Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter one
A Prisoner's Tale….
Danny: Ahhh!!! My face!! Ouchy! I wish I had parachutes...where am I anyway….
*Danny notices the voluminous anthrophobic females at the local bikini day contest. His eyes fixated on their bountiful form!*
For It was an age-old tradition for the citizens of furryland to hold this event!!!

Danny: Wowza, Those sexy babies over there make my cocky go boing boing!!
*Meanwhile, Marshall was running errands for King Magnum. King Magnum needed his sexy sex toys for his sexual sex pleasure.*
*Marshall takes notice of the hairless one*..H-hey!
*Danny turns around in confusion* Me????
Marshall: Yes you, you crap for brains!
Danny: I refuse! >:(

*Marshall places candy in a trail leading to his wagon*
Danny: Oohhh, candy! Another piece of candy. THERE'S MORE CANDY? This is the day ever! I think i'm getting used to this place, love furryland..
Marshall: Eureka! I knew it would work..heh
Marshall: I’ve never seen such a creature such as yourself…King magnum ought to know about this! Heh, I might even become the hero of the town!

Danny: Hey, watch it! Are you having prejudices against me for my jewish-hewbrew heritage?
Marshall turns around in confusion. What the heck are you talking about, you brainless buttface!
Danny: Don’t call me names. That’s not very kind…
they arrive at king magnums palace

*Marshall takes a quick bow* Your majesty, Take a lookie at what I found!
King Magnum is too busy weeping over the kidnapping of his beloved daughter.
King Magnum: Ohhh boo-hoo. My sexy hot daughter has been taken captive!!!
*his sad demeanor quickly changes after observing the hairless one*
Oh my…you’ve brought my new plaything….
Danny: What the crud!

Marshall: DO not speak unless you’ve been spoken to, hairless…
King Magnum: I can't wait to diddle you danny…I can’t wait to feel your soft, supple, tender flesh as we make passionate love unto the bed…I’m going to throttle your throat.
Danny: Welp, This took a surprising turn of events! he tugs at his collar out of nervousness
Danny: Wait what if I could save your daughter!?

King Magnum: You, really? Oh please…You're just a tiny little twink. You're so dainty and innocent. No way you could stand a chance against the trolls!
*danny epically karate chops a random brick with his skinny, malnutrition arm*
King Magnum: Very well then Danny, you've proven yourself worthy to save my sexy daughter…I shall spare you, hairless one. Under one condition..You will return to me every full moon so we have the devils tango…I am the most sexually active during that period, and my natural musk is heighten, capiche?

*Danny Gulps* Yes King Magnum!
King Magnum: As for you, Marshall. You may bring Danny along with you on your journey to save my daughter.
Marshall: OH THIS IS TOTAL BALONEY, NO WAY, HE’S JUST GONNA SLOW ME DOWN!!
King Magnum: Be nice, you don't want to find out what happened to those who disrespect me…
Marshall: Okay- *King Magnum rudely and abruptly interrupts him*

King Magnum: THEY GO IN THE SEX CHAMBER!!!!!!! Now carry on…You must hurry up!! There’s no time to waste…This is my precious daughter on the line after all!

*As the pair waddled away King Magnum couldn’t help but stare down Danny's curves*
Mmmm I can’t wait to get me a piece of that succulent cake…He’s such a tease. *He muttered in a seductive tone of voice.*

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Danny: Wowie, almost like in this one video game where the fat plumber guy does to help princess!
*Marshall was agitated by his stupid comment. He clutches his fists restraining himself from giving Danny the most gut-wrenching, ruthless punch.*
Well, kiddo, this isn’t fiction, this is real life! This isn’t just some stupid game…If we mess up on our quest. King Magnum will have our heads…
Danny: You need to chillax and relax. Take a chill pill even!!
Marshall: The only thing that’ll calm me down, is having myself a drink…Well speak of the devil, there's a bar right here!

Danny: There will be no speaking of the devil! God loves us…
Danny stops right in his tracks and struggles to read and sound out the name of the bar
F-Freddy and F-Friends S-Sexy Strip club? Huh, what a peculiar name.
Pipe down danny! *Danny glances back at Marshall and gives him a smug look.* first time you've called by name! it means you're growing on me heh? Marshall: SHUT UP HAIRLESS ONE.

*Danny confidently waltzes into the room with all the attention shining on him. His boldness captivated all the hot babes under his charming spell.* Random slutty furry whore: Oh my gosh have you always been this handsome!? You're so cute I could eat you up! Danny: No thanks I’m not into vore, ma’am. *All the ladies were dripping wet at the sheer presence of Danny.*
On the other hand Marshall was sulking at the other end of the bar, chugging down his intoxicating beverage.*

Random slutty furry whore number two: Look at Marshall, he seems so cold. Random slutty furry whore number three: He’s always been like this, at least after the incident…. Danny: wut. Random slutty furry whore number two: ever since “he” attempted taking over furryland he’s been down in the dumps. He lost everything. It pains me to see him like this…this is all “his” fault. Danny: Uhh, I think I'm going to look down at your misshapen breasts in sadness for approximately 15.5 seconds…

*An evil entity emerges from the shadows.* Troll: heh…perfecto, That gives just enough time to date rape drug him! Danny: Oh boy, I can’t wait to guzzle down my alcoholic beverage!
*Just in time Marshall saves Danny by throwing some stupid chinky star*
Danny: Ok, I know you have mysterious, sad, backstory but this is unhinged! Marshall: You itdot, i tried saving you from evil troll…the drug he slipped in your drink was….w-was…w-w-was….A GAY POTION… Danny: wut the crap did this fucker attpemt doing to me…but i’ll never be gay…I’m straight warrior. I eat pussy for breakfast lunch and dinner..

Y-yeah ... .*Marshall makes a dash to the bathroom* I knew it was best for him…to destroy the gay potion…If I love him so much I have to let him go, even if it hurts like a motherfuckinger…I did the right thing… *His crying sesh is interrupted by a gentle knocking sound.* Marshall?
*Marshall wipes his eyes with the toilet paper infected with a heroin addict's blood.

(in mind: fuck- no no no no…I can’t let him see me like this, Put your gamer badass face on Marshall…be strong…for him)

H-hey Danny- *Before he can even finish his simple greeting he vomits onto the floor beneath him* Danny: Marshall, guess your cockTAILS (pun intended) really came back to bite your nutsack huh…pull it together we have princess to saving quest!
Danny eagerly grabs Marshall by the dick, dragging him back to the lobby. Marshall glances over to the troll’s lifeless body, he realizes the note attached….OH MY GOSH FURRY MEXICO?

Danny: Isn’t that a bit judgmental of you, I quite enjoy the Mexico people and their extravagant delicious! Once my mommy said she’d make me tacos but she died. But what’s wrong with furry Mexican????? Marshall: Heh, I’m not telling you a thing, Hebrew rat. Danny: Don’t make me use my special forces…. Or else daddy is gonna have to pulls out the big guns!” *He lifts his arm sleeve to reveal his scrawny forearms. *The couple's loud bickering was interrupted by a loud thud*

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*A collected gasp was emitted from the crowd. Danny it’s over…we’re done for.. *the furry sluts scatter, forsaking Danny and Marshall, letting them face his wrath…*

For it is I, Prince Britishimo RULER of british furry mexico. For I have arrived to destroy and corrupt the land with my goons and trollers… Danny: Ahhh, Please, Wear just a people!!! Don’t hurt us!!!!
Marshall: HA- You pussy, You think begging for your life is gonna do you any good!?
It’s eat or be eaten, danny…. SO GIVE IT ALL YA GOT HIIIYAAA!! *Marshall’s attempt at decapitating Prince Britishimo was futile…*

Prince Britishimo: Ha! You're so puny and feeble….wait a second! Who’s that twat accompanying you? I’ve gotten the word about this fella…Is this the bloke who all the ladies are swooning over? Pathetic…Or should I say all the LADS are swooning over. Isn’t that right, MARSHALL? Hmmm. Marshall: Don’t dare you say it….

Prince Bririshimo: Perhaps this will jog your memory! *He reveals a rather inmate photo of him kissing his Danny smoke body pillow* Marshall: YOU CRAPPY SHIT FUCKINGER….FAGGOT…BLEEP…BLEEP..BLEEP N!@@?&..*Marshall looks back at Danny being relieved that he’s not paying attention and he’s playing with the flowers cus he’s retarded.*
???: Ladies, ladies, cut it out…*An ominous figure emerges from the background*
*Danny suddenly whips his head back around* “Who the crap is this fucker??? And they are they fucking with us.”

Prince Britishimo: Aha, so you’ve finally turned up, kale! Kale: Indeed, my beloved Prince Britishmo!!!!! Marshall: Great, now we have two loser trolls who are loserly trolling us! We gotta put our badass game face on now, Danny!

*Kale being the epic self-insert oc fag she is, dashes over to the prince’s defense*
Prince Britishimo: Kek…You're quite the loyal little soldier aren't you!

Britishimo: Wait a minute, bloke…I have a challenge for you, hairless…
Danny: ooo pretty butterfly
Britishimo: SNAP OUT OF IT…!! I challenge you to a game of chess…*insert evil british cackle*
Danny: ims chest masater!!!!!!11! Best chest play evrs!!
Britishimo: Very well, then. prepared to be destroyed, mwahahaha!

*Danny flips over the board because he has no fucking clue on how to play this stupid, shitty, game*

Britishimo Gah-! you bloody, pompous-egghead, onwards my minions!
*britsihimo’s trolls charge after danny, capturing him with a comically large net*
Danny: Uh oh!...
Britishimo: Kale, take him to the milking room….
Kale: On it, boss
Danny: Oh, how very dare you!!! Your not gonna like it very much when the shoes on the other foot! *he shakes his fist in the air*
Britishimo: Ha, As if I’d ever let that happen, Behold, I am the mighty Britishimo!
Marshall: noooo!!

*meanwhile at King Magnum’s castle*

King Magnum: Oh dear, looking at these lovely, blooming flowers sure do make my heart swell.. In fact, it’s so lovely I think I'll strip! Trolls: Ready… Aim… FIRE!!!.. King magnum: YEAH SEXY BITCHES ITS NAKED TIME!!!!!!

*KAAABOOOMM!!!! THE GIGANTIC CANNONBALL CRASHES INTO KING MAGNUMS PALACE INSTANTLY KILLING HIM*

Marshall: No.. I lost… danny….How can one man be handsome, funny, athletic, AND smart all at the same time in the first place?!?! It’s a wonder…. SNAP OUT OF IT MARSHALL GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.. YOU’VE GOTTA SAVE HIM.. *marshall dashes after kale* Hold it right there missy..

*Kale whips around* Teehee.. Just what do you think.. YOU’RE DOING.. *She uses her epic evil vampire powers to push him away.* Marshall: ugh.. You won’t get away with this…! *He punches her in the nose, rendering her feeble.* she collapses onto the hard, earthy ground beneath her* TAKE THAT BIIIIITTTCHHHHH!!!!!! *marshall quickly scopes danny and sprints back the bar* SOMEONE, ANYONE TAKE CARE OF DANNY WHILE I BATTLE BRITISHIMO!! Slutty furry whore: oooo.. it'd be an HONNOR.. *she caress his arm*.. tehehe so strong... Marshall: alright britishimo.. its time to settle this.. ONCE AND FOR ALL... HIIYAAAA!!! *he successfully slaps him in his stupid wart-ridden face* Britshimo: OY..you bloody bastard.. *sniff sniff* YOULL PAY FOR THIS... YOU'LL ALL PAY FOR THIS.. waahh wahhh.. Marshall: heh.. that's one problem off my back..

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Marshall: LOOK AT ALL THE CHAOS YOU'VE CAUSED.. KING MAGNUMS DEAD.. MY FAVORITE BAR IN TOWN IS DESTROYED.. do you realize my house.. is GONE?? THAT'S WHERE MY STEAM DECK IS!!!! *he can hardly control himself his rage and sheer anger is taking over him* you... ruined.. EVERYTHI- Furry slut whore 2: look it's the hero who saved us, if you weren't here we would've been toasted! Danny: me... a hero.. I likey the sound of that.. *furry slut whore 1 begins to make out with him SLOPPY STYLE IN FRONT OF MARSHALL* Marshall: grrrr... Danny: oh don't be such a HAIRBALL!!!! *the crowd scopes him up and cheers for him* *centerfold starts playing*

Danny: I'm.. such.. a BADASS!! *24 hours later..* Marshall: WELL IM GLAAAAADDD YOU'RE THE HERO! but, I have a princess to save.. *he crosses his BUFF, BEEFY, ARMS* Danny: haha... By yourself..?? Don't be RIDICULOUS! Marshall: Yep, you heard that right! bye bye.. Danny: NO! I made a promise... I WILL SAVE KING MAGNUM'S DAUGHTER! even if it's the last thing I do.. I have HONOR AND I TELL THE TRUTH! unlike some people... (theheheh OJ. Simpson..) Marshall: let me get this straight.. you FUCKING, FUCKED UP THIS WHOLE KINGDOM.. and you think i'll let you save the princess..?? YOU RETARD!!! GRR.. Danny: Hey, I'm just gonna let you know, when you use that tone of voice it makes you sound ungrateful. Just saying. Marshall: THAT'S IT.. you've gotten on my last nerve COSTUME CHAAANAGEEE!! *he flashes his sexy, six pack while changing into his "I'M FUCKING ₕₐₜₑ DANNY SMOKE" shirt* Danny: b-but.. but.. THAT SHIRT.. it makes it seem like.. you really ARE UNGRATEFUL!!!! that's so sinful..

*shadow the hedgehog emerges from the background* stop fighting.. what i'm about to say will change EVERYTHING..  Danny: is that.. sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shadow the hedgehog???  Shadow: and that thing is.. I BROUGHT ARBY'S *a grin appears on his smug face* hehe.. I bet you weren't expecting THAT HUH?? *epic dance party starts* ouuuuggghhh I never knew you could daaaanceee likeeee THIISSSS you make a blaaackkk man waaanaaaa speeeeaaakkk spaaaanishhhhhh!! bonita SI! shikra shikra..


ENOUGH WITH THIS FILLER.. I've gotta make my way to furry mexico! Shadow: furry... Mexico?? that's where I'm heading in my MOTHERFUCKING LAMBO!!! HOP IN DANNY!!! WOOHOOO!!! NO TAKE MEEE!!! IM THE NUMBER ONE GUARD OF FURRYLAND!!!! Danny: what kingdom? the only kingdom you're apart of is the kingdom of rudeness..face it buckaroo.. I'm the NEW HERO OF THIS TOWN.. SHUT UP HAIRLESS MORON!!! TAKE ME INSTEAD SHADOW!! Shadow: I love guns.. and VIOLENCE.. about y'know what I can't stand.. RUDENESS!! c'mere marshall.. *he vigorously slaps marshall's FAT TUSHIE* Danny: I..i.. I can't bear to watch this.. but, we have a mission to complete lets leave this RUDE NAME CALLING WOLF BEHIND IN THE DUST! name calling.. that's a typical troll trick.. Marshall: JUST GO THEN.. stupid hairless.. Danny: You're my new partner shadow, I cant wait to have FUN with you! Shadow: partner.. like... gay?? Danny: NO.. not like gay..we are straight BFFS!! Marshall: WAIT!!! *sad, dramatic, radio head music plays* I don't need you anyway.. THANKS FOR NOT DRAGGING ME DOWN *Marshall hops onto his hoverboard and floats away into the sunset* BUTTT immmm a creeeeeppp I'm a weeeirdoooo.... Shadow: I spiked the Araby's with alcohol.. *he CRASHES THE CAR INTO A HUGE ROCK*