Chapter Text
Taylor is late. She’s sitting in the car biting her nails and she’s ten minutes late.
Fuck.
Drew stuck his head in the back five minutes ago to check on her, but she’d let him know with a look what was up. He’d simply nodded and said to let him know if she wanted to leave or go in. A reminder that she was in charge of how this night went.
Still, here she is. Frozen.
Her phone pings sending her stomach into a free fall. Not because of who is on the other end but because she recognizes she’s fucking this up.
Traffic bad?
She knows she can fib and say yes. Buy some time. Or even give some excuse and go home. Back to her empty house and a glass of wine. Forget she ever tried this. But then she remembers the sight of his face from three days ago on FaceTime. Of excitedly telling him about a recording session with Aaron and him just watching her, listening attentively with his chin propped on his hand. He is a good listener. It spurs her to pick up the phone and type.
I’m here. I’m just…stuck.
Stuck?
Scared.
After her confession, another text does not come through. The dots don’t show he’s typing either. So that is that, she guesses. He finally gets that she’s too much.
A minute later, a knock comes on the window and Drew opens the door once again. And there, just over his shoulder, is Travis. He looks great with perfectly tailored slacks, a button-down linen shirt with a light pattern interwoven through that showcases his unique style, chain around his neck visible from his open top buttons. Maybe great is an understatement. He’s made an effort. Flown all the way here. And she can’t even get out of the fucking car.
Drew steps back and Travis stands in the door with his hands in his pockets. Taylor appreciates that he at least came to tell her goodbye in person. It solidifies the view of him she’s formed while getting to know him over the past couple of weeks through texts and FaceTime. He’s a good guy.
Despite what she thinks, he does not do that. Instead, he rocks back on his heels, smiles at her, and asks, “Can I get in?”
Oh.
“Um, okay,” she says, surprise laced through her words.
He climbs in and Drew shuts the door behind him. Silence surrounds them and she starts to pick at the hem of her skirt. It took an hour for her to decide what to wear. In her excitement for tonight, nothing had seemed right. She tries to claw her way back to that feeling. The ghost of it reminds her why she even left the house and she looks over at him. He’s turned towards her but he doesn’t look mad or even like he’s anticipating anything.
He’s just waiting for her. No expectations.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.
“Hey, no,” he reassures her. “You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I’m ruining this,” she argues.
“Nah, not at all.”
She eyes him skeptically. “This is not what you flew all the way here to do,” she says with a wave around the car, pointing out that they are sitting in the back of a bullet-proof SUV in the parking garage of a Michelin-star Italian restaurant.
“I flew here to hang out with you, Tay,” he responds, gesturing between them. “Looks like that is exactly what I’m doing.”
She scoffs but something settles in her stomach at his words. She turns a bit in her seat to face him more fully, feeling the tiniest bit braver.
“I’m a mess,” she observes. “I–” she doesn’t finish because what really is there for her to say? Clearly, she is.
He shakes his head, “You’re not a mess.”
“No, truly, I am 100% a mess. You need to understand that.”
“Okay, you’re a mess,” he acquiesces with a shrug. “I don’t care.”
“You say that…”
“Taylor,” he interrupts, looking at her closely. Just takes her in like he’s trying to convey something important before continuing, “You can say it. Just say it all. I know you told me right from the start that you can’t handle anyone making you promises right now, but I am making you just one. I promise I won’t run out of the car…say what you need to say.”
With his words, she realizes she may as well, or else they’ll be in this car forever. She looks forward, eyes glued to the curtain that separates the front from the back, unable to look at him while she says every ugly thing that is racing through her mind.
“You think you want to know me. But this is me, Travis. I’m a mess who has a broken, mangled heart. You scare the shit out of me because I can see myself…I can see…” she stops and takes a shaky breath, then whispers, “But what if you are just one more thing that breaks me?”
She pauses, finally looking at him as one tear slips down her cheek.
“I’m not the girl you see on TV or even who you saw that night on the stage. I think she’s gone. But also I never was her. I’m just this. I’m just me and no one ever ends up being happy with just me.”
She looks down at the seat, not wanting to see his reaction. To see the disappointment she’s sure will be there. She looks down and sees their hands inches apart—close but they might as well be miles apart.
Until he closes the distance between them and covers her hand, squeezing.
Three times.
The gesture clutches at her heart. Sends a spark up her arm, and she looks up at him. He’s looking at her not with disappointment but with something like awe.
“Tay,” he begins before a thoughtful look crosses his face. Whatever he’s thinking, it seemingly makes him switch gears on what he plans to say. “Do you know what my favorite video of you always was?”
Confused as to where he’s going with this, she just shakes her head.
“That one where you are playing the piano and Benji is walking on the keys. Just you in your cute fucking overalls, playing. That was the image in my head when I was making that friendship bracelet.”
He shakes his head before continuing, “Not you at some awards show. Not the glamorous stuff. Just you.”
“I’m not sure that's even me anymore either.”
“Hey,” he says squeezing her hand again. “I may not have known you long or ever knew her, but I think you are. I think I see her sometimes. But I also see you now. And that is okay because it’s you now who got me to fly here. Not the girl in the overalls and certainly not Taylor Swift.”
“Why? I’m a disaster.”
“You make me laugh,” he shrugs. “You…I love hearing how you see the world. It makes me happy when I’ve talked to you that day. I don’t quite know yet, but something about us, Tay. It’s like…I knew you even when I didn’t.”
Her heart beats faster at his words and more than that, they click something back into place that was overpowered by her fear tonight. The thing that has been there these past few weeks. The thing that has made her determined to pick herself up and try again. Because he’s right, it feels just like they are…that they know each other already. There is an ease of old friends between them. That even for all her words before, it’s the fact of his familiarity that gave her the courage to say all that in the first place.
She turns her hand, palm up, and entwines their fingers together, squeezing his hand back. Yet, she can’t help but admit, “I’m still scared.”
“I know and that’s okay,” he reassures. “I’m scared of fucking this up too.”
And in the end that is really what it is, isn’t it? Being afraid she’ll be the one to fuck it up, not him. That this, the two of them, feels different than anything that came before, and she might be the one to destroy it by accident.
“This is the worst timing for this. I’m not… you’re not getting the best version of me. It’s not fair to you that I’m still healing from the mess that was my life earlier this year. But Travis, I want to try. I want to not be afraid because there is something here. Something about us I can’t put down. I just need your help. I need you to keep coming to get me when I get stuck in the car.”
“You’ve got it, Tay,” he assures, pulling her in for a hug. She tucks her face into his neck and feels safe for the first time in a long time, maybe in years. She wraps her arms around him and holds on.
“There is something here. Something I don’t want to fight,” she adds. “I just need to be brave.”
He pulls back and pushes a piece of hair back that has fallen in her face.
“You are. But we can also be brave together, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees.
They settle back into their seats. And when she looks back over at him she realizes something and begins to laugh.
“Oh god,” she starts and then the horrified giggles take over.
“What?” he questions, amused by her sudden laughter.
“We are on a first date,” she gets out between laughs, covering her face. “And we didn’t even say hello to each other.”
They look at each other for a beat before he joins her in laughter.
“I brought you flowers, they’re still inside,” he reveals and somehow that sets them off laughing even harder.
“I tried on like fourteen pairs of shoes, Travis. Fourteen! And they never even saw the light of day.”
He looks down, squinting, “They look great.”
“You’re full of shit,” she retorts, knowing he can’t see them in the dark car.
“Nope, let me see them,” he says, pulling her by the knee so her leg comes up onto the seat. “Oh yeah, so great. No wait, these are fucking sexy as hell, girl.”
She watches him, taking in his confidence and the grin that lights up his entire face. Silly, sweet, and full of life—just as he had been on the phone.
He beams at her and says, “This is the best first date I’ve ever been on.” And she knows he means it, disaster and all.
Those words add just a couple more stitches to her injured heart—mending it just a little more.
“Hmm, I think I need one more thing to make it mine too,” she declares.
“What’s that?”
“Pizza. Let’s get pizza and wine. We can sit on my roof and maybe try this whole meeting-in-person thing again?”
He nods, “I think it’s a date.”
Later, when they get to her house, he tells her to wait and she’s confused until he walks around to open her door and holds out a hand.
Helping her out of the car.