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The first time they have sex, Barty laughs. It’s a relieved laugh, like he’s been worried it would be awful, which Evan supposes is very reasonable, considering Evan told him he’s never slept with anyone before. Technically, it’s not a lie. He’s never gone all the way through with anyone before, because he always backed out. He hasn’t told Barty that part. He’s always backed out because he had no desire to have sex. He hasn’t told Barty that part either.
Truth be told, he didn’t have a very strong desire to sleep with Barty either, but he genuinely believed that once he’s done it, the aversion will simply… disappear. Especially, because this was Barty, the actual love of Evan’s fucking life. If there was one person in the entire world Evan should want to have sex with, it would be Barty. Right?
So, after a full month of dating – the best month of Evan’s life, really – he finally brings it up. He’s honestly surprised Barty has lasted this long without as much as mentioning it, but he supposes he’s been giving him space. To Barty’s credit, he’s very chill about the whole thing, all “whatever you’re comfortable with” and “no pressure” as if he wasn’t the horniest person Evan has ever met. Still, Evan appreciated the effort. He knew Barty would never force him into anything he didn’t want, but it was still nice to hear him say it out loud.
If Evan were smarter, he would’ve said something along the lines that he’s not ready yet, and buy himself a few more weeks of just being with Barty. But he’s never going to be ready, and he wants to try it at least once, to be absolutely sure, to figure out if it’s really that great as everyone keeps saying, or if there’s something wrong with him.
And Barty is as good as it gets. He keeps pausing to make sure Evan is okay, that he wants to keep going and Evan keeps nodding, because he does, he really fucking does. It’s not like he’s having a bad time. He’s just not having a particularly good time either. He feels very neutral towards the situation, a little grossed out maybe, mostly just frustrated at himself because Barty is hot, and Evan loves him and why can’t he just be fucking normal?
Afterwards, when it’s over, the two of them lie tangled together in Evan’s bed and Barty laughs, relieved and happy, and asks Evan if he’s fine. Evan nods and hides his face in the crook of Barty’s neck. He likes cuddling but he’d prefer to take a shower and put some clothes on first. He is fine. The whole thing was very deeply fine, but he’s also quite sure he never wants to repeat it again. With Barty or with anyone else. And he has no idea how he’s going to tell Barty that without fucking up their relationship.
…
“Okay, what the hell is going on?” Barty asks about a week later, sitting on the edge of Evan’s bed, keeping a casual distance between the two of them.
Evan blinks at him. “What do you mean?” He asks, even though he knows very well what Barty means.
“Are you mad at me? Did I do something?”
“What? No. I’m not mad at you.”
Barty tilts his head, considering him. “Really? Because you’ve been acting fucking weird around me the whole week.”
Evan is aware of that too. In his defence, he tried his best to behave as always, but his treacherous brain decided to interpret any sort of physical affection from Barty as a clear signal that another round of sex was coming, so Evan, naturally, kept his distance. Of course, Barty noticed. It’s honestly surprising he’s only confronting him about it now.
Evan stays silent because he has no clue how to explain this without sounding like an asshole. Or worse, like he’s lost his mind.
“Is it because of the sex?” Barty asks and Evan’s head snaps up so fast he’s sure he pulled some muscle. Was it possible, that Barty somehow knew?
“Did you change your mind about the whole dating thing and want to be just friends?”
Nevermind. “No, of course not. Barty, I love you. I’m like embarrassingly in love with you.”
Barty’s shoulders sag a fraction in clear relief. “Oh. Okay. Good. I mean, same.”
Evan offers him a weak smile. He has to tell him. He’s been keeping it away from him for long enough. Deep breath and just tell him, quick and painless, like ripping off a band-aid.
“I’m not into sex.”
There. He said it. He exhales slowly, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat, and risks a look at Barty.
Barty frowns at him and Evan mentally curses. That can’t be a good sign. “Like… sex in general or sex with me?”
“In general.”
Barty’s frown deepens. “But we did have sex.”
“Yes, Barty, I was there,” Evan assures him drily. He’s not sure where is Barty going with this, but he would very much like to exit this conversation. He’s never been good at talking about his emotions, he’s not like his sister. It was like Pandora got all the emotional intelligence and he got, what, sex aversion?
“Why did we have sex when you’re not into it?”
That is a great question. Evan shrugs and avoids Barty’s eyes. “I guess I wanted to try it.”
Barty is still frowning, like Evan is a particularly complex math equation and he can’t figure it out. “And you didn’t tell me about this before we had sex, because…?”
“I thought I might like it. You know, because it’s you.”
If Barty appreciates the sentiment, he doesn’t show it. “But you didn’t.”
Evan shrugs again. “It wasn’t horrible.”
Barty runs both of his hands through his hair. “Okay, so, you wanted to try it, and it wasn’t horrible, but you didn’t like it enough to do it again?”
That sums it up. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Barty nods, like things are finally starting to make a little sense. “Okay. Why are you upset then?”
Evan stares at him in disbelief. Barty was the smartest person he’d ever met, but he could be so unbelievably dumb sometimes. “Are you actually fucking with me now?”
“I thought we’ve established you wouldn’t be into that,” Barty says, the corner of his mouth quirking up a little.
Evan might actually strangle him right now. “Barty.”
“Evan.”
“Are you really not seeing the problem here?”
“No? Should I?”
“I don’t want to have sex. Ever,” Evan says, slowly, overly pronouncing the words.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time.”
“And you don’t think that it’s a problem?”
“Why would it be a problem?”
“Because you like sex.”
Barty rolls his eyes. “I like a lot of things, Ev. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give up every single one of them to be with you.”
That shuts Evan up for a second. He fixes his eyes on his lap again. “I don’t want you to be unhappy, though,” he says quietly.
Barty sighs and shuffles closer so he can take Evan’s hand in his. “This might come as a surprise to you, but sex isn’t exactly a top priority in a relationship for me.”
Evan actually snorts at that. “Since when?” Barty has always been very vocal about his sex life, despite Evan and Regulus’s protests that they really don’t need to know that level of detail, and it was quite clear that he never cared about much else with his previous partners.
Barty rolls his eyes again. “All those people were just hookups. I’ve never been in an actual relationship before, but now I am, and I don’t care you don’t wanna have sex.”
Now it’s Evan’s turn to frown. “Are you sure? Because we could just go back to being friends or something. I’d understand, really.” It would break his heart, sure, but he would understand.
Barty gives him a pointed look. “I’m sure, Evs.”
Oh. Somehow, Evan didn’t see this coming. He imagined this conversation thousands of times and it always ended in the same way, with the two of them agreeing to break up. But now Barty is here, still smiling and holding his hand, and Evan allows himself to hope that maybe it will all be just fine.