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Chihiro was doing nothing but standing around. In the beginning, it didn’t seem to him that his actions, or lack thereof, were any different from the rest of the class he had recently come to know. Those who had only just ended a day of intensive mining due to a robot bear plush’s ridiculous request, the first of seemingly many to come, could do no better than to just take in the lifelessly gray scenery. But then, their minds seemed to start turning, to things they were accustomed to doing as students of Hope’s peak. And yet, his mind was far from fixed on his talent right now despite not having gathered a single thing.
No, what he was up to inside his head was certainly not ideal. While he would’ve loved to think about the programs he used to write before getting locked inside a school, an empty mind with nowhere to go would please him too. At least compared to this, he would’ve even accepted traveling back in time to the years before he hid his true self. For even then, he didn’t feel as pathetic as he did now.
O, Makoto , Chihiro thought while watching the brown-haired boy chatting far away in the corridor’s corner. He had only had a faint frown before he took charge when everyone else did nothing but gawk. A weakness that had suddenly started taking over the room was dispersed in an instant. Chihiro, however, did not feel any strength returning when he requested a broom right away and then spent the day sweeping the rooms that everyone else was excavating. Why did you praise me for that? He continued thinking Why didn’t you call me out for being the little burden that I am? And why can’t I get up to thank you, or offer you something, or anything?
There were a lot of why:s in Chihiro’s decidedly not inactive brain, but the greatest one was why Makoto was talking to Monokuma. Surely he seemed courageous, but Chihiro couldn’t figure out what he was trying to gain from such an encounter. Bless him if he were trying to get them out of this mess that the black and white creature got them into, even if that would mean that Chihiro would have even fewer shots at finally proving himself. He doubted, however, that negotiations were going as one would expect in that case. Definitely not; Makoto was blushing, and Monokuma was sweating?
After a while of that strange conversation, however, Makoto left and went in his direction. Chihiro’s heart started beating much harder than it had before, and his brain was now very busy dreaming up justifications for why he couldn’t be the final destination. Behind him were Sayaka, the confident and pretty pop idol, and Kyoko, the mysterious and cool girl, after all.
But very well, Makoto’s feet didn’t take him any further than the programmer who was very much still trying to process his arrival. With a slightly sheepish smile that Chihiro couldn’t help but find cute, he greeted him with a simple “Hi”, extending his hand, and revealing a ticket.
Whatever redness could be seen on Makoto’s face was more than doubled on Chihiro’s as he replied “Hello”. Obviously noticing that, Makoto’s expression became more like his earlier one, the one that had had Chihiro feeling like Makoto had already gotten to know them wholly the moment he saw them. Wholly? he thought, and instinctively covered his chest with his arms. No matter how brief it was before he realized how stupid he must’ve looked, Makoto definitely saw that, yet without showing any signs of confusion or anything that would submerge Chihiro in despair.
“So, uh”, Makoto began, his confidence slightly dropping. “Where do you wanna go?”
He had forgotten to ask if Chihiro even wanted to, not that saying no was ever an option for him after this miracle. He began to think of what he would like, but…
“Oh,” he eventually said. “I don’t think I should choose. What do you want?”
“I don’t think… I’ve never really been on a… So…” Makoto tried to respond unsuccessfully when a high-pitched swear interrupted him.
Monokuma, of all people, had said something. “Just go somewhere!” as he started running towards them with raised claws. Anyone who could’ve stopped him had evidently gone somewhere else by then.
Chihiro let out an involuntary “eep” and Makoto finally got his act together as he took his hand and started running to safety.
They must have run less than a couple of feet, but neither of them could do anything except fall to the floor and violently cough after a while. If Monokuma had had the intent to kill, like he very much seemed to while chasing them, he would’ve probably caught up with them and turned them into human stew by now. He wasn’t anywhere in sight, though. Chihiro was of course delighted by this, much less so by the fact that he was about to cry from what a rabbit could do without a hitch.
He turned towards Makoto. While he didn’t look like he was doing too well either, Chihiro didn’t admire him less now that he had saved him from what seemed to be certain death. Makoto returned the glance. “Guess you’re not a good runner either?” he said in between breaths.
That wasn’t fun to hear. “No… I’m not.”
“Oh, no, don’t get me wrong,” he said, seemingly realizing his mistake. “I’m happy, you know? I go to the same school as Sakura, Aoi, and Leon; I feel like a sprawling fish every time I’m around them”.
Chihiro did know what that felt like, and what he would think after having those thoughts. “Don’t you think you have to get stronger when you see them?”
“Hmmm. I don’t know if I have to, and I’d have to do a lot of things if I wanted to be like everyone I thought was cool,” he let out a nervous laugh. “Like when I see you”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. I mean, I’ve seen the stuff that you make online. You make programming seem so effortless. I guess I could make a tic-tac-toe game if I got lucky.”
“I love tic-tac-toe!” Chihiro smiled. “And that’s not fair!”
“Huh? What isn’t?”
“You got something too. You’re so kind.”
Makoto chuckled once more. “A lot of people here are.”
“N-Not like you.”
“Heh, Maybe.” Makoto relented.
Then they simply continued to lock eyes with each other while they pondered what to say next. They were no longer sweating from their flight, but an unrelated heat still seemed to envelop Chihiro’s body. It couldn’t be the sun; there was no escaping outside, after all. Where were they, even? He looked around and saw many tables and chairs.
“Are you hungry?” Makoto asked him, having asked himself the same question and come to the same conclusion.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not.”
“Why are you apologizing? It’s not like you can control how your body is feeling.”
“I guess not,” Chihiro said. He tried to begin explaining why, but every word that could come out sounded so silly. Eventually, he had enough of doing so, but his new endeavor of getting himself off the floor proved equally unsuccessful.
Makoto stretched out his hand again as he arose, letting out an audible “woah” as he grabbed Chihiro’s. “I think I know what you need,” he said.
Chihiro briefly thought about telling him that he didn’t need anything, but maybe it was time for once to just wait. Makoto wanted to do this, right? He went to the kitchen while Chihiro sat down at a table, who suddenly remembered something about the encounter that had led him here. “I’ve never really been on a…” Makoto had said, and the word that Chihiro added in his mind didn’t fit. He must certainly have been on a-
“Here”, a voice suddenly snapped him back to reality. Makoto was carrying two glasses of iced cola.
It was truly something that Chihiro appreciated, but the carbonated and sugary sensation was still not enough to hinder him from returning to his previous thought. "Hey, Makoto,” he began. “Do you have someone… special in your life?”
“Hmm?” Makoto stopped sipping his drink. “Well, uh, I guess there’s my sister.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you had one.” But why would he?
“Right now, it feels a bit like I don’t.” He sighed. “The only way I’m able to see her is in my head.”
Great, Chihiro had asked a stupid question and made Makoto sad. But the boy in front of him perked up almost immediately after he had had that thought. “Hey, it’s not that bad. I’ve got some great memories of her.”
“Which ones?” Chihiro wanted to respond like he did mentally, but it probably came out wrong.
“Like, one time we were in the subway. She had her favorite plushie with her until she didn’t. She realized a minute after we got off that it was gone; she could’ve made a river with her tears. So we ran around the city, asked every adult we could find, looked at the map hundreds of times… Long story short we found it. We were the most stressed kids ever, but also the happiest that day.
Chihiro found that story adorable, to say the least. “Was it cute?” he asked. “The plush?”
“I would’ve searched for it if it was a stuffed cockroach.” Makoto laughed. “But yeah; it was this really white bear that had gotten a few stains on it.”
Chihiro flinched. “Crap,” Makoto said. “I totally forgot.”
“It’s ok,” Chihiro said with an expression that completely betrayed his words. “My dad told me I shouldn’t be afraid of monsters, so I don’t know why I’m even scared.”
“I don’t think your dad has ever been chased by a bear. Besides, that’s what friends are for, right?”
Chihiro lit up. “Friends?”
“Yeah, to get each other through hard times.” Makoto frowned. “You do know you’re my friend, right?”
Now he did. “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome?” Makoto chuckled and looked out the window. It wasn’t like it, or the clock, could tell how much time had passed, but it might’ve just been a habit. “I think we should leave; I don’t wanna have to run again.”
“Aww,” Chihiro replied. As familiar as he was with the passage of time, he didn’t want this to end.
But Makoto simply smiled, and Chihiro got reheated. It was a shame that he had already finished that cola.
It was another day and another occasion for cleaning. On one hand, Chihiro didn’t envy the one student who collapsed midway through and promptly left for their bedroom, but everyone else seemed to shoulder their burdens perfectly. Well, all except one.
Makoto came to Chihiro with his usual happy-go-lucky expression, while also drenched in sweat. “Hey”, he said, once again holding a ticket.
“Hi…” Chihiro said, trying to suppress his happiness. “Are you sure you don’t want to rest?”
“Heh, thanks for the concern, but hanging with you is enough rest for me”.
“Oh… But don’t stay up for me if you want to sleep.”
Makoto beckoned him to leave with him as a red eye seemed to faintly grow brighter in the distance. “I don’t.”
“We had to take my dad into the hospital once,” Chihiro suddenly said. “It was in the summer, and our air conditioner had broken down. He had ignored my mom telling him to take it easy because he had this project he really needed to finish, and then he passed out. He’s fine now, but I was so scared while he was in that ambulance.” He looked towards Makoto. “I don’t know if an ambulance will pick you up if you pass out.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Makoto replied as if he was more concerned about Chihiro than his well-being. “But there’s a hospital room here; I’m sure it’d be useful if I ever needed it”. He didn’t fully sound as sure as he let on, but maybe Chihiro was just wishing that he felt the same way he did.
During this conversation, he had forgotten that their legs were moving until they stopped in front of a garden. But the thing he focused on at once was not the colorful assortment of plants, but rather the little white creatures inside the coop.
“I love chickens!” Chihiro exclaimed, only then realizing that he had left Makoto behind.”
“Oh really?” Makoto said from a distance. “I don’t really get to see them.”
“No, me neither. But there was this game I used to play where you could raise them and feed them to a slime. I could never do it intentionally, but the slimes escaped their captivity a lot. At least they had a good meal, I guess…”
“I think I know which game you’re talking about,” Makoto replied, but he left it at that with a slightly guilty expression.
They continued looking at the chickens, who weren’t laying any eggs or doing anything, really, except existing. But that was entertaining in itself; Chihiro tried to imagine what they were thinking, and what they wanted to communicate with their clucks. Eventually, he realized that he had let himself get absorbed in his thoughts again, and he quickly turned to Makoto. There was a smile on his face, yet one that was strained.
Chihiro had already asked, but… “Are you sure you don’t want to lay down?”
“I’m sure… Unless you want to”.
If Chihiro was honest with himself, he’d rather keep mentally roleplaying as a chicken, but he let himself fall to the ground. The grass was soft. It wasn’t a bad choice, and Makoto seemed to agree as he almost immediately tumbled into it.
“You’re really stubborn,” Chihiro found himself saying.
Makoto laughed weakly, “So are you.” The sun, fake but as bright as ever, was shining, and he still fell asleep within a minute. He looked more serene than anything else in the garden. As free as Chihiro was to return to his earlier activity, he wanted to watch this much more.
Makoto apologized profusely after that. Unnecessarily, of course, though Chihiro couldn’t exactly blame him for that. Today they were in the library. Nobody else was there, they had checked for Monokuma twice, but it still felt weird to make much noise. As much as he loved quiet environments like this one, this didn’t fully sit right with him, particularly since he was risking overindulging himself again.
“Hmm, what do you like to read, Chihiro?” Makoto said while browsing the shelves. He couldn’t keep doing this. This kindness was killing him.
“Oh, I like computer magazines.”
“Ah, right. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find any. Libraries aren’t exactly my strong suit.” He continued to rummage. Chihiro wondered if he would even hear him if he made an inquiry. “Oh here’s one”.
He had barely pulled it out before Chihiro said, “Hello world, issue #42.” Makoto stared at him in awe. “I’m sorry; I should’ve told you I’ve read all of them”
"All of them? That’s… impressive!”
Chihiro blushed, but just doing that wouldn’t be very useful to Makoto. “It’s ok. I can read it again”. He went to take it from his hand before realizing that he was supposed to not make this trip about himself. “Um, what do you like?”
“Me? I’m not much of a reader. My sister has these manga books she keeps insisting I have to read, but outside of that…” His spirits sank a little. “You know, I think there’s more of these in the rec room.”
The ball had returned to Chihiro’s court. He guessed that he could accept defeat; Makoto didn’t exactly look too thrilled to be here either. “Are you sure he’ll be ok with us going somewhere else?”
Makoto gave him a look that said something like “Don’t think about it”. Chihiro had no choice but to trust him, but it didn’t feel like all too big a leap to make. It felt like the gap between them was decreasing each day. Though, that meant bumping into him much more frequently. Chihiro prayed that there was something Makoto would love there.
—-
The rec room matched the diversity of the garden, but rather than flora, the colors were represented by a variety of entertainment. Unlike back then, Chihiro couldn’t find something that took his entire attention. His eyes kept fixing on a different thing until he finally stopped at the new magazines Makoto talked about. There were so many secrets hidden inside, and he couldn’t wait to reveal every single one of them. That is until he remembered that he wasn’t alone.
If Makoto was sad at this brief lack of attention, he did a good job of hiding it. “That was a nice yay,” he said, which Chihiro hadn’t even realized he had said.
“No,” Chihiro muttered, forcing himself to redirect his eyes. “Aha!” He said. He nearly slammed the box he had found on the table. He wasn’t too excited to admit to Makoto that it hurt a lot.
“Tic-tac-toe?” The box was way too ornate for what could be done with pen and paper, but Chihiro deemed it to be a part of Hope’s Peak’s complex charm.
“Just like we talked about!” Chihiro brightened before mellowing out. “Maybe that doesn’t mean you want to play it.”
But Makoto simply opened the box, took out the board, and placed down an x. “I vaguely remember that you’re supposed to put your first one in the middle.”
Was Makoto so transparent that he, without hesitation, announced his strategy? Well, now Chihiro had no choice but to repay him. “I think that’s when you place second. You cut off both diagonals and the center cross, though, only the first one will be relevant if the first player places their X in the corner like they should.” Chihiro laughed. “It’s hard to get anything but a tie the way you placed it if the opponent doesn’t make a mistake. But I guess it would be hard too if they placed it in the center while going second.” He had once again gone into one of his famous trances.
“So, if you’re going second, it’s basically impossible to win?” Makoto asked with widened eyes.
“Not impossible.” Chihiro snapped out. “If both sides play perfectly, it’s always gonna be a draw, but it’s not always going to be that way. I think most people don’t know about the strategy, or if they do, they might forget about it because not knowing if you lose or win is preferable to having the same thing play out repeatedly.”
“I’d never thought about it that way; it makes sense.” Makoto placed down his last piece.
Chihiro looked at the board for a little bit and smiled. “See, you won”
“I did?” Makoto said. “I wanna play again.”
“Really? Most people I’ve played with quit after they’ve won.” Granted, there weren’t many he had done so with who didn’t share his last name.
“But it wasn’t fair. You were so much more well prepared than I was.”
“Hehe,” Chihiro said. “Hey, um, thanks Makoto.”
Makoto reentered into a state of confused frowning. “It’s nothing really…”
“Not for this.” It was very much for this, but, “I haven’t thanked you for when we first met. You were really kind to me back then.”
“Oh, you mean the first day of resource gathering?” Chihiro nodded. “It’s the same thing, there, I was just telling the truth. I’ve had to clean before; anyone who wants to do it is a great person”.
A great person? “Toko said I was a coward for wanting to remove stains that didn’t exist instead of doing the hard work like everyone else.”
“Toko is Toko… I don’t think she’d be happy with anyone doing anything”. Makoto started thinking. “And I don’t think that was the first time we’ve met. I have this vague feeling that I’ve seen you before”.
Chihiro had that same déjà vu, but it was hopeless illuminating it any more beyond that. Makoto put down a new X, this time in the corner. “I guess it’s just because I feel like I’ve gotten to know so much about you in so little time”, he said.
A shiver rushed through Chihiro’s body. Why hadn’t he told him yet? All these little details had emerged, but there was still an elephant Makoto didn’t know about. There hadn’t been much time, but the longer he waited, the greater disappointment he risked creating, and the more confusion the longer he sat with this thought. He put his O in the center; it was probably going to be a draw, rather than the win Makoto thought he deserved, but right now, he really couldn’t care less.
“Woah, there’s a lot of stuff in here,” Chihiro said after entering the school store. He supposed that he should’ve expected a cornucopia after his previous destinations, but this was far from as organized or thematic as those. There were at least three pieces of armor just waiting to fall over and crush him.
“No kidding,” Makoto began, “It’s like a hoarder’s paradise.”
“I don’t know if I would describe it like that.” Though it was admittedly not easy to navigate such a small and cluttered space, there wasn’t a shortage of valuable things. If they were in a different environment, they might have constituted one of the museums that Chihiro’s dad would take him to. “It reminds me more of my childhood,” he eventually said aloud.
“Did you go to Gacha stores often?” Makoto was inspecting the black and white machine on top of the desk.
“Oh, that too.” He moved towards it. “What are the prizes?”
“Don’t know. There’s only one way to find out”. He put his hand in his pocket, pulled out a coin, and inserted it. “What’s this?” He was holding some kind of button.
“I don’t think we should press it.”
“Good idea.” He held it for a couple more seconds deciding what to do with it, then placed it in a hidden corner of the room. “Onto the next one.”
Chihiro’s eyes widened. “Oh, Makoto, I didn’t know you liked to gamble.”
“What?” Makoto asked. “No-no-no, that’s not why I’m doing this. I just want you to have a nice souvenir
“Me? I-I don’t need one”.
Makoto sighed “Hey, don’t try to be humble. Monoku-, I’ve got a big allowance, and I don’t have anything else to spend it on.”
“I’m not trying to.” Tears were forming in Chihiro’s eyes, and Makoto immediately let out a “Sorry”. Chihiro resumed, “I don’t want anything but the memories I get when I spend time with you. I’ve already got my computer, so-” The thing he needed was that ineffable warmth, which just reminded him how soon he could be losing it.
“But objects can be memories too, right?” Makoto objected, to which Chihiro pointed to the vending machine to the left.
“Could we just get something from here?” Chihiro didn’t particularly enjoy the food from it, but there was a nauseating feeling rising within him that was not from that.
“Of course,” Makoto said. but before he could step away from the machine, the coin he was holding in his hand slipped into it. It spun, eventually spitting out a ball that contained a glass bottle of perfume. “Huh? Why is this a prize?”
Not wanting to verbally go back on his earlier statement, Chihiro was delighted when Makoto handed it to him. It smelled like the fruits you ate outside on a calm summer evening, but once again, that was but an experience he had merely imagined himself in before.
Makoto smiled after they had partially emptied the vending machine. “I bet those chickens miss you.” That would be yet another thing that would bind their minds together if it were true, but separation seemed to be such a human experience. But there was no time to think about that, and Chihiro simply smiled back.
Apparently, there was only one place left for them to go. It was a real shame that the school that seemed so endlessly promising was restricted to a few samples, but it was not like he was fixing to ask Monokuma to allow access to the rest of it. His company was still much more important to making the time spent valuable. Though, it was precisely this appreciation for Chihiro’s friend that made him all the more uneasy around him.
“Hmm.” Makoto sighed. “See, this is what I meant with our earlier conversation. Sayaka could do a million things with this stage, and I’m struggling to think of a single one.” He walked around aimlessly, surprisingly being the one to lose himself in his mind this time. “I guess I could play the piano.”
“You can?”
“Oh.” Makoto sighed. “That’s maybe not how I should say that. I took lessons a long time ago, since my parents wanted me to learn an instrument and the guitar didn’t really fit someone like me… I only remember one song a little. I think it was something to do with a flea.”
He sat down in front of it and beckoned Chihiro to come join. He took small steps, looking around the grand hall and feeling like all of them were occupied. Eventually, he was by Makoto’s side. The chair was big enough for the two of them, yet only barely. Their shoulders were touching, and Chihiro felt his temperature fluctuate slightly in both directions.
Makoto started pressing the keys. He only got a few right before the melody became dissonant and he promptly started over. But with each attempt, he got further, until the song Chihiro was hearing became familiar.
“Wanna try?” Makoto asked.
“I’m not good at music…” Chihiro muttered.
“Well, me neither. But this is fun! I feel like I’m learning to speak a language, even if Sayaka’s already mastered it with how popular she is” Makoto said. “I think you’d be good at it. I mean, if you’re good at programming, that’s also learning how to communicate differently than you’re used to, right?”
Chihiro nodded weakly. He was too focused on Makoto’s earlier statement. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be with her?”
“With who? Sayaka?”
“...Yes,” Chihiro said. “She’s cute, kind, and strong.”
“Strong? I mean sure, she’s gotta be with how much she dances, but… That’s not really what I’m looking for. And those first two things, well.” Makoto blushed. “You’re that too.”
Chihiro wanted to just take that in, or maybe say how Makoto had just as much right to say that about himself, but his thoughts were now fully in motion. “If you fell, I’d never be able to help you get back up,” he said. “And I could never hunt down the one who hurt you, and-”
“Woah, hey!” Makoto almost yelled. “Where is this all coming from? You’d never have to do any of those things.”
“I would!” Chihiro said. Tears and sniffles were beginning to eclipse his voice. “Cause I’m a-, I’m a b-”. It was impossible, not only because of the crying but because he would never be able to go back to the serenity of before.
And so, Makoto stopped speaking as well. He pulled him into a hug as tight as possible without suffocating him. Chihiro could feel himself melting into him. It was such a wonderful and indescribable feeling that was ruined by his chest exposing the secret that his brain wouldn’t let go off. Why wouldn’t it? When did Makoto ever say anything that would indicate anything but complete trust and empathy?
Chihiro could feel some vague sensations in his rattled mind. His hair was being patted and a song was being sung. The little cognitive room left for interpreting deduced that Makoto was trying to console him, but soon fatigue overtook that as well.
When Chihiro was awake again, he was lying in a bed. To his left was a computer setup and windows blocked by a thick layer of steel. To his right was a brown-haired boy with a worried expression that was slowly becoming relieved. The memories of that which had occurred before were returning to him, and before his breath would once again be taken away, he said with all the strength he could muster, “I’m a boy.”
Makoto didn’t say a word. How could he? It was hard enough to understand with an explanation of that which had led him to this disguise, one which didn’t co-occur with those 3 words. As soon as Chihiro had said that, he wanted to run away as fast as he could. But no matter how much stamina that endlessly deep fear would’ve given him, he couldn’t escape the guilt that would’ve chased him in place of a completely still Makoto. Or, at least, that’s what he thought, but with Chihiro’s legs firmly in place, Makoto simply grabbed his hand and grasped it.
“I don’t care,” he said. There wasn’t an absence of shock in his statement, but Chihiro could hear the genuinity in it fighting it as hard as it could. “You’re still the person I-”
Now it was Makoto’s turn to lose his words, and for all the relief that was showering Chihiro, he could still feel a knot in his stomach that he was now dying to untie. There was as much fear in his heart as before, but for the first time in a while, he felt brave; he felt ready to take a leap towards him. “I love you”
Makoto was quick to respond, knowing what even a second of doubt would lead to. “I love you too.”
They had both made their move and they had both won. It felt like they were frozen in time, not knowing what to do in the presence of this euphoria. But there was so much to do.
“I want to get stronger,” Chihiro eventually said.
“You don’t have to… But I’ll be there by your side when you do.” Makoto smiled. “You know, we’re actually falling behind a little bit on the resources. Do you want to help us with that?”
“I’d love to.” They walked out of his room after Makoto pulled him out of his bed. Nothing could stop him now, though, Makoto gave him a look telling him not to be moved to tears if anything did. Regardless, everything was going to be alright in due time. He was more sure of that than anything else.