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The room was cool and dark. The only light came from underneath the door. There was a faint voice from beyond the door seeming to belong to Rogue. Logan loved her like his own kid. She practically was, she would call him dad and would tell him everything a daughter would tell her father. She would follow him around everywhere he would allow her. He sat up trying to focus on what she was saying until it went quiet for a moment then her voice was louder in a worried tone. He stood up and ran to the door when he tried to turned the handle, it didn't budge. The door was locked. He slammed his palms against the door and yelling for her. It went quiet again, this made him panic more. The last time this had happened was when Magneto had tried to kill her.
"Logan!"
She was back. This time right on the otherside of the door.
She kept repeating his name and banging on the door with his fist.
He finally shot up off the bed with his claws out. Scott slapped him across the face.
"Get it together man!"
Logan paid no attention to him running to the door and looking out in the hallway.
"Where's Rogue!"
Logan turned around to stare at Scott wanting an answer. Scotts face read a sad apologetic look. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it thinking over what to say. There was silence between them for a second.
"She's gone Logan. You know this. Go back to sleep, it was a nightmare again."
"No no no, she isn't gone she is just in her room sleeping." Logan said as he ran down hall as Scott chasing him.
"Logan, stop you know she is gone. Let it go."
"I can't let her go because she is still here."
He opened her door. There was none of her items. No gloves on the bedside table, no boy band posters on the walls. The bed was made and no one was in it. He fell to his to his knees, trying to cope.
"I told you. Magneto kil-"
"No, shut up." He said trying to hide the shake in his voice. He collected himself and shoved past Scott retreating back to his room. Rogue's things were on his desk in a tote.
Scott had followed him, "Go back to sleep being up this late messes with your head." Dismissing himself and closing the door softly.
Logan crawled into his bed and cried until fell asleep. 'This is just a dream she will be here to wake me in the morning.'
Logan found himself waking up to Charles telling him to get up and that it is unhealthy for him to be like this.
Charles knew that Logan needed to grieve and feared that this was caused by him, he let this get out if hand. Charles thought Logan would go back to a acting normal in a few weeks, but those couple if weeks turned into months. He saw himself in Logan, drinking to forget the pain and not caring about his physical or mental health. He was letting it eat him slowly. Logan would have normally buried his emotions deep forgetting about them, but maybe something or someone changed his way if thinking. Maybe his nightmares got better. Maybe he thought that very little time had passed.
Bobby was leaning against the door frame behind Charles.
"Logan I wont say it again. You need to get up. I wont take this behavior from you. You are not a child. You are a mentor. You must continue with your life. This," –he said wave his hands around point to everything in general – "will not get you nowhere."
Logan just shifted to face the wall. Bobby walked towards Charles, putting his hand on his shoulder. He looked down telling him telepathically, that maybe he could try to convince Logan to end this. Professor X left the room to return to his office to continue his work.
"Listen Logan. I know you won't take what I say, considering that I'm way younger than you and you refuse the think that anyone else is capable of knowing anything regarding your experiences, but trust me I know what you are feeling to an extent. I loved Rogue aswell in a different way, but you get what I'm saying. Anyways, laying in bed everyday being, sad won't bring her back."
Logan said nothing, not making any movement.
Nobby was just about to leave when Logan said "You don't know anything. You didn't watch her die. You don't understand what she means to me. You didn't watch her die in your arms knowing you could have saved her if you got there a second earlier. I know I could have saved her." Logan went back to silence.
"But I know that she wouldn't want you live like this." Bobby let this sit with Logan. Leaving the room.
Logan thought about his last deep conversation he had with Rogue. She came into his room late at night crying because she had a nightmare that she hurt everyone in the school. He held her tight telling her that even if she did that, he would come back and help her. That nothing she did would hurt him. She had fell asleep on him listening to his voice. He didn't want to wake her so he let her sleep on his bed that night. And he laid on the floor next to her. That was the last night he saw her. The next day he woke up late. The second he woke up, he knew something was going to happen.
What happened was that she had voluntarily went with Magneto even though she knew he would have killed her. She had left a note on her night stand that read "I have my reasons. I'm sorry."
He hated how simple it was. He knew that she regretted what she had decided in the end. He hated that she didn't say anything or even hinted at something. He hates that the last moment he had with her was sorrow filled.
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He thought about what Bobby had said. It snapped him back into reality. The next morning he was up acting normal again. Storm, Scott, and Jean all looked at each other when he came into the kitchen asking for a beer. Scott handed him a root beer obviously giving him a concerned look. Logan ignored it, asking them about schedule today. When nobody answered he moved on to the next topic: what had Storm been teaching so he could continue the lesson.
She thought it would be best if he started on easing himself back into teaching by only teaching the afternoon classes since he hadn't taught in months. He dismissed her saying he would just ask the classes.
Professor could feel the pain Logan was suppressing. He asked Logan what had changed his mind so abruptly. He told him to get out of his mind. Charles refused and stayed. He asked Logan if it was what Bobby told him.
Logan had unconsciously thought about their conversation yesterday morning. 'But I know that she wouldn't want you live like this.' Charles left right after that.
When Logan showed up to his classes all of the kids had been happy to see Logan back, except Bobby. He knew that Logan was only pretending. He knew that the hurt was still there.
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When the stars had taken over the sky, Logan had quietly crept out of the back door trying not to wake the kids and had gone to the garden heading to the stone that belonged to Rogue. Now that he was actually thinking about it, he realized that he had never been down to see her at all. He thought that maybe this would make him feel better, release more of the bottled up guilt and anger. The ache felt oddly familiar. He began to talk aloud to her stone that had flowers surrounding it.
"hey kiddo. Its been a while. I'm trying, I want you to know that."
Logan had set his dog tags on top of it. Telling her to never forget him like he was never going to forget her. He stood up inhaling deeply,and letting it out softly. He looked around taking in the other stones. On the one next to his daughters' had read 'old friend, Eric.' He let out a growl and stomped on it. He hated that it was placed next to Rogue's. He slashed it with his claws. He walked back to the school feeling lighter.
Scott was watching through his window on the third story. He felt as if his friend was back. Jean told him to come back to bed and that it was late. Scott got back into bed and was talking to the professor through his mind.
"I think Logan finally accepted the truth sir."
"Of course he did, Bobby talked to him."
"Bobby is the only other person here that was close to Rogue."
"Yes, he seemed to have helped Logan understand life can continue with a lose."
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Logan laid on his bed staring at his ceiling thinking over everything that happened these past couple of days. He just flipped the switch, what did the others think? He knew he was going to be okay. He had his time for sadness. He wanted to change his life from the neverending cycle of a small good time turning into a bad time. He was tired of losing what he loved. It has happened many times. He would have to focus on the deep parts of his mind to heal those wounds.
He would rather move on then care. Which he thought was kind of ironic due to the situation.
"To a new way of life." He whispered to himself before slipping into a peaceful slumber.