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"Oh, why don't you stare at a painting for a bit?"
Bonnie's words were bouncing up and down Keedie's head. Sometimes the words took the shape of a random memory from their childhood but mostly they kept crashing around as the mean look Bonnie had given her. When had she become so different?
Keedie was laying in her twin’s bed, eyes fixated on a small crack on the ceiling. It was barely visible in the evening, and it looked convincingly enough like a fracture that forms as the house breaths. When they were kids, their dad told them that old houses, like theirs, breath and where its lungs inflate, small cracks can form. This of course had sounded terrifying back then. Though this particular breaking in the ceiling hadn't been caused by an old house but rather by two young kids playing with colorful bouncy balls. Keedie sniffed as she thought of the warm memory. After a particularly hard throw, which both blamed the other, one of the balls had made strong enough impact on the ceiling to form the crack. They had been in Nina’s room, and it was a subject of debate whether she had given them permission to be there. Their parents never found out and Nina hadn’t ratted them out, at least to Keedie’s knowledge.
Nina saying something awoke Keedie from her thoughts. Shaking her head she tried to get rid of the memory that had replaced the mean words Bonnie had all but spat at her. Now she was staring at Nina, who was staring back at her.
"Are you thinking of the answer, or did you miss what I said?" Nina asked from her work desk, the chair turned towards Keedie.
Nina had been editing the vlog of Franks tour. It was supposed to be uploaded on their history themed YouTube channel later that week. They really had grown to be great for each other and Keedie was happy for them and the relationship they had built.
"I missed it."
"I said", Nina started again patiently," that if you are just going to invade my room like this you could at least tell me what’s wrong. If you're up to it of course."
"Maybe I just want to spend time with my favorite twin?"
"Hah hah,” Nina’s voice was dripping sarcasm. “Keep your secrets then."
“Thank you, I very much will.”
Nine rolled her eyes dramatically, but Keedie didn't notice. She had once again fixated her eyes on the ceiling. Nina turned her attention to the editing and the comfortable silence continued. They were used to sometimes needing the company of the other, even if it was just a silence they shared. Addie had gone to the bookshop, having told the family a story of boxes in need of unpacking. Keedie figured that her sister just needed some time to clear her head a bit. She should be coming home soon though, as the evening was slowly darkening. It had been one hell of a day.
”You know, I never told Mom and Dad,” Nina started the conversation again. “About the crack I mean.”
“Nina, should I be worried?” Keedie, who knew exactly what Nina was talking about, answered without missing a beat. ”What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into? Crack and everything.”
“What?” Nina’s expression changed very little as she stared at the other twin. “I know you’ve been staring at the breakage on the ceiling for the last half an hour.”
“You don’t say?”
Nina stood up and walked across the room, only to rip the pillow from under Keedie’s head and hit her with it. They had fallen back into their habit of casually and lovingly irritating each other. After the fight they had last year, they had grown even closer.
After a few hits, Nina sat beside Keedie, now both of them staring at the ceiling.
"I always thought it looked like a star," Nina kept going. "After the anger had died down, of course."
Keedie laughed a little.
"You thinking about Bonnie? It was so weird seeing her," Nina pondered. She hadn’t even thought about Keedie’s childhood friend in some time. Though she had been on her mind when Keedie was going through the burnout year earlier.
"It really was."
"What was she even doing there? Interrupting Frank's tour and everything. I get the anger about the asshole founder and stuff, but a time and place, right?”
"I always thought Bonnie as one," Keedie kept talking, deep in her thought, not having quite listened to Nina’s latest remark.
"An asshole founder? I didn't realize your friendship was so stra-"
It was Nina’s turn to feel the soft fabric of the pillow on her face.
"Sorry, sorry," Nina hit her twin back with the pillow before settling next to her again. “I'm having a bit of a hard time following."
"Oh," Keedie sighed, her eyes know trailing around the room. "I mean that I always kind of thought Bonnie as a star."
“I knew you guys were close but that actually sounds really sweet.”
“I’m talking about how she stole the show today, not trying to be sweet or gross or open about my feelings or anything.”
"Oh, come on, I'm trying to, you know," Nina motioned with her hands, "show support and make a safe place to talk about feelings!”
"Okay, sorry, for real. I’ll behave,” Keedie paused for a second and though. “Feelings and talking about them is awful though.”
“Well, aren’t you behaving well. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. It just kind of sounds like you do.”
“Ugh, I hate the rare occasion when you’re right.”
Keedie closed her eyes and though about how'd she go on about explaining, as she ignored Nina’s eyerolling. Expressing feelings was sometimes a bit difficult task, especially if it concerned long lost friends like Bonnie.
"When we were kids, I always used to protect Bonnie, you know? I’d be the one who chased off bullies and she was the one I’d do anything for. And this is going to sound sappy, but she was my North Star”, Keedie’s voice cracked a bit on the last words, and she hated how fast she failed to keep her voice steady.
“You guys were really close back then. I know it hit you hard when she left.”
“She didn’t really leave. More like she disappeared,” Keedie chuckled dryly. “And apparently it hasn’t bothered her one bit.”
“You know I don’t say this lightly, especially after how she took over Frank’s tour and all, but maybe she just isn’t telling how she really feels about leaving,” Nina tried to reason. “Not that it excuses anything, just explains.”
“Don’t try to explain the whole ‘trying to hide myself’ -thing. I think I know how that feels.”
“Point taken, yet my point stands too.”
Keedie sighed out of frustration as she got up, pacing to the opposite side of the room and then back. Lightly flapping her hands on her sides.
“She might have been my North Star, and she showed me the way when the seas were stormy, but I learned to use a god damn compass. I have more important things to protect now.”
“A bit heavy on the nautical metaphors but look, I’m not trying to tell you to be best friends again but giving her the benefit of the dou-“Nina was getting up to reassure Keedie but before she could, the other interrupted her.
“She’s the one trolling Addie!”
“Oh.”
Nina sat back down.
“Yeah, ‘oh’,” Keedie slumped beside her twin as she spoke.
They sat there for a while; the silence now bit heavier.
“Does Addie know?” Nina asked after a while.
“Yeah, and she wants to give her a chance,” Keedie fell on her back on the bed, covering her face with her hands.
“She always was the more forgiving one of us.”
“But sometimes it can be more harmful than good.”
“You think Bonnie is going to keep trolling?”
Keedie shook her head. She knew, or at least hoped, that Bonnie wasn’t doing the trolling out of maliciousness. But it didn’t change the fact that she had done it anyway.
“I don’t think so, but I do think this won’t be the last we see of her either. Addie thinks she could help her,” Keedie lifted her hands away from her eyes. “Wanna hear the worst part of this all?”
Nina turned to her sister, who didn’t meet her eyes.
“I was happy to see her.”
“What?”
“Of course, not because of all the awful things she did or said! But when we were just having fun, it felt like I got my best friend back.”
Nina was thinking of an answer when the door downstairs creaked open.
“Addie’s home,” Keedie stood up to go greet the youngest of Darrow family, but as she was about to step outside the room, Nina stopped her.
“Wait,” Nina sighed as she stood up. “Just be careful.”
“I know. I’ll keep an eye on Addie.”
“No, I mean you too,” Nina clarified. “Keep an open heart and all that but please just be careful too.”
Keedie gave Nina a caring smile.
“I will, I promise.”