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“Hmm,” Castiel hums deep. “you taste like coffee” he murmurs in a low voice that makes Dean shiver and raise his eyebrows.
Castiel sighs and Dean chuckles. “Cas!”
The angel looks up at him unfazed.
Former angel- ….half angel….whatever. Is not like Dean could ever see Cas or think of him as anything but an angel.
Dean holds his stare and feels the hairs on his arms stand on end.
“Stop talking to your mug and just finish your goddamn tea, will ya?” Dean tries using a commanding tone but he can’t really hide his smirk.
Damn you, it’s not supposed to be funny.
Cas picks up his mug and downs his tea, eyes glaring at Dean all the time. His hair is tousled and his eyes are a muted blue, backing up Dean’s theory that their hue’s intensity changes as often as Castiel’s moods.
Seeing the intensity held in the angel’s glare, Dean crosses his arms at his chest and frowns back, but his smirk is hard to let go of. He curses himself silently again.
The angel started acting funny when Dean gave him cough syrup.
Sure he had his laughs. Cas bounced up and down with excitement on the couch waiting for Dean to put a movie on, that was bound to be funny.
And the way he ruffled Dean’s hair and tried to put a kiss on his cheek was cute as all hell; only he missed and ended up laying his head on Dean’s thighs, turning his pretty eyes up at him throughout the whole movie, which was even better if you asked the hunter.
But then he started asking questions about the cartoons they were watching that made no sense at all, and Dean started to get worried.
He stopped the movie, the angel got mad as a hornet until Dean told him he wanted to do something else; then he dragged an overly enthused Cas to the kitchen to drink herbal tea in the hopes that it would help calm him down.
And here they are, Dean scanning Cas’ every move for strange behavior, thinking this is no laughing matter anymore.
When the angel puts his mug down, Dean speaks up again.
“You done?”
Castiel raises a single eyebrow, eyes on Dean: blink, down to his mug, blink, back to Dean.
It’s so unnerving, Dean bites the insides of his cheeks and raises his eyebrows.
“With the tea, yes.” Cas deadpans. “With you,” He tilts his head and squints slightly making Dean squirm under his stare. “I’m not so sure.”
Dean sighs ignoring pretty much everything that’s going on in his body and he extends his hand, making a mental note to not let Cas see soap operas ever again.
“Here” he states nonchalantly.
Without missing a beat, Castiel places his hand on Dean’s open palm, making Dean blush red as a beet.
The hunter can’t help himself and he runs the tips of his fingers on the back of Cas’ palm. He doesn’t want to take his hand back abruptly and seem rude, he doesn’t want to take his hand back at all for that matter.
He clears his throat and looks up at the angel. “I meant the mug, Cas”
Cas picks his mug up with his other hand and places his elbow on the top of the table, the mug dangling from his fingers and a calm expression on his face as if nothing were amiss.
Dean leans further over the table to take the mug with his free hand, bringing their faces together until they’re about to bump their noses.
The angel is staring directly at him and the hunter holds the stare, wondering how much longer will he be able to go against what he feels.
He looks down at plump lips and feels his heart clench and his stomach flutter.
He’d kiss him, really, he would.
But he knows this sudden peak on his courage has less to do with him being ready and more to do with the odds of Cas forgetting this whole afternoon being pretty high.
It’s not fair, to either of them.
He alternates his attention between both of the angel’s eyes, looking for redness and pushing down any thoughts that have nothing to do with health care.
Finding no red flags he draws back, taking the mug and squeezing Cas’ hand one last time before letting go.
Cas stays silent as Dean turns around to go wash the mug.
Maybe this is just a passing thing, maybe Dean only feels so helpless when he’s around Cas for too long. He’d never felt he couldn’t stop himself before, he’d always been able to just forget about it as soon as Cas walked out.
Only Cas has been permanently around these days and now Dean feels there’s no escaping his own mind.
Though it’s not like he’s never been alone with Cas for a couple of days before. No, there’s definitely more to it. Maybe it’s ‘cause he’s sick, maybe Dean is just scared of…
A snoring sound cuts the hunter’s train of thought and he stops his hands abruptly, turning to look over his shoulder.
Sure enough, Cas is snoozing with his hands folded on top of the table and his head on top of his hands.
Dean chuckles and finishes his business with the mug.
Cas is out like a light. His lips part as every slow breath hits them and his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks.
Dean is getting tired of how fucking beautiful the angel can look. He throws a hand towel at him to wake him up, realizing a second too late that that’s cruel and decidedly a bad idea.
He winces as he watches the towel fly directly at the sleeping angel.
Crap.
When the towel lands a little too harshly on the angel’s face, the bunker fills up with a cacophony, it sounds like friggin chaos.
The kitchen’s light bulb blows up and sparks go everywhere before their left in total darkness, chair legs screech against the floor as Cas gets up too quickly and awful sirens and alarms come to life all around them.
Dean cringes and he’s about to cover his ears when he hears Cas laugh.
The hunter feels a smile tugging at the corners of his own mouth and he rolls his eyes.
He should be mad, or at least worried, this is his fault for throwing the stupid towel; he’s going to have to go out again to get another lightbulb or maybe a number of them and Cas is acting like a crazy person. But quite frankly, Dean can’t think of a scenario, now or ever, where that sound won’t make him happy.
Hearing Cas laugh is what he’s been yearning for all this week. It fills him up with a warm feeling and dissipates all his worries.
The hunter gets his phone out and shines its flashlight until he finds a pair of crinkly blue eyes.
He laughs shortly and feels the need to shout over all the noise to be heard, even though he knows Cas could probably hear him even if he whispers.
“PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST BLEW UP ALL THE LIGHTBULBS!”
Cas shakes his head and his lips move around words, but Dean can’t hear for shit. He screws up his face and raises his free arm in a questioning gesture while he walks closer.
Cas laughs watching him and somehow it makes Dean feel proud.
Cas shakes his head again. “JUST THIS ONE”
Dean sighs in relief and mouths a “Thank God” before he goes to turn the light of the hallway on.
Now able to see where he walks, he pockets his phone and raises both arms to cover his ears.
When he gets to the controls’ room he spends a good three minutes disabling the alarms.
He finally gets it and he takes a deep breath, trying to roll some of the tension out of his shoulder blades.
That was fucking loud.
“A hot shower could help you with that” Cas’ voice sounds muted to Dean’s overwhelmed ears, but it doesn’t really come as a surprise.
The hunter chuckles and turns to take a look at the first angel he’s ever seen yawning and sitting on top and right in the middle of a table.
“Yeah and you could use a bed right now, c’mon” he cocks his head towards the door and Cas gets down and starts walking towards his room.
Dean follows. Wanting to get his attention, he presses his elbow gently to Cas’ ribs, paying attention to the heat coming from the angel’s vessel and the squirm he gets in response.
“So were you planning to tell me what just happened or did you just want to drive me nuts with the sirens?”
Cas hums a low chuckle before he goes back to his all-business tone. “You startled me when I was in a very relaxed state and my grace spiked up, perhaps to protect me from unexpected danger. I believe is much too similar to the human body’s reaction to emergency situations, where the response is a dose of adrenaline”
“Right.” Dean answers absentmindedly, dwelling on Cas’ angelic powers and whether or not he’ll keep them.
When they reach Cas’ door, blue eyes look questioningly up at him and Dean notices Cas’ strange behavior is dwindling.
Cas just stares lazily and blinks slowly. He’s so sleepy, Dean skims his palm over Cas’ face just to mess with him and he laughs while he does it.
Cas keeps his eyes closed and chuckles sleepily.
Damn it. Why are angels so kissable?
Dean guesses a hug is not too forward and actually much needed. So he gathers the angel up in his arms and holds him there.
As soon as his arms wrap around Cas’ back, Dean hears the angel suck in a gasp of surprise and he feels suddenly nervous.
“Cas?” He can’t help the worry in his tone. “Are you uncomfortable?”
Instantly, Cas takes a step forward and brings their bodies flush together. Dean smiles before Cas answers with words.
“N-no. I just… I don’t-”
Dean laughs slightly louder this time, without loosening his hold on Cas. Then he blindly takes Cas’ arms one at a time and places them around his waist.
“Here… Like that.”
He feels the angel relax against him, but the hug still isn’t returned. Dean thinks it has more to do with confusion and less with discomfort. He hopes so. The only way to know it’s ruling one out, so he decides to solve confusion.
He talks into Cas’ hair, feeling oddly calm and satisfied talking like this. “You’ve been sorta down these days… and this is what some humans do to help each other feel better…”
“I know Dean, …but you don’t.” Cas sounds muffled against Dean’s Henley and his answer makes the hunter draw back an inch with eyebrows raised.
Dean looks into blue eyes with a worried frown, insecurities creeping inside his brain. “If you don’t like it we can stop. I’m sorry I didn’t’ ask.”
And with that he drops his arms, releasing Cas. The angel mirrors him and Dean swallows thickly.
Cas’ rough voice comes up again.
“It’s not that, Dean. It’s just…” he touches Dean’s hand with his own and the hunter’s heart flutters uncertainly as he looks down.
“Strange?” Dean feels weary and a little let down. “Awkward?”
“No!” Cas squeezes Dean’s hand until green eyes meet blue ones again.
“It’s new. I was surprised.” He says this with a fond look in his eyes before he wraps his arms around Dean again and squeezes a laugh out of him.
Dean returns the hug, quieting his laugh against Cas’ soft hair and placing a small kiss there, hoping it goes unnoticed.
Judging by the angel’s sigh, it doesn’t.
Dean hopes it’s a sigh of satisfaction, he really hopes this whole thing is not one way only, but he can’t know for sure; not now.
When he feels a stifled yawn against him, Dean rubs Cas’ back a few times before he lets go of him. He ducks his head to hide his goofy smile and takes Cas’ hand, guiding him into his room.
Once Cas is under the covers, though, he seems more awake. He starts asking Dean complex questions about the minerals in Jupiter because he apparently needs to know this “promptly”, and it makes Dean feel worried all over again.
“Cas, I need you to try to relax and close your eyes”
“Why?” his eyes are closing by themselves, but he’s as stubborn as a mule.
Dean restraints from rolling his eyes. “Just trust me on this.”
Blue eyes widen and Cas sits up. “What? How can I trust you, Dean? Have you ever given me a reason to trust you? Have you ever trusted ME?”
Dean blinks surprised. There’s some sort of resentment in Cas’ voice, but it’s shallow, empty; so he decides to ignore it.
He combs soft, black hair back from a frownless forehead and helps Cas lay back down.
“I do trust you, Cas” his tone betrays him again and he sounds hurt.
Cas looks sullenly up at him. “Just go.”
Dean gives him a crooked smile. “Right… I know” he rubs his hands over the angel’s shoulders and stands to leave.
When he reaches the door he feels that tug again, something calls him towards Cas. It’s so strong, Dean really can’t move… more like, he won’t. He doesn’t feel bad, though, it’s familiar… and somehow, it’s like it belongs with him.
“Dean…?”
He looks back at Cas. “Yeah?”
“Will you sleep with me tonight?” his tone is uncertain.
Dean smiles, genuinely pleased. “If you think you’d like that, I can do it.”
Cas nods, small. “I’d like that.”
Dean’s smile widens. “okay, I’m just gonna go check on Sam alright?”
Cas looks confused.
“I’ll make a call and I’ll be right back. Call me if you need anything. Yes?”
Cas nods and Dean sighs in relief.
“Awesome.”
✧･ﾟ:* ✿ *:･ﾟ✧
Dean calls Sam and after a few seconds, he hears his brother on the other end of the line.
“Dean? I was just about to call you, but I’m looking for a parking spot just now, can you hold on for 30 seconds?”
Dean grunts “Hurry.” He taps his fingers insistently on the library table for what he feels is a lifetime, but in reality, is just 45 seconds.
“Okay done. Just found a place to sleep at, it kinda reminds me of those places we used to go to when-”
“Yeah yeah yeah, good for you Sammy.” Dean wastes no time. “I know you can fend for yourself, that’s not why I called. I’ve got a little situation here.”
Dean hears Sam snigger as he gets out of Baby. “What’s the matter, grump?”
“Shut your mouth, bi-” Dean thinks he hears something and cuts himself short to listen for more.
Nothing.
“Dean?” Sam isn’t laughing anymore.
Dean talks softly, just in case “I think I broke Cas”
“What?” Dean can practically hear his brother’s eye roll. “What did you do?”
“Nothing! I swear I don’t know why it happened man! I mean I thought I did it all right, there’s just no way I could’ve gotten it wrong. It makes no sense! Also, why would-” his words are tripping over themselves and Sam cuts him short.
“Dean! Did what right? What happened?”
Dean takes a deep breath when he hears the worry in Sam’s tone. “No, no. I mean I don’t wanna scare you, man, it’s not an emergency or anything it’s just… Okay, so I think I drugged him?”
“Dru- What the hell?”
“I gave him cough syrup, and I swear it was just the right dose. There’s no way I could’ve gotten it wrong… I mean not that wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“He started acting as if he’d drunk the whole bottle!”
“Wha-… Acting how? what do you mean?”
Dean squints, trying to find words that don’t reveal too much.
“Um… It’s… as if he was drunk”
“You’ve never seen Cas drunk”
“Or stoned for that matter”
“Dean!”
“What? I’m just saying if I had I’d probably know why he’s acting like this.”
“Like what?!”
Dean really doesn’t wanna tell Sam that Cas has been spitting hate at/flirting with him. “It’s just… He’s being inappropriate, that’s all you need to know.”
“Cas? Inappropriate how? …He tends to be that way, Dean”
“No, no I don’t mean socially awkward; I wouldn’t call you for that, would I? It’s just… He’s saying things he wouldn’t normally say.”
“Has he been eating or drinking anything else?”
“Not for at least two hours man. I mean I left him alone for a bit, but when I came back he was fine! Completely normal! If it was anything that came into his mouth, it’s gotta be the syrup!”
Sam is silent for a few seconds, then “Well normally I’d say that medicine doesn’t affect Cas, but since he’s seemingly falling what comes to my mind is that his body must be a mess, y’know.”
Dean hears a door close on the other end of the line and silently thanks anyone who’s responsible for Sammy being safe and having a place to sleep. It wasn’t always like this.
Sam goes on. “Kinda trying to let go of life since Jimmy left and at the same time trying to house grace that’s morphing into a human soul? I mean who knows, maybe what’s left of his grace spiked the effects of the syrup or something like that.”
Dean shrugs and mumbles “Figures”
“But I can’t tell you anything certain if I don’t know exactly what he’s doing.”
“Uh… I think he’ll be fine y’know” he answers scratching his neck without really meaning to.
“What makes you say that?”
Dean absentmindedly looks at the rainbow of books on the multiple library shelves and answers somewhat distantly. “When I left him in his room the whole thing was apparently wearing off…”
“He’s sleeping?”
Dean shrugs even though Sam can’t see him. “He sure wanted to.”
He’s starting to feel something cold spread in his stomach when Sam sees right through it all.
“Dean”
“Huh?”
“Why did you call me?”
Dean frowns “Ask what to do to get Cas back to normal?”
“I’d give him some tea and put him to sleep.”
“’S what I did.”
“So why did you call me?”
Dean worries on his bottom lip. “To check on you”
“Dean”
“What?!”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
Dean silently curses his little brother for knowing him so perfectly and mumbles again. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He does.
Dean had come to terms with his feelings ages ago, he just never had the balls to act on them or even say anything; it was just never the right time. He’d always thought what he felt would just go away at some point, it never seemed it was something worth talking about.
Until he almost killed Cas. With his bare hands.
The first drive Dean and Sam shared after they released The Darkness was a fucking mess. Dean drove a mile and then he just crumbled apart. He was so overwhelmed, what they’d done to the world was terrible, he’d been commanded to kill his brother by Death himself, who by the way, he killed. And the memory of what he did to Cas just kept coming back to him.
It still does, most nights.
They stopped the car and Dean cried like he hadn’t since Hell. He told Sam everything that happened before The Darkness there, including what he felt for Cas. He was so fucking scared he’d lost him forever and Sam was so amazing.
Dean remembers fondly how his brother practically built him from the ground back up that day, even as he was dealing with so much himself.
He has apologized with Cas a few times now, and Cas clearly forgave him already. But where Dean knew before that Cas felt something for him that was more than just friendship, now he’s not so sure.
Sam’s always the positive one, though, and ever since that day he has been gently pushing Dean to come clean.
“I’ve told you, you just have to talk to him.”
Dean feels like crying. “’S not that easy Sam!” he walks in circles around the library table and takes a seat on the armchair. He knows he’s about to be lectured.
Sam sighs “It is Dean. Just whatever you feel, when you feel it, you say it.”
Dean grunts and puts his head between his knees.
Sam goes on. “Look, I know ok? I understand you think he might not feel the same way, but regardless, he’ll always love you.”
Dean’s heart is beating fast as it always does on the rare occasions when he talks about this. He focuses on Sam’s voice.
“He’s always going to be the guy who literally pulled you out of freaking hell, you’ll always have that.” Dean nods, even though his brother can’t see it. “Dean you won’t lose him… Just because he might say he doesn’t wanna have sex with you or something, doesn’t mean he won’t want to see you ever again.”
Sam’s speech gets right to Dean, he’s almost in tears, but he raises his head and snorts at Sam’s last comment to try and make his sentimentalism go away. “’S not about sex” he mumbles.
Sam gasps and feigns surprise. “Oh my God.”
Dean pictures him taking a hand to his chest and he laughs openly at that. “Shut up, bitch.”
Sam chuckles. “Jerk.” Then his tone turns softer. “You’ll be fine.”
Dean listens to the certainty in his tone, lets it soothe him, thinking he loves the kid more than he loves his life.
“Yeah” he skims a hand over his face and sighs. “Yeah, I know.”
On the other end of the line, Sam sighs sounding satisfied. “Good.”
Dean leans back on the armchair. “Take care of yourself.”
“Always do.”
“Call me if something comes up.”
“Will do.”
“And Sam…” Now Dean sits up straight. “Thanks”
Sam answers with a smile in his voice. “That’s what you pay me for”
Dean casts his eyes towards the ceilings feeling a smile reach his face. “Oh shut your mouth”
Sam laughs soundly and Dean tries to sound annoyed. “You ruin everything” That only makes Sam laugh harder.
Dean smiles listening to it and gets up anticipating the end of the call.
“Oh, I’m sorry” Sam says, finally pulling himself back together.
There’s a pause.
“Think about what I told you”
Dean nods again. “Yeah okay”
“Good night, Dean” Sam says goodbye with fondness in his voice.
“Night, Sammy” he hangs up feeling genuinely grateful for his little brother.
✧･ﾟ:* ✿ *:･ﾟ✧
Dean changes in his room and heads to Cas’.
His door is open a crack and Dean soundlessly opens it all the way, letting a long rectangle of light into the room.
“Hey, wings” he whispers and reaches to touch Cas’ foot. “you up?”
When he gets to the head of the bed, Cas cracks an angry-looking eye open. It makes him look like a grumpy kitty who’s about to scratch Dean’s face off.
Dean stammers. “I- I just wanted to let you know Sam’s okay.” He wrinkles his nose and bites his tongue to stop himself from laughing at just how adorable the angel looks.
The fuzzy ball of mad sweetness that is Cas opens both eyes and raises his eyebrows expectantly. He looks so annoyed, Dean just wants to kiss his face all over.
The hunter moves his eyes around trying to think of something to say, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
Seeing Dean has no good way of elaborating, Cas sighs and draws the covers closer to his body.
“Come lay down, Dean”
Dean’s heart skips a beat and he does as he’s told, closing the door on his way.
When he lays down next to Cas, the angel turns to face him in the darkness and snuggles closer to him, arranging their bodies like the last time they did this.
He’s snoring within 5 minutes.
Dean falls asleep with Cas’ hair under his chin, the sound of Cas’ snoring in his ears, Cas’ body in his arms, Cas’ scent all around him and a smile on his face.