Chapter Text
Lu Sicheng couldn’t remember the first time someone approached him, wanting to be his friend, because of who his family was. But he knew it was before he even started school.
He’d lost count how many times it had happened by the time he was twelve.
As he grew older, the reasons for people to approach him multiplied. Whether it be in the name of friendship, help with studies, romantic interest, etc., all people ever really saw him as was a good-looking face, a full wallet, or as family connections.
A means to an end. A trophy. A path for personal gain.
No one knew who he actually was.
And he hated it. He hated every second of it. He detested the fake smiles and fake friendliness. He loathed the big and small deceits and schemes. The varied attempts at forcing intimacy and closeness.
All he ever wanted was peace. To go to school in peace. To game in peace. To exist in society in peace.
Lu Sicheng found that the best way for him to achieve that peace was to check out. To build walls and distance himself from other people. Which was why, at the age of 25, he still had never had any real personal relationships. Dating or girlfriends? Absolutely not. Close friends? Few to none. Casual friends? What were those?
He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a one on one conversation with a woman, besides his mom, that wasn’t work related.
The closest he got to having a real friend was Lee Kun Hyeok aka Hierophant. And their relationship was …complicated, to say the least.
He was friendly with his teammates. They were on good terms, but there was still a barrier between them. A separation that couldn’t ever really be overcome. He was their captain and a partial owner of the team. He was never really one of them, but above them. He had deciding power both in the game and out of the game. In some ways, he could be seen as more of their boss rather than a teammate.
No one ever talked about the distance between Lu Sicheng and the rest of the team, but everyone was aware of it. Cognizant of it looming over their every interaction.
The guys often tried to act as if they weren’t aware of the walls separating Sicheng from them. They would joke with him or try to bring him into their shenanigans, but they were always careful to not cross the line. That didn’t stop them from treating ‘Cheng ge’ as a wallet from time to time. That didn’t bother him though. Most of the time.
Even so, he was more or less comfortable with the team and they were comfortable with each other. Until Ming’s wrist never fully recovered after his injury the year before. They all grew a little uneasy as his pain seemed to increase and his in-game endurance decreased. Though Ming didn’t say it out right, they knew it wouldn’t be long before he wouldn’t be able to play professionally any more. They knew he was going to retire sooner rather than later.
So when Xiao Rui and Ming announced that Ming was retiring as a player as soon as the spring finals were done in a few days no one was overly surprised. They were shocked, however, to learn they had already asked another player to join the team. Someone with the ID Smiling.
They all played enough ranked matches that you started see a lot of reoccurring IDs, especially in the higher levels of the Korean server. Sicheng was sure that he had played a match or two with Smiling at some point, but couldn’t really recall anything about them or if they had even won or not. So he didn’t think much of it until Xiao Rui cleared his throat, made sure he had their attention, and stated, “Smiling is a girl.”
The din was deafening as exclamations of shock reverberated around the room. Sicheng barely managed to maintain his calm, almost emotionless, expression.
Xiao Rui, looking quite pleased with himself for inciting said ruckus, waited for everyone to quiet down before continuing, “Smiling is a good mid. Ming and I have been watching her play for a while now and we like her style. We’ve asked her to meet with us and join the team. She hasn’t given us a definite answer yet. It must be a little daunting to join a team where she would be the only girl, so we get her hesitation. She will be coming to the final to watch us play against CK and will give us her final decision then.”
He paused.
“This isn’t something we did lightly. Her play style, skill, and the size of her champion pool make us think she is the best one for our team. However. Smiling being female will impact you guys. Expect more media coverage. Expect more scrutiny. Expect our dynamic to change. I’m sure there will be a lot of change. I know you all have a lot to think about. Go find some footage of her matches (some of her live streams are saved on her weibo). Think it over and get back to me if you have any questions or worries.”
Xiao Rui started to turn away before adding, “Oh! But don’t let this interfere with your preparations for the final next week.” And with a smile, Xiao Rui quickly left the room.
With Xiao Rui gone, the others began talking amongst themselves, throwing out question after question, without getting any answers.
”Have you played with her before?”
“Would she live here with us?”
“What is it like to live with a girl?”
“Does this mean I need to actually get dressed before leaving my room for breakfast?”
”Does she even know how to play as a team instead of a solo player?”
”Will she be able to fit in with us?”
”Ming, what is she like??”
”Ack! Which room will be hers? We’ll need to decorate it for her!”
Sicheng left before they could try to turn any of their questions to him. He went upstairs to his room and closed the door behind him. Once he was sure he was alone, he let out a small, strangled sound of confusion, stress, concern, and so much more. He started pacing the length of the room and rubbing his face with his hands, trying to clear his mind.
A girl.
All he knew was that girls usually caused disturbances. They (or their mothers) were usually pushy and clingy and thought that being helpless would endear themselves to him.
What if this one was just like the others? What if she fell in love with him? What if she got jealous of the attention that fans showed him? What if she acted like an idiot to get him to help her and get closer to him? What if she caused drama amongst their teammates? What if, what if, what if, what if….
He felt like he was spiraling. His mind was whirling and thoughts were coming and going quicker than he could really handle. The worst part is that there was no one he could really talk to about this. Since Smiling hadn’t officially joined ZGDX or been announced to the public, he couldn’t talk to anyone outside the team about it and he couldn’t let anyone inside the team know he was struggling. They had to think he was strong, unflappable. If Sicheng was worried, they’d probably panic.
Fuck.
He dropped down to his bed and buried his head in his hands. How he wished he had said yes when Xiao Rui had asked months if Sicheng wanted to help seek out promising new mids.
———————
Over the next few days, Sicheng quietly watched his teammates, trying to get a read on how they felt about a girl potentially joining their team.
Little Fatty was by far the most vocal of the bunch. He talked constantly about he had never had a sister and didn’t know how to live with a girl. He was nervous he would do something wrong. In the next breath, he would talk about how they could decorate Smiling’s room to make her feel welcome. He was almost giddy as he researched ‘what room decor do young women like?’ He would say things like “do all girls like pink?” as he looked at duvets online.
Everyone else seemed to be withholding judgment until they met her in person. Or at least they weren’t voicing their opinions out loud. Sicheng thought Old K looked hesitant. Like he was scared that their dynamic would change. Sicheng knew K’s family life sucked and he’d came to think of this team as a sort of psuedo family. Sicheng could understand being worried that someone new, girl or boy, would potentially throw off their vibes. Old Cat seemed to just enjoy the drama of it all. He would loudly read posts that Smiling made on weibo or show off clips from her livestreams (which was always just game play since she didn’t ever show her face).
Ming was excited. At least, that is what he showed. Sicheng suspected that Ming allowed Smiling to occupy any spare mental space he had so that he didn’t have to confront the reality of his pending retirement.
———————
They lost.
They had all been ready for it. Ming’s wrist declined rapidly, especially with how long their rounds against CK had been.
The CK captain had been acting erratically though. One minute he was on top of it and smashing them all to pieces and the next he was completely incompetent. After each round, Sicheng took a look at the other team’s stats to try to understand what was going on, but couldn’t reach any conclusions.
Everyone gathered in the room reserved for ZGDX after the last round. They were mourning their loss, celebrating (and mourning) Ming, and were excited to hear that Smiling had officially signed on. The noise, exuberance, and overflowing emotion soon became too much for Sicheng. He slipped out and escaped to what he knew to be a quiet stair well. He sat down on the top step and pulled out a sucker.
It might seem odd to others to see a 6 foot tall, attractive, wealthy man sitting on stairs, sucking on a lollipop which was why he typically hid away before indulging in candy. Candy had become his vice of choice lately but what he really wanted was a good smoke.
He was enjoying a moment of peace and quiet when two loud voices disrupted the tranquility. He didn’t want to interrupt them so he stayed put and had no choice but to listen in.
It was obviously a guy and a girl. The guy’s voice sounded very familiar…
“I’m not interfering with your business. How dare I? I’m just wondering why you didn’t tell me that you wanted to play professionally.”
”Why would I tell you?” the girl retorted.
“What do you mean why? Wouldn’t it be better if you had come to my team rather than ZGDX? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do have a good mid now and you don’t want to be here just staring at the drinking fountain or sitting on the cold bench. But, I’m here.”
Ah - it was Yang god. And it seems he was talking to someone joining team ZGDX. Sicheng’s anxiety about Smiling joining the team skyrocketed. She had drama with other professional players and she hadn’t even started yet.
“And who are you? Why would I want to join a team that you play on?”
“What! Tong Yao, you say that again! What do you mean, who am I?! I taught you all your game knowledge! The game in your computer was downloaded by me! I had to learn about you turning pro through Weibo, dammit!”
Although, Yang god was really sounding like a whiny ass bitch so maybe the problem wasn’t Smiling at all.
Yang god continued to talk at the girl. “You better talk nicely. What do you mean you told me before you posted on Weibo, that was only a difference of a few damn seconds?! Damn, Tong Yao, aren’t you afraid that I could die from anger?!”
Yang god’s voice had steadily gotten louder to the point that Sicheng stood up and silently moved down the stairs. Not enough to be seen, but close enough to interfere if he needed to. He didn’t think that Yang god would get violent, but he wasn’t going to take any chances.
Smiling, or Tong Yao apparently, was not provoked by him. Instead she responded calmly, “Is this why you were giving away kills throughout the whole game?”
“Wasn’t that a good thing? I could have given your future team a Spring championship.”
Sicheng scowled. No honorable person treated the game and their profession in such a flippant manner.
Tong Yao remained silent for a beat before responding. “This was Ming’s retirement game. No one wanted your lousy maneuvering to drag the game down. Show some respect.”
Her cold voice carried up the staircase as she continued, “And what championship? Who wants it from you? We’re capable of getting it ourselves.”
Sicheng would have whistled in appreciation if he had been alone. Maybe bringing her on wouldn’t be a bad thing after all.
“I’m leaving now if there’s nothing else. It doesn’t concern you that I’m playing pro now. Isn’t it baffling that the news would make you this excited? Just focus on your game.”
Sicheng heard the door to the stairwell close followed by a smash, as if someone below kicked or hit something. Sicheng casually and calmly walked down the stairs to see Jian Yang pacing on the small landing. His sudden appearance made Yang god simultaneously jump and hang his head in embarrassment.
”So you and our new mid know each other?” Sicheng asked with seeming disinterest.
Yang god gave a short nod. ”You heard all that?”
”Hard not to. There was something about your lousy maneuvering making Ming god look bad?”
Jian Yang grimaced and looked away.
“Interesting.” Sicheng said as he too moved to open the door to the staircase.
Yang god turned back to him with a questioning look.
“Her.” Sicheng stated simply before closing the door behind him and leaving the other player alone in the stairwell.
He allowed a small smile to slip out as he made his way back to his team room. This Tong Yao was very different from the women (and many men) he had encountered. She seemed to be strong willed and determined to do things on her own merit rather than ride the coattails of others.
How refreshing.
——————
Later that day, Sicheng was on his way back to his hotel room when a short girl followed him on to the elevator. In truth, he didn’t know if she was a girl or a woman. He couldn’t tell how old she was since her face was mostly obstructed but she seemed young. She’d have to be young at that height. Actually, from the part of her he could see, she kind of resembled the girl he saw the day before that had foolishly thought that putting a bottle of water one shelf higher in the grocery store was a good hiding spot.
He saw that she was barely holding on to two large grocery bags and was struggling to keep them balanced in her arms. Her dilemma became more pronounced when she tried to move around the bags to press the button for her floor. He watched her try for several seconds. He tilted his head to the side, wondering why she didn’t just put her bags down to reach the button she needed. He also wondered how long it would take her to turn to him and give him that pleading look and say with a sickly, sweet voice, “oh please help me, tall, handsome man” that he had heard so often.
But she never did. Instead, it seemed like she was trying her hardest to cut him out of her line of sight entirely.
Eventually, Sicheng couldn’t watch any longer and let out a curt, “floor?”
She appeared a little disgruntled. Almost like she didn’t want to tell him which button to press. A reluctant, “….46” was uttered before she shrank back into the corner of the elevator. An awkward silence prevailed after he pressed the small 46 for her.
He briefly glanced at her before determinedly looking forward. He was trying not to be amused at her stubborn, ineffectual independence. Right as they reached his floor, she abruptly stated, with much confidence, “I can reach it.” He raised his eyebrow at her and said “oh” before leaving the elevator. As the elevator doors closed behind him, he finally let his smile break free. His second one of the day.
“Idiot,” he muttered in a what someone else would have called an amused, almost affectionate tone.
There were times Sicheng wanted to give help to others without them asking for it first. But he often resorted to curt reactions since he honestly didn’t know how to approach people. People approached him. Not the other way around. It made him feel insecure and awkward which in turn made him act even more aloof and distant. He wished he wasn’t this way but it had actually served him pretty well over the years so he didn’t really try to change.
This girl, she didn’t try to buddy up to him. She didn’t act cute. She didn’t act like a fan, wanting a signature. She was actually annoyed that she had to, not ask for, but just accept his help for something as small as pressing a button on an elevator.
That made twice in one day that he had found something a girl had done, interesting. Worthy of note. Something that was very unusual in his experience. Plus, she made him smile after their disappointing (if not unexpected) loss to CK.
Maybe he’d been too harsh on women.
Sicheng was still feeling good when he got the text that the new girl wanted to bring her cat. His mood flipped seeing that she was already being demanding. He was feeling perverse and sent a terse “no way.” She immediately backed off which surprised him. No whining or needling. Hm.
He started to feel bad about being so negative, but now he had to keep it up. He never backed down. Ever.
Instead, he threw his fish under the bus and blamed them for not wanting a cat at base.
Thankfully, Xiao Rui stepped in to shut him down, saying that her cat was more than welcome at base.
—————
After the spring finals, they were all allowed to take it easy for a while. They played when they wanted to, but there were no scheduled skirmishes and the team came and went as they pleased.
They had finished prepping the room for the girl. Sicheng was surprised at how much effort they put into making it up nice. He could only assume they were trying to make her as comfortable as possible living in a new place, surrounded by guys. She was going to be the only one who didn’t share. Sicheng had been sharing with Lu Yue until he skipped out after being suspended for a year. It had been pretty nice to have his own space but he didn’t begrudge Smiling for taking his room. It made sense. He moved into the room where Ming had been before he moved down to the coaches and staff wing of the base.
There was an air of excitement, and maybe a little anxiety, as everyone waited for an unknown to join their team, their home, their lives. Unsure of what to expect.
Sicheng was sitting at his computer, staring blankly at the screen. Everyone else was busy playing their own matches, just as Sicheng had been doing before he decided to go afk (away from keyboard). The random mid he had been paired with was terrible and was banking on Sicheng to carry him to victory. Well, Sicheng would damn well prefer to have his pay docked (yet again) for going afk than allow some loser that couldn’t manage to stay alive for more than 20 seconds benefit from his hard work.
There was a knock at the door of their base. Sicheng looked around and saw that everyone was still preoccupied. He sighed and heaved himself up out of his chair.
He threw the door open, expecting a delivery of some sort, but instead there was a short girl with a suitcase and a cat. The girl looked like she could be the shorty from the other day. She stood still, looking silently back at Sicheng.
After several seconds, she straightened up and waved enthusiastically. “It’s Cheng Ge, it’s Cheng Ge. I didn’t expect you to be the one answering the door. How are you? I’m….”
Slam.
Sicheng had slammed the door shut in annoyance. She must have been a fan after all. How dare she show up here, excitedly calling his name. How’d she get past security?
Disgruntled, he headed back to his computer. First the stupid mid and now a stupid fan.
Old Cat noticed his less than pleasant return and asked, “Why did you close the door? Who was it?”
”Some fan girl came to gank the base.”
Within minutes, he started getting tagged in something on Weibo by multiple people. His social media pages usually stayed pretty quiet. What on earth happened that would cause so many people to be bringing him up?
He opened up Weibo on his phone, promptly dropped it to the table, and ran to the door.
Five minutes later, Sicheng stood stoically to the side while everyone else greeted Tong Yao. Outwardly, he showed no emotion. Almost like he couldn’t even be bothered to feel anything about their new arrival.
In reality, he was actually deeply embarrassed. He was berating himself internally.
”Why didn’t I think that our new, young, female teammate would be the one at the door? With a suitcase?? WITH A CAT? Why would I think she is a fan?? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. You just made an idiot of yourself to your brand new teammate. How is she supposed to respect me know? Oh god, I want to melt away. Shit, I want to go hide. Somewhere. Anywhere but here. Gahhhh. Crap, how’s my face? Be strong. Be aloof. That’s what a captain would do.”
It wasn’t easy to keep his calm mask on. Everyone was glancing over at him. Teasing him. Especially since she’d blasted his embarrassing moment all over Weibo. His phone was still going off non-stop with notifications. Fans calling him out for his behavior. He liked to think that he didn’t care what his fans thought, that he was just himself at all times. This showed him how much he was lying to himself. He was used to people talking about him, but this felt different.
No one ever focused on his flaws. Ever. He was basically untouchable. Except for now. And he hated it. Curse that short demon spawn.
His embarrassment made him be more brusque than normal.
“Delete it.”
She seemed immune to his seething glare that usually sent people running. Instead, she seemed to enjoy defying his orders.
”No.”
”Delete. It.”
”I won’t.”
”I’m telling you for the last time, delete the Weibo post.”
”I definitely won’t.”
Sicheng decided to just cut his losses and pretended it didn’t bother him. He turned back to his computer and returned to playing ranked matches with gusto. He continued while Tong Yao finished her introductions and went to unpack. She had been gone for about 20 minutes when Sicheng felt something brush against his foot. He fought his natural inclination to jump away from the unknown offender, but instead kept incredibly still and glanced down at his feet.
The cat.
Tong Yao must have let him loose when she went to her room. Da Bing? He thought that was its name.
The cat curled up and nestled against his foot. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but her cat seeming to like him did wonders to soothe his embarrassment.
Sicheng continued playing for another 40 minutes with the cat dosing peacefully against his foot. Everyone else scattered so he was alone in the computer area. The quiet, with the reassuring presence of mister cat, helped Sicheng feel calm once more. He was finally back in control of his emotions when Tong Yao appeared at the top of the stairs.
Dammit. He’d been hoping she would take longer to unpack. Even though he was back to himself, he wanted to avoid her as much as possible. He didn’t want to run the chance of doing something else wrong. He also didn’t like the level of uncertainty he felt. Uncertainty was another unfamiliar emotion to him.
Hopefully, she would ignore him like he was trying to ignore her.
He heard a slight gasp behind him before he felt her draw very near to his left side. Once again, he had to use all of his efforts to not jerk away.
”Da Bing! Come here!” She urgently called to the creature resting against his foot. Ha. Maybe she did have some did have some fear of him. She was uneasy with how close her cat was to him. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug at that.
She ended up having to squat and partially go under the table to forcefully remove her cat. She stood up, petting the cat as if to soothe it, and kissed the top of his head
He stopped playing to turn and look at her with one eyebrow raised.
”Uhh…what’s wrong?”
”That cat was just rubbing against my foot with its head,” he said nonchalantly.
”Ok?”
“If it makes you feel better, I did shower this morning.”
Sicheng watched as Tong Yao’s face transformed from confused to disgusted as it dawned on her that she indirectly kissed his foot. He felt true enjoyment as she threw her cat down to furiously wipe at her mouth with her sleeve. He even willing let her see his self-satisfied smile.
He didn’t normally lower himself to retaliate in such a petty way, but, man, did it feel good. He continued looking at her, reveling in his triumph, while she obstinately glared back. Neither one even heard Xiao Rui enter the room.
”Ah, Tong Yao! You’ve put your things away? Perfect.” He turned to Sicheng, “Cheng ge, why don’t you take her to shop for groceries?”
Sicheng managed to swallow his initial reaction of ‘hell no’ but still probably looked surprised at Xiao Rui’s suggestion. He frowned, “I’m busy.”
Xiao Rui looked over Sicheng’s shoulder, “Busy being afk? You’re going to drop rank my friend.”
As team manager, Xiao Rui toed the line with Sicheng more than any other person since Yue was no longer living with them. But Sicheng wouldn’t give into Xiao Rui that easily. “Of course. That’s why I’m busy. The audit for rank is only two days away.” Sicheng really didn’t want to spend any more one-on-one time with Tong Yao than necessary.
“You want to go from Diamond 2 to Masters in two days? Do you think you are a magician?” Xiao Rui asked incredulously.
OK. That was a bad excuse since, even for Sicheng, it was almost impossible to raise your rank that quickly. He tried to quickly think of another reason why he couldn’t take her, but he was drawing a blank.
He stood up, forcing the shorty to tilt her head back to look up at him.
“Go.” Sicheng stated with a hint of command. He waited for her to nod her head before grabbing his keys and heading toward the door.
Tong Yao, whose legs were quite a bit shorter than his, quickly followed behind him.
”Wait, Cheng ge… can I call you Cheng ge?
There was something about this girl that made him feel a little off kilter. Unsettled. He didn’t like people in general, but he usually felt very little towards them unless they got on his nerves. But feeling unsettled and a little unsure was very new to him. He wasn’t even sure how to feel about her calling him Cheng ge and everyone on the team called him that.
Something about her made it harder to maintain his cold facade around. Yet the facade felt natural around most people.
Sicheng decided to try a new tactic since his normal aloofness was off with this one. Maybe it would be better if he switched to outright teasing her. Maybe that is how he maintained distance with her.
“….It’d be more proper to call me dad.”
She whipped around to give him a questioning look.
”Shorty”
He could tell she did not appreciate that. Perfect.
”What shorty?! It’s our fate to meet each other, why are you so hostile?”
Obviously, because fate was a bitch.
”Delete the post.”
”I won’t. You shut the door first.”
”Yeah, well, I didn’t expect our future teammate to be underaged.”
”I’m an adult!”
”Your height is telling me that you’re lying.”
Tong Yao’s only response was a strangled sound of frustration.
Sicheng cheerfully continued his walk to the car, feeling like he had won that conversation.
—————
The ride to the store was quiet. Sicheng was used to silence. He greatly preffered it to small talk. Tong Yao, however, looked uncomfortable. She was not at ease around him and it showed in her posture. She was sitting stiffly with her back ramrod straight and her hand gripping her knees.
Interesting.
He should try to get along with her since they will be playing together. Matches tend to go better when your teammates are all comfortable with each other and rely on each other. On the other hand, encouraging her to feel awkward around him might mean she would keep her distance from him.
A thought Sicheng filed away to think about later.
They arrived at the shopping center and got in the elevator to go up to the grocery store. As Tong Yao pressed the button for the right floor, Sicheng was reminded of the last time they were on an elevator together. And if he had to bet, he’d bet that she didn’t realize he knew it was her on that elevator. She probably thought she avoided him so successfully by hiding behind those bags. ‘Time to prove her wrong’ Sicheng thought with a perverse sense of satisfaction.
“I heard from Xiao Rui that you were there when we were playing the spring finals a couple days ago.”
”That’s right.”
”You stayed in the same hotel as us.”
”…yeah.”
Sicheng withheld a chuckle as he continued to guide to the realization he wanted her to have. “On the 46th floor?”
”Yeah?” A moment later, Tong Yao’s eyes opened wide. Bingo.
”So the stubborn shorty that day was really you.”
”Stubborn?!” Oh, she didn’t like that.
”Stubbornly refusing to admit that you are, indeed, short.”
She gasped and hurriedly followed him out of the elevator.
”It wasn’t like that. You see, I could really reach it that day! I was just carrying too many bags, they were too heavy so I couldn’t reach up…”
Sicheng continued walking without looking down at her. She couldn’t tell but he was thoroughly enjoying himself.