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Sometimes, all you need to come to an Earth-shattering realization is a nudge, a small event that unchains a series of events that lead to an epiphany.
Well, Percy Jackson was not so much ‘nudged’ as he was shoved into the Abyss with just a single sentence, ten words that completely shifted how he saw everything.
“For a long time, I had a crush on you.”
He had spent months trying to get that sentence off his mind. To pretend it didn’t matter, that it hadn't made his chest flutter with an unknown emotion he had never really felt before.
And for a long time, he succeeded. He managed to convince himself that it was all just shock, or surprise, and that with the air cleared, things were finally looking up in the friendship department with Nico.
Then he got a bit busy with school, Nico got a bit boyfriend, and things were finally in place.
Except… sometimes he’d call Nico, almost randomly, just to say he was catching up with friends, but really, he was the only one he called regularly aside from Annabeth and Grover.
He always looked a bit too intensely at the image the Iris Message conjured, a bit too closely. He’d look over every feature and expression Nico made, trying to commit them all to memory. He especially played close attention to the way his mouth twitched in that small, soft smile that seemed far more genuine than any sort of full-on laughter in anyone else.
Because Nico had been dealt a very bad hand in life, and it was nice to see him slowly getting better. He enjoyed seeing him, not exactly going back to that happy kid he met at Westover, but growing into a happier, healthier teen, more open with his feelings and with sharing them with Percy.
It made Percy feel unique, special, to be able to see those changes in Nico. He tried his hardest to not think about whether or not his boyfriend also got to see them, but he liked to think that Nico kept him at some distance for now. The son of Hades was nothing if not slow to trust others, and his relationship with Will Solace had been as sudden as it was fast-growing. He was sure his friend was still cautious around the son of Apollo.
Friend… That’s right, that’s what they were, and that was all that Percy wanted. He was done being Nico’s source of hurt, and was happy to become his sounding board, the person he told jokes to, the guy he talked to every weekend about silly, inconsequential things. Just a good friend and nothing more.
Denial was one hell of a drug, and Percy was okay with chugging it down every morning. Nico had never confessed to having a crush on him, Percy had never given it any thought since it had only come out after the fact, and he never yearned for more than friendship with Nico di Angelo.
They were fine like this. They didn’t need anything more complicating things.
So why did Nico have to break the illusion?
“Camp never changes much, does it?” Percy asked wistfully as Annabeth tried taming her hair a bit after the Grey Sisters ruffled it with their driving. “Always the same landscape.”
“I mean, three years ago there were a lot less cabins, Seaweed Brain, so…” Annabeth said in a somewhat mocking tone. “But yeah, it’s nice coming back one last time.”
Percy winced. He knew next year they would be off to college, and Annabeth had already planned everything to the last detail. She had already decided on her successor as cabin counselor, and for her, this summer was less about spending time with friends and finally having regular, normal fun at demigod camp as it was her leaving things in order so she could leave it behind.
“We’ll still visit sometimes,” he reminded her.
“Oh, sure,” she said dismissively. “But never as campers again. Summer is better spent visiting our parents now that we won’t see them most of the year… or maybe taking courses early! Can you imagine me being the youngest architect to—”
Percy sighed as his girlfriend continued to blab about all the future plans he had already heard dozens of times. He didn’t understand how Annabeth could be so excited for growing up and the future when it felt like they had barely had time to be children. This summer should be a last hurray, and not in a ‘dancing over the grave’ way.
“Nico would have loved that one,” he thought to himself, chuckling a little. Annabeth was so lost in her plans she didn’t even notice as they kept walking towards the Big House.
When they finally were close enough to see the front porch, Percy was glad to see the familiar sight of Mr. D and Chiron playing a game by the table. However, what he didn’t expect was to see a third figure with them, looking overly focused on the cards he held.
“Nico!” He shouted, excited, for a moment forgetting that Annabeth was still talking to him (or at him, as it were) and running so he could get close as the son of Hades’s head whipped in his direction in surprise.
He remembered at the last moment that Nico would not appreciate a public display of affection, so he awkwardly stopped suddenly a few inches away from the table, almost falling to the ground from the inertia.
“Hello, Percy,” Chiron greeted in his usual tone. “I’m glad to have you with us one more summer.”
“Glad to be here,” Percy said, giving him a quick smile before turning to Nico again. “So, how have you been?”
“Just a second,” Nico said as he placed down his cards, making Mr. D groan. The son of Hades took the chips on the table, smiling smugly. “It’s okay… a little empty but… you know how camp is in the off-season.”
“Why do I keep playing with a kid who stayed decades in a casino?!” Mr. D shouted as he threw his cards on the table.
“It’s that or keep playing the horseman with the same tells,” Nico shot back, making the god pout. “No offense.”
“None taken,” Chiron said, though his back leg did stomp in a suspicious way.
“Actually, I barely come to camp during off-season,” Percy said, bringing Nico’s attention back to him. “What do you even do with so few people?”
“Oh, well, you know, activities become more suggestions than an actual schedule,” he answered, shrugging a bit. “It’s mostly just looking for things to do and sneaking away to do stuff outside.”
“Which I don’t approve of,” Chiron butted in, though his tone made it obvious he had already given up on stopping him.
“So, you and Will,” Annabeth said, making Percy remember she was there. “How’s that going?”
Percy suppressed his urge to grimace. Of all things to ask Nico, why bring up the least important one?
“Well, he stayed with his mom after camp, so I didn’t see him that often,” he muttered, blushing a bit. Percy found the sight, if not the reason behind it, oddly endearing. “So, it’s just been calls and sending gifts and stuff.”
“Aw, that’s cute,” Annabeth gushed, making both of them raise an eyebrow. “We really need to get together and actually catch up for a bit.”
Percy and Nico glanced at each other, asking the same silent question.
“Since when does Annabeth care about those things?”
“Sure?” Nico said, bemused. “You’ll be here all summer, right? We’ll find the time.”
“Yeah, last full summer before heading to college,” she said wistfully. “So, let’s make the most of it.”
Percy stared at Nico, who just snorted a bit and nodded.
Something inside him ached, but he wasn’t sure why.
The following days, Percy caught himself staring at Nico more than once. Nico, who had been so bitter for so long, smiling and giving his dry remarks to the Apollo table during meals, or actively participating in camp activities.
Percy spent most of the day with the same schedule as Nico (it wasn’t that hard, they were both in single-camper cabins, so it was easy to set it up), and would just talk and joke with him for a while, feeling elated that the big barrier between them was finally coming down.
Annabeth, on the other hand, was a no-show. She was too busy mentoring Malcolm for his new role as cabin counselor, and then she wanted to make sure her cabin excelled in every event that year so she could leave behind a legacy, or something like that. Percy didn’t want to think this was a preview for the next four years of college, but… it was hard not to think like that.
“Hey, man,” Grover said as he sat down on the stands by the arena. Percy was resting a bit after defeating three Ares campers at once in a sparring match (it was far more educational than it sounded). “So, where’s Annabeth?”
There was a slight teasing tone in his voice and when he turned to him, his Satyr friend was wiggling his eyebrows in an honestly disturbing way.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, weirded out.
“Come on, Percy, you know our link lets me feel some of your emotions,” he said, giving him a playful shove. “You’ve been giving off infatuation vibes since you guys arrived.”
“Really? I… haven’t noticed,” he said distractedly, sneaking glances at Nico. He wondered if he saw him take on the Ares campers.
“See? There! You’re still doing it!” He said, grinning. “I think it’s nice you guys are still in that place two years on. Juniper and me? We’re kind of past that whole ‘swirl of passion’ already. Not that our current relationship isn’t good! I mean we—”
Percy covered Grover’s mouth, smiling at him.
“Breathe, G-man,” he said, laughing a bit. “Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s you that still feels it. I mean, I’ve barely seen Annabeth since summer started.”
That made Grover spring to attention, eyes wide as he took Percy’s hand away from his face.
“You haven’t?” He asked, worried. “But I swear I felt… Is… is there any trouble with you guys?”
“Huh? No, she’s just, you know, being Annabeth,” he said simply, staring at Nico as he parried a few times for the Apollo cabin. “Making some grand strategy for the rest of our lives.”
Will Solace clapped and got closer to Nico, giving him a peck on the cheek. Suddenly, Percy didn’t feel like looking anymore.
“Does it bother you?” Grover put his hand on his knee.
“Maybe a little,” he admitted, frowning a bit. “I just don’t… understand.”
“Yeah, I mean, you should also have a say in your own future,” he said sympathetically. “But as long as there’s love, you only need to communicate.”
“I think that ship has sailed, man,” he responded sadly.
“No, really,” he insisted. “I’m sure if you just told Annabeth, she’d understand.”
Percy blinked, turning to look at Grover.
Right, Annabeth, that’s what they were talking about.
“Yeah… you’re right.”
Percy felt like the scum of the Earth. Although to be fair, he wasn’t completely sure how much of it was him and how much Grover.
He had indeed tried to reconnect with Annabeth and her busy schedule, but it ended up in a huge fight. Annabeth said she was doing all of this for them, not just herself, so they could have the peaceful, happy life they always wanted, but Percy wanted to be part of it, every step, not just the end result.
Annabeth had taken it personally, she had said some things she probably hadn’t meant, and Percy said some things of his own he definitely hadn’t meant (okay, maybe he had, he just had said them in ways he hadn’t meant to). Now, their relationship was hanging on a thread, maybe even already dead, and to make matters worse, all of camp had been witness to it.
And he knew Annabeth. He knew how proud she could get. With all eyes on them, she wouldn’t back down, she wouldn’t allow anyone to ever think she was in the wrong.
So, his only chance to get things back on track would be to submit, to humiliate himself in public and take on the responsibility for their fight, or they wouldn’t get back together until camp ended.
If they got back together at all.
“Percy?”
He looked up. Nico was standing there, looking uncertain.
“Hey, Nico,” he said, trying to sound peppy, but knowing he failed miserably at it. “How are you doing?”
Nico grabbed his left arm over his jacket, looking awkward.
“I should be the one asking you that,” he said, wincing a bit before crossing the threshold into his cabin. Percy was suddenly very aware of what a mess it was. “Are you okay?”
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He said, laughing unconvincingly. Nico just stared at him. “I’ve been better, obviously but… you know, I messed up.”
“I… I don’t think you messed up, Percy,” he said carefully. “Wanting to have a say in what happens to you, what’s wrong with that?”
Percy groaned and hid his face in his hands. Now everyone in camp knew because of the shouting match. Even Nico, who was by no means a gossip, was aware of what his fight with Annabeth was about.
For a few seconds the son of Hades stayed quiet, and then he felt the bed dip a bit. He raised his head to look at Nico fidgeting a bit, not sure what to do with himself.
“I’m really sorry, Percy,” he said seriously. “You didn’t deserve to have it all out in the open like that.”
“Well, it was me who decided to have that talk right in the middle of the Mess Hall,” he said, trying to make light of it. “I should have known Annabeth was stressed, and that she’d take it as an attack, and in such a public place she’d have to— I’m making it sound worse, aren’t I?”
“You are,” he said quietly. “I may be way out of line saying this but, having to walk on eggshells around your partner… it doesn’t sound particularly healthy.”
Percy bit his lip. He knew Nico was right but… that was who they were, wasn’t it? Percy and Annabeth, the Seaweed Brain and the Wise Girl. He followed her plans, and they both made it out alive.
Why didn’t that feel like enough anymore?
“Maybe it isn’t,” he agreed. “But I… I love her, flaws and all, and I don’t want to hurt her.”
Nico finally seemed to decide on something, as his hands stopped fidgeting and he slung an arm over Percy’s shoulder in a half hug.
“Well, Percy, from where I’m standing, it feels like you are getting hurt, too,” he told him. “And that’s not fair, to either of you.”
Percy felt his cheeks heat up and his heartbeat increase, even as his eyes welled up with tears.
“S-sorry, it’s just…” he shifted his body a bit so he could hide his face on Nico’s shoulder.
Nico tensed for a second, but then hugged him completely, letting him cry.
“It’s okay,” he said softly, circling his back. “Just let it all out.”
And Percy did. He cried and sobbed for almost half an hour against Nico, letting his tears wash away at the guilt, the shame, and the pain of the whole thing.
And once he had let go of all that, a feeling remained inside him. Just this warm, almost painful reassurance of having Nico close to him, of them holding each other.
“Infatuation,” Grover’s voice seemed to say in his head. “Swirl of passion.”
Oh.
Oh no.
Percy spent the next week holed up in his cabin, trying desperately to go back to before he realized what he felt for Nico.
Thankfully, most people chalked up his absence to his very public fight with Annabeth, so no one had tried to bother him too much. Grover, in his guilt, brought him food, and told him how his efforts to fix things with Annabeth were going, and Nico…
“I brought some cards, if you want to play,” he offered.
“I only know how to play Old Maid,” he mumbled against his pillow.
“That’s good enough,” Nico said with a smile. “If it was pinochle, I might have screamed.”
Percy made a sound that might pass as a chuckle and sat up.
He knew this wasn’t good. He was crushing on Nico di Angelo, yet here he was, allowing him to get close, to play games with him, using his recent fight as an excuse to keep him around.
Not that being on bad terms with Annabeth wasn’t heartbreaking but… the more he talked to Nico, the more he realized that he and Annabeth didn’t really… need each other that much. They stayed together because that’s what had kept them alive before. It was easy, it was comfortable… but it wasn’t happy.
Nico smirked as Percy took the joker from his hand, and Percy’s heart fluttered.
“So, I was thinking,” Percy said, his mouth running faster than his head, as usual. “Since you sneak out so often, do you think we could get out of here and go to a movie or something?”
Nico blinked in bemusement before flushing. He was so distracted he took the joker back, even though Percy hadn’t even bothered to shuffle it.
“Um, sure,” he said. “If it makes you feel better, we three could go.”
“Three?” Percy asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Uh, yeah, you, me, and Will,” he said quickly. Percy felt as if a rock fell all the way from Olympus directly into his stomach. “Us two, you know, it would be strange.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, trying to not sound gloomy. “How’s that going, by the way?”
He expected the son of Hades to perk up at the opportunity to talk about his boyfriend, but he just looked more uncomfortable.
“Oh, you know, he’s great,” he said noncommittally. “We’re different in so many ways, but that’s what makes us a good pair, I think.”
Percy gave him an unimpressed look.
“Wow, I can just feel the passion all the way over here,” he snarked, making Nico frown.
“Well, we’re not that kind of couple,” he said, huffing a bit. “We’re more mature, and once summer ends, I’ll be staying with him and his mom!”
Percy was getting pretty good at repressing his jerk reactions to anything Will related, but even that comment made him almost retch in disgust and anxiety.
“That’s almost like living together,” he pointed out. “You guys are barely going out.”
“I asked him out a year ago,” he said, crossing his arms.
“And you’ve only been a real couple for like a month,” he insisted. “Nico, you may be moving too fast.”
“Oh, please, enlighten me,” he bit back angrily. “What is your wisdom, guy who decided to live the rest of his days with a girlfriend who dumped him over wanting independence?”
“Exactly that!” Percy exclaimed, annoyance building up. “I never stopped to think. Maybe giving up everything I do and am to my first girlfriend may be a bad idea. Maybe I’m just scared of being alone and feel like it’s Annabeth or nothing. Maybe she’s a crutch to keep me in denial!”
“Are you insinuating that I’m not actually with Will because I like him?” Nico asked, eyes flaring. “Are you really so conceited that you think I—”
“I’m actually talking about me!” He shouted, making Nico blink. “I’m saying Will could be all that to you, just like Annabeth was to me!”
“Percy… what…”
“I’ll always love Annabeth,” he said it quietly, almost to himself. “But that feeling of needing to be by her side, of wanting to kiss her… it’s not there anymore… it has been fading ever since the fighting stopped.”
Maybe even earlier, maybe even from when she made him feel so guilty over what he did to Akhlys, or when she blamed him for getting kidnapped or… when he heard that confession that he had been so desperate to believe didn’t change anything.
“I have a crush on you, Nico,” he said, even though he felt it was so much more. “I’m sorry.”
When he looked up, Nico was gone, fleeing to the nearest shadow.
The rest of summer passed by in a blur.
Despite Annabeth giving him many openings to apologize, he never did, and that only made her madder, to the point of ‘officially’ breaking up with him a week before camp ended. Percy had only said he hoped they could eventually be friends again, which didn’t help matters.
He was far more hurt over Nico ignoring him. Percy had found himself seeking him out every time they all were eating, or happened to have the same activity, but Nico pretended he didn’t even exist, either glued to Will Solace’s side or rushing to the next place, until one day, he just stopped showing up.
He tried to talk to Will about it, but the son of Apollo just grumpily told him it wasn’t his place to say anything. Percy was worried that he had made Nico run away again. He had just wanted to do as Nico had done, get it out, find closure for his newfound feelings, and he had hurt the person he had promised himself to never hurt again.
He sighed as he finished making his bed and hiding the mess under his bed for Cabin inspection. While he didn’t have any hopes of winning, he didn’t want to be dead last.
There was a knock on the door, making him rush to hide the last unwashed clothes behind his saltwater fountain so everything would be at least presentable for whoever was in charge of the inspection (and he just wished it wasn’t Annabeth).
When he opened the door, however, it was to see a furious looking Nico di Angelo.
“I’m not staying with Will after camp,” he announced as he walked past him.
Percy blinked.
“I see,” was all he could muster before Nico turned and glared straight at him.
“No, you don’t,” he said venomously. “This is all your fault, Perseus Jackson.”
With his angry voice and the full name thing, Percy felt like he was twelve again, facing Nico’s father in the Underworld.
“How is it my fault?” He asked, offended. “You never listen to what I say, how could I have known you would take my advice about that?”
“How dare you?” He hissed his question. “After everything I’ve been through, after all the time it took for me to move on… how dare you say you have a crush on me now?”
Now, while others would cower at Nico’s glare and voice, it only incensed Percy, who puffed up his chest and took a step towards him.
“I could ask you the same, you know?” He said back. “If you were over it, why tell me? Why make me feel all these things and then say it’s in the past? What was the point of all that?”
“I wanted to stop hurting, Percy!” He exclaimed, raising his arms. “I wanted to finally be honest and move on!”
“Well, so did I!” He crossed his arms. “Why is Nico di Angelo the only one allowed to have feelings? Should I have suffered in silence until I was over it?”
“Yes!” He shouted, exasperated. “That’s what I did, Percy! Because I knew nothing would come out of this, and you knew it too!”
“Maybe, but I’m not like you!” This was quickly turning into a shouting match, but something in Percy felt free, like he was finally letting it all out, like he and Nico were finally in the same wavelength. “I needed to tell you, or else I would have exploded!”
“Oh, please!” Nico said. “I held it in for three years! You barely lasted a week after you fought with Annabeth! What did you even expect to come out of this?”
“Nothing!” He screamed, heaving. Nico stared at him as he sighed, sadness overtaking him. “I knew, okay? I knew all along nothing would come out of this. That it was too late, that I never stood a chance. I just… I don’t know, I wanted… forget it.”
“I can’t,” Nico said, still angry, but no longer shouting. “I couldn’t just move past it. I couldn’t even look at Will without feeling guilt for thinking about it… I guess that’s the issue, isn’t it? Percy Jackson keeps coming in and ruining my life.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again, genuine. “I’m sorry I keep messing things up for you, but I… I can’t say I regret feeling this way.”
“Percy…”
“I… I’ll get over it, I swear,” he said desperately. “So, don’t worry about me, and do what makes you happy… that’s all I ever wanted for you, even before all these feelings thing.”
Silence spread across the cabin, and if Percy wasn’t looking straight at Nico’s glaring face, he’d have thought he ran away again. Instead of doing that, the son of Hades just took a few strides towards him.
“Then I’ll do just that,” he declared, grabbing the hem of his shirt and making him slump so they were eye level with each other.
Percy closed his eyes, expecting to be punched, only to feel a cool pair of lips brushing against his.
His eyes widened in surprise as Nico’s face filled his field of vision, and even more when he realized he was unconsciously kissing back.
A second or so later, he relaxed, letting his eyes close again to better enjoy the feeling of Nico.
A cough made them both turn. A very unimpressed Clarisse was leaning against the cabin’s open door, clipboard in hand and one of her siblings, a boy about 12 or so, peeking behind her.
“Um, Cabin Inspection?” He asked timidly, making Percy snort and Nico turn away in embarrassment and shame.
Gossip in Camp Half-Blood spreads like wildfire. Percy knew that quite well, having been the protagonist of a few rumors himself.
He knew Clarisse, despite all her flaws, was above it, so he could only pin the blame on her younger brother for the current hot topic of ‘Nico di Angelo is cheating on his boyfriend with Percy Jackson.’
A rumor that started a chain reaction during the last week of Camp Half-Blood that included a rather nasty break up between Will and Nico (and another rumor of whether or not Percy had broken his nose when his insults got to be too much for the son of Hades), Annabeth leaving camp early, and many intrigued children of Aphrodite, Hermes, and Demeter trying to pry for details, mainly so they could settle bets.
It was at times like these that he wished Jason wasn’t so busy with his duties as Pontifex Maximus so he could help him get the heat off Nico, who had taken to hiding in his cabin, just as Percy had earlier that summer.
“It’s… not that bad,” Percy said, still hesitant to touch Nico, who was looking down at the bed.
“Not that bad? Aphrodite cabin wants this year’s bead to represent this whole thing,” he said, though there was no heat in his words, no energy. “If I wasn’t a pariah before, I am now.”
Percy looked at him, pondering.
“Remember when you were a kid, and I said you’d be better staying at camp?” He asked, waiting for Nico to nod. “I admit I was wrong back then. I just wanted you to be safe, and camp seemed like the only option.”
“What’s your point, Percy?”
“You never needed camp. In fact, during the wars, it’s more accurate to say camp needed you,” he pointed out. He grabbed his chin gently, making him look up. “If camp is an obligation, not a home, you shouldn’t stay here.”
He gave him a peck on the lips to reassure him. To be honest, he still didn’t know what they were, and he was a bit scared to ask, but he knew he’d do and be whatever Nico asked of him.
“Where would I go?”
“There’s always options,” he said. “You could rent an apartment, buy a trailer, or stay in New Rome! Anywhere you felt comfortable.”
“I do have family there,” he said, smirking a bit. “What about you, though? Are you still planning on going to college there?”
“I got in, didn’t I?” Percy shrugged. College life wasn’t that appealing to him, really, but… “After all I had to go through to get in, I should still attend a semester.”
Nico nodded.
“Then New Rome it is,” he decided. “At least for a semester.”
Percy smiled at that.
“Really?”
“You told me I needed to be happy and, despite all this, I think I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you, Percy,” he said a little shyly. “I… I was mad, and unfair to you, because I was scared that I wasn’t as over you as I thought.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you aren’t.”
They kissed again, properly this time.
Neither could live in denial anymore, and Percy guessed that was a good thing. Life wouldn’t get any easier, though, but that was just fine.
They weren’t facing it alone anymore.