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The first time they met it was the day he felt like maybe he could do it, maybe he could keep pushing on because he had someone to strive and try his best for. Luke Skywalker has never been good at making friends. Wedge Antilles has never thought such an innocent and heartful being could ever reside on Tatooine.
Between learning mechanics and friendly bickering Luke found solace in his new friend. The knowledge they shared of each other grew deeper every day, gradually spreading it's roots and taking the form of a bond. Playing with the other kids started to evoke a feeling of anger in Luke. Every time someone called the older boy a good friend or laid their hand on his shoulder, in a silent praise Luke wanted to scream. None of them were Wedge's friends. None of them knew of his dreams, his interests, his struggles and his endless kindness. They weren't there to hear Wedge ramble about piloting, to admire his young boyish face when he talked about how he was going to get off this awful planet and fight for those who couldn't, nor were they there to witness their connection when Wedge would hug and pet Luke's hair after his uncle told him they couldn't afford to let him study, not yet anyway, but soon. So when Wedge would smile and allow those touches without any remnant of discomfort Luke's heart would shatter.
He watched Wedge's face shift and morph, becoming a fine young man. His shoulders widened, he gained muscles and compared to the scrawny frame Luke possessed he was gorgeous. More often than not Luke's gaze would drift to his lips, tuning out his words. Wedge would just laugh and ruffle his hair telling asking him what he was daydreaming about. Luke never told him, never asked if Wedge spent as much time as he did trying to remember every detail of his face.
Wedge started closing off, stopped talking about his dreams. Luke could see the sadness that appeared in his eyes whenever he tried to breach the subject. But the way Wedge would hug him tight against his body everyday before the suns went down made up for it. Did Wedge ever feel how hard Luke's heart beat against his rib cage? Did he realise this was caused by their proximity? If he did he never said anything.
The day Luke went over to his friend's house and found out he wasn't there, 'He's going to become a pilot.' his mother proudly announced, was the day he burnt all the blueprints they worked on. And when he realised he just destroyed the only physical things Wedge left him he cried himself to sleep.
Luke Skywalker has never thought he was anything but ordinary. When they boarded the Millennium Falcon was the moment he realised there was no turning back. The smuggler they made a deal with was overconfident, reckless and had a taste for cynicism. He was everything Wedge wasn't and he cursed Han Solo for bringing back unwanted memories yet he couldn't help his whole being from being drawn to him. Maybe it was the way he'd smirk at Luke teaching him about Holonet games or his strange ways of reassuring him. The praise he earned when he took out the Empire's ships made him as excited as he was whenever he told Wedge about a new blueprint idea only to be rewarded with a pat on his shoulder and an approving grin.
Luke Skywalker never thought he'd be able to stargaze without tears clouding the corners of his vision again. But he was here and somehow Wedge was here too, fighting for the rebellion and when they didn't scout the perimeters or were stuck in the gathering room calculating chances and coming up with new strategies, they were sat besides the main window, trying to tilt their heads just at the right angle and see that flicker of silver. Wedge would tell him about the training, how scared he was at the first if not disappointing everyone. One night Luke turned to him and his eyes were pleading. Wedge froze knowing what Luke asked. "If I hadn't left right then, if I went to see you it wouldn't have been for the last time." Luke smiles because they aren't on Tatooine anymore playing catch. He knows there are million of lives at stake and he's happy because his friend Wedge truly is kind.
The remaining formation rejoins, ready for the next step. Luke can't wait for this to be over because then, finally, he'll tell Wedge how much he loves him and how proud of him he is. They're in deep, losing comrades left and right. Red 7 has just been wiped off his radar. It's only the two of them now. It's alright because they got each other's back. They're close to the target when Luke dares to look across the radar and in the next second he's the only signal the radar intercepts. He panics, he screams before a calm suddenly envelops his body and Obi-Wan's soothing voice rings in his broken mind.
He destroy the Death Star thanks to Obi-Wan and Han but he's not feeling any trace of happiness. When he lands he goes straight to Han. The older man's smile disappears and he runs after Luke. The room is probably cold, Luke doesn't care. He clutches, ripping through the material and leaving bruises on Han's skin.
"He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead hesdead hesdeadhesdeadhesdeadhesdead..."
Han let's him, holds him thigh, tries to pour every emotion he has into the embrace. His mental shields are down and Luke feels kindness, he feels love and he smashes his mouth against Han's. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you."
"Tell me you're proud of me."
"There isn't a person in the galaxy I could be more proud of."
"Tell me why did you not let me die?"
"Because I'm selfish. Because I couldn't handle not seeing you one last time."