Chapter Text
Part I
Chapter 1
It was around 2am. I was already feeling drowsy. I put my pen down, stood up and as I was getting ready to go to bed, I heard the doorbell ring. At first, I thought I had imagined it, it was just the result of the dead of the night, but no, the bell rang again and this time it was louder and longer.
Have you ever noticed how during the last hours of the night, when you are quietly relaxing in your houses, when everything inside and outside has gone quiet, the bell rings particularly intensely, as if full of some misfortune yet to happen? Have you noticed just how much vague fear that noise puts in your heart? That kind of fear filled my heart too as I was not expecting anyone at that hour. My landlord’s servant, who was also my servant, was most definitely asleep and he was a deep sleeper; he wouldn't get up even if zurna was played right under his ear.
I had to open the door myself and while I was going down the dark staircase in the corridor, the bell rang for the third time.
When I opened the door, I saw Garegin Sisakyan standing on the sole stair of the entrance. He was a close, dear friend of mine, who I didn’t recognize immediately in the dark of the night.
“Garegin…Is that you?” I shouted unintentionally from his spontaneous visit at this hour.
“It’s me.”
“Did something happen?”
“No, nothing.”
“Then why did you come?”
“Just because.”
“What do you mean ‘just because’?”
“I know you go to bed late, so I came to see you.”
“Yes, but why?”
“Do you even know what time it is?” I asked.
“The happy don’t look at the time,” replied he and laughed again.
Don’t know why, but I suddenly thought he must have gone mad, since I already knew him as a very strange fellow. And that suspicion worried me so much that I went silent.
“Let’s go upstairs. I have some important news for you,” said he pushing me inside slowly.
I had no other choice than to lead him to my room. I was too intrigued.
He sat next by my desk and looked at me as if wanting me to ask him what the news was.
In the meantime, I was just watching him. He had a long coat on, which he normally never wore, a white clean vest and an entirely new and expensive necktie. His face was the same physically- healthy, round, plump face, which now lacked certain masculinity. His ever-so-happy eyes, which expressed his almost mythical lack of will and soft personality, were shining with some mindless, endless happiness. Those eyes, however, were a bit glossy, and for a second I thought I smelled wine in his breath.
“You’re drunk,” I said, staring blankly into his eyes.
“Yes, a bit, for the mood,” he confessed, laughing gently.
“I guess you’ve visited someone. Where were you?”
“Where?...You won’t believe it, if I tell you.”
“Don’t worry, considering what you look like now, I’ll believe anything.“
For a short while he just stared at me smiling. He was probably hesitating whether to tell me or let me guess. Then he suddenly jumped up, hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear.
“I got engaged tonight.”
Kissing me right under my ear, he stepped back as if trying to gauge my reaction to his news.
My reaction was mostly shock as his news was completely unexpected. As I didn’t know what to say and was just staring at him, he showed me his right ring finger, which now had a simple ring on. He said somehow proudly.
“In case you don’t believe me.”
“So you are coming from your engagement party.”
“Yes, I just came from my fiancée’s house.”
“So you came here to tell me that at midnight; as if you couldn’t do it tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? I couldn’t wait that long! And even if I could, where would I go? To my home where there is not a single soul to share my happiness with? How could I wait until tomorrow? Should I have slept? I was wide awake. Oh, if only you could imagine what I feel right now… My heart is blooming like a rose, my soul is singing. I want to speak, dance. It’s as if I’ve grown wings on my shoulders and if I wave them about I can fly like…like...”
He jumped on me with his arms stretched, hugged me tightly and ignoring my resistance started to kiss my face like a madman.
While being funny, his emotional outbursts were so endearing and earnest that I involuntarily felt brotherly affection towards that giant child, who I had always loved for his immeasurable naivety and innocent, almost childish personality.
I managed to calm him down, made him sit and started the questioning.
“Although I have every right to be angry with you for making such a big decision without telling me,” I said ”but I forgive you as I can see that you’ve been secretly in love and wanted to just as secretly end it, probably thinking I’d be an obstacle for you. Did I get it right?”
“Not at all.”
“Then?”
“Not only was I not in love, but I also met her yesterday for the first time.”
“Who? The girl?”
“Yes.”
“The one you got engaged to?”
“Yes,”
I was shocked. If I didn’t know him so well, I’d assume he was joking.
“You know, Garegin, your visit at this hour made me consider for a second if you’ve lost your mind. So now I’m asking directly- are you insane?”
“Why?”
“Do you even understand what you are doing? How can you get engaged to a girl you just met for the first time?”
“Why not? I like her alright. I’ll tell you this- my father used to say that his father got engaged without even seeing his future wife.”
“And when did this happen? 150 years before this? Have you considered the time you live in? Have you ever considered the fact that you- an intelligent, educated man are comparing yourself to your dimwitted grandfather?”
“It’s all nonsense, Michael, don’t believe it,” said he with surprising calmness, “Marriage is all about luck. When I tell you the details, you’ll see that it really is a matter of luck. Then again, love doesn't differentiate between the educated and the dimwitted.”
“Love? You’ve managed to fall in love too?”
“Oh, have I…”
“In one night? In a few hours?”
“Fell in love as soon as I saw her. I read somewhere that people fall in love at first glance.”
“And because of that you think you love her?”
“No, I don’t think so, I know it. God as my witness, I love her.”
“You even swore on it. Guess I can’t question it. How about her?”
“Who? Sarah?”
“Her name is Sarah?”
“Yes.”
“You liked her and even fell in love with her. And she?”
“What?” said Garegin, staring at me in shock.
Apparently, the question was so unexpected he froze not knowing how to answer. He looked so ridiculous I couldn’t help but laugh. His shock didn’t last long, and he answered with his usual childish naivety:
“Of course, if she agreed to marry me, it means she liked me too.”
“Guess it’s a good sign you can still think logically while in love. Now tell me, what kind of girl is she?”
“Smart, serious, dignified, noble like a queen and… and so beautiful, so beautiful that… Of course, I have to thank luck for this. What else would give me such a beauty?” added he emotionally and stood up to pace around the room.
“You just said some generic words,” I noted, “Describe her properly so I can imagine what she looks like.”
“It’s useless, you won’t be able to imagine her.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Garegin suddenly stopped in front of me,” Have you read Sterne’s biography?”
“No.”
“He was in love with a girl and wanted to describe her to his readers, but instead of just doing it he presents an empty page with an inscription: “Let the reader describe their first love on this page. I fear the reader wouldn’t like the girl I fell in love with. If I say she has blond hair, those who love brunettes would say ‘Oh, what’s so special about blond hair’. If I say she had dark hair like amber, those who love blondes would laugh at me. Put here the description of your beloved girl. That is what the girl I love looks like. So you can imagine how beautiful she is.”
“If I’m not mistaken, Sterne is a Brit and a comedian,” I mentioned,” He definitely wrote these lines to amuse his readers. But I, who has never loved a girl before, how can I imagine your lover’s beauty?”
“If you haven’t loved, you wouldn’t understand it even if I describe her a million times.”
“Let’s leave it then, until I, if my luck will have it, will see her myself. Tell me this then: how did it happen?”
“What happened?”
“I mean, how did you suddenly fall in love and got engaged.”
“Guess it really was sudden…” laughed Garegin and sat back in his sit, “This is how it happened: last week, in the evening, in the street I met an old relative of mine, an office worker with a surname Baghiryan, who I used to love a lot as he always brought candy for me whenever he visited us. I hadn’t really seen him since my father’s death, or rather after our family got destroyed. I immediately recognized him, but he didn’t recognize me. Then, when he realized who I was, he got so happy as if he had a lost son and had found him finally.
He kept on asking me questions about my life and when he learned I’m not married, insisted on making me his son-in-law. And almost forcefully dragged me to his home to show me his daughter. To be honest, I didn’t mind it that much as I thought I don’t plan on marrying so he can’t force me even if his daughter is the best.
But fortunately or unfortunately, his daughter wasn’t at home, or maybe she was but didn’t come out (I never learned the truth). I didn’t see her that evening. I thought that was the end of it, but no. He came to visit me this evening and told me to stand up as he told his daughter to stay at home and he is planning to introduce us to each other tonight. You know just how soft-hearted I am, I couldn't say no. He dragged me back to his home. On the way there, he took me to a jewelry store, bought this ring and another one just like this and put them in my pocket saying if I liked his daughter I could give it to her, if I didn’t, I’d just bring it back to him. Very well then. We continued and when we reached there…”
Garegin burst into a laugh.
“What else is there to say?” he added, “I gave her the ring. I gave it to her along with my heart and it was so sudden that I’m still in shock. Maybe it was some miracle or magic. I still can’t wrap my head around it.”
“So you just saw and liked that girl?”
“Oh, she isn’t just some girl, she is pure magic,“ shouted Garegin with his typical excitement, “When she entered the room and I first saw her… Oh, you had to be there and see her yourself to understand what I felt then. I can’t explain it with words.”
“I don’t need words, I can clearly see that you madly love her,” I smiled involuntarily at his joy, “But, please explain calmly, if you can, what happened?”
“What happened… calmly…Alright. First, it was only us there- that is me, the girl, the mother and the father. Oh, but they aren’t her parents per say.”
“You mean Sarah, (that was her name, wasn’t it) is their adoptee?”
“No, she is theirs, but not blood related. This is how it happened: she is the step-daughter of my father-in-law. That is before marrying his current wife, my father-in-law married a widow, who had a 10-year old daughter. Then that woman, Sarah’s real mother, died and my father-in-law remarried. In this way Sarah is a step-daughter to them both. Did I explain well?”
“Yes, you did. Now, please continue your story. How did you get engaged?”
“How else? I saw her, liked her and gave her the ring. I came, I saw, I conquered,” added Garegin laughing, “Then we sat down, had dinner, and drank. We even toasted you as my future best man. Great, isn’t it?”
“Thank you for that great honor. But you still aren’t saying what I want to know.”
“Ask, just ask, I’ll tell you everything!”
“Tell me how you got to meet her, what you talked about, how you fell in love so suddenly, and finally, how you confessed your love?”
“I haven’t confessed.”
“Then?”
“Then what? I just said “Miss, I like you, and if you like me too, please accept this ring.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that, word for word.”
“And she accepted?”
“Accepted and put it on the table?”
“What do you mean ‘put it on the table’?”
“Yeah, on the table.”
“And not on her finger?”
“I feel like I’d know the difference between a table and a finger.”
“And you call it an engagement?”
“How would I know what counts as an engagement?” Garegin laughed, “I just know that after that her parents congratulated us, kissed and blessed us. I was so happy I’d probably start dancing if someone started clapping. Truly, if we did follow traditions, “ he added, “if I’m not mistaken, I should have been the one to put the ring on her finger, but I was so bewildered that I completely forgot about it. I guess she was being shy and that’s why she didn’t put it on her finger.”
“Then?”
“What do you mean?”
“What did you say to each other? What did you talk about?”
“My fiancée and I? Nothing. She basically didn’t talk to me. She just kept looking straight into my eyes.”
“Then, if she didn’t talk to you, how do you know she is a nice, well-educated girl?”
“From her look. She has this look as if she can see right through your soul, as if she is looking for something there. Even when she isn’t looking at you, just staring into an empty space or spot, she still looks thoughtful, serious and at the same time, so… How should I put this? Tearful? Yes, simply tearful, as if she has managed to gather your soul in her palm and she is squeezing it. Yes, that was the look that captured my heart from the first sight. So many times tonight, when she wasn’t looking at me, I watched her and the interesting thing is that each time it felt as if some part of my heart got torn apart and rose up to my throat. And even now, as I’m remembering her look, some vague sense of sadness is covering me.”
“Maybe she is sad about something?” I asked intrigued.
“I don’t think so, it must be the way her face looks. I have occasionally seen women whose eyes looked tearful, and it’s these eyes that give them their beauty and charm. Well, I don’t know her that well, since I didn’t get the chance to get some alone time with her, but beside that, I was a bit scared to do it anyway. During the dinner, when I had had enough, so to speak, liquid courage, I could probably talk to her, but unfortunately, she didn’t dine with us.”
“What do you mean she didn’t dine with you?”
“She apologized for feeling so exhausted and left us.”
“So you didn’t see her after?”
“No.”
Involuntarily, I shrugged my shoulders and got up.
“Well, you can leave now as it’s too late and I’m sleepy, but know this: your engagement is very strange, and until you introduce me to your fiancée, I won’t be able to understand this. Will you take me to see her?”
“Whenever you feel like it.”
We had agreed that we’d go there together next Saturday evening, when I would be completely free. Finally, I managed to make him leave.