Chapter Text
At the garden:
Ivan: you are worthy of my grace
Till: your grace !?*chuckling at Ivan for his WEIRED behaviour *
Ivan smiles broadly while glancing at Till’s lovely feature, his lips pushed together so gently bringing forth music as his eyes squint in sync with his cheeks rising up beaming like a toddler.
“I am saying I like you, Till” he says in a whisper tone, torn between wanting Till to hear his confession while knowing full well what his response would be and not hearing it at all.
Unfortunately for him, they were sat so close to each other that Till did hear him, but seeing Ivan’s nervous reaction on his face, he decided to drop it, well aware that he might break what they did have, which Till did not want, he wasn’t ready for it.
*HE WASN’T READY FOR IT!* that’s odd what was he not ready for, he found Ivan insufferable. -is what his child like self-told himself through the years
Oh, how he longed that he could go back in time to give him a pure answer rather than the one he had provided before Ivan’s death. Oh how he wishes he could go back and tell Ivan perhaps they would have gotten closer than Ivan wouldn't had to die.
He was lost. No, not him; he lost someone so valuable, so near, someone who knew his insides better than himself, someone who only smiled at him, no grimace of hatred ever emanating from his eyes since his idiotic actions.
Memory began to fill Till’s brain, processing them. No, not his best friend, but a man who loves him. A man that truly loved him, was lifeless, dead in front of him while trying to protect him, NO, trying to save him from his stupid action,
He remembered Ivan’s prior comments “your worth of my grace” Giant globes of tears fell to the ground, mixing with his lover’s blood; he refused to accept that Ivan had died and that it was all his fault. The PHRASE *WORTHY OF MY GRACE* went on looping around his mind at the back of his throat, practically assaulting him, choking him to speak to Ivan one final time before he was carried away. A long choked wail emerged while he kneeled down to Ivan stared at his eyes, which still had a gleam of brightness.
He also held his hand; he wasn’t sure if he should let Ivan rest without a response; the only thing he knew was that Ivan wouldn’t mind; he was so patient with him that it broke his glasses’ heart into massive pieces.
“I-i you moron, you idiot,you, were I so worthy of your stupid grace that you had sacrificed yourself for me IVAN” TILL SAID IN A BIT OF ANGER DEFUSED WITH SADNESS AS HIS TEARS TICKLED DOWN HIS FACE
He could fell the grip on Ivan hand hardening as response of a “YES “he could only stare at those who’s light seeping to be dropping in slow-mo.
“Ivan don't close your eyes i l-’’ as well were the last word he said to even but by that time even eyes had lost the light poor little Ivan life had come to a tragic end without ever knowing till answer to his question.
OH HOW TILL HATED HIMSEL
He stared at his person’s lifeless corpse with anguish. He couldn’t let go of Ivan’s hand, and as he heard the guardian approaching to take the pieces away, he tightened his grip even more.
He stared in anguish as his heart completely broke.
Ivan and Till’s hands became entwined. Till protected Ivan like his life depended on he held onto the limp body, hugging it for dear life if Ivan was shot to death, he would be crushed by Till’s arms. Till wouldn't let go. No, he wouldn't.
But
But he couldn't hold on either why was he so weak, why couldn't he just hold on to the things he cared about why was it so hard why did stop singing why didn't he just continue maybe then Ivan would be lifeless! right now why did he do that! what was he thinking!!!
Thoughts rolled around like a new season while the aliens came and forced them both apart ripping Ivan from till arm, HIS IVAN, was now being dragged away like another corpse. So was the shock of not being able to react in time to save Ivan from those alien that led to this.
Till stared at the lifeless being dragged a trail of his crimson blood followed behind him like a dog, his blood glimmered with the lights as they were slowly dimmed.it looked like a beautiful scenery of the night sky, but all could Till think was disgust at how Ivan blood sipped out slowly, he wanted to vomit but his throat was to dry. He wanted to cry a rainfall but his eyes couldn't produce any tears, they hurt, he could guess they were red by the cries and scream before; but now his eyes were frowning while he was smiling? SMILLING, WTF why was he smiling he wanted to cry but he couldn't so how could he be smiling he felt sad, but his mouth wouldn't move his brain wouldn't react either he tried to stop the smile but....
............................................,.................
at that moment till vision began to go blurry, the sight of Ivan bloody body being dragged Away became blurrier, his mouth finally stopped smiling but his eye lids felt heavy his head began to throb his hands, feat not his whole body began to tremble
At first, he thought it may be, he has finally processed what was going on with everything but as; he looked up. He was being injected with a peculiar drug to get him to stop behaving in such “a weird way” his guardian stated, he wasn't surprised at the remark by his guardian but more at the fact that he misleads the felling of sorrow to an injection, he felt so guilty he wasn't in tears for Ivan he wasn't grieving him like a normal person, he was being ‘’WEIRED’’ that's what he was ‘weird’ so why did Ivan his best friend die for such a weird person.
Till didn't answer, he wanted to stop those horrendous thoughts of himself and focus on HIS Ivan so he just stares at the sky that reminiscent the bloody scene of even cloud and the artificial light that made up the night sky he kept on staring longer he felt as he could connect to the stars, he felt that the something that was taken away just know could be found comforting whilst looking up..., it felt nice as the night sky stars seemed to form his face, his goofy smile, his unique eyes and his little vampire teeth. Ohh he could stare at the sky forever if that was the sight he saw, he would wish that night remained for eternity, until he saw something moving at rather fast pace from the conner of his eyes shooting straight at Ivan goofy face. He wanted to scream and shout say no but his voice body couldn't react it was as he was lifeless as well, he kept on staring at the scene wanting to close his eyes when he thought of Ivan face being bloodied up again but it didn't indeed it felt like in slow motion it seemed that the star was communicating with him telling him to MAKE A WISH!?!?!
Till wasn’t a one to believe stupid faith belief but at that moment he remembers Ivan word about him being his DIVINE very vividly, no idea if he had begun to making memories up or something, but he could try there was no hurt in trying some stupid human theory right even though it was unlikely to work.
He looked at the star falling 🌠 “please I wish for ....., I want to repeat life as many time as needed until I can finally see Ivan stood right Infront me “he thought whilst whispering to himself whilst he looked up at the star in hope.
only for apparently the drug he was injected to finally hit him with the final stage where he slumbered into a state of sleep began whilst he tried to stay awake fighting for it as he looked at the sky when he felt his eyes grow heavier and heavier he looked down at the train of Ivan blood reflecting the not bright star getting brighter and brighter, it looked so mesmerizing , he wished he kept on staring at the scene but his eyes finally gave up and the last thing he could hear was scream he believes perhaps being his inner mind screaming at him to stay awake