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Matthew knew it was a bad idea from the start. He wasn't even in the apartment ten minutes when the proverbial fur started flying, and while he may have seen his brother and future brother-in-law fussing at each other more than once, he'd never seen them quite this wound up and having a full blown, knock-down drag-out argument before.
He was used to Alfred calling him to whine about how Arthur didn't understand him and was much too set in his ways but 'oh he's just so beautiful and I just want to make him happy, why won't he let me make him happy, Matt?'. Being the "good" twin, he had no choice but to listen and pat his poor, stupid brother on the head and tell him to keep at it. Good things were worth fighting for, and it was clear to anyone who knew the two fools that Alfred and Arthur were pretty much made for each other, no matter what spats they got into.
But usually Matthew would only hear about these arguments over the phone or through texts. Sometimes Alfred would come over to whine and drink all of his good beer. He was never actually present to any of these altercations, but now he could safely say that he hoped it never happened again.
It started when Alfred invited him over to play video games. Nothing strange about that really. The two of them lived in the same city, but with the both of them having rather busy schedules, they only really got to spend time together every now and again. Whenever they did manage to find the time, it would be for something mundane and relaxing, like just watching movies and hanging out. So it should have been simple. At least it was, until he arrived, and his knock on the door was answered by a very unhappy looking Arthur Kirkland, his face a mask of complete and utter fury.
"Oh, hello, Matthew."
Matthew wondered if he had the right address and maybe he'd just made a terrible, awful mistake, but Alfred came up out of no where and dragged him inside, advising him to just 'ignore Mr. Crabbypants'. Matthew could swear Arthur was going to smite the both of them with the look he gave them on their way to the living room.
Alfred himself looked almost as normal as he usually did, but the tense way he laughed and spoke betrayed the fact that he was not quite as happy as he was pretending to be either. It appeared this had been going on all day.
Once his brother's fiancé disappeared into the kitchen to make tea for them (or throw dishes around, it was hard to tell what the hell he was doing in there, what with all the racket), Matthew then found out after a few carefully placed questions that Alfred had forgotten their anniversary.
"What is this, a bad sitcom?" Matthew asked, only being half facetious.
"I didn't mean to! I even promised to take him out tomorrow! And like, I hardly ever see you, I see him everyday--"
"Are you an idiot?"
"It's not like I don't take him out on dates and do nice shit for him, like, every day already--"
"Are you an idiot?" Matthew repeated, giving his brother a look that said he already knew the answer. Alfred's expression crumbled, and that answered it for him too. He had fucked up, badly, and he knew it. His poor, idiot twin.
Arthur came out of the kitchen to quite literally slam two cups of suspicious looking tea down in front of them. Matthew wasn't going to drink that and risk getting poisoned by association. Alfred appeared to have the same thought as he looked up at Arthur, carefully avoiding touching the beverages.
"Thanks, babe..."
"Don't you 'babe' me, you fucking tosser!"
"Arthur, come on, don't do this! We have a guest!" Alfred said, like he suddenly gave a shit about manners all of a sudden. Matthew would have snorted, but that probably would have been a bad idea just then.
On cue, Arthur looked towards him venomously. "Yes. Apologies. Good to see you, Matthew."
"O-Oh, yes, same her--"
"It certainly would have been nice, though, to have known we were having company with more than half an hour before dinner!"
"You always make way more than anyone even wants to eat anyway, what's the big deal!"
"The big deal is that it's common fucking courtesy!"
Alfred stood up, knocking against the table and sending some of the tea sloshing over the side. Matthew stared at the puddle for a long moment, anything to avoid looking at the two of them.
"You wanna talk about courtesy? Why would you wait until the middle of the afternoon to tell me you had plans for dinner?"
Arthur gasped and Matthew cringed. Goddammit Alfred. "Oh, I'm so terribly sorry for assuming my fiancé would remember today, since it's supposed to be significant, but apparently only one of us actually cares about such things!"
"Now you know that's not true--"
"How is it not? You're so bloody inconsiderate Alfred, I can hardly bear it sometimes! Like this morning, when I specifically asked you to rinse out the sink after you finished shaving, how many more times do I have to tell you--"
Matthew was really starting to think this was a sitcom.
"God, you're still pissed about that?! You said you weren't mad!"
"I'm not mad about that, but it's the principle of the matter!"
"You are so totally mad. You always hold grudges!"
"Well maybe if you weren't such a clueless bastard--!"
"At least I'm not the one walking around with a stick up my ass all the time!"
"I'm sure you don't, there isn't much room up there what with your head occupying it the majority of the time!"
Matthew sighed and finally picked up the tea. Perhaps if it was poisoned, then he could die and put himself out of his current misery.
The argument continued, with the both of them airing grievances, matching each other's ferocity and perhaps spilling far too much information-- honestly, he never had any interest in his brother's (apparently extremely active) sex life, so he really didn't need to know about how Alfred was too rough and left too many marks or how Arthur was just too kinky sometimes and how Alfred was sick of always being the one wearing the handcuffs. That set him off dinner for tonight and perhaps the next century and a half.
As their voices escalated, so did the tension in the air, until finally he wondered if he should perhaps take cover underneath the furniture. They were practically in each other's faces now, and Arthur looked like he was about to burst into tears, trembling from the sheer effort of holding himself back. Alfred was watching him pointedly, refusing to back down despite the toll it was clearly taking on the both of them.
They both finally paused to breathe, just staring at each other.
"If I really am such a burden to you Alfred, then... then perhaps we are done here!" Arthur said finally, as his hand shot to the ring that sat shining on his finger.
Alfred looked only slightly less worse for wear, eyes trained on the ring as well, but he also had a rather odd look on his face, "Yeah, maybe we are."
Matthew sat up straighter in his chair with his cup of tea halfway to his face, frowning.
Alfred, what are you doing. Don't just throw away the best thing that's ever happened to you, you idiot don't you dare--
Arthur looked like he hadn't been expecting that response, floundering for a half a second and looking completely crushed.
"F-Fine then! Just take what's yours and leave!"
He abruptly turned away with his arms folded, with a very telling sniffle, tugging at the ring on his finger as if to remove it.
"I will!" Alfred said.
And then, before Matthew could even blink, his brother swooped forward, grabbed the other man around the waist, lifted him bodily off of his feet, and tossed him over his shoulder as he stormed towards the front door like a man on a mission.
Arthur's indignant squawk and spluttering was all Matthew could make out as he sat there, lukewarm tea in his hand spilling onto the carpet as he stared after them. He could still hear Arthur's cursing and ranting echoing down the hallway, followed by the cheerful 'ping!' of the elevator.
...Are they coming back?
He sat there for about fifteen more minutes before deciding that no, they would not be returning. So like a good guest, he cleaned up the spilled tea, took the dishes to the kitchen, grabbed his coat, and left, closing the door securely behind him. He debated whether or not to take the stairs or elevator, but thankfully Arthur and Alfred both made that decision for him, as before he could even hit the button, the doors slid open and revealed them wrapped around each other and sucking face like it was a new Olympic sport.
He took the damned stairs and made a resolution to buy Alfred a new day planner so such little accidents never happened again.