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Crack! Thud!
16 trees. Shen Qingqiu had witnessed 16 trees crumbling under the pressure of the strong winds so far. That may not sound surprising to most people, but the trees that grew in Qing Jing peak - especially those that grew along the top, where most cultivators lived - tended to have very strong constitutions.
They grew in soil abundant in spiritual energy and were used to receiving all kinds of collateral blows and blasts from the students that trained in the area. In fact, it was considered a rite of passage for any budding cultivator to be able to take down one of these spiritual trees without the use of any weapon. This was because they yielded to neither sword nor axe, and could only be toppled over with the use of spiritual qi.
But during these past few days, Cang Qiong mounting had been experiencing an onslaught of constant thunderstorm that were abnormally fierce. Or, as Liu Qingge would call it, “a case of bad weather.”
Just some bad weather, my ass. Thought Shen Qingqiu. Maybe your thick head wouldn't feel anything after being struck by lightning, but the rest of us can’t say we feel the same way!
A few students had already been thrown about and injured by the violent winds, so classes were cancelled for the time being. Only teachers and advanced cultivators were allowed to venture outside, usually to collect resources or patrol the area. After all, it wasn’t unheard of for the Demon Realm to take advantage of such chaos to attempt infiltrating the twelve peaks.
Unlike fighting an enemy in the flesh, however, lightning and strong winds were not as easy to perceive and were impossible to fight against. And it was precisely because so many disciples were ignorant of the full brutality of nature that a few had fallen victim to it and gotten themselves seriously injured. There was even one such case of a student who had been blown off his sword whilst flying from peak to peak and who hadn’t been found for 2 whole days.
Needless to say, Shen Qingqiu’s disciples were under strict lockdown.
This greatly frustrated the favored Luo Binghe. You see, most of the techniques that were taught at Qing Jing peak were designed to be performed in large, open spaces, and were destructive enough that no one wanted to risk practicing indoors. As such, Qing Jing peak could boast about it’s extremely refined and aesthetically pleasing classrooms, personal rooms, kitchens, bathrooms, and dining areas… but it couldn’t speak of any indoor areas dedicated to exercising, training or meditating, because it had none.
And so, Luo Binghe had been stuck inside for several days now, being unable to train in any significant way, and had grown massively bored.
“Shizun, are you still hungry? I can make more congee!”
“Shizun, do you need me to reorganize your scrolls again?”
“Shizun, this disciple will gladly finish this paperwork for you if you let him.”
Shizun… Shizun… Shizun…
On Shen Qingqiu’s behalf, he wasn’t quite sure how to tell Binghe to leave him alone without embarrassing him.
That was until, one day, Shen Qingqiu realized there was no need to reject the boy’s requests outright. He could simply outsmart him.
“Binghe, come here.” he said, as Binghe followed him. They made their way to Shen Qingqiu’s room and sat across from each other at the table.
“This master has been observing for some time now how good you are at sewing clothes, and he thinks you have a natural talent for it. Do you enjoy needlework, Binghe?”
“Shizun thinks I’m good at sewing?” Binghe’s eyes shone like stars at the praise.
“Mhmmm”
“Well, my mother was the one who taught me. I used to have to sew a lot when I was still living with her…”
Uncomfortable with the melancholic turn that this conversation was taking, Shen Qingqiu decided to redirect it. “Indeed, it shows. Your work is immaculate! Whatever clothes you touch end up lasting longer and looking better after you fix them than they originally did when they were created. I believe that you have the potential to become a professional at it in the future!”
Binghe could hardly contain his excitement. “Ah, thank you so much, shizun! This humble disciple is more than happy to put his skills to use for whatever shizun may need!”
“Hmmmm, well, I was just thinking…”
“Yes?”
“Since there aren’t a lot of sewing jobs that need to be tended to in Qing Jing peak normally, how do you feel about other similar crafts like embroidery and crocheting?”
“Oh? Does Shizun have chores for me?”
“Well, I wouldn’t call them chores, per se,” Even though I seriously hope you take my advice anyways “but rather, fun little projects that I think you’ll enjoy. You see, there are some books in the library which I find very interesting. They talk about all sorts of different traditional dolls, what they represent, how they are supposed to be used and taken care of, how they’ve evolved throughout time... But none of them ever go into detail on exactly how they were created, how to make them yourself by hand.”
“So, a few weeks ago, when I descended the mountain to look for goods to bring back, I happened to chance upon a manual on how to crochet. It came with many examples of how to create dolls and other small trinkets. Of course, I didn’t tell anyone, but I still bought it anyways. Shamefully, this master has not yet found the motivation to begin practicing these crafts himself.”
“I had initially wanted to learn how to crochet small figurines to use as decorations. It might sound a bit unprofessional, but I couldn’t help but feel like they would bring a lot of life to some of the more dull interiors around here...”
Binghe listened to him with rapt attention.
“Considering how you’re already so good at needlework, and how you don’t have a lot on your plate right now, how would you like t-“
“Yes!!!” exclaimed Binghe, before he could control himself. “Uh… I-I… this disciple meant to say that he would be glad to make such trinkets on your behalf, shizun…”
Shen Qingqiu had to press his fan to his face so his uncontrollable smile wouldn’t betray him. “I’m glad to hear that.”
He got up and walked to his personal collection of books and grabbed the manual in question. After that, Binghe took it and hurried back to his own room to get to work, but not before quickly brewing Shen Qingqiu some more tea.
Ah, that should keep him occupied for a while, thought Shen Qingqiu, finally, some peace and quiet.
He went and laid on his bed to rest and enjoy his solitude for a while.
______
OR NOT!
After several days of having to put up with his favorite pupil constantly bugging him about this or that other thing because he had nothing important to do, Shen Qingqiu had thought that giving Binghe a highly time-consuming and solitary task would surely bring him the peace of mind he had been desperately seeking for. But in the end, all it meant was that he was left alone with his own thoughts for far too many hours a day.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t just Binghe who was suffering the consequences of the lockdown. Shen Qingqiu had initially found comfort in reading, writing, and napping all day. It was no secret, after all, that deep down all that the Qing Jing peak lord really wanted to do with his life was spend it idling away to old age. It’s what he had always done, and having to stay indoors hadn’t changed his routine nearly as drastically as it had changed the students’.
But after a week of relentless weather, even Shen Qingqiu found himself getting bored and wanting to go outside to get some fresh air. He could, of course, do that. But he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea…
You see, at the very start of the lockdown Shen Qingqiu had decided to go retrieve some wood that had been left outside, to bring it into the student’s quarters. It should have been as simple as flying down the mountain for 2 minutes and the flying right back up. But unexpectedly, just as he was soaring through the skies, he suddenly felt some mild chest pain, and his leg muscles tensed.
“Fuck!” he exclaimed, unable to find his balance again and plunging to the ground. It hadn’t been a very big fall, but it was still unexpected. Shen Qingqiu tried to get up from the disgusting muddy ground he had fallen on, but he found he had very little energy left, and simply lifting his torso up took a lot of effort.
Without-a-Cure.
Of course I’d have a flare up now. Screw you, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky! What kind of sick fuck comes up with an incurable and twisted illness like this anyways?!
Shen Qingqiu spent the next hour trudging uncomfortably through the mud to retrieve the wood and get back to his own living quarters, so he could clean himself properly before visiting the students’ quarters to drop off the goods. He could have probably gone a lot faster, if his condition didn’t make it as such that he could barely move his tense and tired muscles. By the time he had made it back to his own room he was exhausted, cold, and convinced that he didn’t want to go outside ever again, thank you!
Binghe had looked at him strangely that day after he came back home, asking him about what had happened. But what was Shen Qingqiu supposed to say to that? Admit that his illness had turned a small 5-minute chore into a 1-hour ordeal? Say that he's so weak that he got easily pushed off his sword by the winds? Tell Binghe that he had been distracted and accidentally hit a tree?!?!
In the end, Shen Qingqiu thought that the best way to preserve his dignity against his future nemesis was to simply leave the question unanswered.
When Binghe offered to take the wood for him to where it belonged, Shen Qingqiu had felt even more insecure. He hurriedly cleaned up and went right back down to the student’s quarters, ignoring the way his entire body protested and demanded he just go straight to bed.
Ever since that day, Shen Qingqiu had selfishly started assigning all outdoor tasks that he would have previously managed himself to his top students, the ones who he was confident could cope with the bad weather.
Well, most of them anyways. Binghe still had to stay inside to take care of the household chores for his peak lord, of course.
Shen Qingqiu had initially thought that he could put the incident with Without-a-Cure behind him. It’s not like anyone had seen him embarrassingly trudging through ankle-deep mud for an hour straight anyways. And thank god for that! He would have lost far too much face!
But no matter how much Shen Qingqiu tried to ignore the events of that day, they affected him deeply, and now, after being left alone with his thoughts for so long, it all started to catch up to him.
A downpour of rain that hardly let him walk without slipping. Icy air that felt like it was frying his nerves. Cracks of thunder that felt too close for comfort, leaving his ears in pain, his hairs standing on end, and his head throbbing. A tree falling suddenly from mere meters away from him. Winds that threw him off his feet. A heartbeat that refused to settle down. It hadn’t seemed so bad at first when he retrieved the wood, but the panic soon settled in as he started walking uphill and he realized how difficult it was to move even a few steps.
There were moments Shen Qingqiu felt he really couldn’t move his body anymore, moments where he was genuinely afraid that he would get left stranded as his illness rendered him too weak to fight the will of nature. He had wanted to yell for somebody to come help him, for he had been stuck kneeling in the mud for a while. But not only would nobody be able to hear him, even if they could, Shen Qingqiu would have never actually committed to asking for help.
If the Qing Jing peak lord couldn’t so much as go retrieve some wood, couldn’t so much as brave the weather, couldn’t go out on such a simple mission without his illness incapacitating him completely, then what good was he anyways?!
Perhaps Shen Qingqiu should have left the wood behind and looked for shelter, but then what excuse could he offer for himself? That he had been too weak to bring the goods back? That the wood had gone missing? It was no use. A true peak lord would never be so pathetic. They would simply use their powers to cut down some more wood and bring it back anyways. If Shen Qingqiu’s illness was so powerful and unpredictable that he was almost left defeated by the wind and a few logs, then he might as well pack up his things and leave!
No, he would never admit out loud what happened to him that day. He simply didn’t speak of it. But much to his dismay, this seemingly insignificant event came back to haunt him in the following days. Because of course it would.
So, whilst Binghe was having the time of his life completing his shizun’s request to learn crocheting and make some cute trinkets, Shen Qingqiu found that every day the weather was becoming more and more intolerable to him, occupying his mind, creating insecurities and anxieties he had never so much as thought about before.
One such afternoon, when Shen Qingqiu was suddenly frightened by the sound of a nearby thunderstrike, he called Binghe over to keep him company. Shen Qingqiu was pouring some tea in Binghe’s cup when the boy said something unexpected.
“Shizun, are you ok? You look a little pale right now.”, his student asked, hesitantly.
Despite knowing that Binghe was a very perceptive person, Shen Qingqiu had still been left speechless for a few moments by just how quickly he had caught on. “Of course, this master has probably spent too long indoors these days, hahahaha”.
Binghe didn’t look like he believed him very much, but he didn’t ask any more questions.
After that, Shen Qingqiu tried to start another conversation, rambling about whatever gossip was going on in the twelve peaks these days (not that he liked to talk about those things, of course!), but even then Binghe’s concerned expression never faded. It also didn’t escape Shen Qingqiu how his student’s eyes kept landing on his hand every now and then. Only after a while of this happening did he realize that it was because they were shaking quite noticeably, and so he subtly hid them in his sleeves.
“Well, that’s what Qi Qingqi told me anyways, haha…”
But despite trying so hard to maintain an interesting conversation, Binghe did not reciprocate.
Ironically, Shen Qingqiu had called Binghe to his room in the hopes that his reassuring presence would help calm his nerves a little bit, but not only was Binghe acting unusually distant, Shen Qingqiu also felt oddly… exposed. It was making him even more nervous. He quickly wrapped up the conversation and excused his disciple, going back to his own bed in the hopes that a nap would help clear his mind instead.
In the comfort of his sheets, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but notice how the room started feeling a little warmer and became unusually quiet. But before he had time to ponder about why that was, he found himself drifting to sleep.
_____
Crack! Thud!
Shen Qingqiu woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of the 17th tree in Qing Jing peak that had crumbled since the beginning of the thunderstorms. It just so happened to be a particularly tall one, and one that almost cause damage to his humble bamboo home upon crashing down.
Why did counting them matter?
Well, even in his past life Shen Yuan had always been a bit of a control freak. If he could understand and ascertain whatever scary situation he was put it, then he could feel more confident in his abilities to approach it properly. As long as he felt like he knew what he was doing, he would remain calm.
But natural disasters were one of the few “scary situations” in life where one couldn’t simply predict what was going to happen and make a concrete plan. Even if you theoretically knew what to do in those situations, that didn’t guarantee your safety. One wrong move could cost you everything, and sometimes survival was simply a matter of luck. Shen Yuan’s hometown had once experienced a flood when he was little, and whilst no one in his family got seriously hurt, it was an event that forever changed the way he perceived nature.
Ruthless, unpredictable, expansive, beyond comprehension.
So many homes had been damaged, including his own. Shen Yuan still remembered the moment his mother had to drag him out of the house through filthy water that reached up to his chest. To be fair, he had been very small at the time, but that only made it feel all the more terrifying.
Even though he would never go on to witness another natural disaster like that again, there were many days and nights afterwards where his soul had felt mildly disturbed by the sound of the rain, thunder, and strong winds.
Shen Qingqiu had thought that he had already overcome this silly anxiety of his years ago, but not only had his recent experience retrieving wood reactivated it, it had multiplied it!
Fuck me!
Shen Qingqiu had been keeping count of all the trees that were falling, all the thunderstrikes that had struck, the amount of time that had transpired between one downpour of rain and another… all in the hopes of finding a pattern.
He had been hoping that these incidences would naturally decrease in time, which would give him the security of knowing that it would all be over soon. But in reality, whenever everything seemed to be settling down, the weather would suddenly pick up and become even more extreme for no apparent reason.
Shen Qingqiu hardly had the emotional strength to go outside anymore, never mind cross long bridges by foot just to go visit other mountains so as to speak to the other peak lords. And it didn’t seem like they were motivated to come see him in person either.
As such, to each their own. Nobody knew how long this weather would last, or how much worse it could get. All matters related to Qing Jing peak and the care of its residents were left to Shen Qingqiu’s hands alone. Perhaps this wouldn’t have been a problem, if he hadn’t been feeling so small and hopeless recently.
Shen Qingqiu had initially started keeping tabs on the development of the weather hoping to gain some sense of control, but the chaos and unpredictability that he had been left with only served to make him even more anxious as the days went by and nothing seemed to change for the better.
So naturally, upon seeing how yet another tree succumbed to the force of the winds and almost crashed against his roof, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t find the mental peace to simply go back to sleep.
Shen Qingqiu tried to quietly pour himself some tea, sitting on the table and bringing out a small puzzle to occupy his mind with for the time being, when he heard it.
Crack! Thud!
Again?! Now this was starting to make him seriously nervous.
Shen Qingqiu put some outer robes on quickly before going outside to check if this most recent tree had damaged anything. And whilst it didn’t land nearly as close to his house as the previous one had, it had still managed to crash onto some crops that were growing nearby.
Dammit! This is starting to get really annoy-
BOOM!
Shen Qingqiu’s body reacted before his mind had time to register what had happened. He tried to quickly run back inside but the loud crack of thunder had made him become impossibly tense, resulting in him pathetically tripping and falling on the ground.
It sounded so close, when did it get so close?...
Perhaps because the bamboo house’s windows had been closed all night Shen Qingqiu had been unable to perceive the full magnitude of the noise that surrounded his humble abode, but the longer he stayed outside scared stiff, the louder the thunder and the rain seemed to become, until the sounds completely overwhelmed him.
Shen Qingqiu had originally meant to get back inside as soon as possible, but all he knew right now was that his body felt incredibly weak, his head and heart hurt immensely, and he was struggling to simply breathe.
Stop! Please! I need to get up...
It felt like the torture had gone on forever when suddenly his body felt light, like it had been lifted, and he started floating rapidly in one direction. When the noises suddenly seized all at once, Shen Qingqiu realized he had somehow made it back home.
“Shizun… shizun…” A sweet little voice called for him.
Shen Qingqiu felt himself being lifted again. He was stripped off his outer robes and placed on top of something soft. The person moving him around left briefly, leaving him feeling oddly lonely. But soon enough they came back and lifted him into a sitting position.
“Shizun… please, say something to me.” Shen Qingqiu smelled the scent of tea enveloping his senses. It was warm, familiar, inviting… and it quickly begun to ground him back to reality.
“Shizuuuuun…”
“Hmmmm”
“Ah! Shizun! Are you ok? How do you feel right now?”
Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure how to begin answering that question. Mostly because he wasn’t sure what the hell had happened to him. He certainly felt a heck of a lot better now that he was indoors, but he still felt rather numb, strange, and overwhelmingly lethargic. He felt like he desperately wanted to go to sleep, but like he was also too uneasy to do so.
“This master is just fine… he simply… tripped and hit his head, and needed a moment to bet back to his senses”
Shen Qingqiu got up with a start in an attempt to prove a point about how totally normal and okay he was feeling right now, but he suddenly felt dizzy, and his legs became jelly under him. If it hadn’t been because Binghe saw this and caught him in time, he would have truly fallen and hit his head this time.
“Shizun… are you sure?... Do you need anything?”
Poor child, I’ve gone and worried him for no reason. I should probably just go back to bed now…
“Yes, yes. This master is just a bit disoriented. He just needs to go to bed.”
Shen Qingqiu had been hoping that Binghe would take the hint and let him go so he could walk back to his own bed, but this child didn’t seem to have any regard for his dignity! Binghe carried his barely upright master back to his bed, replenished his water, and went back to his own room, giving Shen Qingqiu a strange glance back before disappearing completely.
Shen Qingqiu finally started properly coming down from whatever that had been. He was warm, safe, and in a relatively quiet place, with his trusty disciple at his side if he ever needed anything. Surely enough, Shen Qingqiu began relaxing, slowly drifting off, until-
BANG!
Shen Qingqiu was once again jolted awake, except this time the house quickly started becoming colder, and the thunderous sounds of the outside world began overwhelming him again. Shen Qingqiu looked to where the sound had come from and saw that the window shutters had been blown wide open by the winds, the lock completely destroyed.
God, when will it ever stop?! I just want a moment of peace!
Whilst Shen Qingqiu’s body grew colder, his eyes became hot. Shen Qingqiu didn’t consider himself to be much of a crier, but in that moment, he felt so anxious and overwhelmed by everything that he had no option but to cry. He was beyond pent-up and frustrated.
But luckily Shen Qingqiu only had to suffer by himself for a few minutes before he heard thar familiar, inviting voice once again.
“Shizun… shizun, are you ok? Did something happen?”
Shen Qingqiu wished he had it within himself to explain what he was feeling. But not only did he not understand himself, how could he bear to speak of such silly fears to his own student? Shen Qingqiu was supposed to be the strong one between them, the one setting an example of tranquility and grace, the one who knew how to deal with all manner of strong and deadly enemies.
Yet in this moment, the “enemy” he was facing had completely overcome him, and he was left in a completely sorry state. The worst part was that he knew perfectly well that he had no reason to be so afraid. How could he ever explain himself?
In this moment of vulnerability, where he desperately needed to feel the warmth of Binghe’s comfort, yet completely lacked the words to ask for it, Shen Qingqiu did something that he would never again admit to doing out loud.
“Shizun, it’s okay if you-” But before Binghe could finish, his shizun grabbed him and pulled him into the bed with him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Shen Qingqiu buried his face into the crook of Binghe’s neck, but didn’t otherwise do or say anything. After Binghe was done recovering from the shock of this sudden forceful embrace, he too wrapped his own arms around his shizun.
Although Binghe still wasn’t entirely sure why Shen Qingqiu was acting the way he was now, he had been noticing something slightly off about his master the past few days. He hadn’t imagined, however, that Shen Qingqiu was so incredibly stressed that he could hardly have a good nights sleep. So although he wanted nothing more than to continue asking questions and provide his shizun with whatever he needed, he figured the best thing to do right now would be to simply go with the flow and allow Shen Qingqiu to hug him until some peaceful rest found him.
Trapped in this slightly awkward hug, Binghe could observe Shen Qingqiu much more intimately than he usually did, could feel the warmth of his fair skin, the way his heartbeats went from frantic to soothing as he slowly went back to sleep.
Binghe waited until he was sure Shen Qingqiu was asleep and then, after contemplating it for a while, started cradling his fingers through his shizun’s hair gently, feeling the silky strands he had always dreamed to touch.
“It’s ok shizun, no matter what you’re afraid of, I’ll always be here to protect you…”
_____
When Shen Qingqiu awoke next morning, he felt oddly refreshed, not a trace of anxiety left in his body. He could smell the faint aroma of the tea that Binghe made for him every morning, and the room was serenely quiet.
Shen Qingqiu looked towards that window with the shutters that had broken last night which had ultimately caused him to suffer a small bout of anxiety. But the shutters were still closed, now being sealed together by a tightly tied string.
How odd, now that I think about it, tonight was the only night that all the windows have been closed.
Before tonight, Shen Qingqiu had been mindful to always keep the windows of the bamboo house open, even if it made him uncomfortable. He had often heard Binghe telling Ning Yingying that he enjoyed the cold air and the sound of rain and thunder, how it brought him a sense of calm and reminded him of his childhood tending to outdoor chores for his mother.
Of course, Binghe would never outright ask Shen Qingqiu to keep the windows open for him, but he didn’t need to. Whenever his disciple would ask him whether he preferred to keep the windows open or closed, Shen Qingqiu would always answer “Please, keep them open! Let some fresh air in!”
Strangely enough, though, Binghe had ignored his command last night.
Shen Qingqiu didn’t have much time to dwell on this, however, because he soon noticed something even more odd. Where he had been holding a short teenager in his arms last night, he now held something much smaller, and softer…
Shen Qingqiu made an inquisitive sound and lifted the object up to get a proper look at it. Upon it’s large and squishy body sat and even bigger head, decorated with several layers of curly hair that converged in a single ponytail. Its face was bright and youthful, with eyes full of a familiar, bright charm. It had a smile that could make anyone want to pet its cheeks, and its tiny arms stretched outwards like they wanted to keep hugging Shen Qingqiu forever.
A doll? A… Luo Binghe doll???
…
…
…
If Shen Qingqiu’s eyes started feeling hot again it’s only because he was feeling tired and nothing else, okay?!
He was not about to cry at the Binghe doll! He was not some young maiden who would crumble at the sight of their favorite character getting chibi-fied, alright? As if he hadn’t lost enough face already!
Still, Shen Qingqiu could at least admire the amazing craftsmanship behind the doll. He couldn’t help but have a vague idea of who had made it. The question was… why exactly had Luo Binghe decided to make a small doll of himself?!
Ha! Only a teenage white lotus and already so full of himself. He hadn’t been learning crocheting for even so much as a week and he had already started making dolls in his own image. Well, that’s the male lead for you…
If Shen Qingqiu kept hugging the doll to his chest even as he got up to go have breakfast, it’s only because he wanted to make sure he was looking after it properly so it wouldn’t get damaged. It was Luo Binghe’s doll after all. As ridiculous and borderline hilarious as it may be, it still would have taken him many hours to craft it, and Shen Qingqiu wanted to give it back in prime condition.
“Shizun, how are you feeling this morning?” Binghe’s soft voice welcomed him as he entered the dining area and sat down, some perfectly served fruits and some tea already prepared for him.
Ah… Binghe, please don’t bring up last night…
Shen Qingqiu considered himself to be one of Airplane’s most dedicated haters to date, but beneath all that loathing and the nasty words he would frequently direct at him, the truth was that Shen Qingqiu was awfully… envious of him in some ways.
For example: Shang Qinghua had a very thick face. A massively thick face. So much so that if he were put in the same situation Shen Qingqiu was in right now, he would probably have all manner of excuses up his sleeve to explain away why he, as a teacher, thought it appropriate to go to sleep whilst hugging his teenage student in bed just because he had been suffering from some anxiety the previous night.
No, wait! If he were Shang Qinghua, he wouldn’t have ended up in this situation in the first place! He would have simply not gone to retrieve the wood at all because he was too incompetent! And even if he did go, he would have been crying to the heavens for help the moment he slipped out of his sword.
Useless!
But Shen Qingqiu’s face was far too thin. It was a miracle he had managed to go undetected the day he suffered a flare-up of Without-a-Cure. But of course, the universe couldn’t let him have his way forever! He had still managed to embarrass himself in front of Binghe time and time again, and even did something completely inappropriate and inexcusable, all because he was too tired and out of it to understand what he was doing at the time. Pah, how stupid could he be?!
“I’m fine Binghe. How is your crocheting going?”
Shen Qingqiu had meant to simply distract Binghe and lead the conversation in another direction, but he realized far too late that he had chosen the wrong topic!
“Ah, I’ve been enjoying it a lot. I’ve made a few dolls now…”
Ever since Shen Qingqiu had entered the room Binghe had been subtly eyeing that doll of his, and he did the same now. Shen Qingqiu figured he probably wanted to talk about it, but talking about it would probably lead to acknowledging what had happened last night, and he wasn’t ready to open that can of worms!
“Uh, yes… I see you've already lent me one of your dolls. This master is eternally grateful! I… should probably give it back now.” Anything to get you to stop talking about it…
“Ah, does Shizun like it? I made it especially for him!” the child couldn't help asking, exhilarated.
“Hmmm, yes, yes, it’s- wait, what?!”
IT WAS FOR HIM?!?!
Upon seeing this violent reaction, Binghe became a little spooked. Afraid that he had overstepped, he started backtracking.
“Uh… this disciple meant to say that… he wanted to make a doll of himself to keep in his own room, but since shizun seemed like he… uh… might’ve benefitted from having it last night, this disciple lent it to him… temporarily.”
Shen Qingqiu tensed. You’re really not gonna let me live down what I did last night, are you?
Binghe also became even more nervous “Ah… I’m so sorry shizun! This disciple has overstepped! I’ll take the doll back now and throw it away, you won’t have to see it again!”
As much as Binghe trusted Shen Qingqiu with his life, his shizun had once been the type of person who would turn to anger and violence at the drop of a hat. He couldn’t help the way he became anxious the moment he thought he had offended him in some way…
Binghe made a move to pull the offending object away, but surprisingly, he found that Shen Qingqiu was putting up some resistance, trying to keep the doll in his embrace.
“Binghe, wait… I… This master isn’t offended that you gave him the doll. Actually, this master thinks it’s a very nice doll. The craftsmanship is… very advanced for your level.”
Luo Binghe listened attentively to what his master was saying and relaxed, but couldn’t stop himself from anxiously holding onto the doll regardless.
“Shizun… likes it?”
Shen Qingqiu gave the doll a once over and smiled at him warmly “Yes, it’s very lovely, Binghe. But I know that it’s yours, so if you want it, you should keep it.”
And just like that Shen Qingqiu let go of the doll, and Binghe pulled it back to himself. Everything appeared to have been resolved by now and yet Binghe couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied, like he wanted to know more.
“Um… shizun… how much do you like it? Would you like to keep it?”
Dear child, how can you expect me to answer that honestly? Bemoaned Shen Qingqiu, internally.
“It’s nice, but it’s yours.”
These words didn’t comfort Binghe nearly as much as they should have. He tried to rack his brain on what to say to redirect this awkward conversation when he had an idea.
“Shizun, how about we put it up in the living room?” The living room was a shared space between Shen Qingqiu’s and Binghe’s rooms. Not that they were all that separated to begin with, but Binghe thought that if his shizun liked his doll deep down, then why take the privilege of being able to see it away from him?
“What? As a decoration?” Shen Qingqiu laughed. “I suppose that was technically that original idea.”
And so, from then on, the doll was set up on top of the table in the living room. At arm’s length so they could play with it whenever they lounged around or had tea together. Although they both tried to tiptoe around it at first, in the end the doll ended up getting poked and prodded quite often, moved around from place to place and admired. And if shizun would sometimes take the doll with him to his room during stormy nights when he thought his disciple was already sleeping and wouldn't notice, who was Binghe to say anything about that?