Chapter Text
Izuku always thought what he chased after was never going to be something he could achieve. He knew it was never going to be obtainable, it was unrealistic, impossible even. Now he wasn't talking about being a hero, no he believed in himself with that, he knew he could do it. What Izuku was thinking about was something that pushed and pulled at every corner of his being until it consumed him, and he didn't have the choice to think of anything else. A deep pair of ruby eyes with a soft and plush looking lips that spit venom at every chance they could get. The scent of caramel during a hot summer day, it was always his favorite smell other than his mom's katsudon.
It was a normal day for him and his classmates, well as normal as it got around here. The usual clicks joined up talking about nonsense and new drama that went on in the school. It was lunch time, well nearing the end of lunch time, and their next time slot was health with Mr. Aizawa. They could be learning about human anatomy or about when they would be getting their soulmate initials. While Izuku wanted to know it was also something he couldn't bring himself to care too much about, knowing if he thought about it, he would pray a certain initial would pop up and he knows better than anyone not to wish for something impossible.
"Yeah, my body is still sore from the hero training yesterday. Of course, I want to be a hero, but does Aizawa always have to be so rough," Uraraka complained to Iida nodding in agreement, rubbing her lower back before peeking over Midoriya's shoulder to see what had his attention so deeply laser focused. While looking she got a glance of a sketch of a certain blonde-haired boy in the class before leaning back to her stance before. Feeling a pair of brown eyes glaring at him, he stopped doodling to look up at his friend. Slamming his notebook closed he went to defend himself on what he knows his friend probably saw. "It's just a few notes from yesterday's hero training, stop looking at me like that." he let out a nervous laugh. Hiding the fact he really didn't want her looking in his personal business behind a polite smile, he hated snoopers but this was his friend she was probably just curious since he was being so quiet, he excused for her.
Ochaco let out a sigh still glaring at her friend before dropping her gaze to the now closed notebook. "When are you going to tell him already," She spoke with annoyance in her voice but kept it hushed so only he could hear her. "This is just getting embarrassing; pining isn't a good look on you Deku-kun." she crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke in her hushed tone. While Izuku knew what she was saying was from a place of friendship it pissed him off a little bit, maybe it was the fact she was a little right and this was going on for far too long or maybe it was that she had no idea what she was talking about and didn't understand the relationship him and Katsuki had. He was about to defend himself, or maybe tell her she was right, but the bell ringing beat him to it. The students began filing back into their assigned chairs, Midoriya letting out a sigh of relief that the conversation was over and he didn't have to deal with her judging look and words anymore. He looked back down at his notebook wanting to continue before the teacher got here, he really was writing down analysis from yesterday's training it just was about the blond. Before he could stop himself, his eyes were already trailing up. The ash blonde hair, the slight redness of his nape, his undone collar, and his ruby eyes? Thinking back to what his friend said moments prior, mainly about his one-sided pining, he got lost in thought not noticing the ruby eyes he fantasied about were now staring back at him.
"The fuck are you looking at shithead." the gruff voice making Izuku jump in his seat and immediately snap out of any fantasy that his mind was conjuring up. "Nothing, sorry Kacchan." The boy let out a grunt at his apology before looking back to the front of the class. Soon enough the door opened and Aizawa walked in, or more like dragged his feet till he got to the front of the room. "Afternoon, today instead of getting your textbooks out, we will be making new notes on soulmate initials or marks." the class straightened their backs at their teacher's entrance. Izuku already knew he was going to dread this lesson.
"As many of you already know soulmate initials or marks appear somewhere in between high school. While many of you may be getting them soon others can often be late bloomers, putting back your soulmate as well. The earliest of you could be getting a mark in less than 24 hours, but the later ones could be a couple of days or even weeks." Aizawa turned his back to them, writing on the board the information he spoke. "Moreover, when these marks do appear. They will look like a large stamp on the back of your hand, unable to be erased or washed off no matter how hard you try."
Izuku glanced down at his hand, flipping it over to stare at the back of his hand lost deeply in thought. So many what ifs were running through his head, what if it's a classmate? What if it's who's he's been pining after since he could remember? What if-
"Shut the hell up," that voice once again cut through his thoughts. Which was ironic since it was the same voice that made him get lost in the first place. Glancing up once again he was met with those eyes he could get lost in for eternity. Glaring back at him like they were mocking him. He must have been muttering again, an old habit that he couldn't quite control.
He gave the blond a nod and looked back down to his open notebook, he shouldn't be thinking about this right now he needs to focus or he'll fall behind in class. He could hear the blond murmur out a quiet fucking annoying Deku and couldn't help the way his body cringed in on itself. He always hated that nickname but over the years he thought it became more of just a nickname than what it was originally meant for, to degrade him.
"While many times the initials are someone you have already met in rare cases it could be someone you have not. The hand it appears on does not matter but once you get your mark just know your soulmate got theirs too." With that the class and the school day carried on till it was over but God did it drag on for as long as it could.
"Deku-kun who do you think yours will be? I hope mine is someone kind, and smart, and maybe loaded with tons of money," Uraraka spoke as they walked back to the dorms together. She watched as Midoriya glanced over at Bakugo who was walking a few feet ahead of them accompanied by Kirishima, they seemed enthralled in their own conversation. Izuku looked back down at her and she gave him a knowing look but he left her question unanswered she already knew who. "Maybe a certain K.B will pop up and you'll get a magical fairy tale ending." She joked, making her friend blush and glare at her.
"I know it won't be him there's no way it could be. Plus, Kacchan would kill me or chop off both my hands before he let my initials pop up on his hand." The girl couldn't help but giggle at her friend's violent way of thinking but she could imagine herself the blond being that violent. "Deku I'm sure he feels the same way he's just to mean to know how to show it, you know him better than anyone else, he's an action man, words aren't exactly for him." Urakaka smiled softly at him, the kind of smile someone gives you when they don't even believe their own advice Izuku thought. Midoriya wanted to listen to his friend and while yeah, their dynamic had changed a lot from violent to tolerating of each other, more Katsuki tolerating him, Izuku just couldn't imagine a universe where his- not his Kacchan liked him back or could even look in his direction with a feeling of something other than anger.
Finally, they made their way back into the dorms, some people slumping on the couches while others made their way up to their rooms. With a wave goodbye the duo split to go to their dorms. Midoriya taking the elevator, pressing the button and then waiting for it to come down. When it did, he stepped into it, letting the doors slowly close while he scrolled on his phone to pass the time. "Wait damn it." a familiar voice and a rough hand pulling the doors open. He knew who it was before he could even see his face, he could catch the sound of that voice in a sea full of people and still tell who it was.
"'Course it's fucking you Deku," He walked in and jammed his finger on the button to his floor, before standing on the opposite corner as Midoriya. Pressing himself against the wall like just being this close to him would get him sick.
Now in an eclosed space together Izuku didn't know what to do or say. Should he say something? Start up a conversation? Kacchan hated small talk though so it would probably be stupid to do that. He really didn't have it in him today to get into an argument with him.
Izuku was stuck in his thoughts pondering what he should do, staring at the floor like it had just offended him or spilled some sob story to him before a snapping hand in front of his face brought him out of his mindless spiral of thoughts.
"The fuck are you staring at so hard? Fucking creepy big ass eyes are weirding me out," the blond spoke side eyeing Izuku until he looked back down at his phone with a huff. It seemed like when they took one step forward, they took 3 steps back.
"Sorry Kacchan," Midoriya mumbled back just out of pure habit. Apologizing first without really ever doing something wrong but that was their dynamic. The blond would get upset over something stupid snap at him then Izuku would be the one to apologize first. Even when he tried so hard he could never really break that habit.
His eyes down casted again at the thought, how it felt like no matter how close they got they would never go back to how they once were, the childhood friends they used to be. Izuku would always be Deku chasing after something he could never truly reach or obtain, and that thought had him tearing up a bit. He didn't know why or why it hurt so much when all the blond did was snap him out of his thoughts but were his eyes so creepy? Did it hurt the blond so much that he had to point it out when he wasn't even looking in his direction.
He didn't want to cry right now, not when Katsuki was standing not even 5 feet from him so when he heard the elevator ding and doors slide open, he sprinted out not looking back to the expression knew was probably plastered on the boy he left behinds face. Maybe shock or distain for why he was running from him like he had the plague. He didn't even pause at the shout of his nickname before he was running into his dorm room and slamming the door closed behind him. Sliding against the door he couldn't control the onslaught of tears that bubbled in his eyes, in the silence of his room he let them fall. Sitting on the floor of his room letting the quiet sobs out as his thoughts consumed him. Bringing his knees up he wrapped his arms around himself and curled up and let it all out.
He didn't even understand why he was crying like this. He knew the moment he fell in love with the blond this would be a one-sided love, a love that he knew he would never be able to obtain but fuck he never knew loving someone so much could hurt so bad. If this is what it was supposed to feel like he doesn't know how other people do it. Izuku sat there for who knows how long. Letting his tears fall until his face felt numb from the dried tears that covered his face. Once his sobs turned to quiet sniffles, he looked up again into his empty room, realizing just how alone he felt right now.
With no one to comfort him he slowly stood up from his place against the door. Wiping his tear covered cheeks with the back of his hand he made his way to his bathroom. Flicking the light on he got a good look at himself in the mirror and by God he looked a mess.
Hair unruly as ever sticking up in a different ways, uniform wrinkled from the slight run and the way he dropped to the floor once he got to his room, his eyes and cheeks puffy and his childish freckles stuck out like a sore thumb on his face as he rubbed at his cheeks.
He didn't want to think about this anymore. He wanted to forget about his unrequited love for just long enough to pretend it didn't hurt him like this. What better way than music and a shower.
Stepping back into his room he grabbed a towel and his mini-Bluetooth speaker and made his way back to the bathroom. Yeah, this is what he needed a nice relaxing hot shower so the tear streaks on his face weren't why his face was so red and hot.
Setting his speaker down he connected his phone and just put his playlist on shuffle. For a moment it was just silent as Izuku turned the water on to let it warm up and stripped. Then the beginning of Out On a Limb by Teena Marie began to play. He hummed along to the tune as he stepped into the now steaming shower. As he let the hot water wash away all the stress and thoughts from the day, he couldn't help but laser focus into the lyrics of the song playing.
I try to resist that familiar smile, it melts me just like wax
But what's the use, I'm yours and that means forever there's no turning back.
Izuku chuckled to himself as he thought the lyrics were a bit ironic to his situation now. Here he was deeply in love with his childhood best friend/rival/mortal enemy and no matter how hard he wanted to let go of this love, that grin and his perfect image of victory would always draw him right back in.
He tried to shake the thought out of his head as the song continued and as it did, he thinks maybe music wasn't the best thing to get his mind off of the blond after all.
What have you done to me?
Suspended animation, I'm lost inside of you
I feel so insecure and yet I've never been so sure, what am I gonna do.
And as the chorus played Izuku couldn't help the way he felt his eyes bubbling back up with tears. Lifting his face to let the wat fall so you couldn't tell the difference between what were his tears and what were not.
Music sure had an effect when the moment was just right, had a way of cutting deeper than any knife into the emotions you didn't want to feel. And damn Izuku was feeling it as he let all his tears stream down his face until only the water from the shower was left. He felt so stupid, he knew this was all that would come of his feelings towards Katsuki and yet he couldn't help it.
Hold me, keep me warm inside of you and love me.
Yeah, like the blond would ever do that. Izuku wished on every star for that to come true.
Love me right away
This one thing is true, I would die for you.
Yep, that was enough music for today. Izuku stepped out of the shower, turning the water off before reaching over and grabbing his towel. Wrapping it around himself before grabbing his speaker and turning it off. He needed a happier playlist he thought to himself before stepping back into the coolness of his room. The air dropping from the heat the shower provided making him shiver as he walked over to his closet to grab a pair of pjs.
Throwing on one of his oversized shirts that said something stupid like "Sleep shirt" and a pair of shorts Midoriya made his way over to where his bookbag was slumped in a corner. He threw it there before he got in the shower. Reaching for it he grabbed out his school work for the night, while he was unfocused in class today that doesn't mean he'll fall behind in the homework department. Sitting at his desk he settled in for a while mumbling to his empty room as he worked for a good 40 minutes before he heard his phone ding from where he left it on his bed.
Glancing up from his work, he took a quick glance out his window and saw that the sun was already setting. He had been up in his room all evening his friends must be wondering where he is.
Getting up from his desk he makes his way to his bed and plops down reaching over and grabbing his phone off the charger. It was Urakaka texting him, sliding his phone open he read the message.
Bakugo just walked up to me and asked if there was something wrong with you is everything okay?
At this Izuku couldn't help the way his face scrunched up in confusion before realization dawned on him. He must think he's fucking crazy for running out of the elevator like that earlier. He felt a little bad, the blond had no idea the spiral he was going through because of him and Izuku couldn't bring himself to even think of it being some of the boy's fault.
Quickly he texted his friend back, stating he was okay and that he just had a long day. Making up some excuse that he just really needed to get some work done which wasn't a complete lie.
Before long, his friend was texting him back.
Oh alright! I was a little nervous when Bakugo came up to me but he looked really concerned even asked me for your number saying I wouldn't check on you good enough or something. If he texts you and confesses his undying love, I will be taking full credit for it!
Izuku couldn't help the slight smile that came to his face, he knew his friend was just messing around but the thought of Katsuki being concerned for him just brought back the feeling he was trying so hard to stamp out. Would the blond even text him? Why would he ask for his number if he didn't have the intention too?
Before Izuku could even dive into all the thoughts that were swirling in his head his phone dinged and vibrated in his hand again. Looking down he was expecting a message from Uraraka but instead was met with a message from an unknown number.
Hey fuckface why the hell did you run from me like that? I asked your friend round cheeks and she said there ain't shit wrong with you so what's up?
Izuku stared at the message, his face blank as his eyes scanned over the message again and again. Was the blond worried about him? The way he worded it even in his own Katsuki language it seemed like he was checking on him for real and that just couldn't be the case.
Hurriedly Izuku's fingers typed out a message, mumbling the words aloud to himself as he typed it out on the screen.
I'm okay Kacchan I just had a lot of studying to catch up on sorry for worrying you!
While it wasn't a complete lie, Izuku was studying for things that wouldn't be taught until the next lesson plan which could be in a month. He didn't feel good lying to Katsuki but he couldn't truly say why he had ran, they just were getting a good relationship he couldn't ruin it now with his feelings.
So, without a second thought he sent the message and went back to his desk to finish studying like he had told the boy. Bringing his phone with him this time he didn't even get a good two minutes of studying in before his phone was dinging again. Placing his pencil down he reached for his phone and to his surprise it was Katsuki again.
Unlock your door I'm coming down.
What?
Before he could he fully process the message, a loud banging came from his door, startling him up out of his chair. From behind the door, he could hear the booming voice of last person he wanted to see right now. Even if he didn't hear his voice, he knew who it was.
"Open the door shithead I told you to unlock it!" Izuku rushed to the door, almost tripping over his own feet as he reached to whip the door open. His clear green eyes landing on no other than Katsuki and for the second time today they were standing just a few centimeters apart.
For a moment they just stood there, in the entrance to Izuku's room. The silent moment broken when the blond rolled his eyes and pushed past the gawking younger boy into his room.
"You just gonna stand there or are we gonna study?" At that Izuku finally looked down, seeing the folder in Katsuki's hands as he plopped down on his bed like it was his own. Slowly Izuku closed the door, nothing but confusing thoughts running through his head. Why was he here? Studying with him, they've never done that before. In his confused state he walked back to his desk and sat down in his chair but now there was no way he was going to be able to go back to studying. The whole reason he started studying was to get his mind off a certain crush and now all of a sudden, the person he was trying so hard not to think about was sitting on his bed, legs crossed as he flipped through the papers and folder he was carrying.
"What chapter are you on?" Katsuki's gruff voice cut through the silence, ruby eyes flicking from the papers to Izuku's face that was for sure some color of pink. Quickly Izuku whipped around in his chair, trying to pretend he wasn't staring at the man sitting on his bed. Flipping through the papers on his desk he scans through the lessons for some random problem they can study.
"Um chapter 7.1 with physics, I guess I couldn't exactly figure out how to find the velocity in this problem. We have the displacement of course but without the time I can't remember how to find it." Izuku began to ramble, scanning his eyes over the problem trying to pretend he actually was struggling. He could solve this problem with his eyes closed probably but Katsuki came all the way here because he thought he was struggling. He couldn't bring himself to say different.
So, for a while they went on like that. Katsuki would help him through a problem and Izuku would try to stop his heart from beating out of his chest. Eventually the blond sighed and closed his folder, laying back on the bed he was sitting on and closing his eyes. Once Izuku notice the silence from his study buddy he turned around to face his bed.
He couldn't help the small smile that curved up his face, the sight of the blond sprawled out on his bed sparked a feeling all too familiar in Midoriya and he couldn't help the pained pang that came after. Picking up his phone he glanced at the time, it was 8:30 at night, usually Katsuki's bedtime. He should wake the blond before he actually does fall asleep on his bed because wasn't he's sleep there's no waking him.
Standing up from the chair with a slight stretch he walked over to his bed quietly, stepping close he reached his hand out to shake the blond awake only for a hand to reach up and grab his back, pulling him down on top of the blond. In his state of shock, he couldn't stop his fall and ended landing on top of the blond, their hands interlinked as Katsuki stared intently at the back of his hand. The moment only lasted a good few seconds before Bakugo was pushing him off and standing up with a stretch. If he saw whatever he was looking for he didn't let it show as he silently collected his belongings and made his way to the door.
"See you later, Izuku." with that he was out the door before Izuku could even get a word out.
Slowly, still laying on his back where the blond had left him, he brought his hand up to his face eyes unfocused and still in a state of shock.
B.K.