Chapter Text
Things started inconspicuously enough. It can probably be traced back to the first time Akane ragged on him for his outfit, telling him his patterned hoodies were childish. It was clearly intended to be an insult meant to get Teru to buy more “sensible” casual wear, but to no one’s surprise, he did the exact opposite of what his boyfriend wanted and bought even more offensively bright graphic hoodies. Akane thought nothing of it, only pinching the bridge of his nose and muttering something about how he should have known he’d be a smartass and act out of spite.
It’s not like his assessment was totally wrong. It is rather fun to watch how riled up he gets when Teru acts needlessly difficult. Even so, he just likes the clothes, and part of his stubbornness was completely genuine rather than solely to bother his boyfriend. He’s acutely aware of how gaudy his preferred fashion is – he knows that part of the reason Akane teased him in the first place was to make sure he doesn’t go out in public looking like he just raided a ten-year-old’s closet.
But Teru isn’t self conscious enough to care about that. He’s only embarrassed about the other thing.
Squeezed between his arms and his chest is a fairly worn, well-loved stuffed lion. It was never his – he helped his mother pick it out back when Kou was still figuring out the whole walking and talking thing. The day he handed the toy to his starry-eyed baby brother was the last time he held it, until now.
If time were turned back, Kou might have thrown a fit about his prized stuffed animal being stolen. But he’s since outgrown sleeping with it, opting to display it on a shelf next to some of his other possessions. That means borrowing it is fair game, right? It’s not like he’s stealing it… He’ll give it back before Kou gets home.
But for now, he’ll happily cling onto the remnant of a childhood that was never his.
Teru didn’t give the toy back.
Can you blame him? It’s so soft and plush, and it makes him feel… safe? He’s starting to understand why Kou was inseparable from this thing for so long, and he’s failing to understand why he ever stopped playing with it. Whatever the case, his lack of need for the little guy worked in Teru’s favor, because Kou didn’t even realize it was gone when he got home from his sleepover. That meant Teru could sleep with it!
Eventually one night turned into two, two nights turned into three, and three nights turned into a full week’s worth of blissful slumber with his new little buddy. Nothing can make up for the sleepless nights he has when he’s out on patrol, but he finds the little lion helps him sleep soundly through the few hours he does get in.
Does he feel a little weird about it? Maybe. There’s that little voice that’s always in the back of his head telling him that the prodigy heir of a renowned exorcist clan has no business snuggling his brother’s childhood stuffed animal, and maybe it’s right, but he ultimately feels way too comfortable with this thing to cave in to his normal spiral of “I need to be the perfect son” thoughts. That’s progress, right? Akane and Aoi would be so proud of him.
…Too bad they’ll never hear about it.
His partners (technically only Akane is his partner, but he and Aoi agree it’s easier to refer to each other that way) know a fair amount about Teru’s life and struggles, much more than he thought anyone in the world ever would. They’ve seen his scars, they’ve seen the rather sharp canines of his that he’s terribly embarrassed of, and they’ve seen his tears – the first people to see them in years and years. In other words, they’ve seen pretty much everything Teru tries to conceal. It should be impossible to embarrass himself by this point. Not to mention, the others have admitted to having their own share of painfully shameful hobbies and habits that make his new sleepover companion seem like nothing.
But it isn’t nothing. Even if he’s (mostly) made peace with how pathetic it is, it’s not like he wants two of his favorite people to know that their generally mature and capable boyfriend can no longer sleep without some toy.
“Do you know what happened to Shishi?”
Kou’s a nice kid, but he’s sometimes a bit forgetful when it comes to politeness. In particular, he completely neglects to knock on either of his siblings’ doors before swinging it open and getting straight to whatever’s on his mind. Not that Teru’s ever minded in the past, he’s never up to anything nearly as scandalous as some other people his age, and getting to see his dear brother at all, even if he doesn’t fully understand privacy, is always a treat.
It’s usually a treat.
(Right now it’s not a treat.)
Teru has managed to get away with toy-napping the lion ( Shishi , apparently. How sweet.) for nearly a month now, and he was beginning to think Kou completely forgot about it. So much so that he reserves a spot for him on his bed and even talks to him before going to sleep. It’s all hopelessly childish, but his saving grace had been that, at least this is reserved for him and nobody else needs to know.
But now Kou’s looking at him funny, clearly puzzled by the sight of his older brother fully playing with a children’s toy.
Their eyes are locked on one another until Teru finally drops Shishi’s little paws and crosses his arms awkwardly, like that’ll make Kou believe he wasn’t doing anything. Something works, because he finally chuckles as if everything suddenly made sense. “Tiara must’ve brought him here while you were asleep,” He strides over to pick up his stuffed animal, lightly patting its soft mane, “I think she took him a few weeks ago, but I didn’t see him in her room when I was straightening it up. Good thing he’s here, I was starting to think she lost him or something!”
“I’m glad you found him,” He smiles warmly, but he’s not glad at all. The bright smile Kou returns to him almost makes him feel better, but there’s already a pit in his stomach. “Are you taking him back, then?”
Kou glances at him in thought, and for a moment he thinks he sounded too hopeful. “Yeah, I guess so. Unless you wanted him for the night.”
Yes. Yes! Yes!
“You’re so funny, Kou,” He ruffles his brother’s hair. “Go ahead and take him back, he’s yours, right? I wouldn’t want to keep him away from you if you need him.”
Kou shrugs and looks at Shishi. “I still like him and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him, but I haven’t really needed him for a while,” A wide grin appears on his face. “I guess I’m starting to mature a little, huh, Teru-nii?”
Right. Right. To be mature is to stop relying on inanimate objects for joy. And if his baby brother is maturing to that point, then he should already be leagues ahead of him. He should know that the most likely culprit for stealing a stuffed lion is the toddler in the house, and shouldn’t be the eldest son on the brink of adulthood.
“You really are starting to grow up!”
Somehow that sounds like less of an accomplishment than it once seemed.
“Pres?”
“Is something wrong, Teru-senpai…?”
He squints at the light of his phone, straining his eyes in the darkness of his room. Miraculously, he managed to loop both of his partners into a video call despite it being such an odd hour of the night. Aoi looks completely alert and awake while Akane rubs the sleep out of his eyes with a long yawn.
“Hi,” He says with a smile.
He earns no smiles in response. “Why… Why are you calling so la–ate…” Akane drawls, leaning on his arm with sleepy eyes. “Jus’ to say hi…?”
“I can’t sleep.”
Another yawn. “I can.”
“It’s too late for us to come over and help you,” Aoi says, glancing at the clock behind her. “I don’t know if looking at a bright screen is going to help, either,” She presses a hand to her cheek in concern.
“It’s not. Hang up and go to bed, prezzz…”
“But what should I do? I’ve never had so much trouble getting to sleep before! You have to keep me company at the very least…” He whines.
Akane rolls his eyes and Aoi visibly holds herself back from doing the same. “Count some sheep, I don’t know! Just close your eyes and you’ll get there eventually.”
Tch. Easy for him to say. “I’ve tried that! I think I just need some company…” He says with a pouty voice, tracing circles on his sheet. Anyone who gets past the first layer of Teru’s personality knows that he finds it funny to be playfully whiny and needy with the people he likes, but it takes a few more layers of digging to realize that sometimes he genuinely communicates his needs this way. Is he doing himself any favors by playing it off as a joke? Absolutely not. In his defense, Akane and Aoi are pretty close to figuring out that maybe their boyfriend really is whiny and immature, but for now they think he’s trying to get a rise out of them.
“Can’t you sleep with your siblings, Teru-senpai?” Aoi asks. “You have more company in your house than me and Akane-kun combined.”
It’s a good idea, but one Teru’s already more than considered. Growing up it was custom for Kou to come knocking on Teru’s door in case of a nightmare, and once Tiara came along, the three would have sleepovers on Teru’s big bed every now and then. The only catch is that they only happen when the younger siblings knock on his door. He’d never wish for his dear little sister or brother to have trouble sleeping, and it’d be too out of the ordinary for him to suddenly knock on one of their doors.
“It’s late, I wouldn’t want to disturb them.”
“But you’re fine with disturbing us?”
“Well, yes.”
Akane scoffs. “At least you’re honest. Look, if you’re really that lonely then hug a pillow and pretend it’s m–” He abruptly stops to clear his throat. “Pretend it’s someone you want to be with right now. I do it all the time.”
“That’s brave of you to admit, Akane-kun~” Aoi teases, earning an embarrassed ‘tch’ from Akane.
Teru sighs in defeat. “Okay, I’ll try…”
“Sleep well, Teru-senpai!”
“Next time you want a sleepover, let me know sometime before it’s 3 in the morning,” Akane scolds, but his expression softens quickly. “Sweet dreams. Love you…” His words lead into a hefty yawn, signaling the end of the phone call.
His advice was sound, and probably better than Teru’s idea of keeping the two up all night for their company. Still, he would have settled for leaving his phone on and drifting to sleep knowing his partners were still present to take care of him if he needed it.
He clutches an extra pillow from the closet. It’s not the same, and it doesn’t make him feel nearly as safe as he’s felt in the nights before, but as his mind begins to drift into semi-conscious thought, he manages to convince himself he’s still holding onto Shishi.
“Mnn… It stings…”
Akane ignores his complaints and continues to pat down his injuries with a washcloth, his slightly unsteady breathing the only indicator that he’s trying to be as gentle as possible. He’s hardly touching his other shoulder to keep himself steady, treating Teru’s body like it’s made of glass bones and paper skin.
A sudden jolt of pain blares through his entire body, making Teru flinch involuntarily and splash water out of the tub. “It stings, Akane,” He repeats more firmly, crossing his arms over his knees.
Akane wipes his wet face on his shirt collar and sighs sympathetically, then gently caresses Teru’s cheek with the backside of his finger. “I’m sorry, baby, I’ll be more careful,” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Teru’s temple.
Any frustration he was feeling dissipates in an instant as he melts into the touch. In any other moment he’d make a conscious effort to stay still, but something about being naked in a tub getting a bath from your boyfriend makes it hard to justify avoiding further vulnerability – he’s already totally at his disposal. Also, it’s impossible to feign indifference when he blindsided him with such an unexpected term of endearment.
“ Baby ?”
Akane pulls away with a faint blush and a nervous chuckle. “It sounded better in my head… Sorry, I should’ve figured you wouldn’t like it.”
Teru hums and drags his hand across the surface of the water, watching intently at the ripples being created. “...It makes me feel small.”
“Ah,” Akane tilts his head with a knitted brow and a guilty frown, brushing a gentle hand through Teru’s bangs. “That wasn’t my intention at all. I’m sorry, that’s probably the last thing you want to feel right now, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” He says without thinking, too focused on the soothing feeling of having his head pet. “It feels better than feeling grown sometimes…”
“Is that so?” Akane continues to thread his fingers through his hair and inconspicuously resumes scrubbing his body. “Is ‘small’ a good feeling?”
“Sometimes.”
“Hm. Interesting,” He finishes cleaning up Teru’s upper half and drapes the washcloth over the faucet, leaning over the edge of the tub to get a better look at his face. “So… you really like being called ‘baby’ then?”
Meeting Akane’s gaze quickly brings Teru back to the present moment, realizing all too late what he’s been admitting to. He props his head on his knees, figuring he’s already dug himself too deep to get out now. “Only like this.”
“Like what?”
Teru feels his cheeks begin to warm up and he buries his face further with a shrug. “Just… like this…?” He peers up at Akane, suddenly very conscious of how his position above him makes him appear so much larger. The bathroom light shines just behind his head, making it seem as though he’s the one glowing, like a beacon of light to care for such a poor soul constantly finding himself in the darkness.
He’s always seen Akane as a force of positive change in his life, but something about his presence feels different. Still just as comforting and safe, but in a slightly different light.
He’s not sure what to make of it.
Akane seemingly decides against pressing for details, instead motioning towards the soap. “Alright, I got pretty much everywhere that the sun shines. You’d probably prefer to do the rest on your own,” He stands up and the illusion of his halo is destroyed, revealing the harsh bathroom light that makes Teru squint.
He tentatively reaches for the rag, then glances up at his boyfriend. “What makes you say that?”
His question catches Akane off guard, making the boy sputter before answering. “Well, I-I don’t know, I just assumed,” He says quickly, and motions towards his area of concern. “You don’t want me doing it all for you, right?”
Teru lathers soap onto the washcloth and looks up at the ceiling. “I like when you do things for me,” He admits, not daring to meet his eye. “I guess I get it if it makes you feel weird because of that , though…”
For some reason, contrary to his words, he can’t bring himself to understand – that is, he understands perfectly, but he can’t bring himself to accept it. Akane seeing him in his entirety might have been a concern before, but it just doesn’t seem like one right now. It doesn’t seem as significant as it once was.
Akane scratches his cheek and kneels down at the edge of the tub with a perplexed look. “Are you feeling alright, Teru?”
“Mm-hmm,” He drawls, absently beginning to scrub his leg. Akane watches him in silence for a few moments, dangling a hand over the edge and lightly splashing the water with his fingers.
“...Do you want me to do it for you?”
Teru looks up at him with wide eyes. “I thought you felt weird.”
“I don’t feel weird if you don’t,” He says, taking the cloth out of Teru’s hand. “I can do it all for you, if that’s what you really want.”
“It is.”
“Then there’s no problem.”
“Okay,” Teru closes his eyes, letting Akane get back to work.
It’s more invasive than before, which will probably be incredibly embarrassing to look back on when he’s in his right mind, but he can’t bring himself to care when it feels so right to be cared for like this. He’s not sure if he’s imagining it, but Akane seems to be even more gentle this time around.
“Hey!”
Teru is suddenly yanked by the wrist by his companion, making him stumble backwards and nearly trip over a crack in the pavement. He whips around to shoot Akane a glare for catching him off guard when he’s supposed to be relaxing.
But Akane is unwavering, frowning at him like he’s a child acting up. “What, were you born yesterday? Or are you actually just alive because of luck?”
Teru tilts his head and Akane motions to the street in front of them, notably the speeding car that would’ve most certainly plowed right through Teru if Akane hadn’t been there to grab him.
He winces. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Akane rolls his eyes and snatches Teru’s hand in his, squeezing tightly enough to discourage him from breaking free – not that it’d be particularly hard, but it’s not like he’d bother trying. “Does widdle Tewu need his hand held everywhere he goes?” Akane coos, getting in his face and fluttering his eyelashes, “Does he? Will widdle Tewu even survive to see another day if Akane doesn’t act like his seeing eye dog?”
His fake-cutesy voice fades into his usual judgmental deadpan by the time he’s finished his sentence, punctuated by a hand on his hip and a disapproving frown.
“Hmph,” Teru swings their arms in tandem, now paying close attention to the walking signal clearly telling him to wait, “Maybe I’d like that, you don’t know.”
“ ‘I don’t know,’ “ Akane scoffs, “I’m not stupid, I know you’d like that. You’re lucky I’d rather play babysitter than scrape you off the pavement,”
He lightly tugs Teru’s hand when the signal changes, walking half a pace ahead of him as he guides him across the street. Despite his biting tone, he doesn’t actually seem all that annoyed to do anything he just said. In fact, he glances over his shoulder when they’re about three-quarters of the way just to check on Teru, smiling in an unmistakably fond manner when he makes a silly face in response.
Teru pumps a fist in the air once they’ve made it across, still swinging their arms together, “We did it!”
“Good job, widdle Tewu,” He teases, reaching up with his free hand to ruffle blonde hair, “You crossed the street like a big boy, didn’t you?”
It’s clear as day that he’s only talking that way to poke fun at Teru, yet his words make his heart feel surprisingly fluttery. He nods enthusiastically, draping himself over Akane and resting his chin on his shoulder in a lazy attempt at a hug.
“I did!”
“I’d say you’ve earned yourself a scratch-and-sniff sticker.”
Akane rummages through his pocket for a moment, then peels off a tiny watermelon sticker and pokes the tip of Teru’s nose with it. His mouth forms an ‘o’.
“Where’d you get these?”
“My room. Mom’s suddenly really interested in clearing out clutter and made me and Dad start going through stuff. I found an old pack of them in some ancient box in my closet.”
He holds up a tiny pad with visibly outdated marketing – marketing he distinctly recalls seeing as a child on commercials he wasn’t supposed to be watching and shelves of stores he wasn’t supposed to browse. Another relic of a stolen childhood, his brain unhelpfully points out.
“I figured I’d give them to Ao-chan, but…” Akane winces, “I guess her skin is more sensitive than I remembered, ‘cause now she has a rash,” He giggles, guilt evident in his voice, “It must’ve been a while since the last time I gave her a sticker. I completely blanked.”
Teru narrows his eyes, lifting his chin off his boyfriend’s shoulder and poking the sticker on his nose, going cross-eyed in the process, “Couldn’t it be that they’re old? Are you sure I’m not going to get a rash?”
“Nah, look,” Akane rolls up his shirt to expose a bunch of tiny stickers pressed haphazardly around his belly, “Ao-chan did this before school started today, and I’m fine. She broke out not even ten minutes later.”
“Hmm…” Teru cautiously pokes his sticker a few more times, then scratches it per Akane’s suggestion. Akane tried at first to hold back, but he can’t help letting out jovial giggles as he watches his boyfriend discover the wonderful world of scratch-and-sniff stickers.
Teru takes a long whiff and his eyes nearly pop out in amazement. “It smells fruity!”
Akane nods affirmatively, “It’s watermelon scented,” He reaches under his shirt and peels off another sticker to show Teru, “Here, try this one.”
He excitedly takes the sticker and takes another long whiff of it, nearly inhaling the thing. His eyes sparkle, “Orange!”
“Yup, orange,” He beckons Teru to watch him leaf through the tiny booklet, “This pack is mostly fruit stickers, but I think there’s some random other ones, too. Look, there’s an ice cream one. There’s a dog.”
His eyebrows raise in intrigue, “Does it smell like a dog…?”
Akane beams, offering the booklet to Teru, “Only one way to find out.”
Teru can’t be bothered to mask the unbridled joy that is peeling off a sticker from a sticker book, scratching it, and taking a big whiff. This time it’s really surprising! He slaps the sticker on his cheek and details his findings to Akane, “It doesn’t smell like a dog at all! It’s kind of perfumey… It’s nice.”
“Really, let me try,” He suddenly leans close and lightly scratches the sticker, squishing his cheek a little in the process. Then he smiles and presses a kiss atop it, “It is nice.”
Unfortunately there’s no way out of this one; Teru completely fails to hide the blush that overtakes his face. Luckily he has another option – pretending like he straight up just isn’t. He’s a pro at that kind of thing.
“Yeah, well now it smells like your slobber. It might as well be dog-scented.”
Akane hums fondly and takes his hand in his once more, this time wrapping another arm around his and clinging on as they walk together. Usually Teru would be downright panicking that he’d run into someone from school or god forbid a member of his clan while holding hands with a man, but for some reason he just can’t care. Maybe it’s the power of the stickers.
“It’s boyfriend scented. Now everyone knows you’re mine.”
“I think everyone can already tell by the way you’re holding onto me.”
He smirks up at Teru. “So you admit that you’re mine?”
Teru meets his eye with an embarrassed pout, not daring to grace that question with a response. “Anyway, are you going to use those stickers?”
“Hmm… Maybe. I’ll probably get bored of them in like a day though.”
That earns a petulant whine out of Teru, “I won’t.”
“Are you trying to say you want the sticker book?”
He puffs his cheeks, looking away and mumbling, “Take it however you want…”
Akane giggles and lightly nudges him, swerving the two around the sidewalk, “I have an idea,” He says, “I’ll give you a sticker whenever you earn one, that way they don’t go to waste and end up all over your wall for Minamoto-kouhai to clean up.”
Teru raises an eyebrow, “L-like good boy points…?”
“Hah?” Akane smiles confusedly, “Sure, if that’s how you want to see it. It doesn’t weird you out to be called a ‘good boy?”
“Not at all.” He responds way too quickly without a single thought. He immediately bites his lip with a shake of his head, “I-I mean I don’t care one way or another. Do what you want,” Teru grits his teeth and hangs his head in embarrassment, “Can I just have another sticker?”
Akane studies Teru’s expression for a few moments before sighing fondly and putting another sticker on his other cheek, “Sure, since you’ve been such a good boy today.”
“I’m going to another sleepover tonight.”
The announcement causes Teru to raise an eyebrow. “Again?”
Kou nods, handing his brother his share of lunch and sitting down across from him. It’s not often the two eat lunch together anymore; Kou usually spends the free period with his other friends, but this time he seemed to have something on his mind. He still seems that way, pouting his lips thoughtfully as he pokes his food with his chopsticks.
“Who’s this sleepover with?”
His eyes widen for a brief moment as if he weren’t expecting the question. A hesitant sigh escapes his lips as he peers up at his brother. “You’re not gonna like it…”
“Hm?” The realization takes a moment to dawn on him. “No. You’re not staying the night with that Number Seven.”
“Wha–? N-no!” He waves his hands dismissively, “I’m not sleeping in Hanako’s gross bathroom! I’m, um…” He rubs the back of his neck. “I was gonna stay with Mitsuba…”
“Mitsuba…? Who is…” His frown deepens. “You mean Number Three?”
Kou nods reluctantly. “Yeah…? H-hey, I’ve stayed the night with him before! You’ve let me do it a few times!”
He crosses his arms with a disappointed sigh. “You had to wear me down each of those times.”
“Y-yeah, but…!”
“Don’t you spend enough time with supernaturals during school? Why would you want to deal with them at night time when they’re at their worst?”
Kou winces. “He’s not…” He trails off and looks down at his lap. “Mitsuba’s different at night. A-and I’m not just saying that! He’s… Ugh, he wouldn’t want me to be telling you this…”
“Telling me what?”
“I-I…!” Kou grits his teeth. “He… He needs me – s-sometimes. Especially at night.”
Teru can already feel a migraine forming. He really misses when Kou would ask to go over to Yokoo or Satou’s. “What do you mean?”
Kou looks around and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Can you promise not to tell anyone?” He doubts he (or anyone else) will care enough to gossip about some sad, weak little supernatural boy, but he humors Kou’s request with a nod. “Right. Sometimes Mitsuba… acts younger. L-like, since he never really got to be taken care of like a little kid, he’ll, um…” He twiddles his thumbs and avoids eye contact. “...He’ll go into the mindset of one and stuff… A-and he trusts me to take care of him when he’s like that…! Which includes staying overnight with him so that he feels safe… D-don’t make a face like that! It’s nothing weird, I promise!”
Is Teru making a face? He can’t say, he’s too busy wrapping his mind around the concept Kou just shared with him. He’s too busy thinking about… hm. “And he just… does that?”
Kou nods slowly. “Usually he does it on his own, but every now and then it just kind of happens and he starts acting like a toddler or something… Heh, it’s sort of like taking care of Tiara, in a way…” He shrugs. “I didn’t really get it at first, but it’s supposedly a coping thing. A-and I know you’re gonna say supernaturals don’t need to cope with anything, and that it’s weird of him, but humans do it too! He found out about it online, actually… I guess there’s a lot of people out there who do it.”
That night, having the house (mostly) to himself, Teru scooped Shishi up from Kou’s shelf, put his stickers he earned for the day on his mirror, and made a beeline for the computer. With the lion in his lap he typed as many buzzwords related to their discussion as possible. After a few dead ends and an alarming amount of rather not-safe-for-work websites later, he finally found what he was looking for.
Kou wasn’t lying. Apparently there’s plenty of people who get into a mindset where they act much younger than their actual age. And apparently it’s seen as a fairly acceptable coping mechanism.
Scrolling through the websites, Teru can’t help but feel a little awkward, like he’s stumbled across a side of the internet he was never meant to see. Even so, he can’t bring himself to click away. The embarrassment of reading about adults partaking in activities for children isn’t as strong as the comfort that’s settling in.
…Why is this bringing him comfort?
He’s not far off from graduation, he’s less than a year away from adulthood – he can’t afford to let his mind drift while reading about a bunch of grown-ups being stuck in the past! So what if some people can get away with letting their trusted loved ones take care of them while they unwind from the stresses of life? Who cares if there’s people out there successfully piecing together their broken childhood by setting time aside to give it another shot? Teru’s on the road to leading an entire clan of skilled exorcists. He was never meant to live a normal life, much less have a normal childhood – he’s certainly not starting one now.
It doesn’t matter how enticing the idea might be.