Work Text:
Liu Qingge has loved his husband since the first time he had had met him. It had been at his workplace’s Christmas party. His boss, Yue Qingyuan, had been dragging him around and introducing him to people, probably in the hopes of getting him more involved in the companies’ social life. It had worked, in a way.
“Oh, look, there’s Shen Jiu over there!” Yue Qingyuan had said, having sounded way too excited to see that graceless, vile beast of a man. “Oh, and his twin brother.”
Fuck, there’s two of them? Liu Qingge had thought. But then a guy wearing the exact same face as Shen Jiu had turned around and smiled at him and he had looked nothing like Shen Jiu at all.
It hadn’t been love at first sight. Liu Qingge had never been the type for that. But Shen Yuan was gorgeous, especially when he smiled, and he was kind and funny. Liu Qingge had spent the whole evening talking to him, getting to know him and when they had parted, he knew he had to see him again.
It had still taken years until he had worked up the guts to confess. And Shen Yuan had been so surprised, exclaiming things like “I thought you were straight” and “What will my brother say” but still he had accepted his feelings. And after that, everything had happened quite fast.
They quickly moved in together, they got married and they adopted a cat. (“It reminds me of you” Shen Yuan had snickered.)
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe they should have taken their time with each other back then. Maybe they had still been too young. Maybe… maybe..
Once again, Shen Yuan tumbled into the house during early morning hours. Liu Qingge was still up in their bed, reading. When he heard the door open, he took off his reading glasses and put the book aside.
A few minutes later his husband came into the bedroom, more stumbling than walking, and didn’t bother taking his clothes off before falling onto his side of the bed. Liu Qingge turned to him.
“You’re home.”
“Yes.”
His breath smelled like whiskey, his shirt like an aftershave neither of them owned.
“Do you want some water?” Liu Qingge knew better than to ask him where he had been. He knew the answer. He wanted to pretend he didn’t.
“Why are you still awake?” Shen Yuan asked, and it almost sounded like an accusation. They both knew Liu Qingge never slept when his husband was out. He didn’t say it.
“I’ll take that water, thanks”, Shen Yuan said after they had looked at each other in silence for a few seconds.
Liu Qingge left for the kitchen. When he came back with a glass full of cold water, his husband was already snoring softly.
It had started a few months ago. Luo Binghe had started working at their company, right under Shen Yuan’s tutelage. Brute, arrogant, handsome Luo Binghe. It had only taken a week before people had started looking at Liu Qingge full of pity. You’re wrong, he had wanted to say. He wouldn’t do this. He loves me.
It had taken another two weeks until Liu Qingge realized he was the one in the wrong.
He had gone back to the conference room to pick up a document he had forgotten. When he had opened the door, Luo Binghe and his husband were still inside. They weren’t touching, barely even close enough to try, but Shen Yuan had looked at Liu Qingge with fear and shame and… pity.
“I’ll see you at home”, Liu Qingge had said and had simply walked back out of the room. And a few hours later, Shen Yuan had come home.
Liu Qingge was up in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Pancakes and greasy bacon. He looked at the clock. Five minutes before 9 in the morning. As if on cue, his husband came in, swaddled in a blanket, the glasses on his nose hanging on all crooked.
He shuffled over to Liu Qingge and kissed him on the cheek. “Good morning”, he said, stifling a yawn. “What’s this?”
“Pancakes and bacon.”
“Oh god, that’s just what I need!” He kissed Liu Qingge again, right on the lips this time and shuffled over to their little breakfast table to sit down.
A few minutes later, Liu Qingge brought over their plates and sat down himself. They ate in silence for a while.
Then, Liu Qingge asked: “How was the get-together?”
“Good.” By now, Shen Yuan didn’t even flinch anymore when Liu Qingge asked him about his outings.
“We all went for a few drinks at The Red Pavilion. It went on for longer than I expected though.”
Shen Yuan and a few colleagues from his department had gotten together the night before to celebrate the end of a project. There was no point in asking if Luo Binghe had been there. If he hadn’t, Shen Yuan would have gotten home around midnight. The same time he had always gotten home. Before Luo Binghe.
“I’m glad you had fun.”
And that was that. They finished their breakfast, went about the day and pretended neither of them knew what the other was thinking. Like always. It had become their usual routine over the past few months. For Liu Qingge to act as if everything was fine and for Shen Yuan to act as if he didn’t know he was tearing his husband’s heart apart.
The next day, they drove to work together. They kissed goodbye at the entrance and went to their respective departments. When lunch break came around, Liu Qingge made his way to the break rooms.
There they were. Liu Qingge watched them. They were sitting on one of the sofas, much too close to be appropriate. Much too close to leave Liu Qingge any dignity. He could feel the pitiful eyes on him again.
Still, Liu Qingge knew his husband would never leave him. Maybe that was their blessing. Maybe that was their curse.