Chapter Text
“Alright, let’s go over the checklist. We have stun blasters, trackers, sunscreen, towels, the special water bottles that come with refills and bendy straws, lightspeed lane passes for the rides…”
“Stun blasters and trackers,” Supervisor Meero interrupted. “That’s all you had to say, Attendant.”
She watched as the speeder passed by a row of colorful banners, each designating segments of the parking lot with names of various animals. Apparently, the designers of the Imperial Amusement Park had favored a nonsensical system over anything logical, like numbers or Aurebesh. Another foolish detail in an already foolish mission.
“We’re parked in the Tauntaun Zone, Row 52,” Attendant Heert said as he pulled the vehicle to a stop. “I’ll make a note of it. I remember the last time I was here with my boyfriend, we got lost trying to make it back to our speeder. It’s funny the things you forget after a long day.”
“Right. Today will be quite different considering we’re here on business, not pleasure.” Meero had lost count of how many times she’d given this reminder. “We have a mission today, Attendant, and I expect you to take this assignment just as seriously in the field as you do in the office, even if the field happens to be the Imperial Amusement Park.”
“Of course, ma’am.” Heert’s enthusiasm remained unfazed. “We have an objective. If our leads are correct, the suspect should arrive in an hour.”
“I only hope Jung and Quiro will be here by then. I still don’t know how they managed to get stuck in traffic heading from the same direction as us.”
Naturally, Meero had been assigned the worst fellow supervisor to assist on the mission. Even Blevin, for all his snide remarks and fabricated perceptions of rivalry, was at least competent. Jung had always struck Meero as the frazzled sort, but lately, he’d been even more absentminded. He was always disappearing off for various superficial reasons and had a horrible sense of direction. Just last week, he’d gone off seeking a veterinarian appointment for the office goldfish and somehow gotten lost for three hours getting back to the station.
“We should be apt to apprehend the suspect on our own if need be,” Heert said. “If it’s alright with you, ma’am, I’d rather not delay.”
“We’ll see.” Meero stepped out of the vehicle, squinting beneath the blistering sun. “You seem very eager to get things settled early.”
“It’s always good to be efficient, isn’t it?”
Heert locked the speeder behind him and put on his sunglasses. It was remarkable how different he appeared in civilian clothes. Dressed in shorts and a shirt adorned with beaded tooka cats, he looked perfectly relaxed. Meero, on the other hand, had much more difficulty stepping out of uniform. She’d had to scour her apartment for something casual enough to blend in.
“You’ve got something other than efficiency on your mind,” Meero observed Heert adjusting his well-stocked backpack.
“Well, I was just thinking,” Heert said as they started off towards the gates. “If we happen to apprehend the suspect before the day is over, I might check out the park a little. See what’s new. I hear they have a new coaster.”
“We’re here to do our job, not ‘check out’ coasters.” Meero scowled at the sound of younglings screaming up ahead. “And I don’t see why you’d want to spend the rest of the day here after everything’s settled.”
“I just think it would be fun.” There was a childlike giddiness in Heert’s step. “You’ve really never been?”
“I told you I’m not a theme park person.”
A nearby poster advertising “Emperor Palpatine’s Good Good Hall of Puppets” only solidified Meero’s opinions.
“Besides, we still have to bring the prisoner back to the station for interrogation,” she reminded Heert.
“The tickets are good for the entire day, reentry included,” Heert said. “I checked on the IAP’s website and double checked with Major Partagaz.”
“We won’t have time, Heert!”
The Attendant fell silent. His wide-eyed forlorn expression reminded Meero of a sad Loth kitten, or perhaps one of those orphaned taunlets she always saw in those cursed advertisements from the Imperial Adopt a Tauntaun Refuge Fund. Meero didn’t know who’d given her personal email to that damn philanthropist Captain Lorth Needa but if she ever got her hands on them, she’d kill them herself.
She shouldn’t have felt guilty. Theme parks were a childish thing, and it was ridiculous that anyone in the ISB would be so obsessed with them. Yet, there was something about an utterly dejected Heert that didn’t sit well with Meero. She preferred her assistants to be emotionally neutral.
And perhaps she had developed a tiny soft spot for Heert after all those long days helping her review files until the break of dawn and all those 3 AM caf refills that Heert tended to without her even needing to ask. The man did make a damn good peppermint mocha.
“I don’t think we’ll have time for it,” Meero chose her words carefully. “However, in the unlikely event that we have time today after the mission is complete, I suppose you could stay for an additional hour or two. Again, this is all time permitting, and I highly doubt we will have additional time.”
“Understood, ma’am.” Heert beamed at her. “I understand this is purely hypothetical, but if you want any recommendations for rides, I’d be more than happy to offer suggestions. I know it’s your first time, and I know you said you don’t like theme parks, but the Imperial Amusement Park really is something special. It was truly designed for loyal Imperial personnel like us. Maybe you might like to try a ride or two.”
“I’ll consider one ride if we achieve all our objectives today,” Meero said. “One ride. Don’t push it.”
Heert’s face lit up at the offer, as if she’d just offered him a promotion and all inclusive vacation to Niamos. Meero thought it odd how much joy he took in little things like this. Odd but not in a bad way.
“Supervisor Jung is delayed,” Heert informed her as they approached the ticket scanning booth. “Attendant Quiro says there’s an emergency with the office goldfish. They’ll be here in an hour.”
“It’ll all be over by the time he gets here,” Meero grumbled.
“Seems like his goldfish has an awful lot of medical emergencies,” Heert said.
“I mentioned it to Major Partagaz before, but he thought it seemed legit. He had a very lengthy story to tell about his childhood hamster to support his point.”
The Ticket Trooper scanned both passes and ushered them inside.
“Welcome to the Imperial Amusement Park!” the trooper said chirpily. “Have a good, good day!”
Meero glowered at the gleeful trooper and pushed past the turnstile gate. Immediately, a towering statue of the Emperor holding hands with a Stormtrooper greeted her.
“Do you want tauntaun horns?”
Meero turned to face the unexpected sight of Heert donning a headband with felt tauntaun horns and ears. Many others around the park were adorned with similar headbands.
“Where on the planet did you get those?” Meero asked.
“I bought them the last time I was here,” Heert replied, apparently very proud of this purchase. “Radoslav said you could borrow his pair if you’d like. They release new ones for special events. This one has gold-rimmed ears to commemorate the Reconquest of the Outer Rim.”
“No, I do not want to wear your boyfriend’s tauntaun horns, Attendant.” Meero swatted away the spare headband. “I want you to focus.”
“I’m only trying to blend in.” Heert put away the headband with a dejected sigh and took out his handheld datapad. “According to the tracker, our target is heading towards the Haunted Senate in Long Time Ago Land. I’m looking at the map now. The fastest route would be if we cut through Democracy Square.”
“Right. Let’s go then.”
It was 0900 in the morning and the sun was now high in the sky. Accosted by the heat combined with the sound of ten different toddlers throwing tantrums, Meero longed to be back in her air-conditioned office. Back at headquarters, everything was quiet, and Heert had no business other than carrying out her orders without question and fetching her caf, just the way things were meant to be.
The entrance to Democracy Square was marked by a large arch inscribed with the famous words of Emperor Palpatine, “I love democracy”. There was a towering coaster near the entrance with a menacing drop and an even more menacing line.
“Oh, that’s the Fall of Democracy,” Heert said excitedly.
Meero frowned. Now didn’t seem to be an appropriate time to express controversial political beliefs. Heert must have noticed her confusion for he quickly clarified:
“That’s the name of the rollercoaster.” Heert indicated a large sign proving his point. “The Fall of Democracy. It has a 115-degree drop, the first of its kind.”
“That’s more than 90 degrees, Heert,” said Meero. “How does that work?”
“Well, apparently it dips you upside down another 40 degrees in addition to the 90 degree drop, but the use of hyperdrive technology means the sum is 115 degrees.” Heert shrugged. “At least, that’s what I read on the Holonet. The official site also stated that the Emperor altered the laws of physics to build it, so it’s very special.”
“I see.” Meero was much too exhausted from the heat to feign enthusiasm. “Did you ride it with Radoslav?”
“Unfortunately, it was closed when we were here.” Heert looked up at the coaster longingly. “Apparently, someone got ejected from the coaster. So, they had it closed for a safety inspection, but according to the inspection, the ejection was part of the Rebel-ejection technology built into the coaster by the Emperor. So, as long as your loyalty is intact going in, the safety restraints should also stay intact.”
“Good to know.”
Meero remembered discussing the Rebel-ejection technology with Dr. Gorst before. It was good to know he’d gotten the funding for the project.
“We’ve got an update from the tracking droid.” Heert beckoned at Meero to see his datapad. “Our target is in queue for Hoth Quest. Given the wait time for the ride and his position in the queue, we should get there in plenty of time to intercept him.”
“Good.” Meero wiped the sweat from her forehead. “I’m sick of being out here already.”
“Do you need something to drink, ma’am?” Heert asked. “We should stop to buy something. You’re looking flushed and I’m actually feeling rather thirsty too.”
“Didn’t you say you brought water in that backpack of yours?” Meero inquired.
“I brought water bottles but they’re empty. You can’t bring your own water into the park.” Heert took out the empty bottles. “But it’s alright. I got these the last time. They let you refill them at a discounted price of 10 credits a bottle rather than the usual 40. If you add on the Imperial military personnel discount, it’s another 5 credits off.”
“That’s still very pricy, but I suppose we don’t have a choice.” Meero scanned the scene for a drink stand. “Where do we refill them anyway?”
“Over there.”
Heert indicated a long line leading up to a hovercart, where a Beverage Trooper was happily stirring a jar of blue lemonade.
“That’s too long of a line,” Meero said. “We’re going to have to do it later. The suspect might be gone by the time we reach the front.”
“Well, the exit for Hoth Quest is over there.” Heert pointed out a gift shop where several children were begging their parents to buy them plush wampas. “We should see him get off the ride from the queue for drinks. But just to be sure, maybe we should fan out a little. I could monitor the surrounding area while you wait for the refills… or vice versa. I don’t mean to um, overstep my rank.”
Meero didn’t like the idea of setting Heert loose on his own. It wasn’t good to give the attendants too much free range, else they start getting ideas about fresh air and paid leave. However, the line leading up to the drink stand was shaded, and during the height of Coruscanti summer, shade was a valued commodity.
“I’ll keep watch waiting in line.” Meero gave Heert a stern look. “You are permitted to search this vicinity under the condition that you will only act to achieve our objective and will not be distracted by various frivolous activities.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Heert hesitated before asking, “Would it be alright if I purchased a turkey leg?”
Meero glared at him in reply.
“I can wait,” Heert said.
He adjusted his sun visor and tauntaun ears before heading off, leaving Meero to wait. The Beverage Trooper was moving at a snail’s pace. If the Barista Trooper at the ISB Headquarters moved this slowly, they’d have a riot on their hands.
When Meero finally reached the front of the line, she received a message from Heert:
“I got him.”
Meero wondered if this had been sent by error. Surely, she hadn’t been waiting long enough for Heert to apprehend the suspect.
The message was followed by several audio files marked as “confidential”. Heert was typing another message which appeared shortly after:
“I got him talking too.”
The Beverage Trooper handed the refilled bottles back to Meero. The bottles proved cumbersome to carry while handling her datapad. She needed Heert and his backpack to return immediately. Balancing the datapad on her wrist with a bottle beneath each arm, she managed to call Heert. The attendant answered immediately:
“Good morning, ma’am. Did you see my transmissions?”
“Yes, Attendant. I’ll review the files once I’m back at headquarters.” Meero looked around for her assistant. “Where are you now?”
“I’m next to the AT-AT Arcade. I have the suspect in custody. I sent some preliminary information to you in the audio files. Supervisor Jung and Attendant Quiro just arrived. I um, hope you don’t mind that I did try one of the games while waiting for you, after I’d finished interrogating the suspect… and with permission from Supervisor Jung. I had the suspect secured the entire time, of course.”
“That’s fine.” Meero followed the brightly colored signs pointing to the AT-AT Arcade. “I’ll meet you shortly. Good work, Attendant.”
Fortunately, she found Heert along with their other colleagues without difficulty. The attendant was clutching a plush AT-AT that was half his height, looking very proud of both his achievements. Between Jung and Quiro, the suspect was huddled on the ground with a look of pure terror.
“How did you make him talk?” Meero asked. As far as she knew, the Imperial Amusement Park did not allow ITOs, and Dr. Gorst was highly possessive of his audio files.
Before Heert could answer, the apprehended Rebel cried out in desperation:
“I’ll tell you anything you want! Just don’t make me get on that accursed boat again!”
“I brought him on It’s a Small Galaxy,” Heert explained. “I used the lightspeed lane pass, so we skipped the line and rode it 60 times. He started talking about 50 times in, but I wanted to give you something really detailed.”
“I don’t know how he managed it,” Jung said, shaking his head in disbelief. “We’ve discussed these unconventional methods with Major Partagaz, but we didn’t think anyone would be able to accompany the suspect enough times on the ride to complete the interrogation. During all the trials, both the agent and the prisoner went mad after 10 rounds. The song on that ride is straight from hell.”
“Oh, my Aunties took me on the ride when I was young and it seems to have immunized me, in a sense,” said Heert. “Younglings are immune to the song on It’s a Small Galaxy. They find it amusing, but in adulthood, the effects change to one of excruciating annoyance. It’s no wonder that Gorst used a version of the song as the basis for his interrogation audio, though don’t tell him I told you that. He has to stick to the story he uses currently or else we’ll run into trouble from the Imperial Copyright Department.”
“I see.”
As Meero considered this information, the prisoner on the ground began singing a cheerful melody to himself and weeping:
“It’s a world of justice, a world of peace. A world of freedom and security…”
Before the song could continue, Meero stunned the prisoner. Even a brief excerpt of the melody had already made her hair stand on edge.
“Call in the troopers to take this one back to headquarters,” Meero instructed. “And caution them to wear earplugs in case he starts singing again.”
She checked her chrono. 1100. She really had waited in that damn line for two hours just for water.
“We have quite a lot of time before the park closes,” Heert said with a widening grin. “If you’d like, we could try one ride together like you mentioned earlier. Or maybe more than one if you change your mind.”
“You’re ridiculous, you know.” Meero rolled her eyes. “But I suppose your work on the mission today was impressive. Did you have a ride in mind?”
The gleam in Heert’s eyes made her immediately regret that question.