Work Text:
Maybe it’s Chan’s fault he gets irritated so easily; maybe it’s the way the members seem to argue over things that could be brushed over so much easier if they just came to an agreement; maybe Chan just needs a break.
It’s been a year since his members have known of his regression and taking care of him; they got the hang of it quite fast, especially with calming him down and helping him slip into his headspace, to the point they even made a schedule of days to help him slip just so he doesn’t have stress boiling all over him.
They know when he needs to drop now, when that itch in his skin is begging him to ruin his recovery that he’s tried hard to continue with a small board and Pokémon stickers to match in Felix’s room, when he’s so stressed he feels sick, when he just can’t take it.
Chan had warned them of the bad days, the days where he couldn’t stop himself from sobbing and slipping as far as his brain would allow, just wanting to be loved and promised security and safety. The good days outdo the bad now, with it being a year into the dynamic they’ve built, where he doesn’t have to fear anymore.
He still fears sometimes that this is all just a sick joke to them, but he doesn’t really want them to know that—to not hurt their feelings, as it seems they really do try.
But right now? He can’t take anything around him right now—it’s too much—too loud, too cramped, too hot. Jeongin and Felix are arguing, and as much as Chan wants to break it up, he feels little, and he can’t make them begin to argue more in light of the solid fact that he has slipped on a day that’s not supposed to be him slipping.
He needs to go now. That’s all he thinks about on repeat—get out, get out, get out. And he follows it, not grabbing anything but a coat with his phone wedged into his sweatpants, shoes, and a mask. Maybe he could take his little Wolfie he’s been carrying around everywhere, but that’s in his room, where he has to cross Jeongin and Felix arguing, still not noticing he has gotten up and is making his escape.
He just leaves it; it’s fine. He opens the door with a breath before beginning his journey to who knows what while placing his mask on and coat. When they find out Chan’s gone on a walk, slipping into his headspace, they’ll be upset, but right now he just can’t.
He doesn’t even know what they were arguing about; he was playing a game on Hyunjin’s tablet, a cute Pokémon cafe game he was recommended by STAY, and he actually liked it (big and small), in the kitchen with a small snack until it started and just became loud and uncomfortable.
Sure, he could’ve gone into his room or just gone to someone else to help, but that would still not be enough. It wasn’t that cold, but there was a slight chill in the air, which made Chan a bit cold even in his coat with the hood up and a mask, but he could power through it to put his head back on the right way.
He just walked; all he knew right now was to walk—away from the arguing, away from all of them, away from his problem because solving it didn’t seem right.
—
Felix didn’t know why they started arguing; he was just angry about his switch’s joycon suddenly not working after he spent hours of their break making custom ones for the switch sticker decal he had bought.
He didn’t mean to begin to yell around Chan when Jeongin, the culprit he found out stole it from his room before the schedules began that day from Seungmin, came into the main room.
He had just gotten Chan a snack, tiny Vegemite sandwiches, and small chunks of pineapple on a small plate Seungmin had bought for him that was made for toddlers to help him eat when he was regressing. Felix made sure they were snacks he could eat with his hands, as utensils weren’t his strong suit when regressed, and even got him a sippy cup with juice.
He was all content with Hyunjin’s tablet playing his Pokémon cafe game when Felix left to work on his broken joycon in the living room, watching eyes on Chan as he ate.
When the argument brewed up more and more with the problem at hand, Chan possibly slipping more and more than just a warning of his voice suddenly was forgotten from Felix’s thoughts as he began to raise his voice about his broken joycon thanks to Jeongin.
They didn’t even hear the door shut or Chan shuffling around as they argued, too loud and too angry to pay any mind or even think.
Jeongin sighs after a while of back and forth, rubbing his temple as Minho comes to soften the argument. “What is going on?” Minho asked, bunny clips in his hair and in his pajamas already.
“Jeongin borrowed my Nintendo Switch without asking me and possibly broke one of the joycons, which are custom-made!” Felix raised his voice a bit, which made Minho glare at him with a sigh before the younger looked like a frightened cat. “Sorry for yelling, hyung. I just spent a lot of time on them; I spent our entire break working on them, and now one of them is broken.”
“I didn’t mean to break it! I forgot it was in my bag!” Jeongin raised his voice, earning another glare from Minho, even angrier than the one towards Felix. “What? I didn’t mean to break it!”
“Stop yelling; I told you that. You know it makes Channie upset!” Felix pointed to the dining room before watching the way Jeongin looked confused.
“Channie-hyung isn’t there, hyung,” Jeongin mutters, and it makes Felix look at him confused. He was just there, sitting in the now empty seat with a snack and Hyunjin’s tablet, definitely slipping, and Felix knew because he was the one who gave the snack to him when he asked in a shy, soft-toned voice known when he was slipping and even a bit softer when regressed.
“What?” Felix turns and stares at where Chan should be and where he isn’t. “Channie? Where are you, Chris?”
Felix doesn’t want to immediately panic, but usually he knows when Chan is leaving to go to other rooms or seek another caregiver because he tells them everything he’s doing when he’s little now as a cute habit. Maybe he didn’t because Jeongin and Felix were stupidly arguing and yelling, even after knowing how much it makes Chan upset and anxious.
“Chris?” Felix shouts again, pushing past Jeongin and Minho in a look of panic to begin down the hallway, and when he comes out of every member’s room with no sign of Chan, he truly panics.
When he comes back to the main room with no Chan, he can’t stop the sickness that brews in his stomach when Minho—Chan’s primary caregiver, someone he seeks out so much during the times he needs just him—looks at him with so much shock and panic mixed in his face.
“Felix, where the fuck is Chan?” Minho sounds angry, and Felix feels it’s so deserved when he can’t form a reply to answer where Chan is. “Oh my god.”
“Minho-hyung, I’m—”
“No, no.” Minho takes out his phone immediately, and he takes the phone away from his ears, which seem to happen too many times when he doesn’t answer, and somehow his tracking is off too, which isn’t normal. It hits him that his kid is walking around Seoul by himself, probably regressing, and definitely upset. “God.”
“Minho-hyung, I’m—I’m so sorry.” Felix watches the way he doesn’t respond, just pockets his phone and is already getting a jacket, shoes, and a mask. “Hyung, I’m going with you.”
“No, you’ve done enough. I’ll find Chan myself,” Minho responds coldly, shutting the door with a lot of force. He places the mask on and begins to jog, even if he looks stupid in his bunny pajamas, but he doesn’t know which way Chan has gone.
—
Chan was cold, he doesn’t know how long he’s been walking, but he powered off his phone, and his fingers are too numb in his jacket pocket to even look.
He was little, alone, and cold somewhere in Seoul; maybe he should’ve thought more logically about this, maybe not just decided to leave because now he’s starting to regret it and he doesn’t know where he is.
Maybe he could call a taxi, but him being out in the streets of Seoul alone, whatever the time may be, is already enough to raise suspicions in news articles. He probably already looks enough to give bypassers concern to be stumbling while he walks down the streets, and it doesn’t help that he's so cold.
He sees a nearby park, and he crosses the street with blurred vision of tears pricking into his eyes as he jogs to pass, to sit on the playset for just a few minutes, to unslip and be big again.
Chan wouldn’t be able to make it seem like this never happened, but maybe he can hope that they will drop it and pretend it just didn’t happen. When he makes it to the top near the slide, he leans on the cold bars, and when he finally takes a true breath, all he can do is bunch up his body until he’s as small as possible and sob as quietly as he can in his body.
He’s so cold, his legs are numb, and his face is so numb. He doesn’t even know if he should call Minho to come get him because he knows he’s probably so angry and isn't even looking for him, but he tries to turn back on his phone—so cold as its open screen appears—and he waits for it to turn on.
When he looks, he sees so many missed calls from Felix and Minho, and some from Hyunjin too. He catches one of Minho’s calls again and answers with shaky and still-numbed hands.
“Min..?” Chan whispers into the phone, and he hears Minho’s sigh of relief.
“Hey, baby. Where are you? Min’s really worried about you.” He sounds out of breath, stepping into what sounds identical to a little store to probably warm up. Chan did that twice when he began to walk, but as he got further away from friendly-looking stores and more intimidating ones, he stopped.
“Park.” Chan replied flatly, trying to bunch more to warm himself up somehow.
“Is your location on, honey? Min can find you faster that way.” Minho seems to be doing something; maybe he’s just trying to get Chan calmed down and hopeful before he yells at him for what he did.
“Uh-huh, think so,” Chan grips the phone a bit tighter in a whimper when he sees an intimidating man begin walking the small trail near the playset, too anxious that he will see him up here and hurt him—his mother always told him not to talk to strangers when he was actually younger, especially intimating ones like the man.
“Okay, I see it. I’ll be there soon, okay? I’ll stay on just so I know you are safe,” Minho says, sounding like he’s talking to the cashier before exiting, and there’s a bit of silence before the sound of a car slamming, which makes Chan jolt a bit out of his skin.
It’s silent a bit, just the light sound of the car moving. “Min..? Are you mad?” Chan bites his lip to try and not sob in Minho’s ear at the thought of him being so mad that Chan ran off, especially so close to slipping.
“Mad..? No, I’m not mad. I’m worried about you; I just want you safe,” Minho explained. There’s a few beats of silence before suddenly Chan hears a car shut on and off the phone. He still doesn’t dare to hang up or have hope that it’s really Minho. “I’m here; can you tell me where you are in the park?”
“Playset, very top,” Chan mumbles. He is really cold and feeling really tiny right now. He hears Minho come to him before he feels his shoulder on his and warmth on his numbed fingers.
“Hi, baby,” Minho whispers, moving the warmth to the man’s cheeks. “Let’s go home, hm? You’re so cold, and it’s really late.”
“No,” Chan whispers, his voice so small as he scoots a bit away from Minho. “Goin’ home means—means Channie gets yelled at for leaving and—and told I was bad for—for not tellin’ Lixie.”
“Baby, no, no. I wouldn’t ever yell at you, especially not for this. I was just so worried; you slipped and were out all by yourself with no way to find you until you called me,” Minho explains, replacing the warmth on his cheeks and down to his neck to try and warm him up. “Let’s go home, okay? I promise you a warm bath with so many bubbles, lots of cuddles and kisses, and warm pajamas with your stuffie friends.”
“No—No one's gonna yell at me?” Chan questioned, and his voice being so small and cracking just makes Minho want to sob. “Lixi’ an’ Innie were yellin’, don’ wanna hear yellin’.”
“It’s all better now; no yelling; just come home, baby. Please?” Minho watches the small nod Chan makes; he helps the leader up and leads him down to where a company car is parked. “I called a manager a bit ago and said I needed a lift to a park. Nothing else; I have something in the car, come on.”
Chan gets in and Minho does too, the door shutting behind them automatically, and the little feels a warm blanket surrounding him and his kangaroo in his arm. He feels the decision to walk for hours in Seoul to catch up to him; he feels so tired.
“Sleep, we will be home soon,” Minho whispered, bringing his head into his lap and slowly playing with his hair as his body finally gave up.
When he woke up, Minho was unbuckling his seatbelt and gently lifting him up from his lap, which made the little frown with the tad of headspace he had. He was sleepy as Minho guided him to their dorms, the blanket and kangaroo held in his hands, but when they arrived from the jingle of his keys, he’s wide awake, hiding behind Minho.
“It’s okay, dear. Nothing is going to happen,” Minho assures, gently pushing open the door and leading him and now a warmer Chan inside. He must at least feel sore in his muscles tomorrow, but now he just wants Chan safe and where he knows he’s safe.
All the members are huddled up on the couch, and a board game settled out to Chan’s guess to pass the time of Minho going out to find the leader wherever he had gone. They all share a similar look at Chan, who’s peeking with one eye behind Minho, even if it’s not exactly possible.
“I’m going to get Chan in a warm bath with some pajamas, and then we can have dinner. Pick up the board pieces and make sure they are all in the box and put them back, and Jeongin and Felix are setting the table and doing dishes tonight,” Minho ordered, taking Chan’s hand into his and leading him to his own bedroom for pajamas and just a small talk. When he’s sitting on the bed, he doesn’t look anywhere but his dangling legs. Minho sighs and crouches down, placing the blanket and kangaroo on the bed. “Channie, why didn’t you tell Lixie you were regressed or try to find anyone to help?”
“I dunno,” Chan answered with a tad of truth before curling his hands on his sweats. “It wouldn’—It wouldn’ be enough, needed—needed out. It wasn’t a regression day either, so I thought that I’d be—I’d be turned down too.”
“Turned down..? We would never turn you down when you regress; just because it’s not a regression day doesn’t mean you can’t be little, Channie. You are allowed to be little whenever you want; we agreed to take care of you, and we meant it. Even on the days we didn’t plan as a group,” Minho explains, his hands meeting Chan’s shoulders. He’s still a tad cold, worried about a fever brewing overnight, but surely he hopes it won’t. Chan still doesn’t look at him as he moves a hand to cup his cheek and rub with his thumb, lifting his head to look at him—his eyes are pooling with tears, and he seems so broken at what Minho had said. “I mean it, okay? We will take care of you, no matter what. I’m so sorry you felt you couldn’t come to us; that’s our fault, not yours.”
“But—But I left and—and made you worried, that’s not—that’s not being good.” Chan’s voice is small and weak, and the tears in his eyes fall down his cheeks when he blinks.
“I know, but I’m not mad. I was just worried about you because I wanted you safe, especially when it’s so cold and really scary to be alone at night. Do you understand, Channie?” Minho gently rubs the tears on his cheek, slipping his other hand to his other cheek to do the same. Chan slowly nods in his hands, and the caregiver shoots him a small smile. “Good. Let’s go take a warm bath, then get into some warm pajamas and have some dinner. How does that sound?”
Chan nods again as he hops from his seat on his bed to go to the drawer he had that he made just for his pajamas, which he likes to wear when little, picking out his Bluey pajama pants and the matching tee.
“Alright, let’s go take a warm bath.” Minho smiles when Chan drops the pajamas in his lap and seems a lot more cheered up. He brings Chan to the bathroom and begins the bath with warm water and his small collection of bath toys. Jisung just had to get him when the little consented to bath time while regressing.
With bubbles, warm water, and a few bath toys waiting for Chan in the tub, Minho turns back to him and smiles softly. “Ready to get in, kiddo?”
Chan nods, raising his arms for Minho to help take his clothes off and direct him to the tub. “There we go,” Minho softly said when he had to do some extra tugs on some articles of clothing. Chan’s skin was still a bit cold but not too bad.
Chan is directed into the tub after Minho’s done, settles into the warm water, and begins to play with his toys as Minho begins washing his hair. Chan whines that he has to tilt his head back because he wants to play, but after awhile, he turns more sleepy because of how warm he feels, so he lets Minho do what he needs and directs him around like he’s putty.
After finishing his bath, Minho helps him out and wraps him in his shark towel, drying him off and helping him into a clean pair of boxers and his Bluey pajamas he picked as Minho puts some curl cream into his hair, helping his hair curl more than usual. He misses how curly his hair would be a lot, saddened that he can’t have his hair as curly as it is because all stylists want is to straighten it.
“You look so pretty, prince,” Minho gently rubs his cheek with a soft kiss to his still damp hair with a soft giggle from Chan. “Let’s go eat dinner now, hm?”
Chan nods again, letting Minho hold his hand and guide him to the main room, where everyone is. He guides him to the chair next to him, the table set and food already on the table as everyone else begins to take their seat. Thankfully, Felix had made Chan some finger foods, as their food probably wouldn’t be liked by little him anyways because it was a bit spicy.
“Thank you, Lixi’,” Chan mumbles as Felix places his plate with a sippy cup of juice, dipping his dino nugget into the ketchup. The plates were super beneficial; it was easy to divide Chan’s food with little walls to keep the food away from the other foods and just keep it from creating a mess.
“You’re welcome, Chris.” Felix smiles, digging into his own food. It’s silent for a while, besides the small talk from Hyunjin and Changbin and a few other conversations he can’t pick up.
When Chan finishes, Felix takes his almost empty plate and smiles at him as he blinks tiredly with a yawn and makes Minho laugh beside him. “Tired, huh? Let me place my plate in the sink, and we can head to bed, alright?”
“Ok’y, mama,” Chan whispers, almost leaning off the chair to Minho’s shoulder before he catches him, too scared he will miss him and get hurt. Hyunjin takes note of this and takes Minho’s plate and nods at him as a sign to get him to bed.
Changbin already knows what’s going to be asked; he lifts the little like he’s nothing to guide him to his bedroom with Minho behind him.
“Thank you, Changbin,” Minho smiles, tucking the little into his bed with his kangaroo as Chan sleepily blinks at Changbin.
“T’ank you, Binbin,” Chan mumbles as Changbin gently ruffles his hair, now dry and curly.
“Of course, kid. Have a good sleep,” Changbin says with a final smile before exiting the room with just him and Minho before Jeongin and Felix both enter the room.
“Is he asleep?” Felix asks, seemingly a bit anxious where he stands.
“Just about,” Minho asks, gently running a hand through his kid’s hair to help soothe him more to sleep, but he knows what is going to be asked. “You can apologize in the morning, he needs rest.”
“Okay, goodnight, Channie,” Felix spoke, almost disappointed he missed his chance to apologize, but he exits the room anyway, and Jeongin does the same.
When Chan falls asleep, Minho plugs in his small moon night light that shines on his wall to help him coax him back to sleep when he wakes up. Even when Minho stays with him tonight, just tonight to make sure he’s safe.
—
The next morning, Chan wakes up with a bit of leftover headspace, as he always does when he drops due to stress. Minho is asleep next to him, his arms wrapped around Chan in a way to protect him, and he’s just allowing it.
Not that he’s complaining; Minho is his primary caregiver; he’s always there when he needs it, and he’s the first person to find out, but the thought that he’s the reason Minho was probably angry deep down hurt.
“Hey, baby. When did you wake up?” Minho’s voice is deep and groggy, gently wiping stray hairs from Chan’s face with a soft smile.
“Not that long ago,” Chan replies softly, playing with his kangaroo’s ear and not looking at Minho. Now that he’s in an older headspace, he’s just drowning in guilt, regardless of what Minho assures.
“Let’s get some breakfast and hang out, hm?” Minho proposed, stretching quickly and holding his hand out for Chan to take and follow him to the kitchen. Jeongin and Felix are already up; the Australian is sitting at the table with his joycons, switch, and some tools, and Jeongin is just watching him attentively.
“Good morning, Chris and Minho-hyung,” Felix said, tightening a screw on his joycon and taking a bite of his toast with his other hand.
Chan just rubs his eye to take away the excess sleep, allowing Minho to direct him to a chair to sit in as he smiles softly and ruffles his hair.
“Is some nutella bread and some fruit okay, Channie?” Minho watches as Chan nods, looking cute in his curly, bed-head hair and sleepy pout as he continues to rub his eye. He eventually just leans forward and sets his chin on the table, watching as Felix continues to work on his switch.
Sure, his back probably will begin to hurt, but nothing beats the firing pain in his legs from his decision to walk all the way to a park at least an hour away from the dorms with basically no stops.
“Aw, baby, still tired?” Hyunjin coos as he comes into the main room to see Chan’s sleepy pout, walking to do the same thing Minho did with his hair, and it makes him whine; it was already messy from his sleep and Minho doing it; now Hyunjin just makes it even more messy. He takes a seat next to Chan anyway, gently scratching his back and even moving his chair so the little one can lay on his lap. “Aw, so sleepy.”
He’s more comfortable now, slowly dozing off in the dancer’s lap, waiting for Minho to finish making his breakfast. When he does finish, he’s being lifted up into a lap and slowly woken back up with rubs on his shoulders as Hyunjin trails back into his room with his own breakfast.
When he’s a bit more conscious, he opens his mouth for Minho to place a small square shaped nutella bread piece into his mouth and does so with the remainder of his breakfast before easing out of his headspace entirely after he’s done eating.
He blinks a tad, realizing his legs hurt way more than they did just a few minutes ago as he’s situated back in his own chair, seeing Felix still working on his joycons.
He looks up at Minho, who’s putting his plate away, before looking back at Felix, who is looking at him now.
“Chan,” It’s quiet besides Minho cleaning the kitchen, the soft clattering of utensils, and things being put away. “I want to say sorry for yesterday. I feel so bad that I forgot that you were slipping because of my anger about my stupid switch. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s—It’s fine—”
“Chan, don’t lie to me. It’s not fine when you're an hour away from the dorms because Jeongin and I are stupid. So, no, Chris, it’s not fine, and I’m so sorry we made you upset and made you feel like you couldn’t do anything but leave.” Felix’s eyes begin to pool in tears, and it makes Chan feel terrible; he can’t realize it’s noticeable until Felix frowns. “You feel guilty, Chan, and—and I wish you didn’t. This is our fault, not yours, and it’s all of us as your caregivers’ fault too for not letting you know it’s okay to slip when it’s not a regression day.”
“Felix—”
“Please, Channie. Please don’t say you’re sorry or that you don’t want to be annoying; taking care of you helps us with our stress too. It makes us feel better seeing you so much happier when you aren’t stressed about work and we get to just take care of you, regardless if it’s a regression day or not. I’m so sorry we made you feel like you couldn’t come to us and tell us when you were little just because it wasn’t a day we planned,” Felix watches the way Chan’s lip begins to tremble and his eyes become glossed in tears before he gets up to hug him where he still sits in his chair. “Let it all out, Channie. It’s okay, shh, I know.”
“I just—I don’t know why you aren’t mad at me, or Minho. Legit anyone after yesterday, you all should be mad,” Chan mutters into Felix’s shirt, feeling Felix’s hands rub up and down his back. “I—I did something stupid and so dangerous, and none of you are mad.”
“Because you aren’t the reason you did that, Channie. We are, and we will do anything to make it up to you,” Jeongin cuts in, joining Felix where he is to gently scratch at his hair. “No matter what it takes.”
“Ev’n if I make you guys wat’h Coraline?” Chan raises his head from Felix’s hug, his eyes shining in pure hope as he knows how much Coraline freaks Hyunjin and Changbin out.
“Even if you make us watch Coraline,” Minho joins in the conversation, gently thumbing his tears away from his cheek. “We won’t let Hyunnie or BinBin know until we are all comfortable, so they can’t back out.”
That makes Chan giggle wetly in his chair with such excitement in his voice and his best puppy dog eyes. “Today? Can we watch it today an’ hav’ a cuddl’ pile, please, mama?”
“Sure, let’s get the living room all set up while Jeongin and Felix clean up the table and go tell the others,” Minho smiles, guiding Chan to the living room to get the room all set up for eight people cuddling and watching movies all day. After Coraline, Minho knows Chan will want to watch another movie until he passes out.
When word goes around of a cuddle pile with little Chan, everyone is in cute pajamas to match the little’s cute Bluey ones he still had on. Even Minho changed into his bunny pajama pants when everyone was in the room with him.
And that’s how they spent their day—cuddles and movies—until their leader passed out cold on Minho’s shoulder, pacifier and all.