Chapter Text
Darcy stared at the envelope on her lap. After seeing what was inside, she was caught in an emotional struggle. She had actually written a pros and cons list. Should she stay or should she go. Throw it away and forget about it, or take a chance and open old wounds. Whatever her decision, she needed to stay strong and keep moving forward. She was brought back to reality, when they reached their destination.
"I won't try to stop you, but are you sure?" Jane asked concerned but understanding, noticing how unsure Darcy seemed. "We can leave right now if you're not ready."
"I appreciate the moral support." Darcy said, as she unbuckled her seat belt and took the security badge out of the envelope. "If I'm going to do this, then I'm going to be in control."
"His sorry ass should be grateful that you're checking on him." Jane said straight faced and serious. "Don't go easy on him, no holding back. Call when you're ready to leave."
"You know holding back isn't my style," Darcy replied, getting out of the mini van. "And, my taser gun is always an option."
Part of Darcy screamed at herself to leave and never look back with every step she took. It would be so easy to call Jane, and forget about this. Too many mixed emotions, but she kept on walking. Getting past all the security was easy with one flash of the badge.
Darcy always told herself that she would never let a man break her. But, she had never been completely in love and trusted someone. Steve had all of her. Heart, body and soul.
If Jane wasn’t here for her these last six months, Darcy was sure that she would’ve shattered. Jane had experienced what she was going through. Different scenarios, but the hurt, heartbreak, betrayal and anger was the same.
Jane is her rock, more like a sister than a best friend. After Steve walked out of her life, Jane had insisted Darcy move in with her. Jane held her as she cried, and promised to find some way to kick Steve’s ass. She was glad that Jane never told her everything would be okay. A few weeks later, Darcy felt like she could handle living in the apartment again. It was time to start the healing process.
Any and all thoughts left Darcy, as she looked into the doorway of his room. Just enough for her to see him, and hopefully not be seen. Her eyes shifted from the man sitting in the chair, and then to the hospital bed. Steve's face was bruised and swollen, and she wondered about the extent of his injuries. She knew he would be healed in a day or two due to the super soldier serum, and silently reprimanded herself for worrying about him.
After seeing him like this, Darcy knew this wasn't the time or place for this discussion. She would let him heal and find her. He would have to be the one to make the first move, to heal the damage he had done. If he really wanted her, wanted them back.
She forced herself to look away from him. Thankful that he had been sleeping the whole time, and that her presence had gone unknown. She turned to leave but was stopped.
"Darce," He sounded completely worn out. "Please...don't go."
Darcy stood motionless in the doorway, her right hand stopping mid-stroke on her stomach. Something she hadn't realized she was doing until now. She took a deep breath, and walked into the room.
The man who had been sitting in the chair met her half way. "Hi, I'm Sam Wilson." Giving her a warm smile.
"Darcy Lewis." Shaking his hand.
"Cap, you listen to her." Sam ordered, looking from Steve to Darcy. "Try to take it easy. Stress isn’t good for either of you." Making it clear that he had noticed what she had been doing. Darcy watched Sam leave, heard him order the other agents to not disturb them as the door slowly closed.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room. It felt like they were strangers, instead of Lovers or even in Love. Whether she left or stayed, it all depended on whatever Steve said.
"Didn't think you'd ever want to see me again." Giving her a tired smile. "Missed you..never stopped loving you..How'd you find me, Sweetheart?"
"Don't call me that." Darcy replied. Not caring how cruel she sounded, and still standing in the middle of the room. "I found an envelope with this badge and note underneath our...I mean my apartment door this morning."
"Someone assumed I wanted to see you." Steve's smile immediately faded into sadness, regret or guilt. Darcy wasn't sure which one, and at the moment she didn't care. "I was curious."
"After all the rumors of you being a fugitive, the helicarriers falling out of the sky, and all of Shield secrets now public knowledge." She continued, strong and confident. Resisting the urge to kiss her ex-boyfriend breathlessly for being alive. "I'm finally able to get the answers to my questions."
"Just because we're not together anymore," Darcy tried to remain emotionless against the pain of the memory of the day he left her. Hoping the heartbreak didn't show on her face or voice. "Doesn't mean I don’t lov..care about you. I needed to know if you were dead or alive. I wanted closure for our relationship."
"I don't want closure." Steve went from tired to wide awake in sixty seconds and sitting up. "Darcy, I never stopped loving you. Please give me a chance to explain everything. I want us back."
"Why do you think I kept paying the rent for our apartment?" Stressing the word 'our' as if trying to prove his point. Looking at her like she should already know the answer.
"I gave all the money you sent to a charity." Darcy replied coldly. "I can actually live without you."
"I was always going to come home to you!" She could see how much her words hurt him, but refused to hold anything back.
"Was that suppose to be some apology for the way you left me six months ago." Interrupting him, staring back at the door. "Or, your guilty conscience."
"Darcy, please don't go. We need to hear both sides of the story." His begging sounded like desperation. "You can yell at me all you want, and even tase me. I know you take your taser gun everywhere." Darcy couldn't stop the small smile on her face, and Steve took iallt as a good sign."
"You came here to see if I was dead or alive." Holding out his right hand to her, as if she was his only hope. "Now, I need to know if I can come home."
Darcy felt her defenses starting to fall, and couldn't look at him. Steve wanted to talk this out right now, even finding some way to use her own words against her. She would talk to him, but it would be on her terms. Feeling confident and determined, she looked him in the eyes.
“We will talk,” Darcy reassured him. "But, now isn't the time or place. You're on some strong pain meds, and won’t remember most of it.”
"Come find me when you're out of here.” Walking the few steps to the door, her right hand on the doorknob. “I’m right where you left us.” A hard kick in her stomach, and loud beeping noise stopped her. She turned around to see Steve unhooking himself from the medical equipment.
“What the Hell are you doing!” She demanded walking over to the bed, stopping him from pulling the IV out of his left arm. “Are you trying to hurt yourself more?” Steve took the opportunity that he had been waiting for, from the moment he saw her standing in the doorway.
He cupped her face in his hands, just staring into each other's eyes. “Been broken since the day I left you, Sweetheart.” Then, captured her lips with his. No finesse, just the want and need for each other. A kiss that was months overdue. Filled with longing, desperation, passion and love.
However, it wasn’t Darcy’s head telling her heart to stop. A small group of doctors and nurses rushed into the room, thinking that Captain America was dying.
“You’re in trouble.” She moved away from him to the left side of the room. Leaning against the wall next to the window, and started to text Jane.
“What happened?” Sam looked from an annoyed Steve to Darcy. “You okay?”
“I was going to leave, but ‘Wonder Boy’ over there,” Darcy noticed Steve smiling at her, obviously understanding the Hercules reference and she rolled her eyes. “Thought actions would be better than words.”
“I’ve seen how reckless he can be.” Sam replied, shaking his head at Steve. “You’re the only one that keeps him grounded.”
“Does it show that much?” Darcy asked, a little disappointed that she wasn’t able to mask her feelings as well as she thought. “You just crushed my dream of becoming a super spy.” Making them both laugh.
“You already have your hands full taking care of this guy. Which is harder than any spy work." Sam said. "If you want to leave here’s your chance."
"It's none of my business what happened between you two, but anyone can see that you love each other. You wouldn't have stayed this long, if you didn't want to work this out."
"I can give you my number." He finished. "Just in case you want to check on him." Darcy handed Sam her phone, trying not to laugh at the lecture Steve was receiving.
"Sam 'Falcon' Wilson." Darcy read the name he put into her contacts list out loud. "Another superhero friend. I'm guessing your hero name means you can fly. If it's a jetpack, then you gotta let me try it."
"If you're planning an aerial assault on Cap," Sam replied. "I'm all in."
"You two should've never met." Steve said, as the doctors and nurses left the room. "Partners in Crime already.”
“You only have yourself to blame." Darcy stared at him, and he wasn't sure if she was joking or serious.
“Follow Darcy's orders, Cap.” Sam said as he walked out the door.
"That wasn't fair.” Darcy moved to the bed, and reached for his right hand. Steve made no attempt to pull her closer, instead he let her have control. “You need to earn that right."
"I'm sorry." Apologizing for how he had taken advantage of the situation to kiss her. "Just needed to make sure I wasn't hallucinating."
"You're right, this is not a conversation to have in the hospital.” Gently squeezing her hand. “I promise not to follow you. Can I have a goodbye kiss?"
"Steve..." She started to say, feeling more frustrated with herself than him.
"This is all I'm asking for." Placing a kiss on the back of her hand. "Until, I prove I'm worthy of more." Darcy's defenses were completely shattered by his last words. She pulled away from him, and Steve tried not to show the hurt from her rejection. Only to be taken by surprise, when she cupped his face in her hands.
"The only thing you're not worthy of right now is Thor's hammer. Don't ever question your worth about anything, especially my love for you." Giving him a short but sweet kiss, pulling away before he could react.
"This doesn't mean I automatically forgive you." Forcing him to not look away, and understand how serious she was. "You have a lot to make up for."
"I made the mistake of leaving you." Placing a kiss on each of her palms. "I'm not going to let you go again."
"We'll see." She replied, taking a small notepad and pen out of her purse. "I'll give you my number."
"I know your number by heart." He felt a little emptiness at the loss of her touch, but smiling. She was giving him more than he hoped for or deserved.
"It's been changed." Darcy handed him the piece of paper. "Part of the healing process."
"You don't have to explain, Sweetheart. We need to hear both sides of the story, remember?" Repeating the words he had said to her earlier.
"Call me when you're out of here.” Darcy moved away from him before the urge to kiss him again completely took over. "And, don't mess with the medical equipment."
"Farewell, but not Goodbye." It was something she always said to Steve, before he left for a mission.
"Never Goodbye." His usual response to those words. He watched her walk to the door and open it. "Will you have an answer to my question?"
"It all depends on whatever you say." Then she was gone, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts.
Jane was waiting for her at the hospital entrance. "You okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine.” Darcy replied. Buckling her seatbelt, and her left hand resting on her stomach. "Sorry I kept you waiting."
'"I would've been here sooner, but Steve stopped me. He actually started unhooking himself from the medical equipment. Then, he kissed me and asked if he could come home."
"Does he know about Little Jane?" It was one question that Jane wanted an answer to.
"No," Darcy replied, sounding relieved but a little regretful. "My winter coat hid her, and he was on strong pain meds to even notice. She kicked before I walked into the room, and his friend Sam saw me hugging her." Darcy's term for when she felt the baby kick and stroked her stomach.
"You think he'll tell Steve?" Jane instantly became overprotective. "If he does, I'll add him to my "I'm going to kick your ass' list."
"Sam won't tell him." Darcy reassured her. "He is encouraging me to give Steve another chance."
"Since when did you turn from Jane Foster, workaholic astrophysicist.," She asked curiously. "To Jane Foster, evil genius?"
"The day he broke your heart by taking the coward's way out." No hesitation, and a hint of anger in her voice. "I'm with you no matter what happens. He better have a damn good explanation."
"I'm still working on ways to physically hurt him." She finished, and Darcy could've sworn she saw an evil glint in Jane's eyes. "Maybe I'll just use your taser gun. When he's on the ground holding his balls, I'll just say 'you know why'."
"Just one of the many reasons you're my best friend," Darcy laughed. "And, I love you for it."
"Just watching out for both of you, and I love you, too." She replied, placing her hand over Darcy's. "Don't take it easy on him."
"I won't." Darcy replied, as Jane removed her hand. “Why do I have this feeling that you are going to be a bad influence for Little Jane?”
Jane smiled, as they drove out of the parking lot. “That’s the reason why I'm going to be her favorite aunt.”
Two days later, Steve is anxiously waiting for the nurse to bring him the release forms. Even though Darcy had given him her phone number, he didn't call. He didn't want to pressure her, and knew that Sam had talked with her a few times. The fact that Darcy was checking on him was a good sign. Screw the paperwork, he was going home. The sound of the door opening brought him away from his thoughts.
Natasha noticed that he tried to hide his disappointment, but said nothing about it. "Fury wanted to say goodbye."
"I'm going home to the only thing that matters to me." Steve interrupted her, walking out of the room. "Should've left this life behind me a long time ago." Natasha smiled as they stepped into the elevator.
The look in his eyes and sound of his voice, proving that Steve Rogers was more dangerous than Captain America. He meant what he said, and nothing or no one would change his mind. Natasha had never been so proud of him, like she was in this moment. They walked out of the hospital in a comfortable silence, until they reached Sam's car.
"What's next for you Natasha?" Steve asked, knowing that this might be the last time he would see her.
"Shield is gone, all its secrets exposed. All my covers are blown. I'm going to lay low for a while, and figure out my next move."
"I got you a going away present.". Giving him a half-hearted smile. "Pulled some strings. It's not much, but a start."
"Do me a favor." Handing him the folder. "Keep your promise. Leave this life behind. Share this with Darcy, and don't keep anything from her." She finished. "I'll kick your ass if you screw this up."
"She'll taser me before you get the chance." Steve replied, with a small smile. "Thank you, Natasha." Giving her a hug. "I know you were the one who helped Darcy find me. Stay safe."
"Everything's going to work out." Natasha said over her shoulder, as she walked away. "Go home to your family."
"Red's going off the grid?" Sam asked, as Steve buckled himself into the passenger's seat. "We'll see her again."
"She even left me a parting gift." Steve tried to joke, as he opened up the folder.
"You can always change your mind and fly home. Call Stark and ask him to use his jet. Depending on the traffic this will be about a five hour drive." Sam suggested, and noticed the shocked expression on Steve's face.
"Bad news." Sam asked, but didn’t want to force him to talk about it. So, he decided to lighten the conversation. "You know, Darcy will tase me if she sees you like this. Might think I'm not doing my part as a good friend."
I could use the time to think." Steve replied, closing the folder. "This will help me with explaining why I left." Steve said. "It's also something I'm going to ask for your help with."
"Just let me know when we start." Sam said. "For now, just concentrate on Darcy."
"Thanks." Steve replied, but the doubts about Darcy started running through his mind. "What if she really only wanted to see if I was dead or alive? That this conversation is just closure for her. I can't lose her again."
"You don't need what's in that folder to get her to take you back." Sam tried to reassure him. "Focus on reality, just be honest and tell her everything."
"If Darcy didn't want to give you a chance, then she would've left the moment you asked her to stay." She wouldn't have given me her phone number, if she didn't want updates on your sorry ass."
"Her words, not mine." Sam said, taking his right hand off the steering wheel in a defeated motion."
Steve just shook his head and smiled. "Sounds like something Darcy would say."
"Your lady loves you." Sam continued, glad he was getting through to him. "It might take some time, but she will take you back."
"I'll be here to beat some sense into you, if you screw this up. That's how it is."
"That's how it is.” Steve repeated, with a small laugh at their inside joke. "I just hope I know what to say when I see her."
They spent the rest of the ride talking about random things. Anything to keep their thoughts off the collapse of Shield, the folder and the 'what-ifs' that still lingered in Steve's mind.