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Being a phantom thief is tough work, and it doesn’t pay well. If you asked Dice, the nefarious thief currently plaguing Japan’s upper class, he’d tell you it’s a full-time gig. The reality is it’s more like something he does maybe a fourth, a half of the time. The rest of his time is spent working a really irritating job as a cafe barista, so suffice to say he really enjoys his days off. Getting to spend time with his friends is great, but getting to bum around the city is even better, so Dice, or really the man behind the mask, Ouma Kokichi, is having a pretty great day already.
The sun is out. How often is the sun out? The birds are singing too, and there aren’t any clouds in the sky, and Kokichi’s listening to some music he likes. He has his next heist planned for exactly three weeks from now, and he’s pretty excited about it. He’s been laying out hints about what he’s going to steal for his beloved detective for the better part of a month now, and while that part of the process is fun, there’s a sort of satisfaction you get from seeing something you’ve been building up to for a long time come to fruition. It’s totally unmatched. Kokichi really can’t wait.
Speaking of Detective Saihara—well. Maybe that’s the worst part of days off, not getting to see him. Kokichi’s always kind of fantasised about having some attractive young detective chase him obsessively, so it was only natural that he would develop some kind of crush on the man, but he’s worried he’s getting in a little over his head. At the same time, he can’t really bring himself to care. Saihara is bright and observant, the only detective who has consistently caught on to every single one of Kokichi’s cues—
And he’s handsome, too. Did Kokichi mention he’s handsome? Dark hair, bright eyes, this dorky hat he’s always wearing that makes him look like a real detective—not that he isn’t one, but some of the previous detectives assigned to his case haven’t really looked the part, it’s disappointing—man, just thinking about the guy is distracting Kokichi from his amazing walk. It’s enough to make him start to think he’s seeing Saihara places, like that man across the street is wearing an awfully similar cap, funny how people show up just when you’re starting to—
Wait, wait actually. Kokichi narrows his eyes, then quickly scans the traffic before bolting across the street. Upon closer examination, that— is Detective Saihara. Not just a random man with black hair who happens to bear a passing resemblance and a similar hat, but like, that is actually Saihara Shuichi. Long lashes, pretty lips, everything. That’s literally just him.
Kokichi slows to a stop, somewhat aghast.
So, there are… a few ways he could go about this. He could turn around and leave, which would be the normal reaction to a situation like this. Saihara is, after all, the only detective who has stuck around this long, which means he has an above-average level of commitment to piecing together who Kokichi actually is. Interacting with him in his civilian form is risky. Like, capital R type risky. The kind of risk that Kokichi really can’t afford to be taking, seeing as he’s not just stealing for fun or to be flirting with all the cute detectives who come by—he also has a mission here. A moral incentive, if you will. It’s pretty important.
On the other hand… well, Saihara is a cute detective, is the thing, and Kokichi does like flirting with him. The man looks deep in thought even as he’s walking, carrying a coffee cup in one hand and his cell phone in the other, and his brows are furrowed like he’s thinking about something incredibly troublesome. It’s legit. He’s cute. It’s kind of like offering complementary pizza to a teenager. Like, yes, you can on some level expect them to refuse if they shouldn’t be eating pizza right now—but also? The pizza is tempting. The pizza is really tempting.
Kokichi’s losing track of this metaphor. The point is, his feet are moving before he can tell them not to, taking him over to the most intelligent rival he’s ever had and planting his ass right in front of him on the sidewalk. It occurs to Kokichi to try and disguise his voice, hide his face, do anything to hide the similarities that Saihara will later notice about him in three weeks when he pulls off his next heist, but then his mouth is opening and his regular-ass voice is coming out.
“Hi there! You look smart, can you help me with something?”
Saihara blinks, stopping short. He looks around, as if Kokichi could have possibly been talking to someone else, then slowly settles his gaze back on Kokichi. His cheeks pink. They have a tendency to do that, it’s cute, he’s pale so he flushes easily, let’s move on.
“Um… me?”
“No, the man behind you,” Kokichi says, just to cackle as Saihara glances over his shoulder. It earns him a huff and a pout, which are both cute, but Kokichi’s not particularly here to antagonise him—although he’d enjoy doing that too—so he quickly clears his throat and refocuses. “Yes, you! You’re wearing a super sophisticated hat and everything, which means you must be smart! So can you help me?”
Saihara’s hand drifts up towards his hat. “Ah… I guess that depends on what you need help with?” He glances away, that flush spreading towards his ears. Kokichi tries not to stare, or else let on how flattering he thinks that makes Saihara’s face looks. It’s unfortunate for him, Saihara is kind of like a kitten or another similarly endearing animal, in that his signs of distress just end up making him look cuter. The tragedy of being attractive. “What happened?”
“Well, I lost something really important to me, and I need help finding it,” Kokichi says. “You’ll help me, won’t you?”
“What did you lose?”
“Secret! C’mon!” Kokichi latches onto Saihara’s arm and drags him along down the sidewalk. On some level, he’s aware that this is extremely sketchy, that Saihara would be well within his rights to thwap him on the head and disappear down the sidewalk, but Saihara doesn’t do so. This might even speak to the detective’s lack of survival instincts, because he barely protests at all, simply falling into step next to Kokichi with this sort of flabbergasted look on his face.
If you think about it, though, it sort of makes sense. Not that Saihara is stupid, but Kokichi catches that glimmer in his eye, the one that means he’s found a mystery that he likes. Kokichi’s secret missing item must have compelled him, no matter how no-nonsense-serious Saihara likes to pretend whenever chasing Kokichi around on missions.
Kokichi has to suppress his giggles, if only because Saihara might really be able to recognise him by them. This is going to be a lot of fun.
They make their way to Kokichi’s usual alleyway, where he still has a bag of spray paints stowed away. Saihara doesn’t protest even as Kokichi ducks behind a dumpster for his stash, grinning victoriously as he comes up with the bag slung over his shoulders. Beckoning the detective along, Kokichi makes his way over to his favourite stretch of wall, digging around in the bag for his can of bright purple. It’s his preferred colour, and the one he uses to dye his hair. That is, the colour, not the spray paint.
“Um, so…” Saihara trails off. “What about this is going to help you look for whatever it was you lost?”
“Huh? Oh, that was a lie.” Despite his earlier resolution, Kokichi can’t help but giggle, especially when Saihara’s eyes seem to double in size. “I just thought you were cute and wanted you to hang out with me. Did it work? You seem like the type who likes a good mystery.”
“I—cute?” Saihara sputters, the earlier blush on his face returning tenfold. “L-Listen, you’re lucky I didn’t have work today, I thought what you took me for was important, I didn’t—”
“You’re freeee to leave if you really have somewhere special to be!” Kokichi singsongs. “I just wanted some company, it’s been so, so lonely being all on my own since the accident…” He sniffles, willing tears into his eyes and turning away, letting his profile face Saihara so the other man can see his lower lip wobbling. “When pretty much everyone I know was…”
“A-Ah, hey, I didn’t—” Saihara starts forward. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“But of course, that was just another lie!” Kokichi comes back up beaming the moment before Saihara’s hand can touch his shoulder. It’s sort of a shame, because he would’ve liked the contact, but it’s worth it to watch the way Saihara’s cheeks flush darker with indignation. He groans, but there’s something good-natured about the way he tosses his head back and rolls his eyes, coming to rest with his hands folded.
Saihara seethes, “I see you’re a bit of a prankster. Are you really going to spray paint the wall here?”
“Depends, are you gonna report me?”
“I…” Saihara’s lips press together. “Well… I suppose it depends on what you’re going to draw?”
That’s such a wonderful, interesting answer, Kokichi has to turn away so Saihara won’t see him grin. He bounces forward onto his heels and flicks the cap off his spray paint bottle, beginning to paint the wall. He does gesture Saihara backwards so he won’t breathe in all the fumes, though, beginning to form the shape of a large kitty on the wall. It’s easy to make even using the spray paint, and familiar since Kokichi’s been drawing it for almost as long as he’s been alive. He does have to concentrate a bit on his task here, but he sneaks glances at Saihara’s face every so often, feeling his lip twitch whenever he sees the detective’s eyes following his movements with interest.
“...It’s a cat?” Saihara eventually asks.
“Could be a dog too, I did the ears kinda bad,” Kokichi admits.
Saihara lets out a quiet laugh, then covers his mouth, like he’s embarrassed he found that funny. “Well, I think it’s cute,” he offers. Kokichi doesn’t bother trying to suppress his grin this time, thrusting the bottle into Saihara’s hands.
“You give it a try, then!”
“A-Ah, no, um, I can’t,” Saihara’s ears tip with red, “I would like to, but my job, I could get fired if I got caught doing something like this…”
Kokichi hadn’t been expecting the answer to be a yes, for that reason specifically, but he likes both that Saihara says he’d like to and that he says the exact reason why. That’s one of the things that Kokichi has always really enjoyed about Saihara. He’ll lie when he has to, but he’s not a liar. When it comes down to it, he’s just a fundamentally honest person. It makes him interesting, but it also makes him refreshing. When he condemns Kokichi’s dishonesty, he’s not being hypocritical; he’s genuinely coming from a place of having a different moral stance on the matter.
“O-kay!” Kokichi singsongs. He puts the bottle away and stows his bag back in its hiding place. “Then let’s go somewhere else fun!”
Saihara raises his eyebrow, but allows Kokichi to drag him to the next location. Given his cooperation thus far, Kokichi thinks he probably would have just followed without having to be manhandled, but the touch makes Kokichi so giddy that he isn’t even willing to try and test it, as fun as it would be to see Shuichi fall into step next to him.
Kokichi takes them to a little ice cream parlour just a few blocks away from the alleyway, pushing open the door and leading the way inside. He turns to Saihara with a big, sharp grin, splaying his arms out to gesture to the interior of the shop.
“Are you gonna treat me, my new beloved?”
Saihara’s got an eyebrow raised again. “Is that why you brought me here, to have me spend money on you?”
“I told you about the accident where I lost everyone I knew earlier, right? I didn’t make that part up in my mind?”
Saihara lets out a sigh. “Yes, the fabricated accident,” but he tugs his wallet out of his pocket nonetheless, which only makes Kokichi laugh more. He feels a little crazy—maybe because he’s been laughing so much. Saihara has incredible resolve out in the field, will step it to every single one of Kokichi’s challenges, but somehow he’s become an absolute wet blanket of a man today, and Kokichi is enjoying it immensely. He wouldn’t have thought that he would—he’s never been into that type of person before—but maybe that just speaks to how terribly down bad he is for this man. Even the wet blanketisms are only more appealing.
Still, since he’s buying, Kokichi orders himself a scoop of cotton candy, then thoughtfully orders a cup of coffee-flavoured ice cream too. This earns him a sceptical look for Saihara, who nonetheless pays for both and follows Kokichi away from the pickup counter.
Kokichi hands the coffee ice cream to Saihara. “Here. You seem like the type who’d like coffee.”
“I do, but even coffee ice cream is a bit sweet for me,” Saihara admits. Apparently not the type to waste food, he picks up his spoon and takes a bite anyway, tilting his head thoughtfully. Kokichi, who already knows he likes cotton candy flavour, puts considerably less thought into his tasting, although he savours the tongueful he gets anyway as he watches Saihara process.
Eventually, the detective lets out a hum and nods.
“Alright, this is good. Though more than one scoop would probably still be too much…”
“That’s kinda how it is with ice cream.” No it’s not. Kokichi has a tendency to eat so much ice cream he gives himself a stomachache, but Saihara doesn’t need to know that yet. At least not in as many words. He could probably honestly guess as much if he wanted to.
The two of them find a little table in the corner, sitting across from each other. Saihara sits normally, but Kokichi swings his legs until he can hook his ankles around Saihara’s. It gets him another dramatic eyebrow raise, but it’s followed by a slightly entertained exhalation of breath, and then Saihara allows it. He really is so tolerant, wet blanket almost doesn’t feel applicable. Maybe he has younger siblings? No, he definitely is an only child from the way he keeps buying Kokichi’s lies. Besides, Kokichi wouldn’t want to be equated to a little sibling regardless…
“What really is your game?” Saihara asks, and leans forward slightly. “You can’t have just approached me because I’m cute, can you?”
“What do you think?” Kokichi responds, leaning forward in kind. “I wanna know your theory! Since you’re so smart and all.”
Saihara’s cheeks puff out, but he weighs his words before he answers, his head tilted. “...I think that you have some kind of ulterior motive for approaching me, but you weren’t being entirely insincere. I… have to hope for your own sake that you weren’t hoping for something serious to come out of this, because I… weirdly enough, you remind me a lot of them, but… I’m already spoken for.”
Okay. Kokichi leans back, taking a moment to unpack all of that. It’s impressive that Saihara has been able to read him so accurately; so many people are straight up unable to figure out where Kokichi is coming from no matter how obvious he makes things for them. The fact that he does have an ulterior motive that also happens to be his preexisting crush is a kind of subtle motivation that Kokichi wouldn’t have expected Saihara to pick up on, but then, the man is a detective, after all. Maybe Kokichi ought to give him a bit of credit, maybe it isn’t all that surprising.
What’s really worth further consideration is the second thing Saihara said. He’s already spoken for? Yeowch. So Kokichi’s little love plots were doomed from the start, unless…
…Well, Saihara did say… Kokichi reminds him of them, which could mean that Saihara is in love with a very assertive person who tends to drag him around into things—maybe not out of character for him— or it could mean…
This is a very, very dangerous line of thought, because it makes Kokichi feel so giddy he could almost be sick. He finishes off his ice cream and crunches on the cone, pondering how he wants to proceed from here. He could leave, obviously, and take his chances the next time they see each other—but that’s such a boring answer. What he really wants to do is—well, it’s risky, it’s reckless, Queen absolutely would not approve…
But what’s life without a bit of risk? Kokichi’s already taking a risk by being here, isn’t he? He digs in his pocket for one of the cards he’s always carrying around, pressing against it with his thumb.
“Really? That’s too bad. I guess I’ll have to set my sights elsewhere… but I might wanna give you something first.”
“Ah?” Saihara lowers his spoon. “And what was that?”
Without a word, Kokichi gets to his feet, sliding the card across the table to the detective and turning to leave. He makes it all the way to the door when he hears Saihara suddenly stand up, his seat scraping against the tile floor.
“W-Wait! Wait!” Saihara’s voice has pitched up with urgency, with that serious undertone he always takes when he’s confronting Kokichi on the field. “You’re—”
“Mhm?” Kokichi lingers at the door, glancing back over his shoulder to catch the flushed indignation on his beloved detective’s face. It’s pretty, but what’s prettier is how bright Saihara’s eyes have become, the realisation seeming to light up his whole expression. They call that a bullseye, in the business. “I can’t wait around on you for too long, Detective. Important business to get to, you know.”
“I just—just a moment, then, please,” Saihara exhales. “What did you steal? Why did you…?” He holds up the card, his hand shaking slightly, and because Kokichi likes him so, so much, he decides to take pity on him.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Kokichi lets out a giggle and elbows the door open. “I stole your heart, silly! I’ll see you in three weeks, beloved~!”
Saihara’s hand drops as Kokichi edges backwards out onto the sidewalk. He looks aghast, but if Kokichi isn’t mistaken, there’s a bit of a smile on his face too—so Kokichi decides to leave him with one more note.
“By the way, Saihara-chan?”
“Ah—yes?” Saihara’s eyes dart up to him. “What is it?”
“My name is Kokichi.” Kokichi shoots him a big, beaming grin. “You didn’t ask.”