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When you honor the dead, you visit their grave and pray for peace to be upon their soul.
When you honor the injured, you visit their hospital room and present them with cheap flowers.
Such were the courtesies that came with being a socially responsible member of society.
For horse girls, being injured might as well have been an invitation to an early grave, a first death before death, so to speak.
There are those who make the mistake of thinking, “my purpose in life is to run”.
Those girls are the most foolish of all.
It was carefree nonsense. The ones who were afforded the privilege of espousing it whether either natural born losers with no ambition or thoughtless prodigies.
Stay Gold loathed both types immensely.
Yet here she was, entering a flower shop, naturally with the intent of buying flowers.
All to honor a stupid, foolish and speed obsessed idiot.
The way people were acting, and the shocking nature of the incident, it would be more than apt to say that others were mourning.
Keyword: others.
Not her.
Pushing the store door ajar with her palm, she hoped to be inconspicuous, only for a bell to ring out to announce her arrival.
Most of the patrons took no note of it, but the workers looked right at her from the counter, curious.
It didn’t take long before their barely concealed, hissed gossiping reached her ears. The right involuntarily shifted towards the source of the sound.
It was fine, most people who had ears on the sides of their heads surprisingly never noticed this kind of thing.
“That’s Stay Gold, right? Lately online they’re calling her Stay Silver, though.”
“Shhh! What if she hears?!”
Yes, what if she hears.
It was hard to focus on the greeting cards she was browsing as they continued, almost ignoring the fact that she was standing relatively close by.
“No, but listen, senpai. That move she did where she ran up ahead while Silence Suzuka was limping is not something that people should roll over and accept. It’ll be the end of racing if we do.”
Is running past someone in a race illegal now?
Besides, she wasn’t the first to go for it. Why was she the one catching the brunt of the hate from toxic racing fans?
“It didn’t feel right, but I don’t know what I would have done in that situation…”
At this point, she was stubbornly enduring it, planting her feet firmly into the ground for a moment to steady her nerves. Her left fist (which was not visible to most of the people in the shop on account of facing the storefront) was balled into a tight fist, her thumbnail digging deeply into her index finger. An old time bad habit.
Don’t react, don’t react, don’t react.
Her legs were heavy, and it felt like she used a massive amount of energy each step she took towards the flower arrangements in the displays.
Despite her coming closer, they kept blabbering on anyway, as if they actually did want her to hear.
Almost as if they were trying to provoke her into causing a scene.
There were racing fans like this too, huh.
“She must have been desperate to win. It’s a shame. I guess these salivating types also exist. She did give a passable performance at Takarazuka Kinen though… I guess.”
“She was at Takarazuka Kinen? I didn’t notice her,” the other started, the one that sounded older. “Oh, I looked it up. How do you come in second place and leave no impression? Personally, my eyes were on Air Groove the entire time. Don’t you have to be popular to get into Takarazuka Kinen? I don’t see the appeal here. Her post-race interview wasn’t even interesting.”
“She must be one of those gloomy anti-social types. Her fans gotta be those weird stalker fanatics who spam voted her name into the poll. Makes me even more glad she came in second the other day. Don’t make a mockery of Tenno Sho, cheater!”
“Man, you really shouldn’t say that stuff out loud. We had a lot of horse girls here today. Calm down. What if it isn’t even her?”
Being disparaging online anonymously is one thing, but if there were people bold enough to say it out loud in the presence of the person in question, then that was their own failing, not her’s.
That was the logic, anyway.
It was easy to refer to logic but not necessarily easy to accept it.
The reality was that it hurt .
Stay Gold wanted to turn around and glare at them, to drop a snide comment, to defend herself… anything.
She knew full well what would happen if she did, so she pursed her lips tightly in an effort to still her tongue and shuffled her sluggish legs to the smaller, cheaper looking bouquets.
They were all ugly to begin with. The attitudes of the staff didn’t help her bias, either.
“Um, excuse me, mister. How much does this one cost?”
She spoke up while turning her torso towards them, pointing at a small arrangement in the shape of a diamond.
The two men couldn’t have been past their 30s, now that she got a good look at their faces. The younger looking of the two openly grimaced at her, immediately turning away to fiddle with the cash register.
It was obvious he wasn’t actually doing anything, which made it even more flagrant of an attempt to appear busy.
“That one? Hm… it’s 9,000 yen.”
There’s no way in hell this shitty arrangement with barely any actual flowers costs that much!!
No, you can’t say that, calm down.
“Ah… I see… I’m sorry, I can’t afford it. It’s very pretty, though.”
“Thanks. We arrange all of the flowers here ourselves.”
Stay Gold gave a polite bow, almost apologetic in a way.
“Thanks for the help. I hope you have a nice day.”
As she turned heel to walk away, her step instantly became lighter. The faster she got out of this dump the better.
The loud whispering resumed almost instantly.
“See, I told you that was her, that was Stay Silver.”
“Shhhh!”
“She’s so creepy, what was that “have a nice day” crap? Of course she lost Tenno Sho even with that massive handicap, with the weird way she runs sideways—”
Even though she was right by the exit.
Even though it was almost over.
The horse girl stops dead in her tracks. Her arm still floated right in front of the glass door, ready to push it open.
She stood still, trying her best to contain her turbulent feelings. She bitterly bit down on her bottom lip, tears now forming in her eyes and threatening to spill down her face for everyone on the outside to see.
The entire shop fell eerily silent, as if waiting for her to blow up.
Her imagination ran wild.
Did they have their phones out?
Were they going to record her and slander her online?
Is this funny to them?
Why?
What did she even do to these people?
All she wanted to do was to race, and yet…
Well, too bad for them. No such scene transpired.
Her arm awkwardly juts forward in a robotic motion, peeling the door open just enough for her to finally leave.
Breaking into a sprint, she blindly ran in the opposite direction.
She needed to calm down. She needed to calm down!
Damn it, who cares about getting flowers?!
They’re just going to wilt anyway!
And everyone probably already got her flowers!
She didn’t even want to visit her, why was she visiting her?
Actually losing to Silence Suzuka once wasn’t enough.
Now she was losing in the court of public opinion to someone who couldn’t even complete the subsequent race in question, too.
Literally no one else was getting this much disdain. Only her.
The tears flew off her face as she realized she was full on running without paying heed to where she was going.
But she didn’t stop. She couldn’t.
Because Stay Gold, too, loved to run.
Even if she caused problems whenever she did run, she still loved it.
No one possessed any high expectations of her.
Consulting the faulty concept of “logic”, one would think if she performed beyond expectations, people would rally around her as an underdog and cheer her on.
Instead she was seen as “difficult”.
The rumors of her behavioral problems preceded her.
After the second trainer she fell out with, it became increasingly difficult to find another.
Meeting with them was easy. Training was a pain, but it would work out somewhat. She could push down her pride enough and obey, even if it was to stop the incessant nagging she received. On the day of a race… it’d become obvious that their approach was thoroughly unsuited for her.
Why obey instructions that were wrong?
Naturally most of them didn’t even pass her over to her face. They quickly come to realize that to them, she was too much trouble for what it was worth, so they’d much rather train another easier to deal with horse girl… without even so much as thinking about how she felt.
Only her first trainer told her to her face that it wasn’t going to work out between them.
She would be called over to the Students’ Affairs office and informed of it by a third party, instead.
Even those who tried to empathize with her ended up dumping her just as quickly as they met.
Soon, it became a challenge among rookie trainers to try to scope her out. It was obvious what their intentions were and she shut them down quickly, but new challenges who didn’t know this still heckled her from time to time.
What use was a trainer anyway?
Silence Suzuka had a trainer, and her body still broke.
Stay Gold chose to run as she pleased, knowing her physical limits, without anyone deciding what that was in her stead.
So there was no need anymore.
Tracen is a place where horse girls could advocate for themselves, anyway. No matter how difficult it was.
If her current trainer quit on her, then that was a sign that it’s finally the time to give up on that meaningless drivel and go the independent route.
No one understood her capabilities better than herself.
That’s what she kept telling herself every time, but she kept looking for a trainer whenever it happened anyway.
It was pure luck she regained her senses before she had run too far.
She still wanted to visit her contemporary, but showing up empty handed was a no-go.
At the same time, she wanted to avoid the judgment of others…
People are going to be judgemental anyway.
She espoused the same common sense she’d doled out to herself countless times before, but it was hard to accept right after what had been an unusually vicious attack on her character.
Stay Gold still felt opposed to getting flowers after what happened. Besides, it’s unlikely she could find a nice flower arrangement within her paltry budget.
In the end she was able to buy a luxe box of chocolates from a specialty chocolatier. It was one she’d seen on social media before. Most girls wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation of sampling some, but Stay Gold didn’t like sweets that much and had no interest. In fact, she didn’t hunger much most of the time. She was only of ever so slightly below average height, almost average even, but her bony limbs made her appear smaller than she actually was. It wasn’t like she took part in under-eating, but she had a bad habit of losing her appetite almost entirely before races. A bowl of ochazuke was enough to keep her well fed after running a race, no need for any cake or candy. That kind of thing upset her stomach.
Still, she could appreciate how beautiful the packaging was, so she felt comfortable spending what remained of her monthly allowance on it. While she had no idea what Suzuka liked aside from running like a fool, there wasn’t any chance she’d outright hate it.
It was an hour later than she had initially planned, but she still made it to the hospital well within visiting hours.
Still, she felt nauseous walking in and confirming where Suzuka’s room was. It felt like poisonous miasma had taken root within her and was bubbling away in her chest cavity.
She held the box she hastily purchased close to her chest, resting her back against the wall once she was alone out in the empty hallway.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale… inhale… inhale… inhale… inhale… inhale… inhale…
She might as well have been trying to breathe underwater.
Was it a bad idea, coming here to see her?
Was she even welcome?
The door was now only inches away from the horse girl, but she lacked the wherewithal to take hold of it and slide it open.
It was as simple as handing over the chocolates and exchanging a few words, so why was she struggling to keep her composure?
Suddenly, her left index finger felt unusually cool, as if it was…wet?
Wet?
Stay Gold already knew what was going on before confirming it, but she raised her hand to her face anyway, eyes widening in shock in spite of the inevitability.
She’d dug her nail into her finger so much and so deeply that it broke the skin, without even noticing that she had her fist clenched so tightly in the first place.
“Tch…”
The fact that it happened wasn’t a surprise. It was more annoying than anything, on account of the timing. All she could do now was to place it in her mouth for the time being and walk to the bathroom, box in hand.
It was another bad habit, one derived from a bad habit in return.
It was fine as long as she disinfected it.
People in the hospital hallways stared in disbelief as she casually searched for a bathroom— finger still held in her mouth. With how small she appeared to the undiscerning eyes of strangers, she might have looked like a child, rather than a high schooler.
It was pure luck, she found a bathroom at the end of the hallway, not far from Suzuka’s room.
Pushing open the door with her elbow, Stay Gold headed straight for the sinks. First, she made sure to place the box away from the sink she was using so it didn’t get wet. Second, she finally took her finger out of her mouth, placing it squarely under the running water she’d turned on.
She switches it off for a moment, now placing her injured finger under the soap dispenser on the wall, letting it dispense right on top of the cut. Her ears twitch at the momentary pain.
She stared at the excess soap oozing off her finger and onto the countertop, as if to mentally ready herself.
Ready herself for what?
The act of cleaning a small cut wasn’t particularly taxing, she’d done it a million times.
Was this stalling?
It could be.
She continued disinfecting the cut without incident. It didn’t bleed that much so no bandage was needed, but she kept the tissue she used to dry her hands to press on it for a few minutes just in case.
Yes, it was all stalling.
At least her nerves were more or less settled. There were no more excuses she could make to herself. Taking one last look at her face in the mirror, she rearranged her bangs and left the bathroom at a brisk pace.
Room 202 was still down the hall, obviously. It wouldn’t have suddenly grown legs and walked off, but the mental image was amusing enough.
In no time, Stay Gold was face to face with the door that seperated her and Silence Suzuka.
As she slid it open, the realization that it might as well have been paper thin hit her hard, almost disorienting her for a moment.
The sight of Silence Suzuka sitting up in bed completely helpless was even more disorienting.
Her head was turned towards the door, naturally. She must have already seen tens of horse girls already before now. Her cast, which enveloped her lame leg, was exposed. Well literally it was, but from how much scribbling had been impacted on it it barely registered as a cast at first blush.
“Uh… h-... hello…”
Good job, Stay Silver.
Suzuka perked up, but didn’t say anything, only smiling awkwardly.
Please, say something.
Stay Gold lingered by the door for a moment, her eyes flickering to the ground, before she catches a glimpse of the gift she had in her hand.
This was enough to propel her forward, even if only a little.
“I, um… got you some chocolates… Suzuka-san, you can eat chocolate, right…? I thought, maybe… you already would get too many flowers, and… I don’t know, maybe some sweets would cheer you up…”
She didn’t need a mirror to know that her smile was creepy and off putting.
This was already shaping to be a disaster. What was wrong with her?! No, people are wrong, she’s not gloomy or antisocial!
Hanging her head, she timidly places her prized box of chocolates in a barely free space next to all the bouquets and flower arrangements that Suzuka had indeed received.
“There’s so many of them.”
Stay Gold avoids Suzuka’s gaze in favor of eyeing all the gifts the other horse girl had received, feeling a strange sense of guilt for getting her such a small gift in comparison. There was so much that whatever could be stacked over each other was left that way. She notices a marker on the table and mentally makes a note of it.
“Yes… I can hardly believe it myself. People are too kind… you, too…”
“Hey, Suzuka-san… can I sign your cast?”
“Y-yes, of course.”
Taking the marker and uncapping it, the message she wanted to write came to her without much trouble. There wasn’t much space, but it wasn’t that long of a message, either.
She could feel her heart beat so hard she felt it in her throat. She carefully composed her message. It was surprisingly hard to write on the curved, bumpy surface, but it was as neat as she could manage in her nerve afflicted state.
More or less satisfied, she covers the marker and returns it to where it was initially and finally takes a seat by Suzuka’s bedside. It was an intrusive and gutsy place to sit, there were other much more inconspicuous chairs to choose from, but perhaps it could be said that it was in Stay Gold’s nature to ignore social norms.
“Um… what did you write on the cast? I’m sorry… I can’t see it.”
Stay Gold smiled a little too widely, feeling an instant sense of frustration at how her facial muscles don’t work properly. There’s no way she can say it out loud. Are you insane?
“...it’s embarrassing. Sorry. I’ll tell you before I leave. Just remind me…”
“Okay…”
Silence.
Stay Gold looks down on her lap, at her hands, which were folded on top of each other uncharacteristically politely. Her face felt hot. She could only hope she hadn’t turned red yet.
Whether she was strangely bashful or not, she had much more important business than being socially inept and making herself look like an idiot.
Taking a deep breath, Stay Gold began speaking with a renewed seriousness, all the previous gormlessness melting away, even if temporarily so.
“...I’ll cut to the chase.”
“Mm…?”
“Suzuka-san. Can you still run?”
It became so quiet you could hear a pin drop in a matter of seconds.
Neither of them looked at each other.
Maybe both realized deep down it was a landmine of a subject right then.
“There’s… no definite answer. But there’s a chance. The doctors said that the fact that someone caught me…–”
“So, you’ll go back to running?”
“If it’s possible… yes. All I want to do is to run.”
Finally looking up, Stay Gold noticed Suzuka staring at her with a strained expression.
She realized almost immediately what it meant.
“Oh. You don’t remember who I am.”
“No, I…”
“At the very least, I’m not even a blip on your radar, so you can’t remember my name.”
No response.
“I’m right, aren’t I.”
There was no point in coming here. No point in trying to buy flowers, no point in buying chocolates either.
Still, she tried to keep her temper in check, sighing in an attempt to break the tension she created on her own, laughing a strained laugh that didn’t sound like her own.
“We’re classmates, you know. I literally sit a desk across from you. Stay Gold, remember? I was there when you fell. I was there at Takarazuka Kinen, too. Please don’t forget.”
“Yes… um, I’m really sorry... I didn’t forget your face. But so many people visited, so I’ve been a little disoriented…”
“Is that so. You’re tired, I understand. It’s natural you’d get jumbled up.”
How humiliating. All she could do was breathe shallowly in an effort to keep her cool, but her voice, which was now low and carried a twinge of bitterness in tone, betrayed her feelings.
Suzuka clearly caught on to it, her ears submissively going limp.
“I’m sorry…”
No, she seriously pisses her off. Why did she even come here?
“You know, Suzuka-san. I wasn’t just in Takarazuka Kinen. I was right behind you. I came in second place. But you only had eyes for Air Groove, I understand. You didn’t even shake hands with me, you went to talk to her instead. I was right there. I’m the one who came in second place, not her, so what was up with that! It’s disgusting, I tried my best too! And you didn’t even acknowledge that I existed! Why?!”
The more the words spilled out, the angrier she got. She was trapped in her own body more than ever, knowing it was like a trainwreck playing out in slow motion, unable to reel it back now.
“Stay-san, I…”
There was no stopping it anymore.
Stay Gold stood up from her chair, palms firmly planted on the bed as she leaned over towards Suzuka, almost a little too abruptly.
“Hey, tell me! Why?! I really, really tried my best! But instead, people started talking crap about me online about how I got in the way of you and Air Groove’s rivalry! No one congratulated me. No one told me I did a good job. It was all about you and her . What was I supposed to do, just let you two win and be satisfied with third?! Even in Tenno Sho, they accused me of all sorts of things, because they noticed I happened to be there! I wasn’t the first, or even the second to run past you when you slowed down! I don’t know what your fans even want from me. Should I officiate your wedding with her , would people forgive me then?! ….shit. Damn it…”
Stay Gold shook her head aggressively, as if trying to get ahold of herself. She didn’t even notice the tears streaming down her face until she stopped talking and sunk back into her seat. All she could do was clumsily wipe her face in an erratic motion, unable to calm down.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know people were… that’s horrible… and I’m sorry I ignored you, I… I didn’t mean it…”
A sharp inhale came from Stay Gold’s nose, almost like a whistle.
“Of course you didn’t know. You’re loved by everyone, so you don’t know anything. The way I researched you, maybe I loved you, too. I might understand the way you run better than your own legs do. But I think I hate you, actually. I don’t know why I didn’t realize my true feelings before. I admired your running, not you. I don’t know why I even came here…”
Suzuka remained silent as she listened to Stay Gold sniffle and hiccup. There wasn’t anything she could say anymore.
“I still wanted to race you. I still want to beat you…! Hey, don’t just go overseas when you get better! Race me!! Race me until I win!! I still want to run with you!! Why are you running away to America?! You’re scared you’ll lose, aren’t you?! I still wanted to race you… Suzuka-san… say something… don’t ignore me like you always do… I existed in your life, too… I raced you, too… tell me you’re going to stay in Japan and keep racing me, please…”
Suzuka’s involuntary, drawn out sigh went unheard over the sound of her classmate’s sobs, even if they were now muffled by her own hospital issued sheets as she buried her face into them. She’d already watched many horse girls get deeply emotional at the state she’d been in, but it hadn’t been to this extent. It somehow didn’t scare her, or disturb her… all she felt was an unspeakable sadness that she could have been responsible for someone being so affected by her own mistakes. In the days she was hospitalized, she had a long time to reflect on how single minded she had been. Before now, she thought she’d arrived at a satisfactory conclusion and could begin working towards being more mindful of her surroundings, of her body.
The horse girl bawling her eyes out at her bedside was proof to her that there were still some ways what she had interpreted as selfishness had impacted others.
Silence Suzuka could only see the top of Stay Gold’s head now. It didn’t appear like she was going to stop, so the bedridden horse girl had no choice but to attempt to speak over it with her soft, gentle voice.
“I’m sorry. It’s not the answer you want to hear, but… going overseas, going to America… is my dream. I have to go. No matter what.”
Even though she was naturally soft spoken, her voice miraculously reached her crying classmate. Her sobs became more sporadic and turned into quiet whimpers, now sounding more like a puppy compared to the tortured moaning from earlier. She finally lifted her body from the bed, still hiccuping and gasping intermittently, wiping her ever tearful eyes with her long sleeves over and over. Her face was red, though no one could say if it was because of how hard she cried, or if it was plain old embarrassment.
“Stay-san… I never once meant to ignore you. If it appeared that way, I truly wasn’t. I can’t apologize to you enough, so please…”
Stay Gold took a deep breath, as if trying to suck in any composure she’d lost to the atmosphere. It was a very labored and shaky inhale, one that inspired no confidence.
“Save it. I don’t have anything else to say to you. Coming here was a mistake. The more you try to apologize, the worse my image of you becomes, so stop. I knew you were the unreliable type from the way you were obsessed with running, but not to this extent. I can’t take it, don’t talk anymore.”
Her words were as sharp as a drawn blade ready to attack, but her voice was hoarse and unstable, maybe even meek. It betrayed a different sort of meaning from the cold front she was attempting to build back up between them.
Suzuka obediently remained without retort. How could she? All she could think anymore was that she had hurt someone in such close proximity to her in ways she couldn’t have imagined on her own previously. Even if it was an emotional outburst, wouldn’t there be at least some truth to it? Her eyes remained fixed on her lap, unable to look at her classmate’s anguished face anymore.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally heard the rustling of fabric, and then the sound of a chair skidding against the tile with a discordant squeak.
Stay Gold was still coughing and sniffling, but she had considerably calmed down by now. Suzuka finally lifted her head up, hoping to at least bid her farewell properly. She watched her dust off her skirt, straighten out her winter coat, fiddle with her overgrown raven bangs.
Yes, it was true. Suzuka never really took in her features properly. It was never more than a quick glance. The guilt clustered in her chest as she eyed her carefully. But it wasn’t a lie that she didn’t forget her face. Even if her memories of her were fleeting, what remained was that she was beautiful. Yes, the beautiful second place horse girl from Takarazuka Kinen, the quiet and scarce classmate who was close to her in seating order, whose name more often went than came in her mind.
At least, she wanted to cling to that alone, even if Stay Gold would never believe her, even if that on its own was admittedly very superficial.
“Well. I know I’ve made a mess of things. I’ve been told it’s in my nature. You wouldn’t be the first to get caught up in it.”
“No, it’s fine… a lot of people cried when they visited, so it’s fine, really…”
Those lukewarm words of assurance that ignored the reality that they had both just experienced were like a final twist of the knife, but Stay Gold mentally grinded her heels into the dirt, trying to stop herself from having another fit. She’d already caused enough trouble.
The dark haired horse girl crossed her arms, her torso slowly turning from side to side, tail also overanimated.
“You’ll eat every last chocolate, alright? I spent my entire allowance on it…”
An awkward silence filled the room. Stay Gold grimaced, realizing how demanding she sounded when she didn’t mean to at all. Mentioning she’d spent a lot of money on it was also a massive misstep. Maybe she really is awkward and antisocial without recourse.
“Right… um, of course…”
This was hopeless.
Stay Gold was by the door before she heard the horse girl she’d visited speak up one last time.
“Stay-san, wait…! My cast… what did you write on my cast? I-if it’s okay to…”
An annoyed exhale interrupted her.
“I wrote… “don’t run away”. You know exactly what it means.”
Stay Gold slid the door open and stepped out before she could hear anything Silence Suzuka had to say. She rested her back against the door, hoping for a moment of respite, to catch her breath, but alas—
Before her was the worst person she could possibly meet in this situation, arms crossed, face in a scowl so intense Stay Gold’s eyes involuntarily widened in response.
It was Air Groove, practically steaming, arms crossed.
“Air Groove… you…” she sputtered, only able to blink in astonishment.
Before she could even continue her question, rather before it even began to take the form of a question, Air Groove’s arm shot at her at a blinding speed, taking hold of her wrist and dragging her away from Suzuka’s room until the two of them were reasonably out of earshot.
“You were going to ask how long I've been standing outside, weren’t you.”
Stay Gold chose to pretend to ignore her. Why’d she manhandle her, anyway? Who does she think she is? This is a pain.
“I was there the whole time. You aren’t going to explain yourself? I’ll give you the chance to speak, though it changes nothing.”
Air Groove glared at her, only to get glared back at.
“I have nothing to explain to you. I have to go back before curfew now, so–”
“You really don’t have any shame, do you?! You didn’t even think to apologize to her… The whole hospital heard you hurl abuse at her, but I didn’t expect you to be so flippant about it. Perhaps I thought too highly of you, even if the bar was already on the ground.”
Stay Gold’s hatred for Silence Suzuka was temporary, perhaps a product of blind jealousy and momentary frustration. She realized now however that she truly did not care for Air Groove, no matter how much she tried to dispel such feelings in the past. This uppity student council type was the worst. There was no compatibility between the two of them whatsoever, not even as strangers. This so-called “empress” who meddled in the affairs of others and chased after them like a bossy mother hen, in the name of maintaining her own brand of student freedom… simply put, it grossed her out. The faster she could leave, the better.
“Like I said… I have nothing to say to you. Let me pass. You dragged me away so as not to cause a scene in front of Silence Suzuka’s room, only to cause a scene anyway–”
“What could she have done to you for you to be so belligerent towards her? You’ve not once thought about why instructors can’t deal with you, let alone any trainers, have you? Answer me.”
Air Groove clenched her teeth at the sound of her junior crudely clicking her tongue at her. She was a good half a head taller, so the fact that Stay Gold had to look up at her to stare her down made her seem more rebellious and abrasive than she may have been trying to project to Air Groove in the first place.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s all about you and her , aren’t you so sad she overworked herself into this state? And you ask me so boldly why I don’t want to deal with instruction from anyone anymore? If you thought about it for even a second, you’d realize that. Though it may not be possible for you. You only see Silence Suzuka and how she’s infallible, there’s no room for an eyesore like me in your world, so please stop pretending otherwise in service of giving me a halfhearted sermon.”
The tension between the two of them was so thick in the air that it could be sliced with a butter knife. Whether she liked it or not, Stay Gold’s words struck a nerve. Suzuka’s injury was indeed in part due to an irresponsible lapse in her trainer’s judgment. Suzuka herself… loved running beyond the realm of common sense. She needed someone to hold her back. If asked if she could keep going, she would never think about her physical condition properly, she would never say no. Had Air Groove noticed the strain she’d put on her legs before then, had she put a stop to it… then, maybe…
“ You …!”
“I’m not done talking, empress . Remember that you lost to me , I’m the one who came in second in Takarazuka Kinen, not you . As much as you want to erase it, as much as you want to try to beautify the memory, that’s what actually happened. Sorry that I came in the way of your beautiful storybook rivalry. In the end, I’m the one who suffered because of it, don’t cause me any more grief than what’s been thrown at me already. I’m sick of it. I really am. All I want to do is run. That’s all I want.”
Onlookers had gathered to watch their argument at this point, their murmurs lingering around them like ants to a fallen slice of cake.
The two horse girls mutually realized they were at a stalemate at that moment. Neither of them said a thing right then, their eyes finally no longer locked together. Stay Gold began to shuffle her once more heavy legs away, making no note of Air Groove’s personal bubble, bumping shoulders with her as if she had been trying to collide with her on purpose. That wasn’t the case, but to any outsider it appeared that way. The truth was she was flustered and unable to navigate properly, shocked at the words that left her mouth. It’s not that they didn’t come from her heart… no, that was exactly the problem. It was the fact that she revealed any of her ugly feelings to the both of them at all. All this time, she kept quiet and tried to stay out of trouble. She held it in with all her might no matter how much she’d been disrespected and made a fool of… only to bare the unsavory contents of her soul to the very two horse girls she shouldn’t have. She could only lament what trouble it could bring her the next day. For now, she hurriedly scurried through the sanitized halls, making her way to the exit as quickly as she could muster all while trying to avoid the watching eyes of others.
The outside air was still as frigid as when she went in, if not more. The sun was setting as it should… not like it’d wait for anyone, even if it feels like the world had stopped.
If she ran fast enough, she could probably make it back to the dorms without being penalized. It was entirely within the realm of her ability.
It was simple joys like that that kept her from caving to the disparaging voices around her.
Yes, Stay Gold was a foolish horse girl, one who hid that she too thought things like “my purpose in life is to run”.
She couldn’t be honest about it like Silence Suzuka, but that might not be a bad thing. She wasn’t the one stuck in bed with a potentially career ending injury. The horse girl wanted to believe so badly that this stubbornness had been protecting her from a similar outcome this entire time. Knowing it didn’t make sense to hold such a belief, she clung to it anyway.
As long as she could run freely, nothing anyone said to her mattered. No one had to understand, nor did she need anyone else’s approval.
No one will ever pry that love away from her.