hasn’t already- and she’s starting to think she might know what it’s all about.
She can’t skip class, but forget about waiting until after school.
She needs to talk to Stu.
Before any of that can happen, she runs into Billy.
Like, literally runs into him,
She’s just getting out of British lit- the assigned reading is Jane Eyre and the teacher has given them each a printed sheet of possible essay topics that, so far, she’s barely glanced at- when she collides with another body.
“Oh, sorry, I’m…” She stops talking when she looks up into the eyes of Billy Loomis. “Billy. I… I was looking for you actually.”
“That’s funny,” Billy says and there’s something about his voice that makes her take a mental step back. His eyes too. There’s something barely restrained there. “I was looking for you too.”
Before Sidney can ask for his reasons, he thrusts something at her. Her heart sinks when she realizes it’s a slip of paper.
She stares at it. “You were in my locker?”
He doesn’t hesitate for a second. “You dropped it. And I talked to Tatum.”
Sidney’s brain short circuits and she thinks back to how Tatum had ignored her in the halls earlier. “Tatum…?” She tries to make sense of what he’s saying. “Billy, can we not do this here?”
“Why were you hiding this from me, Sidney? Were you going behind my back?”
“What? Why would I be going behind your back? Billy, it’s just a note!”
“It’s not just a note, Sidney!” He grabs her by the arm, hard enough that Sidney gasps.
“Billy, stop. That hurts.”
He plows over her, “It’s the fact that you kept it from me. The fact that…” He stops. He still hasn’t released her arm.
“And what, Billy?” Sidney stops trying to get away. “What do you think I’ve been doing?”
“Hey!” Before Billy can give her an answer, someone else intervenes. Stu is suddenly there, shoving Billy away from her. “Don’t touch her!”
Sidney staggers back, mouth dropping open in shock. Around them, the world seems to slow down as students take notice of what’s going on. Everyone stops to stare, but not a one thinks to step in and put a stop to it.
Billy doesn’t seem shocked by Stu’s arrival. What he does seem is angry. “Get off of me!” he snarls, shoving Stu back, but Stu is persistent.
“She’s too good for you! I always thought that!” He keeps shoving Billy until he has him against the wall.
Billy’s face has gone red with rage. “And what?” he demands. “You think you’re the one?”
“Stop!” Sidney cries and is ignored. “Stop it! Both of you!”
“Fight!” Someone starts up a cheer. “ Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Sidney can’t take it anymore. She turns to flee.
Before she does, she catches sight of Tatum. There’s something like an accusation in her eyes. Sidney can’t bear to look any longer.
She pushes away from the crowd and she runs.
Sidney wonders how much of this has been going over her head.
Her best friend hates her. She and her boyfriend have unofficially broken up. And Stu…
Sidney doesn’t even know where to begin processing this.
How long has he carried a torch for her? Has he been stringing Tatum along this entire time? Thinking about that makes her so pissed.
But at the same time, she appreciates the fact that he stood up for her. She doesn’t know what else to do so she looks for him.
She did promise she would. Even if things have… changed.
She doesn’t call his house. She’s not sure how much his parents have heard and she really doesn’t want to involve herself in any of that.
He and Billy haven’t been at school. Their fight in the hall has gotten them both suspended for the time being.
Tatum still won’t talk to her, which hurts more than Sidney can admit.
Which has left Randy. As sweet as he is, he’s not exactly the best person to talk to about these kinds of things.
There’s a skateboard park in town; Stu used to go there a lot. Maybe he still does. In any case, it’s worth a shot.
She heads there.
And it’s where she finds him, doing tricks in the same park he and Billy used to frequent together while she and Tatum watched and cheered.
She’s so confused by everything, but at least she can start finding some answers.
“What’s that one called?” she calls, announcing her presence.
Stu stops what he’s doing and spins around. “A darkslide.” He looks almost cautious and maybe a little hopeful when he looks at her. Sidney doesn’t know what to make of it. “I didn’t think you would come here, Sidney.”
“I surprised myself too.”
He wets his lips, eyes darting to the side. “Listen, Sidney…”
She’s too good for you! I’ve always thought that!
She can’t get those words out of her head.
Sidney holds up a hand to stop him. “Wait.”
Stu acquiesces, falling silent.
“How long?”
“How long?” he echoes, brows drawn close together.
“Come on, Stu. You’re not stupid. I mean how long have you thought about me like that? And why the notes?”
“It was stupid.”
“Yeah, it was.”
He looks away. “I don’t know what to tell you, Sid. I guess I’ve just always had a thing for you.”
Sidney folds her arms and sniffs. She has to glance away for a second, collecting herself. “What about Tatum?”
“Look, I’m not happy about how things ended either…”
“You could have just ended it.”
“I know.” To his credit, he really does look remorseful.
It’s not enough.
Not yet.
She’d told herself she wouldn’t cry when she found him. Apparently, that had been a lie. She wipes at her eyes. “I really don’t know what to say.”
“I guess you wouldn’t.”
Sidney frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You were always better than I was, Sidney.”
She shakes her head. “No…”
“ Yes,” he says forcefully. “It’s part of what I liked about you. Billy didn’t appreciate you enough. He’s too caught up in his own head.”
Sidney swallows. “And Tatum?”
“You’re right. I should have ended it.”
She wants to ask him why he didn't. She probably should ask him why he didn’t.
But, in the end, it won’t matter why he didn’t.