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Yoru painfully grunted and moaned as he tried to push his bleeding body back against a wall. A bullet to the shoulder counted him out of any fighting chance, yet he fought against it every time it gave out just to get under cover. The halls of Abyss were strange and new, making Yoru’s heart rate pick up anytime he peered over the edge. His normal level headedness had been compromised by the difficulty of the location.
Omen and Clove easily manoeuvred around, rather unbothered by the large drop. Omen could always teleport away into the shadows, and well… Clove just never died. It made Yoru feel weak in comparison, seeing his fellow teammates breezing through the mission, hardly bothered by the expansive land below.
Maybe that was part of the reason as to why Yoru refused to use his communicator to signal that he was injured and in danger. Nobody was complaining, all adequately handling themselves— everyone except for Yoru, of course. Yet he refused to look weak in front of them. No fracture in his collected demeanour was going to be seen by anybody. He knew that they’d all be mad that Yoru was allowing himself to bleed out because he wanted to retain his ‘ego’, especially considering both Sage and Phoenix were on the mission. He can already imagine the look on Phoenix’s face…
The whole situation felt so ridiculous; it was just a simple revision team mission to check back on what was discovered last time and to see if anything new had occurred since Clove, Iso and Omen visited last. This team included the company of Yoru, Phoenix and Sage in place of Iso. Nothing horrible was expected to happen, just checking to see if any dust had lifted off the walls— yet Yoru was left cowering in a corridor, pressed to a cold wall as his shoulder oozed red. He didn’t even realise that their doubles could be on the prowl– not even catching the face of the assailant, only the bullet from their gun. For all Yoru knew, it could’ve been himself, one of his friends’ eerie copies, or an Hourglass agent.
He shivered as the temperature of the air began to decline, causing chills to run down his spine. Trying to hug himself for warmth, he leant more against the wall, pressing all of his weight against it. He was unsure if it was just him or the Abyss air was just unusually cold, the icy nature of it piercing his skin with a prickling sensation that made his ungloved fingertips sting. It was abnormal, the only place that should be causing him this pain is Icebox, but he felt like he was being doused in frosted waters.
Blood smeared over his clothes as he tucked himself into a curled position, hiding his head behind the arms that hugged his clothed knees. Every movement of his arm killed his spirit more and more, causing him to grip the bleeding wound with clenched teeth, sucking in the air tensely. He tried to blink back any tears that threatened to well up– Yoru was not going to cry. He doesn’t cry.
He hated how weak he felt as he heard his heart thump in his ears and how he anxiously peered around after moments of eerie silence. He didn’t even remember when he ripped out his communicator, vaguely remembering seeing it next to him on the ground as he skimmed around. Was he going to die? His eyes lost focus every now and again and there was this sharp pain poking at the back of his scalp, rolling into a piercing pain in his temples as he continued to shiver.
The only part of him that felt warm was the side of his body that his own blood was rolling over, dripping down like syrup, only it lacked sweetness as a metallic smell weaved into the air. Every now and again his body jolted slightly as it felt like he was slipping down the wall, the fear of falling acting out in the form of his survival instinct. It was the same instinct that made his hand twitch every time he considered grabbing the communicator– The only thing stopping him being his ego. Every time. It felt like a weakness in of itself– to care so much about what they thought was an issue. So he stayed.
He let the silvery… no… maybe even blueish walls get smeared with red every time he shuffled, tipped over or twitched in pain. The place felt cold, menacing, wood floors jagged and imperfect which caused his shoes to clip each uneven edge as they fell with dead weight. His body sagged as he continued to look around, trying his hardest not to scream out in pain. Fuck it was cold…
He missed Phoenix. It was a weird dynamic the two had, but he truly cared for the firebird more than he’d like to admit, and he knew that feeling was reciprocated. But Yoru couldn’t muster up any way to properly say it, teetering around the truth like it’d burn him. The fear of vulnerability scared him. He didn’t know how to not fear it. Yoru just let it fester and run away when it becomes too much for him. There was no plan if he couldn’t run, the assumption was always that he could. He felt damned sitting here like a giant target, waiting around to be shot. The situation felt like bad karma for his ego, for his fears, for his inability to change because he was stubborn .
Yoru slightly shuffled against the wall once more, knocking his shoulder into the painted wall. His shoulder throbbed and he cried out, smacking a shaky palm over his mouth sluggishly. Tears welled in his eyes. He was in so much pain– why did it hurt so much ?! He took shot after shot, scratch after scratch and he had scar after scar. He could deal with everything, yet he was at a loss here. He could only sniffle and cough out quiet sobs as he stared off into a blank space. He couldn’t even react when footsteps were heard, ringing from corridors close by. His mind was slow, his movement delayed and his clothes were bloodsoaked.
“Yoru?” A voice called through the abyss.
Sage…
He sighed with relief. At least that was a voice he knew. Maybe he’d be alright…
Yoru went to speak up but, instead of his voice, he let out a wet cough. Sage’s boots hitting the floor was the only sound he focused on as she ran closer, flying around a corner with a concerned look on her face. “Yoru!” She shouted as she slid over, panicking at the sight of Yoru’s blood pooling on the floor, cascading down the wall as if it was a water fountain. “My goodness! What happened?” She frantically asked, summoning her healing orb and holding her palms on Yoru’s shoulder. He winced out in pain as his face morphed into a tight grimace.
“I don’t… know” He grunted out, writhing slightly under Sage’s grasp. “Is everyone safe?” He breathlessly asked, eyes darting around to make sure Sage doesn’t get shot in the back. “Is everyone? God Yoru…” Sage shook her head as she frowned, grabbing Yoru’s face and forcing him to look at her. “Why didn’t you say anything ?” She hissed out the question, making Yoru sluggishly blink in surprise.
The hostility in Sage’s tone wasn’t intended in an angry way. It was fearful, frustrated, she’s upset that Yoru let himself get hurt with no intent of contacting anyone, that is, if the communicator lying on the floor was any indicator of that. “I didn’t think it mattered…” He mumbled, staring at the floor.
“Everyone is okay,” She began, giving Yoru a pointed look. “That makes this worse. We could have been here Yoru… This is a lot of blood—“
“—I know” He groaned, trying to weakly shove Sage off of him. “I’ll be able to walk back…”
“And stumble and fall to your death? Nice try.” She sighed, holding out an arm for Yoru. “Can you get up or should I call for help?”
Yoru hesitantly planted his palms on the floor and tried to push himself up. His arm immediately buckled under his weight as he swore, his back roughly slamming into the wall. He groaned as his head slightly knocked the wall afterwards. The riftwalker’s eyes darted over to get a grasp of Sage’s expression. She looked concerned, softly shaking her head as he activated her communicator and told Phoenix to come to the location she pinged.
As much as Yoru wanted to protest Phoenix coming, he knew it was the logical option. He’s already caused Sage enough stress at the moment if the creased brows said anything about the poor woman’s current emotional state. Yoru leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, feeling Sage begin to wrap bandages around his shoulder. If he really focused on the sounds surrounding them, he could hear Phoenix’s sneakers hitting the ground in the distance, however the howling wind made it hard to hear. Speaking off, he was still freezing ; his arms prickled with goosebumps as his body slightly trembled with shivers.
He didn’t even notice when Phoenix actually arrived, only the moment his warm hand grabbed his cheek gently. He was so warm, Yoru couldn’t help but press against and lean into Phoenix’s touch like it was his lifeline. “You’re quiet,” Yoru said under his breath, bringing an arm up to faintly grasp Phoenix’s warm arm, clinging to it.
Phoenix ran his free hand through Yoru’s hair, fixing up messy strands that escaped their spiked shape. “You’re bleeding,” He breathed out, frowning. “How long…”
“Long enough.” Sage cut in with an answer, sensing that Yoru wasn’t going to admit it anytime soon. “Could you carry him back?” The woman asked, looking towards Phoenix hopefully. The firebird gently nodded towards Sage before looking at Yoru. “How do you wanna be carried?”
“Whatever doesn’t hurt the fuck out of my shoulder.” He painfully chuckled, grunting when Phoenix tentatively snuck his hand behind Yoru’s back, another hand hooked underneath the back of his knees. “Is this okay?” Phoenix anxiously questioned, eyes flickering, analysing Yoru’s reaction. Maybe another day Yoru would have complained and protested, but today he was too tired to care. He just gave Phoenix a small nod as he slightly leant closer for warmth, chills running down his spine once more as the cold air caressed his bullet-wounded shoulder.
Phoenix took his time carrying Yoru, closely following behind Sage, who had her gun out just in case. The firebird’s eyes kept flicking down to check on Yoru, ensuring that his eyes weren’t dropping closed and that he stayed conscious. The riftwalker lazily looked back and, somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he looked crazily smitten. The look never fell as he tucked closer to Phoenix for warmth. He loved how Phoenix ran warm, just like rays of sun on a freezing day– he cut through the cold to make Yoru feel at home.
“When will you ask for help, Ryo?” Phoenix sighed out the question, looking at Yoru with a sad gaze. Yoru almost didn’t recognise the use of his real name, the sound of it rolling off of Phoenix’s tongue naturally, almost like it was second nature. His heart ached as he pondered the question, all the while looking into Phoenix’s emotion-filled eyes. “What are you talking about?” Yoru huffed back, avoiding it all.
“You never ask.” Phoenix groaned, shaking his head in frustration.
“Because I don’t need to.” He spoke back, but lacked any bite with his bark. It was hard to actually believe he didn’t need anyone whilst he was being carted around like a princess by his supposed knight in shining armour.
Phoenix opened his mouth, before snapping it quickly shut and taking a deep breath. “Yoru, it’s okay to need help.”
“I said I—“
“— Bullshit ” Phoenix whispered out the words with impact, the syllables indenting themselves into Yoru’s memory. “You always do stuff like this… We are here for you— Ryo, I’m here for you .” He argued passionately, looking directly into Yoru’s eyes as he said that he was there for him.
“I know” Yoru mumbled out, frowning when Phoenix huffed and looked away cruelly. He knew that the sight of him being injured hurt Phoenix, yet Yoru could never bring himself to ask for help— He was born as a loner, and old habits were going to die hard. Even if that meant he’d had to see his boyfriend turn away from the sight of him bleeding in his arms. He couldn’t bring himself to say the three simple words.
—
Yoru, it’s okay to need help
The quote from Phoenix crossed Yoru’s mind as he grimaced painfully whilst seated on his bathroom floor. In training that day, he went too extreme for his injured body, backtracking any healing that had been done by reopening the wound. He felt blood seep into the bandage, soaking it with a faded crimson as it went tacky against his skin. If he was willing to be vulnerable, he would’ve walked to Sage, head hanging low with a slight feeling of shame yet willing to seek help from her to fix the wound.
But as past events had shown time and time again, Yoru wasn’t going to budge so easily. He tried to pry the bandage off but the stinging mixed with an aching pain was enough for him to bite his lip painfully and curl up on himself, hands surrendering to the pain. Agony was the only word that would accurately describe his state at that current moment, borderlining pitiful. He knew that the eyeliner he regularly wore would’ve smudged under his eyes, tears welling up that were painfully rubbed away, hurt with the friction of his knuckle on his eyelids.
Each breath shook as he groaned and let his back slide down the tiles as he sank lower to the floor. Uncurling, he gazed at the blinding bathroom light that was flickering periodically– He really needed to fix that light. He hated the smell of metal and hated his hands pressing into the icy cold tiles as he felt the warm blood continue to seep out. He didn’t even understand why the wound was bleeding so much. Yoru knew that it wasn’t fully healed, but he thought that the jittery movement wouldn’t have irritated the wound to this extent.
He peeled off his jacket, dumping it beside him as bile rose up in his throat as the metallic smell permeated the air. It was disgusting and only served to make Yoru feel worse about himself as he looked down at the bandage. His eyes widened at how bloody it was looking, and the sight made him notice just how light headed he was feeling.
What the hell was he going to do?
He was stuck in his key padded room, door locked because Ryo didn’t expect the wound to be bleeding like it was in that current moment. If only he knew then maybe… Maybe he would’ve gone to see Sage afterall. With a shaky hand, he awkwardly dug around in his pant pocket for his phone. Fishing it out, he clicked it on and swiped open to the homescreen, tapping on the phone app. He pressed on his most recent contact, knowing that it was going to be Phoenix’s number.
His phone sang with a numbing chime as it tried to connect the line to Phoenix’s phone, the repetitive tone making Yoru want to rip his own hair out. His throat was dry as the phone continued to ring, meaning that it was likely that Phoenix wasn’t going to pick up. His boyfriend was pretty prompt with answering calls if he was going to answer, so when the phone call timed out, it wasn’t much of a surprise.
Although it wasn’t a surprise, it did hurt him. Yoru looked up at the broken light, frowning to himself. Out of all the times the call could’ve timed out, it was the one time he wanted to reach out for help. Sure, he could call Sage– but Yoru was fairly sure he didn’t have her number on his phone, only really needing to contact her with a communicator during a mission. He cringed at the idea of contacting Jett– knowing fully well that she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut even if it killed her.
Sifting through the very few options in his mind, Yoru recognised that he didn’t want anybody else to help him beside Phoenix. He just wanted Phoenix to come in– he knew Phoenix knew the passcode to his room. Yoru wanted his boyfriend to sweep him away and take him to safety, letting him cuddle up in warm arms that would protect him. When was Yoru this sappy? It grossed him out thinking about how desperate he was for Phoenix’s care, but how couldn’t he be?
Phoenix said he’d be there for him. He said he wanted to help and Yoru knew from the way his eyes told of the pain he felt each time he saw Yoru injured– Phoenix cared so much for him that it could kill him. But where is he now? He isn’t here to help. Yoru continued to sit there, bleeding with faint tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared at his call history, mostly filled with the name of a single individual. God he was weak. Yoru was so, so weak .
Ring ring–
As soon as Phoenix’s call banner lit up on the dimming screen, Yoru picked up the call. He tapped the speaker icon, unwilling to muster up the strength to hold the phone to his ear. “ Sorry I missed your call. What’s up?” Phoenix’s voice crackled through the speaker, making Yoru softly chuckle. The movement of his chest shuffled his shoulder, making it bump roughly into the tiled wall that he was resting against. Yoru groaned out in pain, leaning forward and clutching his shoulder as if it’d stop the pain. His hand was instantly coated with his blood, an uncomfortable mix of warm and lukewarm liquid.
“Help…” He hissed out through clenched teeth.
“ Pardon? ” Phoenix questioned, a shuffling sound heard in the background. Yoru opened his mouth to speak but coughed as a stinging pain shot through his shoulder.
“Phoenix… help me.” He spat out as he grunted in pain, clutched over with his head spinning. His legs felt like static was coursing through them as they fell asleep from the position he was in being stagnant for so long. His ears began to dully ring as he barely registered Phoenix’s voice and the sounds coming through the phone. He was tired and in pain, and feeling awful as he waited anxiously for Phoenix to show up, if he did .
Doubt creeped up into Yoru’s mind, but he tried to fight it off as he watched the elapsed call time rise. Phoenix cares about him. Yoru isn’t seen as just some fling or some phase– Yoru’s seen how much Phoenix cares about him. Phoenix wasn’t going to let him bleed out, and Yoru was ready to surrender all reservations to needing help. He needed this. His ego was worthless if he was a corpse and in the back of his mind, the riftwalker was well aware of that fact. Even so, he continued to let himself build up a facade that was soon to come crashing down.
He heard the door to his room slide open, Phoenix’s footsteps heard as he walked up to the bathroom door. “Ryo?” He called out from the otherside of the bathroom door, the voice doubling through the phone call. Without needing to confirm, Phoenix pulled open the bathroom door, scanning through the room until his eyes fell on Yoru. “Ryo!” He yelped, crouching down beside his partner.
Yoru turned to him and weakly smiled, eyes softly drooping. “This really fucking hurts,” He breathlessly spoke, not having enough energy to laugh about the situation. Phoenix’s gaze looked frightened as he pressed on Yoru’s shoulder. The injured man hissed and instinctively jerked away from Phoenix’s touch, but the firebird kept his hands glued to Yoru’s shoulder. “...Are you proud of me?” Yoru suddenly asked, the question breaking out as a soft whisper, voice cracking in the middle of it.
“Proud of?” Phoenix frowned as he looked into Yoru’s eyes, trying to comprehend just how alarming Yoru’s current state was.
“Proud that I asked for help”
Phoenix’s expression soured as he began to pick Yoru up. “This isn’t the time, Yoru.” He scolded, adjusting Yoru in his arms, who hung limply against Phoenix’s chest, arms dangling over his boyfriend’s shoulders. The position irritated Yoru’s injured shoulder, but he refused to speak up, just breathing through the pain instead. “I’ll… I’m getting you to Sage, we’ll talk later.”
Yoru didn’t respond, only hid his face against Phoenix. Was Phoenix mad at him? He couldn’t say and he only felt like crying as he felt so stupid. This was all stupid. Now he was weak and he depended on Phoenix– He was everything he didn’t want to be.
As they walked, Yoru could faintly hear other agents in the halls, meaning they’d see him in his current state. He felt horrible, like nobody. Yoru felt like a helpless kid again, being carried when he did something as small as scratching his knee. He should’ve just been stronger. If Yoru was stronger, he wouldn’t have even gotten shot in the first place!
“Stop thinking so hard,” Phoenix's voice suddenly interrupted his train of thought. Yoru grunted in acknowledgement all the while he was being readjusted in Phoenix’s arms. “I’m… I’m not mad.”
“Sounds like it…” Yoru’s words were muffled against Phoenix, and he felt Phoenix’s breath as he exhaled tiredly.
“Yoru I’m just worried,” He explained, raising a hand to comb through Yoru’s hair as he walked up to the infirmary door. “Sage will help and then we can talk.” He finished as he knocked on the door, Yoru quietly whining as Phoenix’s hand left his hair. Yoru’s mind trailed off as he was carried in, every moment passing turning into some fuzzy blur, until the blur turned into nothing.
—
When Yoru woke up again, he was greeted by Phoenix at his bedside. Well… Greeted was a strong word. Moreso it was just Phoenix sitting by his side with a tired look on his face, that morphed into a slightly happier one upon registering Yoru as awake as he was illuminated under the sickeningly bright hospital lights.
“How are you feeling?” Phoenix asked in a hushed tone, thumb gently caressing Yoru’s cheek, running over the scars that decorated the bedridden man’s cheek. The intimacy made the riftwalker’s cheeks blush potently, being well aware of this fact as he felt his face heat up rapidly.
“Tired…” He pouted, trying to gently swat Phoenix’s hand away but without much power. Yoru was a liar if he said he didn’t like the way Phoenix doused him with love and affection. Although he couldn’t help but frown as he saw the sorrowful look in his boyfriend’s eyes. “Don’t look at me like that.” He grumbled, extending his arm out to flick Phoenix’s.
“Sorry” Phoenix laughed breathily, blinking and revoking eye contact to break out of the trance-like stare he was caught in. “I’m just… I’m happy you reached out.”
“Oh…” Yoru rested his head back and stared at the ceiling as the kind words sunk in. “Uh… I thought you were disappointed with me.”
“Disappointed?!” Phoenix was baffled as he spoke, brows furrowing at the accusation. “Darling, I’m glad you said something. That was strong of you.”
“Strong of me how?” Yoru frowned, looking at Phoenix with confusion. “All I did was ask for help… Isn’t getting help the opposite of strong?”
Phoenix gently combed through Yoru’s hair as he responded. “Ryo… Asking for help is one of the strongest things someone can do. Admitting that you can’t do things alone is a brave thing…
“I’m proud of you.” Phoenix concluded with a smile, and like an infection, Yoru was quickly smiling too— despite how much he tried to fight it off.
He relaxed as Phoenix continued to soothe him and shower him with gentle touches and peppered kisses. Yoru also noticed that his shoulder hurt far less… Sage must’ve healed it more, which he was forever grateful for.
And the best part of it all? He asked for help and it was okay. Phoenix didn’t look down on him, and maybe some of the agents that saw the two in the halls would question them, but for now Yoru was content with the fact that he was able to seek help. He felt beyond happy to have Phoenix be the one by his side, pampering him with affection whilst he continued to rest. He felt safe when his eyes drifted closed and he went back to sleep. And everything felt alright when he woke back up in his own bed, Phoenix cuddling him.
It was okay to need help, and he’s glad that Phoenix provided him with the reassurance to be vulnerable without being seen as weak.
Yoru wasn’t weak. He was strong, albeit a bit egotistical, yet above all he was able to start asking for help.
Yoru wasn’t alone. He was surrounded by people that have become a second family to him.
Yoru is just Yoru. A strong man who can ask for help from the ones closest to him when he admits that he can’t do things alone.
And that’s okay.