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Megumi opens his eyes and sees white, everywhere.
The school’s hospital room was cold and empty. Not even Shoko-san was there. Megumi lifted his head to look at the clock on the wall. 1:00 am, it read. He turned towards the other side of the room, aches blooming in every corner of his body. He could see his jacket and dress shirt, both blood-stained and tattered, spread out over two chairs.
Maybe he hadn’t been in here for long, for Gojo sure loved doing everyone’s laundry. He never asked him why, for Gojo took interest in more peculiar things.
At the break of dawn, Megumi’s dear sensei had presented him with another delightful opportunity to fight a low-grade curse. Fighting them was just about as easy as cleaning his own room.
Yet, when Megumi stood before the curse, a pearlescent sheen on its slimy skin, all of his power seemed to drain into the ground before his feet. In no time, the curse had lunged towards him, dragging its teeth across Megumi’s torso. He didn’t feel pain or suffering in that moment, just nothingness, plain and simple.
But when Gojo lifted him off the ground, the aftertaste of his iron in his mouth felt foul, a remark of his disgrace.
Gojo’s disappointed expression was unfamiliar, an uneasy novelty. But Megumi didn’t have the strength to explain. Gojo leapt off the ground, and Megumi could only see the trail of his own blood left in their wake, before closing his eyes, completely.
Megumi attempted to lift his leg off the bed. He just wanted to get out of the cold, cold room and go back to his own dorm where he could forget about his failure, even momentarily. his left leg was numb, a sack of dead weight that wouldn't touch the ground. In a fit of despair, he jumped off the bed and ended up falling, face-first, onto the cold yet blindingly white floor.
A stream of blood trickled down from his nose to his chin. He would never be good enough. He would never be strong enough. Yuji and Kugisaki would always be the ones ahead of him, looking out for him, while his entire existence would be a burden, a dead weight everyone wished to get rid of. He would be a failed sorcerer, wasted potential, no one would care–
The door swung open. Yuji stood, tall and angelic. his pink hair was glowing amber in the sunlight streaming into the building. He was holding a bag of green apples. Megumi usually hated sweet things, but he had always been fond of green apples. Sometimes Megumi felt like Yuji could look at his soul whenever their eyes met, learning his secrets.
“Hey Fushi–what the hell?” Yuji lifted Fushiguro by the hand, back onto his bed. He cleaned the smear of blood on Megumi's face with a tissue. Megumi felt his face growing hot at the contact.
“Are you okay?” Yuji sat across from him, a steady hand on Megumi's shoulder.
Yuji entered Megumi's life like a rainstorm in a desert, turning the barren sandlands into fertile soil.
Yet still, weeds grew instead of flowers. Maybe he would always be worthless, Megumi thought, ever unproductive no matter how much anyone tried. He was 15 but he felt like he had lived too long, overstayed his welcome in a world not meant for him.
“Fushiguro”. Yuji said his name like a statement, with no trace of emotion. Megumi sighed.
“I’m fine. you don't need to worry”. Megumi told him, his tone matching Yuji's. Yuji removed his hand from his shoulder. cold, cold, please don’t go–
“Do you think I believe you?” Yuji clenched the hospital sheets in his fist while saying so.
“You don’t talk much, but when you do, the words come too easily to you”. Yuji spoke solemnly, akin to a whisper.
“What are you hiding?” Yuji spoke in a voice so low, it was unfamiliar yet comforting.
I’m worthless, useless and it’s better if I just die, the words that came to Megumi’s mind begged to jump off his tongue, Megumi knew they were wrong and he was doing himself no good by thinking these thoughts. but he wanted his hellish mental landscape to have some semblance of reality, either by choosing a method and a date before saying goodbye, or–
By telling someone, something, anyone, anything so that he could climb out of the slippery ravine, the deep abyss he himself jumped into.
But instead, all he said was, “I'll tell you when the time comes.” Megumi had a feeling that the time he vaguely referred to would either come really soon, or it would never come at all. It was a futile promise, always destined to break, like asking the sun to stay in one place, or inviting all the moons of the Milky Way to orbit the Earth.
A hurt expression bloomed on Yuji's face. He stood up to leave, leaving the bag of green apples on the nightstand.
“Meet me in the training grounds. Tonight.” The door closed behind Yuji with a resounding click. Megumi was only slightly relieved by his departure, for he had a lot more things to worry about.
Soon enough, the dark thoughts swallowed him whole again. He found himself falling further and further into an abyss, a deep pit of despair and despondency. yet he still saw a light, a golden hand beckoning him to climb out, to be free. it didn’t matter if the freedom lasted for a second or for eternity, for megumi’s lungs had been shoved underwater for too long. a single breath of fresh air would make him forget. everything.
even if it was only momentary.
////
Sukuna’s vessel. It was the new nickname Yuji had earned for himself after that night. the night that yuji barged into megumi’s life, as if he had always belonged there. Yuji's presence was a relief, a reminder that the world wasn’t all bad, but the guilt Megumi would feel by just looking at yuji was nauseating, all-consuming.
Every morning, Yuji would emerge from his room like an angel, his pink hair glowing in the amber rays of the 7 am sun like a makeshift halo. Does Megumi still want to touch the tiny brown hair of his undercut? no way, what the hell– (that was a lie).
Megumi stepped outside the school building. 9:01pm, his watch read. After wasting away his time in the hospital bed for the entire day, he locked himself in his room with the apples Yuji had given him. The sweetness washed away the bitterness of his failure, but not all of it. He took out his textbooks, tried to accomplish something he hadn’t already. His assignments were all finished, leaving nothing but a void Megumi knew he had to fill somehow.
“Being booksmart isn’t that useful if you can’t apply the techniques in there, you know”, Gojo had told him jokingly the day before, laughing while saying so. Megumi would just huff and smile on the inside whenever Gojo said such things. He had always been fond of his sensei, though he would never admit it.
Focus, he scolded himself, snapping out of his reverie. He approached the training grounds cautiously.
Yuji was leaning against a tree, gazing towards the night sky. The stars had been dimmed from the fake, fluorescent lights of the glittering metropolis, hidden from sight by the myriads of trees.
Megumi took another step forward. “hey.”
“Hi.” Yuji smiled. He never smiled that way, with curiosity and worry mingled together in his expression.
“Let’s go”. Yuji beckoned towards the forest, signalling for Megumi to follow him.
The earthly scent of the forest was way more comforting than Megumi expected it to be. To do list: spend more time with nature, Megumi tucked the information into another corner of his mind.
“What's up,” Yuji asked, steadfastly looking forward, not sparing him a glance.
“I'm up,” Megumi deadpanned. Yuji groaned
“No, you–” Yuji held his head in his hand, massaging his temples. “How are you?”
“I'm good,” Megumi replied, too easily again.
“You’re good?” Yuji raised his eyebrows. “After getting your ass beaten this morning?”
Megumi rolled his eyes. “People can make mistakes, you know.”
“That's not what I meant.” Yuji's eyes met his. “it’s fine to make mistakes, it isn’t fine to hate yourself for them!”
Megumi's eyes widened. Some part of him had always expected that he and yuji would always be beating around the bush when it came to talking about megumi’s— mental health, if that’s how people put it.
“Megumi.” Yuji spoke so quietly that Megumi almost missed it. He swerved towards Yuji, taking in the boy’s gaze, filled with sorrow.
Yuji had said his name so sweetly, carefully that Megumi wished to hear it a thousand times over. Only four people had ever referred to him by his first name before, and only one of them was still in his life.
“Megumi.” Yuji said his name again like it was sacred, precious, while shuffling his feet. “We haven't known each other for long, but you’re–precious to me. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to drift away.”
Drift away.
Megumi wondered what his life would be like if Yuji hadn’t come waltzing in. It had been so hellish, cruel and unforgiving till then. Yuji never deserved to be here. He was a flower blooming amidst the weeds of the jujutsu world.
But Yuji couldn’t just leave the world he innocently stepped into. They both knew that, and dreaded the horrors they were yet to face. Megumi wanted to protect him, to stand by his side, in the face of the unknown.
“ita–yuji.” Megumi said his name akin to a prayer, not looking away from him. Yuji took a step towards him.
“I won't go away, Yuji, I won't. I'll perform my duty till I take my last breath,” the words spilled out of Megumi's mouth. He squinted his eyes, pinched his thumb so that the tears wouldn’t spill out too.
“This world we live in,” Megumi spoke, glancing at Yuji's shaking hands.”It's messed up. and you don’t deserve to be here, at all.”
“No one does,” Yuji sighed. “but– I wouldn't go back to living my past life, even if i had a choice.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause there’s nothing left for me there, anymore,” Yuji smiled weakly. “Everything I have is here.”
“What is your everything?” Megumi asked, fondness growing is his heart for the boy before him.
“Sensei, Kugisaki, Nanamin, and everyone else. But it’s you, mostly. You’re the most of my everything." Yuji grinned. Megumi laughed. Yuji stared at him, awe-struck.
“Would you believe me if I said the same about you?” Megumi asked, nervously.
“I would.” Yuji reached for Megumi’s hand, lacing their fingers together. The blush on Yuji's face was so pretty, Megumi wanted to engrave the sight into his memory forever.
And with that, the dark abyss of Megumi’s mind imploded, leaving behind a galaxy of hope, each star shining and waiting for newer days and nights.