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Studying Harriet intently, without her noticing, Ben rests his cheek on his hand, his elbow on the table, and gets lost in his thoughts.
Harriet is focused on her work, scribbling down notes and going through her textbooks as quickly as lightning. Meanwhile, Ben is still stuck on problem #1. Well he was stuck on problem #1 when he gave up and started staring at Harriet. Ben never liked math, he has loathed it since he can remember. He’s going to tackle this problem when he gets home.
For now, his thoughts are revolving around Harriet. How she has her hair up in a messy bun. How her eyebrows are furrowed slightly in concentration. How she is lightly biting her lower lip absentmindedly. How she is playing with her pencil, twirling it around her fingers. How her eyes light up in victory when she gets a question right, which is basically every few minutes. It almost goes unnoticed, but her eyebrows inch up a little, and her eyes crinkle a bit. And it's so sudden, so quick, that you could miss it if you're not paying close attention. She quickly moves onto her next question. Ben is enamored, and he isn't even hiding it.
Over these months, Ben and Harriet have grown closer together. They have slowly become the best of friends to each other. But this friendship is not like the others Ben has had. Ben has never thought this much about a friend. He thinks of Harriet night and day, only her name ricocheting off the walls of his mind. She haunts him in his dreams, and sweeps him off his feet when he’s awake.
He has memorized her coffee order, bringing her coffee every morning like they’re something more than friends. But that’s what they are. Only friends. Ben wants to ask her out on a date, but would Harriet agree? Would it destroy their friendship? Ben doesn’t think he can take another friendship breakup. He has had too many in the past few years.
Suddenly he’s struck by a book on his forehead, which brings him back to the library. “Where’d you go?” Harriet demands, looking at him suspiciously. She probably caught his intent staring. Shit.
“Nowhere,” Ben shrugs, hoping to distract her before she starts asking more questions. “What are you studying now?”
“What I was studying before.”
“Right,” Ben points finger guns at her. “Cool.” He doesn't know whether to be embarrassed over the fact that she caught him staring at her or at the finger guns he just made right in front of her. Both. Definitely both.
With cheeks pink, Ben mutters a sorry and tries his best to get back into his math problems. Math can save him! It has to.
Yet, Harriet is probably intrigued by him now. The awkward way with which Ben was talking to her wouldn’t have gone unnoticed. “What were you thinking about so seriously? I called you several times before I had to resort to the book.”
“Just this math problem. It’s pretty hard.”
“Oh? Let me see.”
At that, Harriet takes his book and reads the question. And Ben thinks that maybe the question wasn’t too hard. He probably was just procrastinating. What if Harriet thinks he’s stupid now? He’s actually better than the average when it comes to academics. Too bad Cobalt standards are so high.
Quickly trying to distract her from the book, he blurts out a question and immediately blushes. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”
Harriet looks up from his book, to Ben’s probably very pink and flustered face. “What?”
“Umm- Nothing. Nothing,” Ben laughs nervously. Why did he have to say that out of all the things he could have said? “I said nothing.” He slides his book back to himself.
“You said nothing?”
“That’s right.”
“Okay then.” With that, Harriet goes back to her work.
Ben mentally sighs and slaps himself on the face simultaneously. That was a close call. They both will just pretend that Ben never said anything. And it’ll all be alright.
Yet, it isn’t all right. Because now Ben feels like clawing his insides and jumping off a bridge somewhere. He knew he was doomed from the beginning, from the moment he saw Harriet as more than a friend, but the reality still hurts. It stings. He wished, yearned, for this friendship to become something more. He wants to venture into romantic territories, wants to take Harriet on dates and kiss her whenever he feels like it. He wants it so much, more than he has ever wanted anything. But it seems like he won't get it now.
Busying himself in his work, he actually tries the math problem and succeeds. So he goes through the rest of his assignment. Until he gets interrupted.
“Why is your name just Ben?” Ben looks up from his work to find Harriet staring at him, with her books neatly stacked beside her. It seems like she's done with her work.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Do you see me laughing?”
“Why can’t my name be just Ben?”
“Because it’s dumb.”
“Don’t say it’s dumb.”
“Whatever you say, just Ben.”
“It’s not dumb. Seriously. I was named after Obi-Wan, a Star Wars character. His nickname is Ben. Uncle Loren named me.”
“You’re named after a nickname of a Star Wars character?”
“Yes. Now stop asking unnecessary questions.”
“Sure, just Ben.”
“Why are you even asking this anyways?”
“Was just curious.”
Ben raises one eyebrow, still suspicious and Harriet merely shrugs and starts to stand up. She collects her books and puts them in her bag.
With her bag on her shoulder, she says, “Let's go?”
“Sure. Just a moment.” Standing up, he also collects his books and prepares to leave.
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“About what happened back there…” Harriet starts to say as they make their way back to their respective homes. Somedays, they walk to their homes, with Ben dropping Harriet off at hers first and walking all the way back to his house alone. Today is one of those days.
“What happened back there?”
“You know.”
Fuck. Does the universe have something against Ben? His fate keeps on fucking him up and its not even funny anymore. Acting clueless, he silently utters a quick prayer to whoever listens, to get him out of this situation, and to Harriet he says, “I know what?”
Harriet turns to him, with her hands folded in front of her and her eyes narrowed to slits, she asks again. “What happened back there?”
Underneath her piercing stare, he feels like he's being stripped bare. It feels like she can see through him. It feels like that if Harriet asks her once again, he might crumble under the weight of her gaze. And that's exactly what happens.
“I am waiting, Cobalt.” She leans back, tapping her foot on the pavement, waiting.
“Stop.” Flustered, Ben starts walking further, hoping to ignore her.
“Cobalt. I swear to god I will kill you. I will ignore you forever and ever and ever. You won't get to see me ever again.” Ben can feel Harriet chasing his quick steps.
Turning around abruptly, he almost bumps into Harriet, but moves back in time. “I asked you on a date. Now drop it.”
“I won't drop it.”
“Why?” Ben feels stupid, does she think that playing with him is fun? Doesn't she know that he's drowning? That he wants nothing more than to take his words back? That he's disgusted with himself for falling too deep?
“Because you deserve to know my answer.”
“No. I don't want to know.” Ben is sure the answer is no. He doesn't want to hear it from her. He'd rather go and take a cold, cold shower.
Harriet rolls her eyes, and gives a disbelieving laugh. “You're unbelievable. Yes, I'll go on a date with you.”
“I am not unbelieva- What? What did you just say?”
“I said yes. Yes, I will go on a date with you, Ben Cobalt. Do you want me to write it out for you? Sign a contract?”
Now Ben really is blushing. He’s also in denial. His ears must be playing a trick on him. What is this turn of events? “No, you don’t need to sign a goddamn contract. But are you sure? I don't want you to agree to it out of pity. I don't need your pity. I am okay.”
“If you truly think that then well I don't know what to say. But, I am being serious. Totally serious. I've thought long and hard about it. Don't make me take it back.”
Ben stays silent, still disbelieving. Harriet starts walking again and calls him to catch up to her.
When he does, she starts talking again. “You asked me out on a date. I took some time to think about it. My answer is yes. What's so disbelieving about it?”
Ben shakes his head in answer, lost in thought. He really thought she'd reject him. He realy thought he fucked it all up. It's hard to believe that she wants him. It's hard to believe that someone would want him. But she does. She does?
“What?”
“You really want to go out on a date with me?”
“For the millionth time, yes.”
“Okay.” Ben focuses on his breathing. He can scream in happiness into his pillow. Not right now. Not in front of Harriet.
“I'm free next Saturday.” Harriet offers.
“Yea. Me too. Okay. Saturday it is.” A small smile creeps up on his face. He tries to subdue the eagerness. But the whole world could probably see his face lit up in excitement. His body was vibrating because of the exhilaration.
They walk the rest of the way in silence, their pinkies brushing now and then. Ben is lost in his mind, already planning on what he'll do. He’ll definitely bring her flowers. Which ones though? Maybe peonies? Or daisies? He’ll decide later on. Maybe they can go on a picnic? No, Harriet will hate that. Maybe they can go see a movie? No. So unoriginal. Maybe they could go to a museum? No. It doesn’t feel right. He gets lost in these questions, trying to come up with an amazing date idea, that he doesn't notice that they've reached Harriet's house until she calls his name.
“I hope you are not about to ask me on a date again.” Harriet smiles a little, and it just makes Ben's day a little bit better. It was already going well. Now it's fantastic. He got a smile.
“No. You already said yes. You can't take it back.”
“Oh, I can't?”
“No. You're stuck with me now.”
“Oh no,” Harriet mocks a face-palm. “What did I do?”
“Oh no. What did you do? We’re basically a couple now.” Ben winks, smiles cheekily at her and waves, all the while walking backwards, away from her.
“No we are not, Ben Pirrip Cobalt.” Harriet practically screams so that he can hear it.
“Yes we are, Harriet Fisher. Goodnight now. Sleep well.” Ben screams back and turns around. He walks to his house with a smile on his face and a skip to his step.