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Jack Twist slept on the couch.
Lureen's chest fell heavy, and she took the quilt down. Jack’s baby blues analyzed her, and she curled up alone again as he posed himself against the arm of the couch. The only sound was the gentle roar of stale air and his expectations. This rendezvous reared its head fast after his averse companion’s divorce– The stress of unnavigated loneliness was the perfect background for night terrors.
It was clockwork by now. Ennis fighting with the blanket, eyes hazy, rolling to fight the tears. He’d stomp on his boots and grab his head for the principle of the thing; Ennis was much for routine. He’d stalk the sidewalk, hugging the shabby bricks of closed stores, seeking out glass security. His beer-stained tank would scrunch up his body when he slumped down. His cowboy hat sheltered his waterworks from peeping eyes. Streaks of headlights passed him by, and he would scrunch closer into himself.
Ennis’s eyes squeezed, but every time he was sunk into darkness, he was assaulted with the memory of the slowly rotting corpse his dad showed off with a lingering joy. It was a tragedy only the damned mourned. Every night, he vividly saw Jack in the ditch, and every night, he felt compelled to call and check that he had safely returned home.
Ennis’s shaking hands would fumble with what little coin he held in his pajama pants. Franklin D. Roosevelt’s encrusted face peered at him, and he slammed it into the slot before he submitted to the shame. It jostled around the machine. A beep jumpstarted his heart. He had heard it so many times, the sound living in his dreams. The dial tone was quick to comfort. Muscle memory took hold but gave him more time to listen to the apprehension whispering to him.
The handset hugged his stubbled jawline. The waiting beep taunted him. His ankle wrapped over the other. The tip of his worn-out boot bounced in sync with the pulsing rhythm in his ears.
Click
“Same nightmare?” came from the other end of the receiver.
There was nothing but the sound of leather sliding up and down his messy blonde locks.
“Yeah?”
The confirmation arrived with the same sound.
“Yeah,” He repeated. “Poor lamb. It torments you like it’s their nine to five..” Jack’s head leaned forward, lips grazing the phone, and wishing, like always, it was Ennis’s. Ennis huffed through the line. Shivers rolled down the brunette’s spine, the dim light of the room casting long shadows. If he closed his eyes for long enough, he could imagine his secret lover was next to him, the warmth of a shared bed enveloping them, with him snuggling into Jack’s side, breathing delicately.
The sentiment was not shared between the two boys. Right now, all Ennis needed was Jack to calm him down so he could return to the sanctuary of his run-down trailer home. He’d forget the night prior. He’d pretend the call logs didn’t paint a desperate mischaracterization of him.
Jack mumbled, too tired to filter himself, “You know how much these calls break me. I want to take care of you properly. I ain’t a poet, but Goddamn it, I know how to tuck in a man.”
A choked whine twitched his lips into a frown.
“I know, Lamb. You miss me too.” Jack was well acquainted with Ennis going nonverbal. He didn’t talk much when he was big; it was a different story when a trembling baby was behind his pupils.
Jack swirled the coiled cord around his index. He eyed the open door of his bedroom. “Dada has been lonely without you. ‘Magine, how fast these night frights would disappear if I held you at night.”
He backtracked faster after a wail peaked the audio. Jack saw comfort in living together, and all Ennis could find was another body in a pit. Reassuring Ennis was like stalking a bunny in the woods; the most minor *crack* and he was back to chasing.
He let his aggravation fall before speaking again, “Us in the tent again… warm August air…” He looked at the ceiling and sighed. “Only us. Only Dada and his perfect lamb… in harmony with the world. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”
Nothing, as if Ennis had stopped breathing altogether.
He brought himself to grin. “Even found this nice stuffed horse when shopping with my wife-”
The peace faltered fast with shaky sobs.
“-....With Lureen. It was brown with white spots. Next time I see you, I’ll give it to you.”
Jack looked out to the street. Ennis did the same. They were looking for each other through miles of streetlights and architecture. The wet flick of Jack’s tongue to his dry lips echoed through the phone booth. His head frantically swiveled. No one was out this late in a town this small, but Ennis was nothing if not paranoid. He couldn’t understand how he ducked at the swing of doors, but Jack could ramble with his wife in the other room.
He thought Jack was foolish for being so persistent in his love for him.
“Da..da..?” He slammed his heel into the wall as the terror ran its course through his body. He felt disgusted but too needy to stop himself. His head hung low. Rivers of tears flowed past the plastic held to his face.
“Yes, Lamb?” Jack was grinning. Getting Ennis to speak when regressed was a task. He worked himself up so much and couldn’t push past even a murmur.
All Ennis wanted was Jack. He wanted him to know this. Jack caught on fast. He drummed his dull fingernails into the chunky cream phone.
“Dada loves you, y’know that. I enjoy these calls. I like hearing your voice every night.”
All Ennis could do was babble an agreement.
“Do you think humming to you would help? ‘Know that’s what your mama used to do.”
Jack sprawled himself on the couch. He was exhausted, hardly hanging on to consciousness, but had his priorities on Ennis. That’s how it always went.
He didn’t hear a response. He could sense it, though, so his lips pursed together and pushed out the notes to the melody Ennis graced him with on Brokeback. It wasn’t a long segment. Hell, he got half of the notes wrong, but what mattered was the calming huffs from the other male keeping pace. Ennis yawned. He tried to distract from it with a whimper.
But Jack knew, “Now dada thinks you should *try* and get some sleep. You’re so deprived of it; I can hear your eyebags hit the floor when you blink.”
The sweetest giggle fluttered Jack’s heart, leaving a remnant in his stomach. “‘Want you to get real comfy. You still got that plushie I got you last time-” He snickered into his hand- “When you shooed me away ‘cuz of the girls?” He heard the ruffle of hair. He assumed the best, “Good. When you get back home, I want you to hold that. Hold it *reaaaaaaaal* close to your heart.”
Ennis whimpered. He was too scared to go back to sleep again, but Jack kept demanding it and making requests. He sucked at the joint of his pointer. It calmed him down, having something to mouth on. If Jack were here, he’d chew on his fingers instead.
“-Even get yourself some warm milk. Now Dada has to go. I loved talking to you again. I’ll stay by the phone, in case you need him. I can’t abandon my sweetest lamb.”
Jack pressed his lips to the transmitter. He peppered it with kisses. The plastic, warm from his face, was nothing like the perfection of Ennis’s skin. Ennis cupped his mouth and turned his back to the road. He hunched forward like he was hiding something and returned the kisses. Ennis slammed the phone back onto the metal prods and walked back home. The shame followed close behind him. He hated that he required that comfort every night to slip into a dreamless ecstasy.
Jack fell asleep on the couch, like the countless nights before.