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Night hung heavily over Ishgard. The city was still reeling from the events in The Vault. The Archbishop had fled. The Heavensward with him. With the death of Nidhogg, and the withdrawal of the heretics, The Holy See was now leaderless and foeless, leaving the citizens drifting, rudderless, and anxious.
Illuminated only by the braziers, a lone Viera woman slowly walked through the city, just as aimless. Through her Echo, the fear of the city felt like a dense fog she had to push her way through. She shivered, and curled her arms around herself. The flurries were starting, but she couldn't go home. Not now. Not with the whole of House Fortemps in mourning. Not after what she… what they had lost.
She slipped into a building, just to find some shelter from the cold, and leaned against the wall, clutching at her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut as images kept flashing through her mind. Count Edmont's cane hitting the floor. The Archbishop on the airship. The spear of Light erupting from Haurchefant's back…
"Mistress Viras? Is everything alright?"
Her eyes snapped open, and focused on the source of the voice. First Commander Lucia was staring at her, cup of herbal tea in hand, concern in her eyes. Lilith Viras realized she had wandered all the way across town, to the barracks of the Temple Knights. The Commander was only wearing her arming jacket, and her under-armor layers; how late must it be? Lilith pulled herself upright, and tried to compose herself, barely managing to catch the flower as it was clumsily jostled out of her hair. "Yes! Yes, of course," she said, hastily putting it back in, and failing to keep the crack out of her voice. "I'm just… out for a walk," she wrung her hands, gripping the Fortemps signet ring on her finger as if it were the only thing keeping her standing.
Lucia put her cup on the table, and stepped towards her. "Lilith…" she said quietly.
"The city's on edge! I just…" she caught herself, and took a breath, "I felt like I needed to do something," she felt the flower hit her shoulder once again, and she grabbed at it, looking away from Lucia, trying to fix it back in place, "I'm the only one who can right now. Ser Aymeric has to stay here to help the city. Same with Hilda. I'm just a guest here. Count de Fortemps let me into his—" her voice caught in her throat, and she ripped the uncooperative flower out, balling her hands into fists, "…into his house. I need to do something."
"Cid Garlond will be here tomorrow with the Enterprise. He will take us to Camp Cloudtop, and we will give chase. The Soleil will not get far—"
"All of this is my fault, Lucia!" she cut her off with a stomp, "I convinced Estinien to travel to Dravania! I saw the truth behind this entire Godsdamned war!" she swiped her sleeve across her eyes, and rounded on Lucia, shouting, jabbing a finger into her own chest, "I'm the reason Ser Aymeric got imprisoned! I'm the reason he was tortured by the Inquisitors! I'm the reason we went into the Vault! Ser Zephirin was aiming for me! I'm the reason Haurchefant is dead!" she gulped in air, her voice rapidly losing strength, "I need to fix this!"
Lucia grabbed her shoulder. "Lilith!"
Lilith wasn't looking at her anymore. She pressed her fist against her head, as if she was trying to push the image of the Count quietly sobbing on his knees out of her head, "I did this to Edmont… His son died to save me… I have to fix this…" Lilith looked up at Lucia, not remembering when she had doubled over, or when Lucia had taken hold of her other shoulder. "I can't talk to them… I have to be strong for them… the Fortemps… Alphinaud… Tataru… I'm their champion… I can't…" she blinked a few times to clear her vision, and felt the tears roll down her cheeks. "I was his Hope… He… Why…?"
The sound of a heartbeat not her own filled her ears, and she curled up again, clutching her head…
…her sister is doubled up, shaking with gulping sobs. News of their parents' deaths is ripping her apart. Her sister tries to look up at her, but ends up burying her face in her hands again, even covering her third eye. Despite the agony in her own heart, despite her only being two years older, she reaches forward to take Livia in her arms, as their mother always used to…
…Lilith came back to herself as she felt the soft, ramie fabric of Lucia's arming jacket pressed against her cheek, and her arms wrapped around her.
For a moment, the warm embrace put her in mind of her first night in Ishgard. The first time she had felt truly safe in weeks… since the Bloody Banquet…
Safe in his arms…
Her legs finally buckled, as the floodgates gave way. She clutched at the jacket, buried her face in the soft padding, and let loose a muffled wail of grief.
Lucia carefully guided her to the ground, putting her hand beneath Lilith's large, leporine ears to cradle her head, and gently rocked Lilith as her body convulsed in her hands and lap, wracked with sobs.
It was quite a few minutes before Lilith could take shuddering breaths without gasping. Lucia helped her up, and guided her to a chair, where she collapsed. She hid her face, and rasped out, "I'm sorry…"
The sound of Lucia's cup clicking on the wooden table in front of her caused Lilith's ears and eyes to snap up to it. She shook her head. "No…" she whispered, her voice too raw to say anything louder, "…that's yours—"
"You can drink this one, or the next cup. Either way, I'm making another one," Lucia said firmly, but with a smile. "Would you rather this one go cold?"
A faint bark of a laugh escaped Lilith's lips, and she shakily reached out to take the cup. Blessedly, it was still warm. She cupped it in both hands, and rested it between her thighs. A faint "Thank you…" escaped her lips, as she stared into its depths.
A few minutes later, Lucia was sitting next to Lilith with a fresh cup, while Lilith was slowly sipping at hers. Lilith had managed to get a handkerchief out, and was trying to compose herself. A derisive laugh left her lips as she dabbed at her eyes, "What must you think of me?"
Lucia gave her a wan smile, and her eyes drifted to the door that led to the Lord Commander's office, "I think you are someone who has needed to be strong for far longer than anyone should have to bear…"
Lilith bit her lower lip, and looked back down her cup. She caught another tear with her handkerchief.
"Someone who feels the weight of nations on their shoulders. Someone who has seen the bonds of family and trust ripped away in an instant. Someone who knows what pain that unchecked power can inflict upon the realm, and wants to do everything they can to make sure that no one should suffer like that," she reached over to Lilith, and placed a gentle hand on her knee. "Someone who feels like they must be strong, because they care so much."
Lilith sniffed, and took another sip of the warm tea, trying to calm herself.
Lucia squeezed her knee, "That's what Lord Haurchefant saw in you, Lilith. He was a knight to his core. He was willing to do anything he could to share that burden with you." Lilith could hear the faint smile in her voice as she added, "The way Lord Aymeric told it, it took six knights to stop him following you when you faced Lady Shiva."
Lilith gripped her cup, and in a voice barely above a whisper, asked, "Then why did he have to die like that?"
The knight's eyes flicked once again to the door as she said, matter-of-factly, "If he had done any different, he wouldn't have been him."
In the dark surface of the tea, she saw her jaw go slack, and saw the tears start flowing down her cheeks again. This time, she had the wherewithal to bury her face in her handkerchief, before she started silently sobbing. Lucia gently took the cup out of her hand, and placed it on the table, then knelt in front of Lilith, resting a hand on her shoulder. These were far from the loud, hot tears that buckled her legs before; she let her have this moment, giving the occasional squeeze to reassure her that she was still there.
For Lucia, it was only a minute of silent crying. For Lilith, it felt like an eternity before her eyes finally stopped, and she was finally able to take stronger breaths.
"There are many things in my life that I regret." Lilith looked up into Lucia's face, and saw her looking down to the side. "There are many things I wish had happened differently."
Lilith's eyes flicked to the circlet on the First Commander's head. She had never seen Lucia without it, and after witnessing her memories, she now realized the Garlean eye it must be hiding. "Livia…" the name escaped her lips as she looked down, staring at her hands. Her own memory of Livia sas Junius, the Witch of Dalmasca, broken and dying before her, gripped her stomach. The Tribunus's sobbed last words rang through her ears, "It's happening… all over again… Please… I cannot bear it…"
A soft chuckle made her look back up, to see Lucia looking into her eyes again, and a sad smile on her face. "Walked in my memories, have you?"
She tore her gaze away. "Gods… I'm sorry… I…" she tried to push the chair away from Lucia, but was stopped by her gently taking her hands. She looked the other woman in the eyes, and saw no anger, no hatred.
"I cannot fault you for the choices my sister made," she said, with a sad smile. "Just as you shouldn't fault yourself for his."
One more tear trickled down her cheek at those words. She looked down at her hands again. The hands whose healing magics had done nothing to close his wound. The hands who held Haurchefant's own, as he looked her in the eyes, and asked her for one last thing:
"Do not look at me so… a smile better suits a hero."
She had found the strength to give him that one last gift. Something he always loved to see.
Lilith closed her eyes, took a long, steadying breath, and looked within herself for that strength. That light within her, that he loved, that shone from her whenever she smiled.
What would he think, if I kept that beauty from the world?
She took another deep breath, opened her eyes, and the Warrior of Light gave Lucia a stoic nod, and then a smile.
Lucia returned it with one of her own, and stood up to give the tea back to her. "Even the strongest wards may fail. It takes great will to be able to reforge them."
"Thank you," she replied, the strength returning to her voice.
They sat in silence for a time, sipping their tea. Nothing more needed to be said.
Eventually, Lucia stood up, offering to take her empty cup. Lilith graciously handed it over, the smile faint but still there, and got to her feet, a lot more steady than she had been, able to stand eye to eye with Lucia once again. "When did Cid say he would be arriving tomorrow?"
Lucia gave her a knowing smile. "I believe it is at seven bells. Today."
"Well," Lilith let out a weak chuckle, and looked to the door, "I should get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow."
"Aye. The hunt begins early." She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and softened her tone, "Rest well, Lilith."
Lilith placed her hand on Lucia's, and her smile turned grateful as she nodded.
She got as far as putting her hand on the door, when she spotted something on the floor near where she had collapsed. She reached down, and carefully picked up the crumpled remains of her flower. She held it to her breast, and closed her eyes, as a single tear fell down her cheek. A few long, slow breaths passed her lips, before she stepped out into the light snowfall, towards Fortemps Manor.
Towards home.