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Henry has two major regrets in his life.
The first is opting to go to uni in the oppressively hot state of Texas. It had been a rebellious bluff that had been called after a long series of arguments with his grandmother and his brother over his future. He’s going to UT Austin of all places as a fuck you to his family and there is nothing they can do about it. At least the view is lovely. Home of the brave, land of the rugged cowboys in Stetsons and chiselled athletes in loose tank tops playing drinking games on the lawn.
The second is to encourage his classmate Kim to ask out his new friend Alex on their very first week on campus.
He is his own worst enemy, really. Kim sat next to him in their introductory British Literature class and immediately positioned herself as his “official” guide to all things American when she heard his accent. She’s nice, if a bit… spirited. She’ll say things like, “Have you ever met the Queen of England?” and, “I’ve always wanted a gay best friend,” once she learned about his orientation, but she’s fine enough. They see each other every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday through that first semester.
Prior to meeting her in class, Henry met Alex at Freshman Orientation.
Alex Claremont-Diaz is a force of nature. Henry both wants to be swept into that whirlwind and fears getting too close to his pull in equal parts.
Alex is the one who approaches him first, with a smile that could power the world, after finding Henry shy away from the rest of the group. Alex is a Government major and proclaims that one day he will become President of the United States. Henry would give him his vote if he could. Through Freshman Orientation, Alex talks his ear off about the wonders of Texas barbecue, lacrosse (he made the team and is very excited), a hand gesture called the Hook ‘em Horns that every UT Austin alum should know, and the structure of the U.S. federal government.
After their second Brit Lit class together, Henry and Kim happen to run into Alex in the corridors of Patton Hall. Alex brightens in a way that makes Henry’s insides molten and gives Henry an energetic wave as they pass each other.
Henry doesn’t think much of it besides basking in the warmth as it lasts, but Kim’s eyes bug out and her perfectly arched eyebrows shoot up at Henry. “You know him?” she asks him.
Henry does indeed. They’ve been texting since Alex gave him his phone number at the last day of Freshman Orientation. He shrugs and answers, feigning indifference, “We were in the same group during Freshman Orientation and—”
Kim grabs his arm with startling strength. “You have to introduce me to him.”
One thing about Kim is that she is pretty. Very pretty. Henry sees how a good percentage of the male student body eyes her. He does understand where the appeal comes from. Kim is petite yet curvy, with a voice that drawls with vocal fry and innocent sweetness. She always has her makeup perfectly done, always wears her long dark hair in effortlessly loose waves, and always wears the latest fashion. Henry knows how it works.
So, Henry baulks. He had his eyes on him first. Not that he had much hope for anything coming out of this. Like Kim, he sees how a good percentage of the female student body eyes Alex. He knows how that works too.
Kim must have sensed something because she tells him with a scoff, “C’mon, Henry! He’s a lax bro. I don’t know if there’s lacrosse back in England, but lax bros are, like, super straight. You have to do this for me.”
That’s that then. That Friday, when Alex bounces over to say hi again after Brit Lit, Henry introduces him to Kim and bows away. Later he learns that Kim asked Alex if he’d like to go to the Blanton Museum of Art with her and have dinner afterwards that weekend. They’ve been going unsteadily ever since.
Henry and Alex remain friends through uni. Henry learns far more about lacrosse than someone like him has any business of knowing. He also learns far more about Alex than someone who’s just a friend has any business knowing.
Henry learns about Alex’s parents, his older sister in California, and his goals, aspirations, and insecurities. Alex learns about Henry’s father, how his family buckled without him, and how he essentially ran away at the first chance he had. It’s an ache that lingers, understanding someone so well yet having to keep him at arm’s length.
And Kim… Kim is fine. She’s alright. They continue to share a class or two a semester because they are in the same program with similar interests— Kim is a fellow Austen fan and Henry can respect that.
Well, truth be told… she’s a vapid and shallow snake that gets by on her looks as well as manipulative pleasantries, is gleefully ignorant and disinterested in anything or anyone but herself, and can barely keep up with the rigour of academia, much less with Alex’s intellect… but that’s just Henry’s humble opinion.
However, she is Alex’s girlfriend and his own classmate, and so Henry remains friendly. He’s been raised with polite smiles that restrain contempt. It’s in his blood. So, when she does something like wrinkle her nose as Alex is showing them his curated collection of vinyl records at his childhood home and tells him, “I don’t get why you two like dad rock. There’s like, way better music these days,” in a way that makes Alex wilt, Henry pulls on the smile and changes the subject.
By the spring term of their last year of undergrad, Henry has gotten over it. Mostly. He can cope.
It’s a common occurrence during the last three and a half years for Henry to be studying at his flat (thank you, trust fund), Bowie or Elton on the speakers, and have Alex barge in with his borrowed key.
This time, on a Tuesday night like any other, Alex is on the phone as he throws open the door for one of his visits. David perks up from his nap and trots over to say hello. Henry rolls his desk chair to the open bedroom door to watch Alex’s exasperation.
“No, look— I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Alex says into his phone. He’s wobbling around as he tries to keep his balance with his phone pinched against one shoulder and his gym bag on the other, while locking the door behind him and bending over to pet David. Must have just gotten out of lacrosse practice. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m at Henry’s. Listen, we’ll talk later, okay? Bye… Bye.” He hangs up with a forceful tap, drops his bag on the floor, and lets out a frustrated groan.
Henry eyes him from down the hall, eyebrows up. “Hello to you too.”
Alex scrubs a hand over his face and through his curls as he comes join him in his bedroom, David following along. “Sorry about that.” Henry just waves a dismissive hand, not minding it, but Alex barrels on, “It’s just… Fuck, it’s so dumb. I was at Kim’s last night, studying. I had the news on my tablet for background noise and they’re talking about the foreign assistance package that’s going through the Senate. So, I was like, ‘Let’s see how Bitch McConnell is ruining democracy this time.’”
Henry does have to stifle a snort to remain impartial.
With wide hand gestures, Alex continues, “And she’s like, ‘Don’t say that about a senator. Be respectful even if you disagree with his views.’ And I’m like, ‘The fuck? You know I have zero respect for Turtle Man over there.’”
“Oh, Christ. Turtle Man?” Now Henry lets out a laugh, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.
That makes Alex grin as he concludes, “Yeah! Then she started to give me the silent treatment until she decided that this very moment is the perfect time to address it.”
Henry clears his throat to settle down and says, “Well, I hope you’re able to resolve that.” No, he doesn’t. Not at all. Then he adds, a smile tugging at his lips, “…It’s the pencil neck and the lack of lips. Makes him look like a deranged turtle in a suit.”
Alex gives him an effusive, “Thank you. Someone understands.”
Henry does. He does understand Alex, who drops himself on his bed without a care in the world. David hops up on the bed to join him for a cuddle. He only ever does this with Alex; for any other bloke Henry brings over, he prefers to sulk in his seldom used doggy bed in the other corner than join them. Henry tries not to think about how well David and Alex get along and remains on his desk chair.
With David nudging him with his nose for more head scratches, Alex tell Henry all about his day. The talking lulls him, even as it reminds him of that time that Kim told him, ‘Alex just doesn’t shut up, does he?’. He pipes up abruptly in the middle of complaining about a professor, “You’ll be at Friday’s game, right?”
“Have I ever missed a game?” Henry points out. He’s somehow become a Longhorn men’s lacrosse team fan. Well, it’s not so surprising, given the team captain that is currently lounging in his bed. He’s so gorgeous.
That makes Alex grin, though then his mouth twists in a certain way. “By the way, Kim said she’s coming to the game.” Henry’s stomach sinks. Alex waves a dismissing hand in the air. “Well, that was before this stupid fight, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”
Fuck. That’ll be something. She’s never been to any of Alex’s games. Bloody hell, she’s in the cheer team — the captain by their third year — and evidently, they don’t cheer at lacrosse games. Henry had tagged along with Alex, who goes as much as he can, to one of her meets out of curiosity. He does respect the athleticism and the artistry required. He just doesn’t understand why she doesn’t give Alex the same support.
So, on Friday night, Henry is at Clark Field in a burnt orange Longhorns lacrosse shirt, blue jeans, and worn-out sneakers he doesn’t mind getting scuffed in the grass. If only his family could see him now.
When he sees Kim teetering up the metal bleacher stairs, Henry raises a hand in greeting to be polite but then drops his hand as she doesn’t do the same. God strike him down now, please.
Kim is in a tight shirt and a short skirt that will surely get uncomfortable sitting on the plastic seats. She is also inexplicably wearing high heels. Henry tries not to fret over her outfit.
The team rushes into the field in a rush of orange as the crowd cheers. Number 1 Claremont-Diaz turns to the bleachers, scanning the crowd, and then waves his stick at them. Rather, he waves his stick at Kim, Henry is sure, who waves back and blows him kisses. Henry mercifully catches himself before he waves back at what was clearly meant for Alex’s girlfriend.
The team huddles for one last talk before breaking with, “Longhorns!” and the players get into positions on the field. With the whistle, the game begins. The Longhorns win the faceoff.
“Alex is an attacker, right?” Kim asks, glancing over at Henry.
Henry keeps his eyes on the game, on Alex. “No, he’s a midfielder, but he is more of an offensive midfielder,” he explains.
“Oh, right. Yeah.” She turns towards the field again. “They’re going so fast. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
Henry doesn’t mind her. Anyway, not two minutes into the game, Kim is on her phone and not paying attention.
Alex is in his element. He’s fast, both physically and in making decisions. Henry is enthralled by watching him dodge and dive, seeing how he puzzles out the game.
It’s not too long before Alex dodges a defender and sinks the ball into the goal from down low. The crowd jumps up and cheers. Henry is the loudest. It’s easy to get swept away by the excitement.
Kim startles from her phone. “What happened? We scored?”
For Christ’s sake. “Yes, Alex scored!” Henry tells her, raising his voice over the crowd in a way that hides most of his irritation.
“Oh, shit! Alex scored!” Now she jumps up and cheers with everyone, just in time for Alex to pump his stick towards the crowd in appreciation before focusing on the game.
Despite the strong start, the game turns against the Longhorns. By the start of the last quarter, the Longhorns are down 9 to 6. Henry has faith. He’s seen them come back from worse.
Kim stands up after the Longhorns lose the faceoff and turns towards Henry. “Hey, I’m heading out,” she tells him.
That surprises Henry and he doesn’t hide it as he looks up at her with a frown. “You’re heading out?”
She shrugs. “Yeah, I’m pretty bored, I-D-K.” She starts scooting down the line of bleaches, teetering on her high heels. “Tell Alex I’ll meet him at my place, okay?”
Henry just makes a helpless sound and turns his attention back to the game. Her loss. She misses out on watching the Longhorns come back and win 10-9, with two of those goals from Alex. The team and the crowd sing The Eyes of Texas in victory, pinkie and index finger up like horns. It’s utterly ridiculous, but it’s nice to belong to something.
After a victory, Alex usually celebrates with his team, but he had told Henry that he would meet Kim outside the Rec Sports Center after the game. Henry is there in case Kim neglected to let Alex know that she wouldn’t be there. It breaks his heart thinking of Alex coming this way and finding no one.
Alex does appear, freshly showered in worn out jeans and with his gym bag. Henry gets a brief hug that he relishes. “Fantastic game, Alex,” he tells him.
As he lets him go, Alex glances around as he lets him go and asks, a pinch between his brows, “Where’s Kim?”
Henry opts to make an excuse for her, as he often has to. Not for her sake but to be kind to Alex. “She had to leave early,” he says. “I’m sure she’ll text you if she hasn’t already.”
Alex gets a look on his face, a bit hurt. “Oh…”
Henry gives him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Alex.”
He shakes his head. “No, no, it’s fine.” Henry waits because he knows there’s more Alex wants to say, but instead Alex says, “The rest of the team is heading to Liam’s, but I think I’m just gonna head home. It was a tough game and I’m pretty beat.”
“Alright. Makes sense,” Henry says, just able to muster a smile. “We’ll text, yeah?”
Alex grunts in reply and they go their separate ways. Henry heads home with something sitting in the pit of his stomach. Even David can sense that he’s off and sticks by his side for the whole evening.
Sleeplessness isn’t unfamiliar to Henry, but he is especially restless after he goes to bed. He can’t stop thinking about Alex. Which frankly isn’t a rare occurrence, but he’s especially preoccupied tonight. It’s been three and a half years of this. How can Alex not see how being with her hurts him and that Henry has been here the whole time?
Henry gets out of bed. David grunts in displeasure at being jostled, but he settles down on the warm spot Henry leaves. Henry just has to go talk to Alex.
Alex lives with his mother and his stepfather in the house he grew up with to save on dorms. Henry doesn’t entirely know what he’s doing as he bikes down the empty road at nearly midnight. It’s dark and quiet, so Henry tries not to make too much noise as he goes around the house to reach the backyard.
A lamp turns on and a head with a mess of hair pops up to look out the window. The head disappears and in a few moments, Alex steps out of the backdoor, bleary as he rubs his eyes. He’s in a soft looking old lacrosse shirt and flannel pyjama pants, and Henry could just bundle him in his arms.
“Henry?” Alex asks, his voice croaking a bit. “What’re you doing here?”
“I’m sorry,” Henry blurts out. Now that he’s here, he’s not sure what his plan is. “I just… You seemed upset when you left the game and I wanted to check up on you.”
Alex frowns, but he doesn’t seem upset, just confused. “And you didn’t call? Or text?”
Henry gives him a helpless shrug and wraps his arms around himself. “I couldn’t sleep. So… How are you?” May the earth swallow him up now.
A small smile tugs on Alex’s lips. “I couldn’t sleep either,” he says, “I just… I dunno. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About Kim, I mean.”
Henry’s heart jumps up. Where is this going? “What have you been thinking about? Talk to me.”
Alex heaves a sigh. He doesn’t speak up immediately, but Henry waits like he always does. “There’s been little things that she does that bother me,” Alex says. His mouth twitches with displeasure. “And then big things that bother me. I ask her to come to a game, one game, and she doesn’t even bother to stay for the whole time. And you…”
Henry keeps listening through the pause. He knows he has more to say.
Alex shakes his head as if shaking off what’s making him hesitate. “You come to all my games and you’re here in the middle of the night just to check on me.” Henry has to remind himself to breathe. He lets Alex continue, “I thought she… she might be it, but I feel like we’ve been together just on autopilot. Like, we started dating in the first week of fucking freshman year. What have I been doing this whole time? Did I waste all the time I had?” If his eyes seem shinier with emotion, Henry doesn’t mention it.
Henry does nod with empathy. He understands. He absolutely understands. “You haven’t. Not at all. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, Alex. Don’t let this one thing bring you down,” he reassures him. Then wanting to cheer him up, he adds, “Didn’t you tell me once that your dream was to be, and I quote, ‘the DILF-iest President this country has ever seen’?”
That gets a laugh out of Alex, hopefully shaking off some of the sadness. “Yeah. Yup, I did say that,” he says. “I can’t believe you just said DILF-iest out loud.”
Henry shrugs a shoulder, smiling. “I was simply quoting you.”
Alex’s laughter peters out and he stops with a contemplative look on his face. The moonlight emphasize his features, Henry can’t help but notice. God, it’s like a movie. “I’m going to go talk to her. Break things off. Fuck it,” Alex says, eyes on Henry. It’s like he’s the only person in the world. A slow smile spread across Alex’s lips as if he hasn’t enchanted Henry, given him hope. “And after that, you and I are going to Blanton and have dinner together afterwards.”
Is this really happening? Henry doesn’t school his face fast enough to hide the excitement, but he’s able to pull on a sympathetic smile. “That sounds… good. Like a good idea.”
Alex smirks. “You can at least pretend not to be so relieved.”
That earns Alex a smack on the shoulder. “I waited three and a half years for this!” Henry says, forceful but playful. “I’m allowed to be fucking relieved.”
Alex laughs and Henry laughs. Something loosens in his chest. Isn’t this easy?